Detroit Free Press from Detroit, Michigan • Page 113

The only toasters with a 1 1" where they controls upfront (should be HV ft I Editor's note Car Ballantine, who for 20 years has been known as "The Amazing Mr. Ballantine," got his start in show business at Hie age of 12 on Chicago's West Side. In a local theater after Saturday matinees, Carl originated his comic-magic routine. Later he perfected it for high school parties and eventually for night clubs. His gimmick was to foul up his magic tricks and then make jokes about his ineptitude.

After a slow start, his act caught fire in 1942 and he soon became a hit. He went on to play almost every major night spot in the country and the top TV shows, including Steve Allen, Ed Sullivan, Perry Como and Garry Moore. Currently appearing as a regular in McHale's Navy, Ballantine, married and the father of a 9-year-old girl, lists the following rib-ticklers among his favorite stories: my by CARL BALLANTINE You knock the ball up to the fence and get thrown out at first! I don't understand." "Don't be silly," sneered the nag. "If I could run, I'd be at Santa Anita." An Oklahoma cowman, having drawn a huge beef check, bought a Rolls-Royce. When he brought the car back for servicing, the salesman asked if he was satisfied.

"Oh, yes," said the cowman. "I especially like that glass partition between the front seat and the back." "Why?" asked the salesman. "Because," answered the rancher, "it keeps the cows where they belong." si a-- A woman went to a doctor to complain about her husband's delusion. "It's terrible, doctor," she said. "All the time he thinks he's a refrigerator." "Well," consoled the medical man, "that isn't too bad.

Quite a harmless delusion, I'd say." "The delusion I don't mind, doctor," the woman replied. "But when he sleeps with his mouth wide open, the little light keeps me awake." -tT; "ifemf- Tfc 333 01- Molly: How did you stop your husband from staying out late at night? Mabel: When he came home late, I called out, "Is that you, Jack?" Molly: And how did that stop him? Mabel: My husband's name is Beauty Breeze Hair Dryer Fast, really fast, quiet, portable. "I WW linperial Stainless Steel Coffee Maker Coffee touches only flavor-protecting Stainless Steel. Easy to clean. large adjustable bonnet.

The new maid was nervous, and when she was told to bring her mistress a glass of milk, she came in with the glass tightly clutched in her hands. "Jane," fumed the lady of the house, "don't ever do that again. Always bring it in on a tray." The next evening, Jane appeared at the door with an anxious look on her face and a tray full of milk in her hands. "Excuse me, ma'am," she said, "shall I bring a spoon or will you just lick it up?" TO El $YIX US TOASTMASTER DIVISION "TOASTMASTER" is a registered trademark ot McGraw-Edison Company. Elgin.

Illinois and Oakwilte, Ont. McGRA W-EDISON COMPANY The irate husband, going over the canceled checks from the previous month, exploded in front of his wife: "You mean you gave the doctor five dollars and all he did was paint your throat?" "What did you expect," she replied "wallpaper?" The father decided not to inform his little son of the impending arrival of the stork, but as the months progressed, the secret grew more difficult to conceal. Finally, the father felt he had to break the news to his son. "The stork has been flying over our house," he explained delicately, "and he's going to swoop down very soon." "I hope he doesn't scare Mommy," replied the lad. "She's pregnant, you know." it Don't miss an I rv Save regularly with A diner in a restaurant rushed over to the manager.

"I've been robbed," he screamed. "I turned my head and someone stole my topcoat." "What kind of topcoat did you have?" asked the manager. "It was a brown coat with raglan sleeves," replied the man. "Hmmm," mused the manager. "Come to think of it, I saw a man walking out of here just a few minutes ago with that very coat on." "Quick, quick!" demanded the customer.

"What did the guy look like?" "Terrible," the manager sighed. "The sleeves were much too short for him." U.S. SAVINGS BONDS A horse showed up for practice one day at Dodger Stadium and asked for a tryout. After a while, the coach finally agreed to let him play, so the horse took up a bat in his mouth, crowded into the batter's box and knocked the first pitch out to the center field fence. He took off for first base and got thrown out by a length.

"Hev!" the coach stormed. "What is this? Now paying 33A to maturity Parade Mar. 31, 1963.