8 — WEDNESDAY, MAY 5, 1993 BEETLE BAILEY -THE UKIAH DAILY JOURNAL- By Mort Walker PL/XL EX VO HAVE A PAPEf? CLIP? 6OOPNES6, I HAVE HUNPREPS/ ME PRE UP THE SILLIEST EXCUSES TO TALK T<9 ME BLONDIE By Dean Young and Jim Raymond CHILI ANP THANK CHEESE < VERY MUCH OMELETTE V/HATS JX~ 9EEP TODAY'S STRINSENOU3H SPECIAL CALVIN AND HOBBES By Bill Watterson UOBBES, ML WE TC> DO HOW IS VMT FOR. TUE JUDGES PDSTtR FIRST BE ROU.WG MOOIAU AND PRESTIGE. tW KHOVi, YE KEAvVtf OJSUT TO ENTER MQ«E CONTESTS. I NENtR REM\ZED HOV4 WvJCU WN \T y&F OONT THE< on, M.REMN?/ HOW PEOPLE ARE. THEX QNLS GREATNESS AUTHOR\V< CONFIRMS IT. BUT WE mi, AND THEH EVERSONE WU- HWl GREAT VIE Mi£. BUT HE HNXEH'T yen FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE By Lynn Johnston HOUSE WHflTUXUDWE EVER HAGAR THE HORRIBLE By Dik Browne PEANUTS By Charles M. Schulz WHAT VIDONT ARE vou ( KNOW WATCHING? I MEAN, I KNOW WHAT I'M WATCHIN6,0UT I PON'T KNOW WHAT'S 60IN6 ON lOELUACTuALLY, I KNOW WHAT'S 60IN6 ON, BUT I'VE SORT OF LOST TRACK.. WHY 15 BARNEY PURPLE ? THE BORN LOSER By Art & Chip Sansom Children often smarter than we think Dear Ann Landers: Several years ago, I divorced my wife, "Bea," for "indignities and contemptuous behavior." Translated into more simple terms, it means she slept with almost every male in town. She was a beautiful woman, and men found her irresistible. When Bea died, I was .surprised to learn that she had named me executor of her estate. She was a former model, an excellent figure skater and even better on skis. In her desk, I found four "little black books." There are at least 200 names and phone numbers of men who lived in England, Switzerland, New York, Canada, Michigan, Vermont, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Illinois, Vail, Aspen, California and one in Bangkok. I also found the following note which must have just about killed her. It was written by our son when he was 13. It read, "Mom, you are a hippokrit. I saw what you and Carl were doing on the couch when I came home from school yesterday. I love Dad, but I guess you don't." Since her death, our son, "Don," has mentioned his mother only once — to tell me that he thought I did the right thing when I divorced her.. Don is in counseling and attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings — to comply with a court order. Warn your readers who are cheating that their children will be the first to catch on. Like my son, Ann Landers Letters to Ann Landers should be mailed to P.O. Box 11562, Chicago, III. 60611-0562 they may be torn between conflicting loyalties and turn to alcohol and self-destructive behavior. Think about this, please. IVe thought about it plenty. — South Jersey Dear S.J.: Children always know more than you think, especially about things you'd prefer to keep secret. Thanks for the evidence. Dear Ann Landers: This is in response to "B.P. in Hollywood, Ha.," who complained that if he spent $100,000 on "tramps" and wrote it off as a business expense, it was OK. But if he gave his lovely daughter more than $10,000, the Internal Revenue Service would sock it to him. As a tax accountant, I hear a lot of complaints about the IRS. However, both you and B.P. are blaming the wrong people. The IRS does not make the tax laws. It enforces the laws written by Congress and signed by the president Unfortu- nately, once those laws are enacted, everyone blames the IRS. If you and B.P. want to complain about the tax laws, write to your congressmen and your U.S. senators. They are the ones responsible for the tax laws, and they are the ones who can make changes. Also, if B.P. plans to deduct $100,000 for "business expenses, he had better keep copies of all the receipts along with the name of the bimbo he wined and dined, the name of her company and the purpose of all those "meetings." The law, as enacted by Congress, specifically requires this information to document the deduction. Assuming B.P. can provide this documentation, only 80 percent of the amount is deductible. If enacted, President Clinton's tax proposals will drop this to 50 percent. — San Francisco Accountant Dear San Fran: According to Newsweek, when President Carter left office, there was a deficit of $78.9 billion. After eight years of President Reagan, the deficit was $212.3 billion. After four years of President Bush, the deficit is up to $331.8 billion. Somebody has to pay for this. That "Somebody" is you and me, bub. And, let us not forget it is Congress who OK'd the expenditures. Gem of the Day: If you had your life to live over again, you'd need more money. What's your sign? Astrological horoscope ar« (or •nlarUlnmant purposes only. cffirthday May 6, 1993 In the year ahead, you might develop two discrete, separate circles of friends. One group might be established at your workplace, while the other will be purely social. TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Your judgment might be slightly impaired today owing to the absence of your usual optimistic attitude. Evaluate situations realistically, not only negatively. Get a jump on life by understanding the influences which are governing you in the year ahead. Send for Taurus' Astro-Graph predictions today by mailing $1.25 plus a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to Astro-Graph, c/o this newspaper, P.O. Box 4465, New York, NY 10163. Be sure to state your zodiac sign. GEMINI (May 21 -June 20) Don't rely solely upon your memory today regarding prpce-. dures lor performing a complicated task. Prepare a step-by-step fact sheet to which you can refer. CANCER (June 21-July 22) It is best not to try to hide anything from people with whom you're involved in a joint venture. It is bound to surface, and it could cause you embarrassment when it does. LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) Do not make any major decisions today without first consulting your mate, and vice versa. Each of you will be angered if you are left out of the process. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) There is a possibility you might repeat a mistake today that previously caused you problems. This is a self-inflicted wound that can be avoided. LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 23) You are a fair manager of your resources today, but you might become involved with some people who aren't. Their influence could bring you down to their level. SCORPIO (Oct. 24-Nov. 22) If you do not have control over your affairs today, you might end up feeling as though you are . being pulled and tugged in different directions just to appease others. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23-Dec. 21) This is one of those days where you might find yourself in a no-win situation. The more you'll do for others, the more they'll expect from you, and the less they're apt to do in return. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) Think very carefully today before making a friend a long-term loan. There is a chance it could jeopardize the relationship if it isn't paid back on schedule. AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 19) Your friends still like you, but they might not have as much time for you today as they usually do. Pals who are normally supportive might be looking the other way when you need them. PISCES (Feb. 20-March 20) Decisions you make today that are predicated upon your emotions instead of your logic could prove to be unwise. Evaluate matters in a detached manner. ARIES (March 21-April 19) A strain might develop today in a relationship that you have always deemed secure., T.ry to get to the root cause of the problem so that it can be alleviated as quickly as possible. POP CULTURE By Steve McGarry Afflicted with otoactonwte, a rare disease that results in deafness, Frank* Valll memorized the Four SMMO/M' repertoire so that he could sing on stage without hearing the group play their music. By 1980; surgical procedures had advanced sufficiently enough to convince him to undergo the three delicate operations that restored his hearing. Spot the following "tour*" : a) re-make of a 1939 classic film stars SMC Bridget, Robart Powell and Jane Seymour b) topped the charts in 1955 with "Low /• A Many-Splarulond Thing" c) '50s TV show with Jack Hawklna, Dan Dallay and Richard Conta d) Benton, Fakir, Payion and Stubbt © 1993 bv NEA Inc ® i»»j oy NtA, inc. sdoj.jnoj (p .uonwrwj. (o sveqtvw ft .SMUIMJ jnoj em. fe :CMM*UV FRANK & ERNEST By Bob Thaves YOU ARE, WITHOUT A DOUBT, CCWEWTOOUS, OVERBEARING, POW'OUS, COATED, COULD EVER HAVE THE DISPLEASURE OF WORKING FOR! R.WVEE6UFE5TER PREIDENT 0 \WA6lNUISOFFICe OFCOORSe YOU THINK. * IK NUTi OR SOMETHING? IT'S NOT TH/JT * " H/ITfc ALLEY OOP By Dave Graue and Jack Bender ROBOTMAN By Jim Meddick ...AN 1 THEY NEVER EVEN TOUCHED TH WEB/ EVIDENTLY OUR FRIENDS WORKED THEIR WAV ACROSS ON THOSE... TH' ONE THING I CANT \ I HAD \--.UNJJLTKCATN FIGURE IS HOW TH 1 GANG I TROUBLE \ SROTTEP TWO WE'RE CHASING CROSSED/WITH THAT J VINBS STRUNG THI6 THING WITHOUT < MVSELF, /ACgOSSWeC RIUNG UP THAT SPIDER! hSUZ... lUMnBUiMCTH TH COME! 1'Ll W TO WELCOME TO 6B-BL, WP.SPDT-, I'fA HAVING \CON\PLETELV TR008LE \MYINSTlMCTS. CONTROLLING You COULP ELABORATE. OiAfcACOC T ^NB wtnNlCoCi X. A sLV SOfpR&SS \ JCTS. PERHAPS LP ELABORATE. OVERWHELMING PKIPCTO BAT OUR HOST ARDUNP THE FLOOR WITH IWY FOP6PAWS. CAPTAIN, IPD BELIEVE THAT 0E TO ARLO & JANIS By Jimmy Johnson YOUKWOWWHYir &TIU exieffc? PLAY6R6' UWIOU/, y WINTHROP By Dick Cavalli MY F/WORITE SHACK IS PIZZA...VvHATfe FAVORITE* ; 9 WM W NCA. Me 4-S CARROT STICK© AND RADISH ROSETTE©. ( SOMETIMES I THINK. I ewe MueT e>E FROM \xVNOTHeR. PU/NET.
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