The Kansas City Star from Kansas City, Missouri • 49

3 THE KANSAS CITY STAR, SUNDAY, JULY 15, 1923. 9D THE HERO OF THE USUAL VACATION 1 OUR SET TAKES A TRIP 10 PARADISE AND BACK 3 PAYING THE SCANNED RESORT FOLDERS THE GLORIOUS PLAN THE SLIM BANK ACCOUNT THE LOAN THE DEPARTURE THE TRAVELER'S DAY DREAM 10 11 THE ARRIVAL THE GRAND HOTEL THE GOLF THE DANCE THE SLIM 13 BANK ACCOUNT THE LOAN 14 17 18. KY DALE. BE RONIUR THE. DEPARTURE THE ARRIVAL HOME THE TRAVELER'S NIGHT- MARE THE AWAKENING- THE GLORIOUS PLAN AGAIN THE SCANNED FOLDERS ETC tO What A Few Shots Of Scopolamin Might Do by in chase tween the scene broad breaths away in spaces, a out comedy where here an actor is no better than his double, am reading about the Dempsey Gibpons fight.

In no business is a man entitled to more than he can draw, and every man is entitled to a fair share of every cent he can draw. One of the boys in the picture just remarked that they should shut both of these fighters up in a room alone and then open the door and see what had happened. Why, they would find Dempsey had sold Gibbons something and that Kerns was waiting outside to get 50 per cent. Will Rogers ELL, as I write this, be- Say, we have a discoverer out here in California, a Dr. House of Texas, who has invented a serum called "ScopoJamin," a thing that when injected into you will make you tell the truth, at least for a while, anyway.

Now, I don't know that the stuff is any good, but he certainly come to the right state to get material to try it on. If he can make us fellows in California tell the truth REAL ESTATE REAL ESTATE "THE ONLY FAILURE WAS A LOS ANGELES REAL ESTATE AGENT. THEY BROKE THREE NEEDLES TRYING TO ADMINISTER THE SERUM AND IT TURNED BLACK THE MINUTE IT TOUCHED HIM." his experiment will be a total success. He don't have to look for subjects-just Jab his needle into the first guy out here and await results. He only has to ask one question if he has a Californian under his spell.

All he has to do is ask him if he don't think it is a very hot day? If patient his experiment is an says, "yes," why assured success. But if the patient says, "Well, it is warm today, but that is Very why, he for might just as well throw unusual this time of the year," then his serum in the creek. It is a failure. They started in by trying it on some I convicts in various prisons out here. don't know on what grounds they reain Jail is a bigger liar son that a than sire out of jail.

The chances are that telling the truth is what got him in there. Anyway, it has worked wonman they tried it on said ders; every he didn't commit the crime. The chances are he would have said the same thing if the injection had been hydrant water instead of scopolamin. But it has done wonders outside the jail and has proven that really has Aladdin qualities. They tried it on a star in Hollywood and masculine movie he agent told his him.

right They salary then and tried it on press al his quit movie staress and she recalled things back as far as her first husband's name, and remembered her real maiden name. They tried it on a movie magnate from New York who manufactures moving pictures, and when he came out from under the influence of it, and found they had had an interpreter there and took his speech down in English and he had told what his pictures really cost, he committed suicide. Their only failure to date has been a Angeles real estate agent. They broke three needles trying to administer the stuff to him and it turned black the minute it touched him, so they had to give him up. He sold Dr.

House three lots before he got out of the operating room. It really is a wonderful thing and if it could be brought into general use it would no doubt be a big aid to humanity. But it will never be, for already the politicians are up in arms against it. It would ruin the very foundation on which our political government is run. If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics.

Everybody in jails are for it for they want to prove their innocence, but everybody out of jails are against it for they will get themselves under its in fluence. Even ministers are denouncing it now. So the chances are that this learned Texan will return to obscurity the same as his illustrious namesake of the same state, Colonel House, who also had great plans of an ideal existence among nations of the world without conflict. Humanity is not yet ready for either real truth or real harmony. So I look for these two House boys to finish back on their original lots.

Well, as I pen these never-to-be-remembered lines, President Harding is wending his way westward, the advance guard of the 1924 election. He canvassed Denver on "The Enforcement of the Law." The bootleggers all agreed with him that the stricter the law is enforced the better it will make prices. Why, in some places, it was getting terrible; the prices had dropped to almost what they before the law went in. If there is were one thing that will starve out bootlegging it is cheap prices. Next Mr.

Harding went to Salt Lake City. He spoke in the Mormon tabernacle on "Thou shall have no other before thee." Mr. Senator Elder Reed Smoot introduced Mr. Harding by wives what the lately passed tariff bill telling had done for Utah and Sugar and what it had done to the housewives. Then he went into Idaho, just to to people that Borah does come prove from somewhere.

A hundred people have heard of Borah that never heard It was a wise move on the of Idaho. President's part, for up to then Idaho thought Borah was President. But Mr. Borah was a good went right with him and adsport and mitted to the people that Mr. Harding was President.

Well, Senator Borah certainly acted of the real host. He never word against his guest until he said a had left. Then he started in taking President's speeches apart to see the made 'em stop. So, in Idaho, it what the case of the lion and the lamb was down together. But the lamb had government detectives to see that lying the lion didn't walk in his sleep.

So long, readers, I will meet you next in Alaska. (Copyright, 1923.) Different Methods. From the Boston Transcript, Brown--My wife writes me every few days from the resort for more money. Does yours? Jones -No: I gave my wife all the had before she went and now I money I have to write to her when I want some. Not Encouraging.

From the Boston Transcript. Mistress--I'm sorry there isn't more accommodations in your room, closet Norah. Cook--Don't worry, mum. New enough in one place to never stays long unpack me trunks. CROSS QUESTIONS.

Do ships have eyes when they go to sea? Are there springs in the ocean's bed? Does a "jolly tar" ooze from a tree? Can a river lose its head? What kind of food is a watchman's beat? Can an old hen sing her lay? Can a poem trip without its feet? What notes does a banker play? Will a blacksmith's vise condemn his soul? Can a book be white and read? To whom does a church bell pay its toll? Who shingles a water shed? If a minstrel boy can sing his lay, ship sing its "lay Do tigers ask for grace when they prey? Can a bugle note come due? Will a foreign clime make anyone tired? Is a mountain climb like May? Can a haul of fish for balls be hired? Can donkeys feed on a bray? Is a purchase made when shoes are soled? Can an ax the rainbow hue? If I keep on twisting the tale I've told; Pray what will you readers do? A Sure Way. 58) Grace-Our guests seem terribly dull tonight, George, I can't get them to talk. George--Why not play the piano, dear? Aunt Het. "A wife is a fool if she thinks she can hold a husband with a pair of pretty ankles and a curl at the nape of her neck. Ankles and curls are nice things to have, but they ain't much satisfyin' to a man that's pinin' for good victuals." Prunes and Prisms By GRAMMAR Percival Prim, The Perfect Speaker.

WHO MERITS THE PALM? most notable service performed THE Who for it that mankind- offered prize? was a Was it Pulitzer? Nobel? Who was it I pray? Don't know? You are not very wise. Just how many thousands were offered? Don't know? This one fact, at least you may know, That Percival's going to capture that prize, It should have been his long ago. A conservative estimate shows that The Star Has 1 million readers each day, Each paper, three readers (you know there are more), Led into the straight narrow way, Of careful, correct and grammatical speech! What work could be greater, I pray? Just think of one million, who once said "He knowed." One million who said, "He begun it," One million who once said, "How tall you have growed," One million who once said, "He done it." One million, who now scan each noun and each verb, To see that they rightly Percival's service performed for mankind. What work any greater could be? Yes, what greater service could anyone show, No matter how brilliant his mind Than one million speakers, with eloquence charged, Who never once mention "those kind." Who better? The doctors cure bodily Ills, They are helpful, one cannot deny; Equal glory, at least, should be his, who has taught One million to use lay and lie. the doctors may help, and the doctors may cure, Their measure of praise all give gladly; A measure far greater to him who has made One million stop saying "feel badly." Legislators? Along with their queer freakish work, May come some beneficent law, Far greater the service of him who can boast One million redeemed from "hagne saw." One million, who once said: told her and 1." Now saying: "She told her and me." One million who said: "If it wus," "though it aint," Who say: "Though it were," "If it be." Philanthropists do a great work, I admit.

In fact, they quite closely compare With him who has taught a whole million at once, To leave off "this here" and "that there" Taught a million who now say: "I don't know but that." Who once said: don't know but what." A million who now say "try to." not "try and," Taught a million to loathe: "I ain't got." Artists, writers, musicians? Their work all admire. Their laurels let no man disturb, More laurels to him who perfected a plan That has tamed the irregular verb. No instances, further, are, needed to show, Unless you are wilfully blind, From whom the most notable service has come To benefit all of mankind. So page, if you please, the kind, generous souls, Now wandering in regions afar Tell their trustees to hand out ten thousand or 80 To Percival Prim, in The Star. Can't Be Did.

When his visit at midnight is ended, And he stands with his hat in his fist; While she lovingly lingers beside him, To bid him adieu and be kissed: How busy his thoughts of the future, You can bet that his thoughts do not speak; He is wondering how they can manageTo live on his ten bucks a week. LEHIGH BURR. Foretelling the Result The truth sometimes hurts. Brown saw it illustrated the other day by two youngsters, He overheard the conversation just at the point where the smaller one said to the larger: "I'll go, I guess, if mamma'll let me." "Oh, I wouldn't worry about that," the larger boy replied. "Just tell her "No, sir," the smaller interrupted.

"I'm going to tell her just how it is. Then if she'll let me go, all right." "Shoot!" exclaimed the larger. "We might just as well give it up then!" "She is such a dear girl and she loves flowers devotedly." "Yes, I suppose so. Most girls who love flowers devotedly are dear girls." That Happy Day There are certainly a lot of ins and outs to owning a motor car, and everyone who has driven a car that was about five years out of date and somewhat wheezy in the engine will appreciate the following: "I am certainly getting a lot of pleasure out of that old car of mine now," Brown announced at the office. "Well, that's news," Curtis commented.

"How come?" "I've sold the old boat!" Brown calmly explained. He Knew Her. From the Boston Transcript, Wife- had such an interesting conversation this afternoon. Hub--And who was the listener? Willie Willis. That little Walker girl with the curls called little Willie Willis "Smarty" Tuesday morning, and now he says all women are alike and he's going to be a pirate and face death every hour.

Visit To Af Great Neck Estate' by Ring Lardner EOPLE that don't live on Long that show Island for if places the any last of may 4 or not 5 of has wks. heard been the same open to the public for a couple hrs. every Saturday and everybody that wanted to get a eyeful of same has paid a a $1.00 and the receipts of same is going to be turned over to a school for gals. Well for some reason another the committee did not put our joint on the list and the public is said to be making a terrible squawk on acct. of same so we have decided en famille to keep open house between 2 and 3 A.

M. every holtday during August and have cut the price to $.25 for adults and $12.00 for children and the proceeds will be turned over in person to the Long Island chapter of Blind Caddies. Though what is boisterously referred to as our may not be no bigger than Sam Harris's bath mat, still and all we feel like it will provide a interesting hr. for people interested in old furniture and vegetables, in fact hardily a day passes but what finds a collector one kind another at the front or back door of the joint which I might state that the reason it is called a joint is because they's a mortgage Co. over in Mineola that claims to be a joint owner.

If you enter the estate by motor the 1st thing that attracts your tension is the driveway which we rent out in the spring as a practice grounds for steeple jacks. This driveway is aptly nicknamed mountain on acct. of how many engines has been killed trying to get up it. TENNIS COURT LONG IN BUILDING. Once up the driveway, which is hardily ever the 1st time, you come to the parking space which is also used as a outdoor sleeping porch for the kiddies' bicycles.

Having stepped out of your costly motor onto the bicycles, the client next limps to the family garage, where adjoining stalls is shared by a unpaid for touring car, the first D- sedan and a cow with a Jersey license. Students of dead languages will be interested in the mysterious signs infesting the walls such as Plesse no smoke and Bill Lardner is a d- -l. Hard by the garage lays the tennis court now nearing completion. The man that begun work on quit when he was awarded the. contract for the Brooklyn bridge, since then many different experts has took a hand in the construction retiring on a pension when old age claimed its own.

Great Neckers who likes to boast of their long residents in this wonder city is frequently heard exclaiming why I remember when Lardners started their tennis court. All and all it is said that enough clay has been put on the court and took off again to make full length statues of over the former Follies girls that has married Yale men. Inside the house the customer is first escorted down in the basement where he may see a ton of real coal and a empty pt. bottle that says Schlitz on it. A couple minutes glance at these gruesome objects is genally always enough and the visitor is glad to mount again to the ground floor where he enters the dinning rm.

where they's a spot on rug which has been identified as part of the gravy served the day Garfield was assassinated. In one corner of the living rm. is seen a grandfather's clock which students has told me that it could of been built since 1914 and was maybe built a whole yr. before that which would make it 10 yrs, old, an age when hardily anybody is even thinking of becoming a grandfather unlest you include insect life. Opening the door of the clock one observes a doughnut fried by the next to the last Jap that left us and is now used as one of the weights for the clock.

The light bulbs in the living rm. is another point which can't fail to evoke squawks of delight from lovers of the antique. But the prize relic of the lot is found on a table in the hall and is a first edition of the N. Y. city telephone directory bound in brownish yellow and sent us by the company themselves 3 or 4 yrs.

ago. Friends have told us that a couple new editions of this rare work has been broughten out since but the new ones don't contain nowheres near as many names of dead people and if a person wants a alphabetical list of the men who founded New York, or New Ams DICK INSIDE THE HOUSE THE CUSTOMER I8 FIRST ESCORTED DOWN IN THE BASEMENT WHERE HE MAY SEE A TON OF REAL COAL AND AN EMPTY PT. BOTTLE THAT SAYS SCHLITZ ON IT. terdam as it was called then, this book is where to look for same. TROUSERS THAT MADE HISTOBY.

On the 2d. floor is the domitories and most of the curios is assembled in the master's bed rm. Amongst these is the pr. of white trousers that was made for the master to play golf in them with President Harding and come from the tailor kind of soiled so they had to be sent to the cleaners and when we appeared in them at Washington the present administration was embarrassed for the first time. This rm.

also boasts the only one way screen Long. Island which the mosquitos don't seem to have no trouble in getting through it on a empty stomach but the meshes is too small for them to get out after a heavy meal. Other relics to be found in the closet and the dresser drawers is keys from practically every hotel in the two big leagues, two or three checks drawed to our order on banks which don't recall ever having met the boys that signed them and a season pass for 1914 to the Federal League ball pk. in Buffalo. These is only a few of the attractions and could go on all day numerating same and visitors is guaranteed their money's worth of same but is warned to not go too near the children or put their hands inside the cages.

Great Neck, Long Island, July 18. (Copyright, 1928.) a a a Costly. FOLKS BACK HOME. Sketches by J. H.

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