The Algona Republican from Algona, Iowa on November 18, 1891 · Page 5
Get access to this page with a Free Trial
Click to view larger version

The Algona Republican from Algona, Iowa · Page 5

Publication:
Location:
Algona, Iowa
Issue Date:
Wednesday, November 18, 1891
Page:
Page 5
Cancel
Start Free Trial

Page 5 article text (OCR)

6 THE KEPtJBLtOAN; ALGONA, IOWA, WEDNESDAY, NOYEMBUK 18,1891. By FERGUS W. HUME, CHAPTER VIII. BRIAN TAKE3 A WALK AND A DR1VTJ. , When tho gentlemen entered tho drawing room a young lady was engaged in playing one of those detestable pieces of music called morceau do salon, in which an unoffending mir is taken and variations embroidered on it Itill ifc becomes a perfect agony to distinguish (too tune amid the perpetual rattle of quavers iand domi-somi-quavers. Brian quickly found his way to Madge's ,sido. The talk drifted on to tho subject of '"Whyto's death. "I never did like him," she said, "but it iwas horrible to think of him dying liko that." "I don't know,"answered Brian, gloomily; ^'from (ill I can hear, chloroform is a very (easy death." "Death can never bo easy," replied Madge, "especially to a young man so full of health .and spirits as Mr. "Why to was." "I believe you are sorry he's dead, 11 said Brian, jealously. i "Aren't yonj" sho asked in some surprise. v "Do mortuis nil nisi bonum," quoted Fitzgerald; "but as I detested him when alivo, you can't expect mo to regret his end." Madge did not answer him, but glanced .quickly at his face, and for tho first time it struck her that ho looked ill. "What is tho mntter with you, dear?* sho •asked, placing her hand on his arm. are iiot looking Troll." •'You "What in li',a matter with you, dear?" \ "Nothing— nothing," he answered hur- j-iedly. "I'vn buen a little worried about business lately; but come," he said, rising, "let us go outside, for I seo your father has cot that girl with the steam whistle voice to i 1 The girl with the steam whistle voice was Julia Featherweight, tho sister of Rolleston's ina:urv;vr;. ml Madge stifierl a, laugh as she ftveiit out; <;;i the veranda with Fitzgerald. '•What a shame of you," she said, bursting into a laugh when they wore safely outside; "she's been taught by the best masters." "Howl pity them," retorted-Brian, grimly,, as Julia Availed out, "Meet nio once again, 71 with an ear piercing shrillness. "I'd muck 1 rather listen to our ancestral banshee, and as' to meet her again, one interview would bo> inqre than enough." Sfad go did not juiswdr, but leaning lightly over the high rail of tho veranda lookedj out into the beautiful moonlight night, j There were a number of people passing along- the Esplanade, some of whom stopped and! listened to Julia's shrill notes, which being mellowed by distance, must havo sounded 1 rather uico. One man in particular seemed! jto have taste for music, for ho persistently! stared over tho f enco at tho house. Brian 'and Madgo talked of all sorts of things, but every time Madgo looked up she saw the man watching the house. "What does tb:fc man want, Brian 1" sho • asked. "Whatman?" ashed Brian, starting. "Oh,", he went. 0:1 indifferently, as the man moved] away from the gate and crossed the road onj to tho footpath, "he's taken up with the 1 music:, I suppose; that's all." Madgo did not say anything, but could not help thinking thero was more in it than the mu:>!". Presently Julia ceased, and she pro-' posed to go in. "WhyS" asked Brian, who was lying back in a comfortable sent, smoking a cigarette. "It's nice enough here." "I must attend to my guests," sho answered, rising. "You stop hero and finish your cigarette," and with n, gay laugh sha flitted i into tho house li'co a. shadow. Brian sat and rnioked, staring out into tho moonlight meanwhile. Yes, tho man was, certainly watching the house, for ho sat ou one of the sorts, and kept his eyes fixed on the brilliantly lighted -windows. Brian threw away hia cigarette and shivered slightly. "Could any one have seen rne?" he muttered,, rising uneasily. "Pshaw! of courseuot, and. the cabman would never recognise mo again. I Curse Whyte, "I wish I'd never set eyes upon I Lin." He gave one glar.ee at tho dark figure on the seat, and then, with a shiver, passed into the warm, well lighted room. Ho did not feel easy in his nuutl, and ho •would have felt 1 still less so had ho known that tho man ou the seat was one of i,'. :o cleverest of tho Melbourne detectives. Mr. Gorby had been watching the Frettlby mansion tho vholo evening, and was getting rather annoyed. Morclaud did uot know "whero Fitzgerald lived, and as tho detective •wanted to find out, ho determined to watch Brian's movements and trace him home. "If he's that pretty girl's lover, I'll wait till he leaves tho house?," argued Mr. Gorby to himself, wbou ho iirst took his seat on the Esplanade. ''Ho won't stay long away from her, aud ones ho leaves the house I'll follow him up till I find out where he lives." When Brian made his appearance early hi the evening on his way to Mark Frettlby's mansion, he was in evening dress, with a light coat over it, and also had on a soft hat. "Well, I'm dashed!" ejaculated Mr. Gorby, when ho saw Fitzgerald disappear; "if ho isu't a fool I don't know who in, to go about in tho very clothes ho woro when ho polished Wbyte off, raid think ho won't be recognized. Melbourne r.iivt Paris or London, that ho can ufford to bo so careless, and when I put the darbies on him he will bo astonished. Ah, •well," ho went on, lighting bis pipe aud taking a seat on the Esplanade, "I suppose I'll have to wait here till ho comes out." Mr. Gorby's patience was pretty severely tried, for hour after hour passed aud no one appeared. Then ho saw Madge and Brian come out ou tho veranda, and heard Miss Featherweight's shrill voice singing, which sounded weird and unearthly in the stillness of the'uight. He saw Madge go in, and then teriau, the latter turning" aud stariuj^at him (for a minute or so. "Ab!" said Gorby to himself, relighting Iiispipe, "your conscience is a-smiting you, is it? Wait till you're in jaii." Then the guests came ouftef the house aud oa» by w^i bUclk fljgiijce* in - opened tho gats and hold out bin hand. "Good-night, Fitzgerald," he said, ift & hearty voica; "come down soon again," "Good-night, Bryan, dearest," said Madge, kissing him, "and don't forget to-morrow." Then father and daughter closed the gate, leaving Brian outside, and walked back to tho houso. "Ah["said Gorby to himself, "if you only know what I know, you wouldn't bo so precious kind to him." Brian walked, strolled along the Esplanade, and then crossing over, passed by Gorby and walked on till ho was opposite the Esplanade hotel. Then ha lighted a cigarette and walked down tho steps on to the pier. "Suicido, is it?" muttered Mr. Gorby to himself, as lie saw the tall, black figure striding resolutely on, a long way ahead. "Not if I can help it." So ho lighted his pipo, aud strolled down tho pier in an apparently aimless manner. Ho found Brian leaning over tho parapet at tho end of tho pier, and looking at the glittering waters beneath, which kept rising and falling in iv dreamy rhythm, that soothed and charmed tho car. "Poor girl! poor girll" tho detective hoard him mutter as he cauio' up. "If she only knew all! If she" At this moment he heard the approaching step, and turned round sharply. The dotec-, tivo saw that his faco was ghastly palo in tho moonlight, and his brows wrinkled angrily. "What tho devil do you want?" he burst: out, as Gorby paused. "What do you mean by following me all over tho place?" "Saw ma \vatching the house," said Gorby to himself. "I'm not following you, sir," ho 'said aloud. "I suppose tho pier ain't private, property. I only carao down here'for a breath of fresh air." Fitzgerald did not answer, but turned sharply on his heel, and walked quickly up tho pier, leaving Gorby staring after him. "He's getting frightened," soliloquized tho detective to himself, as ho strolled easily along, keaping tho black figure in front well in view. "I'll havo to keep a sharp eye on him or he'll bo clearing out of Victoria." Brian walked quickly up to tho St. EZilda station, for ou looking at his watch he found ho would just havo timo to catch the last train. Ho arrived a few minutes before it • started, so, getting into tho smoking carriage at tho near end of the platform, ho lit a cigarette, and, leaning back in his scat, watched lato coiners hurrying into tho station. Just as tho last bell rang he saw a man rush along, who seemed likely to miss tho train. It was tho samo man who had beon watching him the wholo evening, aud Brian felt confident that he was following him. He comforted himself, however, with tho thought that this pertinacious follower would lose the train, and, being in tho last carriage himself, ho kept a lookout along tho platform, expecting to seo his friend of tho Esplanade standing disanpointed on it. There was no appearance of him. however, so Brian, sinking back into his seat, cursed his ill luck in not having shaken off this man who kept him under such strict surveillance. "D him!" ho muttered, softly. "I expect ho will follow mo to East Melbourne, and find out whore I live, but ho shan't if 1 can help it." Tl:o:'o v.-as no one in the carriage except himself, on which he felt a sense of relief, for lie was hi tteit humor which comes on men sometimes of talking to himself. "Murdered in a cab," ho said, lighting a fresh cigarette, and blowing a cloud of smoke. "A romance in real life, which beats Miss Bradclon hollow. There is one thing certain, ho won't como between Madgo nnd me again. Poor Madge!" with an impatient sigh. "If sbo only knew all, thoro would not bo .much r.hauco of our marriage; but -she} can never fiud out, and I don't suppose any! one else ever will." • • Hero n sudden thought struck him, andj rising out of his seat, he walked to the other end of the carriage and threw himself on the j cushions, a i : if desirous of escape from him- < self. "What grounds can that man have for- suspecting me'/" ho said aloud. "No onoi knows I was with Whyto on that night, and j tho police can't possibly bring forward any • evidence to show that I was. Pshaw!" hei went on, impatiently buttoning up his coat. "I am like a child, afraid of my shadow—the fellow on tho pier is only some one out for a breath of fresh air, as he said himself—I am quite safe." All the samo ho did not feel easy in his mind, and when tha train arrived at the Melbourne station he stepped out onto tho; platform with a shiver and a quick look round, r.s if ho expected to feel the detective's hand on his shoulder. Ho saw no one,, however, at all like the man ho had met on the St. Kilda pier, and with a sigh of relief, left tho station. Mr. Gorby, however, was on tho watch, r.'.xl followed him at a safe dis- tanco along tho platform. Brian loft the station and walked slowly along Flinders street, apparently in deep thought. When ho got to Russell street ho taraed up there, and did not atop until ho camo close to the Burke and Wills monument, in tho very placo whero the cab had stopped oa the night of Whyte's murder. "Ah!" said the detective to himself, as ho stood in tho shadow ou tho opposite side of tho street. "You're going to have a look at it, aroyoul I wouldn't, if I were you—it's dangerous." Fitzgerald stood for a few minutes at the corner and thou walked up Collins street. When ho got to tho cab stand, opposite the Melbourne club, still suspecting ho was followed, he hailed a hansom and drove away in tho direction of Spring street. Gorby was rather perplexed at this sudden move, but without delay he hailed another cab and told tho driver to follow the first till it stopped. "Two can play at that game," he said, settling himself back in the cab, "and I'll get; tho better of you, clever as you are—and you 1 are clever," he went on in a tone of admiration, as he looked round tho luxurious hansom, "to choose such a convenient place for • a murder; no disturbance and plenty of time for escape after you had finished; it's, a pleasure going after a chap like you instead of men who tumble down like ripe fruit, and ain't got any brains to keep their crime quiet." While tho detective thus soliloquized his cab, following on the trail of the other, had turned down Spring street and was being- stopped at the corner of Collins street! and Gorby saw him alight and dismiss his cab-* man. He then walked down the street and disappeared into the Treasury gardens. "Confound it," said the detective, as begot out and paid his fare, which was not by any means a light one, but over which he had no time to argue, "we've como in a circle, and 1 do believe ho lives in Powlett street, after all." He went into the gardens, and saw Brian some distance ahead of him, walking rapidly. It was bright moonlight, and ho could easily distinguish Fitzgerald by his light, doat. He left the tardens by the end gate. Then he went along Hie Wellington parade, and turned up Powlott street, whero he stopped at a house near Cairns' Memorial church, much to Mr. Gorby's relief, who, being, liko Hamlet, "fat and scant of breath," found himself rather exhausted. He kept well in the shadow, however, and saw Fitzgerald givo ono final look around before ho disappeared into tho house. Then Mr. Gorby, liko the Robber Captain in "AH Baba," took careful stock of the houso, and fixed its locality and appearance well in his mind, as he intended" to call at it on the morrow. "What I'm going to do," he said, as ho walked slowly back to Melbourne, "is to seo his landlady when he's out, and find out what timo he came in on the night of tho murder. If it fits into tho tune ho got out of Eankin's cab I'll get out a wan-ant, and arrest him straight off." (To be Continued.) Back numbers of this story will bo furnished to subscribers ou application. BILL NYE lOWEHS HIM, tHE EIFFEL TOWER, THE ASSENT TRUNK AND THE GENIUS. A man who has practiced medicine for 40 years, ought Jto know salt from sugar: read what he says: TOLEDO, 0.,Jan. 10,1887. Messrs. F. J. Cheney & Co.—Gentlemen:—I have been in the general prac lice of medicine for most 40 years, and would say that in all my practice and experience havo never seen a preparation thai I could perscribe with as much confidence of success hs I can Hall's Catarrh Cure, manufactured by you. Have prescribed it ii great many times and its effect is wonderful, and would say in conclusion that I have yet to find a case of Catarrh that I would not cure, if they would take it according to directions. Yours Truly, L. L. GOKSUCH, M. D. Office 215, Summit St. We will give $100 for any case of Catarrh that cannot be cured with Hall's Catarrh Cure. Taken internally. F. J. CHENEY &Co., Props., Toledo O. E2TSold by Druggists, 75c. 51—54. He—How can you defend yourself? Why did you go on encouraging me? I didn't know you were married. She—But I-didn't know you were single. Don't storm the system as you would a fort. If held by the enemy, constipation, gently persuade it to surrender with DeWitt's Little Early Risers. These little pills are wonderful convincers. Robby—How did the Sphinx get the credit for being so wise, papa? Mr. N'orris—By keeping his mouth shut for three thousand years. It is one of the curosities of natural history that a horse enjoys his food most when he hasen't a bit in his mouth. '.'•. DeWitt's Sarsaparilla cleanses the blood, increases the appetite and tones: up the system. It has benefltted many people who have suffered from blood disorders. It will help you. , •the Peculiar Seiuntlon (if Itetng Up lit the World—Advantage* of Arriving nt Chicago Over New York—Don't Try to He Too Mnoh of «i Genhm. (Copyright, 18B1, by Kdgar W. Nyc.1 HOTEL RICHELIEU, i CHICAGO, November. f It Is pretty well settled now, I think, that the World's fair is to have n tower which will make that of Mr. Eiffel took stunted. The tower will be over 100 feet higher than the Paris tower, and will have a flagstaff on the top, surmounting which will bo a \veather vane representing a human face pointed toward Paris, with its thumb to its nose and the fingers fluttering in the air. The Keystone Bridge company is to do the job, using the French ideas with American improvements. It is said that this tower will stand for years, no doubt, after the big fair has gone and the popcorn and other booths have been removed. Its earning capacity will greatly exceed that of the French tower, which shows how the Yankee mind has, with all its love of art and vertu, a frugal twist to it. « , 1 remember very well spending an entire afternoon working my way to the top of the Eiffel tower and the entire evening in getting back again. It was as difficult as it is to become a thirty- second degree Mason while your family is having the measles. The Eiffel tower was .-supplied with several rival elevators, and one had to change cars several times. As one proceeded upward he encountered the same size of crowd, but with less rolling stock to handle it, so that when he got up to where the employees had to wear the heaviest topcoats even in the heat of summer, the traveler had to stand and shiver for hours in line with others, as he would at the postoffice or the bos office of my great drama. I spent an evening in the Eiffel tower once, dining in the cafe which gave upon the Trocadero. Mr. Eiffel dined there that evening. He is a very hand some man of fifty, perhaps, with wavy, silvery hair and a very elegant manner, which he has acquired by studying carefully the etiquette of Americans who visit Paris. The venerable father of the Panama canal and other works was dining there also. He was then eighty years of age, but straight and strong, apparently, as a Georgia pine. The Paris tower was tall enough for me, and no additional height would be necessary so far as I am concerned. Imagine yourself at a height of about two miles in the air, with a republic and several empires at your feet, while the platform 011 which you stand is swaying backward and forward with an oscillation of seventeen feet, and with the dull and distant roar of the inclined railways which ran up the legs of the tower, and ment or smnethltig; of that kind. Evidently they had decided to make ft present of a new shovel to one'of their number, and BO, fta they steadily threw the* soil up on tho bank, carefully looking the other w«y» they were covering up by degrees a handsome new shovel* owned by the contractor. At eventide I suppose they went and got it out. We are all prone to consider the effect of all our moves upon our own future, even while looking for light and trying to bo*governed by the purest motives. A little boy whose papa was a clergyman was asked by a neighbor once if his father had decided to accept a call to preach at Minneapolis at an advance of $300 per year salary. The lad said ha did not know. His father was praying for light, but most of the things were packed. It is so too often with all of us. We try to be governed by the purest motives, but how often we ask for divine guidance while packing our things! IN THE DiNING CAR. Chicago has several distinct advantages over New York which strike a traveler at once. One of them is tho rapidity with which one gets his baggage in Chicago. When you land in New York or approach the city a well informed and talented gentleman carrying a large mass of echoing brasses on a big wire key ring goes through your train with a little memorandum book and agrees to transfer your luggage to your home or hotel before you can possibly get there yourself. You have rashly agreed to get married on your arrival, perhaps, or you may have accepted, an invitation -to be present at a large dinner where you will make a few spontaneous, typewritten remarks. So when this able and thoroughly well informed baggage checker man takes your check and your address you heave a sigh of relief and begin to drink in the picturesque beauties of Elizabeth and Jersey City, those beautiful abodes of wealth and beauty, and with joy yon sniff the rich aroma from the bone works along your route. -You A Sample Copy of St. Louis Life,a finely illustrated funny paper, and a beautiful water-color paint; ing for the parlor. Send ten cents |n stamps to ST. Lotus LIFE, 4-16 506 Oliver St., ! St. Louis, Mo. , driven rapidly along the Wellington parade', in the direction of East Melbourne. It then • turned up Powlett street, at which Mr. Gorby exulted. "Aia't so clover as I thought," he said to. himself. "Shows his nest right off, without 1 any attempt to hide it." The detective, however, had reckoned, without his host, for the cab in front kept) driving on, through an interminable maze of '. streets, unfil it seemed as if Brian was determined never to stop the whole night. "Look 'ere, sir!" cried Gorby's cabman, looking through hia trapdoor hi the roof of j tha hansom, " 'ow long's this 'ere game a-goin 1 to larst i My 'oss is Jiuocked up, 'e is, laid 'is- blessed old legs a.-giviu' away under 'im!" "(sQonl go on!" answered the detective, impatiently; "I'll pay you well." The cabman's spirits were raised by this, and by dint of coaxing aud a liberal use oft , be managed to get bis jaded borao "" were ' alter a»d ito a pretty good by both cabs FOP BALE : EVERYWHERE ON THE EIFFEL TOWER. th« solemn rumble of the other elevators, the rush of the wind past your face and the chill of the thin air about you, with here and there a nice cool cloud in sight, and you may have a very fair idea of how one felt on the tower of '89. Chicago, however, could not calmly sit down and say: "We will let it go that way. Your hand is good. Take the ante and everything else." It would not be like her. So she will build a tower the flagpole of which will extend 1,120 feet into the sky. Elevators will run from the bottom to the top without change of cars, and have an immense carrying capacity, so that those who wish to ascend will not have to wait long for the opportunity. The tower will have a seating capacity of 25,000 people, and there will be a large number of spirited restaurants of the English, French, German, Italian and American style. The prices have not been fixed yet, nor the menus printed, but they will probably be high enough to please those who have been Jiving at Delmonico's for the past few years. The extreme top platform will be occupied by well known speakers from abroad, who will make a few remarks. Mr. Sam Jones has been spoken to regarding this matter. He will be followed by several potentates, who will •peak on important questions, interspersed by music, brief addresses by the president of the United States and Marshall P. Wilder. Each elevator will be able to carry fifty people at a high rate of speed, enabling the tourist to feel that delightful sensation at the pit of the stomach which, ne does when his ocean steamer falls out from beneath his feet for a moment and he is temporarily deprived of tht» use of his two dollar luncheon, while hia stomach feels as it might if it bad suddenly resigned. singula feel assured that when you get to your ion or yonjr chocolate colored flat in One Hundred and Thirty-ninth street your trunk will be on the stoop with a glad welcome and one hinge waiting for you. But after several bitter experiences in this way you finally give it up and yield to despair. I d» not know how many happy weddings have been broken off by the Express and Transfer and G-eneral Mephistopheles association, of New York, or how many impromptu speeches have died in the bosom of the typewriter because of this great incorporated disappointment company. . Once I got my trunk on time, but my wife did not. We were to go together somewhere, for we were not then posted regarding New York customs. So we Wfcre to go together. It was an evening affair, and it was full dress. I wanted to wear iny full dress, for I had a nice new suit with embroidery down the side of the leg. It waa my first effort in evening dress and I was perishing to try it, but my wife said nay. It would be very rude and de trap to wear evening togs when she appeared in a street dress. So I relented and went in short coat with hectic necktie and mingled with those who were clad in the severest evening dress throughout. No one knows how many hearts have bled over these sickening delays and disappointments. I remained a month in New York at that time hoping for another invitation which would necessitate evening toilet, but no one asked me out. In Chicago the railways come almost into the center of the city on the north, west and south, and when you have bathed your features, and looked under the bed for a burglar, and rummaged the drawers of the dressing case for forgotten hosiery and the bric-a-brao of departed guests, the porter knocks softly at your door and wheels in on a rubber tired truck your welcome trunk. It is a very great comfort and delight. Last week J met a man on the train who got even with me in a way I despise. He had been my guest once at home for a week, and I certainly tried to make it pleasant for him during that time. He remained at the house aa much the proprietor as I was. He got up when he felt like it in the morning, and his breakfast was ready for him. We saved out the tender corner of the steak for him, and though we didn't always like to do it, we refused the second joint of the fowl because we knew he liked it and his nerves were not quite strong, being sort of a genius—the Idnd of genius that does not think it has to be responsible; the kind of intellectual child wonder that ignores the dull de- t$il of receipted bills and a just equivalent to people who have no genius. You, have seen such A genius, ft exists in every profession. He is the kind of man who walks over the prostrate bodies of his friends and regards his wife as a misguided feeing who has been mercifully permitted to stand around and admire h»m and reach up under his vest for a &ray suspender that he can- tfStf <k hoid'of.' H« do& up* JjsWUbiw ftetf amenable to the laws which govern bete nob el commonplace people. He has been spoiled by a little notice i paper, and should be bedded down night with barley straw and fed on com in the ear. G-enius is n good thing, eto I am told, and I do not despiso it myself, but when it is made to take the place of common decency and snaps its fingers at friendship, I would rather not Bee any signs of It in my children. This man was one whose work I had admired. I could not see how his heaifc ednld be otherwise than pure ana unselfish. His words had called up the tenderness whioh is common in tfie- hearts of all, even in the coarse nature of the funny man. I read his beautiful lines, and I said to myself: "Here is one whose so.ul is all aglow with divine sunshine. He lives in a perpetual Indian- summer of gladness, and the birds and the angels love to associate with him." His soul was all aglow with sunshine •when things went his way, but when they did. not it was aglow with a red reflection from the great coke works wherfr the worm dieth not and the fire de-» partment is an ignominious failure. I would not advise a tender, trusting girl to marry a genius liko that. Marry a- plain, openfaced mechanic who is willing to submit to tho laws which govern, humanity in general, rather than the spoiled pet of a pelt hunting public which adores at a distance and despises at short range. Select one who is willing to give blow for blow, smile for smile and dollar for dollar wherever he goes; a man who does not live in the artificial warmth of a silly adoration, who is not perpetually yearning for another curtain .call, whose morbid and boundless appetite for praise takes at a gulp the simple devotion of a wife and children and howls for more and more. Very few men of unusual ability and genius are firm friends or domestic sac- cesses. Why is it? In my judgment it is for the simple reason that in the matter of praise they finally get to preferring quantity rather than quality. They would rather get a column of the most obvious rot than a paragraph of genuine indorsement. They need it by the bale and so they must fill up on the cheap and non-nutritious taffy of strangers, when if their taste had not been destroyed by gorging, a valuable simile from a valued friend would go farther than the ringing applause of a thoughtless multitude. I saw my gifted friend last week, and somehow as we rode along on the train it seemed to occur to him that he ought to "get eve'li with" me in some way for past hospitalities. I did not look at ifc in that way, but he did. So he asked me to dine with him—ou a buffet car. We had tomato soup—canned; pickled lamb's tongues — tinned; Bert's justly celebrated Belgian crackers, canned pudding and revised coffee. (He had waited till we crossed the line and got into a state where no liquors are sold.) .Then we had a cigarette, anil.his obligation to me as a host was wiped out". Genius is a good thing, but if it should break out in my family I think I would • call in ;s> doctor before it got much of a start. All the way from , Edgar A. Poe to Blind Tom the history of genius has been clouded by ingratitude, domestic infelicity and cruelty. Let us each and every one, as we crouch around our own firesides to eat popcorn and Spitzbargen apples of mediocrity, remember that there is a sweet and beau tiful flavor to a square and, yet uneventful life which the pampered children or abnormal and overgrown talent never know. Just tho Party. Editor— We want an assistant to take •barge of the children's column of our magazine. His English must be choice and untainted with any of our modern •lang. Applicant (enthusiastically)— I'm just the huckleberry you're looking forl— Life. _ ___ Why He Was WrotU. Mr. Openheart— It's dreadful the way your paper pries into matters it has no business to meddle with! The idea- of putting my subscription to the charity fund in print. Why, I wouldn't hav& had it made public for the world. It appears as though I was fishing for notoriety, Editor— I'm very sorry, Mr. Open- aeart, but I- "Besides, it wasn't five dollars I gave; it was twenty-five."— Boston News. at Health. Tramp— Thankee kindly, inuxu; I'd no hope of gettin sich a fine supper today, num. May heaven bless ye! Housekeeper — As you've had a good •upper, I think you might chop some wood. "Yes,, mum, but you know the old adage, 'After dinner supper walk a mile.' rest awhile; after I'll walk the mum."— Good News. bery will stick oat »t Patriotic even **<* people. Being a genius, he, tbraa wwww* Brutally } Maudr-Why do y«u wear a drew at this time jn tho, afternoon, papa? Paterwl- aw going to a 5 o'clock wi(& you? motjwr. 8hs said sfce would be .ready iufivfl minutes* It is »pw 4#P'~ ">»b» r*ady at aljwtfe& 1**?* ,-~JS«w ¥«a* 88*

Get full access with a Free Trial

Start Free Trial

What members have found on this page