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riK THE UPPER BBS AMO^A IOWA JAKtJAgyjU, Jgg TABERNACLE PULPIT, 1ALMA06 PftEACHfiS A MOSt SERMOM 1't.Aitift .f«r Ail ttilrtfts Arc KIM* Itortdy," Luke J4:*»H—Titn Weniitlfut Ctmfnetef ot N. Y., Jan. 8<3.— Tho large audience assembled in the Tabernacle and sermon of remarkable a -to-day .listened to power and interest by He V. Dr. Tnl- •mage, the subject being "Festivity." 'The text selected was Luke 14ixvii, • -"Come, .for all things are now ready." It was one of the most exciting titnes in English historv when Queen Eti«ibeth visited Lord Leicester at Kenilworth castle. The moment of - her arrival was considered so 1m- ' fcortant that all the clocks of the castle were stopped, so that tho hands might point, to that one moment as being tho most significant of all. She was greeted at the gate with floating islands, and torchcSi and the thunder of cannon, suul fireworks that set the night abla/e, #nd B, great burst of music that lifted Ahe whole scene into perfect enchant- irochfc Then she was introduced into a •dining-hall, the luxuries of which astonished the world; 400 servants waited upon the guests; the entertain- micnt cost ?T>,000 each day. Lord Leicester made that great supper in JKcnilworth castle. Cardinal Wolsey entertained, tho Trench ambassadors at Hampton court. The best cooks in all the land prepared 'for the banquet; purveyors went out and traveled all the kingdom over to find •spoils for the table. The time came. The guests were kept during the day hunting in the king's park, so that their appetites might be keen, and tthcn. in the evening, to the sound of •Ihe trumpeters, they were introduced •into a hall hung with silk and cloth of •gold, and there were tables a-glittcr with imperial plate and laden with tho irares of meats and a-blnsh with the costliest wines. And when tho second •course of the feast came it was found •that the articles of food had been fash- ;ioncd into .the shape of men, birds and ibeasts, and groups dancing and jousting parties riding against each other •with lances. Lords and princes and •-ambassadors, out of cups filled to the brim, drank the health, first of the 'king of England and next of the king of France. Cardinal AVolsey prepared .that great supper in Hamilton court, But I have to tell you of a grander .entertainment. My Lord, the King, is . the banqueter. Angels are the cupbcar- • ers. All the redeemed arc the guests. 'The halls of eternal love, frescoed with light, and paved with joy, and . curt.-iiued with unfading beauty, are •'-. the luiuquetitig place, The harmonies • of eternity are the music. The . chiilicosof heaven are the plate; and I :anvoneof the servants coming out with both hands filled with invitations, • scattering them everywhere, and, oh, • that for yourselves, you might break •the seal of the invitation and read tho •words written in red ink of blood ^by •7-the "tremulous hand of a dying Christ: -'fCom« now, for all things arc. ready." 'There have been grand cntertaiu- -ir.i'nts where was a taking oft'— the v. i::t! gave out, or the servants wore ivh-.-ilious, or the light failed; but 1 lun e gone all around about this subject, and looked at the redumption •which Christ has provided, and 1 come ihcic to tell you it is complete, and I tswing open the door of the feast, tell- in-- you that, "AH things are now -.reiidy." in the first place, 1 have to announce : thvit tho Lord Jesus Christ himself is reiidy. Cardinal Wolsey came into the fo;r t after the first course; he came in b<i,.ted and spurred, and tho guests . sir.vje and cheered him. But Christ *:ouies in at the very beginning of tho i. ast; aye, he has been waiting eighteen hundred and ninety-four years for his guests. He has been standing on his mangled feet; he has had his sore 'hand on his punctured side; or he has been pressing his lacerated temples— -waiting, waiting. It is wonderful that he has not been impatient, and that "he has not said, "Shut the door and let the laggard stay out;" but he has been waiting. No banqueter ever waited for his guests so patiently ^as -Christ has waited for us. To prove how willing ho is to receive us, I gather all the tears that rolled .down his cheeks in sympathy for your borrows; I gather all the drops of blood that channeled his brow, and his back, .and his hands and feet, in trying to purchase your redemption; I gather all • the groans -that he uttered in midnight - chill, and in mountain hunger, and in • desert loneliness, and twist them into . one cry— bitter, agonizing, overwhelming. I gather all the pains that shot from spear, and spike and cross, jolt- ipg into one pang— remorseless, grinding, excruciating. I take that ono . drop of sweat on his brow, and under •the gospel glass that drop enlarges until I see in it lakes of sorrow and an . ocean of agony. That being standing liefore you now, emaciated, and gashed, and gory, coaxes for your love with a pathos m which every word is . a- heartbreak and every sentence a martyrdom, How can you think he trifles? Ahasuerus pepared a feast for 180 . days; but this feast is few all eternity. Lords and princes were invited to that; you, and I, and all our world are in" vited to this- Christ is ready. You kuow that thu banqueters of oldeu time used to wrap themselves in robes for the occasion; so. my Lord hath wrapped himself in all that is beautiful. See how fair he is! His « : ye, his brow, his cheek, so radiant that the stars have 110 gleaut and the - no brilliancy compared with Hit* fo^eVeilectiflg aU the joys, pf rt-ducmud, h:«» hand hyvJfig l«?pt»- limbs, artfl hoisted the pillars of heaven, and 8\vtlb# the 'twelve gates which are UvclvcJ pearls. There are not cnoltffh cup* in heaven,to dip up this oceati of beauty. There are not ladders enough to scale this height of love. There are not enough cymbals to clap, or harps to thrum, or trumpets to peal forth the praises of this one altogether fair, Oh, thon flower of eternity, thy breath is the perfume of heaven! Oh, blissful daybreak, let all people clap their hands in thy radiance! Chorus! Come, men, and saints, and cherubim, and sorapliim, and archangel—all heights, all depths, all immensities. Chorus! Koll him through the heavens in a chariot of iinivcrsiil acclaiitt, over bridges of hosannas, ittt: dor arches of coronation, along by the great towers chiming with eternal jubilee. Chorus! "Unto him who hath loved us, and washed us,from our sins in his own blood, to him be glory, world without end!" I have a word of five letters, but no sheet white enough on which to write it, and no pen good enough on Which to inscribe it. Give me the fairest leaf from the heavenly records—give tne the pencil with which the angel rccordshis victory;— and then, with my hand strung to supernatural ecstasy, and my pen dipped in the light of the morning, I will write it out in capitals of love: "J-E-S-U-S." It is ..this One, infinitely fair, to whom you are invited. Christ is waiting for you; waiting as a banqueter waits for the delayed guest— the meats smoking, the beakers brimming, the minstrels with fingers on the stiff string, waiting for the clash of the hoofs at the gateway. Waiting for you as a mother waits for her son who went oil: ten years ago, dragging her bleeding heart along with him. Waiting! O! give rne a comparison intense enough, hotenough, importunate enough to express my meaning—something high ns heaven, and deep as hell, and long as eternity. Not hoping' that you ran help me with such a comparison I will say: "He is waiting as only the all-sympathetic Christ can wait for the, coming buck of a lost soul." Bow the knee and kiss the Son, Come, and welcome, sinner; come. Again, the Holy Spirit is ready. Why is it that so many sermons drop dead— that Christian songs dp,not get their wing under the people—that so often prayer goes no higher than a hunter's "holloa?" It is because there is a link wanting—the work of the Holy Spirit. Unless that Spirit give grappling hooks to a sermon, n-ncl/lift the prayer, and waft the song, everything 'is a dead •failure. That Spirit is willing to come at our call and lead you to eternal life, or ready to come With the same power w'itli which he unhorsed Saul on thu Damascus turnpike, and broke down bydia in her fine store, and lifted the throe, thousand from midnight into midnoon at thu Pentecost. With that power the Spirit of God now beats at the gate ot your soul. Have you not noticed what homely and insignificant instrumentality • the Spirit of God employs for man's conversion? There was a man on a Hudson river boat to whom a tract was offered. With indignation he tore it up and threw it overboard, lint one fragment lodged on his coatsleeve, and he saw on it the word "eternity,'' and ho found no peace until he was prepared for that great future. Do you know what passage it was that caused Martin Luther to seo the truth? "The just shall live by faith." Do you know there in one—just one—passage that brought Augustine from a life of dissipation? "Put ye on the Txird .lesus Christ, and make no provision for the ilcsh to fulfill the lusts thereof.' It was just one passage that con verted llcdley Vicars, the great soldier, to Christ: "The blood of,Jesus. Christ ehmnseth from all sin." Do you know that the Holy Spirit used one passage of scripture to have Jonathan Edwards? "Now, unto the king, eternal, immortal, invisible, the only wise God, our Savior, bo glory." Oneyeai ago on Thanksgiving day 1 read foi my text: "O give thanks unto the Lord, for ho is good; for his mercy on dureth forever." And there is a young man in the house to whoso heart the Holy Spirit took that* text for his cter nal redemption. 1 might speak of my own case. 1 will tell you I was hrongh to the peace of the gospel through the Syro-Phu'nieiun woman's cry to Christ "liven the dogs eat of the crumbs thu, fall from the master's table." Do you know that the Holy Spirit at most always uses insignificant means? lilloquont sermons never save anybody; metaphysical sermons never save anybody; philosophical sermons never save anybody. Hut the minister comes some Sabbath to his pulpit, worn'out with engagements and the jangling of a frenzied door bell; he has only a text and two or three ideas, but he says: '•0, Lord, help me. Here are a good many people 1 may never :mect again. I have not much to say. Speak thou through my poor lips;" and before the service is done there are tearful eyes and a solemnity like the judgment. The groat French orator, when the dead king lay before him, looked up and cried: "God only is great;" and the triumph of his eloquence has been told by the historians. But I have not heard that oue soul was saved by the oratorical flourish. Worldly critics may think that the early preaching of Thomas Chalmers was a masterpiece. Jiut Thomas Chalmers says lie never began to preach until he came out of the sick room,; white and emaciated, and told men the simple story of Jesus. In the great day of eternity, it will be found that the most souls have been brought to Christ, not by the Bossucts, and MassUlons. and Bourclulou.es, but by humble men Uho, in the strength of God, and beliiiving iu the eternal Spirit, invited u/en to .Jesus. There were wise salvesA-there were excellent ointments, I sippose, in. the time of Christ,, for ijuucl.or inflamed eyes. But Jcfaus durned hi* back upon thprn; a,n$ ( Jmt the Up o| "his to hig/tcmgufii and then/ with and daylight poured into.his blinded be addM to thtjir joy, and they Would soul. So it is now that the SpiMt' cry. .f^My pfeycrs are answered; of. God takes that humble prayer- meeting talk, which seems to be the very saliva of Christian influence, and anoints the eyes of the blind, and lours the sunlightof pardon and peace upon the soul. O, my friend, I wish we. could feel it more and more, that if any good is done it is .by the po'wcr of 3od's omnipotent Spirit. I do not enow what hymn may bring you to Tesus. I do not know what words of ;he scripture lesson I read may save your soul. Perhaps the Spirit of God nay hurl, the very text into your heart: "Come, for all things are now ready." ' , Aouin, the church is ready. Oh man, if I could take the curtain off these Christian hearts, I could show you a great many anxieties for your redemption. You think that old man is asleep, because his head is down and his eyes are shut. No, he is praying for your redemption, and hoping that the Words spoken may strike your heart. Do you know the air is full of prayer? Do you know that prayer is going up from Fulton' street prayer-meeting, and from Friday evening prayer-meeting, and joing up every hour of the day for the redemption of the people? And if you should just start toward the door of the Christian Church, how quickly it would fly open. Hundreds of people would say: "Give that man room at the sacrament. Bring the silver bowl for his baptism. Give him the right hand of Christian fellowship. Bring him into all Christian associations." ^Oh, you wanderer on the cold mountains, come into the warm shoopfold. I let down the bars and bid you come in. With the Shepherd's crook I point you the way. Hundreds of Christian hands beckon you into the Church • of God. A great many people do not like the church, and say it is a great mass of hypocrites; but it is a glorious church with all its imperfections. Christ bought it, and hoisted the pillars, and swung its gates, and lifted its arches, and curtained it with upholstery crimson with crucifixion carnage. Come into it. We are' 4 garden walled around Chosen and made peculiar ground; A little spot enclosed by grace, Out of the world's wild -wilderness. Again, the angels of God are 7-cadv A great many Christians think that the talk about angels is. fanciful. You say it is a very good subject for theological students who have just begun to sormoni/.e; but for older men it is improper. There is no more proof in that Bible that there is a God than that there are angels. Why, do not they swarm about Jacob's ladder? Are we hot told that they conducted Lazarus upward? that they stand before the throne, their faces covered up with their wing, while they cry: "Holy, holy, is the Lord God Almighty!" Did not David see thousands and thousands? Did not one angel slay one hundred and eighty-five thousand men in Sennacherib's army? And shall they not be the chief harvesters at the judgment? There is a line of loving, holy, mighty angels reaching to heaven. I suppose they reach from here to the very gate, and when an audience is assembled for Christian worship, the air is full,of them. If each one of you have a. guardian angel, how many celestials there are here. They crowd the place, they hover, they flit about, they rejoice. Look, that spirit is just come from the. throne. A moment ago it stood before Christ and hoard the doxology of the glorified. Look! Bright immortal, what news from the golden city! Speak, spirit blest! The response comes melting on the air: '•Come, for all things are now ready!" Angels ready to bear the tidings, angels ready to drop the benediction, angels ready to kindle the joy. They have stood in glory—they know all about it. They have felt the joy that is felt where there are no tears and no graves; immortal health but no invalidism; songs, but no groans; wedding bells, but no funeral torches—eyes that never weep —hands that never blister—heads that never faint—hearts that never break-— friendships that are never weakened. Again, your kindred in glory are all ready for your coming. I pronounce modern spiritualism a fraud and a shum. If John Milton and Goorgo Whitefield have no better business than to crawl under a table and rattle the leaves, they had better stay at home in glory. While 1 believe that modern spiritualism is bad, because of its mental and domestic ravages, common sense, enlightened by the Word of God, teaches us that our friends in glory sympathize with our redemption. This Bible says plainly there is joy in heaven among the angels of God over one sinner that repeuteth; and if angels rejoice and know of it, shall not our friends, standing among them, know it? Some of these spirits in glory toiled for your redemption. When they came to die, their chief grief was that you were not a Christian. They said: "Meet me in heaven," and put their hand out from the cover and said: "Good-by." Now, suppose you should cross over from a sinful life to a holy life. Suppose you should bo born into the kingdom. Suppose you should now say: "Farewell, 0 deceitful world! Get theo, gone my sin! Fie upon all the follies! O Christ help me or I perish! I take thy promise. 1 believe thy word. I enter thy service." Suppose you should say and do this? Why, the angel sent to you would shout upward: "He is coming!" und the angel, poising higher in the air, would shout it upward: "He is coming;" and it would run all up the line of light, from wing to wing, and from trumpet to trumpet, xintil it reached the gate; and then it would flash to "the house of many mansions," and it would find out your kindred there, and before your tears of ropent- p,uce hud been wiped f vow tho cheek, and before you had flnjshed your first arfbther loved ^one saved. Give me a harp With which to strike the joy. Saved! saved! saved!" If I have shown you that "all things are ready," that Christ is ready, that the Holy Spirit is ready, that the church is ready, that the angels ^ in glory are ready, that your glorified kindred are ready, then with all the concentrated emphasis of my soul, I ask you if you a,rc ready? You see my subject throws the whole responsibility upon yourself. If you do not get in to the King's banquet, it is because you do not accept the invitation. You have the most importunate invitation. Two'arms stretched down from the cross, soaked in blood from elbow to finger-tip; two lips quivering in mortal anguish; two eyes beaming with infinite love, saying: "Come,come, for all things are now ready." , I told you that when the queen came to Kenilworth castle, they stopped all the clocks, that the finger of time might be pointed to that happy moment of her arrival. Oh!- if the King would come to the castle of your soul, you might well afford to stop all the clocks, that tho hands might forever point to this moment as the one most THE OLDESf LbCtf it tVrt* MncIA 6» Vtood rtrtcJ It* Key bright, most blessed, most tremendous. Now, I wish I coxild go around from circle to circle and invite every one of you, according 1 to the invitation of my text, saying: "Come!" I would like to take every one of you by the hand, and say; '"Come!" Old man, who hast been wandering sixty or seventy years, thy sun almost gone down, through the dust of the evening stretch out your withered hand to Christ, lie will not' cast thee off, old man. Oh! that one tear of repentance might trickle down thy wrinkled cheek. After Christ has fed thee all thy life long, do you not think you can afford to speak one word in his praise'.' Come, those of you who arc farthest away from God. Drunkard! Christ can put out the fire of thy thirst. Ho can break that shackle, lie can restore thy blasted home. Go to Jesus. Libertine! Christ saw thee where thou wert last night. He knows) of thy sin. Yet, if thou wilt bring thy polluted soul to him this moment, lie will throw over it the mantle of his pardon and love. Mercy for thee, O! thou chief of sinners. Harlot! thy feet foul with hell, and thy laughter the horror of the street—oh, Mary Magdalen—look to Jesus. Mercy for thee, poor lost waif of the sbeet! Self-righteous man, thou must be born again, or thou canst not see the kingdom of God. Do you think you can get into the feast with those nigs'.' Why, the King's servant would tear them off and leave you naked at the gate. Yoii must be born again. The day is far spent. The cliffs begin to slide their long shadows across the plain. Do you know the feast has already begun—the feast to which you were invited—and the King sits with his guests, and the servant stands with his hand on tho door of the banqueting room, and he begins to swing it shut. It is halfway shut. It is three-fourths shut, it is only just ajar. Soon it will be shut. "Come, for all tilings are now ready." Have I missed one man'.' Who has not felt himself called this hour'. 1 Then I call him now. This is the hour of thy redemption. While God invites, how blest the day, How sweet the Gospel's charming sound Come sinner, haste, oh, hnsto away, While yet a pardoning God is found. PERSONAL GOSSIP. Lord Kbur.v, born in ISO 1 and created a baron in ISMi, is tho oldest, peer in the housQ of lords. Father Ilyacinthc is preaching in a French Protestant cJuipel still with tho spirit and aim, he says, of a Catholic reformer. The queea of Greece is president of a sisterhood devoted to the reformation of criminals and sho personally visits prisoners. Tho silver statue of Ada Rohan which Montana sont to the exposition has been on exhibition in one of tho big dry goods stores of Boston. Lady Gertrude Stock, nun, novelist, marquis' daughter and baker's wife, has just closed in the shelter of a convent in Europe a life of strange experiences. Her husband is in South Africa. Mrs. Lydla Reagan, who died in New Orleans at tho groat ago of 103 years, lately, often eluima.l to havo clear remembrance of President Washington, and also to have attended his funeral. The khodiveof Egypt has presented the national museum in Washington with seven mummies, all covered with the queer inscriptions such as the ancient Egyptians were wout to use to convey their ideas. Madame Albani chose that title in honor of Albany, her former home, and Mile. Nevada came from tho bonanza state. Melba, who is singinff at the Metropolitan in New York, hails from Melbourne, hence Molba. A lion has arrived in Liverpool for Queen Victoria, a tribute from the emir of Nupe, in recognition of a letter she wrote to him. Tho emir grant from the wilds of India will be lionized presently by visitors to tho Lon« don zoological exposition. Rev. Dr. Robert Collyer preached on & recent Sunday from the text, "How Old Art Thou?" On the previous Friday he attained the age of seventy years, aod during the thirty years ho has been preaching he has never been enforcedly absant a single Sunday but once, when he was lame, never beeu sick in bed for day. Father Kenelm Vaughan of Kug- Iaa4, ft Catholio, priest who spent thre« years in a missionary journey through South, America, from Panama to Pafcagoni^, addr^sse4 the .students of Johns Hopkiusjiiniypvsity tlxo other day on the subject pf bis a.! ventures. journey was made on jpjjJtti I?a9k§o| - Tn the "History of Ninevah and Its Palaces," by Joseph Bonomi, Hard- iware fiuds a description of perhaps the oldest lock ever discovered. It was used iu securing the gates in one !of tho palaces of Khorsabad. In describing this ancient piece of hardware — if such torms may be applied ;to wooden locks — ho says: "At tho end of tho chamber, just behind : the first bulls, was formerly a strong gate, of ono loaf, which was fastened by a large wooden lock, like those 8 bill used in tho East, of which the key is as much as a man can conveniently carry, and by a bar which moved into a square hole in the wall. "It is to a key of this description that tho prophet probably alludes: 'And tho key of the house of David will I lay upon his shoulder; 1 and it- is remarkable that tho word for key in this passage of scripture, 'Muf- tah,' is tho same in use all over tho East at the present time. Tho koy of an ordinary street door is commonly thirteen or fourteen inches long; and tho key of tho gate of a public building, or t>f a street, or of a quarter of a town, is two foot or more in length. "The iron pogs at ono end of the piece of wood correspond to so many holes in tho wooden bar or bolt of the lock, when tho door or gate is shut and cannot be opened until tho key has been inserted, and tho impediment to tho drawing back of tho bolt, removed by raising up so many iron pins that fall down into holes in tho bar or bolt corresponding to tho pogst in the koy." This description and; others of a corroboratory character,, prove that this form of lock and koy was in uso in Egypt 4,00;) or 5.000 yours, during which extended period of time it doos not appear to hu/vc undevgouo any successful change. Dolnwnro 1'oaclu'H. Delaware has 9,000 farms, valued at $87,000,000. The state produced in 1889 4,000,000 bushols of corn and 1,200,000 of wheat. It exports ©very year 7,000.000 quarts of strawberries and 55,000,000 baskets of noaoliea, CURIOUS CONDENSATIONS. averages- thirty-five three men to euilti- A Russian farm acres, requiring vate it. Tho mackeral fishcries'ofl 1 the coast of New England and Cumul'a are practically exhausted. Massachusetts has 1,I'M,SOIL savings bank depositors with aggregate deposits of S3GO,i>3G,:i8G. The Boston S. P. C. T: A. has bought a camera to photograph tight check reins and such like. According to the United States consul at Singapore, one-hall the world's tin is mined in the Straits Settlement. During the present century the food supply of the principal nations 1ms increased in a much greater ratio than the population. Guiteau's skull was kept in the army medical museum which collapsed in Washington, killing and maiming so many people. It is probably buried in tho ruins and ground to powder. The Imperial canal of China is the longest in tho world and greatest in point of traffic. Its length is U.100 miles and it connects 41 cities situated on its banks. It was completed in 1300, after 000 years spent on its construction. Mrs. Luther Bryant of Noshannock township, Lawrence county, Pennsylvania, had a desperate encounter with a bull lately. Sho was driving the animal into a barn when it turned and tossed her in the air. When it renewed tho charge sho caught it by a ring in its nose and held it until help arrived. "Bus you certainly ougf&fc to aider the Wishes ft your parents.'* Whysho-rtld I? They didtr'i inarf/ to please mef" Blobbs—If I ever got married l*d like a wife like Mrs. liobbs. Slo-bbs— Why, she has an impediment in her peecb. Blobbs—Exactly. "Do you think that gratuitous advice ever results in good?' 1 "I know it does—that is, to the ono who givOS t. It makes him feel good." Wife—-john.it ^' as 1 when you cam* nto the house last night Husband— And you were the. one I came home to see, 'darling. But it didn't save him, all the same. A—Mein Frattlein, will yon permit me to introduce you to my friend B? Young Lady—But you are yourself a perfect stranger to me! A—Oh! but my friend B will introduce me to you presently. ACCUMULATED WISDOM. of Ilo has a singla How we all admire the wisdom those who coine to us for advice. If happiness in this life- is your object, don't try too hard to> get rich. Bad men do right only because they have to; good men, because they love to. Some people never da find out that there is joy in giving, because they do not give enough. Adversity is tho trial of principle; without it, a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not. In matters of conscience, first thoughts are best; in matters of prudence, last thoughts arc best. The man who starts out to bo a reformer should bo well prepared for bad roads and rough weather. There is seldom a line of glory written on the earth's face, but a line of suffering runs parallel with it. Power is so characteristically calm that calmness in itself has tho aspect of power, and forbearance implies strength. It is a form of excuse for wrongdoing that wo meant to do right, if we have not used our best powers to discover what is right. Ho who waits for an opportunity to do much at once may breathe out his life in idle wishes, and regret in tho last hour his useless intentions and barren zeal. We should rule ourselves with a firm hand. Being our own master means often that wo are at liberty to be the slaves of our own follies, caprices and passions. False happiness is like false money —it passes for a time as well as the true; but, when it is brought to the touch, we tiud the lig-htness and alloy, and feel the loss. The every-day cares and duties, which men call drudgery, are the weights and counterpoises pf the elo.uk of time, giving its pendulum a true vibration, and itt> hunilsa. regular motion. A Good Reason. "Why should a soldier never lese ht» head in a battle?" asked a German* captain of a jirivnte soldier. "Because if he did he wouldn't lMi,va>anj pierce to put his helmet on." A Young Poet. I guess I know why worms is- calk*} worms," snid Johnnie, as he watched bit father bait his hook one day last summer. Why?" asked his father. Because they rhyme with squirmfh"' A Complication. IVliat is the matter with S 'Alphabetical derangement." ; What do you meant" 'Not enough V's and X's and too many lOU's." . Tho Greatest fruit und (Stock Country in tiie World. Keep your eve on tho country through, Missouri, Kansas and Arkansas, novv being developed by the construction of the Brent through line, Knnsas City, Pitta- burg & Gulf railroad, completed and m operation between Kansas City, Mo., and Pittsburg, Kansas. Joplin, Mo., Neosho, Mo., Sulphur Springs, Ark. and Siloam Springs, Ark., aud rapidly extending to Fort Smitli, Ark., Texarkuna, Ark., and tho Gulf of Mexico. Remember Bcnton county, Ark., has taken 1st premium for fruit at all National and International expositions. Copy of paper Riving full description of the resources of the country through which this lino passes and will extend into, innilcd free upon application. Grandest opportunity ever offered to tho homesocker. JAMES DONOUUB, General Passenger Agent, Kansas, City, Mo. The man who howls at the passing of th» hat in church will pay a big hotel bill with a smile on his face. S4 to California. This is our Sleeping Car Rate on th» t'hillips-Rock Island Tourist Excursion* from Chicago to Los Angeles or San Fran- oisco, via the Scenic Koute and Ogden. You can go with Phillips, the best of all Excursion Managers, for ho has each party; Accompanied by a special agent who goes the entire trip with patrons. These per- .sonally conducted Excursions leave Chicago twice a week, Tuesday and Thursday. We have also a daily tourist car service,' via our Southern Route, through the beautiful Indian Territory and Ft. Worth to' Los Angeles and San 'Francisno. Th» Tourist car rate via this route, the same. Apply at Rock Island ticket office, 10* Clark Street. JNO. SEBASTIAN, G. P. A., 1 C. R. 1. & P. R'y, Chicago. The less a preacher knows the Lord the more ho depends ou his head in tiie pulpit. The Cultivation of the Susrar Beet is ono of a dozen ways in which the Nebraska farmer turns his land to profitable account. A net profit of $70.00 au acre is not unheard of; SbO.OO is frequent; $50.00 is an overy-day occurrence; and where care is taken §-10.00 au acre is as low as anyone need go. Tho sugar beet—whore and how its raised and tho profits attending its culture —is treated at some length in tho pamphlet Great Opportunities in Nebraska," issued by the Burlington Route. Send for a copy. It's free. J. Fiancis, Gon'l Passenger Agent, Oiliaha, Nob. Lending money frequently adds to one's- stock o£ experience. TUB UHEATII of a chronic catarrh patient is often so offensive that ho becomes an object of disgust. After a timo ulceration sots iu, the spongy bones are attacked, and frequently destroyed. A constant source of discomfort is the dripping of the purulent secretions into tho throat, sometimes producing inveterate bronchitis, which is- usually the exciting cause of pulmonary disease. The brilliant results of its use for years past properly denignato Ely's Cream Balm as by far tho best and only euro, IJhu recording angel never seeks iuformar- tion from a gravestone. Nebraska's the State For the man who rents an Iov.'a form, la Nebraska he can nuv a farm for the same- money ho now pays every two years for rent. " Land renters who want to become land owners should write to J. Francis,. G. P. & T. A., Burlington Route, Omaha, Neb-., for "Great Opportunities in Nebraska." It's chock full of valuable information, and it's free. Worth makes the man, but the commejr- cial agency gives his % 'heft." Farm Renters May Become Farm Owners If they move to Nebraska before the price | of land climbs out of sight. Write to- J. ' Francis, G. P. & T. A., Burlington Route, Omaha, Neb., for free pamphlet. It tells all about everything you need to know. or Silver eiisily found with MAGNETIC BOB. For partlculurs siUelross K. D. Fowlar, Box 3a7,SouHilngtou,Conn. CO PAXTrpQ MADE TO OKIMCU. Stuuplet <;» J. ii.li J-O ami nu'iisnro bluiikamailed free. Agts.wuntud. l-:il Uttlui.ua,:iUi 5tU St.,HeaMoine&,ltt. SPECULATION crutors, l:\rM or small, for trading on margins m btuck», ^rutnu. or provisions. Orders received on 1 per cent mar^lna. Our book, "Speculation, or How toTrudo," wltu Friday edition of Chicago Mall con- Ulnlnf our market letter, sciil free on reqnest. C. H. VAN WINKLE & CO., Brokers, 230 LaSalle St., Chicago. If you want to sell your farm In lown, write us for terms, enclosing stamp. Wo have agencies througU . the Mast from which wo Bet dnujr inquiries for land. If you want to buy a farm in Iowa. Nobrasku, South Dakota or Texas \vrlto us. Wo httvo thousands of acres for sale In those states ami can suit you ID prices and location. On February lath und Murcli l!!th wo will run un excursion at reduced rates to the famous Wichita Yalljty, Texas. If you wish to join the excursion write us. Wo havo farms to reut also. BURKE & BLAISE, SSfiSoiS?,S ; FARMS, J-K L " 7 >( I ^'1 * 1 K * <f T. P ISO'S* cu R-E : .;F,O:R. ana peopijl who have weak longs or Asth-1 I ma, should use FIDO'S Cure for I 1 Consumption. It bus cared I tbqunuudu. It has not iniuP' I I ed one. It Is not bad to take, I M is the best cough syrup. * ' gold everywhere. 85 O ; CONSUMPTION.