Pittsburgh Post-Gazette from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania • Page 111

May 7 2008 Thursday South Zone PITTSBURGH POST-GAZETTE THURSDAY, MAY 8, 2008 WWW.POST-GAZETTE.COM S-2 next time my car needs Ms. Peters said she thinks the rebate will be helpful for those who need the For Cindy Lackner, 52, of Mt. Lebanon, the rebate is a sweet dream. The clerk at Mt. Lebanon High school library said she plans to buy a new mattress and box springs for her bedroom.

will buy but I think most people will need to use it for more practical items, such as buying groceries and filling up their cars with Megan Bichsel, 44, of Mt. Lebanon, a homemaker, said she is using rebate money to pay off her credit card. Still, she is distrustful of the overall merits of the plan. just want to make people think they are doing something before the election, Mrs. Bichsel said.

Linda Lape, 50, of Green Tree, another homemaker, said that she will use the money for some needed home improvements. like others, am glad to get some money, but I think this is an election ploy. money, any money go far these days because of the high cost of gas and she said. For Chuck Henke, 48, of Carnegie, a mechanic for the Port Authority, the money goes into the bank, but even that please him. wife and I will save he said.

But Mr. Henke also said the government should have used the money spent in the rebate plan to lower the overall cost of gasoline. Their family spends more than $100 per week in gas these days. Barbara Jane Ferrall, 60, Mt. Lebanon, a retired attorney, suggested that she and perhaps others should use the extra cash to reduce debt.

is a belt tightening time so I will pay down my consumer debt. Still, I think a gimmicky thing to do before the Cynthia Nellis, 67, Castle Shannon, a massage therapist, will also use what she called for practical purposes: set it aside to pay my local Still it could have a higher purpose: She is consider using some of it for her church. just got a letter from Mt. Lebanon United Lutheran Church asking me to Ms. Nellis said.

The practical side of her also questions the math of it all. wonder how much it will cost the government to send all of those checks? Consider postage and administrative Dot Colaizzi, 62, of Dormont, a coordinator for home deliver meals service, will also pay down her debt and may add to her savings. put some toward my credit card bill, then maybe put some in she said. Dawn Weaber, 30, Mt. Lebanon, who works as a caregiver, said she is still questioning the long-term benefits of the stimulus package, Still she will make good use of the money.

plan to put it towards buying a she said. Steve Eiszler, 63, Mt. Lebanon, a retired meter reader for Equitable Gas, said first things first: worried about getting it Mr. Eiszler added that regardless of the amount, the rebate is a whole lot of money today, especially when one considers the price of He said he think that the rebate plan is going to help the overall economy. If they would end the war in Iraq could afford to give us twice as much.

almost laughable how far is that gonna The travel industry will like Ken plan for his check. Mr. Wenclawski, 44, of Carnegie, a warehouse worker, is using the money to vacation in Las Vegas. will probably go like he said snapping his fingers. Despite the fun time planned, Mr.

Wenclawski is sour on the plan. The rebate, he said, about George Bush winning points and increasing his Retiree Jean Chamberlin, 62, Bethel Park, said she plans to use the check to pay off debt. Still she thinks Uncle Sam have done this. government should give good to poor people and help them with their utilities. Then they could be sure the money will be well spent.

plan will not stimulate the overall she said. Retiree Bob Fallgren, 64. of Green Tree, impressed either. will use it, just like I would use my other money. I think a good idea.

We pay too much in taxes anyhow. A better idea, he said, would be and permanent tax Debra McConahy, 56, of Rosslyn Farms, a special education teacher in the Mt. Lebanon School District, sold on the tax stimulus package, either. All I can afford to buy with it are the less expensive goods, something made in China, perhaps? certainly not enough for me to redo the Ms. McConahy said that in the end she will probably spend it on the house gas bill.

As it is, her family spends about $1,000 a month on gas. government should use the money to make us less dependent on fossil fuels. It would be great it they built a windmill in my Freelance writer Dev Meyers contributed to this report. Most leery of rebate but plan to spend money REBATE, FROM PAGE S-1 If you have a correction and cannot reach the responsible reporter or editor, please call the office of David M. Shribman, executive editor, 412-263-1890.

A photo of a javelin thrower on the Baldwin High School track and field team, which appeared in last South, had an incorrect identification. The javelin thrower is Dave Linz. corrections clarifications Pittsburgh Press Copyright 2008, PG Publishing Co. Published daily and Sunday by PG Publishing Co. USPS 434-280.

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Mail rates for Sunday: 52 weeks, $190; 26 weeks, $95, 13 weeks, $47.50. Mail service is not available within a 75-mile radius of Pittsburgh. Pittsburgh Post-Gazette is a federally registered trademark and service mark. South wide A place for grief By Erin Gibson Allen Some 150,000 children and young adults in the United States die from accidents or illness every year, according to a survey done by the support group, the Compassionate Friends Inc. When such a tragedy occurs, family, friends, neighbors even compassionate strangers are often moved to help the grieving family, but wonder what to do.

Professionals who practice in the field of thanotology, the study of death, including the needs of surviving family members, suggest several tactics for offering meaningful support. Deborah Bowen, a social worker and co-author of Good Friend for Bad Times: Helping Others Through Grief said in a phone interview this week from her Wrightsville Beach, N.C., home that receiving help and encouragement from others is often vital to those struggling to deal with an overwhelming loss. How a concerned person can help, Ms. Bowen said, depends on how close he or she is to the grieving family. Extended family members may be able to help with personal matters, such as making sure bills are paid on time.

A close friend can simply sit with the grieving person. Neighbors and church organizations can help with chores, Ms. Bowen suggested. She also recommends that organizations, or groups of friends, coordinate a memorial, such as planting a tree. memorial can give the family a place to go and feel the life of their loved one in a concrete she said.

A grieving family may not even realize what they need help with, Ms. Bowen cautioned. So, instead of saying, me know if I can do she recommended that those who want to help ask specific questions, such as: I am going to the grocery store this afternoon. What can I pick up for your David Roberts, who lost a daughter and who teaches a course on parental bereavement at Utica College, said that assistance such as Ms. Bowen suggested is helpful because grieving parents are often low on energy and struggle with daily tasks.

He did not return to his normal energy levels, he said, until more than two years after his death. Jeannine Roberts, 18, died of a rare form of cancer in 2003. Experts also agree that support should be long-term. Grieving the loss of a child, Mr. Roberts said, is a lifelong process and the people who have been the most helpful to him are those who continue to support him, years later.

Holidays such as Day on Sunday are among the most painful times for grieving parents. How families want to recognize these holidays varies, she said. the family how they want to spend the holiday. Maybe they want to be left alone, or maybe they would like to go Both Ms. Bowen and Mr.

Rob- erts agree that there are certain things people should never say to a grieving parent. Among the no-nos they both admonished: can have and have other and you move on with your Wayne Loder, public awareness coordinator with the Compassionate Friends, agrees that platitudes are more hurtful than helpful. Mr. Loder, who lost two children in a 1991 car accident Stephen, 5, and Stephanie, said that people should not tell a family, know how you or only gives people what they can Experts agree, however that people should not avoid the grieving family out of a fear of not knowing what to say. Instead, they recommend, that one talk about the life of the child or simply listen to parents as they talk about the child.

Supporters should not hesitate to use the name, Mr. Roberts said. People are often afraid to talk about the deceased out of a fear of upsetting the parent, he said. already upset. When a person asks me about Jeannine, he is learning about her life, and honoring me as a Mr.

Loder also advises people not to be afraid to cry with the family. is a tribute to the lost he said. Experts also say that groups can help a grieving family by offering therapy or support from families who have been through a similar experience. Below is a list of some organizations that provide support to grieving families. Compassionate Friends.

The Compassionate Friends is a national nonprofit, self-help, support organization for bereaved parents, grandparents and siblings. The organization holds annual conferences for grieving families. For more, call 1-877-969-0010 or visit www.compassionatefri ends.org. The organization has more than 600 chapters. For more on the local chapter visit www.tcfpittsburgh.org.

Highmark Caring Place. Parents facing the loss of a child can find support at the Caring Place for surviving siblings. Also, parents are able to attend some grief sessions with their children. For more, visit www.h ighmarkcaringplace.com. The Good Grief Center.

This local, nonprofit group is a comprehensive resource and referral center that provides support to grieving families. The group offers workshops, a library of related books, and a family program for children, teens and their families. For more, visit www.goodgriefcenter.com or call 412-461-1776. Contact Pittsburgh. This is a 24-hour crisis hot line.

412820-HELP (4357). Churches and religions groups often provide support to grieving families. Westminster Presbyterian Church in Upper St. Clair offers a 13-week program twice a year called This is open to the public and is a weekly seminar and support group For more, call 412-835-6630. Some other groups that provide specialized support and how to reach them: Mothers Against Drunk Driving www.madd.org.

The SIDS Alliance www.sidsalliance.org. Survivors of Suicide www Parents of Murdered Children www.pomc.com. SHARE Pregnancy Infant Loss Support www.nat ionalshareoffice.com. Ms. book is published by Augsburg Fortress Publishers and sells for $12.99.

The book is available on www.amazon.com. Erin Gibson Allen is a freelance writer. Parents who lose children need time, support. how friends can help IndividualCouples Families with children Rebates for incomes of at least $3,000 Rebates on the way Tax rebates from the 2008 economic-stimulus package will start going out Monday. for an income of partial rebate for income up to $87,000 Up to $1,200 for a joint income of $150,000 and under; partial rebate for income up to $174,000 Additional $300 per child Source: U.S.

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Lebanon, Upper St. Clair, Green Tree, Banksville Road, Scott 412-263-1383 Ed Sheehy South Park, Bethel Park, Castle Shannon, Whitehall, Route 19 South from Boyce Road to Waterdam Plaza 412-263-1855 Rich Tuchnowski Route 51 South from Liberty Tunnels to Bill Green Shopping Center, Brookline, West Mifflin, Dormont, Carrick, Homestead, Mount Washington 412-263-1276 South bureau fax: 412-854-1610 Downtown fax: 412-263-1877 For South news online, visit: SOUTH SOUTH CONNECTIONS dress is a daughter-in-law, Arlene Stypula, of Dravosburg, agreed. of all the blessings that have been made on this she said. Arlene husband, Richard, and three children and eight grandchildren have all worn the christening gown. a living history with the love that put into she said.

Catherine Stypula said she to pack Arlene Stypula is in charge of storing it in between uses. She wraps it in protective blue fabric to keep it from damaging light. The family tradition also includes embroidering each first name and the year of their christening on one of the layers of the dress. Arlene Stypula has taken over the role of embroidering each new name as well. The long, cotton dress has a delicate sheer overlay with an elaborate pattern of roses, ivy and bows.

Underneath is a built- in slip, where the neatly sewn names of each baby line the edge of several horizontal panels. generation has ended one complete Arlene Stypula said. When they ran out of room on the fabric after the third generation, she started adding names above the original row, where the original wedding date of Joseph and Josphine Papciak is sewn. Mr. and Mrs.

Papciak are deceased; he worked as a shoemaker for many years. Brian Stypula learned other details surrounding the christening tradition as they prepared for his ceremony. He know the maternal grandmother would be responsible for dressing the baby in the heirloom dress prior to the ceremony. Beth takes over from he said. thought, a whole ritual to According to Arlene Stypula, each christening is unique.

of my granddaughters wore Steelers socks underneath the dress. So the kids still make it their own she said. think a really sweet Ms. Lion agreed. But she also wanted to incorporate her own family customs for Mariah.

my family, the tradition to have the godmother buy the dress. So, Mariah changed to a new dress for the party afterward. working she said. Catherine Stypula believes her mother would be surprised the dress has become such a legacy. think she would chuckle to know still using she said.

she was always ahead of her Jennifer Goga is a freelance writer. Fourth generation wears family christening gown GOWN, FROM PAGE S-1.