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• s •. White House Aides Prove Their Loyalty By DICK WEST WASHINGTON (UPl) - By this time you probably have read about a million versions ot tvhat's been going on inside the White House with regard to the Watergate case. Here's the l,O0O,OOlst: Various statements by President Nixon's White House aides Gqicsburg Register-Moil, Gdlesburg J il.Wedh^ April IS, 1973 Sf The Lighter Side and campaign lieutenants have convinced me there was an excess of innocence on their part. No high administration official even made a pretense of knowing anything about the attempt to bug Democratic headquarters last year. So my guess is that the President called an emergency staff meeting in his Oval office. "Gentlemen," I guess he said, "I'm getting reports that this Watergate busuiess is hurting the Republican Party, putting my administration in a bad light and, unless something is done,, may even reflect on me personally. Saq>icions Will Intensify "Unless some of you come forwjo'd and take responsibility for the bugging, ugly suspicions are certain to multiply and intensify." I guess at this point one of the President's aides spoke up. "But, chief," I guess he said, "our own investigation shows that none of us knew anything about it." "I'm aware of that," I guers the President replied. "And it goes without saying that nobody would know better than yourselves whether or not you were involved. "If you couldn't find any involvement among yourselves, I don't see how the FBI, a grand jury or Senate committee could either. And that's our big problem. "In order for the public to have confidence in my administration, people have got to believe we know what we're doing. "If they are told the White House didn't know about anything as important as the Watergate operation, they are going to start wondering if we are keeping up with what is going on in other fields. A Question of Credibility "That's why I need some of you to accept responsbility for the bugging. It's a question of maintaining our credibility." I guess the Presdent then reached under his desk and pulled out a ceremonial sword that had been given to him by some visiting head of state. With the blade he drew a line across the middle of the room. "If there are any volunteers, let them step across this line," I guess he said. To a man, the entire corps of presidential counselors, aides, assistants and political advisers stepped across the line, I guess. "Your display of loyalty touches me deeply," I guess the President said, "but let's not overdo it." Whereupon he sent out for a broom so members of his staff could draw straws. Moral: There is such a thing as carrying innocence too far. I guess. Cardboard Cops ALREWAS, England (UPI) The Alrewas village council is planning to station life-size cardboard policemen on the main street to discourage speeders. 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