Detroit Free Press from Detroit, Michigan • Page 68

1 4D DETROIT FREE PRESSFRIDAY. JUNE 9. 1978 mm Once trade Tiger Poster Ho. 23 a Jim IFitzgsiald repeal: To be slim, just quit eating lunch Because I don't run around the block 10 times every morning, a reader has bet that "Fitzgerald looks like a 200-pound turnip." This is nonsense, of course. Sometimes I think you people aren't paying close enough attention to my wisdom.

Only a few weeks ago I pointed out that people don't get fat from not running. They get fat from eating too much. Running to lose weight makes as much sense as eating spaghetti to win a foot race. Think about it. DON'T START READING this paragraph yet.

Think some more about what I just told you. OK. Now we can get on with today's wisdom. It concerns the wise way to shed fat and keep it shed. No weird diets are required.

You don't have to eat boiled dandelions while sitting on your feet in downtown Bombay. And you don't ijt ri K3 VOW? ORDER Sift. have to jog. All you have to do is quit eating lunch. Nutritionally, lunches are overrated.

People eat them out of habit, not hunger. Lunches have become rituals which must be performed before two people can talk business, or make love, or plan dinner. A boss will take an employe to lunch to promote him, or fire him. World War 1 HAVE OIHMj. I'M -VA I A bait, he's now found a spot By JIM HAWKINS Free Press Sports Writer If you had informed John Wockenfuss this spring that by June he would be in the Tigers' lineup every other day or so, he naturally would have assumed some tragedy was about to befall Milt May or Lance Parrish.

After all, Wockenfuss was a catcher and May and Parrish were the two players standing between him and a chance to play for the Tigers this season. This spring, it appeared Wockenfuss' principal duty this summer would be to warm up the Tigers' relief pitchers in the bullpen. If he was lucky, he might occasionally be called upon to pinch hit. But with two sturdy gentlemen like May and Parrish ahead of him, there was little chance Wockenfuss would ever get to catch more than an inning or two at a time. Wockenfuss, or "Fuss" as his Tiger teammates call him, could see the handwriting on the clubhouse wall.

All spring, he kept predicting he would be traded somewhere and he kept asking the writers who regularly cover the team if they had any idea where he might be going. One day, while Wockenfuss was out on the field, several of his teammates cleaned out his locker and tore down his name tag from above the cubicle, replacing it with that of Jim Kaat, the veteran pitcher who supposedly was available from Philadelphia. Needless to say, when he returned to the Marchant Stadium clubhouse, Wockenfuss did not think it was particularly funny. IT WASN'T that he didn't want to be a Tiger anymore. But after four years in the organization, Wockenfuss had understandably grown a bit tired of sitting on the bench.

He simply wanted a chance to play, if not in Detroit, then somewhere else in the big leagues anywhere. However, Wockenfuss wasn't traded this spring, even though the Tigers could undoubtedly have found an interested team or two if they had tried. When the season was one month old, John suddenly found himself a member of the starting lineup, at least on a part-time basis not behind the plate, which was supposed to be his primary position, but rather in right-field. The 29-year-old Wockenfuss, who was originally an outfielder when he signed right out of high school with the Washington Senators in 1967, has done nothing to make Tiger manager Ralph Houk regret his decision to alternate John with Tim Corcoran in right. That was supposed to be Charlie Spikes role this season.

But when Spikes was optioned to Evansville in early May to make room for another pitcher, Houk turned to Wockenfuss for some additional righthanded hitting punch. Although he appeared in only 53 games last season, Wockenfuss enjoyed far and away his finest year in the big leagues at the plate, batting .274. THE REASON for that, he is convinced, was his more positive attitude and an unusual new batting stance. While playing winter ball in Puerto Rico following the 1976 season, Wockenfuss closed his stance drastically and began wagging the fingers of his right hand as he waited for each pitch. Friends and foes alike laughed at first, but Wockenfuss continued to hit better than ever before.

His unusual stance, complete with wiggling fingers, is now a part of his repertoire. Wockenfuss, who was traded to the Tigers by the St. Louis Cardinals in a minor league deal in December, 1973, spent 7 12 years in the minors before he made his major league debut in 1974 when Tiger catchers Bill Freehan and Terry Humphrey were both injured. Married and the father of two children, Wockenfuss makes his winter home in Wilmington, where he is the proprietor of a III will be declared over lunch. Years later, the survivors will delay signing the peace treaty until the luncheon dishes have been cleared.

A person invited to lunch may weigh 400 pounds. He doesn't need lunch, he needs therapy. But he goes to lunch because to refuse would be rude, or poor business, or fatal to a romantic liaison he's been enjoying with a 250-pound beach ball. LUNCH IS TRADITIONAL, something like Bob Hope. It doesn't have to be good, it has to be consumed.

Just as it is unpatriotic to admit Hope hasn't been funny in 20 years, it is uncivilized to skip lunch. Working people who can't get out to a restaurant still don't flout the tradition. They brown bag it and drip mustard all over that day's gross national product. Automobiles that went through the assembly line during lunch are often recalled because of bread crumbs. When I tell fat people they should skip lunch, they get angry.

They deny that they eat lunch for social or economic reasons, or simply out of habit. They say they eat lunch for their health. One fatty said he gets a dull ache in his stomach when he misses lunch. He said he can't stand the pain. So, to lose weight, he runs every night until his legs throb and his lungs burn and he throws up.

Another fatty said her head aches if she doesn't eat at noon. Medical men say her headache is caused by worry, not hunger. She worries that, if she doesn't eat lunch with her friends, they will be free to gossip about how fat she is gettir.3. IN 1973, 1 did look like a 200-pound turnip. That's when I quit eating lunch.

It took me four months to lose 25 pounds. Every time the scale said I'd shed five pounds, I invited friends and strangers to a candlelight ceremony in which I punched another hole in my belt. This is the secret to keeping the fat shed. Brag about your new slimness and the steel willpower which made it possible. Demonstrate by putting your skinny body and a living room couch into your old pants.

Be an obnoxious bore. Tell the world lunch isn't necessary, just as I've told you. Everyone will hate you, but that's good. No one will ask you to lunch. Now you know the wise way to lose fat.

Running doesn't do it. Running is for catching buses. Not eating lunch is for getting slim. Think about that. Never mind what's in this paragraph.

You should be thinking. Fre Prast Photo by JOHN COLLIER Born: Welch, W. 2-27-49 (29). 6-foot-0, 190 lbs. Bats right, throws right.

Married: Pamela Jo Lennon, Children: John Bradley 7-20-73; Jeremy James 12-29-7S. Year Club Avg. Cms AB 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB Year Club Avg. Cms AB 2B 3B HR RBI BB SO SB 1967 Geneva .143 3 7 0 1000 11 10 1974 Evansville .275 84 233 40 64 11 2 10 43 44 31 0 196S Geneva .197 39 132 13 26 1 1 4 15 21 28 0 Detroit .138 13 29 1 4100 23 20 1969 Burlington .168 62 197 23 33 7 1 4 15 21 28 0 1975 Evansville .289 43 142 20 41 11 0 6 28 28 17 0 Shelby .325 39 157 26 51 12 0 7 29 13 6 0 Detroit .229 35 118 15 27 6 3 4 13 10 15 0 1970 Pittsfleld .247 123 429 65 106 11 6 15 47 63 69 3 1976 Detroit .222 60 144 18 32 7 2 3 10 17 14 0 1971 Pittsfleld .233 103 331 37 77 11 1 41 39 45 1 1977 Detroit .274 53 164 26 45 8 1 9 25 14 18 0 1972 Pittsfield .288 125 410 57 118 20 2 9 60 64 44 3 1978 Detroit .286 21 49 5 14 0 0 1 3 3 3 0 1973 Spokane .204 20 54 6 11 201 68 10 0 Tulsa .266 60 184 22 49 12 1 2 22 25 21 2 Major League totals .242 182 504 65 122 22 6 17 53 47 52 0 -l I Wvf Billy Graham Hf answer Key: Gms-games played; AB-at bats; R-runs; H-hits; 2B-doubles; 3B-tripIes; HR-home runs; RBI-runs batted In; BB-bases on balls; SO-strikeouts; SB-stolen bases. pizzeria.

QUESTION-How much antes faces knowledge must you have before you can really serve God effectively? B.C. at 'Secret sizzles Solzhy edge, yet who never got around to putting their knowledge to work for God. On the other hand, we should, of course, always strive to be the best servants of Christ that we can be. We should grow in our relationship to Christ, and this includes "increasing in the knowledge of God" (Colos-sians 1:10) and "by love serve one another" (Gala-tians Although we know that God can use us even when we know very little about the Christian faith, we should never use that as an excuse for laziness. We should "study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that nee-deth not to be ashamed" (II Timothy JUDY CARNE was acquitted by a Cincinnati jury Thursday on charges of possessing heroin.

The actress, arrested in November while appearing ANSWER-There are two things you need to keep in mind. One is that God can often use someone who has very little knowledge (either in terms of formal education or just practical understanding of the Christian faith). I have heard of people who came to Christ and immediately were used by God to lead others to Christ. Although they had very little knowledge of the Bible, God used them and honored their sincere desire to serve Him. I should also say that I have known some people who had a great deal of knowl at a dinner theater, had testified that the purse with heroin in it belonged to her secretary.

She also swore that two cops made her "strip down naked in front of them" after the arrest. The cops denied it. The jury dead PHYLLIS DILLER, the frippy-headed, is the newest winner of the Liberty Bell Award from the USO of Philadelphia, Inc. Previous winners include her old traveling buddy Bob Hope, Billy Graham, Connie Stevens, and Roy Rogers, among others. GREGORY PECK'S son Carey Peck, 28, won his California Democratic primary and will face Republican incumbent Robert Dornan in the general election in November for a seat in Congress representing Santa Monica and western L.A.

ARTHUR FIEDLER will get a big thank-you note for his years with the Boston Pops. Boston admirers want to get 500,000 Massachusetts citizens to sign parchment-like sheets that will be bound in leather in several volumes and presented at his 50th Fourth of July concert this summer. Jf A 111 Lockhoms 'gj mm. ALEXANDER SOLZHENITSYN detests the American writer Olga Car-lisle for speaking out about her part in getting his smuggled novels published in America. He told the New 'York Times that her account of the publishing efforts, "Solzhenitsyn and the Secret Circle," is full of outright lies.

She met the exiled Russian in Moscow in 1 967 and helped get "The First Circle" published in the west, but the Russian said she delayed publication of "The Gulag Archipelago" after she was entrusted in 1968 with a microfilm copy of the manuscript, which was published in English in 1974. He is especially angry because "the only one to speak up is the one who did the least She had come to believe that she was the owner of Solzhenitsyn in the West." Mrs. Carlisle said the charges were "categorically false." JUDY CARTER is pregnant again, but nobody says she is barefoot. The wife of grampa Jimmy's oldest son Jack is already the mother of Jason, 3, but she hasn't been idling down on the farm at Calhoun, Ga. She is an active supporter of the Equal Rights Amendment and a writer for a women's magazine.

The babe is due in locked on a second Judy Came charge against her, possessing a forged prescription for sleeping pills, and prosecutors will consider bringing her to trial again for that. BILLY GRAHAM seven-day crusade in Toronto's Maple Leafs Garden will cost $600,000, but the evangelist thinks the $3 ticket price tag is not unfair, considering it would cost $30 to $40 to see a championship boxing match. "Of course I'm not Muhammad Ali, but certainly we can spend $3 to hear the gospel of good news," he said. It was a mom and daughter Wednesday behind the stage of "Timbuktu," starring Eartha Kltl, right. Her daughter Kltt McDonald, top, came with Rita Hayworth, bottom, and Rita's daughter Yasmin Kahn" UPlPholo I LOOK 6LEEPV.

YOU'P LOOK SLEEPY, TOO, IF YOU WERE SLEEPY, -OF i 1 JW A A.