Ukiah Daily Journal from Ukiah, California on December 1, 1999 · Page 14
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Ukiah Daily Journal from Ukiah, California · Page 14

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Ukiah, California
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Wednesday, December 1, 1999
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Page 14
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14—WEDNESDAY, DEC. 1, 1999 THE UKIAH DAILY JOURNAL Time out Grandpa against adoption Dear Ann Landers: I am a 40-year-old professional woman, married to a wonderful man. After numerous failed attempts to become pregnant, we have decided to adopt two infants from China. The problem is my 74-year- old widowed father. I am his only child, and he is completely against our adopting children. Dad has told us repeatedly that if we go through with the adoptions, he will cut us out of his will and have no further contact with me or my husband. Ann, I have told my father that his money is not important to me, but I would like his approval so he can enjoy being a grandfather. He will not listen to anything I say,- and whenever we bring up the subject, he explodes in anger. We expect the adoption to go through within a few months. Should we continue to talk to Dad about this in the hope that he will change his mind, or should we just keep quiet? •• Betwixt and Between in the Midwest Dear B. and B.: It sounds as if Grampa's mind is not only closed, but nailed shut. Say nothing more about the subject. I'll bet when the child puts his chubby arms around Grampa's neck, he will thaw out. If this doesn't happen, don't press the issue. Just figure it is his loss. Dear Ann Landers: I'm tired of those West Coast grouches who think people who live in New York can't tell what time it is. They are angry when they get phone calls at 6 in the morning because some idiot on ANN LANDERS the East Coast can't figure out the time difference. Let me tell you what it feels like to be on the other side. When it is 9 p.m. in California, it is midnight in Maine. Strange as it may seem, we "numbskulls" (their term, not mine) are not anxious to chat with the nice folks on the West Coast at that hour. Most of us are asleep. We don't like the phone waking us up at such a ridiculous hour, but you don't hear us complaining to Ann Landers. Tell those sourpusses to try smiling instead. It's wonderful exercise for the face, and postpones wrinkling. -- Lorraine in Waterville, Maine Dear Waterville: I doubt that your letter will result in many smiles on the West Coast, but I'm sure you spoke for many readers on the East Coast, and I thank you. Please, folks, before you call someone in a different time zone, check with the operator if you aren't sure what time it is there. Dear Ann Landers: Several years ago, I enclosed this clipping from the Oregon Register- Guard when I sent out my Christmas cards to all my friends and relatives. They thought it was pretty funny, so now, I'm sharing it with you. I hope you will print it one of these days, maybe a few weeks before Christmas. -• Billie in Springfield, Ore. Dear Billie: Here is your contribution, which will appear well before Christmas. I hope the fruitcake lovers (I am not among them) won't be offended: An .American Express survey about Christmas gifts found that the fruitcake was chosen most often from a list of "worst" holiday gifts. It even finished ahead of "no gift at all," the second choice. Fruitcake was picked as the worst gift by 31 percent, "no gift" by 18 percent. Anything that has to be assembled was third on the list of bad ideas, followed by damaged gifts, another tie or blouse, and a gift that needs batteries but doesn't come with them. Have trouble sleeping at night and don't want to get involved in a novel? "A Collection of My Favorite Gems of the Day" is the perfect bed-stand mate. Send a self-addressed, long, business-size envelope and a check or money order for $5.25 (this includes postage and handling) to: Collection, c/o Ann Landers, P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, III. 60611-0562. CELEBRITIES BORN ON THIS DAY: Rick Savage, Julie Harris, Bryan Millard, Cathy Lee Crosby DEC. 2,1999 Happy Birthday: You can do it if you try. Nothing will stop you from reaching your goals this year if you are determined. You will have innovative ideas that are likely to lead to something concrete. Tie up loose ends quickly so that you don't find yourself dragging dead weight. Your numbers: 6, 13, 21, 34, 37, 45 ARIES (March 21-April 19): Your emotions will be unstable if you allow your partner to take you for granted. Secret love affairs or infatuations will be enticing. Be careful. This type of temptation could damage your reputation. 3 stars TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You will be able to pick up some valuable information if you are willing to listen to those with more experience. Be prepared to do some traveling to pursue your interests. 3 stars GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Older relatives may be a burden. Don't let them frustrate you. Take care of their needs quickly and get on -with your own plans. Sudden financial disruptions will limit your spending. 5 stars CANCER (June 21-July 22): Do something special with your mate. The stress you've both been under has caused disagreements. Put that behind you. You mustn't let others meddle in your personal affairs. 2 stars LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Unreliable individuals may try to borrow money from you. Give them sound advice, but certainly not financial assistance. Don't let anyone take you for granted. 4 stars VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Your position at home appears to be unsettled. Sit back and be observant. It is best not to instigate changes. Just be willing to accept the inevitable. Don't let children alter your plans. 3 stars LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Tempers will flare if you decide to put in overtime at work. Your partner is really tired of being neglected and having to pull your weight when it comes to domestic chores. 3 stars SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Short jaunts should be on your agenda. Your mate will be upset if you don't make special plans for two. Consider a trip to the slopes for a little skiing and some romancing by a nice hot fire. 3 stars SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): Your partner will be, emotionally unable to cope'.Try ' to take some time to listen to 1 his or her complaints and, in turn, do something appeasing. Don't overextend yourself in the process. 4 stars CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You will be in the mood for romance. Join in the festivities. You'll be surprised at the number of potential mates you meet. Someone from your past may try to waltz back into your life. 2 stars AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Don't push your luck if you have to deal with officials or institutions. Carelessness will lead to a series of mishaps. You are likely to be misinterpreted if you are the least bit evasive. 5 stars PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): You'll enjoy doing things with youngsters. Don't overspend. You can find things to do that won't break your budget. Don't let a lack of funds depress you.-3 stars Need advice? Check out Eugenia's Web sites at astroad- vice.com, eugenialast.com, astromate.com. Birthday Baby: You see, you do. Nothing will stand in your way once you have a goal in mind You are relentless, courageous and forthright in all that you pursue. You're a great team player with a strons will to succeed. 6 Did you know? BY L.M. BOYD The crocs that cry Q. Do crocodiles really cry? A. That they do. To get rid of excess salt. Through salt-excreting glands near their eyes. Saltwater crocs cry more than most. • Cormorants don't have external nostrils. • "Chrometophobia" is the fear of money. Never experienced that one. Maybe you have to get close to it. • The stride of a cheetah is the distance between successive imprints of the same paw. Maybe 25 feet. Awesome, no, that the cat can take four strides in one second? • If that footprint is more than 15 inches long, it was made by something inhuman, according to the monster mavens. STETSON • The first 10-gallon Stetson - called "Boss of the Plains" - was a modified Mexican sombrero with a leather strap hatband, a four-inch crown and a four-inch brim. It first was advertised as suitable to carry 10 "galions" meaning 10 ribbons. Philadelphia hat maker John B. Stetson, 35, put it on the market in 1865. That began the stylized garb of the stockmen. What real cowboys wore there- after wasn't necessarily what movies later depicted, but it was distinctively western clothing. • No, Goldie Hawn's father did not sign the original Declaration of Independence, but it's said he descended from a man who did. Q. Why is a "catbird" called a "catbird?" And where's its seat? A. That bird's cry in part sounds much like the meowing of a cat. Everybody knows about the legendary catbird seat, an imagined place of comfort and prominence. As for its whereabouts, it's not here. It's over there someplace. SERVANTS • Ninety-five-point-five percent of all servants are female. • Thought I clarified this: No, there aren't any mice in the Alaskan fishing village of Eek. • Skins of swans once had their uses, too. Until 1903, powder puffs were made out of them. Q. What's the only flower with black blossoms? A. Trick query. No flower has black blossoms. • Why don't you butter your waffle iron with a toothbrush? There are those who do. (c) Crown Syndicate, Inc., 1999 Newsday Crossword ACROSS 1 Chinese ships 6 Quietly understood 11 Bowie or Brady 14 Bridge bid, for short 15 Islam's God 16Yoko_ 17 The Agony and the Ecstasy author 19 ld_ 20 Nifty 21 At the summit 22 Convenience store 24 Actor Danson 25 CIA employee 26 Throne covering 28 Cut drastically, as prices 30 Baseball stat 32 The Ghost and Mrs._ 33 Tested in class 36 Helps out 37 The Tin Drum author 39 Leaving Las Vegas actress 41 Rubber products 42 Seep 43 Wks. and wks. 44 Like many kids' rooms 48 Takeout favorites 50 Crucial 52 However, briefly 53 Vehicle with runners 54_'Pea (fl^peyekid) 56 Small songbird 57 Had dinner 58 All This and Heaven Too author NATURALIST AUTHORS by R. Morris Edited by Stanley Newman 61 Yonder damsel 62 Hi-tech communication 63 Actor Guttenberg 64 Sponsor's spots 65 Contemptible 66 Speak DOWN 1 Knees and knuckles 2 Disentangle, as fishing line 3 The Sagebrush State 4 Work with yam 5 Peter, to Henry 6 Scrumptious 7 Sax range 8 Horse-on- pavement sound 9 Author Fleming 10 Bara of silents 11 '40s heavyweight champ 12 Tasteless 13Bon_ (witticism) 18 Wide opening 23 As a group 25 Avoid 26 Military training 27 Multiples of 43 Across 29 Extract juice 30 Poet Pound etal. 31 Rules of conduct, for short 34 News bits 35 Goose egg 37 Gas _ (inefficient cars) 38 troop group 39 Absorb, with "up" 40 Lifted up 45 Thoroughfare 46 Put away, for now 47 Thataway 49 Pertinent, in Latin 50 Jazz singer Smith 51 Sniggler's quarry 54 Examine in detail 55 Tory rival 56 Skater from Germany 57 "Eureka!" 59 Doc's grp. 60 Seminoles' sen. Answer to previous punle DROME F HI E AMON U RG SOU BEHB HQDEID CKUHDJ QDCJ FJDFJ QBEDQQDn OHD rjQQ DHBD DCDBOQ Hrjnn QELIOJ KEYS WME ALII • I|S|E|EI RAT ESSEN 12/1/99 CREATORS SYNDICATE 01999 STANLEY NEWMAN 12/1/99 These are the voyages of a desperate network By TED ANTHONY AP National Writer NEW YORK - "Star Trek" made a franchise out of going where no man has gone before. There are some places no one should go. Sadly, UPN went there anyway. It's hard to summon the words to convey dismay over "Ultimate Trek," UPN's latest in a series of increasingly desperate attempts to drum up interest in its floundering network. This one enlists "Seinfeld" star Jason Alexander to sustain an hour of bad one-liners and the thinnest of plots. ' ' ;: Is : it a parody? Is it a clip reel? It's almost impossible to tell. "Ultimate Trek" (airing tonight at 8 p.m. EST) doesn't know what it is. It bills itself as a funny, sentimental "tribute" to all things "Star Trek," yet it ends up being an unfunny, occasionally offensive hodgepodge that does nothing even to explain the attraction of "Star Trek," much less examine its optimism and thoughtfulness. The premise (and that's a generous word) is centered around an old standard - an anomaly in the space-time continuum. Seems that some hooey about the Y2K bug, coupled with a computer failure somewhere in the "Star Trek" studios, is threatening to disrupt the future - and the very fabric of the universe. The only man who can fix this rupture is Capt. James T. Kirk (Alexander, in a toupee even more obtrusive than Shatner's during the "T.J. Hooker" years). He must beam back to Earth 1999 (something even "Star Trek" technology doesn't allow) with Spock and Dr. McCoy (Jay Johnston and Dana Gould) to set things right. And somewhere along the way, we're expected to go online and vote for our favorite "Star Trek" episode. "Without our intervention, 'Star Trek' will cease to exist," Kirk/George Costanza/Alexander says in Shatnerian bursts. "We. Will. Cease. To. Exist." What ensues resembles something a "Star Trek" geek with a camcorder, a laptop and no significant other might produce. Off they go gallivanting across Los Angeles, talking 'into their'com- - rnunicators to a computer that sounds like a NASCAR announcer and making Shemp Howard jokes. Which, actually, is sort of appropriate; this is the way Moe, Larry and Shemp might have played Kirk, Spock and Bones. The acting is horrendous even if you assume it's being played for comedy. The entire thing is shot on video, lending a "Saved by the Bell" sheen to the whole affair. And Alexander et al. are sweating visibly through their Starfleet-issue velour tunics, which hide paunch no better in 1999 than Shatner's did in 1968. The worst part of all, sadly, is the way the clips are presented. It's difficult to simply "quote" clips without their context in the first place, but this is absurd. Unless you're a "Trek" obsessive, many of the choices will mean nothing to you. And even those who can cite each clip by episode might well be disap- pointed at their presentation. '••% The producers fall victim to; something any fan at a "Star" Trek" convention has experi- J enced: Take away the contexT and the nuance, and much of it looks ridiculous. The media gravitates toward the growling Klingons and the blue Andori- ans, and everyone comes off looking like freaks. The message. of "Star Trek" - tolerance 1 , thoughtfulness and a sense of possibility about the future'is; lost. This is demonstrated in a clip of Avery Brooks, who playe$ •Capt. Benjamin Sisko in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine,'; Brooks, a talented and multidi-. menst of a narrative, it summoned tears; as a clip, it's simply' painful to watch. .';, The only clip sequence that really works is the touching trrr> ute to DeForest "Bones" Kelley, who died earlier this year. Unfortunately, it's marred by a taste" less and offensive death scene by Dana Gould that is designed to be funny but is just plain naus'eS ating. Ij Granted, Alexander does havfe his moments as Kirk, especial!^ when he contorts his face into 5 Shatnerian sneer. It's most$ grating; even the segment ot bloopers is poorly compiled. -^ It's easy to watch this sho$ and feel sorry for Alexanderi himself an avowed Trekkie who. recently appeared on an episode- of "Star Trek: Voyager." But h| was executive producer of thi| ill-fated extravaganza, so ha bears at least some of the resporij sibility. 3

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