The Des Moines Register from Des Moines, Iowa on July 27, 1969 · Page 36
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July 27, 1969

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The Des Moines Register from Des Moines, Iowa · Page 36

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Des Moines, Iowa
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Sunday, July 27, 1969
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Page 36
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.:.: ...<|-W DES MOINES SUNDAY RKHTSTKtt July 27, 1969 1 Feel Only Half a Wife and Half a Woman' By Roscmaric Wittman © Tht London Sunday Times H ALF 1 THE doctors I know are trying to stop babies, the other half are trying to start them," says a London surgeon. Susan, a 29-year-old wife who has been trying to have a baby for six years, says: W E DIDN'T want a baby at first. I wanted a house, and a car and a washing machine, and I wanted Tom to be earning enough money to pay for a live-in babysitter. I didn't want to be tied down. "It took a long time to get the house. When we were about half way through con- verting and decorating, T stopped using a diaphragm and just sort of hoped. Nothing happened at all. At first it didn't worry us — I had no idea how long these things took, so I just went on waiting and hoping. At first it was a bit of a joke when I'd tell Tom: 'Sorry, no baby this month.' And he'd laugh and say: 'Ok, let me take you out to dinner while we can still afford it.' "After about 18 months f began to get worried. I went to see my G.F., who said,' after examining me inler- n a I I y : 'Everything's fine, don't worry. You'll be pregnant within another year.' "But another vear went hv and I still wasn't pregnant. By this time, I was sure it was Tom's fault. Our family has always been very fertile. I have four brothers and sisters, and my grandmother had three. One night in a terrible quarrel about something .else, I suddenly burst out: 'And the reason we've got no children is you.' Tom went white. He just turned around and walked out of the house. "Finally, he did agree to take tests. They found that his sperm was quite normal. So it was back to me again. T went back to the G.I'., who arranged for me to go to the h o s p i t a I for investigation. They made me keep morning temperature charts to see if a little rise showed I was ovulating, and when this didn't happen, they decided to test my Fallopian tubes by blowing gas through them. "That was dreadful. They plug the nozzle of a small hose into the cervix and blow gas into the womb and listen with a stethoscope to hear whether the gas passes through one or both tubes as it. escapes into your tummy. This gave me an awful pain under my rib cage. I T WAS ABOUT this time that our marriage began to go seriously wrong. Tom has to be away a lot in his. job and around this time he went on a two-month trip Two Collectors Go Country IMS! in a series. By Malinda Wiesner (Th« Regitter's Fashion Editor) T HEi T*JVO men who, as a team, present one of the most popular fashion collect i o n s each season, have again combined efforts, dreams and schemes — this time for their new country estate called Buckhom in the Pound Ridge area of New- York. Jerry Silverman and Shannon Rodgers opened the doors of their business about 10 years ago with Silverman as manufacturer and Rodgers as designer. The two have shared this business interest, twin penthouse apartments overlooking Central Park in New York City and now they also share a country estate for weekends. Buckhorn is 10 acres of rolling hills, a lake, a swimming pool and pool house, a gray stone house reminiscent of sixteenth-century England and, almost as important, a dog kennel. W HILE ATTENDING fall fashion previews, editors were invited to spend an afternoon at Buckhorn. It was here we were introduced to the V.I.P.'s of Buckhorn — Domino and Magillicuddy, cocker spaniels; Satan, a standard poodle, and King, a collie. As we mentioned — there is a kennel but soon it was evident that the rest of the estate is run for the dogs, too. A staff member from the Silverman office decided to take a swim but Satan took exception. After harassing from the poo! side didn't attract enough attention to get the woman out of "his" pool, Satin jumped in, too. Silverman did manage to coax the pet out, but the pooch still offered his opinion of the situation by shaking his drenched curly coat right in the midst of otherwise dry editors. The rest of the menagerie stood close watch with barks of approval. A short time later Satan's 'Dear Mother...' Dear Ann Landers: Please print this letter, Ann. I need to say something to my mother. She might not guess this letter is meant for her, but if it helps some other mother realize how she hurts her children when she shows favoritism, I will have helped somebody. ¥ .f! * Dear Mom: Do you know how I feel when you and Sis and I have a conversation and you never look at me? '~Alr~your~~commpnTs are directed to Sis - as if I wasn't even in the room. Wheir'l express an opinjon you interrupt and ask Sis what she thinks. When she says something amusing YOU shriek with laughter. I don't think I've ever made you laugh in my whole life. I realize Sis was your firstborn, and ( suppose it's natural to love the first one best, but must you show it so openly in everything you say and do? I know I'm not as pretty as Sis nor as bright and witty, but I practically break my neck trying to please you and I want so much for you to love me. Please, Mom. listen to me. ->Talking To You Aaa says: Your message came through loud and clear If your mother read it. she got it. Beamed living roonl at Buckhom combines contemporary and antique furnishings that Jerry Silverman and Shannon Rodgers have collected. antics got the best of him and he came limping in with a cut paw. Silverman turned tender attention to the dog as he played veterinarian. I NSIDE THERE is evidence of another of the designer's hobbies — growing orchids. A half - dozen plants laden with as many as nine blossoms per plant grace the bay window in the dining room. The kitchen is brick-walled with two fireplaces — one is for real and the other houses the electric "counter top" range. Copper utensils add the appropriate accents. In the lower level of the house there is a giant bedroom that bears just a hint of furnishing. "Too newly-remodeled to move completely into," explains Silverman. Adjoining it and just about as big is the marble bath. Floors, walls, counters and showers are all marble with golden fixtures. B OTH SILVERMAN and Rodgers are avid collectors of antiques and art but so far most of the evidence for this is found only in the living room. There the gentleman over the fireplace is Rodgers' great-great-grandfather. Another painting. Js_...by -Sir- Thomas Lawrence of the Duke of Wellington. Furnishings include a Louis XVI bureau and a six- tcenth-ccntury English low- hoy. Living room beams are without me. I wrote occasionally, but I was terrified in case he found another girl. When he came back, everything was, well, sort of cool, distant. There was nothing he actually reproached me with, but somehow I felt he was slipping away. "I was desperate by this time. It had been about four or five years since I'd started thinking about a child. It was now the most important thing In my life. Instead of sex being enjoyable, it became a terrible strain. I was thinking all the time: 'Will it work this time?' ,...."I wanted.Tom to make love to me every night, though the doctor warned us that this wouldn't be any good — it lowers the sperm count or something — and in any case he was often too tired. His visits abroad also became more frequent, which made me desperate. How on earth could I conceive if he was away all the time? "I started avoiding looking in baby carriages when I did the shopping. I was half afraid that if it was a nice- looking baby, I'd steal it. I don't like going to friends' houses during the day when they, have young children, and when we go out to dinner, I dread that they're going to come downstairs in their nighties. They're so adorable, I feel enormous spasms of envy. "I think: 'Why in God's name can't we have one of those?' In some ways, I feel guilty that we didn't try right from the beginning. I have this thing that it was years of birth control that has brought this on. I know it's irrational, but I feel I'm being punished, for preventing the course of nature. "In the last year, I've been off and on the pill. The hospital told me to go on for three , months and then come off because that's supposed to make you more fertile. WAS convinced I got pregnant the first time I stopped the pill. I missed a period and waited and waited. I was just about to have a test when it came. I was shattered. I'd been planning,, hardly daring to really, but I'd been planning layettes a,nd the baby's room. I felt all the symptoms: Heavy breasts, tiredness, nausea. Then when it came, 1 wanted to cry and cry and cry. "I must say Tom was very good about it. He teems much more accepting now of my Infertility than me. The doctor said I probably had not been pregnant but just late. This is an effect the pltl sometimes has, I'm told. But he said carry on and try again, so I'm doing that, just hoping. "They keep telling me not to get panicky, to relax. And each new doctor I. go to — I've been to three or four — is always very optimistic and relaxed, but I'm beginning to get fatalistic about it. I refuse to adopt. I want to give Tom a son, and I know adoption will never be the same. I couldn't love a child that's been rejected by a woman lucky enough to have one of her own. "When I read all these nor- * * * ror stories of unwanted children, 1 want to cry. How can people be 10 cruel? The other thing that males me mad Is listening to MUM perfectly fertile mMdl*class woman, usually a gradaite, going on about how the banks tie her down, and bow she want* to get back to full-time work. I suppose they dp it to me unthinkingly. "The ironic thing is I've never wanted a career. I just want to look after Tom and a house and four children. I've given up the idea of a live-in baby sitter. If I ever get a child of my own, I shall look' after it night and 'day myself. "fTIHE TERRIBLE thing to J. face, when you can't have children, is your inadequacy. I feel only half a wife and half a woman. I can't even fulfill the basic biological requirements of my sex. What use am I? Don't tell me about the population * * * problem. Intellectually, I can appreciate the problems; emotionally, God, emotionally, I just want to be the mother of 10. ''It's funny. When we wait* ed to get married, both sets of pareati were aganst It for •octal nitons. Tom's orlfi- nally working class, even though be went to a university - and I'm middle-class, I rappow, though I wat jnt • secretary. Anyway, they think somehow Alt social origins tBhig h) all connected with not having any grandchildren. "Tom's given us another year to start a family, after which he says we're gatng to adopt. I'm sure it's either that or he'll leave me. I'm very much afraid of it. He's obsessed with children now. Whenever ye go to the park, he always stops and looks at the children in the playground. 1 know he wants them desperately. Our marriage is becoming meaningless without them." if if if What IS Susan 'sProblem? (S- The London Sunday Times W HY SUSAN is not able to conceive a child is not clear, even to her doctors. She apparently ovulates normally and her husband's sperm is also normal. However, gynecologists will always admit that there is a mysterious "other" factor which may be psychological and may be simply that one particular couple may not be able to produce a child together. In any case, any couple under 30 who has been trying to conceive a child for a year without success should seek medical advice for infertility. Most causes of infertility are treatable. Infertility of Women • BLOCKED TUBES. This may be a result of infection which has spread to the Fallopian tubes or may follow a miscarriage, delivery, abortion or gonorrhea. Tuberculosis, perhaps undiagnosed in • childhood, can also caused blocked tubes. Treatment: Unblock the tubes with surgery or by blowing gas through them. •HORMONAL UPSET. The ovaries, and the thyroid, pituitary and adrenal glands must all be functioning correctly to produce the delicate balance of hormones %hich leads to the ripening of the egg and its release. Hormone levels can be measured in urine. Treatment: Drugs. • INTACT HYMEN. Five per cent of the couples who seek medical advice for infertility have never achieved complete intercourse. Treatment: Gentle stretching -± under medical supervision if necessary. < •VAGINAL DISCHARGE. Discharge can have varied causes, not all of which affect fertility. Treatment: If the discharge is caused by infection, cervical erosion, a polyp or an inflamed cervix, cauterization is often advised. • NON OR IRREGULAR 0V- ULATION. This rare source of infertility may sometimes not be suspected since regu- lar periods are not proof of ovulation. Treatment: The "fertility drug," clomiphene citrate, en- abks 30 to 40 per cent of women treated to conceive. • The ovaries can also be stimulated directly with gona- dotrophins, but this runs the risk of multiple births. • CERVICAL MUCUS. The mucus may be too acidic for the sperm. Treatment: Hormones. Infertility of Men • LOW SPERM COUNT. The low count may be caused by varicose veins in the testicle, obesity or even tight underwear. These causes raise the temperature in the scrotum and reduce the sperm count. •VAS DEFERENS BLOCKED. A blockage in this duct prevents sperm being carried from the testicles to the urethra. Treatment: Surgery. •PREMATURE EJACULATION. This results in a failure to deposit semen near the cervix. Treatment: Psychotherapy. Jerry Silverman Shannon Rodgers oak and are said to be from a barn over 200 years old. The oak floor is pcggal. Rodgers points with pride to a glass artifact, a gift from General Moshe Dayan, a personal friend of Silverman and Rodgers. The house itself was built in 1934. Since the men have moved in a year ago, much remodeling has taken place. Taking you out of sixteenth- century England are the new large windows. "Before," explains Silverman, "it wasf-claustrophobic7~ You couldn'.t see the pool or orchard." Now you get an excellent view from every room. The grounds are well manicured- with dozens of rhododen- drons recently planted. The designer adds, "We sodded just two weeks ago." T HE MEN like to point out a weeping hemlock next to the pool, a weeping cherry on the bank of the lake and the larches at the end of the drive as examples of the es*- tate's original landscaping. One of the" current projects is to recreate the original gardens. There will probably be a remodeling project of one sort or another going on -around—Buckhorn—for—sometime to come. And when you have a couple of collectors living there 1 , there will always be ~thfrprojc(r~of~rinding a ptace~ for some new acquisition. DOWNTOWN AND MERLE HAY PLAZA OPEN MONDAY 'TIL 9 FAMOUS-MAKER SALE! SWIMSUIT SALE 40% to 60% OFF Our Entire Stock of Nationally Advertised Swim suits.' Over 1,200 Suits--All Styles and Colors from 20 Leading Swimsuit Lines -Sixes 3-15 & 6-16. ALL SUMMER DRESSES NOW 50% OFF ALL SUMMER SPORTSWEAR NOW 50% TO 80% OFF Merle Hay Plaza SPECIAL HOURS MONDAY OPEN 9 to 9 original prices Now, in the heat of the season, welre staging a great event! Come and get the suits to bft seen in all season long . . . maillots, boyshorts, tanks, bikinis; all the popular one and two-piece styles. Have enough for a few sea-changes to outdo the competition . . . with savings like this, you can't afford not to! all these sizes: Juniors' 5 to 15, Misses' 8 to 20 Tails' 10 to 18, Women's 38 to 46 PRE-IPENTORY CLEARANCE Drastic reductions in all departments! Our pre- inventory clearance is now in full-swing so shop now and save... *

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