Alton Evening Telegraph from Alton, Illinois on August 29, 1972 · Page 5
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Alton Evening Telegraph from Alton, Illinois · Page 5

Alton, Illinois
Issue Date:
Tuesday, August 29, 1972
Page 5
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Coriventioneering cleric ublocrat orDemocian next? Alton Evening Tflr.c/raph Tu^'.d.-iy, Am>usf 2'), 1072 A-5 For the biggest Frigidnirc valuca of the yc.;\r. look under the ' ff By Lester Kinsolvinft -V 'Miami Beach—QUESTION: what docs one do when one is the only person wearing a clerical collar anionjj ;hc thousands in the press gallery of a national political convention? ANSWER: One sppndsf : -\ goodly amount of lime ifn- swering the jocular inquiries of the Knights (if the Fourth Estate (those ivporters who chronicle the actions of admitted politicians), fly contrast, I am used to coverinr; the national conventions of politicians whose ecclesiastical role seems !o require that they never admit their political skills — wliicti makes for additional dimensions in (he excitement of human comedy. Among inquiries from my colleagues of the Fourth Estate: — "Is it true. Father, that you collaborated with tho Republican National Committee so that each night ram fell upon all those hairy unwashed demonstrators?" — (After one of those adulatory films about The Man whom one wag suggested be renamed "Richard President"): "Why don't you ask for the microphone am! add: 'and he ascended into Heaven'?" — (During the post-Nixon nomination demonstration — which looked as if it had been directed by deMille — featuring 22,000 balloons, a dancing parade of somehow artificially shrieking youth and a voluptuous lady carrying a sign "Detroit Sewer Workers Local 99 — Hi Mom!"): "Father, would you now like to give us the Benediction?" There was also the reaction of three elderly lady delegates who starred wide- eyed at my "Free Martha" button, a holdover sourvenir of the Democratic madhouse las! monlh, and asked, eyes narrowed with suspicion: ''Just who does that represent?" (Why, either St. Martha of the Kitchen or Martha Washington, of course). The Nebraska delegation was also a delight (albeit wiih much more of a sense of humor) when I asked — with as straight a face as I could muster .— just why they had a football taped to their state's sign pole. Then, when I got off the Hotel Fonlainebleau elevato 1 at the 16th floor and asked to interview Tricia and Eddie Cox, the secret service reacted in abject horror. "How did you know — uh — how did you get up here?" asked one of the cadre of impeccably dressed and invariably courteous young men (a telephone call to the hotel had revealed that they had no listing for a Mr. Cox). He spoke in the same sepulchral tones I have heard from mortician's a s s i s t a n t s or guardians of assorted holy shrines. I replied as brightly as possible (in order to reduce the tension) that I could not reveal my sources, but that innocently I had ascended in the elevator. I further sought to alleviate their anxiety by brightly observing that the triangular multi-color lapel pin worn by the not-so-secret-service is the same as the pledge pins which used to be worn l>y neophytes of Delta Kappa Epsilon, my college fraternity which is known to the envious Philistines of lesser fraternities as "the drunken Dekes." Tricia and Eddie (she favors abortion in some cases, while the President's Harvard Law School son-in-law regards them as "immoral" — end of reported comment) were at the moment in parts undisclosed and quite definitely "unavailable for comment." T was therefore escorted below to the lobby by one of these guardians, who actually thawed a little in the 16 floor descent by discuss'ng our mutual acquaintance, John Cardinal Wright, now of Vatican City. I arrived in the lobby just in time to see it roped off because of the assemblage blocking traffic on Collins Avenue just outside the hotel. Some 500 Viet vets againsi the war were behaving in so repulsive a manner as to suggest that surely their act was scripted and financed by the committee to re-elect the President — as being world at least a million backlash votes for Nixon via the asserted media lenses to which these performers are attracted like flies. One month ago I covered a riotous thing called the Democratic National Convention — for which the GOP's have now provided the opposite extreme: a computerized beach party for 1700 robots. The GOP Youth, for example, were all carefully selected, recruited, partially financed and, according to 17 • year - old Butch Stein of Elkins Park, Pa.: "We were herded around like a lot of cattle." There were, however, two minor and one major miscues in the great GOP plastif package. When the adulatory Nixon films were mixed in delivery, a news-thirsty media seized upon it as if it were a second Hiroshima. Then, the podium microphone appeared to have malfunctioned, in that the lack of volume during the first three sessions failed to provide the appropriate amplification of the total villainy of Senator McGovern and the beatific holiness of Saints Richard and Spiro. But at the beginning of Session 4, the PA system regained its full force just in time for the National Anthem — with the "rockets r e rj glare" projected by the gentle voice of Ethel Merman. (Miss Merman is one of a number of celebrities of stagf, and screen — most of whom are elderly and successful and who back the GOP). But the major miscue was committed by a hapless page from the Republican Press Center — who made the horrendous error of delivering to a TV network the apparently top-secret script for this managed convention. Among the almost incredible evidences of Executive manipulation: "At 10:18 the aisles will be clogged ... at 10:33 there's a 12-minute demonstration . . . at 10:46 Chairman Fort will say: 'I'm advised by the tally clerks that 1,348 votes have been cast for Richard M. Nixon ...'" Perhaps some day in *he dim but hopeful future, the nation's two major political conventions may decide to respect the public enough to hit a happy medium between a Democratic free-for-all and a Republican computerized scenario. Now...Plastic Cream Invention For Artificial Teeth Artificial TMth MAUAV C*I4 thaf Vloa ratinl..t; M l»,l J » Artificial Teeth Never Felt So Natural Before Now.forthefirsttime.scicnceofTersa plastic cream that holds dentures as never before— formsanelasticmem- brane that Mpi hold them to Hit natural lissuts 0} your mouth. It's a unique discovery called FIXODENT* that has revolutionized denture wearing. It lets you bite harder, chew better, eat more naturally. FIXODF.NT lasts for hours. Resists moisture. Dentures that fit are essential to health. See your dentist regularly. Get easy-to-use FIXODENT Denture Adhesive Cream. We're Sorry For The Inconvenience— But We're CLOSED TONITE for Inventory •We'll Be OPEN 9:30 AM WEDNESDAY * * * Central Hardware How to make your next paycheck bigger... without a raise. Like to increase your take-home by j. $30 to $100 a month? You can—and It's r easy—if you're one of the 40 million ' people now paying more than they really owe in tax withholding. Find out how to make your "raise" effective next payday, by filing a simple 8-line form. One of 39 articles and features In the SEPTEMBER READER'S DIGEST Star of HARVEST GOLD AVOCADO SREEK COIOHIAI COPPER SHOWCREST WHITE 100% Frost-Proof .-Jrmsx /Tom (>«riii(iiii(i Tho Flneit In Appliances *• F.ltv tronkj FRIGIDA1RE • ZENITH • MAGIC CHEF » SYLVANSA * Smart shoppers shop Telegraph ads before thev slicm and buy! 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