The Star-Democrat from Easton, Maryland • Page 29

Sunday. Juno 10, 2001. Page 7C Family Lifestyle II SIN 1 A GRWDPAREXTIXG Rookie dads forge bonds with babies By SAM.VNTIIA CRITC1IELL Associated Press Writer 1 Dee and Tom Hardie 1 isn't work, it's just worth it. It's important for fathers to make "the daddy connection" when the children are very young because they don't have the innate bond shared by mothers and babies, she explains. Fathers need to develop a neurological bond so the babies recognize their smell, appearance and even the way touch.

Fox nudges fathers toward establishing this bond in her new book Rookie (Pocket Books Trade Paperback), a play-by-play guide to nurturing, caring for and interacting with a baby throughout his first year. (Fathers often don't want to have to ask for help, says Fox, they'd rather look it up in a book on their own, sort of like most men prefer to consult a map instead of asking for directions. She uses sports analogies throughout the book even urging dads to read the sports pages of the newspaper with their tykes. The activity might spark a new tradition and prepare children to sit still for long ball games later in life. Steve Benton of Woodinville, says he and son Cole, 2, enjoy reading stories, taking walks and throwing rocks in the pond.

The duo is featured in Fox's book. "I want to be his buddy and I want to be his mentor," says Benton, whose wife is expecting twins. The 46-year-old dad says he shares all parenting duties including providing affection. "I almost feel like I hug him too much." Andrew Borrevik also says he has no qualms about showering 13 month-old Spencer with hugs, kisses and words that express a father's love for his son. "I have a good relationship with my own dad but when I hang up the phone with my mother I say, I love but I don't say it to my dad.

I want to be able to do that with Spencer." Fathers of yesteryear and even some 21st-century dads worry that showing physical love and emotional vulnerability, particularly to boys, will either lessen their own masculinity or make their infant sons less masculine when they grow up, says Fox. Borrevik says he can see how those issues might arise in other families, but it's not an issue with him. "I want him (Spencer) to know that showing his feelings is OK and we'll work through things together. And if it means some ridicule who cares'7" And, he adds, with more mothers working full-time and fathers taking on household duties, society is allowing fathers and their children to develop this closer bond. When Spencer's mother went back to work after a five-month maternity leave, Borrevik then took five months off from his job at an automobile wholesale com pany to do his tour of duty.

The time spent with each parent has already taught Spencer that he has two "go-to parents," observes Borrevik, 34, of Snoqualmie, Wash. In fact, adds Fox, it's better for each parent to do a little bonding privately with their child especially if the mom might criticize how a new dad is handling something. "Men connect through activity, not talking. They're just wired differently They don't sit and talk for Two hours to forge a bond like women do." Neither way is better, Fox says, they're just different. And kids benefit from both approaches.

While mothers typically are the nurtur-ers offering unconditional love, fathers encourage autonomy, persistence and peak performance, she explains. Research shows that most successful adults from Tiger Woods to top Microsoft executives have close relationships with both parents, Fox adds. Benton's advice for soon-to-be dads: "Jump in." He had no time to hem and haw about his rOle when, in the delivery room at the hospital, the doctor just told him to put on gloves and then help pull the baby out from the birth canal. HFrom then on, it was hands-on' right away." NEW YORK (AP) Forget the chaos that surrounds a newborn baby. There may not be a more peaceful feeling in the world than holding that baby close and just listening to him breathe.

This technique even works on "rookie dads," the new fathers who, on the surface, seem to have it all together but still are afraid of "breaking" the baby. "Dads approach babies differently than moms, they handle it differently and their interests are different," says pediatric neurodevelopmental therapist Susan Fox. "They're not initially hands-on because men are worried about breaking or dropping the baby, but they also are interested in challenging the baby from a very young age." And, she adds, nowadays, fathers play an important role in the daily life of children. Dads are not weekend playmates, says Seattle-based Fox, they are full-time parents. While the new chores do take up time from already busy schedules, men also reap the rewards of lower blood pressure and a lower heart rate when they relax with their babies, Fox notes.

In the moment when a father enjoys the light breathing of a sleeping baby nestled into his chest, he realizes that parenting Reflections and reality on TV ft i 1 to profiling different players and watching the team develop, it sometimes feels like filler, and everything might easily have been more streamlined. "I wouldn't want to watch the whole thing," agrees Mandy, 11. "I liked some of the players, and sometimes I sorta liked seeing them play. Me and my friends are kind of like some of them. I'm kind of into baseball, so it was OK." Ratings Scale: 1-10 (10 is the highest) Appropriateness: 6 The series can move slowly, but young baseball fans may enjoy seeing themselves reflected in the team.

Visuals: 6 Live action, slightly gritty looking; it's certainly realistic. Humor: 4 Like life, it's not written in, but the moments are there. Believability: 5 Although you know that moments have been edited out, it has an obviously authentic feel. Social Value: 5 While the subject sometimes doesn't seem to merit an entire series, it can be interesting to watch the arc of the team's attitudes and emotions. Fun Factor: 6 Slow passages intervene, but it's interesting getting to know the players.

Evan Levine is the author of "Kids Pick the Best Videos for Kids," from Carol Publishing. join. Newspaper Kiiti-rpriM- Asmi. DJifci State of Grace Fox Family Channel; Mondays There's something about adult narrators looking back on their lives that TV and movies can't seem to get enough of. Adding to the genre comes "State of Grace," a new series that features a voiceover by Frances McDormand as Hannah, a woman in her forties looking back at her coming of age in 1960s North Carolina.

The twist here is that her family is Jewish and somewhat out of place. Into the life of the young Hannah comes Grace, a wealthy, eccentric girl who is also, in her own way, out of place, and who changes the lives of Hannah and her family. The series is ambitious, often asking a lot from its audience; it is also occasionally moving and filled with lovely small details that bring the era to life. It can also be maddeningly precious, telegraphing its emotions via pop music rather than letting the audience think and feel for themselves. At times, the series also moves into melodrama, especially when it's concerned with Grace's family, feeling more like a lost bit of minor Tennessee Williams than something designed for modern-day families.

"I liked this because the girls were so different but they still got explained Tessa, 10. "It was really fun to see Grace's life because it was really glamorous, but she was sad, too, because she just wanted to be with her mom. I would watch again to see what happens." Despite its shortcomings, it's one to watch, and to watch out for. -( Ratings Scale: 1-10 (10 is the highest) Appropriateness: 7 Some of the scenes are a little "adult." It might be a good one to watch with preteens. A -v" i-.

The series "State of Grace" is its audience; it is also moving i Grandson shows early mechanical aptitude Dear Dee and Tom: I'm very proud ot my amazing grandson, Alex, almost 11. He loves work ing on mechanical things just like his father does. His mother is no slouch either. I can't say that grandpa is in the same class. Last summer Alex and his parents were on their boat in Block Island Harbor here in Rhode Island.

A neighboring boat was having trouble with its engine, and dad, an uncle and Alex went over to see what was wrong. Alex, very curious, wanted to take a look, so the owner invited him below. The owner said he had been told by an "expert" that he needed a $700 heat exchanger. Alex looked things over and quickly pointed out that a hose was disconnected. The owner easily reconnected the hose and started his engine.

The owner then popped his head out of the hatch and shouted, "Whose kid is this anyway?" Alex's dad admitted to parentage, thinking there must be trouble brewing. But the owner announced that Alex had just solved his problem. An hour later, the replacement heat exchanger arrived. Duncan H. Doolittle, Narragansett, R.I.

Intrigued, and with the boating season fast approaching in much of the country, we called Alex and had a lengthy interview with this young mechanical prodigy, an honors student in West Kingston, R.I. He told us: "I have four small gasoline tractors and keep 'em running smoothly. But I really want to design power boats and yachts and go to MIT in Boston. I've also got a great family. My granddad was a big hero, a pilot in World War II.

But my sister, 19, who used to like boats, now prefers boys. I'm looking for repair business. My first visit is free, and the second and third visits are $2 each." If you're looking for help, drop us a line and we'll forward your SOS to Alex. It's obvious that this mechanical whiz is off and running smoothly and well-connected. We only wish we lived closer to him.

GRAND REMARKS OF THE WEEK Dear Dee and Tom: I can happily report that I'm still working and will continue to do so until I think I'm overstaying. My old friend Frank Pace, who started National Public Broadcasting, used to say, "Get out while they still want you." We survivors are a pretty tough lot. As Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. said: "The question isn't whether life is worth living. The question is how you can get enough of it." Ward Chamberlin, Adamsville, R.I.

Our reader, a former All-American soccer player and a successful lawyer, has gotten a great deal of "it." In World War II he was an ambulance driver in the American Field Service, and for years has been an acknowledged "spark plug" in public broadcasting. He and Ly-dia, his artist-wife of 50 years, have two daughters and four grands. At 79, he's still operating at full speed. Dee and Tom, married more than 40 years, have 10 grandchildren. They welcome questions, suggestions and Grand Remarks of the Week.

Send to P.O. Box 34, Butler, MD 21023. Or e-mail them at C2tn ITiiVKRSAI. PRESS SYNDICATE Rec instructors needed for fall, winter classes EASTON Talbot County Parks and Recreation is planning the fall and winter recreation programs for 20012002. Activities are being planned at the Talbot County Community Center and various schools.

For more information call the Talbot County Community Center at 410-770-8050 or come by the center and complete an MANOR HHUSE Visuals: 7 Live-action, with nice production values. Humor: 6 When it doesn't veer into stereotype, it can be amusing. Evan Levine Believability: 5 Credibility can be strained at times, in sharp contrast to some very believable interaction among family members. Social Value: 6 A nice slice of life. Fun Factor: 7 The series has strong potential; it needs to rely on its characters, rather than its gothic impulses and too much music.

On the Team Nickelodeon; Monday-Friday Reality programming keeps reaching for younger and younger audiences. Thankfully, unlike its adult counterparts, that mostly means glimpses of what other kids' lives are like. Witness "On the Team," a series about a kids' baseball team in Brooklyn, New York. (The series was launched in January on Noggin, an educational network from Nickelodeon and Sesame Workshop.) The documentary series follows the Camp Friendship Panthers, a coed diverse group of 9-and 10- year old players. They go from being the underdogs to a cohesive group of players, and the series will Interest viewers most when it chronicles how the change came about.

Viewers will also enjoy identifying with the different players. The downside is that, like any documentary series, this one has its slow sections. And while it's interesting to see the team coalesce, 13 episodes can seem like an awful lot for its subject matter. Although time is given and single-mother homes were up by 25 percent. Single father-headed households remain only a small percentage.

Married couples with children make up 24 percent of all households whether family or nonfamily. They were 39 percent of all homes in 1970. Single-mother homes comprised 7 percent of all households in 2000, up from 5 percent 30 years ago. Looked at another way, single-father homes made up 3 percent of the country's 71 million family households in 2000. Family households are those in which one or more people are related to the householder.

Single fathers "need help just as much as single mothers," said Darryl Pure, a psychologist from Chicago who has had sole custody of his three children for four years, but they have a harder tune asking. The Census Bureau counts single fathers in a category that could allow other adults, such as the child's grandparents, to be present, but bureau analysts and advocates said research shows that most of the men in the category are raising children alone. According to 2000 Census data being released recently, some of the biggest increases in single-father Households occurred in Southern and Western states: up 126 percent in Nevada, and 68 percent in Virginia. RUN in the HOUSE 1 ambitious, often asking a lot from and filled with lovely details. Welcome to retirement living at Methodist Manor House.

Where running indoors is encouraged. So is swimming. And walking. Even riding a bike. All available in our fully staffed indoor aquatics and fitness center.

Or roll the golf bag outdoors; four beautiful courses beckon nearby. Because we believe that retirement is about staying active. About enjoying and enriching yourself body and soul. We invite you to experience all the facets of life at Manor House where wet bring retirement to life everyday. Single-father homes on the rise WASHINGTON AP) The number of single men raising children increased dramatically in the past decade as American families and courts grew more willing to accept the idea that sometimes the best place for kids is with Dad.

The 2000 Census found: Out of the country's total 105.5 million households. 2 Der- cent, or 2.2 million, comprised fathers raising children without a mother living there. The number of single-father households rose 62 percent in 10 years. Single tatners say tne numrjers help undermine a long-standing perception that single dads tend to abandon their kids or at least not to take care of them as well as single moms, said Vince Regan, an Internet consultant from Grand Rapids, raising five kids on his own. Thomas Coleman, executive director of the American Asso ciation for Single People, at tributed the rise in single dads to a variety of reasons that in clude more judges' readiness to award custody to fathers in divorce cases and more women's decisions to choose jobs over family life.

The 62 percent increase in sin gle-father households far outpaced other living arrangements. The number of households in which both parents raise the children increased by 6 percent, A tOUAl MOUSWG Call today for information, or to schedule a visit! lOOI Middteford Road Seaford, Delaware 19973-3697 800 775 4593 302 628 5622 www.pumh.org A PENINSULA UNITED METHODIST COMMUNITY.