The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa on May 4, 1892 · Page 8
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The Algona Upper Des Moines from Algona, Iowa · Page 8

Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, May 4, 1892
Page 8
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MOlNBS, AJL00NA, TnWA J*WftT)NESl)AY* MAY 4, Jfeiur and Far, it UK J^ttfl-En*of-JCowb«re Bred e etegfe JH- tie roan: He bed ix>lx/Jj- for tyxojHtar bat a little btock- There *a* iwt Bnadi to *> there. M . }•<* -"in *oppwe. For as }»s had IK* oeisJilxwm. be bad Ant fn be fell to woofeHnjs, and *T *ono*r why the people HT« so Terr •way 3 They njurt find it townrenfeDt, I should tlilni For wbwi they «7i»»; here. tJrey wlB bare So r«y far to soJ" Atla*t betook a hi«fer«99}re: be eaW, "I Tl «ro end s^e why ib<*e Brf«rtri*eri pmjA^ lire w tar aw from me: Petfca?w it !» aw4r Ignorance. a»3 I can set UHart rtraljrbi Bef<#« IM? irrow so r**y old that it •win be " 80 be walked ami walked and -walked and walked until be found a dtr. And to the p*op)« he expressed ids wonderment ana pity. He was WIBJ»M*JJ- thunferetruck trhen some one cliancwJ to My. " *T 1* ro«- «oy wjrtir litUe f rieoO, who lire «o Tar a way I" He went Jjcmw pondering deeply; be wild, "It eanixrt be * Tbatp«wntsin»ane—'t i» they that lire so tfr frosn no"! But m be patient with ttoem. and perhaps ttoey "il karri. lotae day. , Mich a distance from roy borne must Of-fAt IK far «w»yr* —Marsarvt Vaud«srrsf t in £t- Tkicbeta*. POUTS BOWL OF GBUEL The spoon was suddenly laid down and Uncle Joshua's shaggy brows contracted till they met in~a 'grizzled line across hie forehead. "It's burnt." said be. "Well" tartb-exclaimed Adelina. "I bnrat my hand, too: that is, I scalded It dreadfully when I was stirring: in the raeaL It Cluttered and babbled tip; But as for tbe gruel"* being burnt, that's only vour notion! I'm" sure I didn't oook it lon<r." "So." Uncle Joshua calmly rejoined. "yon didn't coo); it long enough. It tastes raw. But the milk was "burst. And you've got it too Baity! I can't eat it- It takes a k«ack to "make good graeL It seems to me that a woman yfyour a;re. Adeliny—most 30, arc't oe-" 1 —ought to know how to cook something lit for a sick person to eat:" An angry red burned on Adeiina's cheeks, fche seized the bowl of condemned gruel and flounced down into tbe dining room, where the rest of the family were assembled. "Til never cook another thing for him a* long as I live!" she exclaimed. "I do wish. ma. that when Uncle Joshua feent word that he was coming to visit us. you had written to him that we were sick, or something, and that it wasn't convenient'" "Don't be rash." said Mrs. Dart, a eharj>-tongued matron, with calculating grey eyes. "Folks gay he jg rich!" *•! don't believe it!" retorted Adelina. "Nor do I!" echoed her sister Blanche, a languid blonde. "If he is worth anything why does ho dress so shabbily? I almost die of sbamo every time be goes to church with us!" "And think of his home!" continued Arielina. '•That little red farrn-house, with rag carpet, feather-teds and windows that won't let down at the top— it's awftrl!" ' "Why, I thought it was a lovely place, with its sloping, moss-covered roof and the big elms around it!" said Doily. We have mentioned Dolly last because it seemed to be the 'fashion in the Dart household. Ever since she wa# a tiny lass and her father had foolishly wedded the Widow Wood and brought her and her two grown-up daughter)- to his home. Dolly had been a very insignificant person. Papa Dart <ti<i not long survive his folly, am! uftcr his ilcatii Dolly was tmsted \vnr.-i- than ever. Shi; did most of tli(; work aii'l had least of the pleasure. A<ii.<liiKt und liianche seemed to have a sort of spite against her. Per- hap« it wan owing to jealousy of her btmuly, for DoJly wu.i vary prclty. Few of Hie fashionable set in the town of Conover knew anything about Dolly. "She is such a. mere child yet—too young too go into society," Mrs. Dart would carelessly remark. "I havoAde- linaarid Blanche tochupernn.and when they are cojnfortably Bottled in life why then it'll be time for Dolly to 'come out.' It isn't likely that she cures much about it anyway, she's such a home body!" Dolly was a home-body, hut, like most young girls, she had a longing for pretty clothes and gay festivities. And when she heard about the Christmas ball that was to be given down at 'Squire Delano's, the nabob of the town, in honor of tjio return of his son and daughter—the former from a German university and the latter a wise young damsel from Vassar—when she Haw with li(;r own nyes tliu dainty, cream-tinted invitation with her own name, "Miss Dorothy Dart," written on it, she wanted to go very much, indued, and, for a wonder, summoned up enough boldness to manifest hei dosiro." "Why, Dolly, what can you be thinking of!" exclaimed her' stepmother. "You know I can not afford to got you a new dress!" "1 can wear my white muslin!" stoutly persisted the young girl. "1'our old muslin? That wouldn't do at all! You'd bo a real dowdy!" "She might have my blue silk li.xmi over," suggested Blanche, who was not bad-liearlod if folks didn't set her up to it. Adeliua frowned. "You said you were going to have your blue silk colored and made into a Watleuu wrapper," bhe remarked severely. "Yes, 1 did intend to," Blanche replied, subdued by the frown, and Mrs. bartended the conversation by saying decidedly: "You see, Dolly, it's quite impossible! What wiih'Adclina's now wine- colored satin and Blanche's silk, I can't art'onj to spend a penny more." Now it so happened that Uncle Josliiia had never paid much attention to Dolly, lie had either thought that she had too much and that he would not add to her cures, or ho had preferred to have her half-sister wait on him. But lie took/kindly notice of her uow,>when, after liar little battle, onme upstairs, bringing him a pj pj gruel that she haif ihado with - i / -»— ,f !,,.«».,-«-.«•» fter own nan<ls. lor. wise Jit tie woman that she wa*, *be knew tfcst the best way to core her own nnhappiness wa: to do a kind act for somebody else. Toti made ii. you say?" tastin? it "That's first rate! Neither too thick nor too thin. Milk isn't burnt am meal isn't raw! Salted all risht too Humph; tiness rou'll do if voti are j mere chit! Hot what mafces'your eye. so red, child? Been standing too Jonj over a hot stove cooking for an oik ogre like me? So' Hi bet my best white Cheshire pig that you've been crying." Dolfe be0an to eire a half barter? fleniaL but ihe old gentleman was kind and sympathetic that before she hardly boew it the whole story of b»r desire and her disappointment came out. "Humph! humph! humph! Too bad, child," was all that Uncle Joshua said, while he sipped his gruel in big spoonfuls. And when tbe bowl was'empty he said: "I wish you'd write a note to Miss Amanda Bartow and a=k her ii e won't come ovsr and have a of cribbajre with me." Now Miss Amanda Bartow was one of tbe aristocratic spinsters of the town, but she and Uncle Joshua had been old friends and schoolmates, and odd and old-fashioned as he was. she loved him like a brother. Accordingly, she answered the note in person, * and tbe cribbage carts were forthcoming, but [ imagine the game wasn't a verv spirited one, for the old couple seemed \» be talking very earnestly about something e!~e. and before she went home >ii«- Amanda called Dolly ride, and said in a low tone: ".So you want to go to tbe party, do rou. my dear? Well, both votir "uncle game one myself would like to have you go, or it's gwng to be A fine affair. As or your old muslin dress, just let me .ake it borne with ine. Perhaps I may >e able to fix it up with some lace and ribbons. Don't mention this to any one. We'll surprise Mrs. Dart and her daughters." Dolly knew how to make other -nice dishes for the sick, and now. that the •est of the family had let him fall into jer hands, Uncle Joshua fared sumptuously. "I should think you'd trot your feet off"" Blanche observed commiserating- y, while Mrs. Dart added with a sigh of relief: Well, it's a mercy some one suits the old man! I dop't know what we'd do if we had to wait on him, now that we are so busv getting ready for the party!" The evening for the last-mentioned event came. Mrs. Dart and her daughters drove off in a state of high satisfaction, and hardly had the sound of their hired hack died away before Miss Amanda's private carriage dashed up the road—"For all the world like a "airy god-mother's pumpkin coach! as Dolly afterward laughingly expressed it. Miss Amanda, herself" alighted 'rorn the carriage stately in her Mack velvet and diamonds and bearing a arge package in her hands. It contained not the flimsy muslin (which i-he had taken merely as a ruse to get Jolly's measure), but instead an elaborate gown of white silk brocaded with tinv pink and silver roses. A >air of dainty pink satin slippers, a Juge fan of rosy ostrich plumes; a necklace of pink coral set in exquisite silver filigree work and a big bonquet of fragrant roses completed the outfit. "For roe!" Dolly gasped. "For you!" said Uncle Joshua, who )ad hobbled to the door on his crutch, and stood jwjering in with kindly smile on all this finery. "That's to pay for he nice bowl of gruel you made me! And now I'll m back to rny room, and lo you get all this toggery on as soon as you can!" Of the great sensation she made, of the surprise and discomfiture of Mrs. Dart and her daughters—of the glee and grace with which Dolly danced—of the complete conquest slie made of everybody—why you'll have to ask Miss Amanda. And when Uncle Joshua heard about it, he nodded his grey head in satisfaction, savin"-: "That's right! that's right!" She deserves the best. I intend that she shall have all I've got—and it's more than most folks think it is, too! She ought to have some reward—a girl that can cook for sick folks as she does!"— Philadelphia Times. Hans Chriwtian Andersen. From a paper on Ilans Christian Anderson by Prof Hjalmar H. Uoyesen, in tho Century, wo quote as follows: "The conversation then turned upon his writings, and I told him how his stories had been the dearest books of my childhood, and seemed associated with all that was delightful in the memory of it. I told him how happy and flattered I hail folt at finding the name of thu little *joy in 'Olc Shut- Eye' the same; as my own, and that half unconsciously I had appropriated his experiences and half believed them to be iny own. "This little conversation seemed to touch Andersen strangely. Tears filled his eyes; he seized both my hands and pressed thorn warmly. '"Now you understand,' he said, 'what a happy lot it is to be the children's pout.' "I roso to take my leave, but lingered talking; and on my expressing a (leiiiru to hear him read, he half rose upon his sofa, adjusted his pillows, and began lo recile from memory •The Ugly Duckling.' "His manlier was easy and conversational, full of caressing inflections, such as one employs in telling a talc to a child. In the pathetic passages ho was visibly affected, and ho closed' almost solemnly. "'It is the story of my own life,' he said. 'I was myself the despised swan in the poultry-yard, tho poet in the house of tho Philistines.' I folt suddenly, as he finished his recital, that I understood thu man. I had caught the keynote of his character. All that was good and noble in him roso in vivid ; light before mo. I never saw him i Getting ICveii. Bull: "I hear that Lambkin made a good thing out of his Wall street dual." Uehr: "Why, 1 thought ho lost all his money." Bull: "He did. But he married tho daughter of the man who got it"— l'ui:ln. / WIT AK1) HUMOR. Kelipon that isn^t a«ed every won't keep long.— Earns3orn. Tbe defectives are notified that there are a number of Congressmen-ai-large. — Texat Si/lingt. Old Vesuvius is again in a state of eruption- Also the onlr man who can carry bis State.— Philadelphia h'foord, Tbe new coins may be aa improvement on tbe old ones, but they are undoubtedly equally 6hv and* warr.— Pueb. "Who is that across the street ?" *O. that's a very close friend of mine." •Indeed!" «res he never lends a c-nu"— Texat Sijlingt. Inklits—"Why do yon think the snort story is popular?" De Kicque (who doesn't like fiction) "Beeaa*e it isn't long."— Washington Star. Talking of yetting along in the world, tbe bald-headed man will always be found at the front if be has a fair show.— Philadelphia Time*. The married man who interrupts while his wife is giving him a curtain lecture only delays the time of his going to sleep.— SvirierviUcJuHrnal, la Paris—"Shall we go to the Wa-- r - ner opera this evening.'" "No; 1 have been inspecting a big boiler factorv on the Seine this afternoon."— Judge. Tbespis—"Perhaps she's afraid of boiieetor— "So." Cawyer—*WeH, I'd advise yon to ask Bronson. He'll TOU something handsome." Collector —-Bat yonrsabseription?" Lawrer— -O—I? " Oh, yes. Well I wont charg« yon anything for my advice abou Broason-. Good morning."— Harper* Bazar. Will yon please give me some din ner. ma'am?" begged a tramp guess so," was the" reply. "Will yon Save a plate of soup?" ""I'm not par ticular, said the tramp. "There was a time." he went on mournfuUy,* t when I wouldn't think of eittin' down to dinner without soup, but- things is differ ent nnw. You kin start me on roa? UCTI or pie. or even an entry tor au care."— Texas Siftings. A poorly dressed man solicited aic from Jay Gould just as he was steppipi into his carriage in front of the palatia residence on Fifth avenue. "What i the matter with you? asked tbe millionaire. "I am a poor man who haslos everything except his good name. Oh Mr. Gould, yon don't know what it is for a man to. have nothing in this world but his good name." "No, an< Tve no curiosity on the subject," replied Jay.— Texas fiiflings. She grabbed the letter with th' ferocity of a tiger. She found it in he husband's overcoat pocket. addresse< in a fine female hand. "Now I have the wretch,"she.hissed through these teeth of her rigid jaws. She crainple< the missive in a demoniac grasp, anc •. _ » —.-—.— «» Vli-s LUIS?* , c 111 A UCJJIUlijaV gllVSLJ, rtUM stage fright. Is she used to speaking thea her fierv eves shot upon the in m public.-" i over—-Well, she at- scription: "Mrs*. John Smith, Butter tend* theater parties twice a week."— -V. 1'. Hun. The man who has never bad a crayon portrait of himself made by an amateur artist probably does not "yet know what it is to have his pride fullv humbled. — Barn's Ijarn. Leap Year Girl— "Liveryman, is this horse gentle?" Liveryman — "Yes, ma'am, exactly what you want; he is used to being driven with one hand." — Binghampton tiepuUican. Fat Man — "Whose costume shall I wear to the masquerade ball?" Cynical Friend — "Don't wear any costume. Tie a string to your ankle and go as a toy balloon." — Texas tjtjlin-'jjs. Kimer (entering the editorial sanctum; — "I have written a poem, on the grip, sir." Editor (who is just over a severe attack of the malady; — •'Well, it deserves it." — Brooklyn Life. Mrs. Watts — "Mrs. Figg is so entertaining, don't you thiuu;-''' Mrs. Potts "Isn't she, though? Why, 1 have to send the children out of the room every time she calls." — Indianapolis Journal. Jinks — "I suppose you've gotten over inclosing kisses in letters to your wife?" Filkins — "Yes, except when I send a remittance. In tluit case I give the cluck a good-by kii=. — .y. Y. der. "After Miss Fitz says her prayers every night she looks 'under the bed, but she has never fouad a man in all these years." Jessie — "Wonderful! And she keeps on. praying?" — S. Y. If a man's wife caught him kissing his typewriter it could uardly be clain£ ed to be a typographical error, but it would certainly be a misprint and would be promptly corrected. — Sew Orleans Delta. Mr. Dusenberry (quite inebriated) — "My dear, 1 couldn't go down that toboggan slide. It would take my breath." Mrs. Dusenberry — "It wouldn't be a bad thing if it did." — Texas fiij'tinga. Young man — "Mother, you say how much 1 will lose by marrying a girl so Car below rne in social standing as Clara, but then just think how much she will gain, and it will all be in the family."— JJurpcr' 1 * Bazar. Beggar — "Sir, I am starving." Croa- sus — "Here, take this cent anil tell me bow you became so miserably poor." Beggar— "Ah, sir, I was like yon. I was too fond of giving a\vaV lur^e sums of money to the poor."— Ki>n°h. Bridegroom— "You said I would be nutville." "That's it! that's it!" she again hissed, in her triumph. "It's the letter I gave him to mail to mother three months ago."— JiinghamUm Be- publican. TEN THOUSAND LEECHES LOOSE. Hundred* of them Inratle a Tenement to tbe Discomfort of the Occupants. People in the Western Addition hav slept soundly- for years in ignorance o the fact that at any moment a plagtn worse than the locusts of Egypt migh come crawling into open windows am under loosely hung doors—a plague o fierce blood-hungry leeches. There is an extensive leech farm a 1,125 Bush street, where 10.0JJ of the repulsive monsters are confined, await ing purchasers. The farm is one o two in the United States, the other being in New York, and there at times 5 J.yJJleeches squirm ceaselessly about, over and through swamp muck, con stantlr searching for some hapless animal that chance may have rniret down to furnish a feast for the insatiate annelid. The leeches at the San Francisco farm broke away the other night ant overspread the neighboring tenement in a very short time. Hundreds o: them crawled up the walls and tried every window and crevice. But minority found their way into the sleeping rooms—not more.than a thousand—but even that number of snaky, greenish-black, creepy worms sufficed to terrify the occupants almost into fits when they felt the eager suction oj the leeches, and awoke to find themselves festooned with the ugly products of the swampy ooze of Bordeaux. The first to awaken was a young lady, and she was not long in announc^ ing her distress and arousing her fellow-occupants of the house, only to find that each of them had for room companions from a score to hundreds of the leeches. Brooms were savagely plied in every corner.and under every" piece of furniture. Bed-clothing was shaken and closely examined. Leech bites were dressed with soothing applications, and after several hours of activity the household again settled down to" rest. Next morning an examination of the premises and those adjacent was made, and when the leech farm was discovered the secret was out, as well as the leeches. The worms are brought from France, where about Bordeaux there are wide areas of black, light ooze, in which eeches of the fiercest sort multiply un.,._ --I, i ,, , --: stinted. The ooze fairly heaves with surpnsed when you told me about the j their writhings at the season of the dBU«!'Lcr 0 8nd' e now' 0 vou ^iv^noJ 9 " >year when . th .«V are most activ °- and at all!" Father-in-law —^"Well, you may t are surprised, are you not?"— Fliegende Old Blatter. horses, worn out in faithful service, are driven into the marshes Brown—"An agent'• for shirts you sent him to me. Have jrudge against me?" Jones lave a grudge against the agent." Brown—"What do you niean?" Jones —"I thought he'd make a sale."— Kale Field's Washington. "I don't think I shall call on Miss Dippings again," he said reflectively. "Why?" "She made use of the expression, 'the late unpleasantness, 1 last j hired whose poverty compels them to night." "What of that?" "She said it' acce P' an y, chance. The men walk into the borders of the irts said and are soon covered with the hungry ,-e you a leeches, which fasten to lips, eyelfds, ;— "No; I nose, or any other tender part, and hang on until glutted with the life blood of their victim, or until the wretched horse weakens under the drain and falls to suffocate in the slime of the leech morass. When leeches are desired to send to New York or San Francisco men are n a way that left me in doubt whether she meant rno or the war."-— Washington Star. "Father," asked Tommy, "why did Ajax defy the lightning?" "Because, my son, Ajax was a French duelist, ,nd the lightning was known to miss ,000 times where it hit once. More- >ver, it was 800 miles away and wasn't ightning at that time. Ajax knew whom to defy."— Texas Siftinys. A woman will eat anything without complaining, while a man will begin to backslide whenever tho cooking wrong; but when it comes to the ht of a garment that doesn't suit her, ho has opinions that can no more be icld in check than you can put mit- ens on a landslide.— Mam's Horn. Stoddigoo—"Suppose I decide to let, on have the money, how do I know bare-legged leech borders swamps and are immediately covered by the repulsive crawle/s, but before they can more than pierce the K.dn of the men with their sharp semi- lunar teeth they are swept off into pouches, from which they are counted out into beds of wet moss and boxes of their native ooze, embedded in which they are transported safely any distance. " ' The large leeches, such as those of Japan, which reach two feet in length, are not in common use, nor are certain poisonous sorts.such as the small black leeches of Australia. The thick, fat fierce worms of Hungary, Sicily, and trance are preferred by practitioners who use leeches, and it is from those countries that the rest of the world supplied. The San Francisco hat I shall get it back at the time you ' of mention?" Bluffum—"I promise it i es n y boy, on the word of a gentleman." Steddigoe—"Ah; in that case I may hink better.of it. Come around this vening and bring him with you."— Pick Me Up. J "Brother Ootrox," said th/--"" ' " iVilgus, "did you our wealth that it is but as a trust yet "That is th ' / O f rfsed flirm * formed by placiii ' the ooze of the Bordeaux not IOW^ it," answ into satisfaction guaranteed in a n ca how y"oTJ—- ca Journal. t see ipolis somethir Lawye is leech quantities . ,, . -- - swamps. especially imported for the purpose in large boxes with light covers. The leeches bore about through the muek until wa/U-iu for sale, when they are counted out, washed, and disposed of, ready to bite any living thing and han^ ^n until they are swollen to ei^ht or ten times their ordinary size. ° Then they Hrop olT and Ho dormant until assimilation shall have been finished and hunger again arouses them. — Han J.'runo(sco Examiner. The Chinese authorities employ foreigners almost exclusively as custom agents in theiv thirty treaty pyrU.fear- mg to trust Chinamen. l MOCKING-BIRD JOKES. How One Bird Sent Twenty BnizaJd* t* Flight—HI* Ixrre of Fan- No one whe has studied the way* of Wrds can doubt that many of them have a strong sense of humor, says the Touth't Companion. They play jokes on each other, perhaps even on us, and they "see the point" in an astonishing war. The catbird is a notable example of the feathered joker and tbe mocking-bird is little, if any, behind him in this regard. A droll exhibition of his love of fan was once given by a mocking-bird confined in a cage that was separated only by a network partition from a large family of canaries. When first placed thepe'he seemed to be struck dumb by his voluble neighbors, while the truth was he was simply biding his_time. Several days he remained silent, taking notes, mastering their song, and suadenly* without, so far as is known, any preliminary rehearsal, burst put into the canary song in a loud, ringing tone that struck every little yellow throat speechless for a 'time. After this it was his favorite amusement to keep quiet until half of the 200 canaries were singing at the top of their voices, and then, without warning, break into the melee of music with their own trills and quavers, so loudly delivered as completely to eclipse them and compel instant silence. Then he hopped gracefully back and forth on his perch, flirting his tail and jerking his wings to show his relish of the consternation he had caused. A curious exhibition was given by a free mocking-bird toward a playful kitten on the grass. The bird took his place on a tree a'hnost directly above pussy, leaning far over, jerking his tail and uttering a peculiar sound like the "fufP of an excited cat. This is, in fact, the bird's war-cry, and for the little fellow to declare war upon the hereditary enemy of his race, even in infancy, was very droll, and his manner showed plainly that he intended it as a joke. On one occasion in the south, when something had attracted to a certain spot beyond the fence a crowd of the enormous turkey-buzzards native to that part of the country, a mockingbird chanced to notice" the unusual gathering. His singing ceased,he flew across the yard and perched on the fence close to where they were busily engaged in the road. A few moments he stood motionless, looking at them; then suddenly, with a loud war-cry, dropped down* among them. Consternation fell upon the spectators* Would he be killed? They started to go to his assistance when they were amazed to see the buzzards instantly rise in a panic—twenty of them. The mocking-bird knew them better than we did, and undoubtedly intended a joke, for the next moment he hopped gaily upon the fence and resumed his song, wriggling his little body and flirting his wings in a suo 1 - gestive way. ° ABOUT GOOD CIGARS. How Men Act When They Choose the Fragrant Weed—Characteristics of In- vetorate Smokers. Do you smoke? If you do, why not. at leisure, have a little chat about cigars, cigarettes and smokers. But I do not advise you to praise the brand you are just now smoking. It is too dark, it smells of yesterday's damp atmosphere, its ashes are black as a traitor's soul. The treasures of Havana, formerly the exclusive enjoyment of the opulent classes, are now within the reach of almost every one, and when crops are short in Cuba, Mexico, Virginia and the Carolinas supply the deficiency. There are cigars of many different titles, most of them highly sounding, ike the Spanish hidalgos by whom :hey were named. There are Cayados, Prensados, Trabucos, Londres, Re- gueros, Princesses Caballeros, Crevas, Principes de Galles, Flor Finos, Es- jarteros, Comerciantes, Cazadores, tfedias, Regalias, Simples, Regalias de a Reina, Jenny Lind, Adelina Patti, 3ivina Sarah, Imperiales, Impera- dores, Conchas,Bolivar, Liberatadores, "onquistadoes, etc. It is for the "connoisseurs" to exercise their preferences and to conteri "or the very best. There are decree n tobacco as in wine, and the Havana >rand has the pedigree as has Chateau Yquem and Chambertin. The "Figaro" or the "Henry Clay' has each its peculiar aroma. In the ingdom of tobacco as in the empire of love, among cigars as among worn en, there is always the eternal'and in evitable rivalry between the blonde and the brunette, the dark and th ight, the strong and the mild; but n the smoking world, as elsewhere f the brunettes are generally strong he blondes are not always mild. A true smoker must never select a moist cigar, but at the same ti must not take a too dry one. As he Latin philosopher said, "In medio utissimus ibis." The supreme felicity f the smoker depends also in a "reat measure upon the manner in which he ights his cigar. To verify its peculiar roma one has first to draw the smoke hrough the nose. To recognize a ro»- lar smoker is an easy task-his lips hvays betray him. The man wno esolutely puts his cigar deeply in his mouth is a firm, decided man of action uick in movement, perhaps brusque ut generally good hearted. Ihe youngster who cuts the end of the cigar with his teeth is rathor insouciant, careless of future dental suf- feriugs. The baldheaUed youn* m!n who ca ]l s for a penknifo' tfl 0 » ** end of a cigar is B man judicious in The one who places i lis an waltzer. a passionate The one who prefers dark shaded oi. gars may ce supposed a darin* an( . fortunate gambler, an audacious and successful lover, rather fond of LeopoM Robert and Regnaht's vivid jiictur*. and Verdi's music: he is partial to racing and wild hunting. The man who buys his cigars with. out examination and only bet-fuse thev are tied in packages with ribbing ])et% . fumed by the Cuban peddler's wife i» of confiding disposition, prn.eumablv an obedient husband and cre<iu| 0 gg stockholder. The one who smokes his ci^ar almost to the end is by all meau^'a , severing character, a faithful " and a constant lover: the friend one who throws it away when only half smoked is J>lase. The man who allows it to extinguish itseil often and lights it again is ab- sentrminded, thoughtful but in.lulgeat --a good fellow, inclined to tolerance. taking men for what they are, women for what they are not: taking times as they come, he lets the stream of lifa flow gently by. The "connoisseur" must be very careful when cigars show little yellow spots. If spots appear in consequence of unequal drying the cigar is horrid. If made by small worms, the brand ii generally exquisite, as worms prefer to attack the best flowers, the beit fruits, the best leaves. - ... '' In any case, the cigar is not the true smokers best enjoyment; it j sa kind of compromise between the cigarettes of the "coquette" and the short pipe of the cynical philosopher. — A", y. Recorder. ARTIFICIAL PARASITISM. Cranky People Who Are DeTonred bf Imaginary Creature*. "Cranks bother us occasionally, 1 said Entomologist Howard of the department of agriculture to a Washing•ton Star writer. "A man down in Florida recently sent us word that he was in great distress of mind. While he was oathing in the ocean a horrible 'sea centipede°had eot into his ear. Notwithstanding life utmost effort* made by physicians whom he had called in, the creature still remained there and occasioned him the most dreadful agony, clawing at the drum of the ear and the delicate membranes within the passages. "This was very unpleasant.of course, and it had finally occurred to him that the bureau of entomology of Washington, might suggest a, remedy. Recently, he said, the centipede had begun to shed legs, a number of which he had preserved. Unless he obtained relief be said he was convinced that he would soon go crazy. "We wrote to him, saying that we would be glad if he would send us some of the legs which the centipede was alleged to have shed. He responded by sending us a few particles of skin and a dozen or so of such small hairs as grow within the external opening of the ear. Among these specimens there was not to be found any sign of legs of any insect or • other creature. It was as "we hart supposed, the man's complaint was simply imaginary. "A similar case occurred not long ago in which the sufferer was an elderly gentleman living abroad, whose son sent to him from this country copies of certain American newspapers. He wrote that these publications had evidently carried with them through the mails some dreadful which had attacked him parasites, and were causing him the utmost misery. Physicians who had been called in "had "declared that there was nothing the matter, being evidently ignorant of this particular kind of imported parasites. At our request he sent to us an exhibit, which proved to bo only a little scurf, such as might be scratched from the body of a healthy'person. Of course it was merely a delusion. "This is a very peculiar form of delusion, and it is not altogether uncommon. It has been called by the celebrated Dr. Blanchard of Paris 'false parasitism.' Victims of it imagine that they are attacked by parasites of various kinds and stiller all the horrors which imagination equally with actual physical torture can inflict." Dusting With Air. One of those simple inventions which makes everybody wonder why it had not been thought of before is the new device for cleaning railway cars adopted by the Union Pacific Railroad at its shops at Portland, Ore., says the Industrial World. Compressed air at a pressure of fifty 1 pounds to the square inch is carried to the cars by means of a flexible rubber hose with a small nozzle. The apparatus is used in precisely the same way that a water hose is used, the only difference being that a compact stream of air instead of water doos the cleaning work. The results achieved by this device are said to bo extraordinary. Not only is the work more thoroughly done than by beating with a stick and by the use of brushes, but the car is cleaned in an exceedingly short time. The effect on the plush cushions i? said to be particularly good, the compressed air being, in fact, not only » beater, but a brush as well. There is not a crack or a cranny in the car that is safe from the searching current of compressed uir. Tho Spider's Web. Look carefully under her nhdoroon and near the tip you will see six littlP lipplos. Under these nipples, inside ier body, t! 'i-o are special glands iP which a kind of gum is secreted, and this dries when it comes into the air. This gum forms a silken thread, from vhich the spider builds her web. The lipples, which are called "spinnerets, * lave not merely one opening, but are >ierced with at least a hundred holes, nut when the spider be-gius hor weo more than six hundred separate • tran,ds go to make up a single thread., According to computation, base* upon the fact that a iibor only 0« e our-thousundth part of an inch iB iamotor will sustain fifty-four grdiW> 1 bar of spider's silk an inch in diameter- J yould support a weight of seventy* our tons. In oth(»r words, has ijoady three times tb« f«| oi'tiug s.tre 'Hh of iroa.-r-.(Sa(

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