The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on February 10, 1892 · Page 6
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 6

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, February 10, 1892
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I TfiB OTPER DES MOINES, ALGONA, tOWA. WEDNESDAY. FEBRUARY 10,1892, The Okl l,ng School-Hongo. purl third, Webstor'8 elr-mi conn'd o'or onoli word: Moiiltotli'8 geography, with : Sflio old lop sclinollioiiao In rromory I goo, With Its sweet, loving fnecs still beaming on n ftf 1 , Of the bright days of yoro, wliGn riaiin-ht of a cue Caused my soul for ft moment to linrbor a fear. Bougli-liettn wcro the benches, on long wood- eii IPRH; Plain bnnids were tho doslte, on long oalccn jlfJTS i In tho stdoB of the « -nil, and tho' homely the Forno, Btlll dear to the lief ft will be living and green. ifcGulty's Fifth Render, Bay's arithmetic, "••-' third, elpmchtnry spoiling book — wfe '-* -' -------- '— rni'd; .„--„;......„, with Its great maps to And iho rrip of the ferrule to us was the law. Bore oft on Sundays mot God's trusty few— An old-fachloned ineetliiff, yet with hearts firm and true. No orgiiu wns there, but as one they nil ganir. As the room and tho woods with their melody rang. Rptnimfla tho spot, plcturppquo waathe scono. Wlion mil uro In her attire was gorgeous. serene: Bttaylng saplings, forest trees like Bcutlnols . lono Boso niiijnstlc and high their claim to make known, Hopewell was tho namo on the brow of tho Of tho hnmblo lop- sehoolhoiiso, whllo tho bronlt and tho rill Wurmur(;d softly bolow o'er Its smooth, rocky Ecpea ling the samo soug as days vanished and Ijiante.r, too, sped, . Tho' lowly the spot, 'twill ever bo dcnr, Visions of the, with their presunoo bo And (.her years puss nwny, yet in memory Kllll Will J B(JO the old log Bchoolhoiiso on the brow — JavldJI. Ali iciilf. In Oiiitiaa-o Tnler Ocean. REGINALD'S WIFE. ACT I. "Yon dour, old boy," said the girl, "I am siiro I wish it could bo— with all iny hunrt— if 1 hnvo any heart." "J don't bulicvo you have," replied tho boy, gloomily. . "Woll, but Rug, consider; vou'vegot to money." "I've got £5 000. If u man can't make his way upou that ho must bo u poor stick." • "You would go iibrniui with it and digi und take your wile with you— to Wash and cook." "We would do something with the money hero. You should slay in Loudon. Ilosio." "Yes; in a suburban villa, at Shepherd's Bush perhaps. No, Reg, when I marry, if I over do— I am in uo hurry —I will stop out of this room into one exactly like it." Tho room was a splendid drawing-room in tho Palace gardens, splomlklly furnished. "I shall have my footman and my carriage, and 1 shall - " "llosip give mo tho right to earn all these things for you!" tho youn" man cried impetuously. "You can oarii them for me by tho time you have one foot in tho grave. Hadn't I better, in the meantime! marry some old gentleman with his one foot in the grave so as to bo ready for you a-rainst the time when you come homo? In two or three years the other foot, I dare say, would" slido into the grave as well. 1 ' "You laugh at rny trouble. You feel nothing." "If tho pater would part— but he wou't— ho says he wants all his money for himself, and that I've got to marrv well. Besides, Rug"— here her face clouded and sho lowered her voice— "there are times when he looks anxious. Wo didn't always livo in Palace gardens. Suppose wo should loso it all as quickly as wo <rot it. Oil!" She shivered and ' trembled. "No, I will never, never marry a poor man. Gut rich, my dear boy. and you may aspire even to iho valuable possession of this heartless hand." She hold it out. Ho took it. pressed it, stooped and kissed il. Then ho dropped her hand and walked quickly out of tho room. "Poor Reggie!" she murmured. "I wish— I wish— but what is the use of wishing?" round the it. Well ACT II. Two men—one young, Ihe other 50 eat iu the veranda of a small bungalow. Il was after breakfast. They lay back in lon<j bamboo chairs, each with a cigar. It looked as if they were resting. In reality they were talking business, and that Very seriously. "Tex, sir," said tho elder man, with something of an American accent, "I havo somehow taken a fancy to this place. Tho situation is healthy." "Well, I don't know; I have had more than one touch of fever." "Tho climate is lovely——" "Except in tho rains." "Tho soil is fiTliln " "I 1 vu dropped £/j.OOO iu it, and they' haven't come up yet." "They will. I'havo been estate and 1 see monoy in Sir, bore's my offer: £5.000 down.'hard cash, as soon as the papers are si»-nod." Reginald sat up. Ho was oil the point of accepting the proposal, when a pony rode up to the house, and (ho rider, a native groom, jumped off and gavo him a note. He opened it and read. It was from his nearest noi"-h- bor, two or throe miles away: "I);!n't sell that man your estate. Gold has Loon found. Tho whole country is full of jn-old. Hold on. He's an assnyor. If ho offers to buy, be quite sure ho has found gold on your laud.—F. G." Ho put tho note, into his pocket, gavo a verbal message to the boy. and turned to his guest without b'elrayiutr tho least astonishment or emotion. = "I bog your pardon. The note was from Bolamy, my next neighbor. Well? You were saying " "Only that I havo taken a fancy- perhaps a foolish fancy—to this place of yours, and I'll give you. if you like all that you have spent upon it." ."Well," he replied, reflectively, but With a little twinkle in his eye "tint seems handsome. Bin tho place isn't reall.y worth tho half that I have spout upon it. Anybody- would tell you that. Come let us bo honest, whatever wo are -I'll toll you a bettor way. Wo wi put iho matter into tho hands of Bellamy, llo knows what a coffee plantation is worth. Ho shall uatno a that in a day or two this ,„, would have'lfe'rtrtl th'p news'. A month Mater' the young coffuo- planter slomlon tha deck" of a steamer, homeward bound', in h'te porketbnok wata plan of his,auriferous estate; in a bag hanging a'roujiul his neck was a small collection rif.yellow nlfggpti; in his boxus was .a chosen assortment of quartz. . •'• '••• f ; ACT in. •••Well, sir,-" sa'id the financier, "you havo-brought this- •thing to mo. You want my adv'c««. Well, my advice is don't lool awayi'Che only griod thing that will ev()t"li!lp.peh to you. Luck such as this rhVesli't conic "more than once in a lifetime." "I have beenjoffered £10,000 for jny estate." "Oh, have .yd.ii? . Ten thousand! That was very. . liberal—very liberal, indeed. Ten thousand for a gold reef." "But I thousrhti'.-fn an .old-friend of my father, you'winld, perhaps——" "Young man,';.,don't 'fool it away. He's waiting for you, I suppose, round the corner, with ajjottle of fizz ready to close." '•'.•.• -, „ "Ho is." "•'•'•.. • • "Well, go and drink his champagne. Always got whatever you can. And then tell hini ; tlinjj you'll soo him——" "I certainly \y{fl, sir, if you advise it. And then?"" "And then—leave it to mo, And— young man—1 think I heard, a year or Iwo afo, something about von and mv girl Ko-u'o." .; " ' - • "There was .something:, sir. Not euougli to trouble you about il." "She told me. Rosie tells mo all her love affairs.""Is sho—is she unmarried?" "Oh, yes, and f or tho moment I believe sho i.s frod. She has jiad one or' two engagements!, bill somehow they came to nothing. There was the French count, bill"that was knocked in the head very early in consequence of things discovered. And there was the bloomin' Guano, but he fortunately smashed, much to Kosie's jnv, because sho never liked''him. Tho" last was Lord Evergreen. Ho was a nice old chap when you could understand what ho said, and Rpsie would have likod that lille very much, though-his grandchildren opposed the thing. Woll. sir, I suppose you couldn't understand the trouble we took lo keep that old man alive for his wedding. Science did all it could, but 'twas of no use." The financier sighed. '-The ways of providence are inscrutable. Ho" died", sir, the day before." "That was very sad." "A dashing of the cup from tho lip, sir. My (laughter would be a countess. Well, young gentleman, about this estate of yours. I think I soe a way—1 think, Iain not yet sure—that I do soe a way. Go now. See this libor-.l gentleman and drink his champagne, and come horo in a week. Then, if I still sec my way, yon shall understand what it means to hold the positiou in the city which 1 is mine." "And—and—mav Icallupon Rosie?" "Not till this day week; not till I havo made my way plain." ACT IV. . "And so il means lliis. Oh, Rosie. you look lovelier than ever, and I'm as happy as a king. It means this. Your lather is the greatest genius, in tho world. He buys mv property for £60 - OOU-JC60.000. Tlmt's over "£2,000 a year for me, and hn makes a company out of it with £loO.OOO capital. Ho says that, taking £10.000 out of it for expenses, there will be a profit of £80 - OOO—l hat's £3 000 a year for you, and £0*0.000, that's £2.000 more, my dearest Rosie. You remember what 1 you said, that when yon married you should stop out of one room like this ink) another just as good?" "Oh, Ruggie"—she sank upon his bosom—"yon know I never could love anybody but you. It's true I was engaged to old Lord Evergreen, but that was only because he had one foot—you know—and when the other foot went Oh! here vou are, you " novelist. box!" "Kiss me, Rosie.*' He looked . a; lianilsomo as Apollo and as cheerful "I wish a I.I the world .were' as happ} MS yon and me. Higlio! Some poo devils, I'm afrai "Tea or coffee, Rc» P.' 1 — Walter Resant Rnn BY TWELVE WISE MEN Cut-loan V. rilltun Ttutt. iluvn linen dercd bv Coronnrs* tturlos. Some of tho Coroners' Verdicts in tho country-'of fifty or sixty years ago are very eurinlis. The following nre some of.the causes assigned for death. "She came to her death by straifgu- lation in testimony we have sit Out hands and seal the day above wroten." "Pant Burns caino to his death by mule running away with a wagon and beino; thrown therefrom." "From causes unknown to the jury and having uo medical attendance." "Oanie. to his death from national bauses." "An inquisition holdon upon the body of John Brown there lying dead by Iho jurors whose names are hereto subscribed, who upon llieir oath do say that he came to his death iu the following manner, by falling off the plank bridge accidental while trying to cross tho stream and wasdrowu'ed." '•The joueros on tharo ouatho do say that ho came to his death by old ago, as tlia could not soo enuythiug else the nv.Utor." THE MANNERS OF .PARENTS. To Tlnvn Cnnrtfotn Cli'Mron Tli«V Mn»t Behave Conrt«nn«ly Townnl Tlifcm. 'We hear n good deal said about the behavior of children in these days, and these remarks are often the reverse of complimentary, says Eleanor A. Hun- t«r In. the Cincinnati Commercial Oa- tiiUc, but no one as yet lias seemed to seriously consider tho manners of in-own people in relation to children, though nowhere is the law.of cause and effect more clearly manifested.-; If parents are habitually courteous to their children the children always have pleasant manners. If they are rude, so aro the children. They reflect the manners of their elders as a mirror does the objects by which it is surrounded. Many parents, who are well-bred in their manners to their equals, never trouble themselves lo be considerate iu Iheir behavior to Iheir own children. Indeed, there are parents who actually seem to think thai, it is not well lo be courteous to a child. ••Say 'Thank yon,'" I heard a mother command a little daughter when she had tied a sash for her. 'You never say 'Thank you' to me." returned the child instantly. It is not mv place to say 'Thank you' to you. You aro my child, ami il : s your duty to do whatever I order," responded the mother. The child quietly walked from the room with linn-shut lips and flashing "Come to his death from the follow-1 (! 3' os ' !llul lll ° mother never noticed ing causes, to-wil: from some suddeut tll!lt ller command had not been WIT AND HUMOR. - Sober second thoughts ate generally preceded by headaches. —Texas Sfl- i'ugs. Woman is like a cigar. You canbot judsre the filling-by" the wrappefi— i'Msburg Dispatch. We never saw a man so sanctified- that he smilud when he paid his taxes. — Martha Vineyard Herald. When women go Into business t\- lent partnership will,' have to be nbol- IMmtl Pittohttt'fi cause lo tho jnoeres unknown." "The said deceased bein<f an orphan, father and mother being both dead." "From an overdose of gin administered by his own hand." "Disability caused by lunacy." "Being run over by two coal (rucks, while detached from'the engine." '•Como to his death by lender No. 7. jumping the'track, on "which he was rilling, either jumping or falling off and engine running over him, which was an accident and no fault of the engineer of said einjine." "She como to huiTdealh. by tho li"lit- ou {Striken her. • • ° "From hart desei/.e. 1 Sti'un<jo Fruit. Two Irishmen, 'recently landed from the old country, wore walking nlon" a lonely road, when they passed °au orchard containing plum trees covered with fruit. "The plums in this country aro good—eh. Mike? 1 'said Pat. "Troth", an' that's thrue. Pat," replied Mike'. "If you shake the tree, I'll stand below and thry tliim, Mike." said Pat. in, too, just a day too soon, I actually laughed. So the pater is jroinj; to make a company of it, is ho? "WoM, I hope he won't put any of his money into it, I'm sure, beea'uso of late all of the companies have turned out so badly." "But, my child, the place is full of gold." "Then why did ho tiirn it into a company, my dear boy? And why dulu t ho make you stick to it? But you know nothing of the city. Now lot us sit down and talk abo'ut what we shall do. Don't, you ridiculous boy!" ACT V. Another house just like the first, -the bride stopped out of one palace another. With their five or . . >Su Mike y;ot up to shako the tree, and Pat stood below. And the first shake lhat Mike gave he started a tree-toad from a sound nap and the Ireu-toad fell plump into Pat's opou mouth. Ho .•iplnttered, and gulped, and jumned ;ibout. At last lie called out, iu dismay: "Come on, Mike! I'll have no more of this country's plums. They have, four legs to them!"— Harper's ifjiiitff I'coplc. The Burlesque Was a Necessity, After the members of the quartet in the disguise of actors, had gone through i he usual act. involving discords and other absurdities, theyT came to the front of the stage, formed in line, put tlifm- hands behind their backs, and began a sentimental song, while the actors settled down for a short rest. Then it was that the country cousin turned to his city relative and said: "Why, thov made horrible discords ill first." •••Yes," re-plied the city relative. "And the actors all made fun of them." "Yes." "And the audience laughed at them." "Yes." "They made a regular burlesque of e s" the scene. "Yes. "But now they aro trying to reallv sing." ° ••They are trying to." "If that's what they're hero for why was all the horse-play put in?" "My boy," said the citv relative in a fatherly way, "you don't understand some of those modern plays. It was reasons. First, it was done for two into . — -.. — .. *».i^ ui six thousand a year tho youno- couple could just manage to make both ends meet. The husband was devoted; tho wito had Unit «lm nnni.i wish. everything that sho could \\ lio could bo happier than this pair in a nest so luxurious, their life so padded, their days so full of sunshine? _It was a year after marriage. Tho wife, conlrary to her usual custom was the first at, breakfast. A fow letters were waiting for her—chiefly invitations. She opened and read them Among thorn lay one addressed to her husband. Not looking at the address she opened and read that as well: ••l)KAit llKutsALu: I vcniiiro lo mldi-i-sH r/'i'i'','.? ",'-' <jitl n ' i0 '". 1 " r J'our own nil , .your o .1 , mash M-My huslmncl w:ia tho -yon roniL-inher It u >«-. 1, vlu-ir nl ' Ciui B(J( i help mo. Unless J luo uiy children unit J must 410 upon that price, and if wo can a^ree we wiM make a deal ofit." changed color. Ho wanted to settle the thing , u O ncp bo een gentlemen. What need of'third But Reginald stood firm ho presently rode away, Q uilo sure ,, , , meditatively, "is exactly tho kind of thing to make Ke<r. g.o uncomfortable. Why, it misfit inaka him unhappy all day. Defter '"f" it." She dropped tho fetter i, o the lire. "H 0 ' s of uu j mpu | 8 , vo omotional nature al ,d | 10 doosu'l under- Man I the city People are so foolish. dI«MI tl °M ibstll ° Wot old pater does tell, to be sure. He's a regular necessary in order to lug a quartet in where it didn't belong and so stop the action of the plav. Second—and this is .the principal reason, my bov—a certain amount of burlesque ia necessary to put tho audience in a humor lo stand the singing. If you wont to the theater much you'd understand all this."— (Jkicaijo Tribune. Curiosities About Coins. Cartain passages in the Illiad of Homer would lead to the inference that coins of brass wore struck as early as M A FT?. 1 * 1 9 1 - ' rr « l »"'°n aflirms that the Chinese had bronze coins as early ;, s mo B C. But Herodotus, "the Father of History," ascribes the "invention" of wins to the Lydians, about uiiin centuries B. C.,and there is no satisfactory evidence that coins wore known prior to that date. Tho original process of coining was very simple. A globular piece of metal, having a defined weight, was placed on a die, enirravod with somo national or religious symbol, nnd struck with a hammer until ii hail ro- ceived the impression. One of the most ancient Asiatic coins was tho lursian D.-irio, a gold coin .struck during tho reign of Darius, nearly live ounturios B. C. The first coinage in Koine was about the year 600 B C -I he metal used was bronze, and the unit of value was one pound iu weight. Iho coin was called an "as"; was brick- sliaped and stamped with the figure of a sheep or an ox. Silver was first coined at Rome In the year 27o B.C. The Jirst Roman £l,lT"-, wlls issued °nly about A "" "•• (j f 74 .The Saxons coined the first British pieces about tho year 279 A. D. The first colpnial coins issued in this country wore struck in MassaehuseUs in l<w.\ I hey were throe, six. and 12 pence UIOOB».-S<. Louis Kcpubiio. obeyed. How often do wo command when we should request. "Pass the broad." "Shut that door." "Go np-slairs and get me a clean handkerchief—quick." Then again, in some families children aro ignored. They como down to tho breakfast-room a'ml take their places at the tablo without any morning, greeting whatever. When school- time comes they aro put in order by Iheir mother and dismissed with a "There, you are ready at last. Go along." No wonder such children act shy and awkward when some stranger chances to give Iheui a cheerful groot- iug. When company comes, how many children aro lokl lo "keep out of the way"—to "keep still and not say anything" in the presence of the guests. It is not strange that Iho little things act like scared kittens under such circumstances. It is remarkable to me thai they appear as well as they do. I once knew a lady whose son, a little lad of 10, was the admiration of every one for his beautiful manners. While he was perfectly simple, frank and boyish, his manneVs were as assured and correct as those of a grown man. His mother could send him in the carriage alone to the station to bring a lady guest from the train, certain that he would «;ive her every needful attention. .Ho would take the checks,care for the baggage, and brin«- her to Iho house with every courtesy' And always when visitors were at his home he did his little share of entertaining. He was quick to wait upou them and to show them every respect, and, though he was not forward, he was quite ready to converse with Ihem if Ihey seemed so inclined. "How did you manage it? What course of training did you pursue?" people used to inquire. "Well," I heard his mother answer laughingly, at one time, "for one lhin«- I never snubbed him. He has uo idea Hiat there aro people in the world who do not like bovs. Ho supposes that everybody is as friendly as ho himself. Then 1 have always'brought him up to take care of mo and be polite to mo; and lam as careful to bo considerate and courteous to him as I am to his father. So ho never has to put on his good manners; they are tho habit of his life. I think that is about all there is of it." That was all, but it was a -rood deal- and, it all parents would pursue the saini.- course thoy would have less occasion to lament their children's rudeness and awkward ness. Had Studied Race-Track Crowds. "Greatest scheme in the world!" he exclaimed, as ho suddenly roused himself from a fow moments'"deep thought, "and there's a whole government sub- treastiry in it." "In what?" "I've just thought of it," conlinued the man without noticing the question. "I II just get a couple of pieces of "lass about a foot long and two or throe niches wide; and Ihen I'll fix them about an eighth of an inch apart, start half a dozen flies in from one end and the one that gets out the other end first wins." "Wins what?" "Tho race, man—the race! I'll o-j vo them all a fair start and color them so you can tell one from tho other, and say! there'll bo a mint of monoy in it." "But if they run off at the sides?" "Disqualify thorn! That's tho re«'u- lar way. TI, O wno | 0 Uli won , t cos( . anything, and Groat Scott! wo can buy a whole city a month after it's started." "I don't see anvthin "You don't! Ever track?" "Yos." "Seen the men there?" "Yes." „ " W - ull> 'V,y i<Iou is to sc 'l pools on the flies. Ihero'll be just as much excitement, and the expenses will be loss than at any other track in the city. 0,1 vo studied the subject."-GViJcaffo .—I'iilsburg Dispatch. Young people in the country are not so slow. They often make 'love at a rattling gale.— tankers Statesman. jagson says there aro men who go to political meetings, but who never cheer without inebriating. — Elmira Guzelle. Tito young man behind the ribbon counter is not necessarily modest just because he turns all colors.— Yonkers Statesman. Chefs complain that they only get $125 a mouth" in Boston. As if that weren't enough for cooking beans.— A: Y. World. t There is a law maxim that equity follows the law, which may bo true, but sho doesn't always overtake it.— Lowed Courier. When a young man is writing a love letter ho should keep constantly before his mind how it would look iu print.— Somervillc Journal. When, a man offers evidence lo prove everything lie says it will be much safer to permit him"to introduce it.— Gulveston News. Leary—"Still wniting for your ship to como in, oli?" Weary—"O, they've come. Whole llfot of 'em. All hardships."— Indianapolis Journal. When a man can demonstrate that there aro no Hies on him, if you look right close you will be apt to find long hairs ou iiis coat collar. - -Atcliison Globe. Cigarette smoking is said by a doctor to cause softening of the brain. The question is how he found it out, as no one with brains smokes cigarettes.— Texas Siftings. The Fiat Baby—Little Bobby: "Your new brother is awful little'." Little Harry (loflily): "On, he'll bo bigger yet! We are getting him on tho installment plan."— fuck. "What makes the policemen take in so many tramps?" said one of the profession lo another. "Cos it's so easy," was the reply. "They knows wo won't run."— Washington Star. "Why isn't Pauline married?" asked the family friend. "She's surely old enough." "Yes." answered the loving mother, "but you soo I'm too young jusl yet myself.""— Fliegende Blatter. "I hear you fought a duel with Parker." "1 did." "Weren't you afraid to stand up before a loaded pistol?" "Not with Parker holding it. I'm insured iu his company."— -Harper's Ba- |j cotr com, savl« "Mamma, does Surah drink ink? 1 Harper's Bazxr. A correspondent of Woman, from The Hague tells on ;......„ which is current there of her tnnjest7 reception, somo short time air 0) J foreign ambassador*. Tho queen 0 ij||J .gravely to the minister for some utos, holding a favorite doll j n arms during the interview. At she looked up archly and said- wonder that you are not afraid to com! near me; all my dolls have had measla you know." ' ' First Arctic IJxplorer—"I say!" Set. ond Arctic Explorer—"Say on." .,] •say! We're in a box."" "We'll have to wait for a party." ''That's il." "One will 1 suppose." "Yes, they alwayscS —but not always on time." "I savl« "Well?" "Don't you think tho eut style of Arctic exploration be improved?" "Perhaps so. VYH would you suggest?" "I think Uj rescuing party ought to go ahead".. N. Y.. Weekly. J. W. Ashman, an eloquent divine of the Episcopal church and foruiet resident ol Detroit, numbered auiont his bright family of little ones an or. phau niece of o years, who had fallej to his carp. This young.child took w pecial delight in the fact that her birth.' day happened iu the same nionllm' thai of one of her cousins of whom slu<! was particularly fond. One afternoon' when Mrs. Ashman was entcrtainine somo friends who had dropped in, $ conversation turned to 'birthplaces "Tiiis little girl," said Mr*. As! taking her niece by the hand, born in Burmah." "Oh, amity sho. her eyes wullwiy; with tears, i«aid I was born in March". ~ 1'resn. FOR NOTHING, o r e ,, r( COT THE LICKING IVImt IIiiTov a Yiimiestor nf Can <;roiu,c'. time ago," b "and I wasn't My folks wore ' zir. "Oh. yes," answered Freddy in reply to his father's question. "It's perfectly safe U) skate, for tho icu is two feet thick, and tho water is onlv twelve inches in the deepest part."— Hariwr's Young People. Poet—"Two weeks asro I sent a poem and inclosed a stamp for approval." Editor—"Yes, I remember. V\e approved of the stamp. It was a daisy. I dou'i remember iho poem." —A'. Y. Herald. Gucsl—"I waul a good hearty dinner—plenty of variety. What would you advise?" Waiter—"Order co.n- somme soup, hash, and mince pio. That'll bo sure to include evorythiu" " —Buffalo Express. ~ "Yes," said Iho sensible girl, "she's an heiress, but I'm afraid sho doesn't know how to husband her resources." "0, yes, she does," was tho reply. She's engaged to be married now."— Washington Star. "Aren't vou afraid ing rather too well asked the chicken. my health," answered the turkey, be- twoen pecks. "I am out for tho'stuff so to sneak."— Indianapolis Journal. ' At the marriage of n voting and charmmogirl to an old" andlnlirui Mrs. B. —"Mv" should sell wheezy old skeleton." dear, it is not a sale, only a lease."— lexas Stflings. Young Wife—"Harry, how "The worst licking 1 over get in my '• life was one that was wholly nude'- served," said a well-known geiillinnan the other day. "In fact," ho went on, "il was Iho only real licking I ever received, and iho smart of il slill lingers iu my imagination. "It happened a lon< conlinued, reflectively, more than 8 years old. living ou a farm then, down in Indiana, and my father believed in teach, ing boys how to work. Like most youngsters, I fancied play more than labor, yet I, was not a fastybones by any moans, for I never hesitated to help around ihe house and elsewhere when I saw something in it. "To stimulate my industry my father often offered me small sums of money for the performance of little jobs to which I was equal, such as splitting up kindling wood, shelling corn and feeding the horses. On one occasion ho made a bargain with me to clean up the barnyard, promising me a quarter tor the job. "Well. I went at it with zest, visions of candy and raisins spurring me ou. It was late in the .afternoon, and 1 was scraping away at the trash and refuse like a good fellow, when I glanced up and saw my mother approaching with un air that told mo at once that something had happened. But I didn't expect what was coming, proceeding vigorously ami cheerily with my task. • "My mother always steps pretty high when sho is mad,'" tho gentleman explained, "and this lime I noticed that her stride was unusually aggressive. I wondered what could be llio trouble, but speculation was cut short by her coming up. seizing me by the scruff .of the neck, turning me across her knee and basting mo furiously with a barrel-stave w'hich I saw her pick up as she came toward mo. "Il was a terrible surprise and it wasn't uulil she had paddled me until I felt like I was a lire that I managed between my sobs to demand an explanation. "Til teach you how to kill my chickens,"' sho panted, "I'll teach you —"and she made another dash at me, as if she meant to give me another dose of tho same medicine. But I was on my guard and eluded her clutch. '"Kilt your chickens?' I cried, rubbing smarts. 'Why, I never touched youv chickens.' '"You did, you little rascal. You V n • lj(lok tllcrc! • Loold O1 >' -, skln i' ou ill 'vo,' and sho started for herself to that nl ° again, but I dodged her, and sho that you are liv- for your health?" I ain't in this for cau vou in it!" race ,1 "-* -••»» «. t i , ti\j »» u»m V O14 take so much notice of other wonion? You used to toll mo that I entirely filled your heart." Young Husband- Yos, dear; but there's such a thin- as en arsomont of the heart, you know."— Boston Transcript. Muggins ( W |,o has staid rather late) —"bood niirht, Miss Dorothy I've had a delightful evening. I really had a frightful headache when I came in.'aud now it has disappeared." Miss Dorothy—"But it is not lost." Exit Mn.r- ^ins, thinking violently.— Harper's Ba- "Talk of paying as you go! Jsn't the wholo solar system one tremendous borrowing? Don't tho moon and planets borrow all their liirht from the sun? ..Y«S. but then they have the advantage of going to one that can al- Tt**»t»ii i>> .>!.,. i.l. « . . *"••• *»i began to cry. "'I woufdn't have believed you could do such a trick,' she sobbed. •Here every old lion on tho place ia running about with a chicken or a duck in her bill—' "And sure enough that was what I saw when I looked about me. The barn-yard was full of lions and every one of them was running about with a chick that had evidently got out of its shell prematurely. There wore scores of the biddies and thoy were bavin" a picnic. I saw what destruction l?ad been wrought at a glance. I knew that a dozen nests had been broken K.'.V'l ! , il . 'f" ist two ! ve I'mes that uuai- been needed rays."~Jialti. A Determined Man. . -'M?' 8 M T , l)OUght nl - v l)l ' as8 Bedstead " said Fiokloby to tho Arounder " 0 man ,n the store said that if the bra*" H! I d better rub it with a little bo the minute the beer. came ordered a dozo Docalur, Mich.,has four peppermint- oil factories, and tliev are all kept > distilling oil from "the plant raised he large tract of swamp land near 1 tnal a few year, worthless. on the consid- bedstead bottles Well . ".""i as I drink another ways make tho more American. Timmins—"Er—is Laura of any education?" Simmons-' pose so. Why? a girl caught her looking i, llo -! sun- Timmins-'O P tl , that sho was °r '"/ i " 1 «g< u <»'y ohs Journal. Barclay, who is undergoing pecte l' on ^r 601 *' 180 "° ' school?! 8Ul i 18 ? kitten lo 0,1 it T Ul ] gl18 ns 1 V! '*„ Iea c'>er (liangin rod) - ' -Barclay, why do " ' volume of 8he lt)oso fie he e»un the boy."— n,. i "J'iPPGd the wrong Harper's Young People, & A germ of philosophy j n a uoruun tie boy took root rather unexpected- tolas parents the other n- - ' new cook, tho tir«t person the little chap had ever Been her advent to the kitchen. The sat for some titye silently regard- I'er, and then quietly ' " IdUe'd Cl ' iCkS aUtl Ulu;kliu S 3 "'Why. ma, I didn't do it. I didn't. thin<r'" OW woul(Jn ' 1 ' 'I" so bad a '"Then who did. you little scampP 1 she asked, not believing, l "Aud just then I caught sight of uiy o-yoar-old brother. "lie was standing at a little distance « Hi a duckling dangling iu one hand and a cluck in the other. "But I had had the licking just the same.' The Weight of a Dollar Bill, ' uJo! Vl 6 Treasiu 7 ''ore one day this week the question came up as to the SJo 0 '"-' 1 - 1 bi "' SU • ° f P" rf ?^ lion and the surprising discovery was made that twenty ."seven $1 notes weighed exactly as much as u $20 gold piece. The latter just balances 540 grams. However, the bills weighed were perfectly crisp and new. Trial inado with spiled notes, such as como in every day for redemption, showed • hod weig , timt twenty-seven of them considerably more than tho $20 coin. ^vory paper dollar on its way through the world continually accumulates dirt, perspiration anil grease, so that after* year of use it is perceptibly heavier.-* Wushtngton Letter •

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