Pittsburgh Post-Gazette from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania • Page 19

Art Buchwald The Search For Carter fpfinhfv' WASHINGTON The New York Times is in the process of searching for the Loch Ness monster. It has underwritten a scientific expedition with underwater TV cameras, sonar equipment and other monster gear heretofore TIIIRSDAY, Jl'LY 8, 1976 Our Towne '44 VS. Vr1- 4 I mil i i if" tliWlm mvM i WH ---1- it I. -j 1 Russian superstar Olga Korbul no when she was informed by the International Olympic to Olympic competition, every female athlete undergoes Committee that she had been certified as a female. Prior a SPV test to get her required certificate.

Dope and Sex at the Olympics Sometimes Girls Will Be Boys By Joe Browne Fresh Heir I'M NOT SURE how I'd decide this case if I were a judge or King Solomon or someone like that. It's about a lot of moncv and an old woman and some relatives and a sharp witted guy. And I'm going to have to cloud it a little because I'm not sure it's settled yet. Anyway, this woman wasn't always old. Her parents died when she was a teen-ager and she had no brothers or sisters and her life was all hard work.

she opened a tiny store where she am everytning. Her whole life the latter part, anyway was spent in that little store and the small room where she lived. Work, work, work. No relatives ever visited her and she never got a Christmas card or birthday greetings. And, while she was nice enough, she really didn't have any friends.

Now, as happens, she actually had plenty of money but she never spent a cent on herself. I don't think she knew how. She had squirreled everything away and some stocks she had bought had grown in value but she lived like a pauper. She was in her early 80s when a middle-aged bachelor learned about her money close to a half million. Well, whether it was the money or what, the bachelor started to pay a lot of attention to the old woman.

And she responded. It was probably the first time in her adult life that anyone showed any warmth toward her. He took her to dinners and to shows and sent her presents and opened up a whole new world to her. He persuaded her to buy a limousine and hire a chauffeur and go on cruises and enjoy a lot of things money can make possible. Of course, he worked on her to make out a will and name him as sole heir.

And when she died about two years after he came into her life he was sitting pretty. Ah, but when the news about all her money came out, relatives showed up from just about everywhere. They accused the bachelor of taking advantage of a poor old woman and there were lawsuits and lawyers all over the place. To this day, I don't know who ended up with the old woman's money. I don't want to encourage any fortune hunters but I'll say this for the bachelor.

He made the last two years of the old woman's life her happiest, even if he did have an angle. That's more than can be said for the relatives. Lucky Catcher Dave Zoroya, 13, caught four foul balls during a recent Pirates-Cubs game. He was with his dad Ronald at the time. And he got three other foul balls in earlier games.

I've never even caught one foul ball at a game! Warm Warning Mrs. Sara Kirlin saw two little kids sweltering in a parked car while their mother shopped. She's a bit upset about it. "Cars can become very hot and down South I met a woman whose two children had burned to death in a car when it accidentally caught fire." Take the kids with you. It's safer that way.

One Way B.H. Burke sends along an ad from an Ohio newspaper in which a businessman announced his reaction to a big telephone rate increase. "Rather than increase my prices to compensate for the big increase, I have taken out my business phone. Please come to the shop." That's direct action. Towne Topics Hospital Judge Samuel Weiss in Montefiore, Michelle Hunter in Central Medical Pavillion and Charles Episcopo in Allegheny General Dr.

M. II. Kenner marked his 50th year as a dentist yesterday Mr. and Mrs. Charles Ames scored a grand slam at the Pittsburgh Rose Society show, winning four awards Sister Colette Schmidt just marked her 50th year as a nun Thirty-nine happy years for Mr.

and Mrs. Albert Scripko, 37 for Mr. and Mrs. James Semple, 34 for Mr. and Mrs.

Robert Schmitz, 25 for Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Stunja and 25 for Mr. and Mrs. Joseph Mastracci Birthday best to Chris Wilhelm, Diane Murawski, Betty Jane Beatty, Lillian Shine, O.J.

Jedlick and William (Hon) Boone Nice kid Mike Wuerthele. By WILLIAM and MARY MORRIS Dear Mr. and Mrs. Morris: Tne secretary who was embarrassed because she used the wrong word in transcribing her boss's dictation would have a field dar transcribing the loiters my boss dictates. In addition to chewing gum and clearing his throat into the recorder, his grammar is atrocious.

For example, he always says "between you and He will say "The annual membership is $50 tor one year His phrases modify the wrong nnuns. so that if one took his letter literally, one would place a two-ton truck in an envelope and mail it to us. rather than information regarding the driver of the truck. Then he criticizes my putting a comma after a data when the vear is omitted! Behind every successful man. there is a woman.

And I strongly suspect that woman is his secretary! J. Milwaukee unknown to man. lar iney haven't found himherit, but if they do, it could be the story of the year well, almost. There is another search going on right now by almost everyone to find the real Jimmy Carter. Unlike the Loch Ness monster, Jimmy Carter has not only been seen, but Buchwald photographed.

Scientists who have studied the photographs say he probably comes from the South, and his jaw and teeth indicate his main source of food has been peanuts and Democratic presidential candidates. One anthropologist told me, "We know he smiles a lot, but we have no idea what is behind the smile. It's hard to believe we have so much information, and yet we know so little bout him." Another scientist said, "If we could only figure out what was going on in his brain I think we could find out what kind of animal he is. but we can't tell from pictures or television. We'd have to capture him and study him closely in a cage, and I don't think the public would go for that." I said, "Jimmy Carter has been showing up everywhere.

He's been sighted in 48 of the 50 states. Is it possible that there are more than one of him?" "We don't think so," the scientist replied. "We believe the sightings have all been of the same thing, but nobody can make head or tail of it. A few years ago no one knew a Jimmy Carter existed. But suddenly he showed up out of nowhere.

It could be a new species of a presidential candidate, or an old species that just looks different. "The question is why did he surface now and how has he managed to capture the imagination of the American people?" "Perhaps the people are getting tired of the same old species of President and are looking for something new. Maybe they see in Jimmy Carter something that isn't there." "We scientists can't deal in hypothesis," he replied. "We have to stick with what we know. We know he chewed up all the other presidential candidates.

We found their bones in almost every state where there was a primary. We also know that the only place he avoids is Washington, DC. If we can find out what it is in Washington, D.C., that keeps him away, we might unlock the mystery." "IS HE DANGEROUS?" "The Republicans think he is. They're scared silly of him, after what he did to his own kind in the primaries. The Republicans thought the South was safe, but now with Jimmy Carter roaming around they're afraid to go near the place." "How does he protect himself?" "With his teeth.

Whenever he gets hungry he just opens his mouth and chops off whatever is standing in his way. Then he smiles as if nothing happened." "What about his skin?" "It's very tough. Anyone who has tried to get under it has been sorry he tried. A year ago the regular Democrats tried to stop him with every machine they had. But now everyone, including those who run the machines, is eating out of his hand.

They don't understand it themselves, but they're going along with it, because they don't have a choice." "Do you think you can get a closer look at him and find out more about him?" "Well, he's going on display at the Democratic Circus in Madison Square Garden next week, and we've got a special team stationed there to make a new study to observe him, and find out if there is anything we overlooked. But we're not optimistic. He may remain a mystery until he gets to the White House." "The White House. But that's in Washington, DC." "We know that. But that seems to be where he's trying to get to now.

If he gets there the mystery of who or what a Jimmy Carter is may finally be solved." Sydney Harris Thoughts At Large WHAT WE want determines what we want to know; and more knowledge does not improve us, because it remains subservient to our will and our appetites. Man begins by generating a symbol to represent reality-and then clings (often fatally) to the symbol long after the reality has changed, corrupted or disappeared. It's odd how people keep referring to someone successful in money matters as having "the Midas touch," when the whole point of that fable was the Midas touch doomed its possessor to sterility and death. Psychological voyeurs into the conduct of others need to be reminded of Dag Hammarsk-jold's tart remark: "It is more important to be aware of the ground for your own behavior than to understand the motives of another." The difference between minds is that most of them, when stretched, snap back resolutely like rubber bands to their former dimensions. One of the paradoxes of the aging process is that days and nights may be long, but the years grow increasingly short.

If held long enough, privileges are considered to be "rights," and the rights of other people to partake of our privileges are seen as infringement on our rights. If people carefully read the warnings and contra-indications of most of the medications they take, they would promptly throw 90 per cent of them into the dust bin. nO 4 DAyS ONLV: 4 doubt was pleased n't always visible), endocrinologic sex (appearance of the thyroid, adrenal gland, pancreas, ovaries, testes), genetic sex, chromosome sex, psychological sex, and social sex. So, now prior to Olympic competition every female athlete undergoes a sex test to get her required certificate. For 99 per cent of the women the test is simple: a tongue depressor is used to scrape cells from the lining inside the mouth (the so-called Buccal Smear Test).

Under a microscope, the nucleus of a female cell has tiny bulges (Barr Bodies). If they are there then the certificate is signed. However, few or no Barr Bodies mean further investigation: the cell must be strained and using a fluroscope the chromosomes are read like a map. searching for XX (female) and XY (male) roadsigns. If this is still foggy, a thorough exam by a gynecologist is mandated.

WITH ALL THIS detailed evidence, the IOC Medical Commission still faces two decisions, explained a doctor who's attended the past five Olympiads. "A female who seems to be XY. and has male genitals, or has a heavy beard and male-levels of plasma testosterone, is automatically disqualified. "But a woman who seems to be XY and even has testicles, but no further male characteristics, may simply be an example of testicular feminization, and probably won't be disqualified. It depends rather too much on what the examining physician had for breakfast." America's IOCMC member, Dr.

Daniel Hanley, confirmed that prognosis: "If an experienced crew collects the cells. If highly trained technicians stain and scrutinize those cells. And if an excellent gynecologist examines the girl-why, then, they'll be able to tell you what any near-sighted college boy could, from a block away!" At the '68 Olympics in Mexico, so the true tale goes, a 56-year-old grandmother who'd had a mastectomy six months before, was to compete. When she was told to report for her sex test, she bemusedly looked wide-eyed at the examining doctor, and said, "If I fail, do my grandchildren have to call me Mexico's IOCMC member. Dr.

Eduardo Hay, has pointed out that due to "anatomical differences" women are at a 10 per cent to 18 per cent disadvantage in track events (yet, at least in the 110-meter hurdles women are faster than men); in field events the men have a more than 20 per cent advantage. In swimming the men have an over-all 10 per cent advantage (in the 400-meter freestyle the gap should be 24 seconds, but it's only 19 Yet because women athletes are determined to catch up in one way or another, their self-induced pressure may be greater than that on the men and for identical personal, national, social and financial reasons. Why, then excepting controversial cases such as Canada's Joan Wenzel and the Soviet Union's Galina Kulakova don't women abuse drugs anywhere near as much as do men? "I don't know." admits an IOC Medical Commission member, "It's amazing, because in everyday life women probably use more medicine than do men. For some unknown reason women don't use stimulants to try to improve their performance." For onre totally stymied, he shook his head, adding, "Because regardless of women's lib and all that ERA (Equal Rights Amendment to the U. S.

Constitution) talk, this is still a man's world!" Fourth of five articles By LOU GOMOLAK Special to tti Post Gazette IN THE LAST FOUR YEARS the number of high school boys playing sports increased 11 per cent, reports the 1975 Sports Participation Survey conducted by the National Federation of State High Schools Association. During that same four years, girls playing competition sports nearly quadrupled. The good news depending on your viewpointis also one of the growing problems in Olympic competition. Dr. Ernst Jockl, director of the University of Kentucky's Exercise Research Laboratory, told Medical World News magazine just before the Munich Olympics "the 285 (male) athletes who participated in the 1896 Games came from a pool of 40.000 to 50.000 competitors.

The more than 7.000 Olympians descending on Bavaria will be the best of a pool of some 400 million." The nearly 12,000 athletes at the Montreal 76 Olympics come from a pool of possibly 700 million, and so the problem grows the competition is indeed fierce for a spot on any nations' Olympic team. One further example of the pressure on male athletes: Olympic boxing cial Ronald Schwartz recently told The New York Times that the Soviet Union has 385,000 registered "amateur" boxers, all aiming for one of the few Soviet Olympic berths. International Olympic Committee Medical Commission member Dr. Daniel Hanley, from the United States, explained what all the above means: "About the same time that the men began dying like flies from drug abuse, several 'female' athletes were exposed as males." The record is sporatic and purposely vague; the IOC, in horror, for years applied heavy pressure to avoid any scandal that might tarnish the Olympic image. BUT IN 1934, a Polish "woman" who'd set a world record, turned out to be a man in disguise.

At Der Fuhrer's Olympics in 1936, Germany's Dora Ratjen won a gold medal in the high jump-in 1955 "Dora" was living in Hamburg, only his real name was Hermann. She-he claimed to have been forced to compete as a transvestite. After the war, in 1946, two French track and field medalists in women's events subsequently declared themselves men. This caused the IOC to require all Olympic female athletes' genitalia to be examined prior to competing. The North Korean record-holder in the women's distance 4OO-and-800-meter races-was, in fact, a man.

The Rumanian women's world-record high jumper, and gold medalist in the event at the '60 and '64 Olympiads, Iolanda Balas, was as late as 1972, the vortex of a whirlpool of controversy regarding her femininity. Sex testing is, at the least, aggravating. But as one American female athlete, known for her seemingly insatiable heterosexual appetite, growled: "If you want to compete in the Olympics, you put up with their damned test!" Just as unhappy are the IOC Medical Commission physicians: "We are in real danger of turning into a 'Medical Sex testing! How far, in God's name, are we going to go? Will the IOC designate XX' and 'XY' 400-meter races? Maybe we'll have male, female, and hermaphrodite classes?" Yes, quiet little Olga Korbut and for that matter out-spoken Olga Connelly-ris a woman: the IOC has, godlike, certified her a female. The problem, say medical experts, is not as simple as it might seem. There are nine medical characteristics that determine a person's sex: external genitals, internal reproductive organs, structure of the gonads (they are Associated Press Photo ESPECIALLY WHEN it comes to funding women's athletics.

Just a few shots in the darkness of apathy: '76 Winter Olympics' figure skating gold medalist Dorothy Hamill spent some $15,000 a year practicing to earn that medal no wonder she recently signed a pro contract; despite its winning four consecutive Women's National Indoor Track championships and being rated one of possibly two top clubs in the USA, the New York City-based Atoms Track Club can get no AAU or USOC funding the Atoms are not only good, but young, black, and especially female; such hardship horror stories are in endless supply; even college-level scholarships are faint ghosts of the men's amounts the most recently announced was by Boston University, $135,000 during four years. The key to young female athletes' startling stick-to-itiveness is the near-frenetic culling that occurs in girls' competitive athletics, and the psychological characteristics of those females who attain collegiate, regional, national or world class rating. In their book "Birth to Maturity," Jerome Kagan and Howard Moss point out that where young male athletes will continue striving despite the apparent possibility of failure; young female athletes will be more likely to withdraw. Those who persevere are the Darwinian breed. This fear which San Jose State University sports psychologist Dr.

Bruce Ogilvie has found causes injuries in college and pro football players causes women to drop out of competitive athletics early on, get married early, avoid promotions, avoid going after success. Fear of success in females, Dr. Matina Horner told the recent 129th Annual Meeting of the American Psychiatric Association, does not resemble the "will to fail." Success fear, she says, is born of root conflicts between a woman's desire to succeed and her questioning the feminity of that desire, as seen through the reversed binoculars of accepted social values and long-held stereotypes. Neither neurotic nor genetically produced, Dr. Horner sees the conflict as "a realistic appraisal of the social and personal costs for example, loneliness -which women often must pay for success." For top women athletes there is no deep-rooted conflict.

Motivational researcher JoAnn Rector studied such athletes and found they see themselves as more than ordinarily success oriented, as more dominant than most females, as more aggressive, and endowed with more psychological endurance. INTERVIEWS WITH varsity-level female athletes unveiled that they see themselves undoubtedly determined to do well, confident in their ability to do what they want to achieve, deeply motivated and specific-goal centered. Rector's evaluation: such amateur athletes are, indeed, shrewd, calculating, ambitious, energetic, and strong-willed individualists. In other words, characteristics identical to two other types of profit-motivated human beings-corporate executives, and professional athletes. Were such female athletes either West or East European, or in the Soviet Union, heroic social acclamation and financial rewards would unquestioningly follow medalist performance at the Olympics.

Not, yet, however, in America. But more than a few of the USA's Olympic-class females are ready to bolt the amateur corral. "After '76, a lot of American athletes are going to join the pro (track and field) tour." top mile-runner Mary Liquori recently predicted "They're just waiting for the Olympics to be over." Tomorrow: Time bomb in Montreal: Dope control is defective. Saturday nrn A Vr asonly goodras Wednesday, Thursday, Friday 1.