Manchester Evening News from Manchester, Greater Manchester, England • 33

Wednesday November a 19M 33 if- iilill! 4 -4 Why I hamsr milk heller than milk When the boss Taking on the masterminds Beeaase It's cheaper week-end and the ei waited in FOR CHILDREN birthday suit HUMOUR his TIAN3 LAND HUDDERSFIELD (Robson Books £595) contains invaluable tips on ballet for the very drunk how to tell the age of a dog from its barb and why starched underpants make your eyes water his Amniest book vet THE PENGUIN BOOK OF LIMERICKS compiled by Parrott (Penguin Poetry £495) contains 800 verses some old some new some distinctly blue all amusing AND FINALLY presented by newscaster Martyn Lewis (Century Paperbacks £395) is "a flection collection of tailpieces from News At Ten like the story of the burglar at a do-it-yourself shop alb frantically trying to escape but finding his way barred by 12 false doors all leading to a brick wall CAGEY BEE ly Jordan (Knight Books £125) A computer whizz-kid and his two pals fight to stop the masterminds behind a killer swarm of remote-controlled bees that is threatening national security And in COMPUTER MIND GAMES by the same author the trio enter the nightmare world of a terrifying video game Computer cranks of 10 and up will love them both PICK OF THE PICTURE BOOKS: DIRTY BEASTS hy Roald Dahl (Jonathan Cape £495) A collection of potty poems about odd animals by the master storyteller STORY by Jenny Koralek (Patrick Hardy £559) the magical tale THE BYTE of a girl a strange flying machine and a visit to The King of the Snow GRANPi John Rnrnii (Jonathan Cape the story of an inquisitive little girl and her grandfather and THE BREAKFAST by A A Milne (Methuen £495) a selection of poems which first appeared in 1924 For younger children A KISS ON THE NOSE by Tony Bradnun (Heine-mann £559) a series of rhymes about a lNPA by -ningham £495) DONALD McGILL was at one and the same time an upright Victorian gentleman and the king of the saucy postcards He called himself simply a seaside artist and certainly no traditional trip to the seaside has ever been complete without a sfy peep into world which was totally committed to the humour of the fat bum as 1 doscribd THE WORLD OF DONALD McGILL (Biandford Press £996) is an affectionate tribute to a man who occupied a unique place as the working favourite artist for so marry years Here is one of the many examples of his work day and ANIMAL NUMBERS by Francis Mosley (Patrick Hardy £495) a simple first counting book THE INDIAN STORYBOOK by Rani Singh (Heinemann £459) Eight well known tales of gods and kings from Indian folklore THE TOWER GAME (Hodder and Stoughton £395) is one of a series of adventure games based on Enid Famous Five stories Each book comes complete with dice and such aids as maps and secret codes to unravel a mystery The books can be read over and over again with a different storyline according to how you play the game A similar idea for older children but without accessories is THE LONE WOLF ADVENTURES BOOKS 1 AND 2 by Joe Dever and Gary Chalk (Hatchinson £795) a fantasy in whieP the reader takes on th deadly Darklords in the ultimate battle between good and evil Grmf fkittkjields of ft fivrhi osee 0880 8888 IT was the birthday and after work his attractive secretary whom he has always fan- cied on the quiet invited him back to her flat for a drink to celebrate Obviously she fancied him too he thought After a couple of drinks she said she had to slip into her bedroom for a few minutes td see to a few things and in a mad moment he took off his clothes and stood waiting for her return He was wearing nothing but his socks when his wife children friends and colleagues burst into the room carrying a large cake and singing Happy birthday to All right maybe it isn't true but the sort of story widely circulated as being gospel Now been collected by Paul Smith in THE BOOK OP NASTY LEGENDS (FaataawCol-Has £295) the folklore of today which always happens to a friend of a friend There are lots of the girl whose takeaway chicken a meal was delicious until she bit into something furry and the lady who put her cat into the microwave oven to dry and the cat exploded Paul Smith has also put together a hilarious collection of funnies in THE COMPLETE BOOK OF OFFICE MIS-PRACTICES (Kentledge and Kegan Paul £495) This is not so much folklore as photocopy-lore sheets of cartoons and jokes that circulate offices and factories rrougbout the country includes i useful foreign rases like the German or a police motorway patrol ear driver while windscreen wipers are das Flippenfloopen- muckschpreden Schticken The world of soccer has always been full of jokes and THE BOOK OF FOOTBALL QUOTATIONS by Peter Ball and Phil Shaw 8taaley Paul £495) is a collection of one-liners usually wasted on the bar-room air at boozy after-match inquests Len Shackleton the original clown prince of soccer had some of the best lines such as have been very unlucky with injuries this season the players keep getting better And another time heard of players selling dummies but this club keeps buying There are contributions from most of the big names including Shankly Docherty Allison and Ron Atkinson who once joked bloody tou At joking FINEST SWORDSMAN IN ALL FRANCE a phrase from so many swashbuckling films is a celebration of the cliche by Keith Miles (8pfeere Books £195) which draws on books films newspapers politics theatre and TV It includes sports reports with metaphors mixed as tightly as currants in a Christmas cake For instance brilliant buccaneer is back and ready to plunder John Francome scuppered for nearly three weeks by a crippling kick of fate sails into action again Mike Harding's latest book WHEN THE MAR Gold in his heart keeps heller over the get at It Press £495) which among other things tells us that Chinese cabbage is in and so are aubergines and capsicums do so adore mous-saka and while Brussels sprouts and beetroots are out side be infra dig TELEVISION: BE HIND THE SCENES by Peter Jones (Biandford Press £595) provides a behind-the-camera glimpse of programme making written by a veteran director From the world of radio Roy DESERT ISLAND LISTS (Hutchinson £495) is an amazing guide to every record chosen by every since the programme began in January 1942 (with Vic Oliver as guest) Among the choices: leader of the cricket rebels South African-born Tony Grieg who asked tor There')! Always Be An England Janet luxury choice a mink-lined hammock Hermione barrel of lipstick and Vera curling tongs Also from radio broadcaster Audrey Russell's autobiography A CERTAIN VOICE (Ross Anderson £895) full of chat and anecdotes from a presenter who has covered eight royal weddings and countless royal tours and state visits Keith MAcdonaiii NOW th 95 THE MANCHESTER MAN GREAT BATTLEFIELDS OFTHE WORLD John Macdonald Foreword by Genera! Sir John Hackett Introduction by Len Deighton Computer graphics recreate thirty of the most memorable conflicts of all time brilliant new concept' Len Deighton £1595 THE countless fans of the TV hit serial The A-Team should rush out and buy Mr AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY (W Allen £995) in which Mr the man with the gold not just around his neck but deep down in his describes his own literary style like this: not a Harvard graduate not a Fancy Dan not a proper speaking guy 1 just say it like it is and put it out not sure what he means but I for one am not arguing Incidentally this born-again Christian who travelled the welfare to faring well from the ghetto to getting informs us that his hairstyle is from Africa "from the Man-dinka warriors a proud THE BOOK OF RUNES Ralph Blum More fun than fortune telling or Tarot cards accessible as your best friend practical as a psychoanalyst the Viking runes are the oldest form of Western divination Try it for yourself great Magnus Magnusson £995 BOOKS FROM THE BOX Vidal Sassoon please note Channel more intel lectual brand of body talk THE LIVING BODY provides some stunning camera work revealing human anatomy as we have never seen it before A handsome colourful book based on the series by Karl Sabbagh Macdonald £1295) is an engrossing pictorial journey into the innermost reaches TV gardener Alan Titchmarsh has devised a tongue-in-cheek guide to one-upmanship in the garden or AVANT-GAR-DENING (Souvenir THE ILLUSTRATED VICTORIAN SONGBOOK DENT BOOKS FOB CHRISTMAS GIVING Compiled and present ed by Robin Hunter Hr Aline Waites Lavishly illustrated on every page With photograph-drawings songsheet covers and ephemera this book offers a magnificently wide -ranging feast of Victorian popular £1295 Illustrated through' GRAND HOTEL The GoMen Age afMart Hotels Architectural and Social Hfetury 1850 1950 Texts by David Vstkut and others 1 uout boot Uaptariot tt tot pmmm mi mmmic? of it pv hMeh o' umpt MM) America ani menrnmt to hnrvw: wm of tik Larvuhh riJsiM-atfC wilt owf -MIC tub colour amt Stack mi wh photognpln S2VM COOKBOCX MIRIAM Will MEET AGAIN Photograph of da9y life in Britain during World War Two Introduction by ROBOT LEE 'Wat- awaken aam aamaaries aw' she ae gpuratx it Um turn tn is wa reafiv It jptMtognfrtr: etad iW Uaaew mrrtxOm aptrtr fh tom- (Smamm Hrraiti S1695 The Observer Guide to BRITISH COOKERY Jane Grigson Jane Grigson is tremendously tremendously persuasive She has a gitt for the transmission of pleas The- first cookbook to combine iaturai health and international cuisine in 250 delicious recipes based on the latest medical evidence for healthy eating food that looks good tastes good and does you good1 ON SALE NOW £10 95 THf BRITISH CAVVLBV PHILIP WARNER iwmowi fmn Ihc Brits rin to bw 11 worn)" th work) iv iitMmr an uprtU- si NwM toMor of ito-w w- amt ant tto tattler wtakc iamnu: enjoymei 295 III by Mr Trif BOB- romant MtnchtUjr lt i iMaedmid MICHAEL JOSEPH Pnm MXHinOM M-vrfe wmmmm Wm -A -M.