Ironwood Daily Globe from Ironwood, Michigan on September 3, 1998 · Page 7
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Ironwood Daily Globe from Ironwood, Michigan · Page 7

Ironwood, Michigan
Issue Date:
Thursday, September 3, 1998
Page 7
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THE DAILY GLOBE, Ironwood, Ml — pinion Thursday, Sept. 3.1996 Page 14 Getting kids back to school can drive a parent to eat paste It's back-to-school time, parents, and you know what that means! It's time to get the kids off the TV-room sofa, using logging equipment if necessary, and take them to the mall for back- to-school supplies. Getting the right school supplies is crucial to your child's chances for success in life. We all remember the tragic story of young Abraham Lincoln, whose family could not afford school • supplies, so he had to write on a shovel blade with a piece of coal. This meant that if young Abe . saw a' cute girl and wanted to pass her a note in class, he had to hand her this big gross filthy digging implement, sometimes with worm parts stuck to it, and she'd go, "Ewwww!" and all the other kids would laugh at Abe (It did not help that he was the only one in the fifth grade who had a beard.) As a result, Abe had low self-esteem and was so desperate for popularity that he became president. Unless you want that kind of thing to happen to your child, you had better gf-.t the right kind 'of back-to-scbool supplies. What.are Mie "right kind" of supplies? According to the American Association Of School Teach- • ers Who Get The Whole Summer OfT And You Don't Ha Ha Ha, to meet federal educational standards, "every item your child, takes to school, including dental braces, must be festooned with a licensed cartoon character such as The Little Mermaid or Leonardo DiCaprio." Your child also needs a back* pack or — if you wish to have a Dave Barry Almanac & Datebook truly modern, state-of-the-art schoolchild — an actual airline- style suitcase with a handle and wheels. In my neighborhood, I see elementary-school students hauling these things around, and I say to myself, 'They're in SECOND grade! What are they CARRYING in there? Fifty-pound Twinkies?" But that is not the point. The point is, American students may not have the best educational test scores when compared to foreign students, or even certain species of foreign plants, but by gosh our kids lead the world in cubic feet of academic carrying capacity. Also, it goes without saying that you cannot send' your child back to school without a compass and a protractor. A compass is a thing with a sharp metal point and a little mutant pencil that is always falling out. A protractor is a thing that you always get when you get a com• pass. It is a centuries-old tradition for children to go back to school with these two devices, even though nobody has the faintest idea what their educational purpose is, other than us- 'ing the metal point to carve bad words into desks. win, lose & DREW A spokesperson for the American Compass and Protractor Manufacturers Association told us, "We sell 23 million of these things every September, and we lie awake at night asking ourselves, WHY?" Another traditional item you should have on your back-to- schoo) list is some kind of notebook. I know there are many kinds of new-fangled "high-tech" notebooks on the market today, but for my money, the old-fashioned three-ring binder that I used as a schoolboy remains, as an educational tool, one of the most useless things ever invented. : , I spent basically all of my classroom time from 1955 through 1963 trying to repair torn notebook paper with those stupid "reinforcing rings" that were always gumming themselves together into a little defensive clot. It cannot be coincidence that during these same years, the Soviet Union surged way ahead in the Space Race. So whatever you do, do NOT get your child .one of these. Your child would be better off with a shovel. Finally, while you're in the school-supplies department, see if they have any of that heavy white paste that we used in first grade to make art projects. Kids don't .need it for school anymore, but you should pick up a pound anyway, because it's delicious. OK! Now that you've got the educational supplies, it's time to shop for back-to-school clothes. What kinds of outfits do today's kids want? That's easy! •». They want outfits that you re- ally hate. For example, if you have a daughter, you would prefer for her to go to school dressed, basically, as a nun; whereas she wants to look as if she has been rejected for employment by a house of prostitution on the grounds of looking too slutty. How do you, as a parent, resolve this dispute? According to the American Association of Child Psychologists, the secret is to, "discuss your difference* with your daughter, openly and non- judgmentally, until the two of you are screaming at each other and she stomps away shouting at the top of her lungs that she hates you and is going to join a motorcycle gang." = Don't worry about attracting attention: There will be at least 50 other sets of parents and daughters in the Junior Department doing the same thing. It's- a. back-to-school tradition! Buying clothes for boys is much easier. What boys want to wear is — write this down — big pants. A good rule of thumb is, if the pants do not contain enough material to make all the sails needed to equip a full-sized 19th-century whaling vessel, then those pants are too,small for your modern American boy. OKJ You're all done with your back-to-school shopping! Now it's time to send the kids off to school. Even if school doesn't technically start for several more days, shove the little rascals out the door and lock it. Because you've had a long, noisy Bummer, and you deserve a chance to just lie quietly on the sofa and relax. Maybe fix yourself a bowl of paste. Sept. 3, 1998 Today is the 246th day of J998 and the 75th day of summer. TODAVS HISTORY: On this day in 1639, Thomas Lechford of Massachusetts became the first American attorney to be disbarred. On this day in 193S, Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive a car at 300 mph. On this day in 1978, Emilio and Gloria Estefan of the Miami Sound Machine were married, TODAY'S BIRTHDAYS: Nicoto Amati (1596-1684), violin-maker; Louis Henri Sullivan (1856-1924), architect; Alan Ladd (1913-1964), actor; Kitty Carlisle (1915-), actress-singer, is 83; Anne Jackson (1925-), actress, is 73; Valerie Perrine (1943-), actress, is 55; Charlie Sheen (1965-), actor, is 33. TODAY'S SPORTS: On this day in 19-47, Bill McCahan pitched a 3-0 no- hiltef for Philadelphia against Washington. Americans bound to find trouble overseas By GEORGE GEDDA AP Writer WASHINGTON (AP) — Sometimes it's rowdy behavior that gets them in trouble. Sometimes trouble comes to them. But with some 3.1 million Americans living abroad, there's no doubt that many face tough situations: arrests, civil unrest, terrorism, police abuse and kidnapping, to name a few. Each day, another 300 Americans living abroad register with U.S. embassies, guaranteeing more troubles. Thousands of others travel abroad as tourists or on business. They encounter everything from lost pnssporta to death. Indeed, some 6,000 Americans die abroad annually. Recent headlines from East Africa have highlighted the risks that Americans representing the U.S. government encounter, but Doonesbury ordinary Americans have needs as well. The State Department does what it can to help, but often there is not much it can do. Lori Berenson is well aware of those limits. A New York native, Berenson was convicted of treason by a Peruvian military court in 1996 on charges she helped leftist rebels plan an assault on the national Congress. The Clinton administration, contending that military trials in Peru lack due process, has asked that Berenson be tried in a civilian court. The Peruvian government has refused. About all the State Department tan do for Berenson, officials say, is to send a consular officer to check on her well-being. That involves a tr.ik to a frigid prison high in tha Andes mountains, 525 miles southeast of Lima. Officers have checked on her 30 times since 1996. Sometimes trouble takes the form of a cross-border conflict or a local disturbance. If a situation gets out of hand, the U.S. military may be called into evacuate Americans — as in the Congo, Guinea-Bissau and Eritrea just this year. In Indonesia, tlie State Department chartered two planes to help Americans escape from unrest this past spring. Last year, Americans were evacuated from Liberia, Albania, Zaire, Sierra Leone. In an increasingly chaotic post- Cold War world, the Pentagon has been making adjustments to meet the needs of U.S. citizens. Nowadays, warships set sail with diapers and baby bottles in case an evacuation is called for. The Navy and Marines incorporate evacuation missions into standard training for expeditionary units. Sometimes, Americans are en- dangered by potential terrorist activity. This was the concern earlier this month when, in the aftermath of the East Africa bombings, the State Department advised 6,700 Americans living in Pakistan to depart the country. Then there waa the case a month <ago of Charles "Little Nut" Miller, a reputed drug dealer on the Caribbean island of St. Kitts. He is said to have warned that he would start killing Americans at random if the United States succeeded in extraditing him for trial. U.S. diplomatic and security officials were dispatched to the island to give advice to Americans and to im- • plore local authorities to provide security for them. A handful of Americans departed the island. Police abuse is a frequent problem in Mexico; U.S. officials investigate about 10 cases a year. BY GARRY TRUDEAU Amr 7DPAYAL£XAHP %%*$, AHP0OUGHTA DAILY IV-. WISCONGM MEWSPAPER ASSN. MCMOAN P<«4« AOOCMnoN ASSOCIATED PfCU Gary Lamberg Editor/General Manager Andy Hill Managing Editor Ralph Ansami News Editor In Our Opinion Jobs 2000 useful guide for Range The plan has been updated and is out, As expected, the number one priority of the Gogebic County Economic Development Commission's Jobs 2000 Strategy Plan remains employment and job growth. Hundreds of hours of data collection and deliberations went into the recently released update of our area's development plan. The purpose of the revision is to guide the EDC, government units and the many people interested in the future of our area along a common course that will result in growth and prosperity. Every strategic plan requires a mission. We all need to be on the same page with regards to where we are going to work together on deciding how we are going to get there. What this report boils down to is jobs — how to keep the ones we have, and how to attract the ones we need to grow. Perhaps a letter to the editor from Bob Martin, of Ironwood, which ran in Tuesday's newspaper said it best. He commented on the recent announcement of an expansion to the Ironwood Industrial Park and the need to invest in that project. The letter credited the industrial park with adding as many as 30 new jobs annually over the last several years and went on to describe the economic impact they have on our community. Over 10 years, industrial park employment will add up to another 300 jobs, with a payroll punch of $5 million annually. Any economist will tell you those payroll dollars can be multiplied many times to get to the actual impact on our area's economy. Growing big ticket sales, like real estate and automotive purchases, along with a host of other expenditures naturally follow an improved employment picture. A healthier tax base would allow our schools and roads to be adequately maintained. Serious alcohol, drug and domestic abuse problems could be improved with decent employment opportunities. Many things flow from developing our employment base. We thank the EDC and all those who made the Jobs 2000 update possible. Too often in the past our region has been faced with decline, rather than managing growth. Of the two, our vote is for the latter. Jobs 2000 gives us a road map to use along the road to regional rebirth. New lights will shine for Friday's big game Bessemer schools began Monday, much to the delight of some 542 students who attended opening day classes. Letter While A.D. Johnston High School numbers are down by better than 20 students since June, spirits are high and new friendships are already building. ..The school is abuzz wit.h discussions centering about who is taking which classes, do you have one of the two now teachers who were hired during the summer, what do you think about the new lights and the new band uniforms and are you going to the games this weekend. The games of course, deal with Friday night when the Bessemer Speed Girls travel to Wakefield for the annual Wakefield Tip-off Classic beginning at 5 p.m. in the first of back-to-back games over the weekend. Head coach Jim Partanen believes the team is beginning to "jell," and that another solid season lies ahead, as long as the team takes it one game at a time and continues to make improvements, much in the manner as it has during the past few weeks of practice. Then at 7:30 p.m. Friday evening, the Speed Boys will take on the Mighty Midgets of Hurley in a contest won by Hurley each ol the past three years. Hurley comes in with a convincing victory over the Ironwood Red Devils this past Friday and looks to be the team to beat on the Range this season. In addition to an outstanding game, lots of different foods will be available for the taste of everyone. Come meet with friends and have a good meal prior to the opening kickoff at 7:30 p.m. Shortly before kickoff, August Semmerling, president of the Bessemer Board of Education, will speak regarding the new lighting system which has been incorporated and will be enjoyed for the first time at the evenihg's game. The lighting structure was first made available to night-time activities on Sept. 10, 1949, some 49 years ago. Friday evening's football game will be the first of hundreds of events to be played on the field in the years ahead. New teachers, Janice Massie, Brian Chandler, Damien Earnst, Mark Mettler and David Wilson met with students and staff for the first time. All look forward to the year ahead. It promises to be a good year, filled with learning and growth and many good times. AlGaiM, Besoemer superintendent

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