The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on May 23, 1894 · Page 5
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 5

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, May 23, 1894
Page 5
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"- •"",'*' '' • V ,"N O .''' r ,- '''',"u "'< »' ' '' '>'' |r>v ' !; 'O'V V^i^',*' '''.K'V"Y"( ',.'"', '•'"jf* tv*v*54* v 'i v ^>v4.''.>*2**S', v" {$% > L ' 'J- ' ' V F\ ( < M t i,« ''l r * *l ' ' *"* * i- * * j" '* — > -• f /•£>> f.jw/j' J "Ls ' JJ " ^ '"*'' i ' V* ?r V 1 » 1^'Wt}^ „_„• ifefiek, 8Mddc!eftifig,swifl, the bliHdltH'stofni is 1 bh, iftd^swept btanehes writhe and ^...JLUC fehtfe" and tho roail nre #one;. .'•jeidt ft Itfndtnarft reftidtos 6h the yawhinjf infe; ' '• >e storm and the night are one, rgpre ire heedlcs of slept in Ihe i6y blast Thftt pushed itf?riln.<St fill pdhf i' zrhti-e ore choking billo'ws of snow, that east , . Theif eddying depths amain, And whirl with a cry through the falling ' That moves upon tho plali. fhe gtnck in huddled fenf The «flb/)iisod cattle Wait, Pron; out the stoi'm melt) shrill and clear, A horsy neighs for his mate, iwhile a man in the si of in with sturdy form Is battling with his fate. Alas! oil storm, for the days that dawn When thy secrets shall bo rend. 'Alasi for Hie nching hearts at hoinn, With their sieketiing weight of dread. Alas! for the one who will ;irt come / Till the snowd givo up (heir dead. i. — Georgia na Ilodgltins. JOBY PAID HIS FAEE, Tho sun hart set, but the lower edges of tho wild, stoi'iny-looMng clomld massed in tlie west Were still aglow with' vivid, crimsbii fii'c. In tiib enst the grey gloom of tho coining night was tnouutiiig up to the sky, nnd liere nnd thei'e a pale star already glimmered in ihe.dusUV A brisk wind, of what sail- •OfS call "a half gale," was blowing, an:l tho waters of the English Channel '.iron;'breaking In «hoi-t, angry waves -of deep green In tho hollows and snowy wSiite where tlie'.r crests, curled and spouted in hissing foam. Far oSf to tho southward a dim, bluish line, which •only the experienced eye of si seaman -could have recognized as land, marked ••the coast of France, while in the opposite quarter the chalky headlands of Biigland gleamed faintly in the fading . twilight. 1 The stout sliip Falcon, loaning gallantly to the wind, was milking her ."way down the channel, bound for America. The sails had been roofed, tho cables coiled, and everything made snug for the night. Capt. Essex, pleased, ns an old sailor always is •when his vessel is well away from the •danger's of tho land, paced to and fro •on his quarter-deck, gruffly humming :»i little song, the greater part of which was lost in tho thick, bushy board, ttiough -HOW and then you might have -caught some words, as "The sea is the place for me, my lads," or "A lively ship and a willing crew." Gapt. Essex's little song was Interrupted by sudden commotion in the forward part of the vessel. There was a sound of loud, angry talking, a hasty scuffling of foot, followed by the fright- «iied sobbing of a child. "Hallo!" •••exclaimed •• Capt. Essex, "•wlidt is the meaning of that row?" "A stowaway, sir;' answered one of the men from below. "A stowaway on my ship!" growled the captain. "Bring the rascal here! We'll give him a tasie of tho rope's end first, and then—but. what is that?" "The stowaway, sivy' was tho response, as two of the crew approai-hed, leading between them a very small and very ragged .boy. Tho anger in Uio captain's face gave jnlace to a lopk of astonishment, mingled with pity, as ,his eyes rested upon the shivering form of the intruder.' But he maintained tho sternness of his tone as he addressed tho boy. "Well," said bo, "wliat are you doing here?" "N—nothing, sir," -was the trembling reply. "Who are you, and where did you come from? Speak up, now! No nonsense!" "I'm Joby—.Tob Oliver, sir," said the .boy, between sobs, which he vainly endeavored to clioke "I live in London, by the docks, sir," "What are you doin;.,' huro, then?" "I—I hid away down below, and—and they found mo. I wasn't doing anything. I didn't mind. Tin not very bl£, and I don't weiph much." Ho broke clown \vlth a gasp, and pressed his small, grimy lists Into his streaming eyes. Thon, us the captain remained silent, but continued to g:izo at him with a tremendous frown, IIP made a brave effort to go on with liia story. "I haven't any mother Or father, you see, and I have to earn my own living. Everybody says, 'llo's too small. What is ho good for?' and they don't take pie; though. I am strong. I can lift a trunk—a little one. I can run errands, very fast; but everybody says, 'OU, he's too ragged anil too dirty,' If I could get jobs, you see, I could get me a new suit of clothes, nnd everybody don't want me, and--" here a fresh stum of sobs shook tho small frame. "But you haven't told mo yet what you ure doing ou board this shi,o!" said the caplain, preserving ills soypi'r ity with, an effort. "The ship was going to A nru-k-a," answered the boy. "Everybody is rich in America. Everybody wants you tliere, you see, Tom Dixv>y went there, and he makes a load-of money." "That's all very welt?' responded tho • captain; ''but people who go to Am ;riea. pay for their passage, and to hide away sp as to go without paying, is just tho same as stealing so mucli .money, pon't you know th.n t ?" Evidently the boy had never taken that view of the question. Ho looked iip .at the captain's stem faae with, a frightened «ud stfU'tled expression. Then he began a hurried search in the jjpcliets of his ragged jacket.. From one he tlvew forth two coppers, frojq another a silver sixpence, awl from ^ third a shilling, much battered, ch ! p- ped, and. defaced. These lie Uel4 out toward the captain. "This is all I've got now. I earned the sixpence aud the two pennies; the Khijling u gentleman gave me. It's broken, but it is good silver, all tlw same." "And what aw i to do with, these?'' gs&ad the captain. ''To pay my fare," replied the boy. »>It's 'most enough, I tiiinU. I will «nm tlie rest soon, wlipn I get ov«r there." go,o4 captaia could mnjirtain bis i * f tfoby* boy. You* ftre'aff ,w» after ail. .XoH.B. fl the-3^aic'(5B,.nM We' will 'mftJcS it ffl'ah of yolt liiW will ttmt suit yom"> , ifoby Was dellghlfttf, of course, Hi* SllilofS, who nfd .-wonderfully hnftfly «t tfllcli tiling devised ft suit of clothing fo? his* small body,* tto speedily b£» crime n m'ent favorite with the crew of the Fillcoiv proving himself to be active Hint intelligent, and, what Is fflf bettor .absolutely hotifst nnd truthful, captain Imd j»i i oM-n v.»ry fond of .iuo.vj.iiim ns fo? Joby—wcllf it was not long Before everybody on board knew what Joby thought of the inptnln, Thp Frtlcou, which was a sailing vessel, had tnet with heart winds constant* ly Binco leaving the Channel, and oil the fourth Week out was struck by n, ]herivv gdlo fro'Tt th n iihvfi*fi-*<tt-, A1\ day lonjf the good ship labored with the mountainous waves*, leaping uuJ plunging till it scented 'is though the. gi-oanSng, ct'tnxking masts must come out of hor. But shb was u stnnch, well-built craft, and had passed safely through many a worse tempest. With the fall of the niuht, the tfalo increased in violence. The sails had been reduced to the heavy lower canvas, just .sufficient to steady the vessel. Tho ea'ptaln remained on deck, taking a position near the rail, where ho could keep an oye on"'tlio rigging. Near him, sheltered by the bulwarks, sat little Joby, on a coil of rope. At first the noise and confusion, the thunder of the water, the shriek' of tho wind through tho cordage, and the wild pitching of the ship bad frlghton- od the boy. But when, by the light of a lantern near by, he saw tho captain's fade, he felt relieved, and rather enjoyed the excitement of tlie^storm. Suddenly, just as tho cnptiiin was shouting an order through his trumpet, a.vast billow:seemed to rise out of the gloom aud bear down upon the ship-. It struck the vessel's side with an awful roar, throwing tons of water on the deck. Before he could save him- s'e'lf, the captain was lifted from his fper and Hung ovorboarc] into the "sea. Almost at the same instant a small .3^11-0 was SUCH to leap upon the rail, cling there a moment, and thon leap outward into the darkness and disappear. "Man overboard!" The. terrible cry rang above the roar of the tempest. For a moment all .was panic and confusion. Thon, under the mate's command,-tho s'.ilp was rounded to, with her head to tho wiiid, and a boat ordered to bo lowered. •. "No use," said one of tho men to'tho mate, who stood by tlie rail near where the captain had fallen overboard, "we could never find them in the daylight, lot alonie such<a night as this." "I am afraid not." ansvvere-l tho mnto sadly. "Poor old man! Poor boy! Hark! what was that?" "Falcon, ahoy!" Tho shout came long and strong from the darkness, not twenty yards from where tlie ship lay. 'Tho captain!" cried a doy.en glad voices. •Belay your jaw there, yo lubbers'. Tall on that line and haul us aboard, or-we'll bo adrift." Lino! Us! What could be mean? But the mate had already discovered a curious thing—a light but'strong ropo, fastened to a ring in tlie bulwark aud extending outward into tho darkness, toward the spot wh-oiiP-o the captain's voice proceeded. It \v ..* drawn tight, as if somo heavy burden were towing at the end of it. In an instant sturdy arms were pulling at it with a will. Thou a stout ropo was lowered, and xip it like a monkey, scrambled Joby, 1'o.lowexl more slowly by Capt. Kssex. Thou a great cheer went .up, drowning tho of tho storm itself, as tho crow gathered about tlio dripping forms of the captain and his little fi-it-nd. A fow words served to explain what had happened. Joby, with his eyo on the captain, had soon him carried overboard. . lie know that one end of the coll of I'ght though strong ropo upon which he sat was secured to Mio bulwark, for ho lind tied the knot himself t'.iat very day. Without pausing to think of his own danger, ho took the free end of tlie ropo between his twth. and was In tho water nearly as soon us tho captain himself. Though ho coulrl swim like, a duc.k, he waa liorno helplessly tluug on the ' crest of tho waves almost Into the anus of Capt. Kssox, who caught him ns lie was sweeping by. Tlie captain fasleii- ed tlio line about both of their bodies; and partly swimming nnd psivlly towed by the ship, they had iiuinnged to keep their hearts nbovo the water until tlio Falcon was hove to. Tho storm blew itself out during the night, nnd tin- nr»vt morning rliiwm'd clear and c-nlin. All t;ho formtoon Joby was observed to bo very gti've an 1 silent, ns if IIP were pomlorin 1 ,' some important question. Finally lie presented hluftself before the captain ia tho e.-ibiu. "Well, my boy," wild tho captain, "what win I do for you?'' "A man's life Is worth a good deal of money, Isn't; it?" nuked Juby. twirling his e.iip nervously sis ho snokn. "Not U boy like mp. but a grown man " "Yes. of course, my hid." replied the captain. "A mini's life is supposed to bo Ihe most valuable, of hid possessions." "Woll. then." snlcl .Tony, twirling his cap fiUlV more nervously, ''they say I saved yom life lust night, I don't sny it was much, you si'e. Any tVl.otv who can swim could do the siuuu; only I happened to do II " "Yes. you ctulaiiily did It, Joby. An;l wliat'lhenV" "You see—von HOP," stammered Joby, "1—J thought that would p:(y for my psissnge; then It wouldn't be stealing, you know." Joby could not mnl?o out why tn« captain's honest eyes should suddenly grow moist, nor why the captain's right arm almost amiwswd the breath mut <it his sum 11 body; iior yet wJiy the cap- tum's voice should be so husky, as lie said"Joby. my 1-id. while oLl Tom JSssex's hulk holds together, and a s'ngle timber of him fluids, you sluill iie\vr w.uu Jvv u uiMrlli, of be without a lriei.d." '|->v«> nir^» >v«»li o«e stone. Funny— Yoy t.)ki>. f os>U'V wo s^ i-Iously. NiHljluj: lu> say's cu>n%.idoi-a ticui. Bui ho jiisiuu.itivl tlvvr 1 of tbo 4 DfiOORAttON DAV. Stdsp. coMMdos sleep afld rnst, On this Held of tho grounded w of«foe< no more molest, Nor sentf y u shot alarms) Ye hfive slept on the '•round beforo> And st irtod to your feet At tli cnnn m'« sudden Of ihe drum's redoubtla j beat. But In thtt camp of Donth IJo sound your slumber brottlcst Hiiro Is no fovero I breath, No wound tint blood J All IB repose rtnd pfiiioo, Untmmpled lle< thaso The s.iout< of battle effjuo— » It In the truce of Rest, comr.i<lo». Kit nnd aleoot Tho tho.i ht-( of mot* stiuil bi , A* Kijntine'.s to keup ' >-*i Your ro>t f romdamera 1 tirea Your sttent toots of ST09H> We duck with ft- ter.m't floworai / Yours hns Iho auBor'.h; bcotti 'i'ue momory as Ui bo ouri —Honi-y VVad.)'Lon2fdtlow. First Coiivpiniy. I have always, clnlm'eil that Ripley organized the first company for the' suppression of' the- rebellion. On April 13, 1-881, a- meeting 1 of tho-loyal citizens of Kiplov wns. convened- to give an expression 1 of their views in regard to the firing upon.Port Sumter, an.l while this meeting 1 was iirprogross the operator took from the wires-tho announcement that Fort Sumter-had surrenderor. This- announcement was brought to tho mooting by A\ B. Devore, who walked half-way up the aisle and rea:l the dispatch; The meeting adjourned, at 1 once-to 1 Armstrong's hall, for- the purpose-of organizing a military company and tendering ourselves to William*Dennison, governor of Ohio. The meeting was beUl at 7 p, m., ns per agreement. Captain Jacob Ammen had: not boon ttt the citizens' mooting; and' was noti- ; fled to be at tho evening meeting; that he would bo elected captain-of the company. A. S. Liggett, was tho first to sign the roll; tho writer-stood over him, and was the second, and the roll was soon filled. The eloction.of officers resulted:. Captain, Jacob- Ainmen; first lieutenant, A. E; Devore; second lieutenant, E.. M'. Carey: with A. M. Ridgoway as third lion- tenant. On the following day, April 14, Gap- tain Ammen started by- tho noon boat for Columbus to tender the company to the governor, reaching thare by- noon on the 15th, by which time.the- president had issued his call for-75,000> troops, and we were acceptjd. On his return a f .-w days were given' us to winding up our business before- go'n>T into camp. We finally turned' up at Gump Jackson-, Columbus; As we Were passing from the boat to. the- lirna'dway hotel for breakfast,'whoso guests we wore, a gentleman stepped alongside Captain Ammen and said:: "I will give you $400 if you will take your company home and give my company your place." Had the captain waited till the- 10th. inst. we should not have gotten- within the call and bsen left out in- the cold. That we wore not a part of' the 1st or 2d Ohio was no fault of ours, for we wore in Camp Jackson before e'th .• of those regimsnts waa organized. There is another matter that I am proud of as an Ohio man, and that is th's; That on April 33, 1831, Gen. Ca,r- rinyton, t'ie adjutant-general of Ohio, had all the compinies a low piece of ground, and from a high point made us a speech, and among other things said: "You may hoist of yoiir Empire state, or your Keystone state, which so fur exceed us in population, or the R;iy state, so renowned for hei: patriotism during the war of the Revolu-. tion, but to-day they s'nk in dispa'r- aTOinc-nt when compared with Ohio. It is just e'ght days to-.lay since the president called for 75,000 troops from all the states, of which Ohio's quota is 13,000; but to-day Ohio alone has 85,003 vo!unto3rs organized into companies and begging to go."—R. C. Haukiu, 7th Ohio Cav., in National Tribune, lha TM city; *«* -fait $ of IftdRss ftflitrlbalteci td the of a teialUdl Mg tdt the " fb:6y b6w it late , but; It status that it was la any lively' Rafters, na it was per* foot when Wattage? Fbfd borrowed M to drapes the presltteni** box da thg night of his aB8&asi<s*t{e», It la now growing yellow with »ga, but It ia preserved as one el tte 'nslScs of our civil revolution, OT a ttoilltttg testimonial of one of the usdotest acts evor perpetrated by ajfremsted toortat A riiifir Which 11 us « History, The At'anta Constitution says that as the stream of visitors pours into the treasury, not one in a hundred stops at the narrow room which, is the head-quarters of the captain of the watch, I had been through the buildm? fifty times be.'ora I saw the interior of that room. One day its keepar said to me; "Pid you ever see my fla-j?" , On being told that I had not, he took me ipto a plainly furbished, rootn whose only ornament is a silk Un'ted Ktutos flag, proUictsd ijja glassi frame. That waVlUo flag with which the president's bpjf was hung OQ tha night pf his murder by th» mad assassin. Booth shot fcinpoin from the rear and then k.ape4 on the stage to raak.3 hts sickeniuj proclamation of "Sic Semper Tyrannis." As he jumped from the bojj his spur caught in the flag and made a. rant of several inches, Pur.n? thj war General l*hil Cook, of uuorgia, pu-ahe I a brigade almost to the gatjas of \V vshiujtoa, and 3eq,d Ihe only Confed/rate force that ever fpught in th^e District of, Columb a. Jt was out at Fnizier's furm, oo the HultimQre and Ohio ruilroa I, and Ueneral Coo 1 * §ay^ tlj«t tho (lorn j of tbi cap'tol was \y vWW^ 1W W« WSfl Wi they On twit ted. A prominent Methodist' in New York fell into ft rauvfaistfetit mood tho other evening, and gttra a party of friends an entertaining- account of the way in which ho 1 succeeded in obtaining an interview With the secretary of war in the days- of tho rebwllioaj. Visitors to- Washington who lictvB experienced tho annoying- difficulties and delays generally encountered ill' reaching- tlie inner office of tt menvbeir of the 1 cabin-ot in fflheso piping- times of peace, can' imagine what such an attempt meant iw war times, when every cabinet) o-fftcei?- and particularly the secretary of'wannwasovorwlitolmed with work-sovem day* in tho week. "It was a; matter- of.' the most pressing- .necessity," said' tlia clergyman, "for uid to> go> to' tJio- .front of tho Union lines without a* llrour's delay. I reached 1 Washington- ini tBie morning-, andl sron Iteornedi that. 1 could not cross ^V |> l?btomac into> "Virginia tvith- out a. ^ .ss from.tlitv secretory of War. "Thinking-ritj.would :be-no> trwaole to get t)he passi B inquired^w-liGi-e' tho war department was? and! hurried) np to Seventeenth 1 street, whoro-it. wa» then located. About Sixteenth' street I no- ticodiailinB of meni on> the- sidewalk, and as L hurried 1 along- fount! that this lino extended xip Pennsylvania avenue, around!, the- corner of Seventeenth street, and down tho bloskc to-tbo-en- trance to-tho war depai-tmon*. "Mon in tho line told mo' they wera waiting- their turn- to see- Secretary Stantohi and somo of these-near' the head had' actually, hold; their places, twentysfour- hours.. I was also totd that. I must take-my placs-ate the-tail end of that long" line, anil perhaps I would roach tho- dopartmont.the-ne-xt day. "That would never do f6r-. me-,, and ns-.L walked slowly, clown the Hue I put ommy 'thinking cap' and tliougM outa'schcme to gebinto the secretary's. ofQco without any delay. Before-1 g-ot to tho-end of that line-I had.formed a plan of procedure.. "I.hurried down tho- avenue-uu-til I found) a stationery shop, where- I bought a package of foolscap paper and aicouplo Of largo, offlcial-loolcing- envelopes. Folding- 1 .-up-several sheets of the blank papar I filled each, of the envelopes vvithi them) sealed up- the envelopes, and borrowed the statdon- er's-ipen long enoughi to'address, each to.'the Honorable- Secretary of War, Washing-toni.I).. C.,? im big, bttick let- tors. "Then, with those- envelopes, in my hand, I went up to the war department. As sooni as I was. in> sig-ht of tho two soldiers, who- stood oa guard at the door I put-on the- most important air I could assuiuo-and walked so fast it.wis just short.'oflaTuni "As I reached the entrance- the soldiers dropped and crossed their muskets in front of tne, just as I had expected them to, but l! waved' the big- envelopeH at them and' cried out 'Important! Important!' and they stopped aside,, just as I had hoped they would. "Once inside the building- it was an easy matter to find the-secre'tary's office. I told Mr. Stantoni frankly how I had got into the- place and he laughed heartily as ho- made out the pass it was. so. important '1 should have." '' A \Vnr Story. "The closest shave I over heard of," remarked CJ. L. Mertoa, an ox-army officer, "was one I witnessed during- the lato war. It was. during- the heat of one of tho most fearful conflicts we had. Shot and shells were flying around us like hail and it was almost ^certain death for a man to pxposo his body from behind the fortifications where we were- stationed, The enemy was gaining' upon us. and it became evident that unless ; wo roceiva-l re- enforcements tho day would be lost. Our commanding- officer called for a volunteer to ride about seven miles to where another part of our regiment was stationed to notify thorn of our condition, "The errand was a most perilous one, but a young- private stopped from the ranks and said he would take the risk. He accordingly started out, mounted on tho general's horse, He had scarcely proceeded li dozen yards when a twenty-four-pound shell struck'the horse fairly }n the chest. The anftnal stood rigid for A moment jvud then disappeared. The shell h$d exploded in tho horse and blown it into a, thousand fragments, The most remarkable tiling about it was that the soldier was not hurt in the least. He was merely blown into the air and drenched with blood, coining; out pnly a fow scratches." ;; : ! Esci*i>9, • ' • "I served all through; the late pivil war," remarked Jonas Felt, pf N?v shua, N. it., "and I saw a good many narrow escapes from death. About tho closest shave to being- killed I ever faw wtis this: Ono day a sick soldisr was lying in a tent with his knapsack for a pillow. He was sup'posed to be out of harm's way, but a solid shojj came "flying thrqugli tlie air, struck the knapsack and carried it clean away. Tho only inconvenience to the invalid was the loss pf h,is • pilj,ow ftad, the sudden letting- down of his bead, SAVJNOS AN5 DOINCfS FUN MAKERS. id ft **iA* llttfr*t—tt* Si**'* lilt* by Onr iltmioftiiit* jt>, WHAT KINO & breakfast dlH a slightly shabby taking a seat front of ft f«sns hotel and address* fug- » cotumofieial "\Vof6tlay otttl eVW struck on ary whole rmttfa. Horrible* spread to dlsb up to a hungry v«an." "The oteaks wtmld' Ispw half-solaH a pnir of kip -boot*?" "You bc>t \Vhy, the ctoffe* wns &«< transparent 1 ! co-ul'd-see sartUples of the- cook's hair-rcttrled 'u^p! ill. the-bottom o$ the cup." "And yO«"could'n»yfc telli tWe differ- once betWeen'-the butter'attdUtoe sweet oil?" "No;, and the breads was-thw worst case of sour mash I «ver saw in my life." . And the baited ; potatoes* were warmed through and aB solid'as>» dor- nick?" "Yes, and they tried * t6>- ptt#na off three different dishes of-'yesterday's soup for a new species of- hush.?' •'And the roast looked like-a-place of chnrcoal?" "Bet your life! and -the batter,•cmfces were nothing less than raw doug-ht." "And tlie waiters were saucy -andlia- different?" "Yes, one of them picked 1 wp a'chaSr and offered to hit me if' I called for any more tea. I'd -like--to-see tl»e landlord of this ranch. I'd just like-to sec h m as a curiosity. Ho must be tile ornyist cuss in fourteen states-" "Well, I've been thinking 1 somo of rejuvenating- this establishment. for quite a while, and being- the landlord* I'm taking a quiet stroll in-and out among- the guests getting their views. I always like to strike a live kicker like yourself, because then I get in all the important testimony, for the prosecution, and know just where'to begini with my reconstruction. Just stop- here on your way back and you will find different arrangements.."—Texas Siftjjngs.. Tho Difference. "AVhich is the best, to owe," or to- have something owing you?" asked Col. Largerbeer of Gus •• De , Smith, the other day. "Why, to have something owing to you, of course, answered Gus, who is one of the brightest society youths in Hurle rn. "I don't agree with yon," said Lagerbeer. "Well, why not?" "If you owe something when you ore able to pay it, you have value received, anyhow; and if you never pay —why, then you are sure to make a handsome profit, but, if something is owing to you—for instance that 85 I loaned you .two years ago—the chances are you will never get a cent back." Why Brown Didn't Know HIm.i. Brown—1 can't lend you a-dollar. I don't know you. / Stranger—What, you don't know' me? Why, my name is continually in. the papers. Brown—May be so, but I nevera-ead the police reports. Educational Item. Visiting Friend—It must cost deal of money to be a student Student—It takes some money at first, but afterward you con live on credit. A Mistake. At Delmomco's in Thompson-1 street Guest—Look heah,. you black rascal, hcah's a piece of tortoiise shell comb in> iny beef stow. "Waiter—I beg yoah pardon, sir; the- cook's made a mistake and, given you terrapin instead of beef.. riiotojfrnplxlo Item' Photographei'—Kow. d'on'twinlf, Mr; Jones. Airs, Jones—Wink? 1 Just let we catch him winking 1 ! qp|i^y Ikfet By Col. Verger—What's the matter witl» you? Your ulo,thes are all torn and ypur face is all starred UR- Bam Joljnsipg-^NufiRB 1 , boss, nufltin' wuff speakin' of. I jus* had 4 little chat wid/roy fust and only lub, what I met for d& fust time since I married Svvaybac,k l^ucy. 4 Wlso MtHe K»tt(.-qu Littl& Dot -My kitten is hiolf and I have been trying ever so hard lo make her take some pnedicme, but slie won't; it, —Of course nqt, Cans never medicine \vJJtfn. they M?8 ffllfid? IfttfJ-RAftW; t» 'ffij,__ that hfs bins m attselll^ , ^ ttisi satfw Ciinilile'd 68' Mtyott? Sfflall Sdn "Y>tt dhtn't cfy?" - •" ', "No'ts. 1 thought s«na' .-i «•' — Wd yen tl *s|!6ri^l Ey«f las*— ladeed i "1-^ophetio?" 1 "Isfomtttfgrreatijrlllteto O"On9'Higbt I dreamed that 'the\* suddenly biased. iWth light 1 , tlte^t. eiis We»e'tllledt witfti a throngingtfdsl a trumpfetsotrndedv tfac deiid '"* "' tht?ir graves, twicl tliftfc a vb 'Something, tew-ibl* is < pen!"' "WellTf "Well, the-verynex* day our left. "—New Y-orit. Weakly. Young MedicnrstudtuVfte-his sweet-'j heart)—Do you know. Jnliiv, that th«r Jumnn heart is-equal to'tho- lifting of . 120 pounds every twentyfow hours? Julia. 1 '(demurely)--Well/ that's ju»U my weight 8nrn ; to-' Move • Tli'wmv Traveler—Deadlock* in. yovor stato , legislature,- eh?' Native—Yes:-; "Why don't ymrb'realctitW 1 "Wish we coulda" "N,othing is-eaiior;'.'" "How?" "Introddee a'ibTll i to* raise- salaries.*"' Tourtsb'(in Old nhoma)— Wihmk is tho popul ation > of .this-^towni?.' Alkalinlke (promptly) — Biiybt hundred and sixty-fcioven.'soiiils,. aiud thirty- ' one. Arrived Cumulate — I. don't, see- why peopla rave overithat'man as nm alter dinner speaker. I. naveiv heardi uuch silly twaddle. Cumlater— -Youi fo»g.eii is not after dinner.- • • "Ho has had. his.," "Yes, butAve-hava-not-had) o«rs." -i ,'1 -~ l; First Fri'shiom Lender-— Why not adopt tliis>-8ty,la?.', becoming- tO'both of us. i Second.Fashiom Loader. 1 —Yes,! it is becoming-to us,- but. Itidoe* not 'ynaka ather people-look, ugly enough. AHvny* Sfcnroe—Im Mle- Country. Mrs, Suburb^You.look tired out Mr. Subuiib-r-H am ( I have been searching for. tho-tann of. tliou.--ands of unemployed) tliuti tlio- papers talk about ' 'Do you i wdah- to>holp> tliiom?" "Yes. I.wantuiumui to<s!iovel snow, but.> it myhelt" 4 Illitliep Toph<,i»»T. Boy — That toy boat you sold me i»* no good! Dealer — Wh«vt'8-wiioiug with it? . Boy — It- won't stand* v»p, Flops right, over quick as. I put It in tho vf^^f,- Guess you. though^ I wanted it for (^ man.-of-wuu; i . Johuuio Pevvseadis— Can yon lend nw> t-wentw d,ol!ar»fOr n few days? AVeany ITviend— Why don't you pa»v» your waite-lv? "Because it is a keepsake fromi dear mather, and I don't like to. with ifc" "My uM)'»&y is a keepsake from dear f »t hen and i don't like t°i with, it, Cither." Jwdgc— ^liovv do you eiirn a Italian rrisoner — Me ruu>i* tubttcco, >k Yaw i-aise tobivcco?" "Yessn- Me raisa iin from Aiul Ve* He lecturer' (proudlv)— V 1 ' s, l ? ye delivered ope Ive hundred consecutive nigh.ts. Jones (sud'yj— That's, waning, wife has delivered one lecture tm B)ft without missing ft niguti iw over seven years, - _______ 4 Sqrs 9**n*Smith— 0»r friend, Pwaenberry i%^9§» ing his mind. Jones— \\ J»at Huvk»s vou thiolj so? "I t'a w him dro» a wtukel in, ^>ne ef thoso nickel' lu-tUe-.--)ot machines, aju$J ' he actually espevtecl it ^o worte.*'

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