The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on July 13, 1892 · Page 6
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 6

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Wednesday, July 13, 1892
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•' '"*> f' r ?;;-''^ ~ / v ' ' \ ^1 MOtNES. ALGQNA. IOWA. WEDNESDAY. JtJLY 13.1892. MAY'S MISTAKE. Mfty Hartley was not what many peoplft -wwild call _a pretty girl, Imf. there wns Bome'thing in her manner that seemed to attract all who happened to come in contact with her. She was remarkably amiable for one thinff—a quality worth far more in wise people's eyes than all the facial benuty in the world; and with this amiability of character there were combined a thoughtfulness and tcndemess of heart that one rai-f-ly meets with nowadays. Sho was utterly free from selfishness, and ever willing- to sacrifice herself for the comfort and well-being of her fellow-creatures. She was an only daughter, and veiy na- ttlrally the idol of her jiarents. Her father was a well-to-do solicitor in the thriving little market-town of Dash- foul, and unlike most moil who follow the legal profession was spoken well fit by all classes nnd communities of people. One scarcely nyer heard a really detrimental observation made against Lawyer Hartley. Mrs. Hartley, his robust and good-na- tim-d wife, wns nlfn much i-krd by the inhabitants of U-ishford. With those who moved in the br-st .-otiiely of the place she tv-jifi a decided favorite, and amongst the less exalted classes no matron could have be.pn better liked. ^Bhe went amongst the poor a great deal, Visiting them both in sickness and in health, and especially when tho ills to Which flesh is heir brought sorrow and tribulation to the homes of .the needy. Having thus briefly described the kind of parents with which May Hartley was blest—and she was indeed blnst In her parents—it is time to enter upon the story ' thai in to bu told. May was standing in the twilight of n lovely summer evening at the gai-den-giite of her pleasant home, which" abutted on tho main rood loading out of Dashford— Bho was alone. There seemed to be a sail expression upon her sweet eyes, as she stood in solitude, ever and anon glancing up tho dusty road that wound its way countrywisc. The sound of horse's hoofs coining along at a rapid pace broke the .stillness of the Bummer evening. In a moment the expression on May Hartley's face changed, tho-color mounted to her cheeks, and her breath came quickly. In less time than'it takes to write it tho equestrian, whose approach had so much diiiurbed her, had reached the gate, hail dismounted, and had shaken bauds with her. Ho was a very handsome fellow; tall, erect, with dark curly hair and deep blue eyes. His age could not be more than eight-and-twenty. Thin comely personage was none other than young Dr. Evelyn. For two years be had boon in practice in Dashford, and during that time hnd won golden opinions for his medical skill and kindness, and. more than this, had fallen over head and cars in love with May Hartley. Yes, had he only revealed the burning secret of his heart when first love entered therein, May Hartley would have been a girl without a sorrow months ago. Bho loved Dr. Evelyn with all the ear- neatness of which her true earnest nature was capable; and hc loved her also, but he bad not spoken. No, ho had held his peace, hard though he had often found it to_do so. He had held lii« peace, determined to gain a perfect and thorough experience of May's character, to await some sign, however small, of reciprocity of feeling on her part; and also to make certain of his own mind. Wise fellow! It would bo well if every- "'ttMr would bide his or her time, ere plung- jjngjin|o that irrevocable flood of promises i'whieh'le.ads on to matrimony. " : XWVveU,-<the hero of our story by this time thought that he had taken sufficient pro- cautions in every way. He knew his own mind beyond the possibility of doubt; ho al.-o believed he know May Hartley's mind. Why remain silent any longer? Hero was presented an excellent opportunity of popping the all-important question. So, taking that advantage of tho opportunity, ho asked May then and there to be his wife. Why enter into details as to the exact words in which ho expressed himself, and tl:<? «xact manner in which she responded "to his affectionate overture? Ah, what a pleasant ridn homo that was to him. Who can describe the sense of •rupture that filled hia manly bosom? The path of true love now seemed as ismooth to him as the polished surface ofa mirror. On the following morning ho called upon Lawyer Hartley, and informed him of what bad transpired on the previous evening, Of course ho had no reason to anticipate parental objection, though he could not but rocognixo tho possibility of pom" such unpleasantness. Therefore, when the interview was over, and both Papa and Mamma Hartley had conducted themselves in tho mo.it agreeable and parental manner, he quitted their presence as happy as a king. For one thing, however, Mrs. Hartley had held out firmly, and that was that tho marriage should not bo isoloinni/.ed until the expiration of at least six months. It was not, certainly, an unnatural re- anest for a mother to make who really loved her child, and who bad no desire to follow the fashion of tho day in getting her children married and done for with all possible despatch. The young doctor did not offer any objections, though had he been Kelli.sh enough to have oxp'-i'ssed. his own inclination on the subject, he would have Mig- gfiolod leading Jlhiy to tho hymeneal allar within a month of the hour when be proposed to h r. Amongst Dr. Evelyn's patients th'TC was one (,'olonol Forrest or, a nian ofcoii- iderablo means, who resided in a fine; dr) ftishioned house 5ri the outskirts of Dashford. Ho was blessed with many olive branches, and amongst them two remarkably attractive, daughter*. The young doctor was frequently at tho colonel's house, not only in the capacity of a medical adviser (Mrs. Forrester was an Invalid, and needed very constant attention) but as a friend. When Herbert Spencer, Dr. Evelyn's cousin, came to stay with him, which ho did three weeks after our hero had popped the question to May Hartley, hc, tho doctor, speedily introduced him to the For- resters, where the joung follow spent considerable of his time. About this period Dr. Evelyn grow remarkable, busy, and the consequence was that May did not see as niuuh of him as usual. Mrs. Forrester, too, was in constant need, or, at any rate, :.<he poor thing, believed BO, of her medical man's presence. This being tho case, Dr. Evelyn was mor« frequently a visitor at tho colonel's house than ever. Wrt all know from experience—or, at any rate, tho majority of us do—that *»\Vhfsparing tongues will poison truth." Poor May Hartley waa naturally of a trustful disposition. Sho never thought ill of anv one until sho had bv oxuerience proved his or her A'lonirft her female friyti'dn was oneC.ir- oliir- Crosfl, the banker'.", dausrhtor. This treacherous yonrin-feniTlojihvavs professed the Ptron-ro.Vt affection for May. ami Mny believed in the since riiy ot'iier professions. iS'ow Caroline Cross flattered herself that May confided in her as much ns and more than she confided in anybody; but she drew the line of confidence somewhere. For 5n;-!anee, she had never confided the secret of hi,-r love for Dr. Evelyn to a living soul. The consequence was that when her engagement to that gentleman became known it proved as great a matter of'sur- prise to Caroline Cross as to the rest of the people. To a woman of Mrs. Cross's temperament this proved a sting that created within her breast a sense of revengefulness. A good many of her acquaintances made the remark to her: "How is it that yon did not know anything of this? We all thought you were May Hartley's confidante in everything." Very galling were remarks of this kind; but beyond all this there was a sting that wont far deeper. Caroline Cross had set her heart imon herself becriminsr Dr. Evelyn's bride! Yes. that had been the most ardent wish in her mind. If she were capable of love at all, she felt that grand passion for the voumr doctor. But in the announcement of hip cmra-o- ment to May Ihirtley the most cherished hope of her existence was for ever blighted. For ever blighted? Ah, that was the question! Must.it be for ever? Was she to lose the day without a struggle? Never. Even if sho could not win him hcr.-Hf. she was resolved that May Hartley sh not reach tho consummation of her uinph. She met May with a smile and an outstretched bund, ay, with a Judas kiss, nnd congratulated her upon her enu-au-emt-nt. Miss Cr<v.-t was a very constant vi.-..or at Colonel Forrester's, and si,v ion].; advantage of her intimacy in that quarter to lay tho foundation' of her scheme against poor May's peace. It has been already .stated that wn-;o Dr. Evelyn's cousin had paid him n vi.-it. he hnd be"n extra, busy, and much inore at Colonel. Forrester's than iiMial. Caroline Cross also, at that tim<?. was a frequent visitor at-tho same hospitable abode. May Hartley seldom went'out.— •Since her engagement, she had In.-™, if possible, more of a stay-at-home than ever, liiit Caroline often called upon her, ami gave her all the news. Gradually, with lago-like skill, .she poured into poor May's ear:-: the p-ii. DIK.IIS .scandal that sho trusted would separate her from her allianwdjlinsband. She intimated that the young doctor and bis cousin. Herbert Spencer. W-rf always about with Alice and ('oiK-fane*'; that indeed there were few evenings on which they mjirht not be setm hi the neighborhood o'f the Colonel's house, wau'doring amongst the secluded paths, tho favorite spots for happy lovers' converse. It ti'ok a coniideraii!:' lime, and infinite WJSiiCd to bun to tell Dr. Evelyn sho him. ••I must ask his forgiveness before hf goes awny." she soblwd to herself. The young doctor came—very stiff, x-erj co:d. and very stern; but ere lie had beec a quarter of an hour in May's presence she had asked hi?-, pardon for'her mistake and ho had (.'ranted it freely. Nor was this all, f. :• ore lie bid her good ni:;lit he had promised not to leave Dashford n'•;<?]• all: mid she had once agair voivil lobe hi:' wife. ' ' f n a f:-w months from that momnralik rvfiimg Ih-'i-c was a double wcdj'un-x ir i'.w fi-i" old church at Da*hfonl, nor do 1 '•:ink I ne-.d namfj the happy couples whc •Y..IV them united. TREASURES IN TREES. Toads Bntn, Human Skeletons, And Other Qneer Things arc Found. LEARNING A FOREIGN Monkey of One Tribe Acquires of Another. TONtJUE. the In some strangely shaped fossil trees accidentally dug out of astone qunrry were fotind treasured up the petriii-.'.i- looking bodies of reptiles, bir-l*. bat.-, and such small deer — which bus thus been honored sive mans;';,:;: j.-rescrvalion in mas- ' m Id tri- on faith and (.•stubli- part, to " ! i >-.;•:•. i.l • lev lover in her ever-trustful and :- •/.'. !.e:\it. .'.' .••:- ; t, '.' •••"••"••. f.-b« so far mrcr;i?odod .-• . : l:.ilu: h ;.':vy to s'.-e for herself, and finally sho managed to lend the poor p-b) to n spot where she beheld t!;f yo'.ii,;.- l.W.nr and Alice Forrester, seated' iiloiir- in the moj-'t earnc.st eonvcr; :tit ••.,;;. More than thi:-. she saw her lover (•!a.-:.'ii;r 1hu : "'ither woman's h:md in :i r.mnner',su;.";res- live of passionate entreaty. This, and tho reports that Caroline Cross did not fail eventually to brin;* her, convinced her as to thn periidv of hoi lover. When next he called, nho broke off hci en^a^emcnt. Yes, she cast to the winds the man whom she loved with ail hei strength. Her coldness, her refusal to give lira: any explanation beyond the very indefinite one tlitii sho deemed it better for a!.' parties, and her immovable determinatior in spite of his ardent entreaties, thoroughly iievplexed and overwhelmed him. She distinctly declined to give him any more explicit reason, and dismissed hiii with a frigidity of manner that he deemot. impossible to her, whose nature he fancied he knew so well. When it came to this, his own pride was touched, and though it should break bi heart to lo.se her, he wiis determined t< be^ and entreat no more. So fur Caroline Cross bad succeeded, ant the lovers were separated. Two months passed by, and the br::ac! that had taken place between May anr' the doctor remained us wide :ui ever.' 1 lei piip'i'uts secretly grieved river it, for tlioy had been really fond of the young- doctor; but May offered no explanation'to them of the course she had adopted, beyond the same indefinite one, that she deemed it wiser for .-ill parties. And what in reality did Dr. Evelyn's behavior in the matter of Alice Forrestej mean? How was it ho had been found in a shady lovers' retreat, seated by her with her hand clasped in his, and evincing si^'us of pis.sionate entreaty'( Well, the facts of tho case arc easily and simiily explained. His cousin, Herbert Spencer, had fallen deeply in love with Alice Forrester; but she had apparently rather snubbed him than otherwise. This had rendered poor Herbert more, desperately in love than ever. Young- ladies, remember that a little cold water in the form of indifference, thrown upon the ardent pursuer of your heart and hand, oftentimes materially helps to increase the lire of his adoration. Bui do not carry it too far, or you may dc irreparable mischief. Now the good-hearted young-doctor felt great interest in his cousin's love-affair, and determined, if possible to brin}»- mutters to u happy issue 1 . Alice Forrester was somewhat of a flirt, b,.i for all that she was a g-ood and noble- luiarted girl at heart, and the doctor felt convinced in bis own mind that beneath that assumption of indifference sho really entertained a warm alfoction for Herbert Spencer. Determined, then.thnt his cousin should not be misled by the harmless caprice ol the girl he loved, ho went in hummer anil tongs, as the old saying is, to brhitf thc- lovurs to a clear and proper understand- i»K- And so it had come to pass on this very evening 1 , when ho WUH making- an earnest appeal to Alice on Herbert's behalf Caroline Cross had contrived to make poor Maj tin observer of the scene. t But now the truth was to bo disclosed Tho eug'ag-emeiil between Alice and Herbert was made known. At the same time, also, tho news Hew round that Dr. Kvelyi: was about to sell his practice and gc abroad Tim announcement of the engagement aroused poor Way's suspicions as to the truth of all'airs. Then young- Spencer called, and in the cour.-.o of conversation spoke enthusiastically of his cousin's endeavors on his bo- half, and l).(iw he hud pleaded for him.— When Herbert Spencer rose to go, May volunteered to see him to tho garden"•»*» mid tliorc. in the twilurht. she asked In the room where the monkeys are kept by a dealer in Washington there is a c-.ige containing a young white-face cebus of more than' averao-e intelligence, writes Professor Garner in the Fontm. On the same shelf and in an adjacent cage is the little capuchin Puck. They can easily see and hear each other through the open partition which separates them, there being no other obstruction. I have visited Puck for many weeks almost daily and always supply him with food after requiring him to ask me for it in his own language. Having but little interest in the white-face, who is very shy of me, I rarely showed him the slightest attention until within the past few weeks, when I observed him trying to utter the capuchin sound for food which always secured for Puck a banana or some nuts. Seeing that Puck- was always rewarded for uttering this sound,_the little white-face commenced to try it, and as soon as I discovered his purpose 1 began to reward him in the same way, and have thus seen one step taken' by a monkey in the mastery of another tongue. At first his effort was quite poor and I could not at once decide what he meant, but practice has developed in him great proficiency, and now he speaks it'almost as plainly ns the capuchin himself. This was doubly interesting to me in view of the fact that I had long .believed that no monkey ever acquired the sounds of another species. I frankly admit that this one instance is alone sufficient to cause me to recede from a conclusion rendered untenable by such certain proof, the cogency of which is emphasized by the short tuno in which it has been accomplished, but I still regard it as a rule that monkeys do not do so. What "Women Read. "I hare only recently discovered the great value of particular lines of newspaper advertising," said E. J. Earnest, of San Francisco to a Globe-Democrat man. "I have often wondered why big firms, with reputations well established, spent such vast sums of money every year in advertising their wares. I know that the majority of men consider an advertisement in a newspaper a positive nuisance, and something that they read only after they have devoured all the other contents of a paper. But it has been my good fortune during my week's stay at this hotel to be seated at table with three or four bright women. Every one of them comes down to breakfast with a newspaper in her hands. And what do you suppose she reads first? Why, the advertisements of the big dry goods houses, of course. Sho dwells and comments on every item of the advertisement with the' serious interest that I devote to the. market reports. She even goes further than I do—she copies the names anil prices of the articles described. After finishing with the dry goods houses she hunts up the millinery advertisements and goes through the same process as before described. In fact, she literally reads every advertisement in the paper, including 'wants,' 'rooms for rent,' medicines,"etc., and then, if she isn't by this time suffering from brain fag, she will run her eyes over the news columns. Divorce suits and other salacious scandals usually absorb her interest, to the neglect of other news in the paper. But "she will even forego the pleasure derived from reading those rather than fail to read the advertisements." Tr-emens in Tea. In the interior of Australia all the men drink tea. They drink it all day long and in quantities and at a strength that would seem to be poisonous. '(Dn Sunday morning the teamaker starts with a clean pot and a clean record. The pot is hung over the lire with a Wli.-M "-i;::'v;- r>-»"n the Irimkofan elm. :\ live i.iad >vas f.-'ur.d Ivili;: •-•(«!CC:!V-' :;'i:!it jiife;. {;.<•! from 't!:i> root. It skip^od away vcrv alert'v. yet. we are tnld, no t.rx-u was more sound, nor could any aperture be discovered through v. !.!?;> ;:>.o little captive could have penetrated. It is supposed the sr">v.-ii f-oni whk-li.it originated must havii .L.:uidi!iitly been treasured up in the trot' from the first moment of its n. i.\ like manner, while some men wc:-o «r|U!ir'mg;,:the trunk of an oak they I'.ad. just'j felled, they suddenly stai-ii-il IJ.-U-K ii\\ astonishment on seeing a hv!c'<,::.< 'toad, "about the size of a largo pullet's egg, encrusted in the tree, four inclrs fV~--! thn ha'•],-. and fifteen feet from the rout. Though mangled by the ax, tho creature still moved, but it appeared old, thin, and decrepiti As in other cases, a careful examination revealed no entrance to its prison house. Similarly, no opening could be discovered through which an enormous beetle came to be inclosed in a solid log of wood, which was discovered in a ship's hold in Portsmouth. Some extraordinary finds have at times'been made within the trunks of trees. A woodman, for instance,when engaged in splitting timber for rail posts, in a wood in Scotland, discovered in the center ofa large wild cherry tree a living bat of a bright scarlet color, which he foolishly allowed to escape, from superstitious fears that it was a "being not of this world." The tree showed a small cavity in the center, where the bat was inclosed, but it was _ perfectly sound and solid on each side. A natural curiosity turned up in a somewhat similar manner. This was the nest and skeleton of a bird, embedded in a piece of beechwood which seemed to be quite sound all around the eavity, but the timber being sawn up, the nest, with the bony framework of the bird sitting upon it, was found. The nest was partly built of mud, in a hollow probably formed through the lopping off of a branch, tho outside of which became afterward grown over, though it is difficult to imagine how a bird could thus become imprisoned. In tho recesses of an old tree somebody came across the apparently mummified body of a large gray cat. It appeared to have been quite "flattened by some untoward accident, for, seemingly, in its dying agonies, the poor animal had driven its powerful eyeteeth quite through a thick and solid branch of wood. At the felling of an-ancient hollow oak in a German forest, says Tid-Bils, when the tree crashed to the ground it disclosed a human skeleton in excellent preservation. From his Ion reboots, powder-flask and other articles found, ho appeared to have been a hunter, and it was concluded that the unfortunate man, in climbin«- the tree in pursuit of some wounded bird or animal, hnd slipped into the hollow trunk, bad been unable to extricate himself, and so had perished miserably of starvation in his ready-prepared oak coilin. WIT AKD "Ocean greyhounds" get that name because they are not tarryers.— Philadelphia Times. She—"Don't you think woman can do a great deal to elevate the stage?" Ho—"l"cs. She can lower her hat."— .Life. Trivvet—"Isn't Mrs.Chinnor a hand- nojni! woman:"' Dices—"Yes, but sho isn't as handsome as she is painted." —Jmti/c. If some people had the faith to move mountains they would soon make all their neighbors' land very hilly.— Ham's Horn. "Is Mine. Squallini a really first-class singer?" "I think not. I never saw her name among the soap testimonials."— Funny Folk's. The coals of fire which you are to heap on your enemy's head are not anthracite—it is too high-priced.— Texas Kifling*. • Sunday-School Teacher — ''What is the conscience?" Bright, Boy—"It's wnf- makes you sorry w'en you get found out."— Good News. Practice makes perfect. You can see lawyers and doctors walking on their uppers for want of practice.— Binghamlon Republican. Smythe — "I've got your monthly psalmody." Mrs.Smylhc—"Ourwhat?" Smythe—"Our long meter from the gas company."— N. Y. Herald. Mabel—"Young Mr. Goslin contradicted me yesterday evening." Amy —That is what you might call a 'flat' contradiction."— Detroit Free Press. A woman never loses the interest in the other woman whom her husband may have thought of marrying when she was a girl.— Somcrvillc Journal. It is to be feared that there are men who owe careers of integrity to the fact that honesty has a reputation for being good policy.— Washington Star. Daughter "Father, I have had an offer of marriage." Parent (who has had experience with the nobility)— "How much does ho want?"— Washington Star. Mike —"Thoy say, Pat, that the toime will come whin all tho coal will be used up. What will they do fur liriu' thin?" Pat—"Burn coke, yer too\l"—Tit-J3ils. Young Authoress(reading MS. aloud) —"But perhaps I weary you?" En- Lady FriHU.l — "So you arn » graduate next month, Maul? 0 "* met WhBtatimoofityoii' I suppose you are nearly Maml-'U dear no! m dressmaker, and she does ing. All I have to d knoxV."-.B(wtow thusiastic Friend hear the end of Field's Washington. -"O, no; I long to your story."— Kate sufficiency of water in it for the day's brow and when this has boiled 'he pours into it enough of the fragrant herb to produce a deep coffee-colored liquid. On Monday, without removing yesterday's tea leaves, ho repeats tho pro- The Legend of Standing Hook. While on the trip through North Dakota, on which he got the piece of the cabin, Inspector Walking was told by the Indian agent at Standing Rock Agency the legend of the stone from which the place gets its name. Years ago, according to the Indian tradition, a buck and his squaw were on a journey down the Missouri River to visit some relatives at a distant point. Where Fort Yates now is the buck saw a young squaw of surprising beauty, with whom he fell desperately in love. In spite of the tears and entreaties of his lawful wife he refused to proceed on the journey or in anv other right sion. direction, but resolved to stay there with his new-found pas- Tho deserted squaw exhausted cess. On Tuesday repea da capo pro- and on Wednesday da capo.and so on through tho week. Toward tho close of it the great pot is filled with an acrid mash of tea leaves, out of which the liquid is squeezed by the pressure of a tin cup, says the New Orleans Picayune. By this time the tea is of the color of rusty iron, incredibly bitter and disagreeable to the uneducated palate. Tho native calls it "real good old post and rails" (tho simile being obviously drawn from a stiff and dangerous jump), and regards it as having been brought to the very pitch of perfection. Doctors toll of cases resulting from this abuse which closely border? in their manifestations, on tho signs of the delirium tremens. her entreaties and her tears, ana finally arose to leave the place alone As she did so she fell back in the spo whore sho had been sitting and turnoc to stone. There she has remainec ever F,ince, a standing reproach to her faithless lord and master and to all his kind. By a faint stretch of tho imagination tho standing rock from which tho ngencj- gets its name can be made to take on the outlines of woman. Tho Indians believe the story and pay_homage to the monumentof man's perfidy and fickleness and woman's constancy. While the inspector was at Fort Yates he saw an Indian approach the rock, bow reverently, and lay something at its base. When tho Indian had gone the inspector and the agent went out to see what the offering •was. It was a chow of tobacco, no heavy sacrifice, it may be said; but perhaps it was the last the Indian had. — Helena Independent. An Incredulous Professor. Tom versity Cobwigger— "I notice he hasn't gone fishing since his marriage." Brown— "That is because his wife is a member of the W. C. T. U. and made him sii'ii the pledge."— N. I'.Siui. "The ' trouble with Spongley is he never pays anything," said Grabbles. "0, doesn't ho, though! Ask him to pay you a visit and see," retorted Hicks.— Harper's Iluzar. A summer school for female students is to bo established in tho Jiiffel Tower. This should interest persons who believe in the higher education of women. — Philadelphia Ledger. Mrs, Cumso— "How much money shall you spend on your shopping tour tomorrow?" Mrs. Jack Potts— "'That all depends, dear; this is husband's night at the club."— A 7 . Y. Herald. First Physician— "Did old Con lion's case yield to your treatment?" Second Physician— "Jt did. I treated it for six months, and it yielded somothino- like a hundred guineas."— TU-JSits. " "Friends and fellow citi/.ons!" cried the agitator, "lend me your ears " "Not much," retorted a minion of the opposition. "If wo did we'd never get them back again."— Harper's JJa- zar. Hunker— "I wish I had courage enough to propose to Sue and end inv misery." Spalts _ "That n>M,t ,,,it «nd it-" Hunker — "How's that/" Kpatts— "SLe might accept you."-- J-udrie. fchoro an mon °y in farming nil a ' y First Guest—"Awful I J(UX , Second Guest—"Dull as a f'n knew it would be." First GuesIT* knew it? Then why did ycm T" Second Gwest — "Had to. MV heard that the formula for W i-if' * grots had changed, and shc ^'"B Hnd out what the new stvl e «-. ' she sent an acceptance.''-^' "*' I.V- Mrs. Morton (angrily) _ 1.7 ". Horlon, what made you" hit Jimmy?" Tommy Hoi-ton—«fi p ,, me with a brick " Mrs. Morton (J angrily)—"Well, never lot me h«» your hitting him again. If i lc [,:. you come and tell me." Tomm, i ton (snceringly) -- »y CS) ,,„.'* would you do?" Mrs. Morton I'd whip him!" Tommy disgust)—"What! He hits mo wi i brick and you have the fun him f'er it? Not much!" "Doctor, I wish you would VY me and tell me what yon thi,^. my mental balance." " "It's all "Ain't there a little soinctlii'no- w , —just enough to put mo ( |,n V | U ,, crank, you know?" "Absolutely ing." "Well, good-by." he S ;,i( disappointed tone. "What ( |j t want, to know this for?" "] strong, abnormal impulse to rob .ZJ body, and I wanted to liml out wM cr J wa.s cTH/sy enough to inako if, it 1'gel into court.."--ir,/,.vv,- A ,.y^ Kj , SURE TO WAKE HIM UP, Mexican Couriers iruvo an Alarm Clot! Upon Which They Can ; "I don't know what I'd do without my alarm clock," yawned .Siiiiniu sa | the boarding-bouse breakfast-table. "It's hard to get any fun out of'i evenings unless you stay up f nearly midnight," and tliat moansl o'clock before you really gut: to sleep, As my employer insists on my I behind the counter by 8 a. iii., tlu'j means waking up at 6'.' You can't q>l the chambermaid to ivake you (.TOT morning without considerable outlay of tips, and it would take u prettv muscular girl, anyway, to pound on' my door hard enough to TOD* . ^ & ,,v Xes," replied the amateur farmer confidently. "I know there is, because I put some in once, and I'm sure J haven't taken any out yct."—jj r ook- lynLife. Gabriel—"Who was that man you I * --.V ' , - r . .. ^ -. A Simple Way lo Avoid Dust. Here is a hint in regard to the prevention of dust that is well worth tho attention of housekeepers. Dutch artists of old, who had a perfect terror of dubt, always chose, if possiblc.to have their studios in dose pruximitv to a anal. If this was not practicable they got over tho dilliculty by keeping a largo tub of water in ihuir studios! most of the dust living about the room being caught, in this receptacle. The .icighbcrhooil of a river, the substitute for the Dutch canal, may not always bo desirable at tho present time, but a bou-1 of wiitcr.especially in these lays, when we rejoice in any excuse lor multiplying the bric-a-brao iu our •poms, is within everybody's reach. ...J '.... Anjorry, a student at the Uni.- of Texas, applied to Professor Snore for permission to be absent: "I would like to be excused from my'geo- graphy lesson this afternoon, as I want to take my sistor out ridino- » The old professor, who is no fxJo'l looked at the young man over the top of his spectacles and said, slowly: "Waul lu lako your sister out ridino-' do you? Is she any relation to you?— Texas tiifiiugs. Might Huld Together. Mrs. Blinks—"I wish to get a boy's suit, the strongest you have?" Dealer-—"Hero, madam, are some goods which will stand anything except tobogganing cm a barbod°wiro fence." Mrs. Hlinks—"Um—a boy couldn't go tobogganing-on a barbed-wire fence uould he?" ' Dealer—"No, madam." Mrs. Uliiiks—"Then perhaps do."—Qo(jd News. . ^'J n»ciu 111(111 >(JU turned away a little while ago?" St. Idler— "I've forgotten his immn m,w , , , . ----- 'gotten his name now; K! had a lawyer with him who offered to prove that ho was insane. "— N. Y Herald. "Doctor, what is the moanino- O f the peculiar formation just back" of baby sear? "Combativencss, perhaps." » liy, .some one said it was love of domestic life." "O, <uul the same thin First Visitor you see that fcnviod well, it's all one a- —Life. (to museum)—"Did man dining on carpet 'Yes. How I envied him!" lam?" "Just think how he must enjoy shad."— N. Y. Weekly. Fly kins-.''What made that old schoolmaster rub his hand over the seat of he chair before he sat down?" Slv- kins-"io save himself tho trouble of ^^o? "Ho is a very sick man. the fact that favorable to the contrauy. Ho . . . o- on so 1 to his recovery." "I think weaker ev- Dolly—"It straight.' nat women can't Harvard Lampoon. Tommy —' throw $f^* m: F!™^™™™& d,!,i i b ''l l "-" ( 'es. ' Mrs. Fid-n-— »i inuik I can answer Mint- wi °° fectually. Nov.-, my alarm clock nwka it simply impossible for me to sleep, for it kicks up such an awful row that I have to jump out of bed and stopit in self-defense before it gels half through the performance," and Simp, kins, says the Cincinnati Commmvi Uaxetle, smiled tin; fatuous smile of i man who never discovers tlmtheisj nuisance. "Yes, we've all noticed that," saidj stout commercial traveler, who, when he was at home at all, did not get up generally for full an hour aftcrlsimp. kins did. "I could recommend you.tc an alarm clock which would arouse just as ell'ectually as the one you havi now, and yet would not wake up er. erybody else within a quarter of'ii mile of you. Tho last time I TO! down in Mexico I loft tho lines of railroad and pushed out into tlic wilder parts of the country, in the interest! of my firm. There I met for the lint time some of those famous courier!,'' Indians, who ,carry messages for hundreds of miles, with much greater celerity than horses can do in that mountainous country. "When the courier's trip extends over three days, as it frequently does,' he allows himself two hours' .sleepon! of every twenty-four, and, as lie make* his bed on the ground, just wherever he happens to stop, there is no chanK bermaid or anyone else to rouso him from the heavy stupor which naturally overcomes a perfectly healthy man- who has been running steadily for about twenty-two hours, eating occasionally while he runs. Having »'.| lectod his bed, he takes some thick cord from his pouch, cuts off a piece ol' it, of a length which experience has. taught hinrto be about right, ties one; end of tho cord which is composed ol carefully selected material prepared in; a particular way, to his toe, sets firej to the'other end and falls asleep soj quickly that you would think he w«i constructed like one of those median--'; ical dolls which close their oyesM'i soon as they are laid down. Hefecli'lJ perfectly confident that the cord or if fuse will burn slowly but surely upto;.l his too in two hours or thoreabout,aud I he has no doubt that, when tho twistofl it which he, put around the ton is on ;| lire it will u-ako him effectually." TlieyYo All Plucky in the West, Throughout tho great west are scat-.; fcreil numbers of women who have? grown wealthy as miners, raiichetJi and homesteaders. They owe .success, according to the N. Y. JM/ijer, to the: fact lhai thoy "got ahua'd of the; men" by reason of superior pluok I ,., shrewdness. Quo of the most cou-| spieuous cases is that of two Los AH': gelus girls who recently visited Saut8 ; l''e and filoil upon homesteads they had: just located. The land lies on _' ' eastern slope of the /iuui mountain*.; and in order to reach the place the, women had to tmvol eighteen milfi"-, from the railroad station, walking: much of the time because of the bad: roads and often wading through two? feet of snow. A number ofmoiiwcl'e: waiting at tho railroad settlement for; the snow to thaw so that thoy could locate claims, but the womon said they had no time to wait ami the/ wailod tlu-oiigh tho snow. What an Iowa Woman JJoos. city sewers and •iourso. one of ~-'"i'o ~ lo see by, of Mrs. Jane Fraseiir Sulloy, of TftO», county, is the owner of 1,040 acre* « | line prairie land and does her oW8 farming. Sho sold $5,000 worth of W[; cattle, §1,200 worth of fat hogsttB« > ttl-'W worth of hor.--.es last year. AbOU' ^| 8 : » acres of her land is 'in grass,, balance in oats and corn. Mrs- S" 1 -;. ?• has attended every school election W J her subdistrict for twelve years, a' 1 "'"" l.M „ . . . . " i i ;.. while refusing to bo elected lias universally voted for director a».?rj according to tho Tip ton Adwrlm^\ secured the best man i'or suul o»«»J| •Hie same teacher has taugM Jffgf school for eight consecutive

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