The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on April 6, 1892 · Page 6
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 6

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Algona, Iowa
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Wednesday, April 6, 1892
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!! p I WIT AND HUMOR. Thftfe street maiden* sat in ft roir With three grim dragons behind 'em, AM each sweet maiden had a yxn:ng bean And all of 'em made 'em mind *em. But Ihose three maidens ore matrons no*: In three brownstone fronts j-on'H find 'em • AH alone—for since the very first raw, They can none of 'em make 'em mind 'em. -Life. Perhaps fame day we shall gee the castle '. Inherited by the meek: But just at present this globe Is owned By the fellow with lots of cheek' N/T. Herald. With a politician the check is mightier than his word.— Texas Siflings. A weather profit—An income on the Sale of overshoes— Washington Star. A chivalrous man will never make light of an old flame.— Boston Gazette. Sober second thoughts are generally preceded by headaches.— Texas Siftings. Lucifer was the first person on record to be helled up.— Detroit Free Press. The Flower that blooms in the fall in New York, is a tiger lily.— PU&burg Dispatch. When there is work to be done the buzz-saw is always willing to take a hand.— rankers Statesman. It is the height of misery for a man afflicted with insomnia to marry a girl who snores.— Christian Union. "Does your wife always get the last word?" "No; she hasn't any last word. She never stops."— N. Y. Press. Charity may begin at home, but it is wiser for subscription-seekers to call at a business-man's office.— Puck. Teacher—"What is faith?" Dick Boy: "That which enables folks to enjoy eating clam chowder."— Puck. The rain falls upon the just, but not upon the unjust who has stolen the umbrella of the former.— Galveslon Jfews. There are too many people who would like to go to heaven if they could take the devil with, them.— Ham's Horn. The world is full of men so engaged in saying "Amen" that they fail to see the contribution basket — Atchison Globe. Whether or not a cheap coat makes a cheap man, there is no question a sealskin sacque becomes a dear girl Philadelphia Times. "I wouldn't mind my wife's having the last word," said Mr. Meekins, "if she would only hurry up and get to it." — Washington Star. "Checked your grip yet?" asked the giraffe. "Di'dn't have to," replied the elephant. "I have it in my trunk."— Indianapolis Journal. Smythe—"These mugwumps would make poor bridegrooms." Tompkins —"Why so?" Snmhe—"They're always expecting the'best man to win." JK Y. Herald. I dofra dofra on yonr shopping expenses this month, as I requested?" Mrs. Bingw "Oh, yes indeed, dear. Ton know that nice woolen underwear you wanttnl? Well, I cjot something in'cotton much cheaper."— Cloak Review. "Say. mister, I'm awful hungry, and I haven't had a drink for two" "days." "I'm sorry," said the kind-hearted policeman, "but I don't see Bow I can help you." "You can, though. Just lend me your helmet and coat till 1 go around to the side of this restaurant" — Washington Star. Pubisher—"Hello, old man! I have not met you in years-^in fact, not since Wft left crhooj. How haro vnn >iean rrof. ting along?" Vfsitor—" i have made a caol million out of leaf lard." 1 Publisher—"Gee Whillikins! And I hadn't heard of it. Say, can't I induce vou to write an article for my magazine on 'The Intellectual Decadence of Modern Europe'?"— Puck. Burglar Bill (in the middle watches of the night): "Yer money or yer life." Mrs. Brindley (crouching under the bedclothes) "All I have in the world is in the pocket of my dress hanging in the closet. Take "it. but spare my life!" Cracksman Charley (resignedly):—"Come along, Bill; we can't afford to fool awav a couple of hours here."—Philadelphia Press. Mrs. O'F -"Can I have my husband put in jail for slapping me in the mouth?" Magistrate—"Certainly: that is assault and battery." "Well I'll come around in about "a month and make the charge." "Why not have him arrested at ..-nee?" ""Well, you see, when he slapped me I hit him" in the head with a rollin' pin, and he's now in the hospital, and the doctors say he won't be able to get out for a month yrt."— Life. BLAND AH SW IN SUNDAY>SCHOOL. An If«M«t Admission from an Astistfcnt was quiet. You conld laundry ticket drop. MENDINC THE MAiL POUCHES. How Uncle Sam'* Mall Baits AMI Repaired— 23O.OOO Locks Re The Skeptical Aunt—"What does he do, Dolly, for a living?" Dolly (greatly surprised)—"Why, Auntie, lie does no't have time to earn a living while we are engaged."— Life. "Snicker, do you believe that brevity is the soul of wit?" "I think it must be, Hunker, for I know at least one professional humorist who is always 'short.'"— Brooklyn Life. A woman can give much more advice about how to keep a husband's love on the first anniversary of her marriage than she can at her silver wedd i ng. — Elm ira Gazette. First Boy (threateningly)—"Just, wait till I ketch yer arter" school." Second B-iy (advancing defiantly)— "Why don't ye take me nosv?" First Boy (backing off)—"Me mind is on me lessons now."— Good Xews. "I am of a very sympathetic dis position," said N. Peck. "Whenever come home and lind my wife with nervous headache I am sure to catcl it."— Indianapolis Journal. He (long sitter)—"O. my! it is quit late. 1 must ^o. as I fear' my futhc will be angry." She—"Why shoul( you think that? He hasn't been sitting up with you."—Judge. "Only love me a little bit, and I \vil be your faithful, willing slave." "Bu where is the fun in that? What a gir really enjoys is managing an unwilling slave."-— Indianapolis Journal. Old Million—"My dear Miss Youn°thing, if you'd only marrv me I coufd die happy." Miss Youngthiiu-— "Why Mr. Million, if you wore (lying I'c marry you in a minute."—Good News ''Well, what do you think of the ne\\ neighbors who have moved in nexl door, Mrs. Pryer?" "I haven't had a chance to form an opinion. The\ haven't had a washing-clay yet."— Tid- Bits. "Whom do you charge with this? asked the policeman when ho found i drug-store man lying bruised and bleeding on his premises. "The soda fountain," was the faint reply,— Texas Sifiinyx. Bmittown—"Say; why did Klubbite go off and get married?" Oleboy— "Poor fellow! He )nst so much in the wheat Hurry that he couldn't afford to live at the Bachelor club any longer." —..V. Y. Weekly. ** "The European family system is somewhat of a telegraphic" nature, isn't it?" "How so?" "Why, the ex pectatiocs in life of their daughters and sons seem to be on the order of dots and dashes. "—Baltimore American. "Time is money, my dear," ho said, hustling around in a great hurry. "Conic off," she replied tartly, "I've got plenty of time to go down street and buy a bonnet, but I don't get the bonnet just the same."— Detroit Free Press. Photographer—"That is certainly a good picture for an amateur; very good. How did you manage to get such a pleasant expression on the gentleman's face?" Amateur—"I told him I wasn't going to charge anythiu"."— N. Y. Weekly. Chawles: "Ya'as, when I was a boy, ye know, I was kicked by a mouul mid uud my bruins dashed out and tho doctor » Maud: "Sewed up tho scalp without puttinv.thein back? How careless." — Chawles; "Aw, aw."— Minneapolis Journal; Uini'o—"Did vou ^uccood in outline' Once in eight years all the locks on United States mail bags must be changed, if not oftener. This is because after a while a good many lost keys get around, and they are not very safe to have so distributed. Just now the Equipment Division of the Postoffice Department is making over 250,000 old locks, merely for the purpose of rendering them different. At first it was suggested that all these 25:), 000 locks should be thrown away. The junk men were asked how much they would give for them and they said 20 cents a hundred pounds. This did not seem very large, inasmuch as the postoffice h'ad originallv paid 57 cents apiece for the locks. Therefore it was concluded to make them over again, and this is bein"- done now at the repair shop on 5 street, at a cost of 6 3-4 cents per lock. It is a very pretty sight to see the workmen cut the old contrivances apart, polish them up on rapidly-revolving grindstones, which give" out showers of sparks, reorganizing the tumblers, and putting together the pieces into as good shape as the new lamps which th'e magician in the story of Aladdin exchanged for old ones. These locks, as has been said, are to secure mail bags, but even more interesting are mail bags themselves and their histories. Naturally, in the course of human events, these receptacles wear out now and then. This being regarded as inevitable, in former times they were turned over promptly to the junk men. Now, however, ft fs all very different. According to the regulations, as fast as the bags show symptoms of wearing out they are forwarded to Washington from" all over the United States. Thus one finds in the equipment shop on C street oreat rooms heaped with enormous stacTcs of mail sacks in all stages of use, decay, and, one might almost say, of decomposition. Upon arrival they are convej'ed by a big elevator to the third floor, whore 110 women sit sewing with coarse thread. Tho bags are made of jute. Some of the women wear'dunce-caps of brown paper on their heads, and all are busy as so many bees. They arc all sewing upon mail sacks, and whenever one has finished her task she holds up her hand. At once tho foreman in charge goes to her, takes the bag she has finished, and lays it on a pile. In exchange, he gives' her another, which he takes from a stack near by. Tho sacks in the latter pile are in all stages of delapidation, and the rule is that each worker must take the one that is on top. A wooden partition shuts off the women from sight of tho pile, because some complained a while ago that it was possible for others to see when there were good sacks on top, and so escape bad ones. It is like tho system of "takes" in a newspaper ollice. Thus far only tho jute bags have been spoken of. But there is another room in which the leather mail pouches are mended, twenty-two workmen being employed for the purpose. This system has grown up within the last four years. So short a time ago only eight women and throe leather" workers were employed to do the work. But it is believed that a great economy would result from devoting attention to the mending of old sacks, and this has proved so far true that many thousand fewer bags are mado annually now than were required in 1837, although tho postolUco business has increased one-quarter since then. The bags are manufactured in Now York Sluto. When the mending of each bag is finished it is inspected by a niiin who is the only person In the United States with whom the decision lies as to when a mail sack is worn out and shall be used no longer. Condemned ones ure all used in one fashion or another. The bost parts of them are used for the bottoms of sacks that have to bo repaired, while other portions sorvo for patches, tho ragged bits being slashed off with sharp knives.— Wushintjion Star. When Superintendent Charles F. Krusr stranded the gong yesterday the Sunday-school room was in a clatter. The teachers ami their scholars were talking of the Chinese New year, about which the fair preceptors evinced considerable enrtwUy. In an instant all have, heard a The Superintendent announced that Luke Quong would lead in prayer. He did so in Chinese, and every head was bowed. When he had finished a hymn was sung, the Chinamen joining in with great vim. Then came the lesson. It was from Isaiah liii.. 1-2. Each teacher immediately took np her Sunday-school quarterly and began to riddle her scholar with questions. This is what the reporter heard in one class: "Now. Tung, you remember what I told you last Sunday about the crucifixion ?* "O. vans." "An<! the suffering?"' "Yars. In thees city." "No. no; in Jerusalp'm." "O, yars." "Now let us go on with the lesson. It says: 'All^we, like sheep have gone astray.' You know what sheep arc?" No answer: only a broad smile. "Haven't you ever seen sheep; those animals that go along in herds?" "In thees city ?" . "No, no. Anywhere at all. Generally in the country." "O. Yars." _Now, Yung, do you know what sin is?" "Nor." "You don't; after all I told von last Sunday?" "Nor." -Well. 111 tell yon. If yon shonld go home after Sunday-school and o-o to washing, that would be tin." ° -Nor> "Yes, it would." "O, nor." and Yung stuck to it that there was no sin in .vashinn-on Sunday. . ° The reporter was approached by Luke Quong. the -Assistant Superintendent He introduced himself, and immediately began to talk in a strain very different from that of the Superintendent. Said he: "Chinaman no believe in religion; he come to learn English . laii'truage. He like the girls all saiuei- like' American, but he come to learn Kn«rlijh." JS 7 . Y. Advertiser. • *~ live in an arid region, wnicn woum otherwise be uninhabitable. There arc people in other parts of the world who get their supply of water in a peculiar way. The explorer Condreau< for instance, found a while ago while wandering among the Tumue-Humac mountains,in the western part of Guiana, that it was not necessary for his men to descend to a creek when they wanted a drink of water. A vine known as the water vine is found all through that region. ECCENTRIC PHILANTHROPY. But the Recipient of It Didn't Httvo a Heart Full of G; .Uitudc. A philanthropist of eccentric cut was ..coming up Park row late at night when a man accosted him. "Girame a nickel," said he. "I hain't et nothing all day." The man's speech was thick, his eyes bleary, his nose a horror and himself a wreck. He looked as if he could take out his papers for a full course of ielirium tre in ens. "No'sir," answered the philanthropist, "I/will not give you a nickel, but I don't mind buying you a nickel's worth of buttercakes." "Can't yer make it-soup?" asked the disreputable one. "No; if yon are as hungry as yon say the best thing you can eat is a plate of buttercakes." 'It was easy : to see that the man with flip bleary eyes could have spent the nickel much more to his liking, but having no choice he resigned himself to the inevitable. '•• "Gimme yer nickel an' I'll get de buttercakes." "Oh,_ no, you_don't; if I buy butter- It yields an abundant supply of excellent drinking fluid whenever it is called upon. This vine grows to a height of sixty to' ninety feet. It is usually about as thick as the upper part of the human arm. It winds itself loosely around trees, clambers up to their summits, and then falls down perpendicularly to the ground, where it takes root again. The natives cut this vine off at the ground|and then, at a height of about, six or seven feet, they cut it again, which leaves in their hands a very stout piece of wood a little longer than themselves. In order to obtain its sap they raise the lower end of the vine upon some support and apply the upper end to their mouths. The section of the vine, while showing a smooth, apparently compact surface, is pierced with many little veins, through which the sap flows freely. Sis feet of the vine gives about a pint of water, which is slightly sweet to the taste. Coitdreau~ says that it quenches thirst as effectively as water from the most refreshing brook. The bushmen in the Kalahari desert often live scores of miles from places where water comes to the surface. During a certain partof the year sharp storms pass over the Kalahari, covering the apparently arid region with the brightest of.verdure and tilling, for a few short days, the water courses with roaring torrents. The bushmen know how to find water by digging in the bottoms of these dried iip river beds. They dig a hole three or four feet deep and then tie a sponge to the end of a hollow reed. The sponge absorbs the moisture at the bottom of the hole, and the natives draw it into their mouths through the reed, and then empty it into calabashes for future use. The animals that inhabit such wastes as the Kalahari are of course accustomed to living upon very small and infrequent supplies of wate'r. The Bechliana do not lead their cattle to the drinking places oftener than once in two or three days. It is said that goats in the Kalahari frequently pass months without water, and, according io Mr. Mackenzie, there are certain antelopes which are never seen to visit the .drinking places. In that enormous waste known as the Gobi desert, north of China, showers sometimes fall during the summer, and the torrents of a day fill the dried- up water courses through which water seldom runs. It is in these channels that the Mongols dig their wells, expecting to find a little water, when upon the surface of the plateau itself the soil has lost all traces of humidity. It is owing to the fact that a part of *'-" moisture falling during a few the cakes for you I propose to have you eat them. Come here, boy." Ten minutes later there was a lively time in a down town coffee house. A newsboy entered, followed by two street-urchins, while a red nosed indi- vidual'in rags and alcohol shuffled along behind them. "Give dis guy t'ree buttercakes," said the newsboy, holding out a dime, rainy days is thus preserved within reach that it is possible for caravans to cro>s the desert. A (VHJSICAi. GROVE. Trees Converted by Squirrels Into tic Organ Pipes. Glgan. This township says a Hanisburo- Conn., Letter, boasts of a curiosity tlrat probably is not duplicated in th'e entire hemisphere, and probably not in the world. It is a musical <rrove of grove chestnut and walnut trees. This f rove stands on the north side of Nickerson Hill, which is the highest point of land the few his while the other, boys watched movements suspiciously. "Can't yor.givo us'live pennies?" said one of the latter as tho cashier returned a nickel in change. The livo pennies were forthcoming and of those the newsboy, with conscientious precision, gave one to each of the urchins and kept three for himself. Then the trio, perfectly satisfied with the transaction, walked out into ttip. street, leaving the alcoholic, one to uie poaeotiuconcempmrioii or tn« ouc- tercakes which had been placed before him. These ho ate sadly, as if there was something weighing on his mind. A gentleman who had boon a puzzled observer of tho whole performance finally asked for an explanation. "Who is that boy that paid for your buttercakes?" J v Dunno. Never now." seen him 'fore Generous. Tourist (about to lenvo tho hotel examines his bill. TO head waiter): is the attendance included?" "No, sir; that is left to tho generosity of the raveler." "But ' gonorousp" i day or 6 francs for threu days'.''' 'Ah! then I prefer being generous for once; hero's a fnuio tiud u half,"— foumal Aiiiumint. "But ho spent live cents on you." '"IVanc his five cauls. Ono o'' dem charity blokos givo him a dime to buy mo do cakos wid. Sec?" "Why didn't ho give tho money to you?" J "Reckon that charity bloko thought Id blow it in on drink 'f ho'd give "no the chance. .Reckon I would uv, too » and he attacked tho third buttoi-cako despondently. ';iiut what wore tho two other boys ClimU ' U1(l oolluot0 '- 1 in ]Sew London county, and all trees are old, and there are very that are not hollow. The spot is well known amoii"- local hunters as a resort for gray squirrel* and many hundreds of these animal* are taken out of the grove every year Into the heart of the "trees the' squirrels have gnawed their way through the knots and stumps of limbs that have decayed and fallen to the OTOUIKI. In many cases but the mere shell of the tree stands, and if a lire is built in the hole at the roots smoke issues from a hundred holes above it in tho limbs and in main trunk. Tho peculiar sound caused by the wind blowing into these holes has givon the grovo the name of Sin«nn» 1 roes. In tho summer, when tho trees are covered with foliage, the wind has no elloct upon them, but in the fall when tho loaves fall to tho ground, tho wind 1ms a clean swoop at the trees, anil it whistles and moans and hisses through tho hollow trunks and limbs until it scorns to one a short distance away that a horde of demons aro holding a grand among tho trees. Those sounds aro produced only when the wind blows from tho southeast. It then swoops over Iho top of the lul. and falls upon the grovo apparently, 1V8 the wind from tlio mouth Him, he k-arnod- wlio *liu WIT AiVD Some lawyers wait until a rich clien Is dying before they "work \frtth a will. —Boston Courier. ' . You can't tell very mnch about wha a preacher is doing for Gtfd by th size of his salary.—Sam's Born, Men who stamp around among th stars in the pulpit are not ranch ac count in helping people toward heaven — Rain's Horn. It is all nonsense to doubt the stor; about the whale swallowing Jonah lie nat only did it, but lie got along swimmingly.— Lowell Courier. "It's purty hard to have to work fu a livin'," said one tramp to another "Y«s; people seems to be gettin' hard er to work every day." — Washington Star. Fond Mamma (anxiously^—"I saw you playing with 'that new boy across the street. Is he a good boy ?" Young Hopeful—"Yes, reg'lar chump."— Gooi News. "Barker, I'm a self-made man, and don't you forget it." "No, Tompsy,' won't. But, say, you don't go in for pretty work much, do you?"— N. T Herald, Joblots—"There is one thing aboul heaven that I shall like immensely.' Dr. Thirdly—"What is that?" "Job- lots—"It won't be closed on Sunday." — N. Y. Herald. Everybody knows a woman is hart to please. She likes the matrimonia' harness, but doesn't like to be hitched up with a man who is strapped— 3ing> hamton Republican. Briggs — "I thought the minister lived next door to the church?" Griggs —"He did. But the bell woke him up so early in the morning he had to move."— Life. Visitor—"I hear your new preacher is a man of indomitable will and wonderful energy." Hostess—"Indeed he is. He has started in to convert the choir."— N. Y. Weekly. "If the spirits come to-night," said the medium, "we will hear them." "Think so?" asked oneof the company. "Yes; it is a cold night and they won't come without raps.— N. Y. Press. A New York Chinaman is to tell the public in a lecture why he remains a heathen. It would embarrass some men who attend church regularly to do the same.—Philadelphia Record. Hokey—"I do object to havin^ colored policemen on the force. Pokey "And why?" Hokey — "Because 'it's hard enough to find a white one at night, much less a dark one."— Cloak Journal. A new star has been discovered in the heavens, but as its appearance is unaccompanied by any scandal or stories of lost diamonds it is not likely to attract much attention.— Boston Transcript. "My dear," said a fond mother to her boy, "whv do you not. play with the little Jones bey." "Oh, he's horrid. He says bad, naughty words, just like papa." .Reform will begin at home in the family. Mother—"I don't see why you and your husband should have so much trouble.—You don't belong to different churches, do you?" Daughter—"No, mother." Mother—"Then there is no excuse for lighting like cats and do^s." — Good News. Operatic Manager—"I can't afford to pay you over §17 a week and expenses, and you must permit me to announce you as receiving $1.000 a nio-ht." Madame Highuote—"Make it $20, and you may announce me at $2,000 a night."— Puck. "We should like an article from your pen, reverend sir.as you are the pastor of our most fashionable church." "Upon what subject?" "Anything that has come under your observation." "Good! I will write you an essay upofc bonnets."— Epoch. "Jennie," said the young woman fiercely, 'Tin never going to have anything to do with another church fair'" "Why not?" "All the young men are over at the dining-tab'le bottino- on who will get tho oyster. Isn't it fcan- dalous?"— Washington. Star. Watts—"I was sorry I couldn't get to church last Sunday. Mio-ht I Inquire what was the'sermon?" The. f v - Mr. Wilgus - "My discourse, Brother Watts was upon -Tho Kolal ton of tho Grip Bacillus to Modern Pessimism."— JiKlanapoli.t Journal. Ho (tenderly)-"Ah, Miss Maria.you are tho one amonir 10.0JO altogether titg—"JNO more perfect uaru where than right here. *« i,. ua8 , Everything's as pleasant as ni 0 * how about the Billingto feud?" "Over long s.a t) ton." "Indeed! I imW't" of the Wellingtons. "No i't. The feud is won' is over »' m j Fangle—"There was something J antic about the way Mr. Scailda 1 posed to -the woman ho mariV? Cumso—"How was that?" "She i» poor girl, and the first time he M her was in a street car. H e noti *' her make room for another worm, I the seat beside her. Tlu- not /"? ° I ot a ooy tails upon a noiiow KoypujJI. at his lips, and the sound produced ll many cases, is like that made bv person blowing into the nose of a tie multiplied a million times. In 0 cases there is a nerve-shattering no |,| as if a giant was blowing through ml immense comb covered with pa Breaking into these tones is, now' then, a short, sharp, shrieking no j»| and then a hissing sound, as if f ro] J the mouths of a thousand pythons |J chorus. Taken together, these hisses nurt toots and moans and shrieks rnakcil pandemonium that one doesn't care to' listen to very long. The ncJ.se of these trees can be heard, five miles awaj and it has been heard to tho leewardi distance of eighk miles. Its roarimrjj/ looked upon by the people living wlthl in hearing distance of it as a precursor! of a storm. Among the hills and vail leys it is often impossible to tell corl rectly in what direction the wind ill blowing, but when the roaring of tht' 'Singing Trees is heard tho wind 1 k_nown to be blowing from the sonti oast.and preparations are atouce mad(| for a storm. In September.cluring what is 1 as the equinoctial storm, this straw grove is heard. Then, above the how ing of the wind, the roar rises at falls like the moaning of ten thousanil leviathans in the agonies of death. Unmolested Kic-li Men. Millionaires who sire being pursued! by wild-eyed crank? might iiu<] food for reflection in the fact' that I'e'tol Cooper, who was a very rich man, .vail never molested liy l> -inb-tlirowenl He was a man always mvussiblo to thsf great American public and n strangeii who dropped into hi.s oflice, even! though he carried a plethoric carpofr] sack, struck no terror to hi.s heart. George Peabody was another gco-1 tleman abundantly blessed with the! riches of this work'. wlio was not! sbliged to dodge the dynamite lienij Stephen Giraru was still mother. Coming down to the •r'.'iitlemen whol are alive and active in the worldtl affairs. Baron Hirseh is conspicuous u| rich man who seems to enjoy perfect! immunity from cranks. The baron ill .vorth $100,000,000 according to popn-l ar estimate — and his expenditure raj behalf of his fellow-men in a measure! verify these figures -vet there hal seen no attempt to cut short hill career. Those of our American ricll men who are slill alive and have en-| lowed colleges and otherwise helped! mmanity-have not yet been blown up.1 iVhat is more, they "appear to be in danger. Our rich men, looking about security— no reference ^com security— might give this some thought.— X. Y. Advertiser. for' crazy jubilee i«,.«i ,« 01 ""'""o *«."jv uuogotiier haS\ r 10 .<P° H " lI S>--" r don't U.ink that a a hit inuo, Mr. Stod^on-Bonds." Ho (in Burpnso)-«l IK- your pardon." bhe (oxooticall-" ' (oxogotically)-"Wiiy ttm " ng 4JUP idn't you "Why. they wuz for a ohouk on him as mud for do grub, jus' as ho wuv. foi- a chock on nu. so «„ to 80 o as how 1 ot it. Ihat charity |,ioko W(mt „ fool anyhow, only it HOOIHH to mo ho needn't ha' boon so blanuul portlolor bout, HiwmUn' n n lck«l. «,,J Ky in', sir.' 1 — JV. Y. Jjcntl,/. Ihut very evening, an Jt • foU It/, V° 1Unl hana, uhHiroU linishod when Lucroti.i The ," 011 « silvo?" biU Hungry Hi K giu 8 -«\V'at do ya o dis idee that a man is put t earth u second tiino-onu stylo o oven' up tho other, .sorter? \\ttlkins — "Oh, I dm.,..,. Jf t anything hi it, I must V done , °f Iwrtl work whonl washowbi. —Jiulutnapotis Journal. "What a swoot child! 1 Gospel in the Mountains. "I was in the mountain regions o)| Vest Virginia not very long ago,? remarked the drummer at. ^the 'adillar: to the usual crowd, "and onel lay as I drove along in my buckboardf overtook a man in front and asked! lim to get in with me. He did it with-j out coaxing, and I began to question! him. j '"You live here, I suppose? I said for! a starter. r •I'es, an 1 hev fei ten yc'r,' he replied, 'ather sharply, I thought. '"Are you a farmer? 1 '"Kind of a one. That is my wife I tends to the place, an' raises enough L us to live on, but I mostly preaches. 1 J Oh, 1 1 said, with increased respect, i you are a local-preacher. It's a noble | ailing, sir.' "T'r'aps, 1 he answered curtly, 'an'! r aps not. It don't pay much. 1 '"No? 1 1 queried, negatively. "'No, tain't a gold mine, I reckon. 1 "'Of course not, but it is a labor oil love, and your reward comes after a I while. 1 "'That's what they been telliu 1 me I round these parts, but a man's "ot to live somehow. I preached last night at the Lick Run meeting house, and I livin' here before. twenty-four j n ODD WAYS OF CETTI~NG WATER, Tho Shifts Hid" U'orlil. to Whliili uit I'urU »f In "But supposing I am not "Then, sir,it'll bo a francs When Mr. David Lindmiy retuniod from IIIH expedition UOI-OHH n purl of the Australian donert a whllo i W i, ho said HID whole of tlmt ulinowt waterless country WUH Inhabits! l,y who get their water uituily by Ing Ino roots of tho iiml/mi 'iroo the work p tlui i sign. "Tho design i.ppears to mo Hho ro « C jido 0in " biblicitl "Hio'l". lol III UlO lioHB' 1 "!", 1 ,"^• ( tlu!"" ! 'AU! bull BCO only tho lions;." liowover, you mao (v '' tho lions' bodies?" i (to u u . •&i*«"2»JiK.'5S rS^r^rV^stt? baud.} .Ifihn <).. .,„.. i .V . .. . l . HUb '' ( ''i)ii(.ml, and ma u u tho M! 0 mi lUilii- yield <iuiiMUtl<>» of di'uin- wliloh . .- . . I"* 1 '" witlor. Thlw tree, ubKorbing inojtauru from Llio ul/- retains ll In considerable <iiuuil!UcH id its rooltt uwl UIIIH ittttkuit U Mo»»ll)lt> to ay born u Ahem! him?" Mnn -i, , imbwile. E.- "Who's the Jar.ro raising u row wita quired a guost at tlm 1'H'd. "On," was tho I'ly, "tluvi's my alio's u perfect ..... ,, j. -*-v>v i*.u;t »«ll, mighty nigh it, a«u'l quite so bi.' lady over there t!ic waiter?" in. liotclof th t , h uul , £""d-naiured re"Al>, indeed; 'su't she?" ponded tho ll 'r mouth . w " l> - uma/.on. '^• ••Missouri took up a collection of ,, cents. Sunday, over on Hurricane, I got thirty-two cents, and footed it eight miles thai-and back and had a cold dinner. I ain't never avenged more'n seventeen dollars a y'er, in°the whole ton y'er, but I never raised my voice agm hit till now. 1 '"And why now? 1 1 asked. "'Uocause they're going to cut aj I salary down; say I'm gittin' stuck up I an proud an'wear store clo's an 1 i| need tamin'. Hold up he exclaimed, as we came to n path leading off the | road. -I've got to git out "here, an 1 i m much obleeged to you fer rival 1 mo a lift, but before I go I'd like to ax you as a far minded man ef you don't flunk cuttin' my salary under existing conditions ain't jist a leetle like wallupin' the gospel into the mud? 1 "1 assured him I thought it was, and with a hearty shake of my hand, he hurried away down tho path and I went on my way ponderiucr."— Detroit Fre* Press. r ° The German merchant marine stands next to that of England. Iu J8S9, the latest year for which figured have been published, German vessels made 65,' 'J54 voyages, carrying 21,398,532 tons of cariro. " C!enrynian-"My friend, It pains rueto»« a person of such brilliant attainments H$}f going to the b;ul." Young Man-'it's 0' my fault, sir, I never expected to have work fora living, and I can't briiw wu to it." Clergyman-"! your situation IH-I teotly. You never I -. a inule, ami now, when your money' guno. you ftvl thai there U notlitugforyo 1 to fail back upon." Young Mau-"NoU ill. sir. It uiu worst comes to (tie W<WU, cau mil Ua c fc upon a I— — " - l

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