The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on February 3, 1892 · Page 6
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 6

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, February 3, 1892
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THE tJPPEft jDEs MOtNBS, EMESPAMtJABY 3. 1892, j A Twilight Story. i"Anntle, win j;'>u toll n story?" snid my little fell around us 1 niece of tlire<-, icoiirly winter twilight I an.«wcror| io her pleading; "Once, (^ ^ was very small, .'With my p-ipti imd my mnmmn I went out to j make a cull; (And a Intlv, plfnscd to see us. gave me quite a proudly, smiling all , . •which 1 cai-rkd home alo igrtho way. he, "I told you not to "But," said have it out." ••Telling me not to have 4't out," plied the, amiable wt.iuan. "won't help me. and it won't help you. The re- '•'Soon I met two other children, clnd in rn?s j and end of face, Who prow f Iraiiecly, wildly joyous as I neared IH- Hicir eianding-place. Twas B'i uotxl to sve the flowers? 'Giro us . one— nli, oiieJ' they cried. •But I pnsscd tin m without speaking; left them their wish deuled. Tettho tnom'ry of their asking haunted me ' bjr niithtnndday. ' 'Glvo us one !' J heard them sayiog, even In } my mirthful play. mourn, because In childhood I refused to give a dower: I bad Tears vrero In •D.d not make those others happy when M It In my power." ffluadenly 1 ceased my storr. my nlecf's eyes— iTcnrs of tciiilcrnesB and plty-wliilc she plan- j lied ttBwei-t sutprlfe: Iwllleentl a flower lo-morrow to those little clilldron ne .r." Could J toll her that (heir childhood had been gono this many a year? —Mary J. Porter. In Harper's Dnzar. ! IT WAS ROUGH ON THE LAD. , But Thnn Ho Looknil no Prnuil They did not l)»ro on>r Him n Lift. When I was in Switzerland I ran across a half whimsical, half pathetic little incident which befell a Yankee boy of seventeen. It didn't show much sense on his part, but plenty of pluck, which is not as good as sense but a good thing when it is needed to fetch a fellow through. His party was going up to the Rhone glacier, and he iu heedless fashion did not ascertain that the pass divided above Hospeuthal, the Furca beiuo- the correct road, while tho St. Gothard went to. the left and down into Italy. He was doing the trip on foot while the rest of his party were riding. Taking the footpath, which was a Shorter cut than was the carriage road, he missed the fork in the road and started off toward Italy without knowing his mistake. He could talk enough French to say Glace du Rhone aud that was about all. He trudged along the greater part of the day, stopping at a wayside iuu for a bitu of lunch aud a bottle of beer.and not until ho reached Airolo at the foot Of the St. Gothard did he begin to suspect-that all was not right. He saw a pretty valley with a tiny glacier at tho cud. "Rhone du glace?" he asked of the Ill's t Italian he met. He pointed to the distant ice aud the man nodded, so ho weut ou at a rapid pace, for it was getting late. It was a beautiful and peaceful little vale, dot- tod with humble crucifixes. The people were polite aud bade him "ood evening, men, women and children. It was not until nearly sundown that lie met an intelligent fellow who talked trench and comprehended his Rhone du''Glaco question. He got very much excited and by gestures more than words indicated that tho lad was away off, the track, and that, iu fact, he must retrace his stops. After walking all day this was tou"-h .news, but there was only one thiujrlo •do, .turn about and trudge sturdily ••back. So back he went to Airolo aud after a bite to eat, up the mountain side in tho grandest uiooulight that ever shone. And so, footsore and weary, with pain at his heart to think of the anxiety of his father when lie nearly walket . tooth could have been saved, and what .,'","] Y- h , u ? I W!lA io so nillch l lni » that I didn't kno\v what I said should not have caused you to do a wfon<» I ;im going to sue you for damages." 0 blip, did so and .won her case, the dentist paying $100 for having obliged her. It may surprise the reader to have me add that I do not sympathize with him. If a tooth can be saved a dentist should no more extract it at the whim of the patient than should a surgeon cut off a linger to satisfy- a crank As to which teeth should be extracted. it would be impossible to cover the whole Held of exceptional eases in au article of this kind. 1 can only generalize. There is, .however, np~ex- ceptitin to the rule that a "dead" tooth should be removed always. By "dead" tooth I must not be understood as meaning one iu which the pulp has been destroyed and from which it has been removed — A T . Y. Herald A §T6RyOFvVAtfeRld6. Fr.'TicIi <?«-n J -rnl \Vn< Stolen by a Tonng £nc«'«1i Officer. HOW TALLEYRAND WAS CRIPPLED. 'lie Vexed Qucntlnn Settled by Tallev- rancl Himself. The cause of Talleyrand's lameness has long been a matter of dispute. During the fifty-two years which have elapsed since his death, his deformity has been accounted for iu all manner of ways. Some stories have it that the defect was congenital; others that it was occasioned by au accident which befell him in his iu fancy. The most curious explanation of all is that offered by a writer iu the Quarterly Itcvieiv. "To quote the very words of our informant, an eminently distinguished diplomat, says this writer, ••Talleyrand's Vienna colleague, Baron Wessenberu-, told me years ago that his lameness' was owing to the carelessness of his nurse, who laid'him down iu a field while she flirted with her sweetheart, anU on coming back to her char-re found some pigs dining on the iufanF's legs. I am sure that Wesseuberg told me this as an established fact, and I am all but sure that his authority was lalleyraud himself." In the extracts from his memoirs, in the January Century, :ind himself settles the controversy. "At the age of four," says he. "I accidentally fell from the top of a cupboard, aud dislocated my foot. Ihe woman to whose care I was in- trusted ouly informed my family of this several months afterward. * "* * The dislocation of my foot had been neglected too long to be remedied; even niy other foot, having to bear alone the whote weiirht of my body had grown weaker, and thus I remained lame for life. That accideiit, adds, "had a great influence over after life." . . One would .The only priso.ier made by the?English reserve at Waterloo, -stiys an En- gtrsh paper, was. a French general, whose capture was due to the cool head and stout heart' of a ' young brigade major.anxious for- adventure. During the battle several regiments of cavalry and infantry were kept'in reserve,; under a heavy fire frolh -the French" guns. Great was the;-;.-hhvpc, and neither men nor horses ..relished the passive attitude to which tliey were condemned. While a group'bt officers in front of the left wing of the,,-re.serve- were discussing tho situation tlifiirriatr. tention was attracted to a Freu 'oral and his staff, all on'.'hoi. who were looking through'their es at the Englishmen. One'of the group was Capt. Halkett, a young btigaje major mounted on a" thoroUglib'rejI.; Suddenly he exclaimed:. "I'llI lay : auj"' one five pounds that I will bring "dhat French general over 'here dear!' 1 or alive. Who'll lake my'bet?" "'"Done, done, done!" shouted several officers. The captain examined the saddle- girths and his pistols., Then, shouting "good-by!"\ind putting spu'rs 'lo- his od at a o/tl\ehiseives? f\mf all outbreaks are revented by^iie marine eii duty^ ht sailors do: otiii board shi.p has teu to*?!?,-' They "play and work, at in /g^jvups.;.^messes,, each '' nics.'s having it's^copk,' who is nptTeally a (took, but'« caterer who is paid by the!moti;fol'-'jlopki.i»g after tiieir comfort, for bimng the eSlras, .,pr "shore grub," wMHh cotis'istipbf both necessaries and'htxuries are not included in the gdVernment-'ratipn. Life IiRUVeen-idecHs'inclu.des also that of the ol]ice"rv); .b'tit it,is;onty the present system of: officers 1 4».esse;s..of which it is Worth jwHilti.saving in'u'ch. Officers are vei;}5 hnicirlike.u'ieir of their class everywtefe,, ahd^mbst;'of them are sometbijes' t|pj\df\ijly bored at sea wliert they aife not actually on duty. They cat\ read; rib'S they) eau -Write iu a diary, ;prVeT'tlteIi i 'mails ready, aud they can -talk'/aiitl play cattjs; but, talking and .pla}jjii£'eijlrds jfofftliree years with the saifle r $et,9'f uieli^are c'ouducive to yawn- horse, he dashed furious pace Jilt \JII\J published Talleyram across the plain between -'the.'. 1 British and French lines. His comrades Mr; lowed him with their glasses, not speaking a word. The FroiieJimen qpV posite seemed puzzled. 'Belit/ving th'fit the Englishman's horse hud bolted,' and that the rider had; lost -jcoutro.l.! of; him, they opened their ranks to let, the runaway horse through. • Hal.k'etl/' steered his steed so as t •' grazo' *the mounted general on the r'^ht siclHl' 'At that instant he put liis nriii aroui1d,the Frenchman's waist,,, lifted him. v/ bodjlv out of the saddle, and, ..-throwjiig Ij-iin across his own horse's"" neck" ; turned sharp and made for the Ensrl'iyh .linos. When the general's staff rea'llzedi 'the ' meaning of tlieibold rider thefy dashed- after Inm; but he liatKa goo,i,L;,starti and not a Frenchman dared to, lire 1 |or fear of hitting the general). * J -' J1 '•,.,;'. '•.-'•' Half a squml of English clFagoohSi seeing Halkett 1 >ii; dozeiv French olliuers, charged them. Tlioy Halkett . .,. . >vardrppm Officers, over whom lljq' eSe'ciitiyejpflicer presides have de- CKI&IJV the |best of the captain and the (1(1 liiihjil,'for "they, have some society, jand'iiv'en quarrelsome society is pre- leraljj'e in .gei'tal'u moods of the human 'iiijric! to'''.jjb'ljtiul'e. But the captain 'tlitf best way' to get )ts?"' Jim—"Dig, of opened their ranks to • l(3t ' he my lie failed to turn up, the night out, laud- iing at Hospoulha! about four in the uiioriiiug. Then he learned his mistake, was told the diligence would be along at eight and went to bed. It was the best that lie could do. At eight the diligence came :ilnn<r— ami was crowded. They could no give him a .seat. So there was nothim to do but climb again— climb the roa'd ho ought to have taken tho day before. But what a olimb that was! It seem ed as if his ft-ct were a's heavy as irou shoes. There were great blisters on them and ho could scarcely put one foo above tho other. .. When ho had traveled for severa hours a carriage came along, going the same way as IMS. It had Americans foi passengers. Oh, if they would give him a ride! He looked at. them beseechingly. Two young ladies iu the carriage looked at" him with interest. They had heard his story at Hospoii- thal. They said afterward that they ' wore dying to oiler him the vacant seat in their carriage, but lie had suc.h a proud look on his face— lluaven save tho mark!— that they did not venture lest ho should resent it. And so, between his siluneo and theirs hu got no ride, but; was soon left behind by thu strangers, who told the story when they reached llm Glacier and relieved tho fears of his father, who was almost frantic- with griof and anxiety. It \Vas nearly six o'clock when he crept down to tho hotel on his blistered foot. Of he was tho hero of the night, and when the people luarned of tho miles of mountain climbinir that he had douo they marvelled. _As for the two young la.lies who pil-ied but did not invite 'him. they retired within their shells anil hurriod away as quickly as they could. So nil- other romance was spoilod because the actors did not do tho proper thin«-, and tho wedding which would haviUakuu place iu novels did not dome oil'. Alas! iiow oflou it is thus in the happening of the real world.— A'. Y. IkrnU. ° suppose that a consciousness of his own deformity would have made him more lenient to the defects of others. That this was uot the case is illustrated iu his reply to a-questioner whose misfortune it was'-'to be cross-eyed. ; Meeting Talleyrand as the" great statesman was leaving a coun,qil where there had been much wran»-iin<>- aud confusion, this person callcil o"u to him: -Well, M. de things lookiug?" "Like your eyes, sir,?!i \y-as the tiug response. , through,closed thorn U[i>agaia the -moment he was inline Tear; •// and '-then forced the Frertohin'eu to turn -swiftly and seek sheltor'-'undei' th'oft owirgun's". Amid the uiad'dest fcMjq'rinir- fiajlJett stopped in froni, of'l'hpi -British 1 ' -lilies, with'the general lutl'f dead bnlr seed rely clasped in his'stroii'g'al'ms;- Hti juiupeU from his. lio^e,';•' "apolqgi'jse'il to the prisoner for the 1 uw.c^'reuToiiio'iis' ivav iu .which he h.a'd'b'edn''.hanil|ed,, 'and," iu reply to ,th£'.congratulation*/ of his comrades, said;sjm,ply: 'Praise'mv horse, -not me." : ;-'fjhe c!aptured;;'g.eueTul was treated wjt,lrtlio;;utujt)S.V courtesy aud consideration. V : !"'.'",.. ' Haw he jjiifeppsfii nir ; a'n''6niop.iSoekep und .'''' ' "a '' •' "a Cri'Vi'PlorV Talleyrand, how'are Pul ling Tooth. If a tooth ached at one lime it was doomed. The sufferer went to tin* dentist, said "Pull my tooth." aM ,i presto— the tooth was pulled. To obey stieh an instruction to-day mi"-ht be t commit malpractice, anil it In ay not bo out of place to relate au incident which will show how people mav be inconsistent, and yet be supported by the mighty arm of the law. A woman called at the office of a dentist and asked to have a tooth extracted. The dentist hesitated, sayiusr that it could and should be saved. Very sharp Wnit the reply. * "I guess I know what I want, full wlowilp. nl M )l ' 11U «° ">'«»"t'"'r r,mn who will. Her rc , IIMl u , IS . „ tM , and she took the offender ulon* with lier. A weok later she crtll«d Vain uud upbraided the deuti.t for th PI tier tooth. 39t4 Sole Survivor of Caster's Fight;!''' For many years after .the Ouster massacre, whenever the Seventh-CaTv- alry was paraded, or there way; any mounted formation, there was) pre"- seuted the pathetic sight of an ol'il cavalry charger, saddled and equipped, aud led by a trooper on each.sjde,'.the empty saddle telling the story oFlho old horse's faithfulness. He'wag''the sole survivor found ou the jjeld of the Ouster massacre. He belongs 'to an officer in the regiment, 'ari'd^wa'toiied by iiis master's body; altliWugh' wounded in a dozen places, 'for days and nights, and whou thoi ( rei--oiit'rs caino there ho stood, gaunt, starving, wounded, -but faithful to tho.dead man,- -The late Gen. Sturgis. who w}vs r thori col- oupl of the regiment-, ' and 1 who •lost/a splendid young sou,in the fight, issued an order that the horse should be eared lor to the end of, .his diiys, as attached to the regiment, and t|iat"'at'all mounted formations ho should bo hi line. He lived to a goo:dold ngv':'-*-ChicagoInter* Ocean. .,, •'"•,-.. rt^Of putting the right men in the. rllfbt placesi '.VJiVilleyrand once said. "is litsit in' the •scitonee of -goverment; but-tjIiUl. of'Iindtiigip'ijice-s for the dis- couij.'6nt(;tl- is tlVe" -nipsl difficult.' 1 IlOwould seem' from this that the dis- ti.daraished FftfncH statesman was as • '' a'prey'to offlee-seekers as are the ;' men'. '/of . our own time. His iljuuer ofillsposing of them is amns- ily'illus'triited iu the followiu»- auec- ] ° 'keeps to his apartment, which isguard- •Ctl.ljy the ^rilerly, and both ho and the aquiiral are.surrounded by a mass of chilly .ftiquette. When'the captain grows .tired of reading, he can smoke, 'and consplvf'hjniself with the reflection that when he is admiral he will have his sWff niess with him. When he grqtfs'weary of reflectiugon tho glories of ad'n'iiralhood, ho cau play sol'itaire, and')yh«'ii he is tired of that, he can de- uouiiud his own idiocy in yielding to such au amusement. 11'he wardroom oflicers mess togetlier. The captain messes alone, and the ad- -niiral mosses alone. Sometimes the 'captain aud the admiral live very much together. Usually their quarters, ..which are in the stern of the ship, are so arranged that they cau be thrown into one set of apartments. The ad- .riiiral and his fleet caplaiu ought certainly to be on such terms of friendship that living together would be a pleasure. But there have been instances where a short experience at sea has deen quilo euouirh" to master what had seemed to be" a friendship ashore, and to effectually close the door between the cabins of the admiral aud the captain. Then the two would uot speak until the end of the cruise, if they were compelled to remain together for so long a time.— Henry L. Nelson, in Harper's Weekly. Pliilopcna in Germany. The German melhod of mana<nn<> the pleasant play of philopena.?s al follows: When a couple meet after eatins philopena together no advantage is taken of the other until one of "them pronounces the word "philouena.' two his va- Lmrge Kitchen. The Bon, Marelus in Paris possesses .u-obably the largest kitchen in the world. It provides food for all the employes of the house, 4. QUO in number. The smallest 'kettle holds sevr-n- iv-live quarts,' the largest 375 quails. I here are -fifty ..frying-pans, eaeh of winch is capable of co'okin" 300 uts at a time, or of frying L'3u )l potatoes, \\hen there are o r breakfast 7,800 ,egg, !m . ,, S(;(|> Ihero arc sixty euok's and 100 kitcaeu .toys. Singular Stjotlish Superstition. !, Quo day. of these troublesome .persons:'•presented himself to M. de Talleyrand and reminded him that ho had beeu.promised a place. "Very well," said Talleyrand, "but [ell. sofuothing that suits and which can be'given. You don't know of anything? \Vell, find something You must, admit that I haven't the time to search for you." j.Tlwauplicant thus disposed of for the time beiug, but u day or I'ater he again presented himself, taco radiant with hope, and said: . '-"Sir, such and such a place is can I." "Vacant," replied Talleyrand. "We what do you wish me io do? You ought to know that when a place i: vacant it has already been promised ' Like many another famous man, both before his time and since Taller- rand exhibited—at least iu early life a great reluctance to settling with his ereduors When he was apiminled Jjishpp of Aulun by Louis XVI., ho considered a line, now coach to bo necessary to the proper maintenance of that ollieo. Accordingly, a coach was ordered and delivered, but ijot paid for. Some lime after, as tho newly appointed bishop was about to enter his coach he noticed a strange man standing near who bowed continually until tho coach was driven away. This occurred for several days, until at length Jalloyrand, addressing tho strau^or said: ° ' eiil pounds the son of a tip-town resident, of old Trinity i. The my friend if he was -o- I was wilh a frii'iif vell-kuowu 1 Seolcli islening to the chimes vhen the new year (; . um . •<>n>ig man l,a, M | 1( . iU | ()f , M . iir|lt r( . i( ""r. and that fact wa.s the can-..- of iy learning of ;i V e rv - peculiar S ish Hiip(.T.,liiiou. U'heri the ' <• I aakei' ing home. "No." ho said, 'Til not go i tllln( . for an Hour or so or until / ,,,„ Slln , t , t my brother J'om has got in. y,,n «•>. i'o.n .s hair M as Wart-kHs,nine i, m |' tin I my n.othf-r would it ln,o^ tat •<• -, fii if f .should be the lira ,,,,-*,„ to <*,£ tlie thrc«hold of our home <„> the \V^ CtiHon -un'r"'^' ^ '"'"^ " '' *'V'^- red-,,e,-nlr.d ii/rlivi.|iial /ir<t cjiter-t a ' hon.M: on (he. opening d,v/ o/ (.,„. '.'. I UK-re, will he nothinv M,t i, a /l |,',^ "; n ! store K.r UK; hoiH«r.oid (in if'< i-,-' I nour-i. f i, ; ,v^known ,(,,< /„,,,„. '/.;; "Well, my good ninn, who are you?" "1 am your coaelimakor, my lord.' replied the stranger. "AhP said 'Talleyrand, "you arp my coachmaker; and what do. 'vou want, my eoaehmaker?" "I want to be paid, my lord." "Ah! you are my eoaehmaker, and you want to bo paid. You shall bo paid, rny coachmaker." "I5ut when, my lord?" "Il.iiu!" said Talleyrand, settlin" himself comfortably amon- (he ^\T- ions of his new eoaeh and ovoin-' his coaohmakor .severely. "Yiju'iire "very This is tho warning that now the" sport is to begin. Let us suppose that a gentleman calls upon a lady. She invites him to walk- in and at the same time speaks the talismanie word. If he accepts the of- ier to walk in he is lost, unless she removes the ban by telliug him to "o away. . D e If she asks him to take off his hat he must resolutely keep it ou; if to be sealed he must stand, or if at the table she should hand him any article which he accepts she wins the forfeit. During all this time she endeavors to take him by surprise, for the acceptance of any offer from tho other wins the game. Both are constantly exercising their wits to prevent bein"- caught, and the sport often goes ou all tlie evening. Perhaps the gentleman brings a lit- t e present and says, "Knowiii"- that I sha I lose my philopena,I have brought it along—here it is." If she is caught off her guard by the smooth .speech she loses, for he immediately claims for- 1^ neither wins at the first meetinn- the sport is continued Io the second"? and it may happen that half a dozen parties moot at the same time, all anxious to win of their phlopena part- IHT.S, so that the scene often becomes ludicrously amusing. It is "diamond cut diamond" in vor y truth. The Proper Kind of Check, ''The sober second thought, usually comes after the banquet.— Piltsburg D.ispdteh. ' • ...'. , ' " ' .. \ A man never gets s6-poor thai -Ifc can't borrow trouble williout security. —Atchison Globe. • Let a man lead a crooked life long enough and he will soou_ be iu straits. — St. Joseph News. Jack—"Wlmi'V hold of Greek roots? Course."— Yale Record. -.'. It is queer about society; the minute a man gets into it he expects to get asked otil.—Elmira Gazette. Salvation is something like a bonnet —it's the trimmings that make the expense.— Indianapolis Journal. A man who hasn't go.t. religion enough to hold him level. iu a horse trade~needs more.—Sam's Horn. The actress who is "wedded to her art" gets a divorce as soon as the right man comes along.— Texas Siftings. , Complaint is made, that the choir sings out of tune. We recommend that they wear tunics.— Yale Eecord. Watts—"Hello, Potts. Why arc you eating down-towu?. Wife gone away?" Potts—"No. Her dog is dead."— Indianapolis Journal. A fugitive poem is one that has escaped"from its author after it has been out doing time in a scrap-book.— New Orleans Picayune. He—"I'm afraid I wasn't myself at tho reception yesterday." She—"I thought not; you were so entertaining."— St. Joseph News. "I have had reverses, but, thank Heaven, I still have my voice." "Are you a singer?" "No; I aui a politician."— Washington Post. If some-one should discover a country where people can't remember, is there any one in the world who would not try to go there?— Atchison Globe. "Paw, what is a partisan?" "It's a man that's always ou one side." "And an independent?" "0, he's always ou the other side."— Indianapolis Journal. Miss Palisade—"We rather expected you at the church trimming. Mr. Clev- ertou." Cleverlou—"O, I'm not much of a hand at flirting."— Brooklyn Life. "Bronsou calls his wife a perfect poem. I think she's a termagant." "Well, that's what Bronson means. She is not easily composed."—^. Y Swi. Maud—"George told mo to-day that my face was my fortune." Eihel— "He ought to have had better manners than Io twit on your poverty!" . "I understand," Said the secretary fo a stockholder in the*! company, "that Sir Edwin Ar'n 0 |<ii * .$25.000 for his 'Light of Asia.'" ..v -don't tell mei".was the reply, uw, was it; gas or toil Post. Mrs. N, Peak— "Her\> is pathetift in to-day's paper. A'miuj 1 Kansas died and his faithful wife lowed, him in less than four Mr. N. Peck—"I suppose she c let him out of sight any longer, Indianapolis Journal. "I want sd'mething for my boy i. work at," said an anxious father [ 0 ! friend. "What can he do?" "\V e ||ii rallied the father, with a sigh, \ really don't know. He is too IMi'tfo! heavy work and too heavy for 3 lUi. work."— Washington Star. " ."•.• "I thought I'd come to Washington and see congress make some of ow huvs,'! said the visitor, as ho set hij gripsack down on the hotel counter "How many years do you expect to remain with us?" inquired the clerk politely.— .Washington Post. Marriage Broker—"There is the picture of Miss Perlstone. Wimt do you think of her?" Customer— "H'n, i must say it all depends on the sizeoi her marriage portion whether her cheeks are fallen iu or are nierelt overgrown iVimp\es."—Fiiegcnde Bid "The operation," said tho gently to the man who had with au accident, "will be very puij.' fill. I strongly advise you to fake an anrasUiolie." "No," said the sufferer, "I think lean bear it. I have bi-ei used to shaving myself."— tit. Joseph News. ' ' An E ti tun Clement. N. Y. Herald, "I see some Canadian has invented a buttonless shirt." "That's nothinw new. I've worn them 1 ever since my wife was engaged iu church work."— N. Y. Herald. impatient "Do von The man who will complain that a twenty-minute .sermon is too Ion" will sit half a day watching a couple of chess players making two Norristown Herald. "Look out," howled tho victim iu the barber's chair, think you're carving in wood?" "No, sir; more like etching ou brass "— Milwaukee Sentinel. Greene—"The Indians believe that when they die they go to the happv hunting-grounds." White—"Ah, ves I hat undiscovered bourne where they goon those still hunts."— N. Y. Herald. Teacher—;'Yos. R llssiil is !ln . ' and the Capital is in St. Petersonr" Mention a stapie product of that country, Juddy." Juddy (after some de—' 'Exiles!"— Harper's Youna A little presence of mind always comes in handy aud frequently savcsa great deal of trouble. I saw this forcibly illustrated on Broad street a few days ago. says a writer in the Atlanta Journal. A man was driving four horses to a large wagon when one of them, a Texas pony, began to fret. Instead of coaxing him up a little he began to slash him unmercifully at which the little fellow hit back wilh his heels. The more Ihe man lashed the harder the pony kicked, and finally his lc"3 If became tangled in tho harness and he'fe: quietly sat down on the tonirue to &SI1 await developments, -'while two street S?J car drivers behind the wagon wore ^'fijf\ blowing their whistles for it to «-<;t out ift&i of the way. ° ;5$$)j Instead of freehis: the horse the man tgll continued to lash him, causing him to $M be further entangled and to lay down PH under the other horse, the two being• »|${ an almost inextricable mass. JIM Some of Ihe passengers on the street fff$ cars were swearing iu seven different 5-y$ languages, while the two drivers watch- p$ ing the fallen horse and a crowd of by- ?"$$ slanders were betting he'd kick a hole ; |l|| m Ihe sky before lie weul to work again. It took ten minutes to iret that horse untangled, and live more to harness him up again, and then it took the street car drivers five minutes to get mules waked up M3v*T yr$l •Mi their When a man tells you that he is perfectly contented he moans, in nine cases out of ten, that after thinking the matter nil over he does not sou how luol ' e — The cashier said recently I'lfti liiHwonn DoukH. To«;iy w| mt goe. s on betwei of * arid nutiirc.s flown to the «C;L in dances, and ho who h ready to pat ft, still, to j.bty" the banj nonid i,,,.,, <,,'„(/ ;ui( j 8j n',! love for H ;iwe for him 'R"' U ftil i" ! . ty "" *''." >,. t ,x\ nion -dec 'Jisp who g< H. Home u findu a in ate him, or, bette or accordion ^iiig is alwavi of a down-town bank , , , .-.-• lllllt ' when the uublic learned which «.,itl of the (; i, (i , : f : they should sign their names on it would be a great and glorious day for the e-rn- ployes of the banks iii New York. "When the public has been i (IM ,,|,t, this ittle detail," tho cashier sai<l,"'il would bn well to give the banks a lesson in printing their checks. The latest fashion in cheeks is by far tho most convenient one. All of the inform; lion on tlm check which is of value t the banker is placed on one end. the right hand dale, the Mrs. Kalmuck (on a visit to New r. 0 , \7"'.' How W!ls lll ° 1'ln.V to-night?" ^ol. Kamttick—"Fine theater, vory line; fus' rate actors, too, and o-oo'd play. Bin the whisky was vile " N Y. Weekly. Hijrh.Mindod Father— "My son choose a profession that will brin<r you f«iup, and after that wealth will come." Dutiful Son—"Very well, father, I'll tx'.ermie a professional base ball player, -—(jf/rjii Ni'wu. Citller-- ••Please, sir, tlm master, Beacon Skmllint, died last night and thu IUIHHUS wants to know if you will preside at il,' funeral?" Long-Suller- ing Pastor- -Yes, certainly. pleasure."— Good News. A upper corner is th Under this is the name to whoi , ami a rever- <«4ii bring , tt to C«ew-lfe:,r'*^y an /| her at the front door, v, m "o bead me off." --ft. y. it, u; . cheek m drawn. Beneath thi again is tho amount of the chock i Jigures, and right below that tho si nature of tho man who draws it. Th other end of tho chock is filled in will the name of the bank, and so on. Tho iWvantagesof this form of chock are I', that the amount, signer, and drawee can bo seen at a glance; second, it (.he- check is bound UD with doz- «ns oi other checks and bills it is not necessary to pull il out from tho bundle to get information about it A cashier can take up a package of such thumb over tho ends and set hem aside in loss timo than it would take to go over two or three chocks of inn older form. Nearly all of tho larger banking-houses and bj'.r corpor- will' 1 <n'!'niu. l! || l( ' J) - C)(l l '-' iS Cl " !0k ' " ll(i !t the Hinuller concerns.— N"Y?b'un! " l ° {"" Muokay'H Now Homo. Word cumes from across tho water Maekay'snewhonioInS' «u will |,» t/lo „,"', i London when •« « W e* a superb " with M — '' Dl(1 J' 011 ll()l I'oar what I snicl. Miss Mabel P I said that I loved you; loved you with all my soul, mv mind, mv every thought." Miss Mabel ' » I ,' JUOW 5^ but ll "i ,"— Boston Courier. seems so "It's very queer, isn't it, John, that they can't laid tho north polo?" "Yes " ho replied; "btd, if they over do I'll bet tho telegraph companies Ml have wires 'in to V, pd «!" » vor ^ in less than uo \-\mo."—Washington Post; Gen. Killom (regular army)-"Whafs become of all those hostile Judia is hor 0 p» or Sf , OX| r 1011 to ,r ko aa > ut "<* neioi' Mr. btarvom (Indian A"ouO I—gavo 'iuu something to eat 3 and they went ofr."-JV. J. Weekly Your omelet would be a perfect "em, my dear Klhul, but for one '""if." "What is that?" -You hi Twenty minutes lost and no telliug how many men waiting for the .street cars lost their religion all ou account ot the driver of one wagon o- e ttiti°- rut- tied at the antics of a Texas pony! _ A good motto to paste in your hat is: "Keep cool, mv "son, and never let yourself get rattled." The Ostrich ns a AValtzer. In Africa men enter tho inclosuros and run down the birds which are ready to be plucked, which is uot only an arduous task, but attetided with great danger, for one stroke from an ostrich's wing will fell a man, and the kick sometimes results fatally. In this country, however, writes Mrs. S. B. Blrtckburu iu the Olobe-Dcmocnil. tlie bird to be robbed of his gay feathers is coaxed intq,a small inclosure. Once in the pen, a "stocking" is placed over us head, and he becomes comparatively tractable. The young birds which are much more docile, are caught iu a their paddock while eating.a.ul plucked P in tho same way. The keepers insist || that it does uot hurt tho birds to take the leathers, but they make a distressing fuss about it notwithstanding. When 1 asked if tho feathers would uSt fall out naturally, I was told that they would, but that tho feathers shed possessed no life, and would not do for commoreo. 'Twice a year, usually, the birds are plucked, though some 'keep- ors doom once in eight months botlek , Iho ostriches have their seasons of guioty. One of their modes of amuse-V • iiient is what one keeper stvlod "waltz- pMft jng. \ An old bird leads off by raislna- his wings and beginning to whirl <4he sumo tune moving around his pen -taking his stops with some degree of reiru- nriiy. Soon another follows, and'ia'a ew seconds mauy or all the birds iu the inolosure are iu motion. They »re not.ndilloront to time, and just before plucking thu picture of thirty-' birds waltzing is a beautiful si<r|, t . **• If the ostrich liyos to "the .Advanced age generally supposed 'the baby oslnches which I saw wili^oon S leathers worth $.175 Io $200 fin tho other oggs, which are es- entially modern."-.M Y. Herald. I hoar tho plumber is eii^-ed tn 'our housemaid." "Yes. ™ " on't they got married? 1 '' •' ichtuoiigli yet. She iy omploy Ion is not hasn't been in enough to stuff to vuler pipes more thau°>uco."_!fc> 0 i 0 SI'o-'.luk of it! A Boslou girl essay on Bisuuirokl Did '•id ng an from, the same ostrich fain plucked from .the sumo ostrich I y ° ir i.etuy an «»i«>« «'/ bnugin {>ur iuulclilu« v brae uud he over from j ot art brio-it- t" P'U into X, Time* I,,,,, a „„„> of blood and beate I , ....„ ils first bite of . in a box of.Biiuil under the semN tl- °P'o BUjLQfSojulioru California "Spoony." Collections of spoons are a receut fad. Tho point is to got as many as you can williout having any two from tho sumo. city. If you can iiud some quuml.nml curious pattern, characteristic of the place in il is bought, so much ihe bettor; bin if not, any ordinary spoou will do. Whoa you'have enough of one set begin on another, until you emu furnish your table entire- with odd spootis. Tliuy are not oulj" ? delightful souvenirs but they furnish » starting point for many a languishing ,

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