The May Bugle from May, Oklahoma • 3

THE MAY BUGLE, MAY OKLAHOMA Uric Acid Is Slow Poison Excess uric acid left in the blood by weak kidneys, causes more diseases than any other poison Among its effects are backache, headache, dizziness, irritability, nervousness, drowsiness, blues, rheumatic attacks and urinary disorders Later effects are dropsy, gravel or heart disease If you would avoid uric acid troubles, keep your kidneys healthy To stimulate and strengthen weak kidneys, use Doan's Kidney Pills the best recommended special kidney remedy A Missouri Case Mr Pemberton, 77S 8 Lefartitlo si Marshall, Mo tay 'My whole body wm swollen wtlb dropsy 1 hud terrible back- ucbes and headaches The kidney secretions were In awful shape I gave up hope and was ready to die Doan's 1 Dills came to my aid Just In time and I tmproved rapidly until 1 was well Today I am In better health than ever before Gat Doan's at Aur Stors, 50c a Box DOAN'S ViVLV FOSTER-MILBURN CO BUFFALO, Wvtry Picture TYUj fi Story THE DEACOfTS HANDICAP By PLUMMER Constipation Vanishes Forever Prompt Relief Permanent Cure CARTER'S LITTLE LIVER PILLS never fail Purely vegetable act surely but gently on the fiver Stop after dinner distress-cure improve the complexion, brighten the eyes SMALL PILL, SMALL DOSE, SMALL PRICE Genuine must bear Signature The great principle of brotherhood Is not by equality, nor by likeness, but by giving and receiving Ruskin Mra Winalow's Soothing Syrup for Children teething, softens the gums, reduces wind college a bottle Mv News Item Grasshoppers stalled a Kansas train for 40 minutes We suppose they bit off the driving wheels or kicked the fireman off the engine His Idea Coed I don think clothes makes the man College Man Nor I I think It all depends on the cigarettes he smokes Rejected He Be mine and you will make me the happiest man in the world She I very sorry but unfortunately I want to be happy myself Poverty of Idea Madeline Why, Mrs Benaway are you back Mrs Benaway Yes, dear are you Judge In Condition I don feel quite well, doctor Do you think I could go to a coffee party this afternoon Certainly, miss Your tongue is all right Fliegende Blaetter She Knew Bookkeeper If I asked the boss to raise my salary, what do you think he would say Stenographer Mr Penner I am a lady I never even think such things An Echo Susie age six And when we grow up we ll be married, won we, Bobble Bobby sadly No, Susie, I can't marry into your family Your papa has weak eyes and your auntie has spasms From Our Ovens To Your Table Untouched by human hands Post Toasties the aristocrat of Ready- to-Serve foods A table dainty, made of white Indian com presenting delicious flavour and whole, ome nourishment in new and appetizing form The steadily increasing sale of this food speaks volumes behalf of its excellence An order for a package of Post Toasties from your grocer will provide a treat foe the whole family The Memory Linger rottniL Ore Limited Battle Owk, Michigan Deacon Job Potter entered his kitchen and seated himself with a deep sigh on the bench What the matter, Job asked Mrs Potter I concarned, Hannah, I con- carned My sperrlt Is as clar as spring water, but I concarned about what these hyar carnal minded people will Bay What's happened inquired Mrs Potter, anxiously I was drlvln to hum this afternoon when who should come up to me but Mordecal Pratt a drlvln that there two hundred dollar critter he bought In York, hitched to his buggy 1 had my old sixty dollar mare to the light wagon and when she heard that critter behind her she jest gripped the bit In her teeth and Mordecal wasn't nowhere 'cept klvered with dust Now, all these people will think I was racin Eat your supper, Job, said Mrs Potter, no one ll believe you would raceafter the way you ve talked agin it A ripple of laughter came from the parlor Who in thar asked the Deacon Why, replied Mrs Potter, coloring, Fred Carey walked hum with Sarah, and he not gone yet The Deacon thumped his fist on the table I won have that man a goin with Sarah, he snarled, he's a worldlin and sells feed to those unregiuerate critters that have race horses at the track Jedge Grimes says Fred's doin a nice business and is goin' to be a rich man some day, put In Mrs Potter Who Jedge Grimes retorted the Deacon, disdainfully, don he play cyards But Mrs Potter went up stairs before the sins of the Judge were full' proclaimed After she had gone the Deacon emptied his pockets of some old papers, throwing them into the stove Mordecal wasn nowhere, he chuckled and then looked at a square piece of cardboard among the papers It read as follows International Turf Club, New YorY Play or Pay 1000 Saracen Atlantic Handicap I picked this hyar thing up on the road in front of the house, muttered the Deacon some carnal idjut been betting his money and a scorchin himself with Hell fire I ll talk about this hyar paper at Sunday school, and he replaced it in his pocket The horses were gathering for the spring races near the village, and Fred Carey was doing a large business with the horsemen If it were not for the Deacon savage opposition to his suit for his daughter hand he would have been entirely happy The village, being right in the shadow of the great race course, naturally, contained some ungodly souls who were interested in the sport, and a few evenings later the Deacon, carrying home a half-soled pair of boots from the shoemaker, found them wrapped in a sporting paper The Deacon eyed it with a hostile gleam as he unwrapped the boots in the privacy of his kitchen and then his eye caught an item in the paper Public interest on the winner of the Atlantic Handicap now centers on Saracen Opening at 100 to 1 in tie winter betting, his odds have dropped to five to one with wise money going on fast at that The Deacon dropped the paper dlid felt in his pocket He drew forth the pasteboard card A thousand to ten, he murmured, and this hyar card belongs to the one who has it When the day of the race dawned the Deacon wandered about the house as a perturbed spirit The handicap was to be run about four clock and by that time the Deacon was slinking about the entrance to the course in au agony lest he be recognized and lest Saracen should lose He heard the cheers and shouts which heralded the finish and a cold sweat came out over him Men began to come out of the entrance and seek the cars, but he dared not ask who had won Finally, i ndesperation, he approached a sportive looking man and asked quavering- ly who had won the handicap Why, Saracen, replied the man, hands down and the jock looking back at the other skates Is this your ticket asked the cashier at the Turf club It is, snapped the Deacon The man called to someone in the office, and in a moment tha Deacon and Fred Carey, two very surprised men were staring at each other This man has the ticket ou stopped said the cashier I found It In front of my house, murmured the Deacon By George exclaimed Cnrev, I must have pulled it out of my pocket when I was going to see 'four daughter Ab long as you found it, why, half of it goes to you and the other half will help to pay for the house Sarah and 1 will live in next month Copyright, by Daily Story Pub Co PREATTY NAMES FOR BOOKS Real Old-Time Titles Sound Decidedly Strange to the Eye of the Reader Today The following are some of the curious titles of old English books A Most Delectable Sweet Perfumed Nosegay for God's Saints to Smell At Biscuit Baked In the Oven of Charity Carefully Conserved for the Chickens of the Church, the Sparrows the Spirit, and the Sweet Swal- I ws of Salvation A Sigh of Sorrow for the Sinners of Zion Breathed Out of a Hole In the Wall of an Earthly Vessel Known Among Men by the Name of Samuel Fish a Quaker who had been imprisoned Eggs of Charity I ayed for the Chickens of the Covenant and Boiled With the Water of Divine Love Take Ye Out and Eat The Spiritual Mustard Pot to Make the Soul Sneeze With Devotion Most of these were published In the time of Cromwell London Strand PIMPLES ON FACE AND ARMS 411 Howard St Dayton, Ohio About a year ago my face, neck, arms and back were beginning to become afflicted with pimples and blackheads My pimples would get very large and appear to come to a head If 1 tried to open them the pain would be terrible, but nothing could be taken from them They itched very badly 1 suffered terribly from itching After scratching, the pimples would swell and after the swelling was gone my face would become very red and remain so for Borne time My clothing caused the Itching to be worse When It was warm it was utterly Impossible to sleep I used a cream and the more I used the worse they got Shortly after, I- read the advertisement of Cuticura Soap and Ointment and determined to use them The itching stopped almost Immediately This was about three months ago and I am entirely cured now, Signed Miss Marguerite Jacobs, Jan 13, 1913 Cuticura Soap and Ointment Bold throughout the world Sample of each 32-p Skin Book Address postcard Cuticura, Dept Boston Adv Pithy Postscript A striking illustration of the saying that the pith of a lady's letter Is In the postscript occurred In the case of a young lady who having gone out to India, and writing home to her friends, concluded with the following words You will see by my signature that I am married Cleaner than the Cracker Barrel lTw soda Crackers No more ordinary bulk crackers for you Pass right by the dusty, handled, open barrel next the kerosene can and say, I want Sunshine L-W Sodas the big 25c box Then you ll get your crackers fresh, crisp and flaky Then you ll get the big, triple-sealed package that keeps the delicious flavor in and dust, odors and moisture out At your grocer 00SE- flLES ISCUIT OMPANY Bakers of Sunshine Biscuits i vyp ip 7 Jl Mi fc raS The Pennant is won The banner of health is always won by the person who possesses a keen appetite, enjoys perfect digestion, and whose liver and bowels are regular Get into this winner class at once by the aid of HOSTETTER STOMACH BITTERS It is for Poor Appetite, Sick Headache, Heartburn, Indigestion, Constipation and Malaria 6 0 years he leader Wichita Directory We buy or sell At all points WRITE US I TURNER WICHITA, KANSAS BISHOP POINT WELL MADE Rebuke to Which it Is Hard to See How the Curate Could Make an Answer Bishop Oliphant of Llandaff had a well-to-do young man as curate who had rather sporting Instincts He kept his own horses and always drove tandem The bishop disapproved, and decided to administer a rebuke on a favorable opportunity Both the bishop and the curate, each driving In his own way, met near the historic Cow and Snuffers The bishop, of course, was driving two abreast, and the curate tandem, as usual I really must protest, said the bishop, at your driving about in such a manner Well, my lord, said the curate, you are driving two horses, and so am I What is the difference After a few moments reflection Bishop Oliphant replied If, when you are at prayers at the cathedral, the congregation placed their hands in the same position as you have placed your horses what would become of the dignity and solemnity of the service London Mail Caution It was the last day of his vacation He had just finished carving her name on the smooth bark of the birch tree Dear, he said, will you promise to wait for me till 1 came again next summer She looked up at him with the love light in her eyes Yes, Henry, she murmured Theu I ll cut my Initials beside yourB Nothing To It I believe in calling a spade a spade Guess you might ns well I ve never been able to pass one off for a diamond or a heart A Steady One There Is one enterprise Into which everybody manages to get What is that The directory Marked Similarity If 12 persons were to agree to dine together every day, but never sit in exactly the same order around the table, didactically stated the professor, it would take them 13,000,000 years, at the rate of one dinner a day, and they would have eaten more than 174,000,000 dinners, before they could get through all the possible ar- ragements in which they could place themselves Yep, snarled Uncle Pepy That would be nearly as many ways as a a small boy rearranges himself during a long sermon Judge Tommy Hands Ma Tommy, did you wash your hands this morning Tommy I washed one of them, mother The other didn need it Foley Kidney Pills Succeed because they are a good honest medicine that canno help but heal kidney and bladder ailments and urinary irregularities, if they are once taken into the system Try them now for positive and permanent help You Can Buy The Best Irrigated Land In Southern Idaho For 50 50 an Acre Good Soil Fine Climate Crops Never Fail Especially adapted to the raising of alfalfa, grains, potatoes and fruits Ideal for dairying and stock raising On main lino Oregon Short Line Railroad Lands surround Richfield, Dietrich, Biio- shone and Goodlug In Lincoln aud Gooding Counties 20,000 acres open to entry THE BEST WATER RIGHT IN THE WEST AND TERMS OF PAYMENT ARE THE EASIEST OFFERED BY ANY IRRIGATION COMPANY Let us tell you more Your letter will have individual attention Address Idaho Irrigation Co Ltd Richfield Idaho THE NEW FRENCH REMEDY 1 No2 NA THERAPION SsJsUflSt wrratsuci css, cukes chronic weakness IAST vigox A VIM KIDNEY BLADDER DISEASES, BLOOD POISON PII KK EITHER NO DRUGGISTS or MAIL Si POST 4 CT9 FOUGEKA CO, 90 BEEKMAN EW YORK or LYMAN BRO ORON Vo WRITE FOR FREE BOOK TO LE CliM Mfd Co HaverstockKd Hampstead, London, eng TRY NEW USAGES ITASTELKSS FOR MOP RASY TO TAKE SSjxTooviTst wd to a ll gen uinb pacasm WICHITA, NO 39-1913 ig The tiny parish of Clannaborough North Devon England, a little village, has a population of only 42, so that baptisms, marriages and burials are not very frequent The other week the first marriage ceremony for 15 year took place, but even then the couple were not parishioners, the bride coming from St Austell, the bridegroom, whose home is at Ex- mouth, being the rector' brother-ln- Iaw After a Pleasant Evening Mr Sydney Buxton told an amusing story for the purpose of illustrating a point at a recent dinner A certain convivial soul, wbo had been invited to dine with a friend, whose house wse at the end of a dark and muddy lane, was advised to bring a big lantern After a very Jovial eve ning the convivial one left and struggled home through the mud, firmly gripping his heavy burden by the handle Next morning he received this message from his host Herewith your lantern please return parrot and cage REPEATING SHOTGUNS Winchester Repeating Shotguns are not only safe to shoot, but sure to shoot They are easy to load or unload easy to take down or put together, and strong and reliable in every way That why the Ordnance Board endorsed them as being safe, sure, strong and simple Over 450,000 satisfied sportsmen are using them Stick to a Winchester and You Won Get Stuck Winchester Cans and Winchester Ammunition the Red VJ Brand are Made lor Each Other ami Sold Everywhere No Contortionist Fat Man Did you give them good shine Bootblack Sure sir Look for yourself Fat Man I'll take your word for IL A Distinction Mr Outertown Isn there a Mrs Skinner in thia village who keeps I boarders HI Hubbel She of the scientist but dc Japan Honor Pioneer Japan has erected a monument I over the grave I nearly two centuries ago Introduced the sweet potato Into the empire for general cultivation take i't kn bo era em Important to Mothers Examine carefully every bottJe or CASTORIA, a safe and sure remedy for Infants and children, and Bee that it Bears the Signature of In Use For Over 30 Years Children Cry for Fletcher Castoria After the Premiere You re a gay kind of a friend' said Whlmpler to Wlgglesworth Laughing like a hyena all through the first act of my tragedy Tragedy Tragedy echoed Wig glesworth Why, Whimper, old man I really was trying to help you 1 thought all along the darned thing was a very amusing farce idge An Oklahoma Inventor's corn planter I light enough to be carried In the hand, yet will sow the grains Death Lurks In A Weak Heart DOUGLAS 3i00 3 50 4 00 4 so AND 5i00 SHOES FOR MEN AND WOMEN wcmeA COUMTUJ BEST B0rs SHOES In the WORLD 2 00, B2 6Q and 3 OO- The largest makers of Men's 3 50 and 4 00 shoes in the world Ask your dewier to show too XT I- Douglas ns so 04 ini and SOshoe Just as good In style, fit and wear as other makes oostlng 0 1 00 to 7 OO the only dlfferenee Is the price Shoes I leathers, styles and shapes to suit eryti If yon could visit Douglas large fa ries at Brockton Maas and see for you, how carefully II I- Donglaa shies are yon would then uuderetand why they arewarr to fit better, look better, hold tnelr shape and longer than any other make for the plica TAKE NO uem tutf closed by the Card Youre sure they are mismated There la no doubt of It She 1 an expert at bridge and he la a champion pinochle pLajar If Youra i fluttering or wash, uoo RENOVINC Mad by Van Vloot-Manaflold Drug Co Memphis Twin Price 1 00.