The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on December 16, 1891 · Page 19
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 19

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Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, December 16, 1891
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Page 19
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ONLY ,00 per Year To Any Airess in the Connly. WE WANTED MORE ROOM for our mammoth stock, so have moved our 5,10, and 25 cent [Counters In the Basement, where will be found a large assortment of Such as Toys, Dolls, Games, Chinamen, Tinware, etc., and at prices that will surprise you. T PATHBATTU 8 Pfl , L, liAJjDMiin a uu, FARM LOANS. Having secured the agency of the V New England Loan and Trust Company! I am now prepared to make farm loans on five to ten years' time at the lowest possible rate, with privilege of partial payments before due. Office over Chrischilles' store, Algona. S. S. SESSIONS. 4 Cloths and Trimmings. J. K. PILL & SON, Merchant Tailors A full stock of cloths and trimmings always kept on hand, and furnished at as low rates as can be bought elsewhere. All work done promptly, WE GUARANTEE SATISFACTION. Come and see us before placing your order. It will be to your advantage. T. s:. :FIXJ:IJ soasr. A Good Cigar Is what you can always find at the New Cigar Store on State street, (old postofflco building). I handle the celebrated Fltzsim- mons goods, made at Mason City, and there are none better made. Try the White Ribbon. Smokers say it is very nice. Also handle tobaccos, pipes, and all kinds of smokers' goods. GUST. A. HANSON. -ilarf^* 1 DO YOU WANT AN AUCTIONEER? AUCTIONEER, Will crv city and (arm property, make collections, etc. All business of a private . nature strictly confidential. Office with F. M. Taylor, over Howard's. F, M, BRONSON, Watches and Jewelry, CLOCKS, SILVERWARE, Silver-plated ware, and all kinds of goods in his line. Repairing promptly done. At Frank Bros.' store. H. A. SESSIONS, DEALER IN Granite or Marble, ALGONA, IOWA. Satisfaction guaranteed in all cases. F. L. PARISH'S Hardware and Tin Shop, Special attention given to all kinds of repairing, including Guns, Pumps, and Gasoline Stoves, Glot3a.ee TKTdaa.g'exBi, etc. Am also prepared to put in furnaces and do plumbing and gas-pipe fitting; ' AND IRON AND TIN ROOFING. Prompt attention will be given to all work in my line. Shop south of court house. Dealer in all kinds of Furniture, PintiP Frames, Looking glasses, chromes, and all kinds of ready-made coffins. Hearse for public use. Headquarters for the best SEWING MACHINES AND ORGANS. All YOU . £** •;:.» \(\ Tii2i UlKfc It. U»*iii MMAfl ••*• th* bootor Dlft»n<n«a • OBI* and I ,-| . tit* '•-'> fl'i'iootorl !Utf a the same person," remarked the phll- otophlcal trainer, tiffiouiariy, "but they seldom are. If you whine — ai th* dogs do when their foot hurt after a hunt — or if you limp or complain, a doctor guesses what is the matter with you. Then he guesses . what will cure you. If both guesses are right, you are in luck and he i* a skillful doctor. In nine coses out of ten he is giving 1 you something 1 harmless, whlld he is taking: u second and third look at you (at your expense, of course) to guess over after himself. " His medical pessimism and his surgical optimism amused and entertained mo, guys a writer in Harper's Mttgn- zine, and I encouraged him to go on. "Now. with •> surpeon it is different. Surgery is an exact science. Before I took this position I was a surgeon's assistant in a hospital. In some places we are called trained nurses. In our place we were called surgeon's assistants. That's why I make such a distinction between doctors and surgeons. I've seen the two work side by side so long. I've seen some of the funniest mistakes made, and I've soon mistakes that were not funny. I've' seen postmortem examinations that would have made a surgeon ashamed that he had ever been born, looked upon by the doctor who treated the case as not at all strange; didn't stagger him a bit in his own opinion of himself and his scientific knowledge next time. I remember one case. It was a Japanese boy. He was as solid as a little ox, but ho told Dr. G - that he'd been taking a homeopathic prescription for a cold. That was enough for Dr. G - . A red rag In tho van of a bovine animal Is nothing to the word -homoepathlo' to Dr. G - . Hydropathy gives him fits, and olectlcism .almost lays him out. Not long ago he sat on a jury. which sent a man, to. prison who had failed in a case of 'mind cure. 1 That gave deep delight to his 'regular' soul Well. Dr. G - questioned the little Jap, who could not speak good English, and had the national inclination to agree with whatever you say. Ever been to Japan P No? Well, they are a droll lot. Always strive to agree with all you say or suggest. "•Did you ever spit blood?' asked Dr. G.' - > by-and-by, after he could find nothing else wrong except the little cold for which the homeopathic physician was treating tho boy. "•Once, 1 replied that youthful victim. '"Aha! 'we are getting at the of this matter now,' said Dr. G•Now tell me truly. Be careful! you spit much blood?' • • -Yes, sir; a good deal. ' "The doctor sniffed. Ho always knew that a homospathlo humbug could noc diagnose a case, and would be likely to get just about as near the facts as a light cold would come to tuberculosis. " -How long did this la«t?' he inquired of the smiling 1 boy. . " -I think — It seem to mo — ' " 'A half hour?" queried the doctor; •twenty minutes?' •• i think so. Yos, sir. About half an hour — twenty minutes, ' responded the obliging youth. "I hoard that talk. Common-sense told me the boy's lungs were all right; but it was nono of my business, and' BO I watched him treated, off and on, for lung trouble for over a month bo- fore I got a chance to ask him any questions. Then I- asked, incidentally: " 'What made you spit that blood that time, GihlP' " 'I didn't know I ought to swallow him, " he replied, wild-eyed and anxious. 'Dentist pull tooth. He say to me, "Spit blood here." I do like he t«ll me. Your doctor say ver' bad for lungs, spit blood. Next time I swallow him.) . "I helped another practitioner, in good and regular standing, to examine a man's heart. He found a pretty bad wheeze in the left side. I had to nurse that man. He had been on a bat, and all on earth that ailed him was that spree, but he got treated for heart trouble. It soared the man almost to death. " I'd learned how a heart should sound, so one day I tried his. He was la hod then, and it sounded all right, so when the doctor came in, I took him aside, and told him that I didn't want to interfere, but that man was soared about to death over his heart, and it seemed to me It was all right — sounded like other hearts — and his pill Be was all right too. The doctor was mad as a March hare, though he had told me to make two or three testa, and keep the record for him against the time of hie next visit Well, to make a long story short, the final discovery was — the man don't know It yet, and he is going around in dread of dropping off at any minute with heart failure — that at the first examination the man had removed only his coat and vest, and his new suspender on his starched shirt had made the squeak. That to a cold fao^ and the man paid over eighty dollars lor the treatment he had for bis heart" root Did Not for n Public Occnclou. This amusing story Is being related of Commodore Vedder: While a young man, teaching school, he had occasion to punish a mischievous girl, and, as usual in that day and locality, was »bout to resort to the ferrula To tho offending maid he said: "Miss , give ma your hood." She dropped •her head and blushed. Again he said, ijternly: "Miss -—, .J say, give me your hand." Slowly lifting her eyes, the remarked: "Mr. Vedder, this Is embarrassing fop me.' You should not mak;e such proposals in public. , Howler, you must wk my papa, first" -Hdars! OIESC .A.O? J. R. LAIRD'S FURNITURE EMPORI Where yon will find that which will make your wives, children, mothers, fathers, and sweethearts smile if she or he gets one for a Christmas present. One of Those Fine Rockers, A Chair, Parlor Suit, Suit, Matress, Springs Room Cupboard, Book Case, Secretary, etc., Folding Beds, Center Tables- all o± which are useful as well as ornamental. And don't forget one of those CARPET SWEEPERS, which will make the good wife smile for a whole year and will save the price of the sweeper in six months. All these things and a thousand others can be found now in stock at the Furniture Store of Algona, Towa, and are being sold at ROCK BOTTOM PRICES. WE GIVE NO WHOOPS nor But always give our customers the benefit of every BREAK I We have a few more FUR COATS At Out Prices. AND UP, JOHN REED. GILMORE'S GROCERY Is the place to buy your Chamber Sets and Water Sets, Sleepy Eye Flour, Apples, Pure Vermont Maple Syrup Algona. E. J. G-ILMORE. STOVES! STOVES I HANDLE I II1WA Also the famous BUCK'S BRILLIANT." ALL STOVES WARRANTED, Job work a specialty. J, F,

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