Daily Times Herald EDITORIALS Thursday, May 30, 1974 Ugly Ducklings As if they didn't have enough to answer for already, male chauvinists are responsible for something else — the fact that female comics have to play the role of ugly ducklings in order to get laughs. So claims one woman who has made a study of the situation. The leading comediennes "base much of their material on the premise that they are unattractive women, although in fact none of them is ugly." writes author Ann Nietzke in Human Behavior magazine. By contrast, male comics don't have to be concerned about their appearances, she says. They can go on and on about how ugly their wives or girl-friends are. just as if they themselves were handsome prizes, but the comediennes have to make themselves as unattractive as possible or talk about themselves as if they were the homeliest creatures in the world who can't get or hold a man. When and if "women become liberated from matrimony as a central goal of their existence," says Ms. Nietzke, much of the material of the comediennes will become irrelevant. This is probably true, and the funny girls had best make hay while the male chauvinist sun shines. Just about everyone today agrees that the goal of the feminist liberation movement should be to free women from cultural stereotypes and give them the right to choose to marry or not marry, to pursue a career or not pursue a career, to have children or not have children — and not have to apologize to it. One thing the critics of male domination tend to overlook, however, is the fact that men are even more biologically locked into their traditional roles than are women. Sure, they can choose to be truck drivers or business executives and maybe, in the future, they can even choose to be "househusbands." But until such time as medical science enables males to bear children, there will never be such a thing as true equality of choice between the sexes. Until that day arrives, laughing at "ugly" comediennes may be one of the few remaining prerogatives men will have. EndofSLA It was almost a foregone conclusion that a group as fanatical and violence-prone as the Symbionese Liberation Army would end up in some kind of spectacular shoot-out with law enforcement officers. Six SLA members, representing six-ninths of the known total in the "army" (if Patricia Hearst is included as a voluntary or involuntary member), perished in a gun battle and ensuing house blaze in Los Angeles — a finis and an immolation they actually seemed to have invited by certain careless actions in the last few days of their lives. It is particularly ironic that the SLA, whose aim was the overthrow of the existing order of things, should have met its downfall because of something so stupid as the theft of a pair of socks. The bungled shoplifting of a sporting goods store by a couple later identified as William and Emily Harris was the first tip-off that the SLA was in the Los Angeles area. Now the Harrises and their willing or unwilling companion, Patricia Hearst, are all that is known to remain of an organization which for a time commanded national attention all out of proportion to its real strength or importance. Such must be the peculiar mentality of the survivors that they consider the deaths of their erstwhile associates to have been a glorious thing. No doubt it has not occured to them to wonder why a lowly store clerk should have objected to their "ripping off" one of the capitalist oppressors. Didn't he know that they were there to liberate him, along with the socks? There have been few things in American history as bizarre as the brief rise and apparent fall of the Symbionese Liberation Army. The puzzling thing is that even one otherwise intelligent young person could actually have believed that there was the remotest possible chance of starting a revolution in America, or that the kind of new order the SLA would have instituted was anything that anyone in his right mind would call good. Timely Quotes - "My heart stopped beating for 32 seconds. I feel like I've been reborn;" —Former U. S. Secretary of Commerce Maurice H. Stans minutes after being declared innocent, with Attorney General John Mitchell, of perjury and conspiring to cover-up an illegal contribution to President Nixon's reelection campaign. To the Rescue! Viewpoint Nixon's Inaudibles Advice Family Needs Compassion By Abigail Van Buren DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old granddaughter is pregnant. The boy is a high school kid with no way of supporting himself, let alone a wife and child, so marriage is out of the question. His folks have thrown him out, and a neighbor has taken him in. My son and daughter-in-law are going to see their daughter through this, and they're keeping the baby. My problem: How should a 75-year-old grandmother act? Should I act like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, and accept the baby as a legitimate great-grandchild? Or should I show my contempt and disgust and turn away? I guess I was born 75 years Homemaking too soon because I don't seem able to accept this situation. So far I've managed to keep my mouth shut, but I'll have to take a stand soon. I've always had a good relationship with my son and his wife and don't want to spoil it now. Please help me set my thinking straight. GRANDMA DEAR GRANDMA: If your family ever needed your compassion and understanding, it's now! You can accept the new baby without condoning the unfortunate circumstances. The last thing your granddaughter needs now is a show of "contempt disgust." (She's suffered enough.) and Sparks Sellout By Polly Cramer DEAR POLLY - Your "Use vanilla candles to kill cigarette odor" sold nearly every vanilla candle in our town. I am blessed with an apartment that has a storage space off an inset balcony but its door never fit tightly at the bottom so this space smelled musty when we moved here — not damp musty, but dust musty. Well, there may be a bit of dampness, too. I had no choice but to store my balcony furniture, Christmas decorations and so on in there. The door has been fixed and the damp smell I can prevent by using a commercial product. But how do I get rid of that musty dusty smell? I do not have any place to sun these items and even wonder if there is some sort of incense that could be safely burned and would hopefully permeate and overpower the smell. Somehow I just know you will come up with an answer. Thanks for just being you. Also, my Pet Peeve concerns the names by which we are called. Since women's lib "girls" makes me feel like I am still willing to go along with the sex kitten thing — I hate the word "woman" as it is corny and "ladies" sounds false. Perhaps the men have this same hang up and I wonder what they like to be called. - ROBERTA. DEAR POLLY — I have help for Mae who finds it hard to pour liquid medicine into a teaspoon without wasting some. I took a small plastic cylinder bottle that pills came in from the drug store, poured a teaspoon of water in it and with a sharp knife scratched a line on the outside of the cylinder at the top of the water. I find it easier to pour medicine into the . cylinder rather than into a spoon and if I get too much it is easy to pour back into the bottle. Drink the dose out of the cylinder, rinse and save for the next time. I have not tried this with children but think they might be easily persuaded to drink from the "little glass".-GEORGIANA. DEAR GIRLS — If the scratched line is a bit hard to see a line of bright-colored adhesive tape could be placed so the lower edge would mark the teaspoon measurement or a marking pen could color the indentation.—POLLY. DEAR POLLY — I hope my Pointer will help other busy mothers who have youngsters who like both mustard and mayonnaisse on their lunchtime sandwiches. I make a combination of the two in the proportion they like and keep this in a labeled jar in the refrigerator. This saves time during a hectic lunch hour. - DOROTHY. DEAR POLLY — I learned the following trick when a stewardess from an international airline and it kept me bright-eyed no matter how exhausting my schedule was. Now as a mother of three it still comes in handy: An ordinary tea bag holds the secret for relieving tired red eyes and puffy bags under them. Place two tea bags in boiling water for 20 seconds and then quickly drain the water off. Do not wring out the bags. Place them in the refrigerator for at least one hour. When your eyes start to smart and feel droopy lie down with your feet elevated and place a prepared tea bag on each CLOSED eye lid. Leave for 15 minutes or longer, rinse eyes and have completely refreshed eyes for a few pennies. — LYDIA. DEAR GIRLS — I put the hot bags on a folded paper towel in a saucer and when they came out of the refrigerator the bags were not drippy so no tea could get in my closed eyes. — POLLY. DEAR READERS — A piece of furniture or an area of similar size could have its old paint removed in this manner. Repainting a lot of woodwork could really be a chore. The surface being painted may be dirty. Before painting wash the area with a good cleaner, rinse and then let dry thoroughly. Fine sandpaper used on an old painted surface will make it more receptive to a new coat of paint. Glossy (either semi-gloss or high gloss) surfaces always require dulling by sanding or the application of a liquid deglosser so the new paint will adhere. Dust, grease and dirt must be removed before repainting. —POLLY. DEAR POLLY — Some of the less expensive children's wash-and-wear shirts turn up from the hemline when worn on the outside of pants, shorts, etc., so they look unsightly. With the zigzag stitch on my sewing machine I sewed bias tape in place on the under side on such shirts just over the hemline where they were prone to fold up. An annoying problem was solved. -DOROTHY. DEAR POLLY — When traveling and carrying an extra pillow or two we have found that putting a colored pillowcase on such pillows lessens the chance of leaving one behind in a motel, when making that one last check around a room you are leaving. The colored pillow will stand out from the room's all white pillows. This saves time and the worry of having to write back for the pillow. —M.F.L. Barbs By Bruce Biossat DEAR ABBY: I'll bet you've never run into a problem like mine: I am being married in a formal church wedding. My fiance and I have known each other for two years, and the only name I've ever known him by is "Beaver." His parents have called him "Beaver" ever since they brought him home from the hospital, and everyone has called him "Beaver" ever since. His real name is Steven, but hardly anyone knows it. When we say our marriage vows, it will seem so unnatural for me to say: "I, Mona, take thee. Steven," because I've never in all my life called him Steven. But I'm afraid it would sound funny if I were to say: "I. Mona, take thee. Beaver!" So. what do you advise? MONA DEAR MONA: Say: "I. Mona, take thee, Steven." Nicknames are a no-no in a traditional marriage ceremony. DEAR ABBY: I don't want to brag, but I would be very good-looking if it weren't for the bags under my eyes. I'm only 27. and I've had these miserable pouches since I was in high school, but they've gotten much more noticeable in the last few years. I work in a large office and I'm constantly being accused of having been up all night or hung over because I always look so dissipated. Abby. I get plenty of sleep and I am no big drinker. I'm too young for a face-lift. Can you help me? BAGGY DEAR BAGGY: My consultants advise me that the condition you describe is called "Blepharochalasis." It's fairly common, and tends to run in families. (Somechildren have it.) It's not necessary to have a complete face-lift to get rid of the bags. CONFIDENTIAL TO "FRENCHIE": Please don't call all those escapades "love." Nothing plays a smaller part in philandering than love. (Credit another Frenchman, La Rochefoucauld, with that.) We all remember, of course, that President Nixon set up his White House recording system so he could accurately catch "history in the making" and later set down the finest presidential memoirs known to man. Well, now, let's see how that's been working out. First off, we know from the President and his aides that quite a few telephones around the premises are not even hooked into the tape system. Long ago we were told that Mr. Nixon took an important telephone call from former Attorney General John Mitchell June 20, 1972, right after the Watergate break-in, on an instrument in a hallway which was not tied in. After that we ran into a rash of other difficulties. Some tapes seemed to be missing altogether. The way some of them evidently were labeled and stored would hardly match the efforts of an early 20th-century grocer trying to keep track of his sacks of rock candy. Time after time, as we have it, the tape ran out right in the middle of conversations. And then there was that mysterious hum which wiped out 18 minutes of chat on June 20, starting just about at the moment when key aide H.R. (Bob) Haldeman joined a Watergate discussion. Now we have a massive load of more than 1,200 pages of edited tape transcripts covering some 33 hours of discussions involving the President, his former counsel John Dean, Haldeman and top aide John Ehrlichman. Forget the deleted expletives and the passages expurgated as presumably irrelevant to Watergate. Those things are still on the tapes themselves, available for the writing of history. Some of the expletives might make print, since most presidents appear to treasure a self- image of "earthiness." The big thing is all those "unintelligibles" and "inaudibles" sprinkled throughout the transcripts. Some enterprising reporter counted them, and got a total of around 1,670 such "passages" in the two categories. Most significant, TWO- THIRDS of the unintelligible or inaudible notations were ascribed to remarks by Mr. Nixon himself. Often these notations turned up two or three times in a single comment from him. Sometimes, nothing he said was recorded. The transcript, taking the dialogue on a particular day in its presumed chronological sequence, simply records: "P (for President) —Unintelligible." As if all this were not enough, Mr. Nixon's attorney, J. Fred Buzhardt, Jr., told a national television audience on May 12 that there's a little room off the President's Oval Office, and that when a given meeting is winding up, the participants, still talking, sometimes drift toward it and even into it before all pertinent conversation ends. As they drift, naturally, they move out of "earshot" of the tape recording system. In the froth and fuming since the transcripts hit the light, the White House more than once has made a big point of the fact they represent a paltry 33 hours out of thousands and thousands of hours of presidential conversations about major world and national issues. (The documents are also a mere fraction of the countless hours of talk on Watergate.) With 1,670 unintelligibles and inaudibles in these transcripts covering so limited a span, do we have a right to infer that whatever recordings may exist of these other presidential exchanges — including some vital to his own concept of what is crucial to his story, his international achievements — are likewise flawed by gross omissions? Some history! We know from public statement, of course, that Mr. Nixon jotted notes and set down his recollections of a lot of things not otherwise recorded. Nevertheless, we have to guess, not unfairly, that the gaps in his calculated treasure store of personal history must be huge. I have the idea for the dust jacket on Mr. Nixon's book of memoirs. On a plain white background, there will be printed a great black asterisk. Some inside, it will be explained that the asterisk stands for the broad desert land of blank space where history was not recorded. Health Low Blood Sugar Bv Lawrence E. Lamb, M.D DEAR DR. LAMB — From my symptoms I have suspected for a long time that I had low blood sugar. Coffee made me weak and trembly, and I was tired all the time. I had a four-hour glucose tolerance test run, and the doctor said I had a severe low blood-sugar — so low I possible had a tumor of the pancreas. He put me on a high-protein, low-carbohydrate diet. Within a couple of weeks I wasn't tired any more — I was completely exhausted. I couldn't brush my hair without my arms just giving out — a feeling of muscle weakness. I started having trouble with my stomach and frequent bowel movements. Then I went to a gastroenterologist. He said I had an irritable bowel and was having some spasms. The elimination of milk and all milk products helps a lot. This is something I've read in your column also. This doctor had a conference with an internist who specializes in low blood sugar, and he tells me my readings are all in the low-normal range which doesn't indicate going on the diet I'm on— so I'm to gradually start adding more starches and carbohydrates to my diet. I'm very confused, so if you would please give me your opinion of what the readings mean, I would greatly appreciate it. Also, I don't understand why I felt so much worse after I went on the high-protein, low- carbohydrate diet. I have a friend who is on the same diet, and she has the same feeling of exhaustion. My glucose tolerance test was: fasting, 80; 30 minutes, 105; one hour, 60; two hours, 70; three hours, 60; and four hours, 60. I have lost 15 pounds during the time I have been on the diet. My age is 44. DEAR READER — You are a living example of why those high-protein, low-carbohydrate diets are not always good/for a person. And, your test results are not those commonly seen in low blood sugar. Many normal people have results in this range. You lost 15 pounds because that low-carbohydrate diet didn't provide enough calories for you. Most high-protein diets low in carbohydrates cause weight loss on this basis. The false claims by some that magic is being worked and calories don't count is pure fraud. A sudden loss of 15 pounds can make anyone tired. Glasses have a remarkable effect on vision — especially when you've emptied several in a half-hour's time. Daily Times Herald •f 50H Nurlh I'tmrl Street Carroll, luwa |>.nU l-Arcpl Suml.ns and Holidays other than Washing- Inn s Ilirthdav .mil Vrlcran s Day. by Ihe Herald . Publishing I'ompam .IAMKS W WILSON. Publisher IIOWAHU II WILSON. Keillor W I. ItKITX.NcwsKditor .JAMKS II WILSON. Vice President (icneral Manager Knlercd as sci-und-class matter ill the post-office al Carroll Iowa under the act ol March:!. 1897 Member nl Ihe Associated Press The Associated Press is entitled exclusively to Ihe use tiir rcpublicaiion of all the local news printed in this newspaper .is well iis all AP dispatches Oldriiil Paper nU'ounU and City Subscription Kales |H riiiTier lim di-liverv per week 11V MAIL Carroll (mints and All Adjoining t'niinhr-, where carrier scmcc is mil a\ ailal'le per >car I liilstde nl (.'al null anil AiljiuimiK 1'oimlics in /lines I and 'i per \car All other Mini in Ihe Tinted Stales per \c:ir $ 60 $£100 $2700 BERRY'S WORLD © 1974 by NEA. Inc. "Where do you think you're going? I'm here to help with your campaign."
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