The Topeka Daily Capital from Topeka, Kansas • Page 16

its THE TOPEKA DAILY CAPITAL? SUNDAY, OCTOBER 4, 1891. The Interview was a mutual JACK'S BUDDING HOPES. STLE I -BUT FOB KATIE production, and was not to be published till ho died. I now give it to the public. "Mr.

Billions," I comxMEced, "wur were you educated?" ASKS EfU. NYE WHAT HE MUST DO TO BE EMINENT. Arranged by JOHN S. BAKER. Words and Music by MICHAEL NOLAN, Composer of Little Annie Roonty.9 "Pordtmk, Pa." "How old are you?" "I was born 150 years old and have been growing young ever since.

3 1 i -9 1 Tempo di Vahe.f 1 3t 1 1 William Tel, Him Story Tonnr Mmm Wko Suddenly Koa to Great Height Try It, Astarlsk, and Jump Off Wbea Tou Gt There. ICopyrtght, 1851, by Edar W. Eye.J Ceaio-Nos, Buncombe N. October, 1891. The followfeff letter his been waitinjr for some time, bat other have interfered with a1 prompt reply: GunooN, Aug; 18, TSJL Edgar W.

Wye, AshevCla, N. Dkab Sik -Fr neTral years I hare been a reader jf your excellent Bill Nye" articles, and, being 'somewhat young and literaryly Inclined, have longed for a bit of advice from your pen. Probably while the delegation are waiting" Just outside yocr door you could drop a few ye" auggeU into my receptacle and they would never be disced. "Are you married? "Once." "How many children have you? "Doublets." "What other vices have you?" "None." "What is your profession?" "Agriculture and alminasing." "How do you account for your deficient knowledge in spelling?" "Bad spells during infancy, and poor memory." "What things are you the most liable to forget?" "Sermons and debts." "What professions do you like best?" "Auctioneering, baseball and A- The Use Of rttrsh, crastlo pnrjati ve to reHwe, oostiTS ness is a dan? srou ymctlre, end more liable to astca the disease on tna petteat than to. cure It.

What Is needed Is a nwfilcine that, In effectnally cpening tha bowel correct the costive habit nd establishes natural oaily action. Suoh an aperient Is fcranda Ayer's Pills, which, whUe thorough in action, strengthen weU aa stimulate tho bowels and excretory organs. For eight years I was afflicted with constipation, wbioh at last becano so bad that the doctort oould do no more for xn. Than I began to take Ayer's PUls, and soon tas tvvrels became regular and natural in their movements. I am now In exoellenthealth, -Wa H.

DeLaucett, Derset, Oat. "When I tel the need of a eathartie, I take Ayer's Pills, and find them to be mora Effective than aiy other pill I ever took. Mrs. B. a Grabb, BurwelMUe, Va.

years IkaTaheen subject to coasts nation aad cervousfeead rangempntof the liver. Aftr tklajrTWteM remedies, I have beoxae ooavlaceC that Ayer'a Fill i tie best. Tar haacver tailed to relieve bilious attacks short time; and I am sure my system returns its tone longer tf ter the us at teee Fillvthan has beca the case with any Ctber mediclna I hare S. Bledfi Weimax, Tx. Ayer's Pilfs, FBIMUB BT Dr.

JT. O. AYEH Ikwc11, Haas. Sold by all Sealers la Mediclaa. 22: -o- "23 He did not benave this.

So he lingered near, and pretty toon he saw a clergyman with the manuscript of a sermon under his arm and heard him ask to see Mr. Must. This gave him an idea. He would also ask to see Mr. Must as soon as the clergyman came back.

So he took out his second papers, and where the blank occurred regarding what he wished to see Mr. Must for he wrote, "Wish to see Mr. Must regarding scoop." Then he was bidden td coma. He thought hard all the way up trying to have an idea, for the paper offered as high as $2.75 apiece for ideas at that time. When he got there he was Beared almost to death, but the editor greeted him rather kindly and said: "WellT with a rising inflection.

"I had an idea in the elevator," said Ambrose, for that was the name of our hero, "that it would be a good idea to send a man down to Coney island and let him write it up." "For the paper?" asked the editor, pounding on the wall with the draw-head from a wreck which he once participated in. "Yes, for the papr," said Ambrose, "for the first page." "Well," said the editor, "I have thought of that. I thought of it eighteen years ago. We have had spells of thinking of it ever since. So have the other papers.

Are you a native of New York?" "No, sir; I am a native of Bellefonte, Ohio. 1 got here early this morning." "I judged that you had not lived here always. You are too considerate of other people's feelings to pass for a native of New York. But you can acquire that metropolitan air if you try. If you go up to the slaughter house and drink hot blood for a month, then come and ride on the elevated road, you will get that you will find me, awk ward, stand -ing means to take it, 1.

Aft er busi-ness 2. You may think it a How her fa ther Ev ry night as sure as In a bus street like When he hears tha news, for- 3 3C "What was the best thing said by out old friend Artemu3 Ward?" 0- 1 1 i- 6 3 "All the pretty girls in "Utah marry -0r Of 4 3C Young." "Do you believe in the final salvation of all men?" "I do let me pick the men!" In the evening Josh and I reviewed the interview and pronounced it faith -X X- fully rendered, and then he gave me the following specimen of his handwriting: 121 is: 1- Wait ing for Could you meet When he learns At the cor ner of But I'm sure you would won der what he'll say my so it the street here, not mind it, to Ka tie, fate, this sooth, Pr: "3T5" -j x-1 man-about-town air." "Yes, sir." "But yon look fatigued, and your clothes are old. Look at your trousers, how they bag at the areal" "Yes, I am told that they do, sir, but one cannot beat one's way from Cincinnati here and keep the crease in both legs of one's panties and have them drape alike when he arrives here. Folks tell me that they are rather out at elbows, sir, but, thank God, they cover a warm heart." "I see," said the editor, "that you have a wonderful command of language. Eli Perkins' Thirty Years of Wit.

Thought as the Banker Did. A banker, while talking to one of hi3 12- at clerks, said, "Arthur, a man never amounts to much in this life until he 1 Nearly every pattern of fforss Blanket is imitated in color arid style. In most cases the imitation looks just as good as the genuine, but it hasn't tlte warp tJireads, ana so lacks strength, and whilei't sella for only a little less than the genu ine it isn'tworth one-half as muchi The fact that A Horse Blankets are copied Is strong evidence that they are THE STANDARD, and every, buyer should see that gets married." Eer Of course I've bon sweet is Young See That nie Kate; a miss; the truth. has quite till all this con for bid den is si lent, so la tion. pa pa 1 wait at least "I think so myself, sir," the young men there's my man replied.

"Glad you are so ready to agree with 1 will give you a chance, though the 1- A 1 me. Arthur, for I have takem quite a -V. ZL -X- liking to yon. How old are you?" is: 3t "Twenty-one, sir." AT Till! ELEVATOR. I nave hsard that you encouraged young scribbler to indulge in writing to you by anbvvearins there tiresome sheets by return mail, as, undoubtedly, you were prompted to do.

Unknowingly I make the experiment. How would you advise a young man of a litorary bent, and possessing a keen sense for that which la unusual or humorous? How BhRll he find the market without money or influence? la humorous writing remunerative? Can you cite an Instance in regard to your gaining literary notoriety? Hleas tlon't dispair at this. It Is mearly the Introduction of what a bore can do. Possibly too, shall be eminent some day, and in lieu of this great inripoufcibility will close as the opportunity presents. Please comply.

Very' sincerely, The above letter ia written by a young man who needs information about as Beverely aw a ay one with whom I have ever up. 1 put three asterisks in place of his name in order to shield his family. Thia is only a specimen of one kind of correspondent out of a list of a great many hundreds. 1 pause to wonder where they all come from. PussiEg over the first paragraph, which is kind, flattering and fulsome, let us come at once to what Mr.

Asterisk Mr. Jack Asterisk, if 3-ou please 4- Sr "Plenty old to marry. Arthur, and I the trade mark is swed on the inside of the Blanket. 4 would advise you to begin looking around." I have been looking around, and I -X- have found a voune lady, and she has office is full of idle men. You would think that the office ought seek the man, Ambrose, but it is not so here.

I will give you an assignment. Go to the top of Trinity ppire and write it np. Bring your stuff tomorrow. At the elevator give the good hailing sign, and repeat the word You will be admitted." Ambrose knew that this was only a polite way of getting rid of him, but he asked a policeman to show him Trinity church, and he went up in the spire alone. He cried a little up there, for as he looked out over the big, smoky city he thought that in that great swarming Five MM Bess Electrlo Extra Test Baker promised to be my wife." "Good.

I hope she is worthy of "I think she is, sir." "Glad you think so. Who is she, J5- 321 1 luant ah Arthur?" LMMETS 1 HO US Your daughter, sir." THE STRONGEST. ARE The young fellow does not work at the In con Be fore So there to the house to go, no one pass ing by, heart is just and right, of which I whis tie, ture on the wliis tie, shall fond ly whis tie se quence 1 ven fore I 100 5A STYLES bank now. Aikansaw Traveler. at prices to suit everybody.

If you can't gel 'human hive, as he had called it at them from your dealer, write us. Ask fox By Invitation. the 5a Book. You can get it without charge. Mrs.

Binks Why didn't you come home in The Advance, he had no friend. Here, even under the golden cross of the church, he was alone. It was a piti WM. AY RES SONS, Philadelphia. home to dinner? 5 tfv- Small Son I had my dinner, ma.

-a- ful thought, and Ambrose hungered for took dinner with Willie Minks. his home away in Ohio; but with a big "Did Mrs. Minks invite you?" sob in his throat ho sharpened his pencil J- 1 "Yes, ma. 1 smelled apple dumplings and looked about him, for he had a keen sense for the unusual. cooking, and I told her I liked apple 3f dumplings awful." Cut with a knife on the little window If "Oh, you did?" frame by his side he read: "Yes'm.

Then she said maybe if I CHORUS. went home I'd find you had apple dump 4- MORTIMER and DOROTHY. lings for dinner too." really wants to know. In tho first place, I do as often and as lucidly and pellucidly as I can with what few talents 1 may embrace, answer the inquirers who have something to inquire for, if 1 am able to supply the Information. First then.

Jack, you should know what yon want to inquire for, and, secondly, yon should know how to spell it. Then any one would be glad to drop the information into your receptacle. Undoubtedly! Now comes tho query, "IIow would you' advise a young man of a literary bent and possessing a keen sense for that wliieh is unusual or humorous?" 1 would advise such an one to avail himself of it and enjoy it Few people are blest with a keen Bense of the unusual It should be fostered. You ask nest, How shall he find the market without money or influence?" He will naturally have great difficulty. The market for a keen sense of the un-csual was never more panicky than it is "Humphr July 4.

"Yes'm. But I told her yours was al- wavs so neavy pa woman let me eau I am. wait ing That was all; but he Just to let my Known a lone to For my Ka tie any, an then she invited me to sit down. true love know. 'Kata and ev njght.

names and wove around took those two them a story of humanity. He Good News. tender possibility and The Wrong Place. Bingo How is the new servant girl no getting on? Laaves a Delicate Lsathi Odor After fdn Mrs. Bingo She gone.

If nrable to procure RnAiroojf BOAl nend Kctn stamps and receive a eeke re torn mall. Bingo Gone. Why, what's the mat JAS. S.KIRK Chicago, ter? fihandon Bells Waltz (tha pop ular Society Walt) fent FBEK OTOne mboa Mrs. Bingo My dresses didn't fit her.

Cloak Review. i i T7 1 tar ub three vrrappcrsoitaanaon tteunoamp. Bend lOo In stamps for sample bottle EtumOon Bells Per time now. vv ltuout mney or innuence you will have quite a long search before you will get your price. To tell you the A Question of Altitude.

Clara Sav. dear. I've changed mil- honest and never dying truth. Asterisk, ioux City liners. -I 1 32: there is no market for a keen sense for the unusual or humorous.

It is a good thing to have, for your life will be longer Maude Oh, what did you do that for? Clara Well, you see, my old one was only five feet high, and Tve got to have some new theater hats. Cloak Review. here" to greet Blue eyed Kate with kiss es sweet Er 'ry and sweeter for having it. Don't market it at all, any more than you would And Northern Railroad Go. Guaranteed.

Always the same. A notice in a late market your keen relish for what is good beautiful. You doubtless want to find a market, not for your keen sense of the unusual, but for your ability to issue of a Berlin paper: 1 1 1 1 1 K- 1 1 3 "Isaac Goldskin and his wife respect fully invite their friends to be present at describe such things in an entertaining way, and you cannot deliver the goods their guaranteed pure silver wedding, etc" Fliegende Blatter. at present, I fear. Learn first to write good Traffic Managers' Office JO- rJ-S English.

53 Write at a mark for eight or nine years 1 T' I SIOUX CITY. To Take the Curse Off. Edison is said to have invented an au -t and let up on busy people, if you please. I once knew a young man who decided tomatic piano player. Tnis won't da to go to New York and to try to get AIT TXSTAXCE OF LITERARY XOTORTETT.

If we have to listen to the piano let us have a pretty girl to operate it. New York Press. put in the high lights of happiness and job on the metropolitan press. He had practiced on a country paper for sev Don't be a Snail. frfit.

a move on You. Hehli 1 -i j21 the shadows of, sorrow as they must come, dear Asterisk, to all of us. He eral years, and had received a cyclopedia and a reversible wall man as a re your town by hustling in iti night at the end of the street. whis -tie and wait for Ka tio. ward for hia genius and toil.

So he said wrote on as the sun went down, and thought not of his hunger and the homeless, pitiless, scadless night that was coming on. He wrote while the shadows to himself: "I will go to New York. The Old Soldier's Consistency. "Where's old General Skipp now?" "He's in a retreat." "By Jovel He always was." Truth. Xearing; the End.

Turkeys will soon realize the meaning This life is killhig me. It is time to call interest, therereby aavanc-; ing your own. A BmalE amount of energy accom-nlishes a vast amount of ft halt. He did not take a trunk be lengthened in the churchyard and the roar of business along Broadway died down to a sort mercantile purr. of full crops.

Union County (N. good, if properly applied 1 8 Then he took his "copy" and went up Standard. oster nome enterprise. the Bowery to whera one may abide all An exhibit which will be very extensive HelD those who help them night for fifteen cents. There he abode and varied will be that of building stone.

the night. But he did not care. He was selves. Travel via. th Granite, limestone, marble, sandstone and happy.

He did not have to sleep there bluestone, in scores of varieties and scores .1 1 Sioux City Northern railroad between Sioux City any more. The editor read his little ttcry aioxui fc'U fcif voir grt 'sky and of colors, will be shown by the finest spec imens procurable. then he read it to himself. and St. Paul and the north iiunarens 01 men are engaged on every possible sort of construction work at the east and west.

Ihey will JNow Ambrose is mmseir a managing editor, and has engraved visiting cards fair grounds. Laying water mains, electric light plant, modeling for the exterior cret a move on you, at no a with "Mister" on them. decorative work and developing landscape You ask if I can cite an instance in pnail-like pace, either. cause he said it would only be a burden to him, and on hot day when the sun was bringing out all the hidden fragrance tkat a century has concealed be-' tween the heated paving stones of Newspaper row, he found the door which led Into the inhospitable dwelling of the great newspaper upon which he had decided to bestow himself. Everybody about him looked bo cool And superior that he hated himself because he perspired so, and he knew that even the elevator bov looked down on him.

lie felt homesick, and when he took out his handkerchief to wipe his brow he accidentally pulled out a little red pincushion that his sister gave him when he started for town. It smote on Ids heart very heavily, Mr. Asterisk, and be compared the welcome he generally Ifot at wjth tfrw chUJy glare he got When came to town, When he mastered this courage, took a deep breath and stepped into the elevator; the elevator boy pushed him back and asked him whom he desired to eee. Then it came over him that he did not know the editor atid that, probably, effects around the ornamental waters. regard to my gaining literary notoriety.

The exposition directory has taken action Write to James V. Ma honev. Traffic Man acre. and I reply with my hand on my heart under which adequate insurance will lie that, so far as I know, I cannot. placed upon all persons and property for i which it can be held habie during the fair.

Sioux City, for full is formation. And now, if I have been of service to you or any one who may read these 1 -Js It is the intention to place an insurance ot i something like $300,000,000 on the exhibits. lines, 11 mere De in tnis oner note a 8 grain of goodness which you may pick HINTS TO HOUSEKEEPERS. RUBBER STAMPS, SEALS, 11 STIZSCILS ETC. up and fila away, I am repaid that is.

of course, figuratively speaking and Whites of may be beaten to a stiff Largest and Best Equipped with this, and hoping that possibly I froth by an open window when it would be impossible in a steamy kitchen. too, may be eminent some day, and in lieu of this great impossibility, will jrl Powdered flint class ground to an impal Stamp Works in the State. Send for Circulars and J. C. BARL1 KB.

linns close, as the opportunity presents. Very g5 0D Alen's Congress and. Lace Shoes 4.00 The EeoTle are Hifflit! dO Cf At pable powder and mixed with the white of an egg makes one of the strongest cements 3 sincerely, he never would. The elevator boy gave him a blank replevin to fill out, statins known. Ah a ml a n.n.u a r-wa tat less thaa taor ar worth Half a lemon dipped In salt will do all whom ha wished to eee and also on what EELTIfJC.

LtfJK the work of oxalic acid in cleaning copper So.CU neither do they want to pay extraordinary priees. eaa oid tn b7 making their purchase, of RELIABLE DEAXERS 02IiY. business, whether friendly or otherwise, boilers, brass teakettles and other copper Tbe BesL Now Us whether married or single, and if bo, how or brass utensils. it agreed with him. Bend for l.uu juo jjukkon Bna Aiacs, ail Roasts thas should be Juicy come to the He sont this up to tho editor and got An Interview with.

Josh Billings. table as drv as nasteboard because the REDUCED PRICE LIST OO, Dealers to the People, 705 Kansas Ave oven was not hot enough at first to instant word that the editor had gone to Honolulu to etart a branch ofilce. but would vv hue baratoga, a year before Josh Billings died, we went up to my room ly harden the outer surface and prevent i tax tat ti umn i us 1 the escape of its juices. and snent an. entire afternoon ou an in- be backjn the ejrpnz..