Evening Standard from London, Greater London, England • 23

FRIDAY 5 FEBRUARY 1988 23 EVENING STANDARD STANDARD If the nose fits wear it For light relief CARIS DAVIS visits the office that has masterminded attack of national silliness predictable slew of sponsored men in tutus marathon joke-ins kiss sales rap-dancing youth-clubbers pie-throwing firemen bed-pushing nurses art students climbing rocks on pavements odd-sock-wearing hairdressers and miscellaneous loonies running round Battersea Park dressed as fish Or so Comic Relief the people who dreamed up Plan Red Nose in a dingy Soho office last September say know half the things that are organiser Wendy admits as it's discovered that an immense consignment of French red noses has disappeared somewhere between W12 and Dover are just going out and doing The Comic Relief like Band Live and Sports Aid before it constitutes the closest we Brits ever get to mass-hysteria For details of Comic Relief programming on BBC1 which starts at 735pm tonight see page 32 Details of how to make your contribution will be featured throughout the broadcasts Alternatively make a donation directly through your local Oxfam or Girobank both of whom have details on how to contribute Or you can send your contribution direct to: The Comic Relief Office BBC Kensington House Richmond Way W14 0AX 4 But how can we know that the proceeds from the handicapped hamster race will ultimately find their way to Ethiopia amid the total chaos today engenders? get real There is obviously a deep-seated collective urge around this time of year to let off steam and cock a collective snook at our masters in the name of charity Rather than incur the undying ill-will of the entire population the powers-that-be should just give in gracefully Declare 5 February an annual Red Nose Day let organisers Charity Projects give the monies raised to the Third World then rechannel our overseas aid budget into tackling our own appalling like the NHS Me? spend tonight reading Anatomy Of Melancholy But zonk my conk be damned if I do it red-nosed i Total madness: London under siege Not from strikes bombs hurricanes or hallucinogen-crazed Militant Tendency lesbian aboriginal fire-bombers No The perpetrators are people in red noses hit rock-bottom says Wendy Robinson as she simultaneously attempts to answer two telephones check a computer screen read a message handed over by an assistant and talk to me lorry turned up with 60000 red noses from Taiwan The only thing Since January red noses have been streaming into temporary normally the domain of four BBC TV from Nebraska Holland Hongkong and Bangkok More than three million noses have already been imported from France Portugal and Italy The Brit nose market it seems dried up long ago Still this international nose-run does give Londoners a chance to pick their own with a clear conscience And created opportunities for nose-dealers to clean up: London cabbie Tommy Tucker has sold 3000 in the past week just have any more" Wendy says trying to get Blue Peter to show people how to make their own out of egg-boxes and ping-pong balls and hoping send in their 50p Behaviour Today more than a million Londoners will get their noses to the grindstone for a full-on crash-hot and totally unprecedented public display of the sort of behaviour we do best The sort of behaviour usually charitably described by baffled foreigners as We are talking about an N13 butcher dealing off the slab in full drag (with red nose) An 18-year-old bank telephonist from Acton posing for her wedding wearing a red nose A city dealing room will be hedging the commodity markets wearing their underpants outside their trousers and red noses A market research unit travels the Central Line wearing yes right British Rail will tell jokes over the tannoy (many would claim been at it for years) Gasfitters accountants Burton shop staff Wimpy crews and West End ONE-DAY CLEARANCE SALE TO MAKE ROOM FOR NEW LINES SATURDAY FEB 6TH 9 am-6 pm 1 19 HIGH ROAD EAST FINCHLEY LONDON N2 TEL: 01-883 4364 I Fwnlnr standard features staff (clockwise from bottom left) Weef JUr "Wort Krtr school-dinner ladies will all bered-noalnglikemad IM15CHER rC I.