The News Tribune from Tacoma, Washington • 68

THE NEWS TRIBUNE SL-2 Ask Beth Rape victims teach why means wants to belong to a group that requires a very high price for membership: All have been are women forever bonded not by our choice but by the choice of others to take from us our precious begins the creed written by one of its members Another young victim penned a heartbreaking prase poem that says in part 1 dm trust I nave been abused and I can no longer trust There are those who know it all and there are those who don't Nobody quite understands No one understands my words I am so confused and I atill can't understand WHY ME? Why did it happen to The giris desperately want to help their classmates undostand Speaking to the English dass one recent morning reassured than they were on the right track After the dismissal bell rang some boys came up to the girls to talk know three of these girls and I didn't know said Adolfo Morales 17 Wide eyes told his shock 1 didn't realize how this can affect you Jaime Posada 17 admits he was recently in a situation in which the girl said no and he re Going public helps heal the abused educate other students at Florida school Jm VfiCIMM-SlMKZ Kjsght Rpoer Newshwers MIAMI Head bowed the teenage girl trudges to the front of the class She looks up long enough to catch a classmate's eyes Then she begins in a tremulous voiceto recount the beginning of a horrible chapter in her life My whispers the girl "raped me whilehis cousin raped my Stunned silence Some students stare ahead a few shift uncomfortably in their seats as she proceeds to detail the night -and the consequences The two young mm are in jail now but the teenager isfoar and mistrust have not been so easily remedied The giri is followed by other students all classmates who have encountered violence on a date One recounts how she was assaulted on the floor of a Chevrolet Suburban was so surprised this was happening to she tells the spellbound English class at Southridge High School in south Dade County Fla guy was a shrimp compared to Another giri raped by a boy she was skipping school with: still get flashbacks Some people say you look for it No you don't Some people say it cant happen to them It can" After the presentations each of the girls leaves tearyneyed One sobs inconsolably and rushes to the waiting arms of a classmate It takes her several minutes to calm down More than 20 strong these high school girls at Southridge have formed a club nobody months ago Southridge trust counselor Susan Doudia noticed a frightening trend inher other counseling groups Several of the girls revealed they had been assaulted -some py boyfriends others hy relatives She brought them together and one of them came up with the idea of WAR Women Against Rape as both a support and education group The girls are now on a mission: to let boys who attend school with them understand how violence can forever affect life Tb this purpose five of the girls are speaking to classes about their experiences takes a lot of guts to come up here and say says Doucha who has been a counselor for 13 years "Many don't tell a soul They are so ashamed Some don't say any- thing until yean later A few pursue criminal Research conducted since the 1980s has shown that teen dating violence -r from vocal abuae to harsher physical and sexual acts such as reqre-may be mare prevalent than expected StudieTcZhidi echoed and college students have reported rates of dating violence ranging from 12 percent to 65 percent On av-erage about one-third of high school students are or have been involved in an abusive dafc- ing relationship Only a few of those end the re-' latjonship as soon as the abuse begins went part ofthis Doucha adds is the violation of trust The person who did this to them is somebody they trusted So if you cant trust that person then who can you That theme threads through the twice-monthly sessions and in the essays the girls have written: spected her wishes I told my buddies they said I was stupid They said I was he says shaking his head I have dose friends who are girls and I wouldn't want that to happen to -For Terrence Williams the girirf revelation was a real education Though he says he won't do anything unless a girl wants to he usually stops bemuse he bin getting in trouble "Now I know how much it can hurt them for a long he says "I have two This is precisely the type of reaction Doucha wanta "Some boys think the girl is just playing hard to get Sane just fed iththotheyYe stranger Wait They need to realise that no means no That tones miQOM nuui Teens may hate it but parents must set limits Dear Beth: Why do parents think they can stop you from liking someone who is older? They cant tell you how to fed -Parents Don't Know Dear Parents Know Somegiria are too young to have older boyfriends For example if you are 12 or 13 and the boy is 16 or 17 you an too young to go out good for parents to aet clear limits Parents control their feelings but they can make sure that kids are in supervised situations until they are old enough to take care of themselves Mart teens hate to be told what they can or cannot do When they get older however they often say they were glad that their parents had rules because it -showed thrir parents cared what happened to them -lUk to your parents more about their intentions It might help you to see that they really against you but are just concerned Dear Beth: I'm 13 and my boyfriend and I just broke up He told my friend that he only went out with me because all my friends were bothering him to go out with me and that he dumped me because he never really loved me I always thought he did because he told me so a couple of times He also smiled and looked at me slot How do I move on? Should I stay friends with him? -Heartbroken Dear Heartbroken: It is painfrd to find out that a person you like doesn't feel as strongly as you da even harder when you find it out from someone else Many kids your age aren't realty ready to get involved with anyone yet They get encouraged by other kids because everyone is making a big deal about it or they want to try it out People mature at different ages and girls frequently are more interested in relationships earlier than guys Guys often experiment by going out a lot before they are really ready to be dose with a girlfriend A lot of girls do this too in the beginning Don't feel you are unlikable He -wouldn't have chosen you to go out with ifhe didn't like you I think he just wasn't ready for real closeness It often helps to get over someone by talking to thorn about what happened If you can get up the nerve tell him you wished talked to you in person about why he didn't want to go out anymore You could say something like 1 know you probably fidtimdly awkward saying Bomberman 64 is a multi-player blast super stomp 9 Croc rocks Web site: wwwinorinteractivexom Bravo Mr Race ($3995 THQ) makes a lot of other racing games seem boring one thing to race around a track in a car but try zipping through canyons tunnels caves and narrow city streets in a World War II fighter plane The Japanese Zero Fighter the German Messerscnmitt the American Mustang and several other vintage fighters as well as some contemporary stunt planes all are selectable racing craft One player can race a computer plane or two players can race each other The fast and fiuioua action can be viewed from just behind the planes or from inside the cockpits One of the few games (the only one on the 1 PlayStation) centered on racing airplanes Bravo Air Race is a terrific gear-shift from the norm Web site: wwwthqcom Bill Hutchens' electronic entertainment column is published in YAP every Saturday His game reviews also appear on TRIBnet site at http: 1 1 www tribnetcom news video I and you con reach him via e-mail at wrhptrib-netcom or by snail mail at The News THbune PO Box 11000 Thcoma WA 98411 Bomberman 64 ($4995 Nintendo) for the Nintendo 64 offers some of the most frantic multi-player action around Up to four players can get into the bomb-tossing fracas in this updated version of what has become one of the most popular multiple-partidpant properties of all time VideoGames BuHncms Several different arenas and many different kinds of bombs (pump-up bombs time bombs remote bombs mega-bombs etc) encourage players to employ strategy while mov- ing carefully and quickly New in Bomberman 64 is the single-player adventure mode The evil Altair is using the Omni Cube to drain the energy from Planet Bomber Players must use their brains and their bomba to work through 24 levels full of mniuiajL -1 1 a HM mnovanve purrioa aim rent aimue wcd wtc dress: wwwnintendoxom Croc: legend ofttwBofabos ($3995 Fox Interactive) gets my vote for best nonsequel i game of the year new hero Croc has all the gorgeous graphic detail of Crash Bandicoot highlighted by the free-roaming exploratory feel of Super Mario 64 Croc the reptilian protagonist can run jump climb and swim through 40 large pus-zle-filled 3-D levels His objective is to rescue the cute cuddly little Gobbos creatures (ruled you didn't want to go out but I would have felt that you respected my feelings more if you told me ON THE COVER Bombennan 64 is afl about you guessed It bombs Nothing pacifist here with pump-up bombs time bombs remote bombs megabombs etc by King Rufus the lactose Intolerant) from the evil giant Baron Dante and his band of Dan-tinis Silly colorful cartoon sequences melt seamlessly into the richly colored game play environments and Croc has a whole bag full of secret moves including the tail swipe and the It probably change anything but may help you move on if you can express some of your feelings to him Be friends with him if you like him as a person But wait until gotten over the hurt and any anger you might fed toward him Problems? Concerns? Questions? If you would like help write to: Beth co Los Angeles Times Syndicate Times Mirror Square Los Angeles CA 90063 A student volunteer Pacific Lutheran University sophomore Melissa Montgomery feeds fish at Point Defiance Zoo Aquarium YAP Page 3 (photo: Russ CarmackThe News Tribune).