Logansport Pharos-Tribune from Logansport, Indiana on April 3, 1894 · Page 6
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April 3, 1894

Logansport Pharos-Tribune from Logansport, Indiana · Page 6

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Logansport, Indiana
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Tuesday, April 3, 1894
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Page 6
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When delayed inobtaining' are always provoked, for it (s an indispensable article in Saving article in S ood , houwkteping- far superior to any other in the market, as bright women and bright eroccrs know. Sold everywhere. Men and Women Of Stageland THE JV1ARIE BURROUGHS ART P^FOLlO OF DRAMATIC fF I ERKlTItS Marie •K !• » mwrnl-ficent collection of 240 Photographs of tho most popular Actors. M Slaters and MusiolanB of modern times. Tho photographs are ex- in tbenleheitBtyle of the art and each one Is accompanied by an In£ sketch of thl professional career of the artlBt It represents the of immense labor spent In collection of pbotographs and data neces. completely preBent the moat noted personages of the stage, besides a uttay ol wne>. In the majority of cases the great artist* shown in eolloction have given SPECIAL SITTINGS FOR THIS WORK Which, therefor*. Includes many photographs which are not to be obtained -slMwhere. Olher. have personally wipp'.ted favorite photographs which are aet on public sale and. la fact, the collecilon is Incomparable as to quality -%nd Every Photograph Is a Gem. "T B tho series are included all the Rreat lights of tragedy, comedy grand opera, Melodrama, comto opera, burle 8 q u e and larce; all the favorileB in all branches -^f dramatic and lyric art; In fact all the tat Idois, ttesses and Singers •Of the world who have been seen during recent years on tho American stage. in this Portfolio the election haa been made on a broad and comprehensive itori* to secure a complete representation of the modern ntaee and the eelec- •..iioaias be*n completed under the auporvlaion ot M aa Mario I>,irrOueh9 .hep. ^self one of the mo-t prominent and popular actr-mos of th- day. Ibo Portfolio .will ho ISSUED IN TWELVE PABTS each part CONTAINING TWENIY PHOTOGRAPHS, with the sketches belonging to them. IT IS A COMPLETE MIRROR OF THE MODERN STAGE ,-And the series constitutes practically a Biographical Dictionary of Stage Ce- ^•brltles. Many of the photographs ot this collection U would be Impossible -.o obtain elnewbere at any price; and evon whore obtainable any one of them •would cost as many dollars as the number of cents for whlcd they are offered To the readers of the Journal. We offor them at TEN CENTS for each pan, «aontolnlng twenty photographa, when accompanied by coupons; in Other •arorda, we offer these elegant photographa at HA.tr A CENT APIECE, HOW TO GET THEM: •ar SPECIAL ARRANGEMENT with the publishers this elegant work can be * -jbuined In Loganeport only through THE LOGANSPORT DAILY JOURNAL. t • a erery issue Of this paper there will bo a dated coupon. Three coupons of •ilCoreat d*to3 together with 10 cents presented at the Coupon Department of -the DaUy Journal will secure one of tho parts of the series, and orders by -.mall will ba promptly filled without extra charge. Tho coupons need not be - nonsecutlvs, but must be of different dates. All communications by mall should bo accompanied by a plainly written address to which the Portfolio Is -to be forwarded, and should state the numbsr of the part desired. PMCTICAL JOKES, Save Your Coupons Fielding 1 Telia of Two That Were Particularly Harrowing. One W». Flayed by "Dundr.ary" Sotherp Upon John T. Knymoml »n<l Hio Other Wu« I'layeU by Mother N.tur. on rieWlne Hlnuelf. [COrVIUCHT, 1BSH.1 The observance of April Fool's day is not what it was— not what it oiig-ht to be. We have still plenty of fools, but the old-stylo practical jolcer is no more. I believe that his suppression and the discontinuance of the habit oC blowing out, the pas arc the two chief reforms achieved by l.he agency of the newspaper parapraphor. The new style practical joker is the man who rets a dollar pur joke, and puts the money in the bank. Tie is very much more practical than the real author of the joke who in the early part of this cenlury-probably in the very hard winter of eifrhtoi-n-Jimidred-nnd-fro/tj- to-dealb— was walking arouud^ Xow York with no sok's on his shoes. There was no mniiny in the old fashioned joking, and so it no longer exists in this commercial afro. Far bo it from mo to apologize Tor tiie extinct practiusil joker; and yet there is much l» be said in his favor. Ills chief jus: ideation lies in the undeniable fact, that the ( pirit of practical jolting exists in nature. The most !iniTO\vin:,<- jest ot human | origin that ever I huiinl of was p'.ayed ] by "Dundreary" JSotlu-rn upon .lohn T. Raymond. There wore half a dozen others in the party, but I do not | recall their names. They were in a small billiard rooin in one of the Nc»' York- hotels. It was in a basement and was artificially lighted in the daytime. Kaymond was not playing. He Ing breath could propel it. I couldn't have been heard by a person who had nothing cho to do but listen, and my friends were busily engaged in having fun. I was not having fun, but the merry spirits of the poni were having fun with inc. I cast my eyes toward the shore, and it seemed to be getting further away all tl)(J time. I then repented of the two principal sins which I had committed up to that time. Ten weary strokes nearer tho shore 1 had repented of several more sins, and had begun to see many.respects in which my future conduct could improve, morally, upon my past. Five minutes later I was a, model young man. 1 only needed a little dry land on which to begin a career of faultless perfection. It really seemed as if the casting- overboard of all these iniquities had "lightened ship" as the sailors say, so that I MY VOICE JUST GOT CI.ttAB OK MY CHIN. was keeping tally. Hut as this occupation was not very interesting and he was oppressed by weariness and other things, he naturally fell asleep. Then the merry jest entered Sothcrn's head. There was nobody in the billiard room but their party. They were old patrons and owned the place. In an instant Sothern had communicated his design to the others. The windows were absolutely darkened. Then all tho gas jets were extinguished. Raymond still slept, but presently somebody tickled his nose with the corner of a handkerchief and ho awoke with a .sneeze. At the same time Sothern clicked the balls together on. the table and said: "That was a rattling good shot, old man. I don't .see how yon ever made it." Kaymond straightened up in his chair and gasped. Again the balls clicked, and somebody remarked upon the shot. Kaymond leaped to his feet. "lilind, blind!" ho yelled. "Help me, help me, boys, in God's name! I am stone blind!" Well, the rest may be left to the Imagination. It wasn't really funny after that, for Raymond' shed tears •when the gas was lighted, though he wasn't so badly prostrated as the others, who had never imagined that the joke would be so successful. That was pretty rough, as everyone will Rdroit, and yet I think that smiling nature once played me almost aa mean a trick; and in a way which showed how honestly man came by his love for this particular sport. I was swimming in a large pond at the head of the Mystic river, which Hows through a highly cultured part of Massachusetts, and eventually gets into tho very first circles by flowing 1 into Boston harbor. Such being the social connections of this body of water, I naturally did not expect from it anything BO low in tone as a practical joko. There were three of us in this swimming party, and we toqlc a boat and paddled out into the middle of the pond which was nearly a mile wide. Then we jumped overboard. We played around the boat for awhile, and by and by I struck out for the bank. The water was delightfully warm, and I did not feel at all tired. I made about two hundred yirds from tho boat, and then the first installment of the joke was played on me. At the bottom of tho pond was a spring which spouted up ico water from some mysterious cavern of the earth. When I struck this imitation of the Labrador current I began to understand how funny a mere inanimate body of water can be when it trios. Now when a joko is played on a fool he always does just what tho joker intends that he shall do. A wise man hcos through tho game, and docs the otl>er thing. In this case tho evident intention was to make me swim faster. I fell right into the trap and clawed my way through that icy strip in a way that must have been intensely pratifyiug to tn<: fresh water mermen who were putting up the job on tno. The ideal victim of the practical joker always forgets what he is about the instant (.hat die John begins. In this cano I totally neglected to consider that 1 should need any muscular strength or any breath after I got through tho (iold water. Hut in five minutes I needed both, as the gentleman in thn west is' said to need the revolver. The shore was still a quarter or a mile away, and it looked four times as far. I was scared. The joko was taking hold in good shape. I turned and called to my friends to bring up tho boat.' My voice got Juet clear of my chin sud.'that was us far as my remain- I KEl'KXT OF MY TWO I'HINCH'.VI. SISB. swam easier. I struggled over a hundred yards of water u.nd then utter weariness sullied down upon mo. I was so tired that I dared not try to turn over on my hack to lloat. I know that ! should sink like a stone. What happened after that I don't clearly remember. There is a vague recollection of resolving that I would not only reform my owl) character but (jive my most earnest efforts to reclaiming some of my associates. Several of them occurred to me as being distinctly in need of my services. The two young men behind mo were of the number and I could not help thinking- how much better it would be for tho race if cither oC them was in my position, and I was in the boat. And then suddenly my mind cleared. I saw the shore now very near, and wonderfully beautiful. The sky was bluer than it had ever been before; the air was sweeter. I had never particularly admired the scenery of that part of Massachusetts before, but it came to me then that this was a very desirable place to live in, and that I had about one second more in- which to enjoy it. My logs sunk like lead dragging me down; it was all over with me. Hut my feet touched bottom. I stood there in water which barely reached to my chest, and yet the shore was two hundred yards away. Accustomed from my youth to the bold shores of Maine where a man can drown very conveniently within ten feet of dry land I could not understand this phenomenon. At first I could not move. It occurred to me that I must be accurately balanced on some pinnacle reaching up from tho remote bottom of the pond. Providence had put it in my way because J was too good to be wasted. But at last I slipped off my perch. I sank three inches and struck bottom. Jt felt perfectly level. A horrible suspicion seized me, Ibo- g-an to wade outward along the course over which I had so painfully struggled. I wasn't tired any more, I was I STOOD IN WATER WHICH HKACHED MY CltEST. simply angry. I waded cloar back to the streak ct cold water. The bottom of the pond was as level as a floor. As 1 went J picked up all the sins which I had discarded. 1 oven invented new ones which it has since been my pleasure to commit. When the other fellows in the boat picked me up I was not a reformed young man any more— 1 was a pirate. But on tho way to tho j shore I thought it all over and decided j it would not pay to be wicked. Itmight perhaps bo belter to be smart. I suppose that that is the lesson which April Fool's day was established to inculcate. HOWARD FIEI.DISO. A Coat for a "Word. A poor man may possess a wit so fine that it is capable of doing him a great deal of service, and then wait a long ! time before an opportunity comes for j him to exercise it profitably. This was j the case with an elderly tramp who I was entrusted, for want of a better I messenger, with an errand to the Duke j of Bedford. j "Well, you're a queer fellow'." said j the duke on seeing him. "What isyour name?" "My name is Russell, your grace. Tho duko laughisd heartily, for his own name was Russell. •'And how about your coat-of-arms?" asked the duko. "Is that the same as the duko of Bedford's?" "Ah, your grace," said the man, our arms 'may be much the same, but I fancy there's a blight difference in our coats!" As this fact was only too apparent, the duke sent for a good coat of his own and gave it to the man.-louth s Companion. _A piipci-'one time olTorert pri/.es for short parrvniph.i on topics of interest to women, and there camo in a pithy one entitled "Men"; the writer holding that as some, one particular man is the most interesting thing to someone par- ticulnr woman, so roeii in general must bo to women in ceneral. A HEATED ARGUMENT. It Mlcbt HH»« «*«n Hotter or Wone If Tlioy n«<l Onl.T Hail B l>lotloo»rj. It is a lamentable fact tlmt a difference of opinion as to pronunciation sometimes becomes provocative of irascible boha-oior. Often what oufjht to be a didactic joust degenerates into altercation, aiuid a Tartarian avalanche of words. Not long since a robust, disputative collegian—his clothes of the latest Pall Wall cut, his curmiuc bifurcated necktie ornamented with a solitaire, his hair dressed with oleomargarine and perfumed with ambergris, his face innocent of hirsute adornment, but his month guilty of nicotine—informed a senile, splenetic lawyer that he did not pronounce according to the dictionary. "For," observed the young man, with an air of research, "in your Tuesday's address you said that the si^-ht of cerements sufficed to enervate an attorney; that ii:salamander treated for obesity with prussic acid and pomegranate rind, was disinclined to serpentine movements; that during a soporific discourse delivered to a concourse ol youths, eleven c.xijruous, sacrilegious dwarfs, though under surveillance, made grimaces at an aged man silting on a throe-lcsTK-od stool; that one of t.liese supple, exile fellows of interesting genealogy, being rebuked, looked contrite, but immediately frescoed ii coadjutor's Elizabethan collar with cocaine and marmalade; that in an Aidiiio edition of a lojjii; work you read of a. lugubrious man alllictcd ivitli virulent varioloid and puruli'iit ee/.oma. for \vhich_ a jocund gyni:colo;rift injected iodine and uayeinu; pi:;ipor with a syringe warmed in a chaldron oC tepid syrup— ;>. malpractioe suit being the result Jiy tins way you have n. dictionary'.'" '••Dictionary," replied the lawyer, "pugh: It is a. crrauary from which the'pronunciation tiend fills his commissariat with orthoe.pic romances and vagaries—which to him grow into a philogic fetich; and this fetichism finds outward expression in a supercilious ostentation of erudite vacuity." .Nothing daunted theyoung- man continued: "You said, 'According to precedent it was obligatory upon him to phut his hair as his nomad parents had done, and precedent to stopping under the mistletoe indulged in fulsome praise of himself, hoping thereby to induce a favorite girl to join him. But she being averse to undergoing an ordeal so iri-efragably embarrassing refused: whereupon his features became immobile with chagrin.' This is a verbatim quotation. You sometimes consult a dictionary?" "Yonn? man," retorted the lawyer, his aquiline nose quivering with derisive disdain, "to illustrate tho 'inconsistence of a dictionary, sec how demagogy is pronounced; then turu to pedagogy." •Tardon me. I was speaking of you. In your peroration this occurs: 'An incognito communist, being commandant on the frontier, in one of his hunting expeditions caroc upon an Indian, who, to the accompaniment of the southing wind, was softly playinff a flageolet, for tho purpose of quieting a wounded hydrophobic Bengal tiger penned up "in a hovel. The colonel's companion, a Malay from Sing-apore, acting as seneschal or pursuivant suggested houghing the rampant animal, or giving it some dynamite, morphine und saline yeast. A noose was adjusted and the nauseous dose administered, whereupon the combative tiger coming in premature contact with a dilapidated divan, bade adieu to things sublunary and proceeded to grace the empyrean.' You have a dictionary?" The old roan becoming angered at the raillery of this question, and at the cherubic smilo of superiority with which it was asked, launched forth in an objurgating- tirade; insisting- that he did not regard himself sacrificable to the juggernaut of orthoepy. "Have I a dictionary?" thundered he; "dictionary be hanged!" Here arohangels began the sonorous chanting of tho music of a bolero, and the disputa.nts adjourned sine die.— Washington Post. A Ob»onre ChlroKrupliy. A certain lawyer in this city writes so badly that he cannot decipher his own handwriting when it is cold. Recently a client called upon him and requested him to writo a professional letter to a certain person, which he wished to read bufore it was sent. In a few days he received the letter, but could not read a word of it, except tho signature. As a final resort he called on tho lawyer. "I have your letter to Mann Jt Co., but I cannot make out a line of it." The lawyer took- it, glanced it over carefully, and said: "Neither can I." After some deliberation the lawyer asked; "What was it you wanted me to write them about'.'" The client related the circumstances, and the lawyer was then able to decipher his own letter of advice.— Detroit Free Press. "MOTHERS' FRIEND" MAKES CHilD BIRTH EASY. Colvln, lit.., Dec. 2, 1886.— My TiJe uaed IIOTHEB'S FRIEND bcforo .Icr third ;oa&r>emeiit, And nays sho wouid not bo without it for hundreds of dollars- DOCK nt byezpresson receipt of j-ri<:<\ flMper boi- Book " To Mothers •' ir^ilud lioe. I BRADFIELD RCOWLATOR CO., f?lt milM mj ALL pHuaollTC. ATLANTAt '.*.V Fjr sale oyHon FACIAL BLEMISHES I will remove. Freckle* J*iinl»lf*»« ltlnckl»c*d», iff olll |>:ilrIlcn t Silllow- nf.io>, \Vrliilil<'« and all oilier ."kin l)li.'inlslic& LOLAMJXTEZCimM The prrnl skin fnoi) anil , will ,— __________ 10 tvms tun! U'.isiirt. lor a box of skin lood tinil faci; [lOuvlcr. I'n'o. 1'ron. Frfc, MRS. NETTIE HARRISON A!iu'ririi's)!i.*uiy Dor-tor, 20 <ir:iry MrooU San irraurlNoo, Cal» ;i01 Klin ^l. CiiiL-inr.HU, Oln'o. ilalr ptnuaucmly removed. - ,.. . ."':f i.,-id. \vhir.h Ti>i:i;u.r.i<-u—, utnl oft on •i^nlliii^ !n (-;i, u:::)'-<-c>:;i:y. V'.'iiy andu'ft th.s 'omblo diaetiae? Wo. Kunrante« 6 noxoe to euro any cnoe. i"u '«ili' liny lor l)i.;n Til* ivri'tW'!. !I :i 1"™. f ' fllr !•'• *-l,l by m.-.H. ti<.i.ii"i!it<.<- Ir-Mi'*! by our UK'i'iit-. ^nwcT!PATinW c ' jred - Pil! ' s Prcvncn ,! 1 i UUftb I irA I [UN byl.-'is-.<";<-Uv.rP«M<}t» iliopn-il-IVKHarilSTOJlACii i'l.<ii:i.ATOK im<l uT'uo'ilTJill-'iKK. Smiill. !'•"•• -""I !ili'ii«nin to ink" p'^jc'-l'iliy iidniite.1 f..r iliiM™-'.-»<'. CUDoeoi •20 c'c'lil^! G I! A UA.5T1'KF-S iBsneJ (inly by W. n. POtTSB, Dniffilst, 328 Market St., Lo- -nnsport, Ind. injcc:cj Thin li> (ho utto . 'ci'Df, r^ulrrt no c!,»n5» of diet or *coui, mercurial W [xi^ftnom n»d- iosto bo UiVca irit*rn«lly. When A PREVENTIVE bycitlitriitt: it liimrwv.tlblnto conlne* any v cni't-fdl A i^aw ; l-utln W. gansport. Ind. aE St., Lo Md vigor 9 H ,,, k .h,!v cmluion>. oiiliv, etc.. i.un-lf <-ur^d by I,\f»AI»O. tlloj KJ»«t doo Rcnmdy. With wrlll*»|T«»rMI«*lw*«r», Hold DJ ' KN t'lifillilc, IBHS Antffreeiiblo LdJdtlvo and NERVE TONIC Sold by Driest!' or sent by mail. ajc.,j0o, •nd $1.00 per pdcluure. Samples free The Favorite TOOTH WTO1I forthoTMth«ndBrc*ltl,»6o. for Bale biB.K. "fff\ HVf A LADY'S TOILET Is not complete without an ideal POMPLEXIOU U POWDER. II I POZZONI'S Combines every element ofl I beauty and purity. It is beauti-1 J tying, soothing, healing, health-! ful, and harmless, and when I rightly used is invisible. A most I delicate and desirable protection | U the face in this climate. Insist npcn baring th« genuine. IT IS FDR SALE EVERYWHERE, QUAKER CATARRH GORE ('.iflrrtnt Cmin n nit.i peculiar cntnN:i.i!:' ,,i r »1,«,ltti* mr- r..r ti,<», Ur bU (Viii» , , pule, vnporo ts will « •ionUlinn oily lvi>c. (I Is ""> i! directly to scat of disease with * rl«<l iixl quickly cITcctMiriire. lit r i,.i*»1 r»w»c«i. AIMv» InflMMm- ll. Iu-H«<t«0«U !• l»« ll~< •'••"• s the Sorri. K^'-OTV' T siMi: • " gUAKER"»IE°D'icAL ASSOCIATION. ST. PAUL. MIMIt For sale in Logansport by BKH FISHBB, LOST MANHOOD RESTORED. "" AfTXK USING, For Mle In I •fuwport by Bur Vmar*. Dru«irt|

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