The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on March 31, 1897 · Page 7
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 7

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, March 31, 1897
Page 7
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THE UMPMl DBS MOOW* AUSONA 10WA,WIMWttffiAy. MAR6H 31 "^ * " f'iF^K ft-.-...Mn« t friendship.—"! do not fee* t 1 have a true Mad Iti the "So you have been trying to * " •nth Tribune. om . ,, '<ffce best type of matt thftt Woniafl is the beiti&" "Yes." "And , opts mad because the first baby 3 cLuua **f****•, >j| ,4 ijoSr.''—Chicago Record. Bad —"Kitty's little brother away her fiew beau." "What 'the little rascal do?" "He told the his slsfief always took a flat- od •WltH ber."—Chicago Red. t * After Her.—Captain of American DtoBhlp: Which course did that Cu- fK,Juster take? Mate:. Due south, Captain: Ckiod! HcSad the ship north We'll circumnavigate the globe and head her* ofl.-Phlladelphla North American, The Fish Liar.—"Ever try one of rubber Hairworms?" asked the "Only one," said the flsli liar. ?hey are no good. The flsh, after he finds how he has been taken in, dies If mortification before he can be taken out."—Indianapolis Journal. Too Considerate,—"If there's any- ihitf 01 dtaloike," said Mr. Dolau, "it's Superstition." "Who's got it?" uked his wife "Rofferty, tho conthractor. Ho owes me $13, an' he's thot shuper- Btitious ho won't pay me for fear Oi'll luck!"—Washington Star. OBNIUS. A newly designed hanger for tih&Ac. rollers is mr-ie of metal, In sections, slldably connected with each other, so that the holder will take any length, ot roller and th* curtain can be held outward from the 1vall any desired die- tan ce. . The combination ot a curtattt Tjole and bracket recetttly patented by d. ball to which two rods are fastened at right angles, the shorter rod ending fcn a wall bracket and the longer one Tunning to the other side of the window to hold the curtain. A new medicine tinier consists ot a tnetal frame to clasp a tumbler or neck of a bottle and ah upright portiorii holding a number of dial?, which cati be set at any desired tiro-*, also indicating the size of dose and lapse of time between doses. To keep a coat from wrinkling anil getting out of shape a new hanger is made of two spring wires crossed x- shaped, two upright wire bows connecting the ends ot the springs, tho shoulders of the coat resting on the bows to keep them in shape. WIT, HUMOf* ANtf ORIGINAL AND SELECT E&. What tto W«nt*«t — if»t«i trt f Steadied with tro'ltsr—tt«6 te** A Btodern j-fclrytiU*— A l?ts!«t tot Gram inftfr—A Kfe*ir tT»o fdfr i That Attfhl Veltmv *»<»• JIRAD the papers every day; that they contain; I'm hopeful that McKinlcy tnay Engage US iii a war with Spain; SOLID SHOTS. Love is a disease, and marriage la generally its best anti-toxin. Somehow the wittiest girl Isn't tho one a man picks ^out to marry. A man never knows surely that he Is In love-till he thinks that she isn't. Give until you feel it, and you will teel more like giving than you did before. , The world is full of blind Sampsons, [.who spend their lives grinding in a mill. It IB hard to believe that there is death in the sin that wears a mask ot gold. Tho most honest man in the world will lie about what he pays for his cigars. Some men would rather win a dollar on a wager than earn live at honest labor. Some men are in the best of spirits only when the best of spirits are in them. If the devil had to wear the same old coat every day, he would never leivo the pit. When doctors disagree it helps to swell the population of one or the other places. The man who Is too poor to lend his friends money, will never have many Hiemies.—The Southwest. A current water wheel recently patented is composed ol! two floats fast- sued together and holding a horizontal shaft, to which V-shaped buckets are attached in spiral lines, a portion of the buckets being always in position to receive the water. An apparatus to operate torpodoes for the blowing up of ships recently patented consists of a trolley line running on the river or ocean bed, on which a torpedo is fastened, sliding along on the wire until it strikes the bottom of the vessel. For use in catching mail bags a new device has a lever running down on the side of the car truck to engage a block which is only in position when a mail pouch is hung on the discharging arms, the lover throwing the catcher into position ou the car. To prevent extravagant use of gas by turning it on full force a new tip is hollowed out on the under side to a hold a ball and spring, a thermostat being placed just inside the tip to raise the ball and decrease tho gas pressure :is the burner becomes heated. The use of pneumatic pressure to run a bicycle has recently been patented, the pedals being mounted on levers to compress the air, which is stored in two drums surrounding the hack axle and runs through pipes to two air motors attached to the hub o£ the rear wheel. of C u b a n s „. slain— The awful things that Weylcf clUl: But yet one thins given »e a • 1 wish they'd gag the Yellow Kid. I never have a word to say, Concerning critics, that's vr° fa » < ;' When they assort my favorite pw> Is Ifiuxpresslbly inane; My politics I swallow plain— Of all opinions I nm rid; I am docile quite, but still maintain I. wish they'd f?as the Yellow Kid! Is It true that there art BO. it'fl the many deaths this winter? ; ijb6tftr^"r should 'toy' 1 t stomach nil sciire-hflatl display That tolls oC Seeley's raising Cain, t.'m very glad, indeed, to pay, Tho huiiflTy poor to entertain; The Bnulloy-Mnrtln's free champmjnc t wouldn't drink If I were bid; I'm docile—but I say again, r wish they'd (jug the Yellow Kid! ENVOY. Prince. I do fear my burdened bra n Will quite give way If we're not ria Of this I'ool fad—I'll go Insane: I wish they'd gag the Yellow Kid! Koolud Her Onco. Anyway. A little, timid looking man drifted into a tavern on Fleet street. He threw a shilling down. "Mild and bitter, please," he said to the barmaid. The beer was served. Just as he was about to drink it a big man came in M/UUIUI^^ * O1AVJU»V» WW.T ~— • most successful season I've had for yearns.,"—l/o.Monde ComlqUe. THE STAGE. Neil Burgess will make an extended English tour in "The County Fair," beginning Easter Monday. 4 Bernard Shaw's new play, written for the Hayroarket Theater, London, is called "Ybu NoA-er' Ctfn 1 Tell." Lotta Crabtree Is spending the winter in Washington. She says she has no idea of over returning to the stage. Julia Marlowe has a new play of Scottish theme and romantic character. It is called "For Bonnie Prince Charlie." Nowise Inferior. Algy—She has accepted Freddie Numb- skull/Cbolly? Cholly (sadly)-Yes. Am I not just as Kood ns Freddy Numbskull, Algy? Algy (warmly)-You tire, bah Jovel He's nothing hut a conceited ass I St* t HE BAY, ever 1,006,060 cat skins are tisfd 'ef 9 yeftf in the fur trade. Th6 Maine feear is fast becomlfig n tradition. There is talk of ftbolisnihg the $5 bounty o* bear. A Philadelphia woman haa sued hor heartless fiuaband for divorce because he has forbidden her to eat pie. A pearl that was afterward sold to a iewele* for $75 was found Hi the gtr.fcaf A of a turkey Id. London.recently. Bangkok, the capital of Siam, is a floating city, containing tO.OOO houses, each of which floats on a raft of bamboo. The South Carolina legislature has rejected a bill to permit the running of trains on Sunday with perishable freight, • Aifte"ib'tte ar"o abundant, out in tlie Garden City neighborhood, Kansas, and sportsmen have given the nimble jack rabbit a rest. It is estimated that the cost ot vessels now being built at lake shipyards Is close to $3,000,000, as compared with $9,000,000 a year ago. Herr Gustav Elm, the Czech politician, writer and party leader, died rather atmuenly in Florence while making a tour for the benefit, of his health, It is announced from St. Petersburg that, the Emperor Francis Joseph will return the czar's visit on April 27. The. emperor will be accompanied by Count Goluchowskl. The gold yield of Western Australia for the year 1896 amounted to 281,265 ounces, being an increase of 49,753 ounces as compared with that of tho previous year. fountain shaving brusfiefc, teservotr for liquid softj? of watef f just out. M Soft rubber tubes afc mounted the sides of the bridge of cyegTaSSBS *» cease the pressure on the n«3«. A new bicycle boat has the geared to the pedals and the bars turn tho rudder for steeflflg» A new adjustable car ttatf ** out for position for use of ba «k the car by turning a lever ott the car ttlatforni. MARCH ANtJ A w» the Yw»f in Hi* ftrt*U<» Jttthe sou til they ave tho and most agreeable, Tlio shrubs put forth thmt- bttds ers: cftl-ly. vutftf tables sr~' rcadv foi'oatluff, and nt scorns to have awftkf' winter sleep. The Lot; -- ville Railroad Oomyaiiy reaches ...Garden Spots of the| «outti, artd_ will on the first anil third 'J-«<!Sdayfl of Vff March and April BcnirouiHl-trip' tickets J to nil principal points tit '•!'«»«»««•* ' '-* 1 * Alabama, and \VoBt Floridn, at, ttbottt half rates. Wvite for advertising mat* tor and particulars of excursions to v. P. Atmorc, GeiicH'iil PnssentjCi- Atfctit, Louisville. Ky., ov Gco. U. Homer, T>. '. A., St. Louis, Mo. ^^^ Who's ordering the and said: "Hello, Shorty! drinks?" "I am," replied Shorty, with dignity. "You!" scoffed the big man; "why, you never had one copper to rub against another. Your wife takes all your wages." "That's all right," said Shorty. "Mayhe she does, but I've got money today." "How did you get it?" Whcro Ho Got It. "I've given up the idea of trying to break Willie ot using coarse Bhing." "Can't you keep him oil' the streets? "Yes, Unit's easy enough, but I can c icoephun from reading Sum Jones's sermons." J607 «US. POTATOKS TEK ACIIK. Don't believe It, nor did the editoi until ho saw Salzer's great farm seed catalogue. It's wonderful what an array of facts and figures and new things and big yields and great testimonials it contains. Send This Not.l«o »«<! 1O Cents Stamps to John A. Salzer Seed Co., La Crosse, Wis., for catalogue and 12 rare farm HTATTC OP OHIO CITY OF TOLEDO, STA1E01 0 « OU NrY ss. . Frank J. Cheney, makes oath that he W and every case ~~ -Vu'lv" u "r- cured by the use °| Hallit, C lyRAJNjx J. '-'j*•>-•' "--. Sworn to before me and subscribed in my presence, this 8th d.ay of December, ' A< ' SeaO' A. W. GM5ASON. ,v?. eal ''. Rotary Public. Cure Is taken - ~' "' Burfaees of the system m ° nl K.''j. ft CHBNEY & CO., Toledo, O. I^W^Sl'plh^ Uie beat. Wroiijy Gness. Mr. Beechwood-If lhad all the money at all.. I'd spend it again. __ Success Assured Then Marie-Did you hear the latest shocking news about EtheU She is actually going on the music hall stage. , * „-«. i,«i Estello-Indeed? She's bound to get hei Eiiglish lord some way or other, isn t Suro to Bo KncmicH. "Aren't you afraid your husband will be fascinated by that pretty widow ««t SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT. Misers have lived in hovels. Rich men have lived in dugouts. Poor men have lived in mansions. Men of shoddy have lived in palaces. By the house we live in so may wo not'he judged, but so will we almost I always be reckoned. Many a clerk on his little pay is dressed better than his employer, but he is no less a valuable clerk for that The beautiful office may be a don of swindlers, but It ts more likely to be the business home of profitable business. It is an idle and though '.ess Legislature which docs not rise in these daya and take a crack at the handiest trust, ust for lack.—New Haven Palladium. Mr. Dyer-Where is the bargain counter? The Floor-Walker-There are several. What are you looking for." "I'm looking for my wife. — Life. Several days ago 700 people took part in a wolf drive near Atchison, m and, after covering five square lies', rounded up 200 jack rabbits, but not a single wolf. telling you. I had a couple of bad teeth and she gimme enough to get "em pulled." "Didn't you get 'em pulled?" "Yes; but I got something extra for gas, and this is the gas."—Judy. J-IOW tlul you get, JLJ VYJO., iui v,oi.u.<-.t,"" ..— — 'Well," said Shorty, "I don't mind seed samples, worth $10, to get a sian. i he likes a garden, and she keeps chiekeps,'^ _ __ X Modern Fairy Tale. A party of vegetarians, while taking a walk in the fields, were attacked by a bullock, which chased them furiously out of his pasture. "That's your gratitude, is it, you thankless beast?" exclaimed one of the party, panting with fright. "After l;his I'll eat beef three times a day!"— Tit Bits. Meddled with Water.' Dobson—What became of that man who had twenty-seven medals for saving people, from drowning? . Dockmaii—He fell in one day when he had them all on, and the weight of 'em sunk him. w.n. At the ago of 7 months James .Marley of N^BrnS^ylek, N. J.,wel l? hs three pounds At birth James tipped tho scales ivt one and we-half pounds. Coitghlnc Lc»ds to CoiiKMmptlon. Kemp's balsam will stop the cough at once. Goto your druggist to-day and get a sample bottle free. Large bottles 25 und 50 cents. Go at onecs delays ar« dangerous. IOWA 001,1) MINK COUK. Fire dried, high test, big yielcler and low freights from La Crosse. If you order at once we will sell it to Tbu. with bag, 90c.; 2 bu., $1.05; 5 bu., $4.00; 10 bu., $7.50. Is your pasture poor? Then sow Salzer's Renovating Clover Grass Mixture ait once on the pool- spots. Price, 25 Ibs.. if.2.90; 100 Ibs., American Wonder Potato-yielding 1000 bu. per aero in Iowa—we sell at $1.75 a bbl.; 3 table., $5.00. Got your neighbors to order with you. .Cut this notice out and send it to The John A. Salzer Seed Co., 1^™; Wis.. with your order to-day. Big f ai m seed catalogue, 6c. postage. wn. llulllery. "What makesFHmmor continually «rum- Short of Wind. '] thought him n perfect picture of n winner." "Ami yel', whou CHIO considers the result, it is uviihmt tlmt he lacked utnjosphel'o. 1 LIUIO'S l?iunlly itf««llclu» Moves the bowels <'titjh day. In order to be healthy, this is necessary, Acts gently on Ibo liver ant) kidneys. Cures sick'headache. P rioojMi and 50c. Statistics show thai, women, marry latat in life than they usoil to. GREAT deal of nonsense has been •written—and believed, about blood purifiers. What purifies the blood? «» « *• "He is railing at fate." lt \Vhv?'* "He got caught inJh^eol_rall slump." •Don't ToUncco Spit ami Smoko Vour lire Away. Tomtit tobacco easily and forever, be nmg- netic full of life, nerve und vigor, tuko fto- , the wondor-workertliatinakoB weak ionK. All drugiriatB, 50oor»l. Curo rneu BLIOUK. •"•« *- 11 i»s~* ni -"» •"*" ~- *-- - Kuarauteed. Booklet and sample iree; mld.- Sterliug Kemedy Co., Chicago or New York. O^r WO people n^ombledu^ar Atkin^ou not a in the Soldiers' Memorial Hall at Vt. For lung and chest, diseases, Hso's Cure IB the best, medicine we^ have '^od.-Mis. J. Jj« AND THEY ALONE. If diseased, however, they cannot, and the blood continually becomes more impure. Every drop of blood in the body goes through the kidneys, the sewers of the system, every three minutes, night and day, while lite endures. The telephone which extends over the lonpest route i« that between Barton aud St. Louis, a diHtauce ol^OQ miles. Mra. AVIiisloWK SJootlnug nmtlou iillnys puiu, ouvea wind colic. 2 The Faults and JH'oMios <'f nog Kat First Neighbor—That's a very dainty •Jog of yours. 1 threw him some cold sausage this morning and he wouldn't touch them. Second Neighbor—What do you take him for—a cannibal? Ambassador Uay was craduated at Brown uuiversity, and was of the class of '68, No fits seen. "STAB TOBACCO." As you chew tobacco for plcnsuro use Star It is not only Vho l;esi liut tlio most lasting, ana, therefore, the cheiigOBt. 4. clergymlvulii tho west of EnKlnud ro- coutty prayed "that the B pnrk of uraco might be watered with the dew o£ ingsfroniou high," To Cure Tnko Ciuscurcts A purveyoToTchietiKo cult reluotaatly admfteWt the title "windy city" m true to life. Constipation Fornv«r. Candy ()ath»rt-l«. lOoor-jc. HW rcfiimUnonoy. ir puts the kidneys in perfect health, and nature docs the rest. The heavy, dragged out f celing, the bilious attacks, headaches, nervous unrest, fickle appetite, all caused by poisoned blood, will disappear when the kidneys properly perform their functions. . , , ./. There is no doubt about Ous. Thousands have so testified. The theory is right, the cure Is right and health follows as a natural sequence^ Be self-convinced through personal proof. \ W. N. U. Des JWoines. No.' 14.—» 8 97«, TO CUBE A COLD IN ONE _ Tn.iin Tjii vntlvB Bromo Quinine TftWets, A». Druggist $rt$A the mouov lUitoUs to cure, tK The cleanest city in the world is Cannes,. France, All tbe street sweeping JM doue l>> u brigade of women. No-To-Bac for Fifty Cents, GimrBnteea vobacoo htiblt cure, makes wouU men •troug, blood imro. .Mto, W. All druggists, A medical ]ournn'» c"*,»r,, — would cat Tnore onions she wouiu. fewer visits-trom the doctor." '^SfSSt^SSS^A BHSS5&. Btom.oU Bltw.bem^ »; from becoining chj-pulc. ^ Compai-li'tr K«teu. "How's ImsmosB," asked one street fakir. "Not very brisk, 1 ; replied the other. mode to keep time There ttroB.888 different Uindsof velocipedes. We make way for the man who boldly pushes past us—'Bovee. Coe'm touKh JBu:«am I» the oldcnt and bent: It will break up a cold ^milckei tbftii anj-thliig clBe._lU»_Blwuy»^ellttble. liy It. The prizesTut a progresKt ve euchre party in Atkinsou, Kausas. WM^aUjJlbles. T5,lu<!«te Your MowolT\VltH C««o»retg, Canily Cathartic, -cure constipation forever. Wo. ft O. C. C. fall, druggists rotund pioney. The doctor saiil to stay in doors To put my cold to rout. But Hince he nont his bill to mo I'm fifty dollars out. WOMA.N T S~STBlJGaiS. All women work. Some in the homes. ' . «.' Some in church, and some m the whirl of society. Many in the stores and shops, and tens of thousands are on the never-ceas- in<" treadmill earning their daily food. All are subject to the same physical laws; allsvif- 1., For Headache. Backache. Toothache; For - -- "- e. Toothache; For p«ln« | Rheumatic. "-:-T==: Lumbagic ; For all -z=rr. --- — ACHES AND PAINS ST. JACOBS OIL, THE GRKAT CURE, THE SURE CURE, THE CURB ADC ROUND First Tramp—"I t'inli doy could make dero model lodgin' houses putty ue if they tried," Second Tvamp; "Not while dey in- ists on givin r yer a bath." First Tramp—"Well, s'posin' dey wus-. o give yer ether ov chloryform an' hen put yer in the bath?" A Kow PUG for C'oiiKi'fsiiHU'ii. Isaacs, Senior—PP . you know der congressman frow dis district? Isaacs, Juniov—Vot do you vaut niit him? Isaacs, Senior-r-,1 it' ve couW get hip to seud ou4 our circulars mit 5 congressional fvftuk? "The weather is very trying for Bveryb.P-4y," e»Hl the nhysician. "Yes " yepUed M>'- l^eelrtpn, "I don't see how iny wife is goiftg to hear up under it. When the sun doesn't shine it gives her the hlues, and when it does ?he says It's fading tho carpet." fer alike from the same physical disturbances; there is Baker's Chocolate j sr~^* MADE BY ! Walter Baker & Co. Ltd., Established in 17 SO, at Dorchester, Massi Has the well-known Yellow Label on the front of every package, and the trade-mark, ^'La Belle Chocolatiere," on the back. NONE OTHER GENUINE. Walter Baker & Co, Ltd,, Dorchester, Moss, '* YOUR RULING PLANET DISCOVERED By Astrology ,ri lea whose «vwply'wl«b tho tollu»'lntr™» u ,'» ul ;°> ul ;."" 1 "-• •••--. oi-iiitlouftUty. plait, 5««v, moulli. il»to nnU UIH« «rt HALUS Vegetable Sicilian Will restore gray hair to its youth* ful color and beauty-will thicken the growth of the h?ir«-*\vi|l pr«' vent baldness, euro dandruff, sn«j all scalp diseases. A iine dressing. The best hair restorer made, B, £, Pall & 00., Prows., NusUua, N, goia by «H Druggists. 'd ''tf serious derawge- mcnt in the woiab. ky&a u'Veg^tftblo C!ompovinc\" is the micWowi. AWiow ...... PROF, 6, W. CUNNINGHAM, of First Pttto hag had triplets, (sb§Wt-fla|nded}y)-r tho twit no more eru&h ypu. Backache g-4o\v»," w isWw 0* '"3 its 7 hoyrovs wTu M|j \y^(j -p. PBIVWI \Yw»^twr ME! * i »•'& ;?i ana ,r ••,

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