The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on March 25, 1896 · Page 6
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 6

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Algona, Iowa
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Wednesday, March 25, 1896
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Page 6
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v° ',? '„',.? r *3*> >! - . ALGONA, WBTOffiBDAY HABOg. the fool*. fifaht Snh! Keep still! :* Bon f t tell It Bill, Ah' we'll have a pile o£ xtsat tt'ld a dollar* bill— fiat's *hat We will, It's just dead easy done! We'll drop 'er down In de road, near town, Wid a string on, fine and strong; Ah' behind de gate We'll hide, an' wait Fer de fools ter come along! Ar. 1 when—gee whiz! Bey sees what 'tis, Dey'il try ter swipe it cool. An' den, by Jing, We'll pull de string An' holler April Fool! But the fun was dry, Not a soul came by To reward their patient wait: And the fools, they say, Who were fooled that day Were the fools behind the e-to. —James Courtney Challis. OATCAKE'S APRIL 1. FARMER oatcake had come to town ^ on a load of hay. • . After exchanging J it for the market v price he proceeded IrVO/ to see the " sj ehts," ni^iy like farmers some- s' ~J times will. He had cfcs — & 1 ' not proceeded far before his attention was attracted by a huge box on top of which was a board sign, which read as follows: LOOK OUT FOR THE BEAR. Of course Mr. Oatcake could not resist the temptation of taking a squint at bruin, so he ambled up to the box jather nervously and peeped through [the bars that had been nailed [across the top to keep Mr. Bear safe. Finding that the box was ientirely empty Mr. Oatcake be- ,gan to scratch his head. How had the [bear got out? Then someone yelled .April fool. Mr. Oatcake allowed that It was a good one. Later in the day Mr. Oatcake took in the dime museum. He Interviewed the fat girl, talked populism with the bearded lady, visited the chamber of horrors, and had enjoyed himself generally when he saw the following sign: SEE THE GREAT RED BAT. Draw Back the Curtain. He drew back the curtain. Then he saw a big red brick and turned a double somersault In his haste to get away. He hadn't counted on being April- fooled twice in one day. After leaving the museum Mr. Oatcake thought he would take a drink or two, and at once proceeded to a convenient liquor dispensary. "I'll take a Tieer," he said, putting a nickel on the bar; "been April-fooled twice and have concluded to drown my feelings." He wfis just the individual that the bartender with the decoy beer glass was looking for. It was produced in short order; and Mr. Oatcake showed himself to be rather an adept at the art of blow- Ing off the foam. Then he expanded his capacious maw, preparatory to taking a gulp, But it wouldn't gulp worth a cent ft was only an artificially colored glass jwith'real foam. Farmer Oatcake concluded that he had better hitch up and start home. Nearing a railway grade icrossing within the city limits he saw a man frantically waving a red flag and telling him to stop. "No yer don't, yer gol darned flannel- mouthed eon-of-a-gun; I've been fooled three times already," and he plied the whip with effect. In another Instant Mr. Oatcake and his outfit were taking a. ride on the cowcatcher of the engine, ! TURNED A DQUBLj! SOMERSET. , fortwoatejy he was not badly hurt, but the approach of April 1 always causes to shudder. ' r Wfey fftS '<J»t9ri WPfe 1*0$ Tbere, ' &» American n,ayaj p$cer, bathe i£ a CeyjQft river. a sked 9. to gbow jjjm g pjacg where BO ampere. The native toeb epjoyefl We <jip; whUe drying tf *e 8Sfe»0. te Wlf "We why w ftillptare ia tfeat THE THREE MISS BROWNS. Their Wonderful Present and. What Came of It. Bang! bang! went tie door bell. It rang fearfully. "Betty," said the boarding-house mistress, "go out and see who that giant is that is trying to break the door bell." The door bell jingled and rattled and rang! Betty tripped downstairs at-d opened the door. A district messenger, three feet high, stood on the doorstep, smoking a powerful cigarette. Now and again a cloud of smoke hid him from view. The small messenger held his cigarette lightly and gracefully in the air and said: "Here's a box for Miss Brown. There is 25 cents due on it." Betty paid the money and took the box. Then he shot down the steps like a meteor .and actually ran to a cigar store on ihe corner after another package of cigarettes. "Miss Brown!" called Betty from the hallway, "here is a box for you!" Three pretty young ladies answered the call, for it happened there were three Miss Browns in the boardinghouse. "Which Miss Brown?" asked each in chorus. "There is no first name," said Betty; "only Miss Brown." The three fair Miss Browns looked at the box in a brown study. It was certainly meant for a Miss Brown in their boarding-house, for the number had been written in large numbers on the box lid. The Miss Browns agreed that they would open the box and if there was nothing in it to indicate which of them the ;box was intended for they wculd divide its contents. The three Miss Browns opened the box with gleeful faces and great expectations. There was nothing In it but a brick The day was April 1. A DREADFUL DAY. The Qnlok-Tomperod father ana ilia Darling- Little Hoy. The father had been out late the night before, "working on the books at the office," you know, and when he sat down to breakfast with his wife and Willie, rosy-cheeked, mischievous, and lovable Willie, their only child, he was not In good humor, He found fault because the coffee had cooled (while breakfast was wait- Ing for him), he grumbled because his eggs were too hard boiled, and he made his wife and child as miserable as he himself was. The climax of his ugliness was reached when for some fancied sin on Willie's part he rushed the boy into the parlor and gave him a sound thrashing. When breakfast was resumed it was eaten in silence except for the child's half-choked sobs. The father was sorry for what he had done. He had a nervous temperament. He 4id not stop to smoke his usual morqing pipe, but hurried away, AS he reached the door Willie came up to him with upturned face and said: "Willie wants to kiss papa. Willie loves papa." The father's heart was touche4 and he regretted his actions. Riding downtown in the train he read }n his morning paper of the death of a jinj e boy by being run over while ;at play b'y a passing trucK. He imagined the scene, and it was impressed upon his mind. Then his mind ran on with strange im* aginings. What if his boy should be killed. What If when he arrived home at night Willie should be dead—dead before he coulcj tell als boy bow much he loved bim, and how sorry be was for bis oruej conduct. Of course there was not one oha^ce lp a million of bis Josjljg h,| S ch,il4; bur) tfeen! there was. )!»$$ ^ ph.ajyje.' The ' I4sa epon,developed IntQg pj-eeenUmer that bauated. him. all ..flay, He. per , form,e4 We Duties in a, mechanical man- ae/, while picturing a wWte casket, i Right be bad worked himself into & . rjb|9 jpfptel ftpn^SJoj}/: HJJ left the it train and walk AT) ]gjyj. Wffll6 «in not playing in front of tn§ httttse as usual. The father missed the ttsnai kiss and "Hello, papa! I'm glad ydU've come." He ascended the steps. He eaw white crape on the door bell, tie reeled ftnd gasped tor breath, and saw nothing but mist Then recovering himself, he opened the door, and with moist eyes entered the house. What was It he sawt Was it Willie! ires, it was his little eon who merrily shouted: "April Fool, papa; April Fobl!" And papa didfl't do a thing to Willie.—S. it tego* la New York World. SHE DID It. What tt* W«* Sent For, Though *<** What Ho Expected. He Was young and enthusiastic, and he loved her to distraction, "If I could but serve you," he said to the Object of his adoration, "I would indeed be the happiest of mortals. Command me." And the damsel blushed and said she would. "Stay here a moment and I will give you a note to take to a friend. You wil! bring back a package," and she smiled, oh! so sweetly, as she glided from the room. She returned in a few moments and handed him the precious message. Away he flew. Distance was e no object to him. He reached his destination. The letter was opened and returned with the remark that the package he was to fetch was at another remote part of the town. He flew there, only to be referred to the sergeant of police, at the nearest station. The sergeant read the message and directed him to another official, who in his turn sent the young man four miles out of the city. But the elusive package was not to be found. One sent him to Brooklyn, another to Jersey City, until at length, weary, footsore and unable to go further, he sank upon a doorstep and tearing open the missive read these wordr: "Send the fool further." The dawn of April 2 was breaking,— New York Journal. A Good One on BIr. Blank. The best April-fool joke'of recent times was played on a Chicago commission merchant a few years ago. Chicago commission merchants are not always good natured and Mr. Blank was no exception to the rule! In fact, he was unusually gruff, and was never known to take a joke, as such. That is probably the reason that he was a favorite mark for the practical joker. On March 31 one of his friends caused tho following ad to appear in the columns of a Chicago paper the following morning: Wanted—Fifty Maltese cats at once. Highest prices paid. Bring them along. Blank, Commission Merchant, —S. Water street. When Mr. Blank arrived at his store he was surprised to see a line of boys in front of his store each with a cat under his arm. When he learned what it was all about he became a veritable madman. It was many weeks before he recovered his composure. April Fools' Day In Africa* Missionary—Did you notice which way my colleague went? Cannibal—He just passed down flvo minutes ago. Folly am I; This is my day. ! The old, the young, The grave, the gay, Abide awhile with me to cheer The world's dull, humdrum way. The richest man, The proudest girl; , —* _-'. The polished wit, ' — The heavy churl Are caught off guard and jostled mucS In folly's merry whirl. No harm is meant; | All's but for fun; And when the day Its course has run, : Whoever's done .tlie mischief ga7 Have all themselves been "done." A .Future Convenience. Piggies had been working hard for a long time with a refractory heating apparatus. He came out of the basement with blue fingers and a red nose, and an expression of repressed emotion on bis face, "Maria," be said,, "there's one com' fort about it," "What |s it?" "We needn't worry about ice next summer, I think I have struck a plan that's entirely reliable, If we want to get anything good and cold we'll take It 4°wn and put it into that heating apparatus. Only we must be careful not to leave it too long, or it'll freeze." o Get 4t. "J suppose tb&t |t W9U }d take ft greaj fleal 0$ ptyjerygtiPB ajja experience. enable a roes to. picfe the fastest tered fQ? 6 race/ 1 ebe-FTO ''Yes,* 1 replied the man ef " ' to, ypu want If tp, COKHBGL NOTES OF SCIENCE ANt> INDUStBV* Some froWefe* tot ttotoe A«*a»*«i*nt Recording th* HeaH*» Stdt*men«—A *•**• fc*ndle-Bar tot Wheels—thoto- 5 i-rely the most In tricate and wonder fnl little instfu metts applied In the science of tied icine is the sphyg m o g t- a p h. Th mechanism of thi tiny machine is s( minute that It 1 somewhat difficul to convey a compre hensive idea of It by means of a written .description. The accompanying illus tration, however, will assist the reader in building an ideal sphygmograph in the mind's eye, and the study of it wil afford a little exercise and consequen development of the faculty through which we gain most of our knowledgi —perception. The sphygmograph is an instrumen used to measure and record the action of the heart, using the pulse as its key In other and plainer language, i sketches on paper, by means of a very fine point, in irregular up and down zigzag strokes, every beat and move ment of that great little blood-pump the heart. The utility and Importance of such an instrument is readily understood when we remember that the heart's action manifests itself through the pulse. The heart acts and the pulse exhibits the action, or rather the manner of the action. This action is perceptible to the touch when we "feel the pulse," manifesting itself by different degrees o Intensity in the pulse beat. Thus i stronge heart produces a strong, firm swell or wave In the pulse, and vice versa. The office of the sphygmograph is to indicate the degree of intensity and regularity of the heart beat, which performance is accomplished as follows The Instrument is attached to the wrist by means of a silk band, thus holding a sensitive disc, fastened to the band in juxtaposition with the pulse artery The pulsations, acting on this disc move a pointed marker, held by an ar mature, up, down, and across the sur face of a slip of paper which Is kep moving by means of a delicate median ism within the instrument In this man ner the irregular tracings are produce< and make an accurate stenographic rec ord, as it were, of the heart movements in health and disease, excitement anr depression. This written language o the heart is therefore a message con taining a detailed description of the status of our physique in general ant heart In particular. Now Ilan<lle-IJar. So keen is the interest in bicycles anc so anxious Is each manufacturer to fur nish his machine with devices not found in other wheels that new Inventions are looked upon as a matter of course. Thi recent bicycle show at Madison' Squan Garden revealed many valuable im provements in the wheels for '96 ove. those of the preceding years, .and ii seemed difficult for a close observer to suggest anything In the way of attachments or alterations that would add desirably to the bicycle's equipment, A contrivance not exhibited at the bi cycle show and which wheelmen who have used it consider exceedingly useful is a handle bar that may be qulcb ly regulated to any one of three post tions without the use of a wrench. In material and general appearance 'it 1 not unlike many other handle bars. I is designed to fit any machine, and, lik other handle bars, It may be raised or lowered in the steering head. Its prin cipal advantage lies in the readlnes* with wliich the handles may be tilted up or down while the machine Is going at full speed. By drawing back with tho hands two small metallic pegs, locatec beneath the center of the handle bar it; position may be changed in a moment's time, While doing this the hands rest upon the bar, insuring perfect contro of the wheel. When a rider becomes tired of scorching and wishes relief from bis cramped and unnatural position, this arrangement enables him to graduate the pitch of his handles so as to sit perfectly erect or incline to a neutral posture A. scorcher's handle bar is often extremely welcome to wheelmen who utterly ignore 9corehing, or "wildcat" cycling For instance, the work of hill climbing is lessened very greatly by the use of low handles, as the rider by pulling up on them can put much more weight on the pedals, And by this new handle bar the change from cue position to another may be made po easily that wheelmen loolc upon th e indention with, U n com , moa faypr, »»wu». Another advantage O j this device is thftt but a peppua |s required to swing the few around BO t«at It m»y rest "J V j»- w »*b• «* «« MKMMt the frame of the machine, enabling one to round eproen or p«w through nwrow wUhwUftnger P| the Klo bw oUDg with oe W by objeoj ii tSJJ itaMt »!«> fceepe the (root Xeei (JJ2 Bf vbra the maowwte h£ «urr M. With the haaaies in this be marine th» wan df Itt rufinlfig sidewise of backward ftnd felling ovif. . Kot the least important advantage oi this handle bar Is that it may be Instantly i-emovcd clear of the machine without the use of either screwdriver Of wrench. With the bar detached th8 *heel may be safely left outside, for, thus disabled, it will offer very little temptation to thieves.— N. t. Sun. Medicine and surgery are likely to be completely revolutionized toy the new discoveries in photography. By means of this discovery the bones, muscles and Internal organs of the body can be photographed with the utmost clearness. In one case the photograph showed the skeleton of a living man, in another a bullet was located, the case having puzzled surgeons for a long time. The light by means of Which these photographs are taken is said to be made up of heat rays. It not only penetrates flesh and tissue, but wood and metal. The field opened by this discovery is practically limitless. Obscure diseases are accurately delineated before the eyes of the medical man. All of the processes of life are laid open before the scientist, the chemical changes of food can be studied and maladies which have hitherto baffled tho skill of the best doctors can be investigated at pleasure. Within the last two years the statement was made that the last decade of this century would witness discoveries before which all others would fade into insignificance, Surely this new idea in photography amply fulfills the prediction, even though progress stopped here for the next ten years. Fottlne on Slate Koofi. One objection to the use of slate for roofing has been the impossibility of removing it without breaking after once it was laid. The trouble is done away with by a new Idea. The opening In tlw slate is cut in the form of a keyhole, the larger part below. The nail is driven in and the slate is hooked on by passing the nallhead through the larger part of the opening, the slate then slides down so that the narrow portion rests on the nail. It is said to be impossible to displace the slate by any ordinary storm of wind, and the work of removal is naturally easy and without danger of breakage. Sour §tofnach, sdmetirhes Mlled Watef arid burning paifSj.;'distress, n, dyspepsia, arc ciirM\by Mood's! pafillft. This it accomplishes be with its wonderful power as & purifier, Hood's Sarsaparilla |,. IM tones and strengthens tlic stomdchiSI digestive organs, invigorates the lite? I creates an appetite, gives tefreshfort sleep, and raises the health tone. U cases of dyspepsia and ilidigestiofi k| seems to have " a hiagic touch.'* "for ove* 12 years I suffered from log Stomach with severe pains across my should^ and great distress. 1 had violent nans* which would leave me very weak anal faint, difficult to get iny breath. fheM spells came of tetter and more Severe. \\ did not receive any lasting benefit Iron] physicians, but found such happy eflecU 1 from a trial of Hood's Sarsaparilla, that 11 took several bottles and mean to always] keep it in the house. I am now able to do all my own work, which for six yearn I have been unable to do. My husband ai;d son have also been greatly bene. filed by Hood's Sarsaparilla — for pains In'I the back, and after the grip. I gladly recommend this grand blood medicine, 11 ! MRS. PETER BCBBY, Leominster, Mass. Sarsaparilla Is the One True Blood Purifier. All druggists. $L I u Ai rlOOU S cnre a " Sick Headache, ascents, take the law in your own hands,* ladies, when you ask for ' A Model of the Earth. Four French scientists have made a wonderful model of the earth. It is a sphere, forty-two feet in diameter, and has painted upon its outside all details of the earth's geography. At Paris, where the pigmy world is being exhibited, an iron and glass dome has been erected over the globe. The building is eight-sided and is well provided with elevators and stairways, which make It an easy task for the visitor to, examine "all parts of the world." The globe weighs eighteen tons but is so nicely balanced that It can easily be rotated by a small hand-wheel. The entire surface area is 525 feet A Novel Use of the Phonograph. In the west a novel use of the phonograph has been made to guard against accidents to machinery. It has been found that when machinery is running properly the noise it makes has a regular rhythm and if anything goes wrong there Is a change noticeable to an expert. Trouble with the machinery in a plant among thn mountains of California has been diagnosed by recording the racket made in a phonograph and sending it to New York, where an engineer listening to it was able to tell precisely where the trouble lay. Bias Velveteen Skirt Binding and don't get it. Sentence such a store to the loss of your trade and Bfive it to merchants who are willing to sell what you demand. Look for " S. H. & M.," on (he Label, \ and take no other. If your dealer will not supply you will. Send for samples, showing labels and mater !c the S. H. & M. Co., P. O. Box 659, New York Cit iriili. SPECIAL OFFER Made to secure 500,000 DtfCC ^ Choice _______ _ rRbo- Seeds sure to jsrrow'and blossom I fl nf o Note .. ___ Postpaidfor ...... IU CIS. the > vnrletiss:— Pansy 60eolors,Pblor20rari«ties.Knk« ISfinest shades. Petunia 12 latest colors. Balsam 10 grnnc sorts. Poppy 10 elegnnt «hades 5 Misnon- ette,sweet,7ery fragrant, and EverbloonnngSwe«t JifoYKlmbnrk, Evnnston. 111., writes : "It is • pleaaurn to plant Buckbee'a Seeds— they always grow*" E&'Add three cents extra to cover postage and receive Now Instructive asd Beautiful Bead and Plant Book. . Rockford Seed Farms, ROCKFORD.ILL. Amusement with 'Eggs, Let us tell you how you may have a little fun. Puncture the shell of a raw egg with a pin, and through the holg thus made extract the contents. When the shell has became thoroughly dry pour fine sand into the pin-hole until the egg is about one-fourth filled. Then seal up the hole with white wax, and your imitation egg will be as natural in appearance as a real one. The next time boiled eggs are served at breakfast, substitute your sand egg for the one that you take from the dish and tell your companions that you are going to make the egg obey your slightest wish, You may make it stand on tho edge of a knife or on the rim of a glass, no matter whether you put it sideways or endways. The only precaution necessary is to tap tho egg gently every time you d* sire to place it in any position, so as to make the sand settle at the bottom and the weight of the sand will keep SMOKING TOBACCO, 2 oz. for 5 Cents. f ;CUT-SLASH! ? CHEROOTS-3 for 5 Cents, f f Give a Good, Mellow, Healthy, f • Pleasant Smoke, Try Them. LYON & CO. TOBACCO WORKS, Durban, I. 0. T Trade-Mirk, A Horse Worth Having, is a Horse Worth Saving,; With j- —— — —. — — T A • vw* vubcv J ut* *.iH is to be batifor the asking, Price 81.50, Smaller size We. . cists, or sent by mall. i CQ.^ §12 A DAY TO SALESMEN WANTED BRIGHT SALESMEN to introduce * . ' , eroutest, itioiit famous book,' "THE EARTH CURDLED." ^"^Pir*^**- to to 1liiB r«v«i:li n ^"»?A?« ueiuium euporstit oils, stain raSIuAV 01 "' •W<"' | i ! L' : sl pliptogrttphsofpuriow rqaSr 8 - i u *f- CM> ^ *«**' " r ex l"* f ' enK 'i^W.l^^Jll'is'rated^frcnlixrl/re? 1 Beautck. FOUNTAIN '$YRINQB&' Best nm»Wy Lh»«l rul robber wl tube*. Li JJ?t:.»«>J>*tt»r wadeT-8_« at,, SI,10 WILL MACHINERY .>.:*'•

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