The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on March 14, 1894 · Page 3
Get access to this page with a Free Trial
Click to view larger version

The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 3

Publication:
Location:
Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, March 14, 1894
Page:
Page 3
Cancel
Start Free Trial

Page 3 article text (OCR)

ARMY OVERCOAT. THE ireMtt.tVBH-JtOlNflBi ALGOhA IOWA WEDNESDAY MABOH 14, UJ84. SOME LAUGHING GAS. fi* rta* Idl6 as a boy,-KG;-was shiftless, ft* a 1 f • youth: ft« Wtia slovenly In .dresfs, anil his manners 1 were uncouth. . fgbo rfolrfhnofs loolcfitf their scorn whon they ' saw him p.iftHlhit by; pis father used to scold and hi* mother uaort ')9ut ho volunteered tho day ho was oW enough to voto, J>M(l they hardly know tha foil r,v in hia army I* overcoat. yor ho braced Ms la*y fihouldew with i\ »iU- Hia aimless face grew firmer. Sairt the neighbors: "1 declare!" Hia father took his hand, lili; rr.-nhsr ooamcd het pride; The winter day he marched a-.*.)? -v foollsn maiden cried. . .F'jllMtty folks forfjot tbolr ?n>i>rs; 5aU fifty roughly S.Jioto With f rtemlly slap the foaels UiSt hormu.s nrrny , overcoat. Vie spnthlH parents letters they were long in making out. Ho was faithful nan sentry; In tho fl;,'ht his heart wns .stout. /irhe day ho saved the captain's lite, that day he lost his own, Andspoko some munly pnrtl:iT words, a:ia died without a itroun. The Captain closed his oyelldi with n- cholilns .in the throat, And sent hlmtohla motber i:i ht< army overcoat. ,1'ne ineetin'.'-house was crowded full upon his btiriii.li.hy, And scores and scores passer! down the aisles to sto him ;if hi) lay. H, ;The foolish ra.ildpn noticed on hU'Uand a ring ' I • • .of horio, . . vTlic Union untold cut on it. and wished it were. her own; ..And ftftor prayer. onflViyinn.aad sTwech, ami war-time nnei'd .to. •/The earth received tho soUlisr and ills ai-my «vr>r('.n-.it. overcoat. uss round, with flow- mother And now, when Decoration day coi iv flaz thoyput jVbovo his hold, and deck 1m grave crs from ho id to loot And herohis worn old i'Mlior and his bowed with years. • .Stand sadly by and listen to Uto chaplains voice with tsars .An au ancient, toollsh nr.ii'.\cm SCB.S ixjforc ber raemoi-.v float The vision o( a soldier in an army overarm. —Mrs. OeorKO Archlbnld i» Judga. SCARLET""FORTUNE, •; IVY H.'' line 1 by line, tho familiar face, and blessed the, stars that -'had sent, such an angel across his path. On a sudden, ho came to think that ho did not know how or' where ho had first met her, and tho fierce effort of recollection became a source of fatigue to him. lt« passed a day or two in this state of perplexing doubt, ami as he did not know where to commence, the picture that formed i,tsclf before his eyes was always vague and shapolnss. Then a desire, sharp and strong, asserted it-sel!. He wanted to sec Lucy; he wanted to read the secret of his part in her eyes; ho wanted Lucy herself to fifrnish the key that would unlock the mysterious shrine. Ho was not aware that Lucy was in the house. On the very morning of tho day on which the Mac.laiica completed the actual labor of their fiendish task, Sir William Cuthbort- son paid a visit to The Nest. Tho surgeon was vastly pleased with the progress his. patient had made, arid replied to the lattcr's in- sistant prayer for renewed communication with tho outer world with it reassuring smile. . ' "All in good time, my lord," the medico said. "We must he Hiiro to be able to walk before bo.ing allowed to run. 1 ' "But think of it, Sir William," the young man whimpered. "I've been hero a month without seeing even Miss Maelane. gioathod again in the) blue Uvillprht, .arid he -. remembered., that, in a tow moment!*, he was to shake her hand, to assure himself again of her kindly sympathy, bthcr'ldvo. ' The expectation soothed h is anxiety, am 1 left him hopeful and bright, Ho wattoiU as he- thought, for an hour or more, and then he thought another hour had passed. Sir William had promised that ho should seo Lucy that night, and Lucy had not yet come. The last/ gleams of day had sunk in a flood of amber light behind the tree-tops, and night had settled over the scene with soft aud pearly blues. Herbert was still thinking of the woman he loved, and who loved him so well, Whon the cloor of his room opened noiselosslv, and—yes—thero was Lucy, stretching out both her hands to him, her face a little paler and a little sadder than when he had last soon it, but still as lovely and as sweeb as ever. There was the warmth of surpassing joy about their mute greeting, and for a few moments, they stood looking into each other's eyes, while a silent tear ran down Lucy's face. [TO KK CURRENt HUMOR ORIGINAL AND SELECTED. An JErtiy CoiiutMlt-nm tot th« India*— Ati Indignant Savior—-tU» t.'n-«o-I>»t« totuorlal ArtUt—OtUar W Satire. asked, sec Miss his oyo- amaxemcnt at the CHAPTER X—. Without a look back, lie opened •the front, door and went out. Ho •Btolc on tiptoe to the gate, and Closed it silently behind him. Then .ho walked swiftly • to the "Grcy- thonnd." where, already during the jday, he had ordered his dog-cart and Wrso to bo kept rearly for him. The animal was fresh and swift and Ttraveled over the eighteen uiilcs of •'smooth road in-something under an . liotir and a half. . Tho servants lit The Hoi tons had 'Ibeen accustomed to seo Mr. Wall, ar- •irivc and go away again al all sorts -of hours, and bearing all sort?, of articles. They naturally made no itt- itempt to follow him upstairs, nor to .rwatch his actions in his employers' Brooms. ; At orio o'clock that night the steamer "Josephine" sailed from Wt. 'Katharine's docks for Boulogne. :.Amonir its passengers was u jmg- inosed man, ' who, in spite of tho •balmy warmth of the summer night, il»tid" his face half hidden in a mulllor. '"That gentleman was Mr. Edward Wall. Mr. Edward Wall was at that mo- •'ment the proul possessor of nearly Illfty thousand pounds in notes of the iBank of England and tho Bank of ".France, andtof a not insigniticatit sum .in golden 'sovereign.* and napoleons. In the meantime the fuses at Eoo- •don Lodge wero burning slowly. CIIAl'TEK XI. . Nearly a month had elapsc.i since •f.he operation was performed on ilor- ^«,.(-. nnrl f'nn p-i-nat surueon's predic- for and Do you really wish to seo Miss MaclanoP" the surgeon "Would it content you to Maclano?'' Young 'Clovo drew up brows. »a if in question. "'Do I really wish to ace Miss MaclanoV" ho repeated. "Why, Sir W-illiaui. • .if you had "been loft like myself, without, speaking to a soul wiio looks as though he had a soul, don't vou think it would please you to speak to a pretty girl, you know, who would do anything in the world to servo you'."' "Now, now, now," the medical advisor remonstrated. "This will novel- do. We are getting enthusiastic, ud wo are not strong enough hat kind of thing yot. 'Slow are' must he our motto." "Don't, you think you're a little oo cautious. Sir William?" Herbert •loaded. His eyes brightened, and 10 looked the old gentleman in the ucc. "Do send to London for Miss Machine," ho continued. "1 would pleased if you would." ••Well," replied the surgeon, '•since we are -so obstinate on this point, science, 1 suppose, will have overstep the bounds of caution and to be unusually lenient. Now, if ou can jot yourself to imagine that Miss Maelane is living with you at this very moment, in'.this very house to imagine only, mind you—just at the other side of this door, for instance, and if you think you can accustom your mind to this imagined state of things for a whole day. 1 may scud MUs Machine to yon this evening, and I ma-y allow you, it the night is fine, to have a walk with her in thu garden." The young man grasped both Sir William's hands and heartily. "Thank you, Sir William, claimed, "thank you!" Winged. Aiilinuls. A French naturalist has shown that the wing area of fly ing animals varies from about forty-nine square feet por pound of weight in the gnat and live square feet in tho swallow to half a square foot por pound of weight in tho Australian crane, which weighs twenty-one pounds and yet (lies well. If wo wore to adopt the last or smallest proportion a man weighing 168 pounds would require a pair of wings each of them fourteen feet long by throe feet broad, or double the"aroa of an ordinary room door, to carry him, without taking i'uto account ' the'weight 'of the wings themselves. To pick out other aerial instances, it may not/ be generally known that a frigate bird can travel at the rate of. id")' miles an hour by chronograph aiid live in the air a week at a time, day and night, without touching a roost; that large, and heavy birds can remain almost motionless in air. for .hours, without Happing their wings; that birds can exert continuously about three, times tho horse power per pound of weight that man can and about the same amount, more than a horse can. Tho energy given out by'birds is, in ftict, weight for weight, unparalleled in nature. Oil) CliM'K unil Trunk*. Old chests and trunks have a high value as curios, and are largely taken by the dealers^in the like. As paper was costly in tho eighteenth century many such articles wore lined newspapers then current, and, pleasantries of tho period are trusted, with rejected An Affm'llnc T»|R. Barber—Poor .Tim lias been sent to an insane asylum. Victim (in chaivV-Who's Jim? "Jim is my twin brother, sir. .Tim has long been broodin' over the hard times air! suppose lie finally got crazy." "Hum! Not unlikely." "Yes, he aud me has worked side by fide for years and \vc were so alike wo couldn't* toll each othev apart. We both brooded a good deal. too. No money in this business any more." 1 "What's the matter with it?" "Prices too low. Cnlcss a customer takes a shampoo or something, it doesn't pay to shave or liitircut., Poor Jim! I caught him trying to' cut iv customer's throat because he refused a shampoo, and so I had to have the poor fellow locked up. Makes me very melancholy. Sometimes I feel sorry I didn't 'let him slash all he wanted to. It might hnve saved his I'eason. Shampoo, sir'. 1 " "V-e-s sir." Citizen (wfco likes Home-wade b —My dear, I hear that the bakers' trust lifts rushed through a law forbidding women to make their own bread. Wife (indignantly)—They have, have they? I'll show 'em. Here, Maria, rnti out and get me some yeast. Kecard t«t App«*ri»«lo*«. Mr. Brlckrow (at the opera)—Goodness mel You have stuffed your eors with cotton. Mrs. llrickrow—Hush! That's _ so I won't get Interested in the music. I don't want people to think lam not used to goocf society. ttml Thought It Orot. Agitator—-Do you ever stop to reflect, sir, on the condition of this country? Citizen—I have thought much upon the subject, thought long and deeply. "Ah, I am glad to fln'el therc^is one besides myself who has given this great subject attention. What, in your opinion, does this country most need at the present time?" "A fool killer!" Itcpleiilslilng; n VFar«lrob». She (coaxingly)—Yo.ur little wiflo is very anxious to see her'mother again. jj e _ Ycs.of course—er—very natural. She—I cannot go to visit her, you know, without a complete new traveling outfit, and a few new dresses for 'xtra. occasions; but if you feel very poor, my love, 1 can stay at home aud have mother come here, you know. He—Poor! Nonsense. I'm making Wiomy right along. Here's a check. Tnke Vonr Cholcu. Student—What is pessimism'.' 'Philosopher—The faith of. cowards. "Then what is optimism?' 1 "The faith of fools." Knew the Brother. Struggling Pastor—Brother Skinflint intends to give our new chapel a beautiful memorial window. Wife—He probably wants something to look at when the" contribution box goes around. .shook them he ex- with it tho to be miiuusci'ipts. ., "and tho groat surgeon's prcdic itions of success had been amply justified. Tho wound had closed again and a healthy llnsh was spreading -over tho previously pale face. For nearly a month tho young mat Itacl not, seen a soul except SirWillian •or his attendant; ho had not sot eyes on a book or newspaper; ho had writ ten .no letters, nor received' any :No(. a, disturbing son nil of tho ontc: world had penetrated to his: place o self- appointed confinement, am whether ho were north, cast, woat • or south of London, ho knew not. As his bodily strength increased tho truces of hi.s once-lost mental faoult,' returned. Scones of his childhood that had been shrouded as 'by a dark veil shot into the light of .memory with refreshing .sweetness. .He again remembered his father, of •whose appearance ho had retained no recollection, and tho kindly, lovely face of his dead mother smiled .at him again, lie remembered tho gladsome days at Chauncey lowers, Jits boyish gambols, his intwrepurso with Jads of his own age, ani over it .nil beamed tho contented app*»>'ttl of • «i happy mother. Then c»nw his .richoeldays, his combats at Eton, and .his youthful love for the pr»tty girl wiio bad since blossomed into tho •.stately Lady Evelync. , All this welled like a limpid Btream, c°°l » nd rcli-eshin-i. There was little that jarred, and but here and thero a sad memory left a darkish spot upon an otherwise fair page. Ho had been thinking of Lady "Evelyne—what a handsome wife she would make, what a distinguished sharer of his honors and his titles, a partner in life to be proud Yot thero was something that failed to touch hia heart about her image . She seemed cold and flighty, and hei professions were thin as air, a vor-j butterfly of thoughtless buoyancy; a beautiful moth whose wings migh fce torn and soiled by a rough touch Then another face would dawi iipon him in the haze of. his on wrapping dreams. A rosy, pretty lovable, klssablo face, with pouting cherry lips, and dimpled cheeks, with luo- softly-beaming-, tender blue eyes: The rest of that clay was one long stretch of expectant excitement^to hira. Ho was to seo Lucy. The thought brought back tho vigor of A curious old trunk with pentagonal ends recently turned, up in the shop of a cloalo' 1 in old furniture. It still bore a weather-stained card, showing that its last delivery had been to somebody in Pearl street. It was lined with a Philadelphia newspaper of I77o, and the puge-t exposed bore tho tax list of that year iu pounds, shillings and pence. lnliM l»li»nils. hi. early love,, and banished ovary grape culture took.theplaoo nickering breath of his affection for nn«rar cane until 18o~>, when 1 £'• biff. Boftly-beamin.,, gweet face—a -face that glowed womanly life and womanly iace, tho sight of which blood iiow faster and his and mudo him a. -wiv-h truth; a made his finger-ends tingle, remember that ho was a man. Ho might have admired a dozen Lady Evelynes, and passed them coldly by, but Lucy's face had the magic cuarmof hot and-budding woman- fcood upon Ww aud a5 Lady Kvolyn?. Lucy stood again before his mind'rf eye, and as ha was sitting by hi.s open window in the cool and brocr/y .summer evening, with hi n ga'/o fixed on tho cascades of tho greenery on the old wall opposite, that homely background changed to a giant rock reaching skywards hundreds of yards, with tho blue of the heavens gleaming above. A simple rudo log hut nestled against tho ido of the rock, and a primitive oad. overgrown with moss and veed-3, ran in front of it. Ho was thero. Ho remembered hat very well. He was dressed in ho buckskin hunting shirt, and tho ringo-odged buckskin trousers of the .rontiersnian; a broad-brimmed felt hat shaded his bronzed face;his feet I ,vora encased in moccasins, and he sat on a horso that was comparisonod with a Mexican saddle and trappings. And Lucy was there. How well ho remembered he-r now. How well ho remembered that sun-bonnet and ihat homely gown. He remembered how his heart had go no out to that pretty face at first sight. He remembered how he had said a few dainty nothings to tho girl, and had ridden away mou.ntainward. Whore had ho ridden to? Here tho picture became confused again, anil memory declined to servo him. Ho walked up and down his room, and with tho soft air bathing his) faoo ho became more composed. He made another effort. Fred Ashland appeared to him, dressed in a mixture of tho garb in which ho hud soon him only a month back, and of that in use among the mountaineers. It was Fred Ashland, and it was not Fred Ashland—thero was something perplexing about the man—and Fred Ashland received him cheerily, fine told him that ho had found gold .aud that he required his help. On a sudden tho remembrance of Dick Ashlancl's letter, but lately in his hand, flushed across his mind, aud the scene stood revealed to him, distinct and clear. "Groat heavens!" ho cried, "that s Dick Ashland! Dick Ashland! Dick Ashland! Tho man who has never been heard of again—tho man who found the gold—the brother, and tho living imago of that man who.camo to mo tho other day. Ho sank into his arm-chair, and sat there stonily, tapping J.he Sinful- Ciiiio in thi» ^liid The sugar ciino was introduced into tho"Madeira islands in 1-125, and in 1493 the annual product exceeded 4,000,000 pounds. Tho introduction of sugar cane into tha West Indies, however, destroyed tho industry, and ' j of the nilgai- cane until 185'-', when the phyl- loxera nearly swept all tho vines out of existence. The sugar cane is again being cultivated and last year SOU.ODO pounds were rnado. Tho supply will always be limited, be- caune'the cane cannot be profitably cultivated at a higher elevation than 1,000 feet. _ J__ U.Ypodition in tho 1'olioo Court. A Brooklyn police JRdgo fined 1-0 prisoner* $1 each for drunkenness tho other clay in bulk. They wore brought into the cotu-t, the judge asked anyone not guilty to speak up. Nobody spoke, the fine wan assessed and the judge had left the court room, all bef"-e « o'clock in the morning. Tln» reason for this expedition was that the priso-nora were all crowded- into one small poti and it seemed inhuman to hold them in such discomfort till the regular session of he court. A Holiday Uoilfffl. First Merchant (sadly)—This holiday trade was a- failure. Second Jlerchnnt—-Not with me. I sold out everything: with a: rush. "Phew! How?'' "Got. up :i guessing contest and gave priy.es." "l-itiessintf contest? What about?" "Each customer was allowed to guess whut the things he bought were intended to be used for.'' She ToNI Him. Husband—One of your New Year's resolutions was that you would not quarrel with me for a year. Wife—Yes. "Well, you are snapping lit me hall the time already." "Yes.' 1 "1 should just like to know what's become of your good resolutions." "Yon would, ch'. 1 AVoll, 1 waiitei mother to sec them, and so I inclosec them in a letter to her, and gave, it to you to mail, and she writes me that she never received it, That's what's become of them.'' llnrll Time*. Old Highwayman—Glad to sou yeh back safe. Hid yeh do a,s 1 -said—point There goes Mrs. Ihirdacro—Oh, one now! Mv. Hardacre—One what? .Mrs..IJardaere—Why, one of them walking coats 1 read about in the fashion papers! Not Intoreatod. First Citizen—There is to be a big meeting- to-night, a great outpouring of the masses to devise ways and means to reform the city government, so that its affairs may be administered with strict economy. Come along. Second Citi/.en—Um—I'd rather not. K;ict is, I am after an office myself. Alarming Figures. Old Lady—I feel awful nervous. Are you sure we won't have any accidents'.' Conductor (fond of statistics)—Every person who rides on a railway takes one chance in .1,401,910 chances of bong killed. Old Lady—La, suites! Why didn't that rascally agent tell me so before I nought my ticket? A PAttiEtlC old sl4*e Stft.<JJ« t<* ttu sti»tp<»**- : - vrtiefli KWr*^* c»»w6« 'lha old negro had been *ith tha 'amlly since before the tvai». Me haA been tho slave of tho father of hid iresent mistress, and when his fflcS was freed he had remained with the family. Mr. had been wealthy,' the war had left him as it hod many others—pennilesss, lie did nod Long survive hia fortune,. and bequeathed to his children little elsa than his name. So it came about that his daughter was keeping' a bonfiiinsr house, and tho old tUigi?o had for yeai-g been the ruler of tho servant's quarters. Ho hail become old and infirm, and for a year or more had been more of a burden than a help. It had finally been decided that amningor man must bo employed and thai the old man must go. He- had-no relatives or friends to care for him and there was but one place' for him to spend the remaining years or months or days of his life-—the poor-house. Whon tho old negro waa told of ,-this deci.siqtv.-by his mtStMSSyhe did not sectn to grasp her meanlng'fthen .1 pathetic smile crept timidly over his features and his eyes looked wist : fully Into hers as ho faltered: "Vouse fpolin do olo man, nin'fc yoh, missus? Yoh won' sou' do Ola man away, will yoh, honey?" He read the truth in her pitying: eyes, says tho St. Louis Kepublic, for ho turned away without a word and slowly descended tho stairs to his room in the basementj and his mistress hurried to her room to throw herself on tho bod and give vent to the tears which she would not shed before the servants. Tho next morning—a chilly one—• we were gathered around the hot-air register, through which thoro sounded a conversation as distinctly as though spoken in oar room. A man's voice was speaking words of comfort to some one who was sobbing as though in despair. It was the now man, evidently kind-hearted, trying to console tho old negro. '"Doan tek on so, honey; missua woulden son' yoh away if she could, help it. Ah now, doan do dat." as tho sobs increased in vehemence-, >-see. hero comes missus to bid yoh good-by. Doan let her see yoh y'r gun at every one that came along l"r money or y'r life! H ig-hway ma n (gloomily)— and yell. Young 1 Yep. "Wot did yeh git?" "Nuwthin' but'lives." An Snviov. The sobs died away in a few gasps that proved the old- ma'n's"effort;.to control himself. There followed a conversation in which a woman's voice was hoard, but so low-toned that the words could not be understood. A few moments later two negroes passed our window—one tall, robust and middle-aged; the other, an old, white-haired man. bent with years and looking to his stick for support. Tho younger man carrie'd an old-time carpet-bag. As they, turned into the street which would lead them to the car the old man stood, leaning both hands on his stick, looking back. At this moment the sound of some one weeping aloud in another room attracted attention. Whon we looked again the old tvau had gone. An Important DooUion. "George, dear," said Mrs. Oeorgo, "Am I to. have » sealskin sacquo this winter?" ••Well, I guesa not," said (leorg'o. "Do you want to go to prison?" "Prison!" • •Certainly. Didn't yon know that this Itehring sea decision has made it a penal otVense to buy or soil sealskins.—Truth. I. Maiden in Peril—-At last! Some succor has arrived. At last! Tho 1(011 Mrs. Morris—I'm yoing to have some company this evening. Can you. mako tho punch, OollinsV Butler, reproachfully --• Can Oi make a punch. M''a- Morris? "But can you make a good punch, Collins?" ••Lave it to me, mum. Oi'll make yez a punch that'll knock 'm out in three rounds." . Anil li'tt»s »o U1»U'- "John," said tho editor, "never throw a man down stairs again while there's a-window handy." •«Why not, sir ?" "Why not? 'Just suppose his head had burijted that glass door!"—Atlanta Constitution. <V <iuo.d »My youngest spa is ii'ycurb old to-day, and' i am • puzzled, to know what-profession he'should adopt." • "Why dpn't you maise him a caeh- ""••Ob, »o> % 4oesn't Uka r»Uro0 Struek :i Itonanxii. Moldy Mike—I've struck a soft thing- now. Dusty Dan—Wilt's that? Moldy Mike—I go inter a town, an' tell 'eni I b'long to a stranded opery company, un' wimt 'cm all to be at th' school-bouse «t 7 sharp, and hear me f--ive a concert. They always come. A f reo show draws the crowd every time. Well, I don't ;>-it more'n half-way through me best solo, "After the Hall," than they begins ter throw eggs an' cabbages an' all sorts o' garden produce by the bushel. I just gathers it up and slips out th' back door. Keen livln' like a nghtin' coek all winter. Very Unpopular. Mrs. I)e .Style—The papers say that our minister is to be tried for heresy. Mrs. Tailor-Maide—He ought to be. Only lust Sunday he said that hcuven is a place where fashions never change. A Scientific I'uct. Editor—Here's a curious thing 1 found in an exchange and printed in my paper yesterday, though I don't know whether it is true or not. It says "A man can't write the word yawning five times without yawning." Friend—I saw that in your paper yesterday, and tried it. It's true. While writing the word yawning I yawned two or thi-ee times." "Well,that's remarkable, unless you tried it late at night." "No, I tried it just as soon as I got Mnilo H«-r Cruxy. A young married man with a young 1 baby at home recently bought a box of catnip. Ho put it in his overcoat pocket and stopped in at a woU-knQW.n Chicago resort to get KOIUO thing stronger than"' catnip toa for himself. In ashort time ho noticed that the blgpet cat of the establishment was manifest! nir remarkably anxious symptom* All at onco he thought of the catnip. Ifore was a cut brought .up in a city, and which had nevec before sniffed the fragrant herb which is so much a medicine for felines in dis'troKS. So he opened tha package, gave a few le-avos to thf* cat, and tho crowd was soon enjoying an unusual performance. Tho cat was in raptures, and rolled about iu such a crazy fashion that tho bar- koopor was suspicious. Ho declared that "them follows had given tho cat poison." Thereupon ho {rave tho cat a dlsn of milk as an antedote, and couldn't get it through his dull head that an herb callod catnip was a spe- citio medicine for cats of all climes. through reading your paper. '—Ex. t. Would-be lleseuor—A sucker, am I! Well, you can just stay where you j are, you huzzy! Mouey Saved Is Itfouoy Ki»r«eU. Mrs. Winks—I'd just like to know why those Miukses have so much more money than we have. Mr. Winks—Mrs. i»» "WW ho*B ou Chmtmas day and was aw come at wee, I'rotty JT»r Gone. Clara—T)o you think Algy is reully and truly in love? Dora—In love? Why, the poor fcl !ow is so desperately in love that his latest made-to-measure suits hang on him like ready-made clothes. Importance vs». buperKtltlou. Mr. llopeford—The date you havt set for nur wedding comes on Friday Friday is. supposed to be an unluckj day. Mrs. Lakeside (from the west)—8 I've hoard, but it can't bo any mor unlucky than the other days. I'v tried all the rest. A MUhop'H Story. The late Catholic bishop of Raphoe sed often to tell this story with njoyment: "I was suddenly called,"' 10 said, "from my home to see an unfortunate sailor who hud been cast ashore from a wreck, and was ying speechless upon tho ground, nit not quite dead. 'The life's in. jim still, your reverence; he stirred a little.' So 1 stooped down and said to hlrn: -My poor man, you're nearly gone; but just try to say .one little word, or make one little sign to show that you »ro dying in the true faith.' So ho opened one of hia eyes just a woe bit, and ho said: Bloody end to the Pope!' aud so died." —Argonaut. A I,ovtu-'s i "I hear Jack Staylong was around to call on Phyllis last night when, you were thoro." ••Yes; he was there for an hour OP two." "Must have been dreadfully ia th» •Oh, no; I like to have him there; it makes tho ovening seem so much longer, don't you know."—Detroit Free Press. TUe Quick Citizen (with poor'inenxpry)—I shoul like the present address of Hon. Mr. Greatiuunu. Newspaper office Boy—Next door to wb,q». shall I in* .' ' ' • >4_.>i V Week* t Tf*i ** "' 5**8S At an Italian wedding-breakfast, the bride distributes to the wedding- guests sugar-plums in pretty cases instead of the bridecake. Sho mikes the rounds of the tables, among the gentlemen, with these, little oavtons, while the groom ol* fei-8 Jboni to tha Ia4ias. Just feet- departure &QV bnd_$| l»ftuj|pl|f ,di,gti'ibutft(| '

Get full access with a Free Trial

Start Free Trial

What members have found on this page