The Sedalia Weekly Bazoo from Sedalia, Missouri • Page 4

THE SEP ALIA "WEEKLY BAZOO, TUESDAY, MAY 30, 1882. SEDALIA BAZOO Publish: J. WEST GOODWIN, TEKMS OF SUBSCBf PriON BV MAIL P03TAGK FRKE. DaCr, including Sunday, per year 00 Sunday edition, per year 2 50 Weekly, 52 numbers, per ear i 00 fcailr, delivered in the city, per week- 15 KKWS DEALERS ftegnlarly supplied at cents per copy. All subscriptions are payable in advance, and Bscontinued at the end of time paid for.

HOW TO SEND MONEY. Remittances may be made by draft, money order egistered letter, at our risk. Give postoffice address in full, including state and count and ddes J. WEST GOODWIN, Sedalia Mo. WEEKLY BAZOO.

SEDALIA, TUESDAY, MAY 30, 1SS2. WHERE ARE THEY The sad case of Miss Zou Watkins affords opportunity for a bit of moral izing upon a subject which appeals ers of the land. Here is a young girl of fifteen years, and physical ruin, uutil at last the hungry whirl has caught her aud with one sudden plunge she sinks into the dark cavern of pollution and sensu ality. There is but a wtrd to fathers and mothers: Guard these sweet treasures of your household and hearts with the watchfulness of a miser hoarding his gold. Remember, they are but human, with all the frailties and week-nesses of our common nature.

Shield them from companionship which would be unworthy an angel's contact, and keep them within the hallowed influence of home. Tell them of the shame which always fol-lows a bold and forward life, and lead them to worship at the altar of mod esty, virtue and trutht. A TEXAS -1RACT. NEVADA NUGGETS 1 I As Collected by a Representative of the Bazoo. It seems, from the statement of our ery strongly to the fathers and moth- correspondent to-day, from Head of uuu young limrneu umu of that neighborhood is one of the of only fair personal attractions, mod- "suspects" of the late stage robbery, est and sensitive, who has been sud- and the Pursuit gettinS so close caused denly lost to her parents, mayhap to mm SK1P tne one the world, and for whose recovery of those reported of good family, as is unceasing efforts are made by her usual of late, and leaves a family of father, friends and the police force of VOUDg children and a heart-broken, a great city, But they have found helpless wife.

In two instances of the her not. ate traiii robbery, young Gullatt was In the search for this girl some un- delivered to tne authorities by his expected and startling discoveries have own father, and James T. Martin was 1 1 ITT Wn mdp OtViPr mcintr rirls kvp arrested oy ins uncif HOll. rj. been found; girls who have left the Truitt, a member of our present leg protection and purity of their homes islature.

When parents and friends Correspondence of the Bazoo. Nevada, May 25, '82. This city, the county seat of Vernon county, is 233 miles southwest of Hannibal and 2S0 miles from St. Louis, and is, without doubt, one of the most important towns in the southwest. Her citizens are progressive, energetic, money-making peo ple, anu are in love with their city and the beautiful country about them.

Improvements are constantly being made, and the watchword seems to be "forward." Sixteen new brick buildings ars now under contract, besides many frame structures. H. C. Moore, owner and builder of Nevada's pride, the ojera house, has already commenced rebuilding, and even on a more elaborate scale than before, as all 4 he mistakes in the construction of the first (if anv reallv existed) will be reme died in the new house. There are five papers four weekly and one dailv published in this citv.

and they all display an energy that would do credit to a much more pretentious place. Of the prominent citizens, onlv a few can be mentioned, as want of space forbids an extenued list. 1 hey are H. C. Moore, F.

B. Morris, C. Ritchie, A. J. Dawson, W.

W. Prewitt, Ronime Keck, Conklinir to lead a life of shame and ruin. The story told by these girls is the old one of trust and then ruin Paul Thornton, John Tyler, Capt. Harrv Mitchell, of the Rockford house, J. TQuarles, Ingel McGinnis, W.

R. Crocket and Will J. Knott. There are seven churches, one public and two private schools, six hotels, with scores of business houses, that go to build up one of the most pleasant cities of 3,500 inhabitants in the state. Cel.

Harry Hamlin, chief clerk of the Kockford house, was, on Wednesday, presented with a beautiful seal ring, valued a $30, by the guests of the house. All who know the affable clerk will acknowl edge that the gift was worthily bestowed. A lodge of K. PTs, consisting of sev enty members, was organized here Tues dav night, on which occasion a larce num her of visiting brethren from Sedalia were present. PERSONALS.

Mr. Simons was a north-bound or lit will aid the execution of the law. and not shield their lawless sons and kindred, and in their pres Given all the liberty their young and ence denounce the law officers, they er U1 -11 J-aiiieue t. i foolish hearts may desire, unguarded W1" iearu maJ printin by father and mother, permitted to be saved. A sympathy with crime day.

and anoloffv for criminals, such as so lr- oimons nau his umbrella taken ICUC1VC aiLCULiuii iiuui ianuu vuuuil I cj I 1-1 1 1 1 i mi rom his seat, while he was in the smcker, 1 a 1 1 I lornrnlv nroroi nniu will ennn hnrrioii I 1 men oerore iney nave grown out 01 eanesuay night. H. W. Isbell, on old Sedalian, holds down the city editor's chair, in the Sonth western oluce. oct s-iF comiany, was the Hannibal town.

Wednes- short dresses, unrestraiued from the a large majority of the youth and put street, these young girls soon become them 011 the road to revolutionize th easy victims to lust and passion and old idea of right and justice to their fall a prey to the blackhearted devils fellow-men. We are truly glad to see in nobby dress who lie tjjem that has obtained of late, to shield the No vounf? ffirl is safe who is frrant- criminal because he is "my son," or ed the liberties of her own desires. or because "we re boys nSa Social lite this day is peculiarly wKcluclt -Cb PUU1SU dangerous to them. Its unblushing the aider and abettor, if they cannot freedom in the mingling of the sexes ana mlL not learn tne a or justice its balls, where lasciviousness boldly and (Texas) Hes- press Birth Without a Ncme," I I will ta no era I cnurrhf tnr clasps physical charms in its embrace penan. its parties, where too often shameless Eeligious fanaticism is often allied the T- division.

one of tfa liberties are to be seen; its failure to t0 an for business. No matter recognize the beauty of true modesty iinw 7pqlmielv tlipco fonotiVa UoHpp ridiculous to the general public, cannot nr1 tlm nr.iplp wnrfri nfn hrW xr.r. bulldoze Mr.Shodnck, who was loudlycom- in me preaicnon mat me world Will mended for the efficient maimer in which Zt-n mill. 1 nrr- nnn.GCm J. I -It 11 1 1 tue iia amy auu uaeits acuua at come to an end On a Certain ay eworcea nis amy luesuay evening, uyliaf if cnonr? rrlxr nolle rvnirlorT on i believe the passenger conductors on --ev are equally as zealous in collecting all the K.

fc T. division of the Missouri Pa Us liberty Of speech and wealth of hat is dtiP thpm frnm dpbtnr Sump- U'ific railroad are certainly the most gen slang, all conspire to driye the young times these beliefs nueer anirles Itme publlc a ik i iir- iiii aiiiir i BOONVILLE ITEMS. Candidates are thicker than chinch bugs. -Capt. Joe Kinney and wife left for Hot Springs Saturday morning.

The une rise is uon us. No danger of an overflow anticipated this year. Sam Ravenel has opened up a stationery department in the Advertiser building. Success to him. Rain has been falling the greater part of the week as yet it has done no harm to the growing crops.

Sam. Evans, of Marshall, has been in the county several days, buving horses and mules. Sam is considered a good judge of these animals. Lon Stephens sold his valuable buggy horse to Sam. Evans.

The horse was losing his sight, otherwise no money could have gotten him. Boon vi lie was visited Friday afternoon by quite a hail and wind" storm. Some wheat in this vicinity was blown down by the wind. Jno.O Bryan is still mayor of Boon-yille. He is in some danger of being waoouiaicu, aim lo COUSLanilV lKin guarded.

(Joke.) T7 -v n. ll noui an reports we win nave an abundance of fruit this season, something we have not said at this season of the vear tor a lojjg time. air. Uulton, of this citv, is to be married to a Howard county "belle. He has rented his house, and the matter is to oe brought to a close at an early date, Maj H.

Clark and wife, Mrs. An- nie israndi, 1'rot. Sauter and Karl L. returned from Chicago Saturdav morning. They enjoyed the trip hugely.

Ihe closing exercises of the different schools take place the last of this and the Urst ot next month. The "Lon Stenhenq medal for the best essay takes place at the Cooper Institute on the niirht of thp Kih of Chas. E. Leonard passed through town Saturday, en route home from Saline county, where he had been to meet parties who had offered him $40,000 for an 800 acre farm in that countv. The terms were not accepted.

Our new railroad agent, Mr. A Cammack, has won anv friends since hi: arrival here; he "old business," has a wuuiuui, young wue, anu withal is quite an auaiiion to our society. His newlv niaue inends hope he is here tostav Austin Speed gets into his new stable on Monday next. He has fiftv head of horses, thirty vehicles and the handsomest livery stable Central Missouri, con- venient to the hotels, depots and ferrv lie should do a good business. FOOTLIGHT FLASHES.

Items of Interest to Play-Goers From Everywhere. FLEA BITES. SMITH'S OPERA HOUSE, Skdama, Mo. Geo. T.

Brown Ofc Lessee. Seating capacity S(MJ. PUIiLEY HALL. Ari'LKTON Citv, Mo. W.

tirautley, Proprietor. Will seiit 5(XJ. LAM A It OPERA HOUSE Mo. Brown Avery, Proprietors Full scenerv. Seats G0o Avertiaeruentsat the head of this column, not es.

s. dt un nn I Eiumet is in "Frisco." Cyril Bowen, of England ks dead. Barnum sailed for England yesterday. Mrs. Wall's trial has again been postponed.

Kose Osborne will again go mum the stage. Ada Gray is drawing good houses in Virginia. neeiock is arranging tor a starring John T. Raymond is to have a seaon. new piece next riend the Mr.

Woodthrope is playing "Dash" in Tony Hart is going to Europe to Joe Emmet's manager next season will be Peunover. Georgie Michigan. Madame Gerster is in New York with her husband, Dr. Gardini. Lawrenre Barrett will probably termiimip Ma seasou in San Francisco.

Edwin Booth will appear at the Adelnhi theater, London, June 2G. The last time Booth plaved "Hamlet" in New York the house held $1,907. Charles Mapleson and wife. Mho Cavnlnw, sailed for England last Saturdav. Forepaugh's show is heavilv billwt in ny, tor next Tuesday.

The Tourists have been plaving throughout the week at Hooley's theatre, Chicago. ry uarics uiiti Miniiv K.irtii. i -t l'n auu uuucer.rusi.-s laneu r.uropelonday. Louise Dillon will appear as Kate, in Emerald, at the Madison Suar, during the summer. The Harrisons are said to be verv much pleased with Leonard Grover's new play written for them.

It is reported that Marv Anderson will KlmrtK- io curupe io receive under Mine. rusion. iiarry lourtatne will co to San prtHiuce a new play previous to his departure for r.urojie Lillian Spencer has encaged bv Bartlev Campbell to play Liza, in the Whiteslave, next season. Cyril Searleand Rose Ey tinge will plav a brief vujiacuieuk in liugianu colore returning to this couutrv. COME, LET US ALL SCRATCH.

A man in Indiana wants to L-mw if having twentv-two children diTorce. Yes, if he had nothing to do with the matter. "Takeawav women, and wnnKl f.ll..nr aks a writer. Stag-nation. How can a man live? Ex.

We have known some men live to a good old seven feet high, and then we have seen other who did not live more than fourteen minutes who were only two feet from the ground. It is hard to tell. I would not lirealwavs.I care not to stnv.ir whti too much for washing, wearing three shirts "a duv. The few lurid sun-beams that dawn on us here are too much lor "life's shortness live cents for beer. when we pay A correspondent wants to tnnw if th rru fever can be sent bv mail.

Ex. Yes, by paying the regular postage. Reedier tude." says "I enjoy a soul-bath in That is the most finished way 'f puttiug it we ever heard of. How to make money Get a situation in mint. Elmira Gazette.

the To spend money Get a situation as cashier some corporation. Is a teacher an artist Ex. We have seen some of them draw salaries so accurately that it would surprise the treasurer himself. The drawing would be faultless to a cent. You can settle the question for yourself; we have formed, an opinion.

Emerson recklessly action is graceful." But he never saw an aaj at a cow. wrote, "Every natural woman throw a stono a telegram says that Barrv Conlan. th trih 7 comedian, has made a pronounced hit in Chicago wiin ins new play. H. W.

Ellis has sold out his interest in the The water works men, who thought VJJf-vVi1 i- to be Produced in they had such a "soft thing" find the Boon- hrtl-v; vilfe Deonle are not snrh fnl John stetson a lease for Booth's iue people are not SUUi big tools after all. theatre, as already stated. The terms are that he We want water works, but not on such ex- has the house at a rental of $2o ooo. orbitant terms as this comnanv demands m. ineir pipes have arrived, aud thev have a tremenduous pile of mud on Main street uuy mis nuu uomiug more, as yet.

LA MONTE ITEMS. girl into a life which at last turns to bitterness and woe; and are as ludicrous as they are sense- I less and sordid. An Iowa fbol is now This is no overdrawn picture, nor is building an ark two hundred feet Vernon. it the outgrowth of a morbid and cyn ical Dature. How true it is that there is a criminal carelessness on the part of too many parents in the control of their daughter, ju3t budding into that strange life we call maidenhood.

Mistaking parental over-indulgence as evideuce of parental love; anxious that their daughters may have a good time before the stern duties of life come upon them, too many fathers and especially too many mothers loosen the reins of authority and restraint, and give the daughter her own sweet and innocent inclinations and whims. The girl of fifteen, to-day, is not a girl. She is a young lady, a candidate for the attentions of the opposite sex, a regular attendant at balls, parties, and theatres, provided she has personal charms and a fair degree of social standing. Some day the girl is gone Then a distress, which no words can depict, nor imagination picture out, comes to father and mother as the awful fact comes to them with crushing force. Tears and groans and pleadings and rewards offered and days and nights of sleepless agony and search for the lost loved one, whose fate may be worse than death, are theirs, and the world pauses to give them, not the restored tisasure, but a cold word of unfeeling rebuke for their responsibility in this terrible and sad blow and ruin.

Why did she go? It wan the result of the glitter and glamour of the life she has been prodigally spending. Day by day, night by night, has her frail aud unpiloted bark been drawn nearer and nearer into the whirling, seething 1 ong, he believing that the world will be destroyed by a second floodjn 1885. He proposes, however, to take passengers for safe deliverance to the ther shore at 5,000 each, and expects to make a fortune at the business. Just what he will do with his money is not clear, as there is no provision made, so far as the records state, for the expenditure of lucre in either heaven or hades. Parties de- siring passage at the above trilling sum had better hunt up the address of this fanatic.

His place of residence is not given, as he has made no adver tising contract with the great relig ious daily of the west. Abernathy's "Good heavens! wThat is to become of you all when he looked around at the incipient doctors in his crowded lecture theatre, begins to come home with increasing force to the heavy additions to the curing brigade here. With a Biff B. The following letter, from a prominent citizen of Benton county, explains itself Warsaw, May 2G, 1S82. Editor Bazoo The proposition to fund the bonded indebtedness of Benton county, at cents, was voted on vesterday, and carried by 200 majority.

The vote in this city was all one way 153 to 11. Our citizens generally considered it the finest proposition that would be likely to be made, and acted accordingly, and are jubli-lant over the result. Look out for a big boom for Benton county, for this action settles the question for good, and removing one of the most serious objections oi settlers, is a oio ior, and an inducement to, immigration, Benton with a big hereafter. Write a. warers of this maelstrom of moral; free.

CATARRH CURED, health and sweet breath secured, by Shiloh's Catarrh Remedy. Trice 50 cents. JSasai injector Gets the Premium. PrrrsFiELD, Pike 111. May 23.

Editor Bazoo, Sedalia, Mo Dear Sir: In vour issue ot Sunday last vou offer a premium, the Bazoo for one vear to the first terson sending a cor rect solution to the conundrum "Wly does a hen lay an egg in day time? Because at night she is a rooster. R. C. S. R.

C. S. is correct and he gets the pre mium onereu. me xsazoo win oe sent you for one year as proposed. Letter From Larimer.

The following letter was received bv.Tefl Conner lrom his friend, Vv. t. Larimer, formerly train dispatcher in office here, but now working for the Denver Rio Grande company South Pueblo, Col. It's a dandy, and was written by as good a boy as ever touched a key Friend Jeff: How in the mischief are you, anyhow Did the price of liquor come down any after I left? This is a great country for drinking; at least I am told so. I don't drink any myself.

Hare commenced smoking had to do something, so chose what I considered the least harmful. How's Dexter, and what became of your partner that we met down on Flat Creek bridge? Is my room in the jail still vacant? How's Jim Craig, Joe Pel-ter, Bill Harrah and all the other hungry bums? 'Spose Fawkes and Wilcox are still holding down the chairs at Paris and Moberly; if so, give them my never-dying love. Tell them not to drink and they won't have to fly to such a God-forsaken country as this It snows here all the time. When it don't snow it rains and when they can't scare up a rain the wind blows the sand and dust moves farms from one county to another in less than no time. 'Tis an awful country, Jeff, and I advise you to be a good boy and stay among the democrats in Missouri.

Did Billy Bartlett get married while be was away Is Tom still still at deliver Who's at uo you "eggs" between and They tell me the trains run just thesame on the K. T. I had an idea they would all stop after I left. Tell me about all the boys and I'll study up this country and tell you all about it, next time. Give my regards to all of my friends write soon to Your old pard, W.

F. Larimer. Try Sichers' ice cream soda, unsurpassed in the city. There is a No. 1 flourine mill of known pupuKimy juuaieu in mis city.

rancy Craghead is in Bates county, on a visit to relatives and friends. J. L. Conway and family, of Browns ville, were visiting their relatives, at this week. ght the Lamonte Temperance Prohibition Alliance has another meeting.

Recorder Fraker and M. M. Lampton. oi euaiia, were at the lestivai, on Thursday last, in this place. Dr.

Lacy, of Sedalia, will preach, today, in the Methodistchurch, in this place, morning aud evening There are here three church buildings, one public school, a Masonic, also I. O. O. F. and 1.

O. u. 1. lodges. Three or four of the public school of this place and vicinity will have a isrand picnic near uere, on iriuav, the Utli oi June.

J. J. West, real estate and insurance agent, is constantly engaged in showing the beautiful country around Lamonte to cus tomers. Tlirniicrli tlio onorm- capacity is not Mated. She retains her New ILi 1 the energj ot the postmaster, pera hJoll3e for IhfXl seasonj and has K)oketl sev J.

b. White, there are thirty signers lor popular plays. lodge i ne purcnastot "uuett" has far cnt tin. rrencn a son about S7.WH). mat 11 UC( KOSOU.

One stands surhast to learn that th npt vi uiuinu.uii inx toniui nation were considerably 100,000 for the season. Thomas W. Ki one will nlav an in New York early next season, under the manage- Leslie Edmunds took the role of th HnTnnpt twice.by reason of Erie sickness last month. He acquitted himself exceedingly well. George Morton, who has leen nla vincr TTnrrv nununji-rora in me "Worm" company, has not ei ueviuva wuut ne wm uo next season.

A. II. Bell, the operatic comedian, rpppivo. worn last weeic tnat his mother had reeentlv diVd in Melbourne, Australia, altera very short illness Mattie Viekers and Charles Roeers. II" -V.

ouen visneu oeuana, are at present with the Tonv Iastor company and are nrovinir themsplvwa i. ucums oi reai uieni. viaiu jimiouiMm uckiu a six weeKs en gagement id umcago, alter which she will return to ew orK and play for tour weeks. She wil probably star next season. Acnes Hallock left tho All at Sea comnanv r- .1 1 cenuy siar ui a new piav ov LOU is Kauni.

en titled. The Maid of Arran. She opened snceessfnllv t- t. fc. xr v- i i iselle Jackson will continue as Daisv thrown tlie roiessor, dunucr the season of S2-K5.

having been re-engaged by the Madison Souare uiauaeuieuu John McCuIIouch. while stonnine at theflranfl mud, in me uiiuuieot tne nigh to see a tniet in ins room. John innmed un tn catcii nun, but untortunatelv- could not. Mr. A.

M. Palmer is aid to have made SM.OOfl as his hare)f the business of the Union Sniian theater this season. This business includes the season at the theater, the tours ot traveling com panics, etc. Minnie Cumnungs intends to visit Eneland shortly. Whether for pleasure or in a professional tiaven everal of a new ot the organization A.

O.U. W. Among the latest acquisitions to this town is the new furniture firm of Lutz Fisher, who have oened out with a fine assortment of merchandise in their line. The festival held bv the Good Tem plars, on Thursday night, in Hardy's hall, was a great success. Thev realized about sixty dollars, which will contribute greatly to their relief.

Brooks died on the 24th at Aurora Springs, Moniteau county, where he two weeks his health His remains were brought here and interred in the cemetery, at this place, on Thursday last. This city is improving with that pecu liar rapidity characteristic of our sister cities, xseautifully located upon the oneu rairie, pure air and good wafer, its in-labitants enjov the best of health and trood spirits. There is hardly a brnnnli nf business that is not well represented, a few ot which we will name: Messrs. Joe Penquite, and A. J.

Hall, lumber and grain dealers; Jule Busch, Craighead J. R. ade, tr. liardey general merchan dise D. G.

and harness S. T. Fisher and Dr. A. P.

Snoddy, druggists W. F. Hainline, wagon maker and blacksmith D. W. Reesemon, tonsonal artist W.

C. Wise, liverv and feed stable W. W. Woodward and S. Tncklev, boot and shoe makers; S.

J. Wither and John Patin, restaurant and ice cream parlors; J. W. Baldwin, real estate and insurance agent Mrs. Files, proprietor of the Lamonte hotel; Lutz Fisher, furniture dealers; James S.

worthy postmaster, has a large stock ot hardware: new btnldmzs are discernible in all parts of the town. Hardly a week passes but some new busi ness enterprise is opened up with success. -Few actresses of the present dav receive such praise as was ie-toweu upon Minnie Maddern in cw orfc, recently, in her new plav hoins Ferrv. i ne play useit was a taiiure, out Miss Maddern captivated the entire audience with her acting, ami won praises irom every one. A difficulty hetween Mrs.

Charles E. Le- I and the Curtis company at Albany, which d-ed in the abrupt stoppage" of of Posen." 3frs. Leland and th agent of the company both made explanations. The sheritf attached! the money in the Ikx office and the audience withdrew. Mr.

and Mrs. George E. Turner, who made a protessional visit to Chicago the past week, are at present, negotiating w.ith three different managers; but have not as et determined which offer they will accept, as their dramatic agents advise them to wait until the season is further advanced. They predict a rich harvest for the profession this season. Kalamazoo, Michigan, has a new opera house, called Academy of Music.

It mis opened by John McCullough in Virgiuius. The house was crowded from ton to bottom. After the plav he appeared before the curtain, and gave a short address, con gratulating the people ot Kalamazoo for having one of the most complete and beautiful opera houses lie nac ever appeared in. Lillian Ollcott, who recently made her debut in Brooklyn as Juliet, is a native of that city, and bids fair to rival Mary Anderson in the affections of iti church-going populace. She is the daughter of a wealthy physician and will star next season in the following plays: Romeo and Juliet, Lady of Lyons, Lou, Lady Macbeth, and a new play which is now being prepared expressly for her.

Gen Orrin L. Mann, sheriff of Chicago, gives this as his opinion of St Jacobs Oil "Some time ago I was troubled with rheumatism. Every one was free with his sympathy and suggestions, but nothing relieved me of the severe pain. I had read the testimonials of people I know who had been eiyed by the use of St. Jacobs Oil, and I thought I would test it.

The first application worked wonders, and I was not long a sufferer. It is wonderful what little show that malady has when brought into contact with the Great Pain Panacea." Ar roi -it; to suit renter. For Rent. A store room on the corner of Ohio and I Twelfth streets. Will be put in condition Enquire at Ewarfs meat has been stricken down in career bv paraly sis of his nerves, and is left out in the race of life.

Such unfortunates should be treated with Dr. Benson's Celery and market, East Sedalia. Soda water, mead, lemonade, ice cold, at Heckman Chamomile Pills. Restoration is probable, TeubnerS. A man fell dad recently whilt singing "Th Sweet By and By." Norristown Herald.

This is a mistake. It might have been "Old Hundred," but the one hundred thousand Jersev- meu who sing and whistle "The Sweet Bvand By' are all alive and in full blast. Now, boys! once more for the beer. That is what the undertaker said to the pall bearers. -They do these things in Canada even hpttr than wdo.

The creditors of the Canada hntpl. in Montreal, were glad, exceedingly glad, to take ten cents on the dollar. In America a bankrupt hardly ever thinks of of fering his friends less than thirty. "Thirty or nothing," says he. And thev usuall An exchange sava that "West Point is a sninlF Eden, where one tinda about twentv Adams to every fair Eve." a lucky state of things.

If there were as many- Eves as Adams, with a serpent to each, West Point would be a dreadful place for snakes. The tool awaketh in the morning and, hearken- mg unto the sound thereof, saith to his heart, she is preparing the siriom steak for the coals that be red-hot. But the wise man turneth himself anon and joyeth in his soul, for he knoweth that the sound thereof be the handmaiden pounding out her liverpad. Oh, tell me, blue-eved stranger, tell, Who the mischief's Hotter Nell Softand low the accents fell, "Stranger, I am Hotter Nell." New Madrid Tribune. If some one again the question raises, Say she's a cousin of Helen Blazes.

C. H. Chilton will deliver ice to any part of the city. Adage. Mr.

Chilton had better contract with some reliable dealer to serve some chunks of warm weather to the people of Barry before he starts around with his ice wagon. The good citizens of the town made it so hot for Ellis that probably he would prove to he a good customer to Mr. Chilton in order to cool Misfortune is no respector of persons or cows. Griggsville, 111., Press. That's what the city marshal says when he runs over a sleeping bovine on the idewalk about midnight.

The school teacher that is energetic begins to want to know where they will find a good school for next winter. Griggsville Press. Yas, and if that bad boy of Tom Jones' is coming again to cut up anu worry tne me out oi Mrs. Smith's who is a wpalc and sweet disrxksitioned irl There is only one newspaper in the United States. L.

F. Sheldon. Mr. Sheldon undoubtedly meant the Bazoo by the above trite saying. M.

Dainala did not have to court Bernhardt long. Ex. Well, maybe not; but from what we have heard of Bernhardt we wouldn't have thought a "short" court would have satisfied her. One of the leading dailies of Chicago has re solved not to notice base-ball games hereafter. Ex.

It probably wishes to reserve all its space for church trials and divorce cases. If a man means what he says he will be de liberate in his speech, and state his purpose iu plain, simple fashion. Ex. It probably wishes to reserve all its space ior church trials and divorce cases. If a man means what he says he will be de liberate in his speech, and state his purpose in plain.

simple fashion. Ex. Yes, say he intends committing suicide and do it, and not go sawing the air with a razor three times a week in the presence of his friends, just to see what thev will do. When an Independence maiden plants a three-or-a-quartcr kiss on her best young man's upper ip, she means business. Independence Sentinel.

When a Sedalia maiden plant any kind of a kiss she means business that is none of your business. A machine for grooming horses has been in vented. Ex. The age demands an invention for grooming mules, and the man that gets one up that will run 'backwards" as well as forward shall have as a re ward a copy of the Sunday Mornink Bazoo fur a year. An English prisoner who had been bitten br a cat tried to simulate hydrophobia and obtain an op- portunitv to escape, lie crawipu on the floor.

barked like a dog aud became furious when ap proached. Ex. The mistake he made was in not caterwauling- ike a genuine "comin' out to-night, Mariar?" he had done that and kept it up, the prison au thorities would have released him inside of a week..