The Hutchinson News from Hutchinson, Kansas on June 30, 1923 · Page 21
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The Hutchinson News from Hutchinson, Kansas · Page 21

Hutchinson, Kansas
Issue Date:
Saturday, June 30, 1923
Page 21
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SATURDAY, JUNE 30, 1923 THE HUTCHINSON NEWS. PAG II FIVE. Ring Reveals How He Won the Tournament Got« Buzzard IOC on the First Round—Name the Ball and You Hit'Em Harder, He Findi. BY RING W. LARDNER I. 1 To the editor: , SOT Uh« Oast .1 or I wks. I been bo- •soochod by hundreds of admire* and rolatlvos to boar the facts ln« regnnta to the Memorial day golf club, Great Keck, Long Island. At tlho time this tournament was played 1 felt like It WBB best to keep the results a secret as the publication of Biimo would, of meant considerable expense to the wlnnor paying for collect telegrams of congratulation. So >whon the final putt had boon missed 1 rushed to a telephone booUh oud called up tho different newspapers and told them that I had win tho championship of Class C but please to keep It off Page 1 as It might crowd out some Important item like how many poJiceinens had took part in tho Memorial Day parndo at Pough- kcepsle. Well all do newspapers not only respected my wishes but went further and left It out of tho papur entirely and so tho subscribers has been on, ' lender •hoo'ks •wondering did 1 yrin or loose and thoy has been ono case reported wihere a man murdorod his . wile with, an oyster knife after being drove crazy by his failure to find out . tlio results of tha Memorial day tournament at SouudrleV, Well friends over a mo. has lapsed ' since I winahe tournament and In that time I havoVorgol. what I done on ono or two oS tin; G'5 holes match play "which it tooli mo Vo win tho touma- tnent^o will not he able to give a accurate acct: of same but will halt to he-content with a gen. outline of same as recorded In my memory. Slip Three Off His Handicap. Well the qualifying rd. was played on Saturday the 26th of May and I started orf with a eagle 10 on'the 1st. hole and an owl !> on the 3d. hole and anyway I win tho lTth -v^lth a hoot, owl 7 and we come to tho final hole •with Mr. Scbwob one flown. > Another big gallery was setting around the 18th. green most of them asleep. The both of us was on in 3 but my 1st. putt acted silly and loft me 5 ft. from the cup,. I was down In 6 and you can imagine my horror when MT. Schwob missed a 2 footer which would of give htm a 5 and made us all even. One of the tournament committee was standing nQkrby. 'If you had of made that putt," be said to Mr. Sctiwob, "you would of had to play 18 more holes." "Maybe that is why 1 missed it," said Mr. Scbwob as we both swooned. On the 17th. green the gallery become s so annoying that I chased him into, a goph er hole. "Maybe that is why I missed) It,"- said Mr. Schwob as we both swooned. • finely wound up with a buzzard 106. Tilts jdvo me u net. 81 as my handicap was 2fi nntl 1 had nnallfu'd in Ola^s 1> which iviifl for bakl -lica'deil M 'o]h.'r.-? with l)(j !UlirapM from 2. r . to .'{(>. You can itsKiL-ine my -aipprii-o whon I wont out for my 1st. match on the Sunday A. M. and found myself in flans V with a hMiMik 'jjp of 22. Somothhii; 1 dnnp at dinner or Play lug, bridge tho. evening bofurn bad reached tiio cais of thi; hiindiciip coni mlttee and caused ihem lo t-Jlp : stroke*: off the old handicap. .Well my ltt, match way with Mr Cooper and I stnrtod off again wilh a 10 which >(ad practically became my 1 pnr nn No. 1. Wo halfeil No. 2 and my oppt. win No. 3 though I sank a long putt for a 8. This made him 2 up and only 16 to go but on tin; next 3 or 4 holes he weakened hlturfblf laughing and Ihe match wound up on the 15th. green. " My oppt. of the V. M. was Mr. Al Wrixht and 1 also win from him on the 15th. green. 1 WM lucky to win from both these gents as 1 catched them off there game as neither of them could, get there 4th. niblick shot working. "Anonymous" Bali Gets Walloping. Memorial Day loomed bright an early. My oppt. for the seml-tlnals was 1)e Rossott. They was no advantage on neither side as our handicaps was hotl> 22 and -we both been-to a' party Hie night before. j J5ut tho 1st. nine holes was RO crowded that-abey made us start on ,\'n. 10 and this spoiled the doom of my oppt. as it meant 1 would have '.> hole* under my belt before coming to' the poison holes on tho let nine. T was ono down at. th. 1 turn hut on the way from tho ISth. pn-en to (heist, tee I happeued to think of a Idear sprang the day before by John Ool- den. -a "Listen,Kaid Mr. tloldvii, "if a portion had go!f hails named . after pco- ple they na.tecl. why they would hit. tlicm a whole lot harder.'' Well 1 couldn't think of • nobody 1 hated named Ihinlop, Krolliie, Silver King or Why Not but the postman had broughten mo a letter Tuesday which was a anonymous loiter and the letter said in it that everything I had ever wrote was rotten and why and the. he -11 did I not. quit trying to write and drive a. dray. "Listen." I says to my tioblo caddy look In my bag and see if they's ball without no name signed to It." Sure enough he. found one ami wil 'leave IMo Mr. I)e Kosaett If I did not make No. 1 In 3 strokes or " under my par. From then on the anonymous match coKapaed on the Sth. green with me 2 up. Gallery Is Chased Into Hole. Memorial Day P. M. loomed bvif.'h and early anil with it come the fina rd. between I and Jules Schwob. Mr. Schwob is the husband of Florcnc Moore ttie comedienne. Personally am Just the husband of a Indiana glr though sometimes she Is funny too. If the tad. of governors would of stood, this match woulcl-ot been Played w'fth be.ifr bottle* but they made us get out. there and with 1 holes already under my belt I romp'* in with the 1st. hole in 4 and was ^ up coming to the Sth. toe. Then m arches fell down on me and at th i end of the 10th. hole the match wa al! square. ; OH tho ITIh green llu> gallery he- come fo EiimoyinL: that 1 chased, him , into a gopher hole. I it was Mr. Si'iiwohs honor and 1 nrnyc-vi silenily riut; he would not ] drive into the thick woods which skirts the fainvtiy on the left hut my I prayers \v;is unanswered. The bail was a lost b.'ill arid for t, minutes, we ] and _ raddles hiintel for if. ono of : us with our eyes shut* 1 might of ' said drot) another without no penalty but It would of been vs. the rules. So Great Neck, Long Island, June 2!>, Copyright, 1923, by the Bell Syndicate, Inc. PORTUGUESE ACE PLANS TO STUDY U. S. AIR METHODS A BIG PROGRAM FOR ARTILLERY Loc«J Battalion Will Help Shoot N Away 48,000 Rounds of Ara-1 munition. There will be plenty of ehootlng and athletic events at the encampment of thi Kansas National guard at It. Riley during tho mouth of August, according to late Information received from Adjutant General II. Neill Kahn. Extensive programs have been arranged for the field artillery units which will bo in camp from August 2 to IB, nnd for tho Infantry and other organisations which will he In camp from August 17 to 31. In addition to theso events, the artillery will draw from the federal government this year 48,000 rounds of ammunition for ItH maneuver:! and these Along with 4,000 rounds already In tho guard will be used. This, General Hahn said, is tho most elaborate firing program ever staged by tho Kansas ghard. The Infantry also will get iis full of; firing, the amount of ammunition sl-j lotted to it exceeding that of any previous year. In review of thoRe attractions re-j milling In the guard ranks is coming along in fine shnpo and the 3,000 men and officers now enlisted are expected to roach at least 6,000 before the first of August, General Rahn said today. Btg Athletic Progratru. Dashes, relay races, shot putting and other ordinary field events along with boxing and wrestling for tho various weights will feature the athletic programs. Tent pitching, equipment races and other army events also will be held and, of course, there will be baseball garow galore. One event on each of the athletic programs i-a a. baseball distance throwing contest. Twenty-three events have been arranged for tho artillery camp ami twenty -one for the Infantry. Tho program for tho artillery encampment includes the following events, given In the order in which they appear on tho tentative oohedulo as arranged at guard iHKidquarters here: One hundred yard dash, 220-ynrd ds«li, one-half mile relay race, high jump, shot put. 16 pound, broad jump, hop. step ami Jump, Javelin throw, baseballo ilislnneo throw, pyramidal tent pi'ching men), equipment race, Un man), driving coolest, hitch-up contest, handball elimination tournament, boxing 1170 pounds and up. ISO to 170 pounds. 1.15 to ISO pounds, and'bolow 13.". pounds), wrest- ; ling, (170 pounds nnd up, 150 to 170 pounds, and below 150 pounds ) Cups to the Winners. Cups will be awarded the. winners in the tug-o-wnr. driving contest, hitch- up contest, and baseball tourney. Medals will go to the victors in the wrestling and boxing contorts. The schedule for the Infantry ami other unils is Identical with thot ot the artillery, except that the driving and hitching up contests have been omll led. Tlolaiivo to ibe unusually large program of artillery and rifle firing which will ho done by the guard this summer, General Hahn said that present plann were lVr the holding oT twelve [ "jo-nbleius" ),y the artillery units. The.^c problems ure now being drawn | and will be suhmilted to the reglmenl- . al commrtirli rs immediately after tba gnunl ttocs Into c.imp. Captain Cabral. Captain Cabral, Portu-guese uacil aviator who flew across the Atlantic from Lisbon to Rio de ,Iauer 'Vi L now Is on hiH way to America to study- aviation methods here. , s Character records are to he kept by ftipon College in Wisconsin to enable the college to curry out Its plan of limiting student attendance to &00. It will be used as a basis of recommendation of the students in the varied activities of life. Good habits, loyalty, industry, iniative, good manners, respect, for law and property value, good campus citizenship, and geneiul good behavior will be credited to the student. ABE MARTIN On Idle Club Women One o' th' commonest expressions 1 we hoar thoso times is 'Idle club women." Next t' an eastbound hobo we don't know o' notltln' that's as busy ae a club woman. Ther' might possibly bo an idle woman butt into u club here an' there, jest tli' same as wo find uonproducers an' neglpc- tors 6' families in all men's organizations. But th' rog'lar clubwoman Is a busy person. She's gut t' cover a lot o' territory In a day, an' koop her ball- from oomin' down, an' her nose powdered, ano her heels darned up, an' look prosofttable an' Intellectual at all times, A plain housewife gits a brentbln' spell now an' then un' don't have t' keep dolled up an' hooked t'gether, an' her 'phone don't ring ail th' time, she kiu go about her dustin' an' stirrlu' an' scrapie.' ..without ben' absorbed In some national ISBUO, or Important committee work. Sho puts In lb' greater part o' th' afternoop straigihtenin' th' porch ,/ali' propaj'ln' a heavy nieal let a big late husband, while th' "idle club woman" Is tearln' all over town put- tin' ever' drop o' energy into Borao gl-. gsntic raovemont for th' benefit o' th' whole town, or state, or nation, an' not infrequently th' whole world. Th' "idle club woman" may have a feny childreny but she's not at home nag- gin' 'em all day. A "laiy club woman" Is a woman who has kept her mental faculties alert an' on th' Job thou»li married, who has made^bread while her mind wnz absorbed' In blgoer things, who has washed dishes an' friod liver an' threBhed out great momentous questions all at th' same time. Suppose a business or professional man Jest refused t" git Interest en; in anything but his private business Instead o' londln' some of ^is pep an' influence t' important civic an* political affairs'.' Women are pocu- •intly Sttefc t' put things over an' we're fer lettto' 'em o"o all of It they kin. "Why hain't that'woman at home?" we hear so much. It's nobuddy's business but her own.. Why Uali't lota o' HA IGURA HEALS RD PIMPLE" Festered and Scaly, itched So Could Not Sleep. " My face Btarted breaUUiR out with blackheads and pimples. The pimptea were hard and red and would fester, and Rftu Ihey tesicTcd they became eca!y and looked, terrible. SoAie nights they would itch so I could hardly sleep. My face was badly disfigured and I was ashamed to go anthers. ^" A relative advised me to UQC Cuticura Soap and Ointment so i sent faT a free sample. I purchased move, and after using five cakea of Cuticura Soap and three boxes of Cuticura Ointment I waa healed." (Signed) MiaB Helen Young, 843 HoUowoy St., Akron, Ohio. Rely on Cuticura Soap, Ointment and Talcu;n to care for your skin. Bimpli Etch Tit* by Hill. AilJr **A- "daticaii Lai. erVArWt DtpVH, Unlim *», UMI.' fin\ii tvrry wh^rw. JToapac. Oltilmintiio »nJ Wo. Tilc -Jmlia HJBF^Cuticura SOMJ> shaves without mug COULD HARDLY DO HE Lydia E.Pinkham's Vegetable Com pound Made Her Eat, Sleep and Feel Better Every Way men la their offices, or at work? Club women belong t' th' times. They're part o' th' new order o' thing?, an' we expect ther homes look as neat a lots o' dreogln' jacket homes. An' we don't believe in pityln' their husbands. We never hear of a prominent club woman's husband applyin' fer a divorce., but we do hear o' lota o' poor hoodwinked wives o' club meu. WoSl never hear o' some in en It the'r wives didn' git out an' "wake up th' town up an' start things t* goin'. Anyway wc^nevcr hear anything about th' buabamlB o' "iillo dub women" anyhow, so they must like it, or' ttiere'tt be Bomethin' doin". We admire th' "idle club woman" when her hair Is done rap nifty, an' she'S belted up an' militant lookln.' Wo like her 'cause she's alert an' posted an' puts things across, an' becauto she's euuuKh of a general t" keep help so she kin clean up an' git out. an' keepthiiiKS ijiovlo'. Copyright National Newspaper Service. . Chicago, IU.—" I w.ia weak and rundown and in such a nervous condition that I could hardly do my work. I was tired all the time, and dizay, and could not sleep and had no appetite. I tried different medicines for [years, but they did not help me. Then I read in thepapera ; about Lydia E.Pink- ham'a Veg$ table Compound and what | _ lit had done for other women and gave It a trial. I began to oat ! better and could sleep, and consider it a { wonderful medicine. I recommend H to ray friends and will never be without it." —Mrs. M. pHLW, 8640 S. Marshfield Ave., Chicago, Illinois. It ts such letters as theM that testify to the value of Lydia E. Pinkham'a Vegetable Compound. This woman Bpeakairom the fullnesB of her heart. Sha^describes as correctly as sho can her "condition, first the symptoms that botherod her the most, and later tho disappearance of those symptoms. It j ia a sincere expression of gratitude. For nearly fifty years Lydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound has beea | to praised by women.

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