Medway Standard from Chatham, Kent, England • 18

18 MEDWAY STANDARD, Tuesday, 23 November, 1999 Take a break Whether it's a long weekend break, a Standard rely luxury variety holiday on of cruise. your trips service or that local a to you longer bring are newspaper's holiday, you looking the for. you reader right can Star Holiday Cliff Richard in Concert Friday 17 December 2 day break for only £99 PRICE INCLUDES: Coaching throughout, 1 night's hotel accommodation in a shared twin room with en suite facilities, ticket for Cliff's evening concert at the NIA Birmingham, English breakfast, visit to Stratford-upon-Avon, services of a Destinations Tour Manager, all taxes, VAT and service charges Twixmas in Lille The Millennium Celebration A fabulous 3 Still unsure how to bring in the day break Millennium? We have the perfect from only solution! Join us on this tabulous £79.95 8 day holiday to Cyprus and stay in luxury for only £699. Departs: Monday 27 December Departing: Wed 29 December PRICE INCLUDES: PRICE INCLUDES: Coaching throughout, return Channel Scheduled flights from Gatwick to Paphos Airport crossings, 2 nights' hotel accommodation and returning from Larnaca to Heathrow, return in a shared twin with transfers from Airport to our hotel in Limassol, 7 room en suite facilities nights' hotel accommodation at the St in Lille, continental breakfasts in Lille, full Raphael Resort in a shared twin room with en day excursion to Brussels, free time in Lille, suite facilities, full buffet breakfasts, Gala Services of a Destinations Tour Manager Millennium New Year's Eve Dinner, Champagne breakfast on New Year's Day Here are just a few of our forthcoming holidays, please call the brochure order line for more details: HOLIDAY DURATION DATE PRICE Birmingham International Tattoo 2 days £65.95 Cadbury World Granada 2 days £75.95 Germany's Christmas Markets 4 days £89.00 Visit Santa in Lapland (by air) 1 day £249.00 Belgian Delights 3 days £69.95 Christmas in Switzerland 8 days £399.00 Christmas in Germany 6 days £249.00 Christmas in the North-West 4 days £199.95 New Year in Lille Bruges 4 days £199.95 Breathtaking Bruges 3 days £89.00 Austrian Winter Wonderland 7 days £129.95 Cyprus Long Stay 22 days £489.00 Amsterdam 3 days £79.95 Paris Winter Warmer 3 days £69.00 Cadbury Oxford 2 for 1 2 days £99 for 2 Cyprus Long Stay 22 days £489.00 Disneyland Paris 4 days £129.95 Warwick Castle Hatton Country World 2 days £59.95 Austrian Winter Wonderland 7 days £129.95 Cyprus Long Stay 22 days £489.00 Breathtaking Bruges 3 days £89.00 Torquay 5 days £129.95 Lunch on the Orient Express £149.95 Dinner on the Orient Express £149.95 Iceland for a day 1 day £189.00 To receive individual brochures for any of the holidays featured above, call the Kent Regional Newspapers reservation and brochure order line on 0870 240 1952 (calls charged at normal STD rates) ABTA All our holidays are organised by Destinations Travel Company Ltd ABTA or Imaginations Air Travel ATOL 5137 Double Vision Sports Editor Lance Morgan and his son Gareth present two contrasting views of the TV scene All the King's Men can put drama back together again the Men UNDAY'S greatest (BBC1, 9pm) mysteries much-vaunted was of the billed All First as the one World King's of War. It concerned the Sandringham Company, part of the fifth battalion of the Norfolk Regiment, and its complete disappearance in Turkey.

It was beautifully acted, the scenery was good and the story should have had me riveted. But at the end of it all, the biggest mystery, for me was that anyone in their right minds would have believed a "Hand of God" could suddenly sweep the entire regiment off the battlefield and to the safety of somewhere. Vivid descriptions told of a mist which descended, covering the Sandringhams as they went over the top. The soldiers were never seen again. Surely the theory expounded by the drama itself was more realistic.

That like in virtually every First World War battle, soldiers went over the top and were cut to pieces. Those who survived were probably butchered by the Turks and with 500,000 unidentified corpses, perhaps it's not that surprising that 100 or so Sandringhams were lost forever. However, what wasn't answered was the question surrounding those who fell at the start of the charge. You'd have thought they could have been identified, wouldn't you? Still, I was impressed with David Jason's acting he's so versatile that programmemakers must have him top of their list every time they come up with something new while Maggie Smith's portrayal of a Queen who didn't entirely trust the generals was pretty much spot-on. Going by what I was told by both my grandfathers, everyone hated the generals because they forever got it wrong.

HO Wants to be a Millionaire continues to per leave cent me of an mystified. audience who Especially thought three Linford Christie was an actor in Dr Zhivago. NE would suppose, rightly, that foot0 ball week. took up much of my TV time last And here's where I go against the grain and against everything I read in our dear old national snoozepapers. Yeah, we lost to the Jocks.

Yeah, they could have won by more. Yeah, we went through by the skin of our teeth. Where I disagreed, was in some of the assessments about Wednesday's game. I thought it was pretty exciting and pretty much end-to-end at times. Beckham had a splendid game, the rest were pants.

But if we were so bloody awful, how come the Sweatys didn't slaughter us? Bravehearts, they were called. Useless would be a better description because if they can't beat one of the worst English teams ever, they don't deserve to go through. Oh, in my opinion, Hutchinson shouldn't have been on the field on Wednesday, any- way. He committed the most dangerous tackle over 120 minutes, at Hampden on Saturday, should have been red-carded and should, therefore, have been banned. GARETH'S IRREVERENT BIT YOU remember Light Lunch, or the you evening may equivalent remember Late the Lunch? presenters If not, a plump woman resembling a guinea-pig called Mel Giedroyc and a skinner, uglier, lesbian-looking girl with short, greasy hair, called Sue Perkins.

They are supposed to be best friends, but Sue puts her best friend down at every given opportunity, almost definitely because a) everyone finds her less annoying and b) she's prettier. (Please note that this in no way means she is good-looking). Anyway, they are back by unpopular demand. Casting Couch (Mon, ITV 10:30) is allegedly an entertainment quiz show full of celebs. I say allegedly, because the celebs they managed to wow the audience with were Chris Moyles (who has the perfect face for radio), that Spider off Corrers (who has the perfect face for radio), Joe Absolem (who has the perfect face of a monkey) and two blokes who were supposed to be comedians, but were obviously pulled in off the street.

The saving grace of the show was Tamara Beckwith and not because she's funny, clever or interesting, because she's not. For a start, I don't actually know how Mel and Sue were given a shot to present because they have all the presenting skills of Matthew Kelly, are as annoying as Jeremy Beadle and about as funny as brewer's droop. If the show's producers had bothered to get decent presenters, they might have pulled in some decent celebs and then, of course, more viewers. Instead, they got these two muppets who, as far as I could tell, attempted to copy parts of Vic and Bob's Shooting Stars. "We will demonstrate this through the medium of mime." The last straw for me came when Sue slagged off our Kelly Brook twice, for having big breasts and not being able to present.

At least she's two up on you then, Sue. Jealousy is a word that springs to mind at least she won't be down the dole queue next year. NIVERSE (Mon, Ch 4 9:00) promises to be episode an interesting looked at Earth programme. in relation The with first the rest of the Universe and how the Big Bang is still making the galaxy expand even now. However, it's the next few episodes which look even better for me.

Time travel and parallel dimensions are going to be explored, as are wormholes (the black hole variety, not my sexual preference). I'm praying they don't explore "where no man has boldly gone Sue Perkins' knickers should be stapled on just in case. OUR 7-DAY TV GUIDE BEGINS ON PAGE 37.