Springfield News-Sun from Springfield, Ohio • Page 3

mjMiJam csiWMisSMtMS spfpl! HEPfUBUO, SATUHDAY EVElfiyG 34188e m-JJ I. 1111111s at 'II Wiii l-w- WW Mm WW MUM ii lln ilMWpi li mi li nt.m ya nnm.i jlfi-'iim i mf iBi i-i ininn e.1mttfS?tfr?rVf, TV. J- HE9K. i e-rr- -XrfMEraeK -L- "-v "WF te t- fff fft 1 i BILL NYE ON J. Make a lew Interesting dumm-uls tin the l'lar.

The Ja of "Julius Cawsir," hlch ha Un at tbe Arailcm of Mmlc thi nf luts made a great hit. llirs. liootli nn.l RinvU very wisely J-Ml the if it snconlol Iutu it would Jo well anyhro. If tlie ln-oplc of yew York, like a play nut say mi it is almost sure to rlxru here. Jutiins ly thiii U-st "thorilay of "Julius ha a slotting future abcail of It.

It was written ly llcutlo-lnon llaron and HoniH-Hj-, who tos-rtlierou it, lb? liiHsond plot, Bacon furuUhotl thefi'ilirr anJ Dotiuclly called attention to it through too papers. The Kvnt) of "Jnliu is laiil in Homo, jut Iicfore the railroad was completed to tint jilacu. In order to understand the play iUelf wo must f-laueo briefly at the. lead-in; characters which are introduced and upon ulioui iu success largely depends. Julius Cajrar OouriJied coiw.U-rably from 100 to 44 II.

when a committee of 'rrpro-teutativo citizens and projwrtv owners of lvoiiw called upon him, and on behalf of tho jxple besscd leave to him as a marl of esteem. Ho as stabbed twenty-three times between l'omjiey' 1'illarand 11 o'clock, many of which were mortal. This account of tbe assassination is taken from localjiaiier, and is graphic, succinct and lacks tlic sensational Elements so commou and lamentable in our own time. Casar was the implacable foo of tho aristocracy, and refused to wear a plug bat ur. to tho day of his death.

Sulla once said, i. ore Catr had made much of a showing, t' at some day this young man would be the niin of the aristocracy, and twenty years afterward, when Caesar sacked, aisassmated and holocausted a whole seminary for saying "eytther" and the old settler recalled what Sulla had said. Cesar continued to eat pie with a knife and in many other ways to endear himself to the masses until 0. li. when ho ran for Afterward he was alile, during the term of which office he sought to introduce a number of new games and to extend tho limit on some of tho older ones.

From this to tho senate was but a step. In C2, B. be went to Spain as propne- tor, intending to write a book about the anii people and their customs as soon as ho got back, but ho was so busy on his return that be did not hare time to do so. C-sar was a powerful man with the people, and while in the senate worked hard for his constituents, while other senators were having their photographs taken. lie went into the army when the war broke out, and after killing a great many people, against whom ho Lo certainly could not havo had anything personal, he returned, he dod by the Ilomo silver cornet band, and leadin- a procession over two miles in length.

It was at thistimethathewas tendered a crown just as ho was Kissing the city hall, but thrice ho refused it. After each refusal tho eople applauded and encored him till ho had to refuse it again. It is at about this time that the play opens. Caesar had just arrived on a tpucklul courser and dismounted ouuidothe nr.AD or the puocessiox. town.

lie ctimes in at the head of the procession, with the understanding that tho crown is to be offered him just as he crossed over to the court houso. Hero Cassius and Urutus meet, and Cas-sjus tries to make a mugwump of Brutus, so that they can organize a new movement. Mr. Edwin Booth takes the character of Brutus and Mr. Lawrence Barrett takes that of Cassius.

I would not waut to take tho character of Cassius myself, even if I hail run short of character and needed somo very much indeed, but Mr. Barrett takes it cud docs it first rata Mr. Booth also plays Brutus so that old settlers here say it seems almost like having Brutus hero among us again. In act 4 Brutus sits up late reading a story by E. P.

lloe, and just as ho is iu the most exciting part of it the ghost of the assassinated Cxsar appears and states that it will meet him with hard gloves at I'hilippi. Brutus looks bored, and says that he is in no condition, but the ghost leaves it that way, and Brutus looks still more bored ti.l tho g'jost goes out through a white oak door without opening it. At Philippi Brutus sees that there is no hope of police interference, and so before time is called he inserts his sword into his being and dies, while tho jxlite American audience puts on its overcoat and goes out, looking over its shoulder to see that Brutu? does not tako advantage of this moment, while tho people ore guiug away, to resuscitate himself. Booth and Barrett have tho makings of good actors in them. I met both of these gentlemen in Wyoming some years ago.

Wo metly accident. They were going to California and I was coming back. By some oversight we had both selected the same track, and wo were thrown together. I do uot know whether they will recall my faco or not. I was riding oa the sleejier truck at the time of the accident.

I ahvnys tako a sleeper, and always did. I rode on the truck lause I didnt want to rido insido tho car and havo to associate with a wealthy porter vrho looked -down upon me. I am the man who was found down tho creek tho next day gathering wild ferns and murmuring, "Where am If The play of "Julius Casar" is one which brings out tho meanness and magnetism of Cassias, and emphasizes the mistaken patriotism of Brutus. It is full of pathos, duplicity, assassination, treachery, erroneous loyalty, suicide, hypocrisy and all tho intrigue, jcal-ousj-, cowardice and deviltry which characterized the politics of fifty years B. but which now, thanks to the enlightenment and refinement which twenty centuries have brought, are known no more forever.

Let us not forget, as we enter upon tho year 1SSS, that it is a presidential year, and that all ncrifiroiiy will bo buried under the dew and tho daisies, and that, no matter how high jorty spirit may run, there will bo no jer-soual enmity. Bill Nye in New York World. HIS TURKISH BATH. A Modest Man Take a Oeutle Dig at Oriental Lnxorr. Gentle reader, have you ever bathed! Turkish bathed 1 I wot not.

I have, woe is me, and I am now a sadder and a cleaner man. If this article, which is meant to bo doliciously light and playful, appears to you to bo fraught with an underlying varicose vein of gloom, do not hastily pass it by, but remember that it's in the interest of science. I havo dallied with tho luxury cf the Orient (so called). Also remember that I havo contracted a deep, sonorous cold, which will in all probability fondly nestle in my bosom till my ulster blooms again. Tho preliminaries of the Turkish bath are simple.

You pay fl at tbe door and pass into the "coolinc room." where tbe mercurv rt JCWH. I If Lis 1 1 registers IU degs. lueappropriatenessorthu title does not burst upon you until you have visited the inner shrino, where the temperature is up near tbe boiling point. In tbo "cooling room" ypu are privileged to deposit your valuables in a safe. I did not avail myself of this boon, however, for reasons of I' a purely prirato nature, out passea at once into the "disrobing room." This room war' not so large as to appear droary, nor yet small as some I have lodged in on the Bower, but was about 7x4.

Tbofumituro wassimplr yet chaste, consisting of a chair and a bras! I and comb long post their prime. Tho comb was chained to tho wall, but tho brush was permitted to roam at wilL Hastily divesting myself of sealskins, jaegers and pano plies of rank, I arranged them in a neat pilo in the center of the room and placed tho chair upon them. This simple precaution 1 have learned to practice when occupying a room separated from iu fcllons by low partitions. Your neighbor may be a disciple of Izaak Walton, and during your sleep or absence may take a cast over tho artition with hook and line. What could be mors cmliarrassiug than to havo one's trousers thus surreptitiously removed I am a lover of the "gent la art" myself, but I am over loath to played for a sucker.

I was now ushered into the "hot room," where a number of gentlemen were lolling ubout and perspiring affably and fluently. Being of a timid, shrinking nature, I toinewliat cmlKirrassed on entering a room thus filled with strangers, and tbe more so as I realized that my costume was too bizarre and striking for one of my willowy "proportions. So I flung myself with an affectation of easy grace Uon marble divan, but immediately arose therefrom wit a vivid blush and a largo blister. I then sat upon a "Wth-ing chair until I camo to a boil, when I rose up and endeavored to alleviate my sufferings by restlessly pacing the room. A few towels were scattered about, and as the nimble chamois leaps from crag to crag, so leaped I from toel to towel in my efforts to keep my feet off tho red hot floor.

Having basked in this room until I was quito aglow, I summoned tho attendant and told him he coul take me out at once or waitycta little longer and rcmovo mo through a hose. I then passed into tho "manipulating room," where I was laid out on an unelastic marble slab like a "found drowned" at tho morgue, and was taken in liand by a muscular attendant, who proceeded to manipulato me with great violence. Ho began uixm my chest, upon which ho pressed until he lifted his feet off the floor and my shoulder blades made dents in the marble. I mildly asked if it was absolutely necessary that my respiratory organs should be thus flattened, to which he replied, with a rich Turkish accent: "Come oil. youug fellow, I know my bin," and swooped lown ujjoii my digestive organs.

Manipulation cousists of disjointing, dismembering, bruising and rendiug limb from limb, and may healthful, bat it i not popular with me. This man said he was a pianist also, and that ho could manipulate and at tho samo time strengthen his fingers and improve his technique, cud to illustrate he struck a few resounding thcrdi iu the small of my bad and then proceeded to Interpret Wagner up and down my vertebrae, running scales, twiddling up in the treble and down in the loss, just ns if I were tho keyboard of a Steiuway grand, an illusion doubtless heightened by the ivory whiteness cf my skin. He wound up by playing that grand old show off piece, the "Battle of Prague," while I joined in with tho "Cries of tho WoundeiL" It nas a fine rendering, no doubt, but next tinio I am to bo played upon I shall ask for a soft andanto movement a Chopin uoctune, say. New York World. Never Heard of Sullivan.

Cowboy Who i3 this man Sullivan tho papers nro talking about! Omaha Man My stars! Haven't you heard of Sullivan, the great prize iightcrf "Fights, eh 1 Id like to see him." "Yes bo's knocked out more men than" "Knocked out! What's tbatP "With his fists, you know." "Groat Buffalo Bill: Who wants to bother with fists in theo days of hair triggers Omaha World. Mrlklnc Ilalance. Bagley Ha, Uagley, squaring up account for the yearl Gagley (gloomily) Yes. Bagley Hope you come out well. Gagley Well, l'vo put tlO.OuU into thv bank.

Bagley That isnt so bad. I doi't see why on look so glum. Gagley Dont eh! Why, confound it, I'va ih-atni out over 13,000. Life. A Ileclprocltj Treaty.

Old Doctor I was informed last night that your son and my daughter propose to wed if there is up objection. Wealthy Undertaker. Sol heard. Good idea ain't it! "Think sop "Yes; dont you seel It wont matter then whether you lose patients or not, the money will bo in the family." Omaha World. lrepa-nl for Anything "Does it not seem a dreadful thing to you when vou reflect that it will be many years et the most before you lio down in tho silent tonibl" said the tract distributor.

'Ob, no, no, no," said the jaded looking man; "the silent tomb, dreadful! nor "You are prepared, then, I trust, for" "Prepared! I'm prepared for anything. I'm proof reader for a comic paper." Chicago Tribune. Cold and Cla-nmy Conrratulatlont. Mrs. Sackville Why, how do you do, my dear Mrs.

Cudley! Delighted to see you. Shopping, of course I Mrs. Cudley Just a little. You know Mr. Cudley has been a little unfortunate in his business lately.

(He failed for Mrs. Sackvillo I know, but how much more you must appreciate tbiugs when you havo to pay cash. Judge. A Terrible Strain. Omaha Employer (anxiously) Does Mr.

Do Goode drink! Confidential Clerk Not a drop. "He has liecn two hours late for three mornings, and ho looks as if he had been on a terrible spree." "It's all right. On Christmas ha gave bis boy a drum.r Omaha World. The Jlatter or "Miss Hauteur," said on of the pupils of an Indiana boarding school for young ladies to the principal, want to ask you a question before wo recite." "Certainly, my dears; ask as many as you wish." "Would ono of we girls ever bo justified in using si -uigr I "You certainly would not," replied Miss Hauteur with quiet firmness. "We frequently hoar educated and cultivated pnoplo employ it in their insistod the young lady.

"That max bo onlv too true: hut It tus excuse. We cannot fall Into all the ways ITaeticed by even the vi called educated and cultivated. Foriny own part," continued tho principal, as slio sat up very straight on tho edge of tho chair and glanced at the text book she held in ber hand, and egain raising her eyes, "for my jiort I will allow the boreal blasts to nbistle through my whiskers a very long time before I will Indulge in tho use of slang." Chicago Tribune. (stray Jokes. When a man liccomea firmly convinced that ho is a genius it is then that the fringe slowly begins to form on tho luttotc of his trousers leg.

Scrantou Trutli. The man who imagines tf his existence is necessary to the movemert of tho world is generally buried iu a pins coffin without trimmings. Nebraska Stale Journal. Thomas Nast, tho caricaturist, was unable to lecture iu Ilisman-k. as it was impossible to heat the liall in which the lecture was to bo given.

It must bo a pretty cold day when Nast can't draw a house. Norristown Herald. Philadelphia lias a )arrot that prays. Send him ns a missionary among the countless profane and fallen of hit race. Martha's Vineyard Herald.

"If you saw tho man rifling your trousers," said the magistrate, to whom a citizen had complained of lacing ruhtrtxl, "why didn't you grapple with him!" "Well, you see, jour honor," said the citizen, "I wasafraidof waking up my wife, an' she's the darndest coward about burglars you i er see." The Epoch. Tho occasional contributor dropped into tho sanctum wearily. Seated at the desk was a beetle hrovwl" tramp printer. "Are you tho mnlo editorf softly inquired the visiting contributor. "Nay," answered the apparition, poising a proof slip in his delicately discolored digits.

"1 am the calf editor. Dojouv.ishto be edited!" Washington Critic. There is a restaurant waiter in Lincoln who deserves to 1m honored. A patron said to him yesterday: "Waiter, pass me those moUsscs," and ho replied, "How many!" Lincoln (Neb.) Journal. Two New York electricians have invented a flying machine.

As both of the inventors am still alive, of course they have not yet practically tested their contrivance. -Sorris-town Herald. The secret is out at last The elevated rail road guards call out the stations in Volapuk. Iew lork Tribune. A Lucky Trip.

'What havo you Iweu doing for a living lately!" asked a very tough looking citizen of a man who looked as if he might be a boon companion. "Burglarizing." "What was your last job!" "I tackled the residenco of a real estate agent last night" "Havo any luck!" "Yes; first rate." "What did you get!" "I got away without buying a house and lt" Merchant Traveler. Ont of the rrylnc Tan, Etc-Uusland (with a sigh of relief) New Year's at lost! Thank Heaven 1 No more presents to buy, no more bills to joy. No more "father, buy me this, or father, buy me that;" no more, "John, dear, can you let me have somo money, there's lots to buyf It is over. A few more days and I should have born lonkrupt But the crisis has Iassed, tho night is gone, tho morn is break- tng, the Wife (entering tho room) John, dear, tbe coal bin is emjity-Bostou Courier The Cockles of tha Heart Husband Well, my dear, have you enjoyed the Christmas holidays! Wife Oh, so much, John, and I feel so grateful to tho many dear friends who so thoughtfully remembered roe.

Ah, John, it is earth's winter time, but the glorious summer of tholicartl Husband Havo you been out to-day I Wlfi-For a llttlo -while. I went down town to dispose of somo of my duplicate Christmas gifts. New York Sun. Chanced Ills Hind. "Havo cigar, CharleyP "Don't care if I do." "Somo that my wifo gave me for a Christmas present." "Er, como to think of It, Tom, I guess I don't feel liku smoking today." Boston Transcript STORIES ABOUT MEN.

Ha Preferred a Quick Death to Blackburn's Talk. I hoard a rather interesting, though somewhat apocryphal, anecdote the other day in connection with Senator Blackburn's first canvass for congress. Blackburn, so the story goes, happened to be passing through Owcnton, the country seat of Owtm county, on the oocaJion of the hanging or a noted criminal. a hanging is a rather exceptional episode in the state of Kentucky, the candidate for congressional honors concluded he would remain in tho place a few hours and witness tho "event" The gallows was erected in the public square, so that no citizen, however bumble, should lose the opportunity of seeing the unusual spectacle. It was, in fact, a gala day, such as the history of Owcnton had seldom recorded.

The sheriff, in a spirit of true Kentucky hospitality, invited Blackburn, as one of the distinguished guests present, to occupy a seat on the gallows. Blackburn did so. After tho preliminaries had been arranged, tbo sheriff consulted his watch and discovered that it was not quito 11 o'clock, the hour fixed for the execution. Turning to the prisoner he said: "You havo ten minutes yet to live. Is there anything you desire to say in tho mcantimcP The prisoner sullenly replied there was not At this instant Blackburn sprang from his seat, and, advancing to the edge of the scaffold, said: "If tho gentleman will allow me his remaining ten minutes I will be glad to announce myself a candidate for your suffrages.

If elected to cougress" Hero tho prisoner impatiently exclaimed: "Say, you! Is your name Joo Blackburn "Yes, sir," replied Blackburn, politely. With an expression of intense disgust on his face the prisoner turned to the sheriff. "Wo won't stand on a few minutea more or less," said he, "when tho alternative is presented of death on ono band, or listening to ono of Joo Blackburn's long winded speeches on the other. Flip the trap and let toe go." Tho good nature! sheriff obligingly "flipped tho trap," mid tho next instant tho desperado swung into eternity, while Blackburn clambered down tho gallows, exclaiming as ho went that ho had lost tho greatest opportunity of his life. New York Tribuna, Justice Harlan's I.cmedy for Cheek.

Justice Harlan tells a story of a man who caxoe to his house ono night an entire u.r-w 3 Amfct gcr, sent in ms rani, and when the judge come down bluntly told himthat he proponed to make a fortune for loth himself and the judge, if the hitter would furnish him information about certain decision that was lending and was expected to affect stocks. The man proposed to furnish the capital and do the trading. Ho was willing; moreover, divide profits equally. The justice was so completely taken alack by the man's cool impudence that he scarcely knew what to say, but tho humor of the situation struck him at once, and ho asked the caller if he would kindly stand up under tho chandelier where ho could get a look at his face. The stranger stood the scrutiny without flinching.

Then the judge said: "My friend, you havo asked something that is not only improper and iuiossible, but your proposition ought to tempt ma to kick you out of my house. 1 scarcely know by I do not feel in the mood to do it I do not think that you are aware of the significance of your proposition, and therefore I shall not treat this as I otherwise would. I am not going to enter into a speculation with you, as that would lie wrung; but I will tell you how you can get tho information you seek before any one else." Tho man's face brightened up, when the justice continual: "On the day when tbo opinion is delivered I cannot tell you when that will be come to tho supreme court room and take a seat on the front bench. Then, as it is read, the sound will reach your ears flrat Good evening And as tbe man, with a somewhat crest-Wleu mien, turned toward the door, tbo tistice added, nith peculiar emphasis in his oice: "Wait a moment, sir; you should thank He for not kicking you down stairs." But the man ith one bound had already cleared tho ball, and was tearing down the street when the justice thoughtfully returned to his study. New York Tribune.

Xlstook Ills Cint, A judicial joke is out and will start tbe rounds on tho United States circuit Everyone knows how expert and almost unerring the proverbial hotel clerk is when he takes iu and sizes up a strange guest, as he writes his name for tho first time upon the book before him, and bow accurately he tits him and his pocket book with a room. It nas about three years ago, when, having successfully steered his canoe between Scyllit and Charybdis in tho United States congress, Judge Speer ascended the bench of the United States court in Macon. He armed in the city at night, and, going direct to tho Hotel Lanier, registered "Emory Speer" in a business like hand. Wlien he hail finished his autograph the alert clerk was already studying his keyboard, evidently a little, perplexed as to details. But presently he turned and asked: "Mr.

Speer, what lino do you carry "Mr. Speer" looked at him and repeated the quest-ion in evident astonishment: "What line do I carry! I don't understand you, sir. Do you allude to my politics!" "No, sir, but I wanted to know whether you required a largo or small sample room." Explanations followed, and that hotel clerk always keeps mighty quiet when he goes into the United States court room. Savannah News. lan UIca Entrapped.

Dan Mice, the veteran showman, was nicely fooled one day, as he was engaged announcing tho wonders of his circus outside the tent A man standing with a little boyin the crowd near by cried out. "Ill bet you a dollar you cannot let me see a lion." "Done!" said the showman, eagerly: "put down your money." Tho man placed a dollar in the hand of a bystander, and Dan did the same. "Now walk this way," said the showman, "and I'll soon convince you. There you are," said he triumphantly; "look in that corner at the beautiful Nuuiidiau lion." "I dont see any," responded the man. "What's the matter with youP asked the showman.

"I'm blind," was the grinning reply, and in a few minutes tho man pocketed tho two dollars and went away. Exchange. Ilanlrl Manning's rtrler Editorial. Tho late Daniel Manning; ras-Xy years ago, had a spat with a country newspaper of vile typographical appearance. In speaking about it he said: "Tho Sandy Hill Ueruld is set up iu sbingk) nails and run off on a choose press." The Journalist A Fine Man.

Omaha Man Let me see. Mr. Surepopis from youriection, isn't he! Colorado Man Yes; lived there for years. "He si-ems to lw remarkably line man." "Hasn't an enemy in the world." "I should supjioso not." "No; all dead." Omaha World. Kemarkable Present of Mlavd.

Pat Hoolihan, whiI- slating the roof of one of our highest buildings, lost his footing and felL Over and over he went until within twenty-five feet of the paveiatnt, when be struck a telegraph wire and managed to grasp it, first with one hand, then with both. "Hong on for your life, Pat!" shouted his fellow workmen, and the bystanders rushed to the nearest dwelling for a mattress. Pat held on for a few seconds, when suddenly, with a cry of "Shtand from undher!" he dropped and lay senseless on the street Whisky was used and Pat finally came to. When asked why ho did not hold out longer, I feebly replied: "Oi wuz afraid the woire 'ud break." He recovered. Life.

Reducing tli Surplus. -Life. Close Hands. Two old sports accustomed to catch the granger at poker are playing against one another. "I coll you.

What ye got "Four aces." "What's yer outside cardl I've got four aces myself." San Francisco Chronicle. Compliments of the Season in Chicago. Miss Laker I should think, after tbe decided jilt I gave him, that Mr. Armor would Iiavo too much self-respect to send me a pres-tat Its a pretty little toboggan, though, 'jnt it papa! Papa Toboggan I 1 1 looks to mo more like A shoe born. Jge.

rretty Well Fixed. Omaha Dame So your daughter is engaged! Council Bluffs Dame Yes; she is to marry a Council Bluffs gentleman. "Is ho well offp "I should say. Ho owns half a share of gas stock." Omaha World. Tli Kicht Size.

Matter of Fact Mother tto fashionable daughter, who is going out) Clara, I think your bustle is altogether too large to look welL Fashionable Daughter I know, mamma; but you havo no idea how slipper the sidewalks are. Now York Sun. Cold ami Distant. De Smith Don't you think Miss Travis is very cold uud distant. Popinjay Sho ought to be; she has gone to Toronto to spend the V- No Market for Couch Drops.

He hurried ncroa tlie City Hall park and flew into tho counting room of morning newswiicr in row. He was an old man, with long white hair and a snowy heard, and he wore a ivurof huge arctics. Wandering up to a bookkeeper's window he extracted a small lnx from his pocket, and began in a high tenor "1 havo here, my dear sir, probably tho greatest Invention of the age. It Is a cough drop. The only effective ami ueful cough drop ever placed liefore tho American public.

U-on feeling the well known first symptoms of a cold, you open the mouth, place drop carefully tqioii tho tongue and lernift it to dissolve slowly. The cold then disappears." "No more consumption is now possible sir," continued the venerable high tenor. "If you find yourself with a hectic flush and a hacking cough, place two of these drops upon the tongue, anil immediate cure" "Are they good for anything elsoP inquired the bookkeeper, peering through his window at the cough drop advocate. "Well I should say so," said tbe latter, greatly encouraged. "It bowls over head-iclie, soro throat and dyspepsia, and I am selling hundred of botes as Christaias" "See here, old man," interrupted tho bookkeeper, "for our sake I deeply regret that I havo not the preliminary symptoms of a cold.

Moreover, consumption is unheard of in my family. My father died of curiosity and a buzz saw, uud my mother still lingers at the ago of Hi As for dyspepsia I could digest a carpet tack, and I don't know what Christmas means. You see old man, we don't seem to connect, so up your 'pellets and amble along." Tho cough drop dealer gathered up his lioxes, settled his beaver firmly on his venerable brow, iiikI said sadly, "Very sorry to disturb you sir: I didn't mean to hit the circulation liar." New York Tribune. Somrtlnin the II Ik Hill Dodge Falls. Tho other day, as one of the conductors on a Worcester street car as taking his fares, a man sitting in ono corner of tbo car complacently handed out a f'-XI bill.

It was an old game; one that is often tried. Tho conductors are usually ready for such things, but this time change was short and the man of tho patent register liad just rung in a fare on himself when a drummer, standing on the rear platform, said: "I guess I can break that t-V for you." Tbe face of the big bill man fell in a moment as the drummer banded over a lot of small bills to tbe conductor. His meanness was useless. He had to pay his fare. "That's a slim game," said the drummer to another passenger, shortly afterward.

"I never see it tried but I want to break it up, if possible. A short time ago I was riding on the cars, near Bridgeport, when I saw the conductor come up to a man who sat iu front of mo for his fare. The fellow handed him a 8100 bilk His fare was thirty-six cents. Tho conductor was an old friend of mine. Ho came along to me and said: I guess I'm stuck, 'Perhaps I can help you out, I nnswered.

I happened to have with me 131 silver dollars, and I counted out 100. If you ever saw a pleased man it was that conductor. Ho went back, to the sharper, gave him sixty-four cents' change, and then gave him ninety-nine cartwheels. The fellow swore and threatened, argued and pleaded; it was no use. The conductor had his fare and he had his change.

It's a mean trick, and nothing pleases me better than to see it foiled." Boston Herald. Appointing a Time. Creditor When shall I call for tho amount of my bill, Mr. Smith! Debtor Oh, at any time. What day will best suit your convenience! Creditor Well, I have less to do on Thursdays than any other day of the week.

Debtor Very well. Then you may call for the amount every Thursday. New York Sun. Tli Full rroirramme. Omaha Mamma Mercy on me! What does all this racket mean on Sunday! And you've got all your dolls out, too.

Little Dot You said wo might play church. "Do you call all this gabble and laughter siurehP "No, mamma; church is just over and tho 'oiks is goin home." Omaha AVorld. A ISnrltelor's Christmas. First Bachelor Did you have a happy Christmas. Second Bachelor You bet I did.

One of my shirts camo back from tho laundry with all the buttons off. Omaha World. An Embryo Tariff Reformer. Little Clifton went to bed one night with a new flannel night dress on. By and by ho became restless.

"Mamma," he cried, "I don't like the sheep en this-night gown." Boston Glole. A Holiday Threnody. Tho song that the snowbirds sing just at present is: A httle (toy, a pair of skates, A hole in the Ice and golden gates. Pittsburg Commercial. Between Steals.

Woman (who has given cold bito to a tramp) Yon don't look very healthy. Tramp No, ma'am, it's indigestion, caused, by eating between meals other people meals. Now York Sun. Preroclly In Chtltlr-ii Fndeslrable. Precocity is undesirable in every way.

The precocious child may lie the delight jf its parents, and still more of its grandparents, but the physiologist looks upon It with suspicion; and the family medical attendant knows that such child is liable to tubercular meningitis water on th brain and can estimate the risk it runs in the ordinary maladies of childhood. Its nurse shakes her head when she sees its precocity, and "fears it is too goal fot this world," with its ways. And her forecast is too frequently verified. "National Heview. Potel, German scientist, makes an artificial cork from lue, glycerine and tannin.

It is clastic, Iiui-ervioui, strong, durable uud cheap. LOCAL NOTICES. A Wumnn's IlUcovery. "Another wonderful discovery h.tsbein made, and that too, by a lady In this country. Disease fastened Its clutches upon her and for seven years she witnessed Its vernst tests, but her vital organs were undermined and death seemed Imminent For three months she coughed incessantly nd could not sleep.

She bought of us a bottle of Dr. King's New Discovery for Consumption, and was so much relieved on taking the first dos that she slept all i)iht, and with one bottle has been miraculously cured. Her name Is Mrs. Luther Lutz." Thus wrote W. C.

llamriclc A of Shelby. C. Get a free trial bottle at C'has. Ludlow Tlie Wrdlrt UnnniinouH. W.

I). Suit, druggist. Bippus, testifies: "I can recommend Electric Bitters as the very best remedy. Every bottle sold lias given relief in every case. One man took six bottles and was cured of rheumatism of ten ears standing." Abraham Hare, druggist.

Belleville, Ohio, allir-is: "The best selling medicine 1 haveetrr handled In my twenty years' experience. Is Electric Bitters." Thousands ot others have added their testimony, so that the ver dict is unanimous that Electric Bitters do cure all diseases of tho liver, kidneys or blood. Only fifty cents a bottle at Chas. Ludlow drug store. ItiieklenV ArnirasuU.

The Best Salve in the world for Cuts, Bml-es. Sores. I'icers. Salt Kheiiui. Fetr Sores, Tetter.

Chapped Hands. Chilblain. Corns, and all skin eruptions, and positively cures piles, or no payment required, it is guaranteed to give perreci saiisiacuon. or money refunded. Price 25 cents per box.

For sale by Charles Ludlow Co. "Th Gmteflt Cura on Earth for rain Will nkUmnrara qulcktr than iny oth-r known tvto- kv ruji ivJsruirutu--Ti, nwnrmtjiM, Itnrna. hialita. OtifsL Ixunhsm. ro, iVnrl'rr.

sVJ-rw, Kropt-bltrm, lUck-ttho, OusQr, Sore Throat, SrlAtErft. Wound. HitvUrb. Txtliabf, Sprmlnm, rtc fnce SSrta. a.

Sold by all jdrtMnrt-ta, Caatin.Th rrn lSi5mtw Din Solvation Oil tx-mr or OC -W mrtttrrrJ Trade-XArfc. nd or fkftMdn.ll idflTUtiir-t-. a. iieytr Co, 6o4e irppricwrv, Huinwrc, a i. a.

d. Dr. Boil. Conch Hyrnp will rare rr frircoolr 33 Cttv. battle No Universal Remedy has yet been discovered but, as at least four-nfths of human diseases have their ourca in Impure lJlood, a medicine which restores that fluid from a depraved to a healthy condition comes as near being a universal euro as any that can be produced.

Ayer's Sarsaparilla affects the blood in each stags of its formation, and is, therefore, adapted to a greater variety of complaints than any other known medicine. Boils and Carbuncles, which defy ordinary treatment, yield to Ayer's Sarsaparilla alter a comparatively brief trial. Mr. C. K.

Murray, of Charlottesville, writes that' for year he was afflicted with boils which caused him much suffering. These were succeeded by carbuncles, of which he had several at one time. He then began the use of Ayer's Sarsaparilla, and after taking three bottles, the carbuncle disappeared, and for six year hs ha not had ven a pimple. That insidious disease, Scrofula, 1 the fruitful causa of innumerable complaints, Consumption being only one of many equally fatal. Eruptions, ulcers, sore eyes, glandular swellings, weak and wasted muscles, a capricious appetite, and the like, are pretty sure indication of a scrofulous taint in the ystem.

Many otherwise beautiful face are disfigured by pimples, eruptions, and unsightly blotches, which arise from impure blood, showing the need of Ayer's Sarsaparilla to remedy the eviL All sufferers from blood disorders should give Ayer's Sarsaparilla a fab-trial, avoiding all powders, ointments, and washes, and esiiecially cheap and worthless compounds, which uot only fail to effect a cure, but more frequently aggravate and confirm the diseases they are fraudulently advertised to remedy. Ayer's Sarsaparilla. rRIPABED BT Or. J. C.

Ayer Lowed, Mat. aid ty all Druggists. Trie $1 six Uttlss, at. ELY'S CATADRti G8EAM BALMlpPil CLEANSES THE Mpffffj. i HEM) Nasal PisoSMi7u7rnrriv i isi- la flam mt tiun.J Heals the Bestortg the Senses of Taste and Smell USA, THY THE CUUE.HAY'-EEVEP' Apartlelelsappliedlntoeiehnostrllaudlt agreeable.

Price SO cents at by mall, registered. 60 ets. KLT Drug lists. 13 Ureentvlch Sew York. Thi poiM-lur remedy never faili (o effectually euro Dyspepsia, Constipation, Sick Headache, Biliousness I And all liscascs arising from a Torpid Liver and Bad Digestion.

The natural result a-ooa appetite and solid flesh. Dose itmalli eles-nat-Ijr istr contest and to swallow. SOLD EVERYWHERE. DRUNKENNESS Or the I.I-or iiaoii tirrn kr AdmliilMrriDK Ir. Uainea la olden specific.

It nbeiYe In a cup ot coffee orte without tbe knew. edce of tbe person taking lis 1 It absolute. nannies-, ana win ceti nf-rmanent a anem ana cure wjiriuci uv-pals a moderate drinker or an alcoholic T. n4 nf isninlranla hV Ksttn SMUIll wreck. C.

1UUUMUUJ VI Xv a th wkri-s IJAiilan mde tcmprraio wuw -am -wmiu 'cific In their coffee without their know- ths. niitf il vlsilrlsiiv A el 4e xowmrn; iH' ttj once Imprt'Rnated with the (n.th.Mn... Tt fnlla Ti wa keeacnesi CSaDUllCr imvuiiiuiiiii mi iiiciihuui St- es-lfl lor-isk. i.uia-w uww -at Main street, and Theo: Troupe, ner.t Jtat-jj jaUO. IK tltlHIUgyB IBS Tutt's Fills KIRK'S WrtiTE.ll (-19 -J) Ca7 J.

ft '4a: FLOATINC SOAP IS THE CHIEF For tho Bath. Toilet and Laundry. Snow Whit and Absolutely Pur. If Tour dealer JM not keep White Cloud Sop. lend 10 cenu for sample cake to makan.

JftS. S. KIRK CHICACO. RAILROAD TIME CARD. Pittsburg-, Clnrlnnntl ami St.

Louis stall. war Company l'an Handle Koate. Under schedule In effect N'ovenibvr 13. 1SS7, trains leave Springfield, central stand ard time, for Xenia, Dayton, Richmond. St.

Louis, Chicago, and all point west and northwet, Cincinnati, Columbus and eastward a. forXenia. Dayton. Ulch-moiid and Indianapolis (lOrJU a. for Xenia.

Dayton, Cincinnati, Columbus, In dianapolis. St. Itlis and Chicago (-30 p. for Aema, Dayton and Cincinnati p. m.

Trains arrive in apringnem at ana 10-S0 a. 2:40 p. in. and f5-30 p. m.

Daily, Daily except Sunday. Sam Duihis Ticket Agent. Usvaland, Columbus, Cincinnati aa Indianapolis Balls-ay. oisa 1BT. SUM Kxpress- 12 New York A Boston Kipress 2 Cleveland A Eastern Kl Dress.

I Sew or Limited Kipreat MS 6010 SOCTB. 9 Hunt Kipress JJOatm ff Cln. 4 Wes. Ex .6001 i nying iucxeye 7.3Sl Cincinnati A Indianapolis ExprealL00a( 1 Cleveland Cincinnati ExDreas 1.30 flan Si South West Express 4.00 pa i At. mum Kan.

-sJtpa sttUVX rEOH KAST. Sliht Express 2.3b- 1 Cln.FIylDK JSln 3 Clerelan Cincinnati Express L20 pat lioston; Cincinnati pa asjut ron SOCTH. Sight Exprea TJ6a a Dayton. 3prtngfleld Accom.tr't SJAaa 11 New York A Boston Limited 9j0asa 34 Cincinnati Springfield Accom 1.40 pa 1 Cleveland k. Eastern ExDrea 3.4ft nsn 16 Cincinnati A Springfield Aecom 6X5 pa It new xorc Limited nxpres pat Ho.

ha through sleeper to Sew York a 3oton without chance. So. 4 is the famous limited express. joted entirely ot sleeper, eaat ot ClefTlaaa through sleepers from Springfield, afakao Sew York in hour and Boston la MM door. O.

ILKSIQHT. rwiv. xicxet Agent, D.B.MARTIS. Arcade liepnt. P.

A. Sprint-field. 0 T. Y. Fcnn.

4s Ohio anil JSrle ttouto Ail trains run on Central time 25 mlnaUt) dower than city time. TAT5S U1U OOCSO EJ.ST. a. 4. New York Limited, dally 10:28 a.

2. Kent Accom-daily a. So. 8. S.

Y.Jt Boston daily TSSI5S LI1TI GOIXQ WEST. So. 3. Cln.iSl. 2-50 1.

Cincinnati Express, dally UhlOaJs. 5. Cln. st-Lcuis dally 3:43 p. a.

So. 5 hat mrougn sierpert to ot. Louis So. I runs through to Sew tork solid. So Chang) ot ears tor any class of passenger.

Free hack to trains to all points east of, ana Including north Lewlsburg. for ticket to all point and further J.D.Paue, Agent. 72 Arw. Telephone call 310. J.

R. PHALER. General Superintendent. Cleveland. 0.

L. 1'. I'ARMKK, General Tassenger Agent. Sew York. V.

C. KISEARS05I, Atst. Gen. Pass. Cincinnati.

0. Indiana, Hloomlugton and West.ro stnlU way. iiuii rsou KOtTH. I Cincinnati Express- lOOaa 4 30 pa 5 Sandusky and a'pringfield Ex. 3 Columbus Mail iWTi rsnu X1ST.

1 Sight Express 5 Chicago. St. L. A Kan. City Urn 7 Sandusky Mall 3 Chicago, St.

L. A Kan. City Ex atxtvs rsoK vest. 2 Eastern Express I Atlantic Mall 6 Sew York Limited 14Saa etoaa lossaa .506 pa 2aaa 425pa 245aa DsrasT couo koxth. 2 LakesldeExpreis.

4 Put-ln-Uay Express- tiuspa 23Saa NS5BB etoaa 4 35pm 64am 3 Springfield and sandusky Ex I DSTAST OOIXQ UST. 2 Columbus Eipress I AtlautleMall 5 Columbus Accommodation- 6 Sew York Limited DtPAIT COI.IQ WEST. I Sight Exptess- 3 Chicago. St. b.

i Kan. City Urn 3 Chicago, v-t. L. Jc Kan. City Ex Ohio Southern KaUrosxt, iimi rsov soctb.

3 Balnttrldge Accommodation 5 15 pa 9t0aa 4 15 pa 1 Mall and Express- Dinar coi.no sooth. 2 Mail and Express- lossai 4 Rainbridi-eAecomniodatlon- 53UDI AU trains marked run other dally except Sunday. Mandard time, which minutes slower than Spr ngOsld city time. AN. D.

H. ROCHE. Ticket Agent. General Anent. THE BEST I EVER TRIED ISWTBJUTWMJUInOf READ HIS TESTIMONIAL B-nt oar.

March M. ISM. "1 hat been a soffsrsr f- I Dyspepsia fi-. Iwas uvlBcsdts try Afsne. sad after dmdc a nobsr of bottlo.

I sra prspa red to ear It is lb. best rsaedr I have eisr tried, and 1 haes assa acosdmanr. ItaketheSTtMUeeaplessars rscitkriQC It to stiflerefs.n CHKLsflAN DETRIES. Of the Chas. A.

Vc tor Co. SI. FOR ft QUART BOTTLE. year dT-mttot or diT for tt aad mpctu gUnc U- Tk. no c4a.

SACHS-PRUDEN CO. DAYTON. OHIO. TH NtW MFAIITUpt MUM rt sra made wita patent doubio ac rods folding: knee rest. snbstantlal sad 1 Used In tho best Bsa-s 1 Orcnestras.

Cnea- tor tone, surpass all sr ta flnlih and appears. It nearest M-ulc dealer ms not keeti larm. writs to I tot dustr! Cataioo HCALT, 1 INSTALMENT DEALERS rTIU nndjustwnatthejneed A FULLLlNK OF INSTALMENT GOODS old only to -e INSTALMCNTTRAOC. bjr adurrsslntt sisTDst' Mcrnr Co. bin.

(v un 1 "A-ii fT''ssSffiSSS.