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WEDNESDAY MARCH 15, 1899, to Get then*. Her mother—Don't fret about dia tnonds, child. How can you expec every thing with ag-ood hvtsband? She—Botlier the husband! 1,000,000 Sailors From One Ship. /The United States receiving ship Vermont, now over 50 years old, ha be"- the school house for over 1.000.001 Bailors. The nge nnd accomplishment! are much the same as Hostetter'i Rtomach Hitters, which has been be foi-e the public for SO years, and ha cured innumerable cases of malarin fever and ague, besides dyspepsia am Indigestion. \. .Japan values silver at 33 to 1, Russia 82. to 1, India 24 to 1, and Ecuador 30.C tol. MRS. COOPER. The Most Famous Sculptress In the World, Entirely Cured by Fe-ru-na Mrs. M. C. Cooper of the Royal Academy of Arts, London, England, is un doubtedly one of the greatest living sculptors. She has modeled busts o half the nobility of England, and is now in Washington making busts o distinguished Americans. Mrs. Cooper has just completed a bust of Mrs. Belva Lockwood, which is now in the Mrs. M. C. Cooper. •'"•••' Corcoran Art Gallery. Ruskin, the "great artist.placed Mrs. Cooper as one of tlie greatest sculptors and painters '.. of this century. Mrs. Cooper is an ardent friend of Pe-ru-na and in a letter .• dated January 26, written from Washington, says the following: "I take pleasure in recommending Pe-ru-na lor catarrh and la grippe. I have suffered-for months and after the use of one bottle of Pe-ru-na am entirely well."—Mrs. M. C. Cooper. Send., for a free book on catarrh entitled "Health and Beauty." This book is written especially for women, and will be found to be of great value to • every woman. Address Dr. Hartman, Columbus, O. : At a sick bed and at a funeral, women are always superior to men. Atheistic arguments are but the whistling of cowards in the dark. Consumption Do not think for a single moment that consumption will ever strike you a sudden blow. It does not come that way. It creeps its way along. First, you think it is a little cold; nothing but a little hacking cough; then a little loss in weight; then a harder cough; then the fever and the night sweats. The suddenness comes when you have a hemorrhage. Better stop the disease while it is yet creeping. You can do it with Pectoral You first notice that you cough less. The pressure on the chest is lifted. That feeling of suffocation is removed. A cure is hastened by placingone of Dr. Ayer's Cherry Pectoral Plaster over the Chest. A Book Free* It is on the Diseases of the Throat and Lungs. Wi-Ho u» Ffaaly, It you have any complaint whatever and desire the best medical advice you can posalb'y receive, write the doctor] freely. You trill receive ui>roinptrenly.J •Withoutcost. Address, «••*•*!• PB J. 0, AYER, iowell, Maei. t Spalding's Tracl© Mark' Means "Standard of Quality" on Athletic Goods Insist upon Spalding's Handsome Catalogue Free. A, O. SPALDING & BKOS. ,New York. Chjoogo. Penver. OUR BUDGET OF FUN, SOME COOD JOKES, ORIGINAL AND SELECTED. ft. Variety of Jokes—Glboi and tronlet, Original ami Selected—Flotsam nnd Jetsam from the Tide of Humor—• Witty Sayings. A Back Ynrcl They met on top of the backyard fence—an unconventional place— ' And each one felt rather shy, upon see- Ing the other's face. "I didn't know that the fence was yours; Do you live in the big house there?" But the little girl hugged her pussy cat, And gave him a vacant stare. "I've got a beautiful dog." said he, with a look full of scorning at The bundle of gray that the small girl held— Her beautiful pussy cat. And then the little girl found her tongue— "Pussy can scratch and bite, And if your dog is worth anything, Why couldn't they have a fight?" The llttlo boy grinned from ear to ear; It wasn't the thing to do, But maybe you would have grinned yourself, If the little boy'd been you. "He'll kill your cat, but if yoA don't cara It'll bo all right with me." And he went to fetch the dog, with a heart That was brimming o'er with glee. Then at It they new, with teeth and claws, And the little boy cried, "It's fun," Till he saw the cat was beating his dog, Who'll nothing to do but run. "Now, isn't he bravo?" the little girl laughed, As she klcke-l her heels on the fence. And tho little boy felt two Inches tall And dreadfully short of sense. Then down ho climbed, In his own backyard, And the world felt very fiat, And he wished instead of a frightened dog, He had owned a pussy cat, But such is the way of the world, alas, And you'd best be sure you're right, When you make a statement, but, best of all, Keep out of a backyard flght! —Mary Brent Whlteslde. It YTas All Right. "I hear Tom was well insured." "Yes, we've that comfort, anyhow! The poor dear's worth more dead than he ever was alive."—Ally Sloper. A Sure Thine. "I dunno's I kin git my money jack," said Mr. Corntossel, as he ruefully rubbed his brow; "but I must say as how I ain't going to recommend any customers to that concern." "Have you been making investments?" "I sent a dollar to a man who advertised that he would tell a sure way to make money fast." "Didn't you get any answer?" "Yes. He says, 'Put glue on it.' "— Washington Star. Eliciting; the Ftictg. "How long have you been married, Mrs. Ashleigh?" "Eleven years. You wouldn't believe it, would you?" "Not after seeing your husband." "He is so young. The fact is that we ran away from school together and, were wedded." 'Oh. Then he must have been ono of those boys we read about who are always falling in love with their teachers."—Chicago News. Competent Judge. Mr. McCall—That'sh unquestionably the fines' punch-bowl I've sheen today. Miss Young—I consider your approval a very great compliment, Mr. McCall, for I'm sure you must have seen almost a hundred!—The Jewelers' Weekly. The Chaplain at Oiudurman. Alongside one of the English battalions rode the Presbyterian chaplain, mounted—oh, tell it not in the kirk, neither publish it among the elders—• upon a looted pony!—From the "Down-, lall of the Dervishes." FREE TO MILLIONS A Vulnable tittle Book Sent IFreo tot the Medical books are not always Interesting reading, especially to people enjoying good health, but as a matter of fact scarcely one person in ten Is perfectly healthy, and even with such, sooner or later sickness must come. It Is also a well established truth that nine-tenths of all diseases originate with a breaking down of the diction, a weak stomach weakens and impoverishes the system, making it easy for disease to gain a foothold. Nobody need fear consumption, kidney disease^ liver trouble or a weak heart and nervous system as long as the digestion is good and the stomach able to assimilate plenty of wholesome food. Stomach weakness shows Itself In a score of ways, and this little book describes the symptoms and causes and points the way to a cure so simple that anyone can understand and apply. Thousands have some form of stomach trouble and do not know it. They ascribe the headaches, the languor, nervousness, insomnia, palpitation, constipation and similar symptoms to some other cause than the true one. Get your digestion on the right track and the heart trouble, lung trouble, liver disease or nervous debility will rapidly disappear. This little book treats entirely on the cause and removal of indigestion and its accompanying annoyances. It describes the symptoms of Acid Dyspepsia, Nervous Dyspepsia, Slow Dyspepsia, Amylaceous Dyspepsia, Catarrh of Stomach and all affections of the digestive organs in plain language easily understood,, and the cause removed. It gives valuable suggestions as to diet, and contains a table giving length of time required to digest various articles of food, something every person with weak digestion should know. No price is asked, but simply send your name and address plainly written on postal card to the F. A. Stuart Co , 151 Main St., Marshall, Mich., requesting a little book on Stomach Diseases and it will be sent promptly by return mail. "Funny you never find a college man behind the bar." "No; they are more likely to be in front," The farm referred to in the article from the Review of Ucvicws, headed "Profits in A<rriculture," printed in another column, is that of William P. Adams, located near Odebolt. It was formerly the property of H. C. Wheeler. A registering- machine, in use in one of the banks of New York city, records in the depositor.*' pass book the amount deposited or withdrawn, and also simultaneously records the transaction on a tape which remains locked in the machine. Not Bad. Rounder—1 asked Sourby to say a good word for me, and Townder—What did he say? Rounder—O Lord! Confjlilnp Lenrtn to Connnrnptlon. Kemp's Balsam will stop the cough at once. Go to your druggist to-day and get a sample bottle free. Sold in 25 and 50 cent bottles. Go at once; delays are dangerous. Some women ma try for money, and get nothing but love. There Is n Class of 1'eopte Who are injured by the use of coffee. Recently there hns'benn placed in all the grocery stores a new preparation called GKA1N-O, made of pure grains, that takes the place of coffee. The most delicate stomach receives it without distress, and but few can tell it from coffee. I*, does not cost over one- fourth as much. Children may drink it with great benefit. 15 cents and 25 cents per package. Try it. Ask for GRA1N-O. It's well to begin at the top of the ladder nnd go down—in case of flrfl. •\VAXTKB-Cnsc. of 1>nd hp.nlth Hint Tt-T P-A-Jf-S will not liciictH. Send 5 cents tn lilpmis Chemical Co., New York,for ID samplCH nnil LOW testimonial* It is surprising how well a liotucly girl looks in a picture. Learning oft makes as many mistakes as ignorance. Coo's Corifrli Itulsnm Is the olilcft mid lieat. Kwlil hrcnk up n cold quicker than anything else. It Is always reliable. Try H. ,Yon must be methodical in order to stive money. Dully 1'npor for Kjtl a Your. Tho Dps Moluos Unlly News, with nil the news of lown nnil tho world, telegraphic nun-kola, n clill- tli'en'H department, wuiimn'n pngn, etc., Is sent, lo nny iioili-i'ss for $1 a your, rii rants for nix months, fill cents for Uircn months. JAcptils a month. Address THIS NKWH, Jles Molnes, Iowa. Why is it that even the most honest of us exults at the chance to "get ahead" of nuy railroad regulation? TO CUKJU A COMJ!N ONE DAY Tnlto Laxative 13romo Quinine Taljlots. All ariiKpistH refund tho money if It fails to euro. 25o. Tho genuine has U 13. Q. on each tablet. The native women of Hawaii arc expert riders nnd swimmers, and acquire both accomplishments at, 1111 early age. They all ride astride, sit perfectly erect, dud dash like the wind over the roughest roads. A peculiar death came to Carl Hosmer, of Betlaire, Mich. lie was saw- ng down a hollow tree, and his saw being short, he went inside the tree and continued his work. The tree fell ind crushed him. THANKFUL TO MKS, HNKHAM, Earnest Words From Women Who Have Seen —Mrs. Piakham Warns Against Neglect. l&ftfe&dfcft DEAR MBS. PINKHAM :—I have been thankful a thousand times, since I wtote you, for what your Vegetable Compound has done for me. 1 followed your ad* Vice carefully, and now I feel like a different person. My troubles were backache, headache, nervous tired feeling-, painful menstruation and J leucorrhcea. I took four bottles of Vegetable Compound, one box of Liver Pills, and used one package of Sanative Wash, and am now well. I thank you again for the good you have done for me.—ELLA E. BRENNER, East Rochester, Ohio. Great numbers of suchletters as the above are constantly being received by Mrs. Pinkham from women whoowe their health and happiness toher advice and medicine. Mrs. Pinkham's address is Lynn, Mass. Her advice is offered free to all suffering women who are puzzlcdabout themselves. If you have backache don't neglect itor try heroically to "work it down,"you must reach the root of the trouble, nnd nothing will do this so safely and surely ns Lydia K. Pinkham's Vegetable Compound. Itacknchc is accompanied „ by a lot of other aches nnd wearying- sensations, but they nearly always come from the same source. Jlemove the cause of these distressing things, and you become well and strong. Mrs. S. J. SWAMHON. of Gibson City, 111., tells her experience in. the following letter: " DKAIS Mas. PINKHAM :—Before using your medicine I was troubled with headache and my back ached so that I could not rest. Your medicine is the best I have ever used; it hns relieved me of iny troubles, and I feel like myself n~ain. Thanks to Lydia E. Pinkham. " I would advise any one troubled with female weakness to take your Medicine. 1 shall also recommend it wherever I can as a great reliever of pain." AJMUopgqmeK Have Been Benefited by Mrs. PiBkiiam's Advice ana Medicine Ancnt the czar's peace proposition over 4,000,000,000 of human lives have ucen sacrificed in the world's wnrs s'ncc the beginning of the Christian era. SOMEHOW AND SOMEWHTCUE AMONG TUB MUSCLES AND JOINTS , A Natural Blank with Buckingham's Dye, 50 cts. of druggists or R,P.Hall&Co.|Na5hua,N.H. A man who was convicted of seven highway robberies in Cotania, Sicily, was lucky enough to be tried before a tender-hearted judge, who thought a life sentence too severe. He therefore was easy with him, letting him oil' with only 189 years' imprisonment. The Pains and Aohos of CREEP IN. Right on its track St. Jacobs Oil CREEPS IN. It Penatrates, Searches, Drives Out. CANDY CATHARTIC GUARANTEED . loouro dyu|K>pslii, con- nvor mm kmncy diseases, biliousness, S. OtC. At (Irlll/lrlMl.h "f.rt llll.l «l ntl Western Canada and pnrtlc-uluvs us to hcnv to secure 100 ncres nr the best Wheat-growing land on the Continent, can bo secured on application to tho Superintendent of ]mml(,'i-:iUon, ottiiwn. Camilla, or the undersigned. Specially cundnrtcil excursion!) will leave St. rani on tho flrHt and third Wednesdays of. each month, and specially low nites on nil linos of railway reaching St. Paul, are bclnp quoted for excursion leaving there ou April Bill for Manitoba. Asnlnlbola, Saskatchewan «nd Albcrtn. N. Harthnlomew, Canadian Bovornmont Agent, suuiruth St., Dos Moluee, Iowa, As Black as Your YourWhiskers UUKE YOURSELF Use Big 0 for unnatural aiKclmi'KCB, InllumniutionB, irritatioiiB or ulcerutioim of iiincouu monibrancs. l'x?«il."r"~ --—-•—• J'ninlesH, and not UBtriu- lfi£\UHEEVAN3 CHEMIOALOo. 6<Mit or nolsunouB. ^\OINOINHATI,0.r~~~1 Noldbj-Itr or Bont In plain wrappnr, '7 "PfJ"», Iirnpniil, for ft™.'-!". 3 hof . tle ». t2.«. FOR 14 CENTS TVo wish to gain this year 200.000 now customers, nnd uouco offer 100 Iflo 100 nberloo ^* now oimtoiuurH. nnd houu " 1 Pkc. l,i IJny HndiBli, 1 Pkg. Karly Klpo Onbbnge. 1 " linrlicat Hod Boct, 1 " iiongUghtu'ir Cuonni lllo Worlh $1.00, for 14 ocm«, ^Tiio AboTO 10 pltgs. worth $1.00, wo will mull you iree, togcthor with our groat Plant nnd Seed Catalogue upon receipt of this native & 14c lostage. Wo invite yonr trndettnd now when yon once try Snlzer's out them. Onion Seed «8c. and ii np «i Il». Potatoes at S1.2O • a Bbl. Catalog alone 5o. No. irn JOHN 1. SAWlilt HEKU til., LA CIIOSHE, HIS. •culai- ecnt on ro'qu'oflt. W. N. U. Des MOIHCS. No. II.—18pp. TAKE This Signature SOLD BY ALL DRUGGISTS IN THE UNITED STATES AND CANADA. is on every box of LAXATIVE BROMO QUININE TABLETS, Accept no substitute represented to be "just as good," The Fitness of Things. A wrathful answer doesn't always turn away soft people CRESCENT HOTEL, EUREKA SPRINGS, ARKANSAS, Opens February 28rd. In theOzark Mountains. Delightful climate. Beautiful scenery. Unequaled medicinal waters. Cheap, excursion rates. Through sleepers via Frisco Line. Ailress J. O. Plank, Manager, Room H, Arcade, Century Building, or Frisco Ticket Office, No. 103 N. Broadway, St. Louis. A well displayed dry goods stock always attracts ladies. Have need DR. BETH ARNOLD'S COUGH KILLER In my family for !B years. Mrs. A. Sucbauock, Minneapolis, Mlun. 25c. a bottlo. »"«".». You are a "steady' 1 if you visit a girl twice a week. Tr.era is more Catarrh in this section of the country than all other diseases put together, and until the last few years was supposed to be incurable. For u, great many years doctors pronounced it a local disease and prescribed local remedies and by constantly failing to cure with local treatment, pronounced it incurable. Science has proven Catarrh to be a constitutional disease and therefore requires constitutional treatment. Hall's Catarrh Cure, manufactured by F. J. Cheney & Co., Toledo, Ohio, is the only constitutional cure on the market. It is taken internally in doses from 10 drops to a tcaspoonf ul. It acts directly on the blood and mucous surfaces of the system They offer one hundred dollars for any case it fails to cure. Send for circulars and testimonials. Address, F. J.CHENEY & Co., „ ,,, Toledo. Ohio. Sold by Druggists, 75c. Hall's Family Pills are the best. No young- man can be iu love with all the nice girls. A GRIP CURE that DOES CURE! ISare-Fuced Insult. Algernon—Look out there! What are you doing-? Insolent barber-—Trimming your eyebrows, sir. I aon't find anything to shave. 'Why is there always a bird oo slier money, Mr. Brown?" "Merely a gentle reminder of how jnpney flies."—p*. Health for Ten Cent?. A lively liver, pure blood, uloun skin, bright, eyes, perfect health—Citsourets (Jundy CuUmrUo will obtain aud secure tbem for you. At' Viuelsls lUo, 25o, 50e. ' Doing a.^ you please is sometimes the cause of trouble. S15.00 Per Week, We will pay a salary of $15 per week and expenses for man with Rig to introduce Perfection Poultry Mixture and Insect Destroyer in tho country. Address with stamp. Perfection Mfg. Co.. Parsons. Kansas. How nice it is to find a bad dream is not true. I never used so quick a cure as Piso's Cure for Consumption.— J. B. Palmer. Box 1171, Seattle, Wash., Nov. 25, 1895. Every man has at least one redeeming trait. Mrs. IVliislow'H Soothing Syrup. For children toothing, softens the gums, reduces Inflammation, alJ/ivs uiiJu, cures wind colic. 23c a bottle. Christmas troubles sometimes form an endless chain. A GOOD GARDEN Is a pleasure and n profit. Gregory's seed liook directs u rlula beginning. Gregory's Seed Insure the most successful culling. Get the book now It's true IAMES J. H. GREGORY & SON, Marb ahead. Mass. Druggists refund the monej If It falls to cure. PRICE 25 CENTS Catarrh ^ trlulfrue. U. M. T,;ino's irimilly Alortlclne. Moves the bowels each day. In order to be healthy this is necessary. Acts gently on the liver and kidneys. Cures sick headache. Price 35 ami 50c. An act of kindness will receive its reward. Tho Most Efficient Bicycle Ever Devised is the BEVEL- GEAR CHAINLESS That is, It shows the hiqh?st ratio ol usa'ul work to power expended. For scientific design, thoroughness of construction and elegance of finish our new COLUMBIA CHAIN-DRIVEN MODELS are equaled among bicycles of the chain type. The most thorough laboratonal and practical tests have proven them to be structurally perfect, HARTFORDS have every advantage of most bicycles that cost more. VEDETTES are the best bicycles that it is possible to offer for their price, PRICES: Chainless Models 59 and 60, $75. Chain Columbian, Models 57 and 58, S5O. Hartfords, $35. Vedettes, $25 (men's); $26 (ladies'). To close out the balance of our 1898 models, the leaders of last season, we offer them as follows: Columbia Model 46 (ladies. 1 ) $45; Models 45 and 49, (menV) $4Q; Hartfords, Patterns 7 aud 8 $3Oand$3|. POPE MFG. CO., Hartford, Conn See our Artistic New Catalogue. Alabjtstlne. the only durable wall coat- Ins, takes the place of scaling; fcalsominea, wail paper and paint for walls. It can be usea pn plaster, brick, wood or canvas. Alabastlne can be used over paint or paper; paint or paper can be used over Alabastlne. Buy only In five pound packages, properly labeled; take no substitute.