The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on November 1, 1893 · Page 7
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 7

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, November 1, 1893
Page 7
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THJffi iDKS MOtN^Sr AL60NA,* OWA, f ABMNACLE PULPIT, f*ft&ACHKS AN ANtE- ELEdtlON SeRMON, •"Andi All tlio 1'ooplb Snw ttin and the l.liihtnlnKa mid of the Trumpet, unit tho »toun- •tnlh Hinoklfrg."—15*. 20:iS. :WN, N. Y., Oct. 20.—To-dny Dr. _ j prenched an ante-election sermon. Xhu U'.it from Exo.nis :3U:1S: Wfts used: "And a 1 tbo people snw the thmmerin&s a&d tho lightnings nn.I tho noise of the trumpet an t tho nioiin aiu smoking." _ On the eve of elections in the sixty counties of this state, and in all the counties of most of the United States, while there arc many hundreds of nominees to office, it is appropriate and important that 1 preach this before election sermon. My text informs you thut the light- nings and earthquakes united their forces to wreck a mountain of Arabia Potrea in olden time, and travellers to-day find heaps of porphyry and greenstone rocks, bowlder against oowider, the remains of the first law library written, not on parchment or papyrus, but on shattered slaV s of granite. The corcer-stones of all moral ty, of all wise law, of all righteous jurisprudence, of nil good go.v'- •ernment, are the two table s of stone •on which were written the ten commandments. All Uornan law, all French law, all English law, all American law that is worth anything* -all common law, civil law, criminal .law, martial law, law of nations, were rocked in the cradle of the twentieth •chapter of Exodus. And it would be •well in these times of great political ^agitation if the newspapers would print the decalogue some day .in place of the ab e editorial. The fact is that some people suppose that the law has passed out of existence, and some are not aware of some of the passages of that law, and others say this or that is of the more importance, when no one has any right to make such an assertion. These laws are the pillars of society, and if you remove one pillar yon clamuge the whole structure. I have noticed that men are particularly vehement against sins to which they are not particularly tempted,and ifind no especial wrath against sins in -which they themselves indulge. They take out one gun from this battery of ten guns, and load that, and unlitnber that, and fire that. They say, "This is an Armstrong gun, and this is a Krupp gun, and this is a Nordenfeldt •live-barrelled gun, and this is a Gatling ten-barrelL d gun, and this is a JMartigny thirty-seven-barrelled gun." But 1 have to tell them thut they are .•alt of the same calibre, and that they «hoot from eternity to eternity. Many •questions are before the people in the coming elections all over the land,but I shall try to show you that the most important thing to be settled about all these candidates is their personal, mornl character. The idecalogue forbids idolatry, image-making, profanity, maltreatment of parents, Sabbath desecration, murder, theft, incontinence, lying and covetousncss. That is the decalogue by which you and I •have to b; tried, and by the same •decalogue you and 1 must try candidates for office. Of course we shall not find anything like perfection. If we do not vote until we find an immaculate nominee we »> ill never vote at all. We h ve so many faults of our own we ousrht not to be censorious or maledictory or hypercritical in regard to the faults of others. The Chrisily rule is as appropriate for November as any other month in the year: "Judge not that ye be not. judged, for with what measure ye mete it shall be measured to you again." Most certainly are we not to take the statement of red-hot partisanship as the real character of any man. From nearly all ihe great cities of this land I receive da ly or weekly news- p ipers, sent to me regularly and in compliment, so I see both sides—I see all.--ides—an'I it is most entertaining" «DC! my regular amusemjnt, to read the opposite statements The one ••statement says the man is an angel, and ihtf other says he is a devil, and I split ihe difference and I find him halfway between. There never lias been an honest or respectable .man running for the United States presidency, or for a judgeship. or for the mayoralty, or for the shrievalty, isince the loundation of the American government, if we may believe the old files of newspapers in the museums. What a mercy it is that they were not :all hung before they were inautfur- •ated! Jf a man believe one-half of what he sees in the newspapers in these times, nis career will be very :short outside of Bloomingdale insane •asylum. 1 was absent two or three .years ago during one week of a political canvass and I was dependent en- 4inly upon what I rend in regard to \vhat had o.-curred in these cites and I read there was a procession in 2\'ew York of five thousand patriots and a minute after I read in another sheet that there were seventeen thousand; and then I read in recrard to another procesiion that there were 10,000, and then I read in another paper that there were OO.uOO. A campaign orator in the rink or the Academy of Music received a very cold reception—a very chilling reception— eaid'one statement. The other statement said the audience rose at him; so great vvrs the enthusiasm that for a Jong while the orator could not be heard, and it was only after lifting his liand that the vociferation began to subside! One statement will twist an interview one wayj and another statement will twist an interview another way. You must admit it is a very difficult thing in times like these to get a very accurate estimate of a man's character, and I charge you, as your religious teacher, 1 charge yon to •caution and to mercifulness and to j?rayer. . I warn you also against the mistake -which many are making, and always •do make, of applying a different standard of character for those in prominent po--i'ion from the standard they apply for ordinary p rsons. However much a inan may have, or however high the position he gets, he has 3jo especial liberty given him in the in- 'terpretat on of the ten commaud- 'inents. A great sinner is no more to be excused than a small sinner. Do pot charge illustrious defection to ec- ! centricity, pf chop off the ten com- ' mandments tp suit especial cases. The •right is ever abtinjrJy right aud the Of ie everlastingly wrong. Jf any nominated for aoy office in this city ot State differs from the decalo* gue, do not fls uto the defcalogue, but fix him u> The law must stan J whatever else may fall. 1 call 'your'attention also to the fact that you are all award of, that the breaking of one commandment makes it the more easy to break all of them, and the philosophy 'is plain. Any kind of sin weakens the conscience and if the conscience is weakened, that opens the door for nil kinds of tratisgre.-sion. If, for instance, a man go into this political campaign wielding scurrility as his chief weafon, and he believes everything bad about a man, «nd believes nothing good, how long before that miin himself will g-et over the moral depression'? Neither in time nor eternity. If I utter a falsehood in regard to a man 1 may dam- ape him, but I get for myself ten fold more damage. That is a gun that kicks. If, for instance, a man be profane, under provocation he will commit any crime. I say under provoca tion. For if a man will maltreat the Lord Almighty, would he not maltreat his fellow-man? If a man be guilty of malfeasance in office, he will,under provocation, commit any sin. He who will steal will lie, and he who will lie will steal. I r , foj instance, a man can be impure it opens the door for all other iniquity, for in that one iniquity he commits theft of the worst kind, and covetous'iess of the worst kind, and falsehood—pretending to be decent when he is not—and maltreats his parents, by disgracing their name if they were good. lie careful, therefore, how you charge that sin against any man either in high place or low place, either in office or out of office, because when you make that charge apainst a man you charge him with all villainies, with al' disgusting propensities, with all rottenness. A libertine is a beast, lower than the vermin that crawl overa summer carcass—lower than the swine, for the swine lias no intelligence to sin ag-ainst. Be careful then how yon charge that against any man. Y> u must be so certain that a mathematical demonstration is doubtful as compared with it. And, then, when you investigate a man on such subjects, you must go to the whole leng-th of the investigation and find out whether o.- not he has repented. He may have been on his knees before Gud and implored the divine forgiveness, and he may have implored the forgiveness of society and ;he forgiveness of the world; although if a man commit that sin at 30 or 35 years of age thera is not one case out if a thou-and where he ever repents. You must in your investigation see if .t is possible that the one case investigated may nothavebeen theexctption. But do not chop off the seventh commandment to suit the case. Do not chancre Fairbanks' scale to suit what ou are weighing 1 with it. Do not cut oil' a yardstick to suit the dry goods you are measuring 1 . Let the law stand and never tamper with it. Above all, I charge you do not join in the cry that I have heard—for fifteen, twenty years I have heard it— that there is no such thing as purity. If you make that charge you are a foul-mothed scandaler of the human race. You are a leper. Make room for thatlep-r! When a man, by pen or type or tongue, utters such a slander on the human race that there is no such thing- as purity, I know right away that that man himself is a walking 'lazaretto, a reeking ulcer, and is fit for no society better than that of devils damned. We may enlarge our charities in such a case, but in no such case let us sh ive off the ten commandments. Let them stand as the everlasting defence of society and of the church of God. The committing of one sin opens the door for the commission of other sins. You see it every day. Those embezzlers, those bank cashiers absconding us soon as they are brought to justice, develop the fact that they were in all kinds of sin. No exception to the rule. They all kept bad company, they nearly all gambled, they all went to places where they ought not. Why? The commission of the one sin opened the gate for all the other sins. Sins go in lloeks, in droves and in herds. Vou open the door for one sin, that invites in all the miserable segregation. Some of the campaign orators this autumn, some of them, bombarding the suffering candidates all the week, will think no wrong 1 in Sabbath-breaking. All the week hurling the eighth commandment at ono candidate, the seventh commandment at another candidate and the ninth commandment at still another, what are they doing with tho fourth commandment, "Ilemember the Sabbath day to keep it holy?" Breaking it. Js not the fourth commandment as important as tho eighth, as the seventh, as the ninth? Some of these political campaign orators, as 1 have seen them reported in other years, and as I have heard it in regard to them, bombard- in',' 1 the suffering candidates all the week, yet tossing the name of God from their lips recklessly, puilty of profanity, \\nat are they doing with the third commandment? Is not the third commandment, which says, "Thou shalt not tatce the name of the Lord thy God in vain, for the Lord will not hold h m guiltless that taketh his name in vain"—is not the third commandment as important as the other seven? Oh, yes, we find in all departments men are hurling their indignation against the sins perhaps to which they are not especially tempted —hurling it against iniquity toward which they are not particularly drawn. 1 have this book for my authority when I say that the man who swears or the man who breaks the Sabbath is as culpable befpre God as those candidates who break other commandments. What right have you and I to select which commandment we will keep and which we will break? Better not try to measure the thunderbolts of the Almighty, saying this has less bla/.e, this has less momentum, lietter not handle the guns, better not experiment much with the divine ammunition. Cicero sa'd he saw the Iliad written on a nut-shell, and you and 1 have seen the Lord's prayer written on a five-cent piece; but the whole tendency of these times is to write the ten commandment so small nobady can see them. I protest this day against the attempt to revi-e tho deca- logue which was given on Mount Sinai amid the b'ast of trumpets and the cracking 1 of the rocksand the paroxysm of the mountain of Arabia fetrea." 1 bring up the candidates for ward and township and pity and state office; 1 bring them up, aud i try tnem by #»is decalogue, oi course, they arp jmpjs rf&vt. ^aye ali|fc& We say things We o iffht not to say; we do things we otiffht not to do. We ha\e all been wrong, we have all done wrong. But I shall fitad out one 6f the candidates who comes, in my estimation, nearest to obedience of the ten commandments, and I will vote for him, and you will vote for hiin unless you love God less than your party; then you will not. Heiodotus said that Nitocris, the daughter of Nelmchednezzar, was so fascinated with her beautiful village of Arderic a that she had the river above Babylon changed so it wound this way and wound that, and curvet this way and curved that, and though you sailed on it for three clays every clay you would be in sight of that exquisite village. Now, I do not care which way you sail in morals, or which way you sail in life, if you only sail within sight of this beautiful group of divine commandments. Although they may sometimes seem to be a little angular, I do not care which way you sail, if you sail in sig-ht of them you will never run aground and you will never be shipwrecked. Society needs toning up on all these subjects. I tell you there is noth ng worse to fight than the ten regiments, with bayonets and sabres of fire, marching 1 down the side of Mount Sinai. They always gain tho victory, and those who fight against them go under. 'J here nre thousands and tens of thousnnds of men being slain by the decalogue. What is the matter with that young man of whom I read, dying in his dissipations? In his dying delirium he said: "Now, fetch'on ihe dice. Itis mine! No. no! It is gone, all gone! Bring on more wine! Bring on mere wine! Oh, how they rattle their chains! Fiends, liends, fiends! I say you cheat! The cards are marked! Oh, death! oh deatii! oh, death! Fiends, fiends fiends!" And he gasped his last and was gone, 'Ihe ten commandments slew him. Let not ladies and gentlemen in this nineteenth century revise the ten commandments, butletthem in society and at the polls put to the front those who come the nearest to this God- lifted standard. On the first Tuesday morning in November, read the twentieth chapter of Exodus at family prayers. The moral or immoral character of the officers elected will add seventy-five per cent unto or subtract seventy-five per cent from the publ c morals. You and I cannot afford to have bad officials: the young men of this country cannot afford to have bad officials; the commercial, the moral, the artistic, the agricultural, tho manufacturing, the religious interests of this country, cannot afford to have bad officials; and if you, on look ng over the whole field, cannot find men who. in your estimation, come within reasonable distance of obedience of the decalogue, stay at horns and do not vote at all. ; I suppose when in the city of Sodom there were four candidates put up for office, and Lot did not believe in any of them, he did not register. I suppose if there came a crisis in the politics of Babylon, where Daniel did,not believe m any of the candidates, he stayed at home on election day, praying with his face toward Jerusalem. But we have no such crisis, we have no such exigency, thank Gol. But I have to say to you to-day that the moral character of rulers always effects the ruled; and I appeal to history. Wicked King Manasseh depressed the moral tone of all the nation of Judah, and threw them into idolatry. Good Kinfr Josiah lifted up the whole nation by his excellent example. Why is it that to day England is higher up in morals than at any point in her national h story? It is because she has the best ruler in all Europe, all the attempt'to scandalize her name a failure. The political power of Talleyrand brooded all the political tricksters of the last ninety years. The dish nest, Vice-Presidency of Aaron Burr blasted this nation until important letters were written in cipher, because the people could not trust the United Mates mail. And let the court circles of Louis XV. and Henry VIII. march but, followed by the debauched nations. The higher up you put a bad man tho worse is his power fo' 1 evil. The great fabulist says that the pigeons were in fright at a kite flying in the air, and so these pigeons hovered near the dovecote; but one clay the kitu said, "Why,are you so afraid? why do you pass your life in terror? make me king, and. I'll destroy all your enemies." So the pigeons made the kite king, and as soon as he got the throne, his regular diet was a pigeon a day. And while one of the victims was waiting 1 for iis turn to come, it said: "Served us right?" The malaria of swamps rises from the plain to the height, but moral malaria descends from the mountain to the plain. Be careful, therefore, how you elevate into any stylo of authority men who are in any wise antagonistic to the ten commandments. As near us I can tell, the most important tiling now to be done is to have about -10,000,000 copies of the Sinaitic decalogue printed and scattered throughout the land. It was a terrible wasta when the Alexandrian library was destroyed, and the books were taken to heat 4,JOu baths for the citizens of Alexandria. It was very expensive he it. But without any harm to the decalogue, you could with it heat 100,000 baths of moral purification for the American people. I say we want a tonic —a mighty tonic—a corrective—an all-powerful corrective-and Moses in the text, with steady hand, notwithstanding the jarring mountains and the full orch stra of the tempest and the blazing of the air, pours out the ten drops —no more, no less—which our people need to take for their moral convalescence, But I shall not leave you under the discouragement of the ten commandments, because we have all offended. There is another mountain in sight, and while one mountain thunders the other answers in thunder; and while Mount Sinai, with lightning, writes doom, the other mountain, with lightning, writes mercy. The only way you will ever spike the guns of the decalogue is by the pikes of the cross. The only rock that will ever stop the Siuaitic upheavals is the Rock ot Ages. Mount Calvary is higher than Mi.unt Sinai- 'J he Eng.ish survey expedition, I know, say that one Sinaitic peak is 7,(;oo J'eet high and another 8,000 and another 9,000 feet high, and traveleis tell us that Mount Calvary is only a bluft'' utsWeof the wall of Jerusalem; but Calvary in moral significance overlaps ap4 overshadows all NOVEMKEtt L .1893, SELECT COMPANY. Robert Louis Stevenson earns $20,000 a year by his pen. Yot he never knows a well day. A new book of poems by Richard Watson Gilder is to be brought out in the early autumn. In 1757 Empress Catharine received a Russian peasant woman who had fifty-seven children all living. "Cavendish" Jones,the whist expert, ays that the American women are far better whist players than their English sisters. ^ The clay pipe smoked by Miles Standish in his friendly treaties with the Indians was a part of the government's exhibit at the exposition. Philadelphia intends to put a monument of James A. Garfield in Fairmount park. The sum of $i!J,0(-0 has already been raised to pay for the monument, and Augustus St. Gaudens. has been selected as its designer. Waiter Besant has been talking to a London reporter about his American tour, and ho says: "At Chicago you are in tho very heart of the country—• you arc at the center of everything. Chicago will bo to America what Babylon formerly was to Asia." Mr. Balfour, who will, it is thought, be premier of England sonic day, if hia health lasts, is also thought to be tho most interesting bachelor in England. Ho is handsome, his face being uncommonly refined and clever in expression; and for a statesman he is young, his years counting 45. Osman Pasha, native administrator of the Egyptian state—that is, secretary of agricul lure—was ono of tho d is- tinguished visitors to the Columbian exposition. His especial purpose in visiting America is to study tho cotton plantations and such other forms of agriculture as may bo most useful to his people. Victor Herbert, tho composer and violoncellist, is the now leader of Gilmore's band. Mr. Reeves, who has been leader since shortly after P. S. Gilmore's death, will return to Providence and resume the control of the band which so long bore his name, Herbert is a lineal descendant of the Irish novelist, Samuel Lover. The most active member of the Beech/'r family now living is Rev. Thomas 1C. Becchcr, pastor of the Park church in Elmira. He is a tall, broad-shouldered man, CO years old, with a plentiful brown beard, ROW tinged with white, and is fond of billiards, bowling 1 and tricycling. He has been settled over the Elmira church since 1854. Sculptor Franklin Simmons' model of General Logan has been approved by the Logan moaumcnt commission at the war department, in Washington, and by Mrs. Logan. The monument, which is to adorn tho city of Washington, is of an equestrian figure, mounted on an ornate pedestal, on one side of whffch in full relief is a scqne from the civil career of Logan when he is taking the oath as a United States senator, and on the other side a similar panel representing ones of the councils of war. Mount Washington and Mont Blanc and the Himalayas are hillocks compared with it. i'ou know that some-times one fonre-s will silence another fortress. Moiiltrie silenced vSumterj and against the mountain of the lato I out the mountain of the cross.. "The soul thatsinneth, It shall die," booms one, until the earth jars under the I cannonade. "Save them from going | down to the pit, I have found a ran- j som," pleads the other, until earth and •'heaven and hell tremble under the reverberation. And Moses, who c iin- I niands the one, surrenders to Christ, w ho com.mands tlie other. Once by the law our hopes were Slain, But now in Christ we live again. Aristotle says that Mount Etna. erupted one day and poured torrents of scor.a upon the villages at the base, 1 ' but that the mountain divided its flame and made a lane of safety forall those who came ip rescue their aged parents. And this volcanic Sinaif divides its Jury for all those whom Christ has come to rescue from tHw red ruin on both sides. Standing as 1 do to-day, half w.iy between tlie two mountains—tho mountain of the Ex- , odus and the mountain of the.'10th of ,| John—all my terror comes into super* | natural calm, for the uproar of the one mountain subsides into quiet, and comes down into so deep a silence that I can hear the other mountain speak— ay, 1 can hear it whisper: ' The blood, ttie blood, the blood that cleanseth from all sin." The Survey expedition says tlutt the Sinaitic mountains have waclys, or water courses—Alleyat and 'Ajelah— emptying 1 into Feiran. 15'iit those streams are not .navijab e. No boat put into those rocky streams could sail. Hut 1 have to tell you this day that the boat of gospel rescue comes right up amid ihe water courses of Sinaitic gloom and threat, ready to take us off from under the shadows into the calm sunlight of God's f arcion and into -the land of peace. Oh,"if you cou'd : ;M3e that boat of gospel rescue coming this day, you would ..feel as John Gilmore, in his book, "The Storm Warriors," says r that a ship's 'crew felt ,on the Kentish Knock sinds, off the coast, of England, when they were being beaten' to pieces anu they all felt they must.die! They had given up all hope, and every moment wa-hecl off another plank fiom the wreck, and they said, li \Ve must clu-, we must die! ' But after a while they saw a Ramsgati lifeboat coming through the breakers: for them, and the man standing 1 highest up on the wreck 1 said: "Can-it be? Can it be? It is, it is, it is, it is! Thank God! It is the Ramsgatc lifeboat! It is, it Is, it is, it is!" And the old Jiick tar, describing that lifeboat to his comrades after he got ashore, said: "Oh, mv lads, what a beauty it did seem, coming through the breakers that awful clay!" May God, through the mercy in Jesus Christ, take us all off the miserable wreck of our sin into the beautiful lifeboat of tnc g. spel! Tho JJlff OOft JHftdo tin* MlsttUto of KBbXvinjf )t Wrts' •'l.ortclncl. A sample "rat-trap was in a drug* store in Le'wiston, Maine, a feW'dayg ago, waitiiig for a customer. , It was it new-fangled rat-trap whicii some one had left there for fun or salo t or to be .called for.,,, /( ., The trap was sot. and ;Was in tho open shop, where it oould bo seen. Abbut 10:30 o'clock a,big dog catno inrwith a little girl, ; pr vice versa, although the' dog w^S bigger than ,the girl. ';*'' The little? girl bought ;something and the/ proprietor Was tying up tho package, while tho dog went prowling ar'ound after tho manner of dogs aild was in a moment forgot. "Please, thu'i has you got any car^" .Just then "Whoop la! Rip-p-p, s,:'s-t-boomah.,;,Ki-yi-yi," out came the dog with ilbout seven inches of ionguo protruding, to which dangled si rat-trap,'full size, hanging to tho tongue with a fifty light dynamo grip. In an instant there was fun in tho apothecary shop. You have aeon a dog fight with eleven dogs in it? NoP Well, maybo you liavo seen o rooster^ with his head cut off? No? Then you haven't any idea tho way this dog did up tho drug store. Why, he fairly owned it. Over the boxes, in behind the counter, out again, seven laps around the stove, three trips into the back shop, kicking up his heels until the dust flew, knocking 1 over bottles, opening up cases of last year's almanacs, howling like a calliope, clanking like a threshing machine. For about two minutes they gave him full swing. Tho cleric tried to corner him, but it was no use. "Bothe! Bothe!" cried the little girl, but Bose didn't know her. He regarded her as tin utter stranger. Ho had a nearer and closer attachment than any more family affair. He had too much business to bother with little girls. He was too muoh "in it" to waste his time in responding to mere friendly calls. Twice he dashed at tho door, but it was shut, and tho proprietor didn't want to lose his trap. "Ho'il run a week," said a man who was climbing into a chair in order to give the dog more room. ••Chloroform him," said tho newspaper man from behind the soda fountain. "Give him a dose of fly powder," shouted tho clerk. "Snap!" Tho dog had stopped suddenly, had shaken his head and tho trap had been Hung three feet away, taking with it u dainty morsel of his tongue. "Poor Botho," said the little girl, as she opened the door, but Boso never even wagged his tail as with one despairing look at the interior of the store so that he could remember it next time, ho (led like a wild, whooping, demoniac witch on a broom stick down Lisbon street. And he may bo going yet. FREAKS OF FIGURES. Summer Girl—Have you any blue'. 1 Storekeeper—No. It ain't no use keeping 1 that stuff. j|lt's sold, soon s you get it. TAe Becky Mountain, ranges are 3QO "Doziiu" anil "Tho 11*11 ud Do Not Always Do:ir Thnlr Literal Atoiinlii£» If an ordinary business man was asked to state how much is one thousand ono hundred and ono dozen he would most likely reply, without any hesitation, ono thousand ono hundred and twelve (1,112). Ho might, without violating the customs of tho country, put the figures at 1,085 or 1,838. A dozen is commonly supposed to be twelve single things, says tho Great Divide. A baker's dozen is thirteen. A dozen of cotton yarn is just one "hank," composed of twelve "cuts." A dozen oE fish in some localities is twenty- six, and a dozen of pottery in tho wholesale trade may moan two or it may mean fifty pieces, not depending on actual number of pieces, but on tho sixo, weight, etc., of tho jugs, bowls, plates, etc. A printer's l.OJO is only 960, but it takes 1,20'J staves to make 1,000 in some sizes that are made for ox- port. In many of the trades, the terms "dozen," "hundred" and, "thousand" do not boar their log'al English meaning, but a technical ono peculiar to each trade, as in stona work, lath, shingle 3 and cotton yarns. This technical perversion of plain English extends to most of ouij weights and measures. Thus a gal' Ion may be 231 cubic inches or it may be 265. In the school arithinetiq four quarts make a gallon, eight gallons make a bushel, but in prac, tice it takes forty quarts to make q bushel of corn, beans, etc. That iq because only the liquid quart cup (231 cubic inches to the gallon) ia in use, while the dry measure gallon contains 265 cubic inches. Did tie Keep the Clerk. Principal—I have to send you on q very important errand, one demand, ing the greatest secrecy. Say, Mr. Meier, can I rely on you? Are yog able to keep a secret? Clerk—Oh certainly. (Whispering in principal's ear): I have been secretly engaged to your daughter foi tho last couple of years. Stereotyped Plates. Curved stereotyped plates were invented in 1815, but were little useij for half a century • after that date. Since 1865 they have come into general employment in every newspapei office in the country whose edition i( printed on a fast steam press. WhWfc yon give advice drtn'fc 'try put \i all in italics. To love is to admire with the heart} to admire is to love with the mind. No woman is educated who la not equal to the management of a family. It is our kindest and tenderest emotion which we screen from the world. Fame comes only when deserved, and then it is as inevitable as destiny. He shall be immortal who liveth till he be stoned by one without a fault Physical exercise and intellectual rest in due season should never be neglected. Unbefriendcd indeed is he who ha» no friend bold enough to point out his faults. Wrong ever builds on quicksands, but the Right to the firm center lay* its moveless base. Sense can support herself handsome- 1 ly in most countries on some eighteen pence a day; but for phantasy, planets aiid solar systems will not suffice. Of a certain class of disputants it has been wittily observed that their conclusions are always right and their reasons for them invariably wrong. There are lots of people who mix their religion with their business, but forget to stir it up well. As a result the business invariably rises to the top. A leveller has long ago been set down as a ridiculous and chimerical being, who, if he could finish his work to-day would have to begin it again to-morrow. Remember Talleyrand's advice. "If you are in doubt whether to write a letter or not, don't!" Tho advice applies to many other doubts in life beside that of letter-writing. The idea of duty—that recognition of something 1 to be lived for beyond the mere satisfaction of self—is to the moral life what the addition of a great central ganglion is to animal life. I consider a human soul without education like marble in the quarry, ivhich shows none of its inherent beauties until the skill of the polisher fetches out the colors and makes the surface shine. JUST FOR FUN. Turnpike Walker—I say, Willie, if you hud a million dollars what would you do with it? Willie Werk—Buy a brewery and live. Maude—There is one thing Belle can say about her h'ance. Ho belongs to a well-known family. Grace—Indeed? What is his name? Maud— Smith. "Is your business good?" asked the burglar of the counterfeiter. "Good?" repeated the counterfeiter. "Well I should say it was. I have been just coining 1 money." Tommy's Mamma—So Johnny grabbed your apple, did he? The naughty boy! Why didn't you grab it, from him? Tommy, in tears—I did. I grabbed it from him first. Conundrum—What's the difference between a cat and a lepal document? Answer—The one has clawses at the end of its pawses; the other has pauses at the end of its clauses. Bunker—Pretty hot yesterday, wasn't it? Hill—Hot is no name for it. My wife put a pickerel in a soup tureen and he perspired so much he was swimming around inside of thirty mf.nutes. Rural Advantages. Stranger — "I understand that there has nover boon a court case in this neighborhood. The people here must be very peaceable." Farmer Waybaok— " 'Tain't that; but you see tho 'squire lives KO far away that by the time we git there we forgit what we was quarrolin' about." Not Quite. Tom — You went to see your girl last nipht, didn't you; Jerry — Yos. Tom — It was a bootless errand, wasn't it; Sorry — Not altogether. Her father had ou No. 14s. If Hi* Honor Would Wait. "Ton dollars!" roared the judge. "No money," replied the prisoner. ••Ten days!" cried his honor. "I haven't 'em now," replied the prisoner. "But if your honor will wrat u, fortnight 1 shall have some '•9."—-Harper's Proper Tra Pnm Jolnising — "Bid you seecle kurnel?" Jim Webster— "I did, for a 1'ac'." ••How did he treat you^ \Vid de prop/ respect?" "De best in de world. De cigar st?iok« what he blowed in my face came from a 35 cent cigar." ^j; Sorrow hi the Naur Future Awaits those who disregard symptoms ot liver disorder. Be on time if you feel distress in the region of the liver, if your visage is sallow, eyeballs yellowish, tongue coated, or if you are troubled with constipation, sick headache and occasional dizziness. Hostetter's Stomach Bitters will banish these unpleasant symptoms, and should be used early and persistently. The bowels are relaxed without pain or griping, and are not weakened by it as they are t>y the action of a violent purgative. Digestion grows more active when it is used ana the system invigorated, because it insures assimilation of the food, constituents by the blood. Kidney complaints, malaria and rheumatism are overcome by this searching and thorough remedy. _ Men who mean business will find that they will get there much more generally by not engaging in any mean business. How's This! We offer One Hundred Dollars Howard for any case of Catarrh that cannot b& cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. F. J. CHENEY & CO., Props., Toledo, O. We, the undersigned, have known F. J, Cheney for the last 15 years, and believe him perfectly honorable in all business transactions and financially able to curry out any obligation made by their firm. West & Truax, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Walding, Kinnan & Marvin, Wholesale Druggists, Toledo, O. Hall's Catarrh Cure is taken internally, acting directly upon the blood and mucous surfaces oil tho systam. Price, 75c. per bottle. Sold by ull Druggists. Testimonials free. __ _ _ The man who declares that he will forgive, but never c-au forget, has never triwi to mail hia wife's letter, TUAT JOYFUL I With the exhilarating sense of renewed, health and strength and internal cleanliness, which follows the use of Syrup of jt Figs, is unknown tp tho few who have not v *« progressed beyond the old time medicines and the cheap substitutes sometimes offered but never accepted by the well ($•, " J ' ' :""]

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