J#CTil ft'^ ^gP**y' ™»7' IS; "*^n "V 5 J ?rf <r,- - "** UT ' "'?4 "?M vte It is said the tariff bill will not be issed uat.il sometime in January. \ * A bftfeb^thrOw^r, supposed to ,be ft'n / 'ftnftrdtlJst, ''tbrevfc a bomb from one oJ the gallerins into the pit of the French chatnber'Of deputies on the afternoon &i the oth while that body was m ses- 'sion. The bomb exploded prematurely, going off in mid-ail 4 , above the heads Of the deputies. Had it not exploded Until striking the floor, the list of .fatalities would have been appalling. ,'As it was, the list of injured will reach * labo tit -'fifty, including fifteen deputies. j^fone of the number will die. It is thought the bomb-thrower is in cus- !tody. j iln the case of A. Bagnetto vs. the toity of New Orleans, growing out of .the Mafia lynching affair, the jury ren- jdered a verdict for the widow against ithe city for §6,000 damages. | The cashier of the South Bend, Ind., <National bank went out to lunch at noon, and while he was gone some one 'entered the rear of the building and 'stole $15,000 from the vault, which he ^believed he had locked. | -Senator Voorhees recently intro- 'duced a bill declaring that a pension is ia vested right; regulating the suspdn- ;sions of pensions; granting appeals tc the supreme court of the District of Columbia; also a bill defining sundry icrimes against the United States ad miaistration'of the pension laws. Both :bills were referred to the pension committee. i A convention of silver miners was ar- rainged by Governor Waite of Colorado. Eighteen delegates, representing ten mining camps, were present. By a vote of 10 to 8 they adopted a resolution requesting the governor to call a special session of the legislature for the purpose of making silver coined by sister republics legal tender in Colorado. 'Congressman Hitt, ex-chairman of the foreign affairs committee of the 'Louse, introduced two resolutions, .bearing on the Hawaiian policy of the government, the first calling for the ^papers iu the case and the second as iollows: "Resolved, That it is the sense ,of the house that the intervention by ^he government of the United States, \its representatives or armed forces, in •the affairs of a friendly recognized •'government, to disturb or overthrow at.and substitute a monarchy therefor, .'is-contrary to the policy and traditions f 'the republic and tne spirit of the 'constitution." . 'On the Cth a statue of the late Gen. .'James Shields, erected id the hall of 'statuary of the national capitol, was •unveiled with appropriate ceremonies. ' The British ship Jason, enroute from Calcutta • $o Boston, went ashore of •Kestbam, Mass., aud broke in two amicfehips. Her crew, numbering itwenty-six persons, was washed overboard,, and only one of the number was rescued. President Cleveland has renorninated W. B. Hornblower to be associate justice of the supreme court; he has also renominated N. B. Ashby, of Iowa, to be consul at Dublin. . The barkentine Klickita arrived at Port Townsend, with advices from Honolulu up to the 20th of November. In an interview published in the Honolulu Evening 1 Star, Minister Willis is reported to have said: "You are authorized to state that no change will take place for several weeks. I brought with me certain instructions from the United States government on the Hawaiian situation. Since my arrival contingencies have arisen about which neither the United States government nor myself were aware when I left Washington. I thought it best in the exercise of the discretion allowed to .submit these matters to Washington before proceeding further to carry out my instructions. No one need fear trouble and DO lawlessness will be permitted." J. J, Van Alen, recently appointed by the president as ambassador to Italy, and whose appointment was later confirmed by the senate] has written a letter to Secretary Gresham, declining to accept tb,e appointment, because of the charges that be was given the appointment in payment of a debt, incurred when Van Alen contributed 850,000 to the democratic campaign fund. The conference between the joint arbitration committees of New York and New Jersey on owe hand, and the representatives of the kehigh Valley strikers on the other, lias begun at Bethlehem, Pa. The strikers feel con- fidf-iit with tbe daily occurrence of bad accidents, due to incompetent trainmen, that their prospects of win- ping are brightening, The strike on the Lehigh road has been declared off, the officials of tbe f /freeing to reeogn}?e organised future, to ^11 existing vacancies with .union men an3 to give »nion _ tnejj places »s fast as vacancies occur. ,Th0 Nfi*y Yorlj &nd Npv? Jersey boards f»f rbJUrtipfl ha^e the credit for brjng- nt fttid Interstate Railroad eonveiitioft was occupied yesterday M the consideration 6f plans for pttttiBg th& north atid' south schame in motion and fot* raising fttttda wit which to construct the road. The plan as .adopted .contemplates a road fro.H the British posses- sk>t«,to tho gulf, traversing the states of. North ftfad South Hakota, Netorastfa, Kansas, Oklahoma' and Texas, With branches reaching Arkansas, Missouri', Iowa aad Minnesota. It regnires a board of provisional directors, one from each state, whose duty it will be to Secure charters, push legislation, secure capital, , make -surveys, accumulate chattels and btilld und o'* rate parts of the road. It provides that vv.hen five states ihave authorized lit, the .directors shall turn the property over to the railway commissioners of the several states.to be held forever in 'trust for the people -or until ,tli6 general government may buy 'Che road at actual cost. Tho imoney with which to^ ..carry .on .the work -will be raised by issuing 4 per cent .construction bonds in denominations of five dollars each and multiples thereof, payable .at the option of the road and receivable for all kinds of traffic. Forty year 4 per cent first mortgage bonds will also be issued to be taken by the several states and purchased from tho school funds. Tlie- provisional directors appointed are Lieutenant Governor Edward Wallace of North Dakota, Lieutenant Governor B. C. Harr- well of :South Dakota, C. J. Randall of Nebraska, F. J. Close of Kansas, S. J. Clarke of Oklahoma, VV. S. JCimpton of Texas, H. Halvorson of Minnesota, ex- Governor Larrabee of Iowa, R. M. Dake of iMissouni, L. P. Featherstone of Arkansas, M. :S. Stoddard of Omaha, diructor-at-large and chairman of the board. The convention adjourned without a date. RETffl NO WauR v foliate* Ato th* , 'LtittntSt Known—i'rade all Ovcf the CoubtfJ in A Waiting Condition—Good Supply •at Curranty* Bank'e Proposition Accepted. MILWAUKEE, Wis., Dec. 11.—The county board has accepted the proposition of the Commercial bank for the payment of the 5310,000 of county money which was tied up'in the bank when it suspended. The proposition provides for the payment .of §50,000 to the county when the bank resumes and $15,000 a month thereafter. The rate of interest is to be 3 per cent. It is stipulated that 8, r > per cent of the ireditors shall accept similar terms and the bank shall resume by Jan. 15, YORK-, Dec. 11.— U. G. Dun& Oo.'s weekly review of trade says: Trade of all kind is waiting. There is no visible improvement, and on the whole indications are a little leas satisfactory than they were a xveek a£o. The volume of business measured by clearing house returns outside Next York show a decrease of duly 12 per cent compared with last year, which is encouraging, but as the statement covers -the payments for the fh-st of the month it may not correctly measure the volume of new transactions. The reports from the other cities show it hesitating trade almost everywhere, with ;a decided disposition to wait until congress has acted on the tariff question, •Hence the delay and uncertainty are likely to last for some weeks. The speculative markets have not moved much. In railroad stocks there has been a slight decline of 50 cents per share, and in trust stocks nearly as much, without .much excitement hi either market. Railroad earnings are fairly encouraging, for they show a decline of only 4 per cent compared with last year, and in freight earnings the decrease is only 7 per cent. The eastern roads continue to show some gainj and on the southern roads there May Remove the Disloyalty Bar. WASHINGTON, Dec. 11.—The house judiciary committee has reported a bill providing for extending- the act for the settlement of the captured and abandoned property war claims. There i.s a fund of $11,000,000 in the treasury which would be immediately affected by the extension of the abandoned property act. The legislation recommended will receive further attention. DOINGS OF CONGRESS. 4s ^fee, resujt of a conference at Bcfch- of sg- SENATE. Washington, Doc. 4. — Senate assembled at noon. Committees wore appointed to inform the house that senate wusiu sussion and to notify the president that congress was ready to receive any communication he might wish to submit, oud the senate adjourned for an hour. Message was then received, read and laid upon the table. Adjourned, HOUSE. After house had been called to order and committees had been appointed, recess was taken. Message was received and road. and then as a murk of re.rpect for tho memory of tho late Representatives O'Neill and Lilly of Pennsylvania, the house adjourned. SENATE. Washington, Doc. 8.— Senate took up Hawaiian matter and Doiph spolie against the president's proposed action. He favored the annexation of tho islands, giving them suitable government and exercising control over them. Hoar offered a resolution calling on the president for official corresponceuco relative to Hawaiian matter. Laid over. (Senate then adjourned as a mark of respect for tho memory of the lato Representative O'Neill. HOUSE. Martin of Kansas introduced in tho houso a bill prohibiting the suspension of any pensioner until it has been conclusively proven that the pension was obtained by fraud ; also one for an appeal from tUo secretary of the interior to the supremo court of the District of Columbia in tbr, pension decisions. Houso went into committee of the whole on the bankruptcy bill ; but little was accomplished when house adjourned. SENATE. Washington, Doc. 0. — Hawaiian question was taken up and debated hotly, and resolution calling for information was adopted. Executive session. Adjourned. HOUSE. Resolution instructing secretary of the interior to furnish the grounds upon which some 1.1)00 pensioners iu state of Ohio were suspended rrorn rolls subsequent to July 4, 1808, was referred to committee on pensions. Adjourned. SKNATE. Washington, Dec. 7.— Henate bill to reimburse the state of Nebraska for the expenses incurred ID repelling the threatened Invasion and raid of the Sioux in 181)0 and ISftl was passed. Without transacting little other business of importance, senate went into executive session and soon adjourned. HOUSE. House resolved itself into committee of the '.vliole on the bankruptcy bill. Bailey wade a vigorous speech in opposition to the bill and said it could not be amended so as to make it acceptable. Oates defended it, denying that the bill had any harsh provisions. Committee rose and bouse adjourned. HOUSE. Washington, Dec. B. — Bankruptcy bill came up. Col. Oates, champion of the measure, declined to allow the house to vote on a substitute providing for a voluntary system of bankruptcy. Bland then moved to strike out the enacting clause. Thus the bill was defeated by a vote pf 143 to 1 11. Bill for admission of Utah met with determined filibustering on the part of the republicans and it went over. _ Iiupriioucd in 4 ISurnlug Mine. HAZIJSTON, Pa., Dec. 7.—A report has reached here that the U-ystal Ridge mine is burning and that a number of the men are imprisoned, Tlie flames, ars &a id to be filling the slope. Eleven of the inineus at work have been accounted for, but four are said $•> be fatilj in the mine. i£i»iu Seriously Vf. V., Pec. f. 111. tas D Jflh w \y. ot St. Louis, who is a small decrease, but the decline on western roads is still heavy, running from 7 to 10 per cent, with even larger declines in the Pacific roads. Wheat lias risen a shade. The western receipts were only 3,577,281 bushels, against 6,61)4,380 for the same week lust year, while the exports from Atlantic ports were only 427,484 bushels, against 1,831,400 for the same week last year. 'The receipts of corn were ^unusually large amounting to 3,227,771. bushels, against 2,706,7 (JO for the same week last year, and the exports were 889,066 bushels, against 327,500 last year. The movement of cotton was not encouraging to holders and appearances indicate a larger supply on plantations than had been expected. The receipts at the ports for the week were 258,205 bales, against 212,517 for the same week last year, but the exports were 189,876 bales, against 114,235 last year. The price declined an eighth, with strong evidence that the continued heavy receipts are wearying- to holders. The cotton manufacturer does better than other branches at present, and yet has not a very healthy appearance. The demand is not strong and pi-ices cf goods are barely maintained. The disposition to buy with great caution and to confine purchases to actual requirements is more clearly manifested than in previous weeks. In woolen goods the sense of disappointment is very clear and there seems no reason to expect any decided recovery until congress has acted on the tariff question. Several works have stopped production during the last week and others are running- only to fill orders which will soon be exhausted. No quotable change is noted in prices, but the sales of wool for the week have been only 3,747,500 pounds, against 4,75U,500 for the corresponding week last year. In the iron and steel manufacture there are symptoms of improvement. The eastern markets are waiting, and while one company lias gone into the market as a speculative buyer,, taking about 18,000 tons, it is said, and there have been large purchases of pipe iron also, the general tone of the market is not improved. There is a feeling that the new steel rail combination will result in a decided decrease in the demand for rails and also for pig iron, and at Philadelphia and Pittsburg no improvement in price is seen. Copper is somewhat stronger, with 10>£ cents bid and the evidences of a combination of producers accumulate. Lead has remained unchanged in price, and in tin prices have been almost stationary. The bank reserves, amounting to 8198,000,000, are the largest exer known, and there is a feeling that the accumulation of idle money here is somewhat dangerous to legitimate trade, but as yet there appears no indication of speculative excitement in products or in stocks. The increase in circulation during the month of November was abotit $8,000,000, although there was -no demand for additional currency in any of the interior markets, and the evidence is clear that the supply of currency is far in excess of the needs of business. The failures for the week number 380 in the United States, against 271 for tho corresponding week last year, <incl 42 in Canada, against 36 last yeai-. Dec H—O'JnCials of \ treasury have been TSUggestingf i.. provements in the phraseology of the Custom's administrative features 'of the Wilson tariff: bill, and as a result many ambiguous clauses have been modified. "It is a matter of regret," said an official, "that we have not had a commis* siott of experts wlicfsis duty it would-be to pass on the construction of all billa affecting the customs revenue 'which ,are proposed for enactment. This 'would relieve the treasury from many nmbarrassments when new laws come to be put into practical operation, All bills affecting the customs in England go through the hands of the eompais- sioner of customs, and the , result is beneficial. A few words will frequently make a great difference in a law, and in no case is it better demonstrated than in that affecting the cldssiflca« tion of hat trimmings, where the words 'any other material, have cost the government eni..f,ss litigation and.mil- lions of money." Meynr Will be Convicted. NEW YORK t)ec. 11.—After the usual preliminary proceedings that attend an important criminal trial, the state in the action against Dr. Henry (?. F. Meyer before Judge Barrett in. the court of Oyer and Terminerfor murder plunged into the depths of the conspiracy yesterday by calling August Wimmers, alias Carl Muller, tatho witness stand. The witness, the self- confessed accomplice of Dr. Meyer; related the plot and coolly described the murder of "Baum." The conviction of both Meyer and his wife is looked unon as certain. *. AND HUMOR ORIGIN Aft In tfio Wild and Woollf, We"** —Logical Conclusion t>t ft Tfanip— A Mdn on tile liank Illustrated— Satire. Appropriation!) for the Navy. WASHINGTON Dec. 11—Mr. Cummings of New York, chairman of the house committee on naval affairs, thinks the appropriations for the naval establishment will not be cut clown by this congress, although lie expects a light will be made, and he is prepared to see Chairman Sayres of the appropriations committee lead such a fight. Mr. Cumin ings will urge that the demands for the navy are greater than they were when the last appropriations were made, and certainly that the contract engagements of the government must be met. t Chicago Board of Trade. CHICAGO, Doc. 8.—The wheat market opened a fraction igher at TOc on May contracts. Then there was a plunge to 69}^@ I5!»%c, a rally to 6U^@bl)%c and a second dip to the low point at midday. The De- cernter was 64^"c and sold 63^c. There was an official dispatch from Washington saying that the crop report to-morrow will not dwell on the reduced acreage in wheat. On the late drive after 12 o'clock surely enough came out to make 5,000,000 wheat thrown overboard in two hours. From €!)•!£ c the late slump was to 08%@63c, making a shade more than Ic break from the opeuinsr. This was all in the nature of a mild selling panic in «,the face of severity-nine cars hero, only 166 at Duluth, a report of good export sales at Baltimore aud fresh export business in progress at New York. But exports were light at 87,000 wheat and 37,000 brls flour. There was but %c recovery to 60@§9^c up to the last half hour. The selling was renewed during the last hour and prices took nnother plunge. The' late break was to G2J!.iC December and to 68%c May. Quotations were: Articles. Wh't, B— Dec.... Jnn .... May.... Corn, 2* Deo.... Jan .... May.... Oats, 2— Doo.... Jan.. .. May... Pork- Dec Jan . . .. May... . Lard- Dec Jan .... May. .. 8. Bibs.. Deo Jan May.... Highest MH • i • i • • • • .70 .30^ .3B& MY* .23K .!&% •Bltf 13 .10 18.17K 8.13><f T.90 ti.85 0.90 Lowest. .02% t CLOS INO. Dec. 8. .03% . .68^ .V&% WM .35% .40 .28# .28% •30X ia us 13.80 7.85 7.75 0.70 fi.75 .85X .85% •4% .28# .28% .30% 18.05% 13.07>£ 8.10 7.90 «. 85 0.87U Dec. 7. .61 '.60% .S«K •3B>£ .40% .23% .39^ .»ltf 12,05 12.8-^ T.PSJi 7.75 0.07^ 0.75 Calleil to 1'owor. ROME, Dec. il. — Sig. Crispi. arrived yesterday and had a conferenc; with the king, who asked hinvto fori* a, cabinet, Sig. Crispi agrees to uudci take the. task conditionally. It i believed that he will be able to obtaii. a solid ministry. C»u»o ot Losnpjf, Dec, 9,— r-The inquest upon the remains of the late Prof. Tyndall has re&ultejl in the verdict that the professor died, from an overdose of chloral accidentally administered by his wife in jni&take for sulphate oi 4TIJB.ee 9, —Tbe prince of . f £8,ftd master pj Literary Notes. The Century some time ago published a narrative by Rev. Washington Gladden entitled "The Cosmopolis City Club," the leading idea therein being a renovation of niuniciDal politics, government, etc. To some extent the bad features of our present system were shown up and remedies were suggested. It was an interesting subject and written in an entertaining manner. The work lias now been issued in book form by the Century Company, and will doubtless have a large sale. Harper's Bazar for Dec. 2nd, devote^ a large share of its attention to Christmas presents. There are three articles on this subject. One paper discusses china and silver, a second handiwork, and the third gifts for invalids. A feature is a page picture of needle wprk done by members of the Young Women's' Christian Association of New York. One of the Century Company's neatest volumes is a book of poems, by the ever entertaining James Whitcomb Riley, copiously illustrated by E. W. Kemble. The voluiae bears the title of '>l j oems liepe at. Home," and every one of the precious verses therein reaches the heart and creates a love for the honest, homely poetry of the IndJan poet. The frontispiece to the December Review of Reviews is an extremely interesting 1 new portrait of Gladstone and his favorite little grandchild, Corothy Prew. Jt is frotn a, photograph taken as recently as October 13 of the present year. The "Progress of tho W_orld" department discusses the Hawaiian question, tariff revision, tho recent state elections, the uavul war in JJrastl, the Matafeele war, the strike^ |he |m,ure of ' " In a BacK Seat. , , Mr. De ,Styie---What's 1 Wrong, 'n love? Mrs. De Style—All my work and worry go for nothing. 1 am no longer the first lady in our set. I have become a more nobody sihce that Mrs. Oldfam came back. Mr. DeStyle—Why should that be? She had noble ancestors) but so had you. She has valuable 1 ' heirlooms, but so have you. < Mrs. De Style—All of nO use How. Her husband was killed on the Matter- horn, and vou never even climbed it. Art Notes from tho Wost. Col. Sam Slashing (of Howling Wolf Art Gallery).—I say, young feller, yer want ter git that frightened, embarrassed look off'n yer lace and substitute a mild, pleasant expression; an' yer wanter bo quick abotit it. See?— Puck. • Stun (In to rtc-ason. Mrs. Hayseed(noticing the fire-escapes at a city hotel)—-I wonder what them outside stairs are fer? <! Mr. Hayseed—Use yer brains. Miranda, if you've got any. This is a hotel, ain't it? "Of course." "Well, a hotel has all sorts o' people in it, and tain't likely they all g-itupat the .same time, is it?" "1 s'pose not." "Course not. Some .goes to work earlier than others, and some has to catch, trains. I s'pose them outside stairs is so the early risers can git down to the pump without makin' any noise." —New York Weekly. A Decided Gump. Dora—Mr. Nicefello seems to have a bad cold. Clara—Well, it's his own fault. When lie called last evening, he sat down on a chair way off by himself, although there were loads of room on the sofa. Then, to give him an excuse for moving, I complained of the heat, and opened the window behind him, but there he staid, like a gump, the whole evening. A Satisfactory Explanation. Mother—Mercy on us! Why is the light turned out? Pretty Daughter—I—I turned it out because the—the brilliant sparkle of •the diamond engagement ring Mr. Nicefello has just given me .was making my eyes sore. Mother (hastily retiring)—Oh, yes, yes, of course. Broadened Out Considerably. De Good—So you attended the Congress of Religions at Chicago. How did the proceedings affect you? DePew—I am treasurer of a fund for the heathen, you know. "Yes." "Well, I. don't know whether to send the money away or keep it myself. Sure to Do Seen. Merchant—I wish this dry goods advertisement put in some part of the paper where the women will be sure to bee it. Editor—Why great snakes, man! When we want to print any thing where the women will be sure to see it, we put it along side of a dry goods advertisement. Chicago Architecture. Teacher—I hope you, kept your eyes and ears open while in Chicago and tried to learn something. * Boy—Yes'm. ' "Very well. Now see if you can tell me how high you were above tidewater." "Do you mean when I was on the street or when I was in bed?" CUtTi l/M of>1 Ail Economical Wife, He—I can't send my clothes to the ta'lor's every time they need a button. We must economize. Can't you sew on these suspender buttons yourself? She—Here, my dear; fasten them up with a hairpin. That will save thread, you know. No Safety In Numbers. Dora—O, I'm in sxieh distress! My brother Jack is iu love with a dozen girls. Clara—Don't worry about that. There is safety in numbers. Dora—But Jack lives in Chicago. — New York Weekly. A Stimulating Remedy, Fjrst Tramp—Dis yer walkin' ter git straightened up when yer feels rocky is tqugh. Remedies is allers wuss dande d .seases. Second Tramp—Yes, 'ceptin' snake bites.—Judge. in '^ySUa^ F»d, oW boy, I'm loakM; for sWe friend \vlio will loan 1116 dollar*. Come, now—can't you tte assistances? ^ Fred—Certainly. : * "Thank, you ever so much. < '"Yes, its going 1 to'rainj arid if you'll , step over to my office I'll lend you dfi* of your umbrellas so yott won't get wet) while youVe looking." j- .Johnny's Conclusion^, i Little' Ethel (at her ai'ithtnetie- lesson)—that's a "Quotient?" ' Little Johnny—It r s what you get by ( dividing one number by another. , "Oh! it's the answer, is it?" f i "Yes." , ' ' "Then why don't they call it the« answer?" '"Cause that word is too easy to remember?" ^ A Possible Attraction. Little Girl—Your sister is real pretty*, ish'tshe? ' , Little Boy—Guess not; I ' he^ej*^ noticed it. ' v Little Girl—Tlien what's the reason ' so many gcntlemans keeps calling Oft her. ,, Little Boy—Don't know. Maybe- it's 'cause we haven't any piano. Knowledge of the World. Mrs. Do Style—I wirh you wouldn't, play with those strange little girls. I 1 , A don't know who or what they are. and"" 1 their mothers may have the impudence ; < to call on me next. , Small Daughter—Oh, no, their mothers will never bother us. They lives in better houses than we do. Independent of Tools. Father — Did you find the screiv- driver yet? Small Son—No, sir. It isn't anywhere? Well, how in creation am I. to fix:; that door hinge without a screw- ' driver?" Oh, dAn't worry about that. I [juess mamma can fix it with a buttoii- liook and a hairpin." On the Chicago Lagoon. Mr. Woocrn (in a gondola)—And j'ptr.; refuse me? Miss Flirtie—Most assuredly. Mr. Wooem—Alia! I see it;all! Your- nature is ao hard as the, heart of a. general, passenger agent, and your.face is : as false as the front of a World's' Fair building. Waiting for a Klgc. Clerk—These goods, madarne, are- very cheap now, but the factory , has. burned down, and in a few months, they will be very expensive. Shopper—I hate cheap things. I'll. 1 come in again when they go up. you Luxuries Must He I'ald For. European Innkeeper, — How do like your room? American Tourist (jokingly) — Seemfj just like home. Makes me feel as if I was back in New York; • The rooni smells of sewer gas. Innkeeper (t6 clerk) — Add five shillings for sewer g-as. "A Kuu on the Bank." •"-«2 B , •--^'V--^ C* n T ^ *—.- fj LV^ - —s*t«rR3M«:4£S?™"7 ~^^!$ r?"*?«*J> V ^ --^^-Va"-^^-^-f "Vr~--~-*"~v '? —TVutli. Limitations of Literature. Little Boy—AVhat is your papa? Little Girl—He's a literary man. "What's that?" "He writes." "What does he write?" "Oh, he writes most everything 'cept checks." Moved hv tho Cvclone. Kansas Man (visiting in the east)— We have lots of near neiuhbors now. Friend—Why, I thou ht your nearest neighbor was twenty miies away. "Yes, but we've had a cyclone since then." 'Too Old Fashioned. Friend — You have lost your .position on the Hightone Magazine, I hear, Dr. Greybeard — Yes, I -accepted a manuscript which contained -the ex» pression, "I presume," instead off >• 'I fancy." Little Dick Has Vlewa. Little Dot — Women is ever so much better than man. Little Dick— They is, is they? Well, which would you rather have, a stepmother or a stepfather? Luckv Little Boys. Little Dick — I know why little qol-> ored boys are so happy. Little Don— Why? Little Dick — 'Cause their mothers can't tell when their hands are dirty. Stlf-Kvident. Youth — How am I to know that this bicycle is a model '93? Dealer— My dear sir, if it were not a '93, we should not dare charge so much more than it is worth. Understood It. Teacher — Do you understand phrase "rapid enunciation?" Boy— Yes'm. It's the way folks say, their prayers on cold nights. Dlore Mr, Do Flatt—Here's some more of your extravagance—a ton of coal. Mrs. D» Flatt—We certainly can't M3| £9B$>8 the Same Hoy. Proud Papa (playfully)— Whose little boy are you? ' . Little Johnny (seriously) — I'm your little boy, but I has been waslied, ' Metaphors. Teacher — Yes, 'thorny paths' is a metaphor. Now, what arc metaphors? Dull Boy— Paths whore yen can't vide pneumatics. Didn't >VprIc. Caller— What's all that stairs? Mrs. Boarilom — That faith euro tor has the toothache. howling 1 up tloo- The VTay Cut. Ml-.'i Ilubb -Do yyu c,Cl u Wcycje 04' a ' "
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