The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on December 20, 1893 · Page 2
Get access to this page with a Free Trial

The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 2

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, December 20, 1893
Page 2
Start Free Trial

' "'4""4''], • THIS tJPMBJPIS MOINES! ALG.QjjA, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, IMBfiBMBJBgQ» from Ho-Hdlvilu by the A'ta- tralia, tohich arrlved'at ; 8an Francsscn on the IGtli, "say the provisional /gov- ernmtfrnt is firm i&'ft.s intention to resist wiiy attempt -eo'restore the queen. It is"said the government can now cotn- map>B 2,500 artraetT men in case it 'needs them. The urgency -'deficiency bill, which "was recently 'reported to the house, carries an ^appropriation of Sl,6ol,< €M>. 'One of the fspans of the i Louisville .and Jefferson% 7 ille bridge, at Louisville, iKy., gave way on the 15th, and carried •down with 'it about sixty men who ^were working on the structure. The loss of life, it is said, will reach fifteen or twenty. Fire at Buffalo destroyed tho. Arcade blocks and the Yerxn building, adjoining. T-he loss will reach almost a million. • Four men •who robbed the fast train on the Southern Pacific, near Duvall, Tex., were captured. One resisted and •was shot. The supreme court of 'the state of Florida has rendered an opinion sustaining the'Talidity of the present municipal government of Jacksonville. An ordinance will now be passed permitting glove contests with police protection. The Corbett-MitchelM contest as now sure to take place ou January 25th. •The thirteenth annual session of the Farmers' Congress was held at Savannah, Georgia. B. F. Clayton, of Iowa, for nine years its secretary, was unanimously elected president. J. M. Stahl •was made secretary. Major Hardin, of Iowa, treasurer, and Major Ryals, of Georgia, vice-president. Thirty states •were in attendance. Parkersburg, W. Va., is the next place of meeting. Advices from Buenos Ayres on the ;13th, said Admirals Mello and DeGama •were firing on Rio Janeiro, and that all communication between the land and shipping 1 in the bay was suspended, A Washington dispatch says: The navy department received the following dispatch from Admiral Irwin, at Honolulu, dated Dec. 4, brought by the Oceanic to San Francisco: "The provisional government has a thousand men under arms, and the palace is prepared for defense." The iwelve men necessary to try Prendergast, murderer of the late Mayor Harrison of Chicago, have been secured. Advices from Hawaii up to the 4th say that "by Cleveland's arrangement with England, her soldiers are to land and protect the queen after the United States troops have seated her on the throne. A joint protectorate is planned like that of Samoa. At the unanimous and urgent demand of American citizens, the provisional government has decided to resist to the utmost extremity any attempt to overthrow by •Ui-ited- States force without authority from congress. Leading citizens will be generally foremost in defense. Indignation is at white heat There will be no surrender to a rotten Kanaka despotism or its Washington abettors. Twelve hundred volunteer riflemen are ready at call with large maxim and Uatling batteries. Minister Willis is pledged to the government to take no action before the returnof the Almeda, December 21. His instructions are still concealed." The cannon ball passenger on the Texas Pacific road was held up at Duvall, Texas, by six bandits. The .express car was looted and the passengers were compelled to yield their .money and valuables. The amount secured is variously estimated at from •$10,000 to $50,000. NEW YOKK, Dec.. .18.—E. O, puft •& Oo.'s weekly Teviiiw of trade says: "it is proof (ft the enormous v tftlity of tho country that, while mills are stopping- iiti <every direction. *i»d the army of unemployed is larger than it has been for many years, other mills a,rc constantly starting up to answer the dcnuind which a fcingte .year of, unprecedented disaster has only diminished. In dustry ! is doing nothing on speculation, Init the needs which the wonderful growth and past prosperity of the people have created are pressing upon i supplies exhausted by months of reduced production. Trade still waits as much as it can, and yet tlie volume, of business on a mere I hand-to-mouth basis is such as ' would have been called large a few years ago. Measured by clearing house exchange it is 19 per cent less than a year ago, the decrease being greater at the west and south and less at the enst. Measured by railroad earnings it is 13.U per cent less than a year | ago. the largest decrease of any week since September, partly because passenger increase no longer masks freight decrease and , partly because of demoralization in 1 trunk line freights, but while the decrease on those lines is 11.0 per cent it is 23.3 on western wheat-carrying roads and 20.1 on Pacific roads reporting. "Failures are numerous and large— 230 in the United States for the week, against 270 last year, and 40 in Canada, against 25 last year." THE NATIONAL TREASURY. DO!N6S 0> mid Statement of Its Classified Assets tho Demand Liabilities. WASHINGTON, Dec. 18 — The statement of the United States treasury showing the classified assets of the treasury and demand liabilities yesterday is as follows: ASSETS. Gold coin and bullion ........... $1 61,782,399 Silver dollars and bullion. .' ..... S;H,'J92,168 Silver dollars and bullion act July 14, 181)0 .................. 153,200,859 Fractional silver and minor coin 12,337,213 United States notes ............. 40,067,858 United States treasury notes. .. 1,216,1131 Gold certificates ................. 2fiO,790 Silver certiflcates ............... 5,888,300 National bank notes ........... , 12,712, 183 Deposits with national baiik depositories: General account ................ 11,495,833 Disbursing officers' balances. .. 3,604,811 A "reformer" named Vaillant has confessed to having thrown the bomb which was exploded a few days ago in the French chamber of deputies. He •says he intended to kill President Du- ,puy with the bomb, but a woman caught his arm. and it fell on a cornice. Vaillant declared that he had hoped to kill Casimir-Purier and at least 15'J deputies. A revised list shows that twenty-five were seriously injured, three or four being in a serious condition. Sixteen others received blight injuries. Advices from Brazil are to the effect that President Piexotto has placed an •embargo on the harbor of Uio Janeiro, and that Admiral lie (Jama has declared in favor of the revolutionists. It is expected that the entire navy will follow. * The bondsmen of (ie-orgt; Klock.son, the "fraud treasurer of the Knights of Hoiior of Kansas, who disappeared fro -a Fort Scott three months ago and foiled in a hospital at Fresno, Cal., have secured a warrant for his arrest, him with embezzlement. James Roberts, a business man of Qniuaamont, W. Va., had his throat cat from .ear to ear by a rival in a love aifair. Matthew Bitscn, wb,o murdered his wireand Mrs. Hern, will plead guilty at Janc-sville, Wis., to--day and receive a life sentence. Paul Bock, a swamper in the woods ji.-ar Keillsville, Wis., was found frozen •- i death, lie leaves a widow and ' - oily at Independence, Wi». The tug James A. Wright, ivith eev- ery.J persons on board, was ruir down and frunk by u bteawer in Mo'iilo bay, B;miughaiA- One life was> lost. Total $737,123,547 LIABILITIES. Gold certificates f 78.033,109 Silver certificates 3ill,S!)9,5l4 United States treasury notes.... 368,241,28.) Currency certificates 38,2:35,000 Disbursing officers' balances, agency accounts, etc 43.332..7C9 WORK FOR UNEMPLOYED. Northern Ohio Itlnnket mill at Clevo- I land to Start U|> Jan. 3. I CLEVELAND, Dec, 18.—The Northern Ohio Blanket mill will resume operations on Jan. 2 in all its departments, giving employment to ,?f>0 men. If. Ucchman, sahior inainbur of the (irm operating the mill, says: "1 hom: and expect to sea a fair and equitable adjustment of tho tariff question, but whatever its outcome may be our mills will start with tlu new year. We anticipate that our trade will be; gocd." i I)ick Koblnsoa Hanged tit Scilnlia. SEDAI.IA, Mo., Dec. 18.—Dick Robin- .son, colored, was hanged here. Kob- inson killed Johanna Schollman, a German servant girl with whom he had been intimate, because she threatened to force him to many her. A Fight With Death. Thousands of people have gone to their deaths with Uright's Disease of the Kidneys and Diabetes, without suspecting the nature of their trouble until within a- month or two of the grave. It is now declared by one of the most reputable drug associations in the country that these kidney troubles are the result of urasmic poisoning and that a certain cure has been d vered. The majority of people v tind health and strength gradui. j failing, either have no suspicion oi ihe nature of the trouble or having always been told that Uright's disease could never be cured have i-hrunk from the knowledge that they were victims of it. Now that a cure has been discovered, however, there need be no hesitation in learning what indicates the disease and each cas-e can be tested at home by the one interested without either expense or inconvenience. Progressive physicians are now agreed that for the several months beiore child-birth all women are especially subject to kidney troubles and tiiat tests should be made during tins time to determine whether sugar or albumen indicate kidney disease. The many cases of uruimio convulsions occasioning death at or preceding child-birth are due to this, which is too often overlooked or unsuspected. From all this it would feeern a plain duty to take advartage of ihe offer of The American Drug Association, whose address is Coclmower Building, Cincinnati, Ohio. The oll'er i-s that to each person sending their address a test outfit including full directions and apparatus for tho most accurate test for Uright's Disease and Diabetes will be sent securely packed in a wood case free of cost. The association is well known to us and can be depended upon to do jui>t what they say. Kx-Coji>;re»suiau Murphy's Funeral. DAVKNPOIJT, J 0 \va, Dec. 10.—The funeral of ex-Congressman J. H. Murphy, who died in Washington last Monday, was held here. It was one of the largest Davenport has seen. The remains were followed from the hotel to the Cathedral of the Sacred Heart by the city council and the Scott County JJar association iu a body, uud by delegations from tho Davenport Business Men's association and other societies. Bishop Cosy-rove paid- un eloquent tribute to his old Mend, the deceased. The floral tributes made u wagou load. *lagfe on thu Wie were at ha'f-s.taff. COLLISION eetwEEN PASSENGER AND FREIOHf TRAINS. • itec. 11.—A resolution was Introduced by ttoar calling on the president for further Information 1 ttS to his action in the Hawaiian affairs and arraigning him in bitter terms for having transcended hi? powers in ap ointing Blount 'Commissioner with param'ouht powers without consulting the senate, while the latter body was in session. After discussion, participated in by Hoar and Gray, the latter defending and the former at-, tttckinjr tho president, the resolution was ei 0 n-a7iour 1 ued 0 " m0rrOW ' ExBCUtiV6 S6S ~ LONDON, Dec. ] 8.-Dispatches from ' ' HOUSB. Soziiovka, Russia, state that a fatal An agreement wns reached that bill for ' collision has occurred near that place Admission ot Utah into the union would bo j which fourteen people were killed takoil up to-morrow. Little else was dune, t . , ./ \ , , SENATE. [outright, while half a hundred .Washington, Dec." 13.-Federal election " were seriously'injured A. BtJSdlAN t«tlKecn fcople plllotl Outright ami. llnlf « Hundred Others Jindly Injured—Tho C»rs Tnko Fire—Monsott. Murder Trial In Edinburgh. . law repeal bill c«m« up and Culloui of Illinois opposed it. Hill frequently interrupted with questions. Stewart fol lowed Culloru, niter which the senate adjourned. IIOTTSE. House went into committee of the whole •on the bill for tho admission <of Utah Several addresses wero made, n<nd -without •action the house adjourned. SENATE. Washington, Doc. lil.—Hoar's Hawaiian resolution was laid before senate, andl'Vyo •of Maiuo defended ex-Minister Stevens He said in point of ability ho was "para mount to : Blount and no president oouk change tho 'condition." Ho said Blount "had not written a single unvarnished line of truth, not Riven ono unprejudiced opinion, aior rendered one impartial judgment." Vest defended Blount and his report, and tho resolution was referred to committee ou foreign affairs. Executive Eossiou; adjourned. HOUSE. Bill for admission of Utah as a state was taken up, and after debate, passed. Hill's resolution calling on president for Hawaiian correspondence was amomlod so as to call for that of Harrison's administration also, and adopted. Adjourned. SENATE. "Washington, Dec. It.—Voorhees Intro- dncedibill for tho coinage of seigniorage of silver'in the treasury at the rate of $2,000,000 monthly. After this is coined, monthly silver purchases of S3,000,000 to ho resumed. Referred to finance committee. House bill to repeal federal election laws was re ported favorably. Executive session; adidunned. no USB. Bill for improving methods of accounting in the postotlice department passed. Hills for admissiou of Arizona and Now Mexico wero mode special order after morniug hour until passed. Republicans filibustered when llrst bill came up and house adjourned. HOUSE. Washington, Dec. 15.—Bill for admission of Arizouu was taken up, aud after debate passed hy a vote of 185 to 01. Bill for admission of New Mexico was considered In committee of the whole, but before adjournment the committee rose without having completed consideration. HOUSE. Washington, Dec. 10.-Urgency deficiency bill came up and Cannon of Illinois addressed the house on tho clause appropriating -$200,000 for special pension examiners. He attacked the pension policy of tho administration. Livingston of Georgia defended tho administration, as also did Euloe. Blair of Now Hampshire, Lacey of Iowa and Morse arraigned Commissioner Lochieu. Adjourned without action. FIRE IN NEW YORK. Henry Sliolseii & Bro.'s Furniture Factory In Flumes. NEW YOUK, Dec. 18.—AVhat promised to be a most disastrous conflagration raged in the block bounded by Forty- ninth and Fiftieth streets and Third and Second avenues. The fire started at 12:30 o'clock in the furniture factory of Henry Thoesen & Bro.,on the northeast corner of Forty-ninth street and Third avenue. The building- is an eight-story brick- structure. At 1:45 o'clock tlie firemen succeeded, after a hard battle, in (retting the flames under control. Up to 0:30 no loss of life had been reported and it was then believed that everybody had escaped from the burned building's. At this time it is hard to estimate the loss, but it will be very heavy. I'hoesen's building was valued at $250,000 and is a total loss. They place the damage to their stock at 875,000. Vogel Bros.'building- and stock were damaged to the extent of §">(),000 and the building at 311 East Forty-ninth street was entirely gutled, as were the two houses at 213 and 214 East Forty- ninth street. The stock in Tlioescu's store had been materially decreased through the assignee's siile. The buildings were all well insured. TO VISIT NICARAGUA. Tho Si'mi to Takes Action Favorable to National Control of the Cnnul. WASHINOTOX, Dec. 18.—Tho house commerce committee adopted Ilepi-C' sentativo Doolittle's resolution for a commission to visit Nicaragua and inspect the canal, after hearing Senators Fryc and Morgan in its support mid in favor of encouraging the canal project. The resolution will be reported to the house to-day. It provides for a commission of three senators and six representatives to be appointed by the presiding officers of both houses, which is to proceed to Greytown as soon as appointed, to go thence over the canal, route and report to congress on the present condition of the work, the feasibility of the project, and its probable cost. The committee is understood to bo unaiii- mi.jsly in favor of tho control of the great project by the United States. Tho I'reuilergast Trhil. CIIK-AOO. Dec. IS.—The trial of the assassin Prendcryast goes on slowly, the object of the del'cnss being solely to prove the insanity of their client. Precautions are being taken for the safety of the prisoner on his way to and from the court-room, as it is feared violence may be attempted. FIGHTING AT RIO, Cojiau Island and lincbuilaa in Possession of the IiisurKcuta. WASHINGTON, Dec. 15.—The big battle expected to take place in the harbor of Hio Janeiro has begun at last. The navy department received the following cable message from Capt. Picking: "kio T>K JANEIRO, Dec. 15.—Copa.s island and Enchadas are in the pos- scst-ion of Admiral di Uamu [the insurgent commander]. The former is well f ortiiied, and is continually firing upon the custom hou&e and naval arsenal The collision was between a passenger train and a heavy freight. All the. •cars and both engines were thrown from the track and badly -broken and later lire broke out. TUB MONSON MUItUXiR TKIAT,. Wife of the Prisoner Not In Court — Insurance Testimony. EuiNHunou, Dec. 18.—Interest in the trial of Alfred J. Monson is developing- as the case proceeds. The seat which is reserved for tho wife of the prisoner was not occupied this morning, aud it was noted that Monson looked anxious and weary. The .managers of the London and Liverpool and Globe Insurance company at, Glasgow and Leeds testified that Monson endeavored to obtain a large insurance on.the life of Lieut. Hambrough, but the insurance was refused because Monson was unable to prove an insurable iaterest on the young lieutenant. The secretary of the Scottish Provident Insurance company testified that Monsoii applied for $20,000 insurance on Ilambrough's life, which was refused. A clerk in the employ of Kent, Ford & Co. testified that in 1892 Monson was bankrupt, with assets of only £25, against debts of £2,000. Attack on Von Cnnrivl. BEKr/LN, Dec. 18.—The debate on the third reading of the commercial treaties began in the reichstag. Count Herbert Bismarck attacked the policy of Chancellor von Caprivi, saying tlxit the chancellor's recent utterances gave the house the impression that he had become a free-trader. According to Count Bismarck,'it is the small farmers owho have suffered the most through .the government's commercial policy. . Bomb Found In a Church. LONDON, Dec. 18.—A bomb charged with powder and shot and with a lighted match attached to it has been found in a church at Uzlen, Hanover. THE AIV1ICK TREATMENT. I'ormuiient Change of Climate Is Boue- lleiul. CINCINNATI, Dec. 18. —(Special.)—At a meeting of physicians prescribing the the Amick Cure for Consumption, called to discuss with the discoverer, at his home here, his published assertion that change of climate is unneces- ary, Dr. Amick said to-day: "A warm, dry climate is benificent if the patient, stays in it permanently, but harm always results from a stay of a few weeks or months, when the patient returns to a colder temperature or lower altitude. Unless patients desiring my treatment," he said, "Can go away to remain until May, I advise them to :ake the .-ncciicine in the comfort of ;heir own homes, but before they leh'nitely abandon any proposed trip, depending absolutely on my discovery to cure them, 1 urge each to first try ,he treatment free of expense, and ,hen decide for themselves. I, there- tore, furnish free test medicines for all 'laving any lung trouble to enable both physician and patient to judge by re- suits." Chicago Hoard of Trade. CHICAGO, Dec. 15.—There was a better feeling in wheat during the morning. The market opened around 6~o, the low point of he liquidation yesterday. There M'n« fit once better signs of support. The us were general causing bare fields and u u.ud wave is predicted to follow over the wheat aolt. Private cables brought the news that :he revised Eussiau wheat crop was reduced a ',000,000 bu. Beerhohoa late cable said 50,000,000 less than previous estimate. Private advices said the French mini-.try will soon reduce duty to aid peasants. Altogether the trade bad many helps on the buyer side. The il call" price was easily jassed and }<Jo gain from tho opening recorded. Then the force petered out. The ;rade became very dull. May opened 07@ 'c, sold (17u aud up to 07^(sS07^s« and leld around G7;,f@G7)su. Quotations were: Articles. Wh't, a— Dec.... • >an.... ilay.... torn, Ji- l)eo.... Jan.... May.... Oats, 3— Deo.... Jnu.... May... Pork- Den. .,. Jan.. .. May... , Lard— Dec;.... Jan.... Wav. .. 8. Uib3.. Deo.... Jau May.... Higbest Lowest. .40 13.50 13.70 7 .HO r.0% 6.47% 0.55 .67 OLO3INTO. Dec. 15. 40 50 8.40 6.50 .S5'< .3-%' .80% 12.40 12.55 7.50 6.42.!,; 6.5D Deo. 14. 13.70 7.80 6.60 .Trust's Directors lluiir Tiikaiuine. I'EOKIA, 111., Dec. 1U.— The whisky trust directors were in session all day yesterday, but were unable to dispose of the business before -them. In answer to an inquiry it was stated at headquarters that there would bo nothing to give out before to-morrow evening. It is expected an adjournment will bu taken by that time. Trust headquarters wero surrounded by an anxious crowd of distillers all day. Mr. Takumine was closeted for a long tirnu with the directors and it is presumed he was telling about his recent experiment at the Manhattan distillery , HtJMOB, A PASSlMQ GLIMPSE At LIFfi'S FUNNY SIDE. A.,Vivid Pietnro of Life In the 1'ho Tramp's Grcnteit Bogy—A Talo of Feline fc6v6—Drive Away Bull Cnro by Reading Tills. It The Bondaee of FnShlohi "A steam yacht's an expensive luxury, and as times- are hard and I'm getting pretty tired of min?. I think I'll sell it next spring." "Sell it?" exclaimed his wife. "Impossible. You can't afford to. . Our neighbor, Mrs. Buckstone, tells me her husband has just given an order to have his lengthened six feet." "What!" he shouted, jumping from his chair, "I thought Buckstone was going to sell too. Mary, I must have ten feet added to mine ' or buy a new yacht." At tho Salmagundi Club. First Artist—I'm pleased to notice the evidence of your prosperity. Hold a picture? Second Artist—This is entre nous, old fellow. All summer I've been painting placards reading, "World's Fair highest medal awarded to our house," and sold them to every piano manufacturer in the country. Alum's the word. Offended Citizenship. A Koclpe, Miss Helen Holcomb (to colored dot* and preparing to write)—Now, aunti<J, about those beautiful waffles you malco. How many eggs? Aunt Hepzibah—Well, Miss Helen, dat 'wends 'pon wheddah de hens i» layin' pnhty well er not. Ef, dey is I us'nlly use free, ah' ef dey ish 11 uses, two, er eben oiie. Miss Helen —And how much milk/ Aunt Hepzibah-Well, I puts away de milk ober night in dat dor little pitchah fo' de woffles, an' ef de cat doan 1 git at it an' drink as far dowiuas, she gits her haid inter de pitch all I uses it all; an' ef she do I uses a leetle wiihm watah, 'cordin' t' whad she dun. drunk. Miss Helen—And butter? Aunt Hepzibah-Ob, yes; yo 1 hns t. hab buttah fo' woffles. I'o k-fat i pow'ful good fo' fryin' hominy an' greusin' griddle:-:, an it's good fo' a. buhn an' fo' oilin' de ha'r; but yo' has. t' hab buttah fo' woffles. M iss JI elen—A nd E alt? Aunt llepvdbah— Oh, yes; yo' has t' hab salt. I'ookin' 'd taste might funny Hhout salt. Miss Helen—And how much baking- powder? • , Aunt Hepzibah—Well, cf clar's bin a thuudah-stohm in de night or de wed- dah s bery within, er yo s bin eookin' pickles roun' de kitchen so 's t' sowtth do milk, yo' doan' 'use no bakinV pow- : rtah ! t all; jes a loetlj sal ratus—not toe ' much so 's t maik de wailles taste ob brimstone, like dey'd bin baked ober be 'tarnal flab, an' look do cuilah, ob yo'ah uncle liphrum when he done got. de janrters, but jes' a leetle bit. An' ef: yo' does use hakin 1 powd'.ih it's jes' 'cordin' t' de 'mount ob llouahyo' uses. Miss Helen—And how much flour do you use, auntie? Aunt llepzibah—Jes' enuffl, houcyj. jes' cnuft'. •'' Too Fresh. v *Don't make a joke of that Idntt again," said the city editor to the new reporter who, in an interview about.. the failure of the Veragua fund, had' referred to the duke as "a Spanish fly." "What's the matter with it?" innocently asked the tyro. "Matter with it'? Why, a 'Spanish fly' never fails to draw."' Mr. Anglais—Why. there isn't a bit of activity in your whole blamed town. Big Ike—No, that's so; but there will be, shortly— Dance, yer blooming duffer; dance! Well Versed In Jjivislon. 1'a—Bobby, the school-teacher, informs me that you are well up in division. .Bobby—-Yes, sir. Pa—Well, Hobby, suppose I told you to divide this apple equally between your little sistar and yourself—how much would she get? Bobby—The core. Kallrond Civility. Old lady (to fat party on seat in front of her)—I'd thank you to close that window, .sir. I'm literally covered Not Tlmt Kind. The brakeman on Conductor H alley's train on the New York Central was lighting the gas, and the process was slow. "Say, conductor," called the old lady from Skaneateles, "can't y' put a stop to that ere sewer effluvia?" And Conductor 11 alloy dropped his head on his breast and \vept. A .Remedy Suggested. Physician—Madam, your tong-uo Is of an abnormal size. You should have it reduced. Patient—What Would you advise me to do? Physician—Are yon an actress? Patient—No, doctor. D Physician—Then you might join Sorosi.s. Well Divided. Mistress—I suppose you had a fine time at the wedding, Mary Ann? Mary Ann—Indaau an'we had, mum. AVe danced 'til the brith av loife wasn't lift in us; an' at supper the broide's | cake was broke over her head an' into a hundred halves. Sox in Garments. Mamma'—Did you find your tincle ' Tom sick in bed, Arthur? I Arthur (aged 7J—No, mamma. He i was sitting up with his Father Hubbard wrapper on; an' he was eating some tea. "What Won't Love Enduro?" passenger (opening- his with dust. grip-sank)—I always like to be obliging', madam. Here's a whisk-broom. Two of a Kind. Phil Anthropy—I am trying to get poor Dringcupp into the inebriate asylum. I thought I'd step down to the court and see if Judge McJagg could, help me. Sim Pathixer—The very man if you can only find him sober. Kxplulnlng Ills I'oHltion, Mrs. Kingley(visiting Mrs. Slimson) Your mamma says you have been a real good little boy to-day, Willie. I am sure you are always so, aren't you? Willie—No'm. Pop's having the house re-shingled. Compensation. (irace—It must have been hard for poor Mr. Klauth to perform the service at May's \yedding. Every one says he was dead in love with her. Ethel—Poor, dear man! I hope ho received a big fee. No Admission. Satyr—Let we hie with thee to yonder vernal bath. Nymph—Avauut, thou monster, to V ^W^S x w^/.^- tho Turkish process party to-day. ! This is a '; The Clean Shirt I!o£y. Ji. Her Second. Essie—Doctor, my toof hurts me an' mamma says I must let you look at it. Dentist—All right, little one; is it your first? Essie—No, it's my twooth that hurts. Kecipo for UUIilunce. Ho jack—Callowill is always trying to borrow money from me. I wish I knew how to get rid of him.. Tomdik—I'll tell you. Hojack—How? Tomdik—Lend him some. Jotted Down, Georgie—Mamma, Ethel's no fun at all any more; she bawls at every little thing. Ethel—Don't believe him, mamma; he's pinched me all full of black-and- blue memorandums. A new suburban device to keep tramps away. Substitutes. "You don't have uionarchs in this country," said the foreigner, musingly. ".Not by that name," replied the native. "Wo have servant girls, however." __ Ilia Ifirst Table P' Hote. Waiter— Wpz nex' sir? (jrubblcsteiu — You zee, I lost my placa — 1 doii'd know vere I vasal. 1 tell you vat I do. I fahturts all I miss . . Too Much If or Words. Algie—She took tho cigawotte wight out of me mouth and threw in. thu titweet. Chollic—What did you say? Algio—Nothing at all; just cwied. More Like It. Hunker—Miss Kilduff is a girl of the period. She is always asking questions. tipatts—In that c;i&j I should call her a girl of the interrogation-point. At tho lilummisteiu Rail. "Stop dot higgubbing, Isaac!" "1 cun't lu.-lb it, my tear! Dot nuiMc is yust intoxicating!" Full Stylus. Oh, women of fashion adupliu? fall style.?, Mow in u eh 'twouiii Hstumsij us nil If you should i-e.'e t as tho fu.sljion (jo-day Tho style that wa.-i ut tLie lull! A I'friliifiut Question. fcjhe—Army life always hud u churn* 1'or me. tie—Cegular or salvation? ! j>'-J*^i^*i^As42&^lwifiLi^^

What members have found on this page

Get access to

  • The largest online newspaper archive
  • 8,900+ newspapers from the 1700s–2000s
  • Millions of additional pages added every month

Try it free