Carrol Daily Times Herald from Carroll, Iowa on July 1, 1974 · Page 6
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Carrol Daily Times Herald from Carroll, Iowa · Page 6

Carroll, Iowa
Issue Date:
Monday, July 1, 1974
Page 6
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Widow Relates Problems Faced by Women at the Death of Husband NEW YORK (AP)-Lynn Caine has just had her first book published. The reviews have been laudatory. She has been interviewed, acclaimed, lionized and partied. "But the one person I want to share it all with isn't here," she says. The book is called "Widow," which is what its author has FUNNY BUSINESS UNDEP PROPER DRIVIN6 GOMbiriO»S,400 WILL (SCOP FU gu ECOttOW been since her husband, Martin, died of cancer three years ago. "After he died, I wanted to die," she says of those years filled with "nights of waking up at 4 a.m. in terror," financial panic, "crazy" acts and "stupid" decisions. The realization that one out of every six women in this By Roger Bollen WELL...DOWNHILL, FOR B&H country over age 21 is a widow and the hope that her experiences would help others motivated the book, she explains. "There are seasons of grief," she says. "If you loved your husband you're going to be mourning him the rest of your life. But it softens the grief to know there is a pattern, and you'll not always feel so helpless and trapped." The book is based on a sort of diary she wrote during those sleepless nights, pouring out her anger at a husband who had "abandoned" her, children whose very existence she resented, and a society in which she lost her identity when she became a widow. "So much of what I was was contingent on being married to Martin," she points out. "People think of a widow as a poor, bereft, forlorn, frail, helpless creature, a pitiable being. Emotionally it may as hard when a man loses his wife but socially and econimically it's easier." Mrs. Caine, a petite woman with big hazel eyes and short dark hair, admits she was lucky *to have had a job and wise to have continued working during the difficult 14 months of her husband's terminal illness. "My job was my lifeline and I'm convinced it saved my sanity," she said in her office at a publishing firm, where she is publicity manager. "You must participate in the world as soon as you can. Find stimulating interests or work Times Herald, Carroll, la. M Monday, July 1, 1974 O to get you out of yourself. "And exercise. Healthy, fatigue is good," advises the 5 foot 1, 105 pound advocate of yoga. "Don't depend on tranquilizers, because you'll have to face your grief eventually. If you can't deal with your depression get professional help." Most important of all, plan ahead from the first day of marriage, warns Mrs. Caine, whose husband had a World War II injury and couldn't get life insurance. She suggests an annual contingency day to discuss wills, investments and the family's financial situation. "The problem begins and ends with our attitude toward death," she says. "We won't face the fact that we're going to die. It's an act of love for a husband to discuss finances with his wife." She acknowledges that her biggest mistake was to have bought a house in New Jersey at the urging of her husband's best friend. "What woman in her right mind would move to the suburbs when she can't even drive? I began to feel better when I decided a year later to move back to Manhattan where I belonged." Moving is the step widows most often take, she notes, and she strongly advises against making any immediate decisions after the death of a husband "when you have no perspective, no judgment, your emotions and intellect are at odds." What else would she have done differently? "I wish we both could have cried together, expressed more anger," she says. "Martin was a very strong personality; he was dignified and had to die the way he lived. He tried to spare me but it would have been better if I had been able to release my emotions. It would have been better for the kids if I had been able to give up my brave act and tell them I was scared to death." The kids are son Jon, 12, and daughter Buffy, 8. And their mother is determined that Jon must not feel the burden of being "the man of the family." She would consider marrying again only if she found a man "in touch with his emotions." "The greatest gift is a happy marriage or a happy relationship," she declares. "It's nice to share, but I'm no longer afraid of being alone. I have my children, my friends and a wide variety of interests. The women's movement has touched us all and I can go anywhere I want. MEMORIAL GIFTS . Gifts in memory of Marvin DeBoer of Coon Rapids and Frank Kemper of Manning have been received by the American Cancer Society, according to Mrs. C. E. Mcllvain, memorials chairman of the Carroll County chapter. i WITH FILLED GOLD BOND SUPER DISCOUNT BOOKLETS SUPER UALU GALLON 2% SUPER VALU 5-Lb. BEET l-Lb. LAND-O-LAKE l-Lb, BUTTER-NUT MILK I SU6AR I BUTTER I COFFEE CARROLL, IOWA Butternut 12 Count Cluster HAMBURGER BUNS THIS AD IN EFFECT ONE FULL WEEK WITH EACH FILLED GOLD BOND SUPER DISCOUNT BOOKLET WITH EACH FILLED GOLD BOND SUPER DISCOUNT BOOKLET WITH EACH FILLED QOLD BOND SUPER DISCOUNT BOOKLET WITH EACH FILLED GOLD BOND SUPER DISCOUNT BOOKLET WILSON CERTIFIED HAM Boneless U.S.D.A. CHOICE Chuck Steak Ib 79 C ROYAL GELATIN Asst. Flavors NISSEN Braunschweiger Ib 69 C FRESH WHOLE FRYERS 39 C WILSON; SAVORY BACON Ib 59 C CUT UP FRYERS B&H QUALITY Ground Beef NISSEN Summer Sausage ,.99' "FOURTH OF JULY PICNIC HEADQUARTERS Wilson Certified FRANKS 12-Oz. With this coupon Limit one coupon per family Good at B & H Super Valu thru Tues., July 2, 1974 SCHMIDT 12 12-Oz. Cans Sather's ^ tf 4 flfl Cookies 3J1°° Franklin >| Of Crunch & Munch Hlr Kraft 18-Oz. QTfc Barbeque Sauce . . . .0/ v Dad's CI%C Root Beer . . . .% canon DO French's 10-Oz. 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