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Spotlight Santa Cry? Sentinel FidaY.Sepi 20', mi 3 TTwMgflMt Zim Watching new television programs sparks bizarre sensation of deja vu if I mm- 1 16, i OP. By TOM LONG Sentinel staff writer 1 I war. 'Eerie, NBC's oasis of quality in a strange year. WELCOME TO EERIE, Indiana. Population: 16,661.

Things look normal on the surface here. In fact, this is where advertisers come to test products on a supposedly "average" small town. Look closer, though, and things seem a bit strange. The Postman carries a gun. There's a guy living down the block who looks and talks just like an aging Elvis.

A large shaggy monster Big-foot? rummages through trash cans in the early morning hours. And behind closed doors, a mother who sells plastic "Foreverwear" containers vacuum-packs her twin sons in for a good night's sleep each evening, preserving their youth. But wait. The strangeness is not just out on the streets. Turn on your TV and it's there, too.

The new Fall television season here in Eerie looks like a television season from some other Fall. There's James Garner on NBC playing James Garner, in a show called "Man of the People." He's a good-hearted con man. Isn't that what Bret Maverick was? His hair has some shades of gray, but Garner is still uncovering mean schemes of the rich while coming up with lighthearted schemes of his own. Isn't that what Jim Rockford did? And look over there, on ABC, if you have the guts. There's Suzanne Somers and Patrick Duf- fy, both returned from dead TV shows, in a sitcom called "Step By Step." They play single parents who marry and then have one great big family.

Wasn't that called "The Brady And wasn't it awful enough the first time around? On CBS Redd Foxx is acting like a grumpy old guy, complaining all the time, in a new show called "Royal Family." But didn't he do that in "Sanford and Son" 15 years ago? Speaking of black actors being grumpy, Robert Guillame is still grumpy. Except this time he isn't called "Benson." This time he's a cop in a show called "Pacific Station." As always, he plays a together, hard-working fellow who has to prop up the guy he works for. In a true casting coup, NBC has Robert Guillame playing Robert Guillame right after James Garner plays James Garner on Sunday nights. Never a network to be left behind, CBS is offering "The Carol Burnett Show" on Friday nights on Eerie TV. That's right, "The Carol Burnett Show." It's going to be a one-hour variety showcase.

Check your calendars. The year is still 1991, not 1972. But no one seems to have noticed on Eerie TV. It's not just the actors who are strange on this Eerie television, it's to retain its audience, network television closes its eyes, rolls into a ball and pretends that if it just regurgitates the same old drivel folks won't turn to cable stations and videos and eek! books for entertainment. Whoever is in charge of Eerie TV must be a mad.

And they must not follow the numbers very closely or else they'd know that of the 33 shows that debuted last Fall season, only eight survived, the year, and none of those could be called hits. The prognosis this year is just as bad. Maybe we should try something different here in Eerie this year. Maybe we should just turn the damn thing off and talk ta one another Nah we're not that weird. is you never know whether all the strange stuff is going on in the kids' head or if it's really happening.

It may be the best new show of the season. But, as always here in Eerie, things don't quite make sense. Instead of giving the show a prime slot, NBC has placed "Eerie, Indiana" at 7:30 p.m. on Sundays, opposite the mega-hit "60 Minutes" on CBS. A suicide slot where no show has survived in recent years.

It would seem absolutely insane, except that just about everything seems absolutely insane on Eerie TV. Tens of millions of dollars are spent developing new programs that are in no way new. Talented, already wealthy actors agree to play caricatures of themselves just for the money. Instead of fighting the shows, too. ABC has a new sitcom on Wednesdays called "Sibs" about grown siblings, followed an hour later by a sitcom called "Good and Evil" about two sisters.

NBC already had a show called "Sisters." Is there some kind of odd blood relation bonding crisis going on in Eerie television? And there are the out-of-place teachers shows. "Teech" on CBS sends an urban black guy to teach spoiled white brats at a fancy prep school. "Drexell's Class" on Fox sends grumpy Dabney Coleman (a lot of famous grumps are on Eerie TV) to teach in the classroom as part of a prison sentence. Besides building confidence in the educational system, these new shows make you want to spin the dial a few more times and see if Gabe Kaplan has been recalled to ride herd on the "Welcome Back, Kot-ter" sweathogs once again. There are even shows that remind you of past shows just because they are equally awful.

CBS has teamed Connie "Hotel" Selleca up with Greg "My Two Dads" Evi-gan in a new mindless hour-long show called "P.S. I Luv about a con woman and a cop (your basic mismatched couple made for TV) who end up having to pretend they're married in Palm Springs while hiding from The Mob. They pass the days solving crimes and trying to work up some sexual tension between their well-dressed beautiful selves. Even though the premise is different, past shows like "Vegas" and "Riptide" and "Hardcastle McCormick" all spring to mind immediately. "P.S.

I Luv is absolutely as good as "Jake and the Fatman," no doubt about it. All is not bleak on Eerie TV. On Fox there's a bright new sitcom about a struggling garbage man called "Roc" that seems to have all the right ingredients. ABC has talented Tim Allen trying to build a sitcom called "Home Improvements" out of his standup routine. NBC has a couple of promising hour-long dramas in "Reasonable Doubts" with Mark Harmon as a police investigator and Marlee Ma-tlin as a hearing-impaired district attorney, and "I'll Fly Away," a tale of growing up in the South during the racially tense late '50s, produced by the folks who brought us "Northern Exposure" and "St.

Elsewhere." But for the most part, things are just plain weird here on Eerie TV. There's even a NBC show named after the town, "Eerie, Indiana." It's kind of a "Twin Peaks" for kids and it's all about what happens when a young boy moves to town and begins discovering all the strange things going on here. Directed by Joe Dante, the show has just enough satirical bite to at-, tract adults and enough spooky thrills to wow the kids. The catch Of the 33 shows that debuted last Fall season, only eight survived SiPvi III VJI Tim Allen and company show promise in 'Home First Major Turkey of the Year award goes to I Luv.