The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on May 23, 1894 · Page 3
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 3

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, May 23, 1894
Page 3
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Ei.' fckr6ing BhfUk, 'And, the blifcttin 1 * Bt6f&( 18 o, . The wind*6wct>Lbfarich£s writhe atid curl, L.Thfe fphce and the fond nre go 2*ot a iHndttVarfr veffidihs oh the , •slflins, - v • • Andibe afofm ond the night are oh& _ rife heedlcs of elect in (he Icy blast Thfi,t pushes nRnln&t tilt pahi-; hti-e are choking billows of snow, that „. east , . , Their eddyintj depths etnatn, , , And whirl with a cry thrdtigh the falling i i*y • That moves upon tho hlnh, Asrinst the stnck In hiiflflled fear The tinhrttisecl cftltle Wait, From out the storm frtcki shrill and clcaf, A horsf. 1 neighs for his innti'. While a man in tho storm with sturdy form ' Is battling with his fate. Alas! oh storm, for the days that dawn When thy secrets shall be I'esld. Alasl for the neliinu hearts nt how, With their sickening weight of dread. Alas! for the one who will urt i-onie , Till tho snows give up their dead. I, — Georgiuna Ilodgkins. JOBY PAID HIS FAEE, ' tPho sun had set-, but the lower edges, of the wild i stoi'iny-looklnjr clouds massed fn tlie west were still aglow .with vivid, crimson fife, in the east ihe grey glooni of the coining night was mounting up to the sky, and here and "there !i pale star already glimmered In the dusk. A brisk wind, of what saii- •ors call "a half galo," was blowing, and tlio waters of the English Ghanuol were breaking in ehoi-t, angry waves •of deep greon in the hollows and snowy •wfcdte wlicro the'.r crests curled and spouted in hissing foam. Far oH to tho southward a dim, bluish line, which •only'tho experienced eye of si seaman •could have recognized as laud, marked tthc coast of France, while in the opposite quarter the 'chalky headlands of England gleamed faintly in the fading . twilight. .' The stout ship Falcon, loaning gallantly to the wind, was milking her /way down the channel, bound for America. The sails had been reefed, the cables coiled, and everything mado snug for tho night. Cap't. Essex, pleased, as an old sailor always is when his vessel is well away from tlie •dangers of the land, paced to and fro on his quarter-deck, gruffly humming « little song, the greater part of which was lost In tho thick, bushy bctird, though now and then you might liuvo •caught some words, as "The spa is tho place for me, my lads," or "A lively ship and a willing crew." Capt. Essex's little song was interrupted by sudden commotion in the forward part of tho vessel. There was n sound of loud, angry talking, a hasty scuffling of feet, followed by t'hc frightened sobbing of a child. "Hallo!" dxclalmed Capt. Essex, "wliiit is the meaning of that row?" "A stowaway, sir;' answered one of the men from below. "A stowaway on my ship!" growled ffiio captain. "Bring the rascal here! We'll give him a taste of tho rope's end first, and then—but. what is that?" "The stowaway, sivy 1 was tho response, as two of tho crow apj)ron?hed. leading between them a very small and very ragged .boy. The anger in the captain's face gave place to a logic of astonishment, mingled, with pity, as .his eyes rested upon tho shivering form of! the Intruder/ But he maintained tho sternness of his tone as he addressed tho boy. "Well," said he, "what arc you doing fcero?" "N—nothing, sir," was the trembling reply. "Who are you, and where did you «omo from? Speak up, now! No nonsense!" "I'm .Toby—Job Oliver, sir," said the .boy, between sobs, which ho vainly endeavored to choke down. "I live in London, by the docks, sir." "What are you doing hero, then?" "I—I hid away down below, tjnd—and they found me. I wasn't doing anything. I didn't mind. Tin not very big, and I don't woi;*h much." Ho broke down with a gasp, and pressed his small, grimy lists into his streaming eyes. Then, as the captain remained silent, but continued to gaze at him with a tremendous frown, hf made a bravo effort to go on with hla story. "I haven't any mother or father, you see, and I have to earn my own living. Everybody says, 'He's too small. What is ho good for?' and they don't take me; though I am strong. I can lift a trunk—a little one. I can run errands, very fast; but everybody says, 'Ol>, lie's too ragged and too dirty,' If I could get jobs, you see, I could get me a new suit of clothes, and everybody don't want me, and--" here a fresh s.torw of sobs shook the small frame. "But you haven't told mo yet what you ore doing on bouvcl this shiji!" so'.d the captain, preserving Ws swv- Jty with nn effort. "The ship was going to A noricn," answered the boy. "Everybody is rich la America. Everybody wants you there, you seo, Tom Dixv>y went there, and ho makes a loa.d"0f money," "That's all very well?' responded flip captnln; "but people who go to Am >ricn pay for tliejr passage, and 10 hide away so as to go without paying, is just the same as stealing so much money, Pon't you know that?" Evidently the boy had never taken that view of the question. He looked DP at the captain's stern faae with a frightened and startled expression, Then he began u hurried search in the pockets of his ragged jacket.. From one he drew forth two coppers, from another a silver sixpence, and from a^ thiyd. a shilliug, much battered, chipped, qnd defaced. These he held out toward the gaptain. "This is all i'vu got now. I earned the sixpence and the two pqnpies; the {shilling H gentleman gave me. It's iH-uJien, but it is good silver, all tho same." "And what am I to do with these?'' asked the captain. "To pay my fare," replied the boy. *'jt's 'most enough, J tWuk, J will parn the rest soon, when I get ovcy there." good captain could mnjirtftin Ms 4 smile UgUfl m I8M* WUU '* M UUj ¥ JXVVW.'J' UU1. LllVUtTj .... _. _ are rttt bdfffcf llttlfl m •, ftftcf all Sou; Shaft stJtjKwitll "tod ai6^Fnieci«,,d ! fid We''wnrniftfffc n Wai ef you, 1«)W will that suit yofl?"-^ .foby wtte delighted, of Mitse. TtfS SailofS, wild nfe .wonderfully hrtlldy fit such tiling* devised rt suit of clothing' fttf Ills small, body. - tie speedily be* crttne n pfl'ent favorite with the crew" bf the Fnlcoii,- proving himself to be" nctive nttd intelligent* and, -whnt is fflf bettor .absolutely honest and truthful, a ho cnp'tnift had jt>'own v.H-y fold of Job*}.nnd ns fbf Joby—\vellf it was not. long Dcforc 'everybody on bonrtt knew what Joby thought of the inphiln. Thp Fnlcou, which Was n, sailing vessel, Imd met With head winds constantly Binco leaving tho Chnnnrf, nnd on tho fourth week out struck by ft J'orivv fjnjp fro'ri 1)'" tiiM'fiin'tst. AH day long tho good ship labored with the mountainous waved, leaping uuj plunging till it scented as though Uui groaning, creaking' masts must come out of hot*. But slid was U stanch* •well-built craft, nnd had pnssed safely through ninny a worse tempest. With the fall of tho nidit, the pnlo increased in violence. The Sails had been reduced to the heavy lower can-* vns, just.sufllcient to-steady the Vessel. The ca'ptnin remained on deck, taking a position near tho rail, where he could koop an pye on the rigging. Ncni- him, sheltered by the bulwarks, sat little Joby, on a coil of rope. At first the noise and confusion, the thunder of the water, the shriek" of tho wind tlu'ouRh the coi'dage, and tho wild pitching of the ship had frightened the boy. But when, by the light of n lantern near by, ho saw the cup- tain's face, ho felt relieved, and rather cnloyed the excitement of tho^storm. Suddenly, just as the captain was shouting an order through bis trumpet, a .vast billow, g.ccriied to rise out of the gloom and bear down upon the ship. It struck the vessel's side with an awful roar, throwing tons of water on the deck. Before he could save liim- self, the captain was lifted from his feet and flung overboard into the •fecsi. Almost at the same Instant a small figure was soon to leap upon the mil, cling there a moment, • nud then leap outward into the darkness and disappear. "Man overboard!" The terrible cry rang above the roar of the tempest. For a moment all .was panic and confusion. Then, under the mate's -command,- the. sMp was rounded to, with her head to the wind, and a boat ordered to be lowered. "No use," said ."one of the men .to thp mate, who stood by tlie rail near where the captain had fallen overboard, "we could never find them in the daylight, lot alone such'0. night as this." "I avu afraid not," answerc-1 the mate sadly. "Poor old man! Poor boy! I-Inrkf what was that?" "Falcon, ahoy!" The shout came long and strong from the darkness, not twenty yards from where tlie ship lay. Tho captain!" cried a dozen glad voices, "Belay your jaw there, ye lubbers! Tail on that lino and haul us aboard, or'we'll bo adrift." .Lino! Us! What could IKS mean? But tiie mate had already discovered a curious thing—a light but strong ropo, fastened to ;i ring in the bulwark and extending outward Into tho darkness, toward the spot whi'ime tho captain's voice proceeded. It \v...i drawn tight, as if some heavy bui'dou were- towing at the end of It. In an Instant sturdy arms were pulling nt it with a will. Thou a stout rope was lowered, and up it like a monkey, scrambled Joby, fo.lowed more slowly by Capt. Essex. Thou a. great chow 1 went .up. drawn- Ing the mir of the storm itself, as tins crew gathered about tlio dripping forms of the captain and his little friend. A few words served to explain what had happened. Joby, with his eye on tho captain, had seen him carried overboard. • He know that one oud of the coll of I'ght though strong vopo upon which liq sat was secured to tlio bulwark, for he had lied the knot himself tlmt very day. "Without pausing to think of his own danger, ho look tho fm« end of the rope between bis tivth. and was in tho water nearly as soon as the captain himself. Though he could Rwim like n duck, he was borne helplessly clung on tlie crest of tin? waves almost Into the nrnm of Capt. KSSP.X, who caught, him ns ho was swooping by. Tlio captain fastened the Hue about both of their bodice; and partly swimming nnd pni lly towed by the ship, they bad managed to keep thelv hearts above the water until tho Falcon was hove to. Tins slorm blew itself out during tbo night, and thi> next movnlug <1n\vn«l cb'iir and calm. All the forenoon Joby was observed to be very gnivo aii.l silent, as if he were pondering some important, question. Finally lu« pj'" 1 - souted hlusiiU before the captain in the CM bin. "Well, my boy," said the captain, "what can 1 do for your 1 "A: man's life Is worth a good deal of money, isn't U?" asked Juby. twirling his «ip nervously as lie spoke. "iXot a- boy like. nip. but a grown ui:vii " "Yes, of course, my lad." replied the captain. "A man's'life Is supposed to bo Ijit! most valuable, of hin posses? sions." "Well, then," finid Toby, twirling his cap si ill more nervously, "they suv t saved yom lid- hist night. I don't say it was much, you see, Any tVl oiv wlio can swim could do the twain; only 1 , to do II" Yes, you ceijuialy did it, Joby. And "You see—yon see," stammerer! Joby, "I—I (bought thai- would p:iy for in/ passage; then It wouldn't be stealing, you liuow." Joby could not make out whv the oaplaia's honest eyes should Mv.ldenly grow moist, nor why thu captain's right arm almost snuw.wl the breath out tit his small body; nor yet \v4iy the <-:i!>- tain's voice should be so husky, as he said: ••.Joby, my 1-id. while oU Tom Essex's | hulk holds together, and a s'nstle timber of III m Qimiii. you shall ne\er w.uil &H- n berth, or be \vltuuut 4 u-liu.d." DECORATION DAY, filoip, comrades sloop nttd rnst. .Ott thU Held of the Rroutidod MOO, W ofbfoo-i no moromotdst, Nor sonify s shot alarms I Ye hnve slept on the "round before^ And ht irtotl to .Vouf loet At th cnnn m'N sucldon rontr Of tho dt urn's redoubtln s beat But In thlt camp of Donth Uo sound your slumber breaks: Euro Is no rovero I breath, . No wound th iV bloods anil aohos. All In repose tiad pnneo, Untriimpled lt<H thaso-1: Tlio s.iontt of battle liono— It U the truce ot GoJT Rest. doiur,itto». rent and Thu tho i ht-i ot man snail ba A* tuntmeta to Uoep " •-. Your ro ,t fronadatue-ra-fj?e<3; Your silent tontaof (frostt Wo tli'ck with fr wiMtvt Doworai / Yourd.hns IhomitforltK bcom Tue momoi'y sh U| Iw ouri —Honry Wadfwoeth' Lonafollow. First C6nvp!»uy. I htivo always- claimed tha/t Eipley organized the first company for the' suppression of tiio- rebellion. On April 13, 1-861, ai meeting- of tho'loyal citizens o£ RipTey was- convened: to give an express-ion of their views in regard to the nrinQf upon-Fort-Sumter, and while this meeting 1 was in progress the operator took from the wires-the announcement that Fort Sumter-had surrendered. This- announcement was brought to tho meeting- by A\ E. Devoro, who walked' half-way up the aisle and ren:l the diapateht The meeting- adjourned- at' once'to 1 Armstrong's hull, for' the purpose'of organizing a military company and tsndering ourselves to WilliamiDenni- son, governor of Ohio. The meeting was held at 7 p. m., as per agreement. Captain Jacob Ammen had; not boon nt the "citizens' meeting; and' was noti-, fled to be at the evening meeting; that ho would bo elected captain-of the company. A. S. Liggett, was tho first to sign tho roll; the writer-stood over him, and was the second, and the roll was soon filled.. The election.of officers resulted; Captain, Jacob Ammen; first lieutenant, A. E. De- yore; second lieutenant, E.. M', Carey: with A. M. Itidgoway as third lieutenant. On the following day, April 14, Gap- tain Ammen started by tho noon boat for Columbus to tender the company to the governor, reaching thore-by noon on tha 15th, by which time-the- president had issiied his call for-7o,000> troops, and we were accept3d. On his return a f.'wdays were given' us to winding up our business befono- po'n? into camp. We finally turned' up at Oiimp Jackson, Columbusv As we were passing from the boat to. the- Uroa'dway hotel for breakfast, Whoso guests we wore, a gentleman stepped' alongside Captain Ammen and said: "I will give you',8400 if you will take your covnpuny home and give my company your place." Had the captain waited till the- 10th. inst. we should not have- gotten within the call and bsen left out in- the cold. That we wore not a part of the 1st or 3d Ohio was no fault of ours, for we were in Camp Jackson before e'th .• of those regiments waa organized. There Is another matter that I am proud of as an Ohio man, and that is th's; Thut on April 23, 18:H, Gon, C«,r- rin<rton, fio adjutant-general of Ohio, had all the compinios form n low piece of ground, and from a hiq-h point made us a speech, and among other things said: "You may boist of your Empire state, or yimr Keystone state, whieh so far exceed ns in population, or the Kay state, so renowned for hei; patriotism during the war of the Revolution, but to-day thoy s'nk in dispa'r- aTomont when compare! with Ohio. It is just e'ght days to-:lay since the president called for 75,000 troops from all the states, of which Ohio's quota is 13,000; but to-day Ohio alone hiw 83,003 ' volunteers organized into companies and begging to go,"—R. C, Itenkin, 7th Ohio Cav,, in National Tribune, any' wai J futl af aents* Funny—You take, t'ostev loo seriously; NtHblujr lu« say's is worui a monu.ut's Kqasideratuui. JS'aimy—Bm he jusjuiutwl th:vr I was or.p of thu mushroom :u%stiK.jiie,v. A Plitg Will"!' Ui»a S The At'antu Constitution says that as the stream of visitors pours into the treasury.not one in ahundredstops nt the parrow room which is the heud/- quarters of the captain of the watch, J had been through the buildm? fifty times be.'ora I saw the interior of t!mfc room. One day its keepar said to me; I ''Did you cyor see my flaj?" | , On being told that I hftd not, he took we into o, plainly furnished room whose only ornament is a silk Un'ted Ktatas flag, protoetsd in a glass frame, i That w»i the flag with which the president's box was hv»ng on tb.3 pight of his murder by tho mail assassin. Uooth shot Mncoln from the rear and then leaped on the stage to truilo his sickening proclamation of ''Sic Semper Tyrannis." As he jumped from the box his spur caught in the fia^ ami made sv rant of several inches. i Pnr.q? t^>» > V «*P General Phil Cook, of ueorgia, pushe I a brigade almost to the gatJB of \V ^hinjtou, and lead ihe on'.y Conftsd-'rate force that ever fpught- in the District of Columb a. Jt was, out at) Fruzier's farm, on the Haltiinore and Ohio railroa-l, and. Upnaral Cook saya that tlio do«4ol tb^c^p'tol wa« clear,- ly yWbl^ ftj his m.<jn as they iQu'g'^fr of ladies ewitributetl ta tlie ot a beslBlilill flftgf fo? t duafdV 1 fhey fedfa it fate battles, bu£lft s^etiis that it waa la any' lively 1 «r*Afbw, as it was r . foci wliett Mftfiafef fdfd borrowed M to dfape th6 preaUtdflt** box on tne> night of his assassiHfttiofl, It is How gfovvlnjf yeildW with Sgd, but it la preserved as one of thw f»l(c9 ojf otif civil revolution, »4 » thrilling testimonial of one of the »a).1cte9t aots evor.porpotratcd by wf-rettssiett Mortal. Outwitted. A prominent Methodist' cf#r}#yiHan in New York fell into a fanv(iris«enb mood tho other evening, and grave a party of friends an ertteftainfng' ao- count of the way in which ho" sac- coeded in obtainin* an interview \Vi6h the secretary of war in the days- of tho rebellion* Visitors to Washington who Item* experienced tho annoying difficulties and delays generally encountered in' reaching ttoe inner office of a menrbcif of thb' eatbi'ttofc in tlboso pip'lng times of peace, cani imuEfino what such an attempt meant! iit w»r times, when every cabinet) oflldter and particularly tho secretary of. wao'-wasovorwltolmed with 1 work sovoni days, in tho week. "It was a> matter-of-' .the most pressing .neCessiby," said' tke clergyman, "for ino to> go> to the' front of tho Union lines without an> liour** delay. I reached' Washington 1 im t&e morning, andi Sf on Itearnodi that. I could not cross ^b j. Pbtouuic intoi Virginia tvith- otita.^. »ss from the 1 secretory of war. ''Thinking-ifrwould:He-no 1 tr««iole to get-Mio pasSi Itinquired'Where- the war department waa» and' hurried np to Seventeenth 1 street, whoro-ifc. wa» then located. About-Sixtoenth'Streetl-I no- ticodia'line of- mem on' tlio- sidewalk, nnd as I burr led! along found that this- lino extended upPonnsylvania-aivreo-ue, aroundi the' corner of Sovonteenth street, and down the bloak< to-tbo- entrance to-tho' war-department. "Mon in the-line told mo thoy were waiting their turn 1 to see- Senretary Stantohi and some of those 4 neantf the head tad: actually hold, their ploeea twentyfour hours.. I was also- told that. I must take-my placa-att the'tail end of that long- lino, anil porha-ps I would reach the' department the-next day. "That would never do f6r f ,. me',, and as.! walked slowly down the line I put on<my 'thinking cap' and 1 thought outa'Bchetne togetdnto tho secrotuary's- office-without any delay. BeforO'I got totho-end of that line-I had.fbrra«di a plan of procedure. "I. hurried down the- avenue-until I foundl a stationery shop, where I bought a package of foolscap paper and ai couple of largo, official-looking envelopes. FOlili ug>- up -several sheets of the blank paper I filled each, of tlie envelopes with; them) sealed up* the envelopes, and borrowed the statvion- or's.pen long enonghi to>addness. each to.'tho Honorable- Secretary of War, Washington^.D.. C.,! ini big, black letters. "Then, with those- envelopes-in my hand, I went,up to the war department. As soon; as I was. in> sight of tho two soldiers. who< stood on' gaard at tho door Iput on the- most important air I could assumo-and walked so fast it,was just..shortiof'a'rum "As I reached the entrance- the soldiers dropped and crossed their muskets in front of me, just as I had expected them to, but I 1 waved 1 the big envelope** at them and'cried out'Im- portant! Important! 1 and thoy stepped aside,.just as I had hoped they would, "Once inside the building 1 it was an easy matter to find tlio-secretary's office. I told Mr. Stantoni frankly how I had got into the- place and he laughed heartily as ho- made out the pass it was. so. important 'I should have," A War Story. "The closest shave I over heard of," remarked IK L. Mertoni, an ox-army officer, "waa one I witnessed during the late war. It was. during the heat of one of tho most fearful conflicts we had. Shot and shells wore flying around us like hail and it was almost ^certain death for a man to his body from behind the fortifications where wo were stationed. Tho enemy was gaining upon \is. and it bocarae evident that unless we rooeivoJ re- enforcements the day would be lost. Our commanding officer called for a volunteer to ride about seven miles to where another part of our rogiment was stationed to notify them of our condition. "Tho errand was a most perilous one, but a young private stopped from the ranks and said ho would take tha risk, He accordingly started out, mounted on tha general's horse. He had scarcely proceeded a dozen yards when a twenty-four-pound shell struck 'the horse fairly in the chest. The aminal stood rigid for A moment and then disappeared, The shell had exploded in tha horse and blown it into a thousand fragments, The most remarkable thing about it was that the soldier was not hurt in the least, lie was merely blown into the air and. drenched with blood, coming out wifcb, only a few scratches," ! ' A JfuIr-UruiKltli Escuptj. "I served all through the late civil war," remarked Jonas felt, of Nashua, N, If., "and ; saw a good many narrow escapes from death. About tho closest shave fa being killed I ever faw was this: One day a sick soldiar was lying in a tent wiph his knapsack for a pillow. He was supposed to be out of harm's way, bnt ft solid shoV caine'flying 1 thrqugh, tho a,ir, struck the knapsack an4 carried it clean away. The only inconvenience to the invalid was the lo$s of his' pillow $n4 the sudden, letting 1 dpww Q| bje head, 4s %J' SAVIN6S ANO FUN MAKERS. ffffr in A f«SAi ItoM— tt* Bfrftffc tiik* by bar IttwHoron* , f ft breakfast did yen have?"i*<i«5fed If t» slightly shabby locking individual, wm> 'm- taking 1 A se»t • ifl !I£')lC *»W of ft *«M§ ^^^ fcotet and -**—- L^^^-figr « "Worst lay otJ* 1 CVWs-trnek on my whole mttb; Horrible- spread to dish up to a liungry rtan." "The oteaks wonld> iJjWo- half-soledl a pflir of kip 'boots?" "You bcrt. \Vhy 4 the cSOffe* wfls sfl' transparewf'1 coiil'd'see sathples of-the 1 cook's hairfcurled -ttpi in- the-bottom oi' the cup." "And yOU'^ould'nnyft tell 1 tWe difference between 1 the butter'andiUlte sweet oil?" "No:, and the bread! was-thff worst case of sour mash I -ever sotw in my life." "And the baked' pDtatbes* were warmed through'ttnd a8 solid'a8>» dor- nick?" "Yes, and they triod' td 1 • pcdte off throe different dishes of'yesterday's sowpfor a now species of 1 hush.'' •'And the roast lookedliko-a-pieec of chnrcoal?" "Uet your life! and 'the batter.'ctufees were nothing less than raw doughx" "And the waiters wore sauoy »andlio- diilerent?" "Yes, one of them -picked'tap a'chair and offered to hit me with it if I called for any more ten, I'd 'like -tO'see tlte landlord of this ranch. I'd just liUe-to see h ru as a curiosity. He must be tile ornyist cuss in fourteen states-" "Well, I've boon thinkintr some of rejuvenating this establishment for quite a while, and being the landlord^ I'm taking a quiet stroll in >and out among the guests getting their views. I always like to strike a-live kicker like yourself, because then I get in all the important testimony, for the prosecution, and know just where to begin, with my reconstruction. Just stop> here on your way back and you will find different arrangements."—Texas- Siftjjngs.,' The Difference. ' "Which is the best, to owe,- or - to> have something owing you?" asked Col. Largerbeer of Gus.-De .Smith,the other day. "Why, to have something owing to you, of course, answered Gus, who is one of the brightest society youths in Harlem. "I don't agree with you," said Lagerbeer. "Well, why not?" "If you owe something when you are able to pay it, you have value received, anyhow; and if you never pay —why, then you are sure to make a handsome profit, but, if something is owing to you—for instance that 85 I loaned you ,two years ago—the chances aro you will never get a cent back." AVhy Brown'Didn't Know .'Hlm«i. Brown—1 can't lend you a« dollar- I don't know you. / Stranger—What, you don't know me?. Why, my name is continually in, the papers. Brown—May be so, but I never:read the police reports. Educational Item.. Visiting Friend—It must cost a;<good deal of money to be a student Student—It takes some money at first, but afterward you can live, on credit. A Mistake. At Delmonico's in Thompson' street Guest—Look heah,. yon black rascal, heah's a piece of tortoiiie shell comb .in. my beef stew, Waiter—I beg yoah pardon, sir; the cook's made a mistake and, given you terrapin instead of beef. Item. •Bfywyi ffiRfV fffcw Uisr^^: Photogr^phor— Now. doa't wink ( Mr. Joues. Mrs. Jones—Wink? Just let, i»fi catch hiw winking! fttatti'ttft .bt^f-l — , _. that ki's WHS ifcf<§'fl«seltliu', ',"1>l Small "Ymididn't '— IriA yett eVe*' liaW a^ ' ttferlMuMtf "" ' K1 "Yes.-" "I . e to nesrrffc' 0 "Oaa'tiigbJ I drowned thut ih suddenly biased, «Hii» light! tlfe ' eiis Wetwfille* with » tbrong' a trumpaisoimdodC the dead | 5 their graves, and tlwt» a voice shtoJu'teffei&| 'Something, tewnibl* is going . "Well?? "Well, the-very-nex* day out"— Weekly. • ' Young Medicnl l Rttidtnt''ffto i h!8 sweet!-' heart)—Do you know. JnHtv, that the" T . human heart is-equal tb-'the' lifting of \'& yyo pounds every twentyfowr hours? "H Julia-'(demureJy)-r-Weil) that's just my weight l> Tttwtm. Traveler—neudlo«lc< in> your stato • legislature,' eh?' Kntive—Yes;~ "Why don't you"brealc;it9?" "Wish we coul&l" "Nothing is'ea&ierj'.'' "How?" "Introddoe a.-ilnll i tOTaise' salaries. 1 ** A *C'orre«ttK«tlmi*t*x. , Tourtsb(in Oklahmntt)— Whojkis tho population i ot .this^town?.' Alkali i Ike (promptly) — El'crbt hundred and fiixty-bGven.'SOiils,. aousi thirty- one.real cbtute- Cumulate — I don't see- wliy peoples rave overithat'mun as nni after dinner speaker. I neveri- lieardi wich silly twaddle. Cumlater-'-Youi fo^gfii'-thaitit is not after dinueiv ' ' ' "He has -hadihis.-" "•Yes, but,\vo huve> -not hacll ours." . Why not becoming- Allop»<MlJ First Fa'sliioni Deiulor-- adopt this>styla?' 1 t»'both of us. Second.Fa'shiom Loader.'—Yes,) it is becoming to us,- butatidous. not'tmake other peopleilook.uglyy onowgh. t'jma AHvny* sVnroe—Irn tde- Conn try. Mrs, Suburb—Y.ouilook tired out Mr.. Submibr—1| am*. I have been searching for the tent; of. thousands of unemployed, thuti tlio' papers talk: ubout ' 'Do you iwdsh' toilielpi them?" "Yes. I.-vyanba.raa.u to-shovol snow, but I.guuss^IIlliha,VQ'ta-dio it myself." Tliey M«>ti I-CT Chance. Col, Yerger—What> the matter wit^ you? Your olO'thes are all torn amj your face i& *U s^ai-red no. Sam John«ing—Nuffin'i boss, nnftin' wuft' bpeakin' of. J jus' had a little chat wid i»y fust and, only lub, what I met for da fust time since I Queried l^uey. A Wise J-lttle Kitten, Little Pot -My kitten is &ic% and J have been, trying ever so hard |o make her take some medicine, bu\ she won't; touch it Mother—Of cour?* not* Cat? never t§ke juedicine \vhcii they aro 6ick. ., Pflt^Whya^thaU^ I . <, u = Boy — That toy boat you sold me i». no goodi Dealer — What's- wuomg with it? Boy — It won't stand inp. Flops rigM. over quick as- 1 put it in the watery "'• Guess you. thought Ji wanted it for tfc man-ot-ww»; Ai jrina.ti«t»l IMsonn8lon, Johnuia- IPevv&civds— Can you lend, m* twenty dollars, for » few days? Weatiy ITvUttwl— Why don't you pftWR» ' your waite-h' 1 ? "Because it is iv keepsake fro mi l»y dear mother, wntll rton't like tO'B»Pfe ' with ib," "My ijiioney is ;> keepsake fromi wiy • dear father, HRil I don't like tQ> P»rt witkit, either," w do you earn a Italian Vvisoner — Me raisa. lk Yon raise tobacco'.'" ^'Yessa. Me rais.ii. im from And Tflt He I.ecturfr' (proudly)— Yes, I've delivered one Ivctnre- «wp hundred cnnsecutivo nigb-te, • Jones (sadly)— That's- iwlhing, My wife has deUvered one- ^etur& tq pm without missing u nigtUilwovur eev»B years- _ A Sure l»TNM>f. Smith— Our friend, llusenberry l^lfii* jng his mind. Joni-s—^^ "I Va'w him drop % wivkul in thoso m'ckel'ln-tUii-f he actually expected it to work" ".Great- Scott! he wiust te ejv?v, He*. . p g-o pn the" roud reaks my spt'^y

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