Detroit Free Press from Detroit, Michigan • Page 11

rrrr.w 41 Lunch With the Ghoul a Zesty Affair I vK Detroit tfxtc Vvcss The Feature Page. l. i FRIDAY, JAN. 19, 1973 11-A Paar has. It Is no longer novel enjoyable staying up to 1 personal therapy session.

and particularly a.m. to watch a Net-ales) when Margaret Fletcher called and said lunch was going to be a little late because The Ghoul had been arrested by the Ohio Highway Patrol. "Way to go, Ghoul!" I thought. "That's the ol' Ghoul all right. Flying high.

Smokin' dope. Snortin' coke. Scratchin' glass. Turnin' blue. Go, Ghoul!" A little later, Margaret Fletcher was back on the phone.

This time, the Southfield police had grabbed the ol" Ghoul. Again, I thought, "Hot-damn, that's my main man. Two arrests in one day! What a great buildup to an interview. Maybe we could hold it in the Southfield jail." Well, we finally did get together for a late lunch and I sure didn't expect The Ghoul to turn out to be this short, handsome, young man, only 23 and 5-7 with a bride of 4 weeks, the lovely 18-year-old Barbara, in tow. And he didn't have his stuff on.

I really felt cheated. Not even the familiar Fat Albert "Hey-hey-hcy!" But what I did get was a rather revealing time with another super-I-gotist who says matter-of-factly "that if I handle it correctly, I could become a millionaire off The Ghoul." Ron Sweed seems driven to make The Ghoul nationally known through Kaiser's Boston, Cleveland, Detroit and San Francisco outlets, plus possible syndication dn other markets. Swecd's antic, bizarre approach to movie-hosting is aimed at creating controversy, along with hip, hard core fanatics who get tired of the BUI Kennedy and Rita Bell type of "comfy" hosts who chat about stars and such. FRANKLY. I didn't know what to expect.

Lunch with The Ghoul? But when someone as pretty and cute as Channel 50's Margaret Fletcher propositions you, you accept first and ask questions later. In one of my weaker moments, you see, I had mentioned that I was a fan of The Ghoul, who hosts those perfectly dreadful Saturday night "Creature Feature" movies on Kaiser Broadcasting's WKBD-TV. My kids, Dafna and Jason, touted me on The Ghoul a couple of months ago. Jason, particularly, loves The Ghoul. Jason's five, which should tell you a lot about The Ghoul or Jason.

Hold It! I can hear those Jack Paar fans clucking their tongues or whatever Jack Paar fans cluck. I can hear your nasal passages now. "Nah-naa nah-naa ti-a-a-a-h-h NA! You see, Talbert, you write about your kids as much as Jack Paar talks about his daughter Randy. You jerk!" OKAY, PAAR FANS, in the immortal words of The Ghoul: "Drop dead and turn blue!" Nope, I'm going to let it drop there. In a curious way, Jack Paar and The Ghoul sort of tie in.

Since I panned Paar's return to TV, I have received a truly varied assortment of mail both pro and con. I must say that the "pro" writers pro me, that is invariably write lucidly and with great style. The "con" me mail pro-Paar (are you confused? I am) seems written as nastily as possible, except for one charming young lady and she knows who she Is and thank you, my dear. I needed that. Anyway or anyhow, or who cares, panning Jack Paar and praising The Ghoul have drawn me almost as much mail as asking where I can find coarse salt for a salt-grinder I got for Christmas.

I've received dozens and dozens of locations where coarse salt is sold. This tells you something about my readers, I'm afraid. One said he thought the Vulgar Boatman was a coarse salt. I hate to think what that tells you. WHERE WAS Oh, yes.

By the way, you Paar-pcople who dotted my I's, I have now used 19 I's (make that 20) in this column so far. I have an I-go problem like Paar. I suffer with I-gotism because I was a bed-wetter and a nail-biter as a small child. So don't pick on me anymore. What more can I say? Let me wind up this Paar thing once and for ell.

I don't like the 1973 Paar. I did like the old one. Jack Paar has not changed. But I can bet you a pretty rating point the audience Thoughts at Lame: NOW LET US RETURN to the thrilling days of Saturday with Th3 Ghoul. Rather, this wps Tuesday afternoon with him.

See, The Ghoul is not a local person. Channel 50's lrcal persms are t.ou Cordon and Bill Kennedy (both card-carrying members of the I-go Club) and that's a gracious plenty "local n'Tsons" for anv channel. The Ghoul is from Cleveland, where Kaiser has Channel 61. He was goin to dr've up for this Tuertav lunch. I was ready for hi rr.

to 'ome bopping in the office with that fright wig, brjken sunglrsses, false mustache and hokey blue lab jacket. I mean, why not? The Ghoul not In is not The Ghoul, right? So, I was sitting there on Pins and Needles (Charlie Pins and Eddie 1 Quiet Dividend A QUIET MAN who emits an occasional flash of wit earns more respect than a witty man who coruscates all the time and soon comes to be regarded as a mere entertainer. The predominant tendency of human beings is to confuse the package with the product, the map with the territory, the symbol with the substance; as long as such gullibility persists, the few will prosper and the many will continue to be victimized. In the craft of literature, unlike the pursuit of game, the surest way to miss the target is to shoot point-blank. IF YOU TRACE BACK a distinguished family tree far enough, you are more likely than not to find that it got its start by grafting.

Most people practice what they call morality for the sake of personal safety; but no morality is creditable until it becomes dangerous, uncomfortable, or uneconomic. We shall never succeed In achieving "peace" until wc understand that it is a matter of law, and not a matter of mere sentiment; peoples who live under different civil laws can never have peace only war or an uneasy truce, depending upon their mutual feelings. We know that punishing a country as we did to Germany after the First World War breeds resentment, and not guilt; w4iy do we imagine that blindly punishing an individual works any better? WHAT EVERY COUPLE should be handed with the marriage license Is an engraved wall-plaque bearing Elbert Hubbard's trenchant words: "Every quarrel begins in nothing and ends in a struggle for supremacy." People who say of troubles: "Why did this have to happen to me?" never say of an unexpected boon: "Why did this have to happen to me?" yet both are equally contingent and equally undeserved. For honest tact, without lying, surely the award must go to W. S.

Gilbert, who had to go backstage to see an actor friend who had given an especially bad performance; on entering the dressing-room, Gilbert patted him enthusiastically on the shoulder and declared, "My dear fellow, good isn't the word!" Fifty years ago, Irvin S. Cobb put his finger on the grievance that has erupted into Women's Lib, when he observed: "Men arc vain, but they won't mind women's working so long as they get smaller salaries for the same job." FJvery rogue begins as a child by telling his parents he didn't ask to be born as if anybody did. ii.i.i nni. i.tr i ii ii i ii in. ii i.

i ii. i i I I JOL iuVl tCuVT''TOFOaflldfa-lNu Jl'1 Ito'b'A "1 SVjUlDyJlTdlbT DoHiNcW I'M IN TfMAfCAlO c'AN'fY Alt M6HT;) WOW. I luU OPRSW; I VCVC Do I loot: YMfc.Vod'Kt NtAiONo NCR. I'C V0(J DotfT Tinut (lOW. lCTYiXJi)N trOMD filL 0iMT.

MONl V. uM I fK I'M A I ITvfW I'VC uOllo (INltS? LOOK I ftf AUa WHAT klNC OF- I F-ANK C-aVtMiic 1 r'Ti tmlLC ARxiV thcooghThc ir rr. cmjmil You're Kwtt. I By Earl Wilson I k' '( 77- I Husband's Jealous of Doctor Marlene Thivarts Rivals '111 i 9 my tf ErmaBombeck I feel Just like an alcoholic when things go wrong, or I become upset. I eat anything that doesn't move.

My own doctor is against my having the by-pass operation. What do you think? Mrs. S. COMMENT: I'm with your doctor. I'm conservative about prescribing the removal of a few feet of intestines in patients who are obese unless there are really specific indications for the operation.

And after every other effort has oeen made to reduce. My suggestion to you now, however, Is to go into the hospital. Agree to stay there for a month under strict observation while on a starvation diet of nothing but water, other liquids, and the essential vitamins and minerals. Jealousy, in any form Is difficult to treat. In this instance, perhaps all that will satisfy him is your using a female gynecologist.

Even so, it's likely he may come up with some other excuse why you should not go to a doctor for examination unless you are "real sick." Dear Dr. Steincrohn: I am writing in the hopes that you will help me make up my mind. I am 41 years old, five feet six and weigh 270 pounds. I would like to find a doctor who does by-pass surgery. I have weighed more than 200 pounds for the past 20 years and the future looks gloomy.

There is a history of high blood pressure, heart trouble and diabetes in our family. Dear Dr. Slelncrohn: My husband Is jealous of doctors any doctor. Ever hear of a husband who didn't want his wife going to the doctor for examination. Would you please tell ignorant husbands that early detection of cancer saves many women's lives every day? Also comment on the fact that some men think women "enjoy" physical examination.

Would you please tell ignorant husbands that no sexual pleasure is derived from a cold metal spoon that is used in taking a Pap smear? Is there some kind of mental hangup In a man which would make him feel jealous of a doctor? Help! Mrs. D. COMMENT: I second your motion you have answered your own questions. NEW YORK Marlene Dietrich's greatest performance as a modern Florence Nightingale is one that only a few of us saw. There are many sharpshooters out after the glamorous grandma or great-grandma-to-be but when she assisted an aging, stooped, arthritic Sir Noel Coward, now 73 to her reported 71, up and down difficult stairs at the "Oh Coward" night at the New Theater and party at the Tratorria, we had to admit that Marlene was at her best and not seeking publicity.

In fact, at the Trattoria, she told one press lady, "I'm not speaking to you anymore." The press lady said, "You've just done me a big favor." Hoiv Come Dirty Nick Grew into a Germ Nut? pinkish lame gown (Chanel) to his seat and saying to him, Dr. Joyce Brothers m-s Coach and Girl Pressure Athlete But there was Marlene in actually helping hoist Sir Noel "It's going to be all right, we have made it this far, dear love." Sir Noel smoked his cigarct and fanned his flowing pocket handkerchief. Marlene backed away into the brick wall and allowed busty Arlene Dahl, wearing something new in bosoms, to get into the pictures. Arlcnc said that her long dress became entangled on the seat and she told Sir Noel, "I may bo on your lap." He replied, "Don't worry. I'm very broad-minded." As Sir Noel kissed and otherwise saluted the stars who Marlene Dietrich: She Shared Noel's Glory I WOULD NEVER HAVE predicted that our middle child would grow up to be a Germ Nut.

As a toddler, Dirty Nick, as we called him, put everything in his mouth from public drinking fountain faucets to pieces of candy he found in chairs in the doctor's waiting room. He consumed mud, gravel, paper, rubber bands, plastic, cigarette stubs, goldfish and onre devoured two cork coasters before he discovered they weren't cookies. You can imagine the shock when he said at the table the other morning. "I can't eat this roll. Someone has taken a bite out of it." THE ENTIRE TABLE FROZE into a tabloid of amazemoiit.

This from a boy whose hands looked like a commercial for dirt with the dog licking his face. The fact is, dirty Nick is an interesting study in contradictions. He will wear the same pair of socks until the toes snap off. Yet, he refuses to use a spoon that has dropped on the floor until it is sterilized. He will drink Gatorade from a jug after the entire football team.

He will not drink from a glass that has touched his brother's lips. He wears a fur coat of dog hairs. Yet, he once threw away a hairbrush that had a strand of his sister's hair in it. He has not seen the top of his desk in three years. He faints when there is a dab of toothpaste on the washbowl.

He refuses to drink Grandma's soft water because it tastes "icky." He eats icicles that have formed in the downspout. HE IS REPULSED by dried egg on the stove burner. He once cooked an entire meal at camp on a set of bedsprings from a nearby dump. "I do not understand you at all," I said. "When you were a baby I blew on your food and even touched my tongue to it before it went into your mouth to make sure it wouldn't burn you.

Today, you won't even eat a breakfast roll after me." "That's gross," he said shivering and sticking his tongue out In distaste. "It's a wonder babies aren't sick all the time." As he passed an ash tray, he spotted a discarded lump of chewed gum and shouted, "I got dibs on the gum," and popped it in his mouth. I will never understand children. with the coach to openly discuss her views and attitudes rather than to use you as a kind of weapon. This way of using sex can become a dangerous habit that is often carried over into married life.

Unfortunately, too many men and women use sex in their marriage as a way of maneuvering to get what they want from their mates. A woman may bargain with her body to get a new dress or a new coat and a man may do the same to get his wife to agree to something he wants. This turns a relationship into a kind of legalized prostitution that is demeaning and humiliating to everyone involved. It is doubtful that unrelcased sexual tension can ever make one perform or work better. No evidence has been found to temporary impotence at various times in their lives and often this occurs at times of special tension.

You probably feel more anxious on the night just before a big game than you do at other times. If you add to this an unconscious feeling that your girl is sexually aggressive not just because of her passionate feelings toward you, but because of her angry feelings toward the coach, then it is small wonder that you're "turned off" by her advances Sexually aggressive women are, in themselves, threatening to many young men. You might feel better if you told your girl and your coach to relax and stop pressuring you. If your girl refuses, you may have to consider getting a new girl one who won't try to use you. indicate that sexual inter-course has an adverse effect upon athletic performance.

Wardell Pomeroy, who used to be with the Kinscy Rroup, found some data on athletes which suggest that under some conditions sexual release may be beneficial to athletic performance. The main point is that both your girl and your coach should realize that sex should not be used to get posi-t i or negative results in work or athletics. According Dr. Warren Johnson, professor of Health Education at the University of Maryland, it is likely that work or athletic capability might be affected more by a lack of sleep or excessive drinking than by any sexual activity. Almost all males experience Dear Dr.

Brothers: I'm supposed to be the best man on jr local football team and my coach keeps telling me it's unfortunate that I happen to be in love because, he says, sex and football don't mix. He seems to feel sex Is just as bad as drugs as far as our performance goes. My girl hates the coach, and thinks he's trying to break up our relationship. G.M. Dear G.M.: There is no better way to destroy any romantic feelings than to mix them with anger and hostility even if it is directed at someone else.

When sex Is used for any reason other than to express affection and love, it is a corruption of a good thing. Actually, it would be better for your girl to arrange a meeting came to the show in his honor, and to the party, one got to wondering whether he was arthritic or just liked to be petted by Anita Loos, Helen Hayes, Ethel Merman, Joan Sutherland, Glynis Johns, Celeste Holm, Phyllis Newman, Myrna Loy and some others. Pamela Mason's doing a talk show from Caesars Palace in Las Vegas and an imaginative friend proposed that she interview her ex-husband, James Mason. "Oh, NO!" replied Pamela. "He's MUCH too old for my show.

And you can quote me." TODAY'S BEST LAUGH: London Lee recalls he once hired a chauffeur who'd formerly driven a hearse: "But it didn't work out he wouldn't start until there were 15 cars behind us." WISH I'D SAID THAT: Comic Leon Arp of Pompano Beach, told a heckler, "Sir, I need you like Guy Lombardo needs the sheet music to 'Auld Lang Syne'!" SEED Mike's Liaison; 'New' Cristina wm. BY PAUL HIGHTOWER I am reaching retire nient with a considerable sum of money. I didn't find this money at the end of any rainbow. I have worked long and hard for It. I know its value.

Now my wife and I have three children. The oldest is strong and stable. I would have no hesitancy leaving him in cash one-third of all that's left when mother and I both die. Our second child, also a son, is virtually worthless, with no stable job and no ambition, and if he inherited any real money he would squander it and then no doubt go on welfare. The third child is a daughter and is a gamble.

She might do all right with an inheritance and she might not. So I'm in a dilemma. I'm determined to treat all three children equally. But obviously it would be wisest to let the oldest child have his money, then put the shares of the other two children into trust funds so they couldn't throw the money away. This would certainly cause resentment when the two younger children found it out.

So what does an honorable but conservative father do? F.D.L. A Well, you've shot your wad with the children. At this point you aren't going to change their ways. You are only going to reward them with a bonanza. Consider first spending some of your hoard to give you and your wife a richer retirement.

Then consider trust funds for all three children, but with the provision that they all expire, and pay off, as each child reaches age 45. The children will settle down by then, or they never will. The oldest son, collecting first, probably won't mind. i magazines? C. Kansas City, Kan.

A How come is' that Natalie's brother-in-law married to her sister) generously offered to take private photos for the family album. (Nat and R. J. are sentimental suckers for pictures!) Then, to the Wagners' dismay, brother-in-law turned around and sold the photos to the fan mags and Nat is furious about it. Could you tell this old-timer the whereabouts of Lady Sylvia Ashley? She was the actress who was married to both Douglas Fairbanks Sr.

and Clark Gable. O. St. Petersburg, Fla. A The 68-year-old former actress, a princess after her last marriage to Prince Dimitri Djordjadze, divides her time between Los Angeles and a luxurious rented yacht off Monte Carlo.

She has not been home to England in years because of the British law requiring that dogs be held in quarantine for six months. Now that her beloved chihuahua is dead, Lady Ashley is planning a trip to London this spring. My French sister-in-law gets a Paris paper that says the Duchess of Windsor has secretly married her secretary. Why wasn't this reported In the U.S.? E. Cairo, N.Y.

A Because It isn't true. France Dimanche, which originally printed the story that the duchess had wed retired U.S. diplomat and employee John Utter, is not the most reliable paper in the world. The French paper has reported in the past that Queen Elizabeth is seriously with chicken pox, that Princess Margaret is about to divorce, that the Shah of Iran has cancer, etc. All false.

One of their best headlines concerned Maurice Chevalier's tender last moment when the singer was not yet dead. The duchess is so' angry she got a court order to stop the paper. She respects Utter, a proud and capable servant to the duke in his last years, but she isn't about to marry him. Is it really true that Michael Calne Is going to get married? V. Santa Monica, Calif.

A Yes, he did, in Las Vegas, to his Guyanese girlfriend of the last year, Shakira Baksh. In July, baby will make three. We saw a photo of Henry Ford's young wife, Cristina. She looks different what's happened to her? W. Dayton, Ohio.

A Italian bombshell Is becoming Americanized. She has lost about 25 pounds and the weight loss has changed her from a voluptuous, vivacious beauty into an elegant high-fashion stick figure. Cristina, once the most down-to-earth girl in the Jet Set, is now becoming more and more preoccupied with herself. The Manhattan apartment of the Fords at the Carlyle Hotel is filled with photographs of Cristina and she is more and more interested in personal publicity. She even goes into "training" for big public appearances and society balls.

I read that Natalie Wood and Bob Wagner desperately wanted a private wedding the second time around. So how come the pictures of the ceremony turned up all over the fan Cristina Michael mf tit umt ml nit nT ii i ml-i ultm wdunt. I. nmi mi tA i. 0.