The Charlotte Observer from Charlotte, North Carolina • E5

THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER www.charlotte.com WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 6, 2004 In keeping with the times, Chuck Thurston of Kannapo- lis, working with the Not-so- Swift Boat Veterans for Revi- sionist Trooth, has debunked more American heroes. For example, what Paul Re- vere really said was, by land, by sea; can do what you want, gonna Also, Franklin D. Roosevelt used the leg braces and wheel- chair as props. He was just an- other posturing, shiftless liber- al who only wanted to be wheeled around and supported by the labor of others. Gen.

George famous pearl-handled sidearm was re- ally a Buckaroo cap gun. He was actually a gun control geek and his of the was really an attempt to lose weight. The flag-raising on Iwo Jima was a media event to sell war bonds another liberal plot in support of a collectivist, social- ist scheme to raise money from hard-working Americans for government purposes. Best one we heard today We heard this one in line at the grocery store: Three construction workers had lunch on the 25th floor of a tower they were building. They were pals: an Irish-American guy, a Mexican-American guy, and a blond-American guy.

The Irish guy looked at his lunch and said, I get corned beef and cabbage one more time, jump off of The Mexican guy looked at his lunch and said, I get ta- males once more, The blond guy looked at his and said, I get baloney and cheese once more, The next day the Irish guy opened his lunch, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican guy saw his tamales and jumped to his death, and the blond guy saw his baloney and cheese and also jumped to his death. The wakes all were held to- gether, and the Irish wife cried, only known, I would have made him said the Mex- ican wife, have made him look at said the blond wife. made his own Help for the busy guy From the Internet, via our friend George Tubbs, these Housekeeping Hints 1. You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later, you have to start all over again.

2. time to clean out the re- frigerator when something closes the door from inside. 3. fry chicken naked. 4.

engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum. 5. If guys were supposed to hang up clothes, be more doorknobs. 6. Cobwebs on lampshades reduce the glare, creating a ro- mantic atmosphere.

7. When writing your name in the dust on the table, leave out the date. All about England entry in your clip- Encyclopedia Out- Frontica is: England. File it un- der for England is a country on an island near Europe. It has been there for a long time, and has a lot of history.

Early inhabitants included the Celts, who made kilts, the Picts, who made pacts, the Alto-Saxes, who made beauti- ful music, and the Norsemen, who made trouble. Probably because of the complete lack of any mention of Norsewomen. In 1983 (or anyway, some four-digit date like that) En- gland was invaded by Norman the Conker. He conked all the Alto-Saxes on the head, and set up a kingship. Kinging became the family business, when Nor- sons succeeded him.

Well, actually, some of them failed him. England has no king today. But loaded with queens. Doug Robarchek: (704) 358-5233; OUTFRONT Doug Robarchek Book reveals falsehoods in political tale.