The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on October 11, 1893 · Page 3
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 3

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Wednesday, October 11, 1893
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, 11, Bft. TALMAQE OlSCOUfiSfeS ON "THE aA&6EN§,dP THE SE'A," •A. B«Aatlftlt Sermon from Thl§ Fnmons Orator—-Homeless Children ot the • Cltlci Xlkefted to the tlbtt-erg of God's 'BROOKLYN, Oct. 1.—In his sermon this Jforenoon in the Brooklyn Tabernacle, as in •many other discourses, Rev. T. DeWitt Talmage took his hearers and readers •through an untried region of thought and tfound a subject for most practical gos'pel- iteattoh' ia "The Gardens ot the Sea." The text selected-was Jonan ii:5, ''The weeds were wrapped about my head." The botany of the bible, or God among the flowers, is a fascinating subject. I hold in my hand a book, which I brought from Palestine, bound in olive wood, and within it are pressed flowers which have not only retained their color, but their aroma; lloWers from Bethlehem, flowers from Jerusalem, flowers from. Gethseinane, flowers from Mount of Olives, flowers from Bethany, flowers from Siloam, flowers from the valley of Jehosha- phat, red anemones and wild mignonette, buttercups, daisies, cyclamens, chatnomile, blue-bells, ferns, mosses, grasses, and a wealth of flora that keep ine fascinated by the hour, and every time I open it it is a new revelation. It is the new testament of tho fields.' But my text leads us into another realm ol the botanical kingdom. Having spoken to you in a course of sermons about God .Everywhere; on the Astronomy of the Bible, or God among the Stars; the Ornithology of the Bible, or God among the 4 Birds; the Ichthyology of the Bible, or God among the Fishers, the Mineralogy of the Bible, or. God among the Amethysts; the' Conchology of the Bible, or God among the Shells; the Chronology of the Bible, or God among the Centuries, 1 speak now to .you about the Botany of the Bible, or God in the Gardens of the Sea. Although I purposely take this morning for consideration the least observed and least appreciated of all the botanical products of the world we shall find the contemplation very absorbing. In all our theological seminaries where we make ministers, there ought to be professors to give lessons in natural history., Physical science ought to be taught side by side with revelation. It is the same ' Ood who inspires the page of the natural world as the page of the scriptural world. What a freshening up it would be to our sermons to press into them even a fragment of Mediterranean-seaweed. Vve should have fewer sermons awfully dry if we imitated our blessed Lord, and in our discourses, like him, we would let a lily bluom, or a crow fly, or a hen brood her chicltens, or a crystal pf salt flash out the preservative qualities of religion. That was an awful plunge, that the recreant prophet Jonah made when dropped over the gunwales of the Mediterranean ship he sank many fathoms down into a tempestuous sea. Bo h before ana after the monster of the deep swallowed him, he was entangled .in seaweed. The jungles of ihe deep threw their cordaee of _ vegetation around him. tome of this seaweed was anchored to the bottom of tho watery abysm and some of it was .afloat and swallowed by the great sea monster, so that, while the prophet was at the bottom of the deep after he was horribly imprisoned, and he could •exclaim,and did exclaim, in the words of my text; "Tho weeds were wrapped about my head." Jonah was the first to record that there are growths upon the bottom of the sea, as well as upon land. Tho first picture I ever owned was a handful of seaweed pressed on a page, and 1 •called them "The Shorn Locks of Neptune." These products of the deep, whether brown or green or yellow or purple or red or inter-shot of many colors, are most fascinating. They are distributed all over the depths and from Arctic to Antarctic. That God thinks well of them I conclude from the fact that he has made six thousand species of them. Sometimes these water-plants are four hundred or seven hundred feet long, and they cable the sea. One specimen has a growth of fifteen hundred feet. On the northeast shore of our country is a seaweed with leaves thirty or forty feet long, amid which the sea-otter makes his home, resting himself on the buoyancy of the leaf and stem. The thicki st jungles of the tropics are not more full of vegetation than the depths of tho sea. There are forests down there und vast prairies all abloom, and God walks there as he walked in the Garden of Kden "in the cool of the day." Oh, what enhancement, this, sub- aqueous world! Oh, the God-giving wonders of the seaweed! Iis birthplace is a palace of crystal, The cradle that rocks it is the storm. Its grave is a sarcophagus of beryl and sapphire. There is no night down there. There are creatures of God on the bottom of the sea so constructed that, strewn all along, they make a firmam?nt besprent with stars, constellations and galaxies of imposing lustre. The seafeather is a lamplighter. The gymnotus is an electrician, and he is surcharged with .electricity, and makes the deep bright 'With the lightning of the sea. The ^•orgona flashes like jewels. There •are sea anemones ablaze with light. ,Tl;«Fe"i6 the star-fish and the raoon- .^sh, to-called because they so powerfully suggest stellar and lunar illumination. Oh! these midnight lanterns •of the ocean caverns; these processions of flame over the white floor of the deep; these illuminations three .miles down under the sea; these gorgeously upholstered castles of the Almighty in the under-world I The Author oil the text felt the pull of the hidden vegetation of the Mediterranean, whether "or not he appreciated its beauty, as he cries out: "The •weeds were wrapped about my head." » Let my subject cheei- all those who i»ad frieuds who have beep buried at .sea or in our great American lakes. Which M,f u§ brought up on the Atlan•tic coast has not had kindred or friend thus sepulchred? We had the useless honor of thinking that they were <'e- >nie? proper resting-place. We said; "O. if they h?4 lived to come ashore; and had then expired! What an alleviation of our trouble it would have heeu to put them in some beautiful family plot, where we cpuld have p'ajited fio,wejrs ao-1 trees pver them,-" yVhv, God did better for them than we •could b* v« don« for them. "They were fo?e they hdd reached the boltbJn.th'ey ha'd garlands about their brow, in mo"re elaborate and adorned place than %ve could have afforded them,they were put away for the lafet Slumber. Hear it, mothers and fathers of sailor boys, Whose.shvp went down inou* last hui> rlcattel There ate no Greenwoods or Lsittrel Hills or Mount Auburns so beautiful on the land, as there are banked and terraced and scooped and hung 1 in the depths of the sea. The bodies of our foundered and. sunken friends are girdled and canopied and hoUsed with such glories as attend no other Necropolis. They were swamped in life boats, or they struck on Goodwin sands or Deal and that the pictured and tessellated sea floor will be as acce-sible as now is to the traveler the floor of the Al- beach or the Skerries and were never heard of, or disappeared with the City of Boston or the Ville de Havre or the Cymbria, or were run down in a fishing smack that put out from Newfoundland. But dismiss your previous gloom about the horrors of ocean entombment When Sebastopooi was besieged in the Anglo-French war, Prince Ment- schihoff, commanding the Russian navy, saw that the only way to keep the English out of the harbor was to sink all of the Russian ships of war in the roadstead, and so one hundred vessels sank. When, after the war was over, our American engineer, Gowau, descended to the depths' in a diving bell, it WHS an impressive spectacle. One hundred buried ships! But it is that way nearly all across the Atlantic ocean. Ships sunk not by command of admirals, but by the command of cyclones. But they all had sublime burial and the surroundings amid which they sleep the -last sleep are more imposing than the Taj Mahal, the Mausoleum with wnlls encrusted with precious stones and built by the Great Mogul of India over his empress. Your departed ones were buried in the gardens of the sea, fenced off by hedges of coraliue. The greatest obsequies • • n known on the land were those of Mo-es, where no one but God was present. The sublime report of that entombment is in the book of Deuteronomy, which says that the Lord buried him, and of those who have gone down to slumber in the deep, the same may be said—"Tlie Lord buried them!" As Christ was bmied in a garden, so your shipwrecked friends, and those who could not survive till they reached port, were put down amid iridesence—"In the midst of the garden there was a sepulcher.' 1 It lias always been a mystery what was the particular iiiocle by which George G. Cookman, the pulpit orator of the Methodist church and the chaplain of the American congress, left this life after embarking for England on the steamship President, March 11, 1S41. That ship never arrived in port. No one ever signaled her, and on both sides of the ocean it has for fifty years been questioned what became of her. But this I know about Cookman, that whether it was iceberg or conflagration mid-sea, or collision, he had more garlands on his ocean tomb than if, expiring 0:1 land, each of his million friends had put a bouquet on his casket. In the midst of the garden was his sepulcher. But that brings me to notice the misnomer in this Jonahitic expression of the text. 'J he prophet not only made a mistake by trying to go to Tarshish when God told him to go to Nineveh, but he made a mistake when he styled as weeds these growths that enwrapped him on th'e day he sank, A weed is something that is useless. It is something you throw out from the garden. It is something that chokes the wheat. It is something to be grubbed out from among the cotton. It is something unsightly to the eye. It'is an invader of the vegetable or floral world. But this growth that sprang up from the depth of the Mediterranean or floated on its surface, was among the most beautiful things that God ever makes. It was a water plant known as the red-colored alga, and no weed at all. It comes from the loom of infinite beauty. It is planted by heavenly love. Jt is the star of a sunken firmament. It is a lamp wftich the Lord kindled. It is a cord by which to bind whole sheaves of practical suggestion. It is a poem all whose cantos are rung by divine goodness. Yet we all make the mistake thai Jonah made in regard to it, and call it a weed. "The weeds were wrapped about my head." Ah! that is the trouble on the land as on the sea. We call those weeds that are flowers. Pitched up on the beach of society are children without home, without op- E ortunity for anything but sin, seem- igly without God. They are washed up helpless. They are called ragamuffins. They are spoken of as the rakings of the world. They are waifs. They are street Arabs, They are flotsam and jetsam of the social sea. They are something to be left alone, or something to be trod on, or something to give up to decay. Nothing but weeds. They are up the rickety stairs of that garret. They are down in ihe cellar of that tenement house. They swelter in summer when they see not one blade of green grass, and shivier in winters that allow them not, one warm coat or shawl or shoe. Such the city missionary found in one of our city rookeries, and when the poor woman was asked if she sent her children to school, she replied: "No, sir, I never did send em to school, 1 know it; they ought to learn, but I couldn't. I try to fchame him sometimes (it is my husband, sir,) but he drinks and then beats me. (Look at that bruise on my face), and I tell him to see what is corn in" to his children. There's Peggy, goes sellin' fruit every night in those cellars in Water street, and they're hells, sir. She's learning- all sorts of bad words there, and don't get back till 13 o'clock at night. If it wasn't for her eafnin' a shillin' or two in those places I should starve. Oh, 1 >vish they were out of the city. Yes, it is the truth; I would rather have all my children dead than on the street, but I can't help it." Another one of those poor women, found by a reformatory association, recited her story of want and woe, and looked up and said: "li felt BO hard to lose the children when tney died, but now I'm glad they're gone." ASK any one of a thousand such children on the streets: "Uhere do you live?" and they will answer: I don't live nowhere." They w 11' sleep to-night in ash-barrels, or under outdoor stairs,or on the wharf, kicked and bruised and hungry. Who sares for them? Once in a while a citvr missionary or a trac,k rfistiibutpr <ir a ^acJief pf ra.gjp4 §Siioo;§ will, jesx^e &Q 9! ' only weeds. Yet, Jonah did" not mons cOmpltftel.v/misVe{ire.sent the Hed Algea, ftbbu't h'6 Mad in the' Mediterranean than most people misjudge these poor and forlorn and dying children of the street.' They are not Breeds. They are immortal flowers. Down in the deep sea of woe-, bttt flowers. When society and the church of God'come to appreciate their eternal value, there will.be more C. L. Braces and more Van Meters and more Angels of Mercy spending their fortunes and their lives in the rescue. Hear it, Oh, ye philanthropic and Christian and merciful souls; not weeds, but flowers. I adjure you as the friends of all newsboys' lodging houses, of all industrial schools, of all hoinss for friendless girls, and for the many reformatories and humane associations now on foot. How much they have already accorn- p ished. Out of what wretchedness, into what good homes. Of twenty- one thousand of these pricked up out of (he streets and sent into country homes, only twelve children turned out, badly. , In the last thirty years a number that no man can number of the vagrants have been l.fted into re- spectabiliiy- ahd usefulness and a Cnristiun life. Many of them have homes of their own. Though ragged boys once and street girls, noW at the head of prosperous families, honored on eaith and to be glorious in heaven, tome of them have been governors of states. Some of them are ministers of the gosnel. In all departments of life those who were thought'to be weeds have turned out to be flowers. One of those rescued lads from the streets of our c ties wrote to another, saying: '"I have heard you are studying for the ministry; so am I." My .hearers, I impleacl you for the newsboys of the streets, many of them the brightest children of the city,but no chance. Do not step on their bare feet. Do not, when they steal a ride, cut behind. When the paper is 3 cents, once in a while give them a 5 cent piece, and tell them to keep the change. I like the ring of the letter the. newsboy sect back from Indiana, where he had been sent to a good home, to a New York Newsb ys' Lodging House: "Boys, we should show ourselves that we are no fools, that we Can become as respectable ns any of the countrymen, for Franklin and Webster and Clay were poor boys once, and even George Law and Vanderbilt and Astor. Come out here and make respectable and honorable men, so they can say: 'There, that boy was once a newsboy '" My hearers, join the Christian philanthropists who are changing organ-grinders and boot-bracks and newsboys and street Arabs and cigar girls into those who shall be kings and queens unto God forever. It is high time that Jonah finds out that that which is about him is not weeds but fl iwers. As I examine this Red Alga which wasaVout the recreant prophet down in Hie Mediterranean depths, when, in the words of my t?xt, ho cried out: "The weeds were wrapped aboiit my head," and I am led thereby to further examine this submarine world. I am compelled to exclaim, What a wonderful God we have! I am glad that, by diving bell and "Brook's deep sea sonneting apparatus" and ever improving machinery, we are permitted to walk the floor of the ocean and report the wonders wrought by the great Uod. Study those gardens of the sea. Easier and easier shall the profounds of the ocean become to us, and more and more its opulence of color and plant unroll, especially as ''Villeroy's submarine boat" has been constructed, making it possible to navigate under the sea almost as well as on tiie surface of the sea and un ess God in his mercy banishes war from the earth, whole fleets of armed ships will yet far down under the water move on to blow up the argosies that float the surface. May mch submarine ships be used for laying open the wonders of God's workings in the great deep an:l nerer for human devastation! Oh, the marvels of the water world! These so-called seaweeds are the pasture fields and the forage of the in- nuinei able animals of the deep. Not one species of them can be spared from the economy of nature. Valleys and mountains and plants miles underneath the wavea are all covered with flora and fauna. Sunken Alps and Apennines, nud Himalayas of Atlantic and Pacific oceans, A continent that once connected Europe and America, so that in the ag'es past men came on foot across from where England is to where we now stand, all sunken, and now covered with the growths of the sea, as it once was covered with growths of the land. England and Ireland once all one piece of land, but now much of it so far sunken as to make a channel, and Ireland has become an island. The islands, for the most part, are only the foreheads of sunken continents. The sea conquering the land all along the coasts, and crumbling the hemispheres, wider and wider become the sub-aqueous dominions. Thank God that skilled hydrographers have made us maps and charts of the rivers and lakes and seas, and shown us something of the work of the eternal God in the water-worlds. Thank God that the great Virginian, Lieut. Maury, lived to give us "The Physical Geography of the Sea," and that men of genius have gone forth to study the so called weeds that wrapped about Jonah's nead and have found them to be coronals of beauty, and when the tide receded, these scientists have waded down and picked up Divinely-pictured leaves of the ocean, the naturalists, Pike and Hooper and Walters, gathering them from the beach of Long Island sound, and Dr. Blodgett preserving them from the sh'/res of Key West, and Professors Emerson and Gray finding them along Boston harbor, and Prof. Gibbs gathering them • from Charleston harbor, and for all the other triumphs of Al- ijology, or the Science of Sea^Weed. Why confine ourselves to the old and hackneyed illustrations of the wonder- workings of God, when there are at least live great seas full of illustrations as yet not marshalled, every root and frond and cell and movement and habit of oceanic vegetation crying out: "God! God! He made us. He made us. He clo hed us. .' He adorned us. lie was the God of our ancestors cl'-ar back to the first sea-growth, when God divided the waters -winch, were above the firmament from the water* which were nndev the firmament, and sha,H be the .God of our descendants clear dpwn'tt the day when the sea shall give np its dead, We have J«saF4 his c command and we have obeyed:" Praise the, Lord, dragons and all deeps, 1 " is, ^ great contort' *. el demonstrated ctdctfine <5f 6, partl6ttl&1? ttrovldenee When 1 find that the Lord provides in Die so-called Sea* weed \ho' pasturage fof a throhgfld marine world, so that not 'a flh, or Bdale in all that oceanic aquarium suffers need, I conclude he will feed us, and if he suits the algte to the animal life of the deep> he w.ill provide .the food for our physical and, spiritual needs. And if he clothes the flowers o'f the de«t) with richness' of robe that looks bright as fallen rainbows by day and at night makes the underworld look as though the sea were on fire, surely he will clothe you: "Oh, ye of little faith.!" And what fills me with unspeakable delight is that this God of depths and heights, of ocean and of continent, may, through Jesus Christ, the divinely appointed means, be yours and mine, to help, to cheer, to pardon, to save, to etnparadise. What matters who in earth or hell is against us, if he is for its? Omnipotence t to defend us, omnipresence to companion us, and infinite love to enfold and uplift and enrapture xis. And when God does small things so well seemingly taking as much care with the coil of a seaweed as theoutbranchingof.a.Lcbauon cedar, and with the color of avegetable growth which is hidden fa thorns out of sight as ho does with the solferinoarid purple of a summer sunset, we will be. determined to do well all we are called to do, though no one see or nppreoiate us. Mighty God! Roll in upon our admiration and holy appreciation more of tl.e wonders of this submarine world! My joy is that jtfter, we are quit of all earthly hindrances we may corno back to this world and explore what we cannot now fully investigate. If we shall have power 10 soar into the atmospheric without fatigue 1 think we shall have power to dive into the aqueous without peril, hambra, and all the gardens of the deep will then swing open to us their gati-s as now to the tourist Chatswonh opens on public days its cascades and statuary and conservatories for our entrance. "It doth not yet appear what ire shall be." You cannot make me believe that God hath spread out all that garniture of the deep merely for the polyphs and Crustacea to look at. And if the unintelligent creatures of the Mediterranean and the Atlantic ocean, he stiriounds with such beautiful grasses of the deep, what a heaven we may expect for our uplifted and ransomed souls when wo aro unchained of tne flesh and rise to realms beatific. Of the flora of that '•Sea of Glats mingled with fire," I have no power to speak, but I shall alway-i be glad that, when the prophet of the text, flung over the gunwales of the Mrditorranein ship, descended in'.o the boiling sea, that which he supposed to be weeds wrapped ab- ut his head were not weeds but flowers. And am I not right i.i this gianco at the botany of the bible in ad-' dinjr to Luke's mint. anise and cummin, rnd Matthew's tares and John's vin", and Solomon's cluster of camphire, and Jeremiah's balm, and Job's bulrush, naad Isaiah's tere- binth, and Hosea's thistle, and Eze- kiol's cedar, and "the hys&op that sprmgeth out of the wall," and the "Ro-e of Sharon and the Lily of the Valley," and the frankincense and myrrh and cassia which the astrologers brought to the manger, at least one stalk of the A'lgw of the Mediterranean. And now I make the marina doxology of David my peroration, for it was written about forty or fifty miles from Ihe place where the scone of the text was enacted. "The sea is his and he made it! und his hands formed the dry land. O, come, lot us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the Lord our Maker. For he is our God. and we are the people of his pasture." Amen. SAYINGS OF SAGES. If there is good in its it will be sure to inspire good in others. The man who worships a golden calf is burning incense to himself. The strongest man in the world is the one who can best control himself. Leisure is a very pleasant garment, but is a very bad one for constant wear. It is bettor to do the idlest thing in the world than to sit idle for half an hour. We ought to bo contented with what wo have, but never with what we are. Say nothing, do nothing, which a good mother would not approve, and you are on the certain road to happiness. If the cat had wings, no birds would be loft in the air. If every one had what he is wishing, who would have anything? It is not enough that you keep your finger off from a man; you must not lot your ill nature or wicked thoughts touch him. Much trouble is caused bssause we forget that many men do not have the same kind.of religion in a horse trade that they have in church. To.be perfect the training of children must begin with th.a very cradle. The saying that a man is a bundle of habits is as true of babios as it is of grown children. SUNDRY VALUABLES. Silk towels are the latest bath-room luxury. Imitation pearls are nowadays so skillfully made that they are prettier than the genuine. There was recently given in Denmark a concert that may be regarded as absolutely unique as regards the instruments .used. The instruments included two horns from the bronzo age, which are believed to be at least 8,500 years old, A Baltimore man fell overboard with a bag containing 107 silver dollars in hi* hand. Ha scrambled put, but loft the bag behind. Then he gave fifty pf the pilver dollars -to a professional diver, who recovered the bag after half an hour's search. The state carriages in Spain are four in number, due is of Yernis-Martin, one of ebony, one pf'tortoise sjiell and one pf mother of pparl.. Th« shape is tbfe Lp^iis, XJY, anA the royal, shield cpat-of-apms is encircled by HUMOB AND LATEST ETCHINGS OP THE MAKERS OP PUN. Witty Pa*AgAiphg Oilgtnal nttd Olcftnod from dur M.tclmtiftos—Some Hnmor- ons Scenes rtt the World's Illustrated, Arabian Aladdin sat dejectedly, plunged in thought. . Suddenly there appeared before him a terrifying being, which seemed to rise from tho floor and fill the entire place with its presence. ,"What are thy orders?" demanded the awful visitor. Aladdin in his fright was speechless, "Name bnt thy slightest wish." roared the being, "and I will gratify it. I can do anything I want and have anything I want. The world is mine.. 1 am the penie of the lamp." ( Aladdin's face brightened with quick intelligence. "Oh, yes!" ho exclaimed; "the Standard Oil company. Well, I declare!" To test the matter he ordered a breakfast of roc's eggs, fried, sunny- side up, and they were speedily forthcoming. — Puck, Puck's The organ-grinder's monkey is out of style. Why not try this? Ovorhcnrd on tho Common. "I havu-a very hard time, Miss,-' said the beggar to the Boston girl, "keepin 1 body and soul together." "Then why try?" asked the girl. "Do you know that in the ideal world iill is soulful, and it is but the limitation's of bodily—" but the beggar had lied. , _ I'luuslhlo- Jack Poetaster— Oh, Miss Meta, why will you, and how can you wring my heart by lavishing your att'ectiou upon that stupid little terrier who moults white hairs all over that dream of a gown, in which you appear a vision of ravishing loveliness? Miss Meta—Perhaps it is because ho comes oft'. A Harder Job. "W'ere's Sampson, de strong man, to-day?" nsked tho tongueless Zulu. "Oh, de manager told him he could have two days lay oft' wid pay; and he was so petrified wid astonishment dat he's goin' to do de Cardiff triant ac' w'en he gets back!" replied tho living skeleton. Sliiiin JiuUlo Scarred. Bnt'k from tlio summer training can*. The stuto militia comes. With sunburned faces on the men And urokun heuds In drums. A i-angulno front each warrior wears. Anil every one now goes Unto tho burbur shop to get Some powder on his noso. —Wood Lovotto Wilson. Dilatory McthodH, First TTarlomite—What is this the- osoph.v they talk so much about? Second ilarlemite—O! some new rapid transit scheme, I suppose. Why don't they clo something aiul stop talking? On thu Alldway I'lulaance, The Capper—It's three rings for 5 cents, gen'l'men; and every time— Uncle Hiram—t-ay, Samanthy, ain't them rings cheap! Ye don't suppose they be solid gold, do ye?—Judge. A Chicago Catastrophe. Mft „. _ _ WHS' tfft f&y.'hlgn fd'RL. _ ,. - Mi*. Nuwed—You Wanted m6 to b* economical, you know, and I've be*B using ttp the bread crumbs for frad* Mr. tfuwe'd^Qtilte riferht, my and good pmtdiags they were; but I was speaking of the grocery bills. Mrs. Huwea — Yes; you see It tdkes* aboxtt five dollars' worth of things to> make the bread crumbs good. , The- latest "Mow will you have your whisker* trimmed?" asked the barber. "With nCcordion pleats, pica,""?, &ttH passementeries," was the reply. , The barber was stupefied for a mitt* ute until the boss told him that his customer was the bearded \vomatt. iroin the dime museum, Ih«y—Pop, ain't! you goin' ter gif e'uo bfrt'duy bresents. Pop—No, me In leedle sohn; but 1 vas goin* ter let, you gall on dot leedle poy next door unt blay all day. Ho has lots ohf birtMay brest-nts, tint you yas ged someding for noding. See? 1 — Puck. ._ 1TI9 LlmitntloHa, Knnvas—Duckets has become quite an art critic. _ Brushe—Bring him to my studio; I. have just finished a picture' Kanvus—Oh, he can only criticise those that are catalogued with'their prices. It Don't WorK Moth Ways. ' It, will probably bj sime time before civilization iavetits a scheme whereby the intended victim of a cutthroat can euzaj'e counsel to show that his life should bo spared by the would-bo assassin "on account of temporary ins-.inity." Very Probable. Liteleigh—It was an unfortunate thing the devil tempted Eve fa tiie form of a serpent. Biteleigh—In what way? Liteleigh—Well, if 'he had approached her in tho form of a mouse, Adainnould never hu\o tuslctl' that apple. Fresh from Chicago. "Well," said the chancellor of the exchequer,' "did your visit to the World's Fair impress you with the fact we arc behind the rest of the human race?" "Well, rather," rejoined the Sultan of Jeypore: "that ancient law which limits me in tho number of my wives must bo abrogated at once." A Cheerless Prospect. William Whiskers—W'ot's all this 'ere talk erbot free sliver, Hank? Does it mean hard dollars fer nothin'? Henry Slowboy—Naw; it's jest like free trade, and don't mean nothin'! Tho time won't never come, Bill,when yer kin git anythin' without askin' fer it! That lie Who Uciids Mny Kan. Deacon Ilapgood (of Kansas)—-I'll bet that's ono of them patent-beer machines. But the W. C. T. U. has scotched the sarpint by its warning; sign.—World's Fair Puck. Where Ho Will Come In. Marie Gold—Papa says that although he is oppose_d to you, he expects you to be a beneficiary of his will. Tom Gin—Did he say what his will would be? Marie Gold—Yes; ho will leave every cent to found a free inebriate asylum. \ Powerful. Wife—While you were away, my dear, the baby pulled tho folding bed down on him. Husband —• Was the little felloyr hurt? ff Wife—Oh, no. He raised it almost i immediately with his voice, ItelentloHa Time, Bacon—After all, Chicago is no place for a Columbian centenary. Lakeside (aghast)—Why not? Bacon—They're too slow for us; it takes a hundred years for one of 'em to coma around. Policeman — Do you know this sick man? Interested Bystander — No; I only jest met him. He seemed a nice sort of a feller; he shook my hand and we charted a white, an' i told Mm I was Seth Pinewood from Pennsylvania, an' that I'd come on with one thousand cash to sue this here town. I ast him if he know of some young feller as could show me around; an' then he threw up his hands an' fell down. — J udge. _ lioth Itlotous. Foreman— What shall we do? Tho wires are down, leaving us in the middle of an article describing a row in the house of commons? Managing Editor — Run in, half a column of one of Talaiage's sermons. K' udy for Uuslues* Winkers -So you went to the World's Fair the first week it opened. I don't believe you fouud u thing in readiness. M inkers— Yes, I tlid. "What?" ' ... "The turnstiles." Dickey Dolt — Fweddy is ambwid- extwous, doncher know. Cholly Chapp- Ya-as? Dickey Dolly — He c-an ' handle his cane with his left hund just as well aa with his wight. Experienced. ' Patent Medicine Vender (in Oklahoma). — Have you ever experienced that tired fee any? i Prominent Citizen. — That tarrecl j fedin'? You bet! An' that feathered fellin', too, by Jing! A. Needed Warning. Brace— I wish my creditors could have that sign before them on the first of every month. Bagley — What sign? Brace—' 'Post No Bills. " They ma N't. Bleacher— The giants should have been flned. for disobeying the tp ; day. , Grand Stand — JJpw was, that? ' BleVijiier— He $old them to " ball.", . .' Wife — Huh! eh? I'd just went there? Hu&band— Merely idea, of simple and Inclined. Been to see the ballet, like to know why you , $old them to "play to encourage! ihe ,! 8<?C 9 ^ al j Inespen^ve^ove^' ?W- :?& P»* Uuod Jfishlug. , Summer Boarder — Are there aijy fisjjj, in. jhat piiud? ' Somali Boy— '

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