Fort Worth Star-Telegram from Fort Worth, Texas • 71

I) Advice 2 Television 4 Comics 5 Gardening 6 0PriWWVOPPPMv1P'MM910C6in February 16 1990 Section 5 Friday AM CARS 1 1111 Ali and oop Vu do too That tiny tire that comes rolling to your rescue dropped a transmission in his row boat And if heaven forbid you should find yourself some day stranded by a flat tire you will sadly discover the rescue they have planned for you Go ahead Look underneath that faux-cardboard cover and look again: the minispare Compact spare miniwheel stow tire doughnut of death hell wheel rolling laughter call it what you will this stubby accident-waiting-to-happen has been lying in wait for nearly 10 years now tucked into tiny trunks under the guise of safety equipment The rninispare is the propeller beanie of automotive advancements the punch line to the joke that begins when you try to operate one of those all-in-one lug wrench jackhubcap remover combos It was conceived allegedly on the By JAMES VINCENT BRADY FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM What is the single most useless creation automakers ever beset on the mo oring public? Duh? If Michelangelo had asked for a brush they would have handed him an air compressor If Washington had paused before crossing the Delaware they would have campaign to down-size automobiles It operates actually on the theory that lightning probably won't strike twice in the same place Probably Sources slipped us this alleged partial transcript from the committee that approved the minispare: Constitant 1: "OK we need to make things lighter and smaller Where can we More on DESPERATION on Page 6 vr: 77g s- 1 le '1 -t oe 4 A t-z '1V 4 11' "V''''' P1' 71- IV rte --f 7 i 7: A 'Le 7 4 fr "0" -J i f'tr -0: -7-: -40 't- te 4iV --e N''- -1 -1 IN i -5 4 er- 't'-' '-'4' 4''-'i'-- 4-11: 61! ro 714 P- -e! t- VMd i I 1 raVr I e4 i101 41 11 44 as I I 0 di di PZ 11 7 1 8'1 1L4 f5i i 7 a 2 i At '''r6L W4A1 Fort Worth Star-TelegramBEATRICE TERRAZAS Charlene Walker stands near the spot where lierdaughter was found murdered in 1974 The photo she holds Carla at 1Z I HVESTIGATIONS What do Afi MacGraw Robert Vaughn Lyle Waggoner Lisa Hartman John Ritter Erin Gray Richard Simmons Gary Collins and Heather Lock lear all have in common? No they didn't all star in the major motion picture sequel Airport IX: Annoying Delays at the Luggage CarouseL 1 They all have hosted "paid programs" on I TV Paid 3 programs are A actually just 30- A minute MIKE NICHOLS commercials for products or services and have become common on UHF and cable channels I first became aware of paid programs when one would sometimes pre-empt the daily Newhart rerun at 11 am on KDAF-TV No Newhart No Larry Darryl and Aaaaaa-eeeeeeee! To me a day without Larry Darryl and Darryl is like a day without head lice Some recent and current paid programs: Deal-a-Meal exercise and diet regimen ty Richard Simmons who himself once was Viive-rweight The tone of his show is very indere and intense like that of a religious show or a revival: There are confessions of cellulite there is crying The Rev Richard pastor of the Little Church of the Divine 11Stretch Mark! His diet plan revolves around some cards Each card represents one unit of dairy food fruit meat bread etc These cards help you keep track of what you eat each day Apparently people on this innovative diet plan have shed hundreds of unwanted pounds and inches by eating only the cards SyberVision Another weight-control method Host Gary Collins tries to out- sincere Richard Simmons Collins interviews a woman who boasts that she has -lost 123 pounds and kept it oft Collins is moved by her success story He takes her hand in his He looks into her eyes They go 2 off to have a malt and fries Arnold's Gourmet Kitchen hawks a $99 gadget called The Daily It rends it blends it crawls on its belly like a snake! Able to leap tall tomatoes in a single bound! I trust Arnold He reminds me of my high school chemistry teacher only without the Bunsen burner embedded in his skull Amazing Discoveries hawks a car wax To show just how amazing this wax is a man sets afire the hood of a car then applies this wax to restore the shine No fire damage! In the Middle East this wax is a big seller during the car-bomb season Tom Vu's financial secrets Young Tom Vu got extremely rich after coming to this country from the Orient with nothing but ambition self-motivation and an intense interest in large American breasts Vu tells you about his system which lets you get rich by buying and selling houses as he sails around on his yacht smiling serenely while surrounded by young women in fully furnished bikinis Where There's a Will There's an A with John Ritter This program sells a study course that helps children earn better 'grades Ritter of course is the perfect spokesman because on his old show Three's Company of the main characters Jack c- Janet and Chrissy the most intelligent was the poodle across the street Victoria Jackson's beauty secrets With Ali MacGraw and Lisa Hartman Lots of "before" and "after" photos of ordinary -women who have been beautified Typically in the "before" photos these women look like something that you'd see swimming in a bait shop But in the "after" 'photos miraculously these women have been transformed to look like something that you'd see swimming in a bait shop and wearing lipstick Likewise Erin Gray is pitchwoman for a Cosmetic line called Anushka or Nanushka --or something like that Anyway it sounds like an Eskimo word as in "Dam those sled dogs! I stepped in the anushka or nanushka or something like that" Miscellaneous: Other paid programs are for Soloflex exercise equipment hand-hammered woks from China a baldness -treatment hawked by Robert Vaughn and 1Y-Bron a male impotency cure hawked by Lyle Waggoner This particular medical tre atment involves taking the drug Y-Bron regularly while staring at surplus full-color posters of Wonder Woman Yes paid programs are varied and -apparently here to stay My advice to you: Watch them all buy their products study their tapes learn their secrets Soon you tod will be making better grades while Waxing your virile way to slimmer thighs low-cal appetizers and wok-sized hairy breasts with detached garage Mike Whole' column appears Monday Wednesday end Friday He expected police to ask about the dead girl but their heads and agreed they couldn't understand why something so bad had to happen to someone so good No one ever found an answer to that question But in the years since her death Carla's family and friends have found answers to some other questions 'They've been over and over those agonizing days when Carla was missing and after her body was found They've examined how they coped with their pain and they've sometimes wondered how they survived The man who in 1974 was Carla's steady boyfriend a Western Hills football and baseball player has learned that the experience kept him from marrying until five years ago He said he was afraid to get close to anyone again for fear of losing them The guilt that comes with having survived when someone else died still surfaces from time to time but he's coping And the retired detective waits to see whether the man he More on CARLA on Page 3 By BINNIE FISHER SPECIAL TO THE STAR-TELEGRAM IFORT WORTH It was a passing comment an off-the-cuff remark But one sentence uttered by a man who was being arrested on a burglary charge more than a decade and a half ago still haunts a retired police detective At the detective's request police recently reopened a 16- year-old murder case to examine whether that man now a Texas prison inmate serving a sentence for rape may have killed a popular Fort Worth schoolgirl Carla Walker was 17 when she was abducted early on Feb 17 1974 from her boyfriend's car after the two had been to a Valentine dance at Western Hills High School They found her body four days later at Benbrook Lake She was a bright energetic and well-adjusted teen-ager from a close-knit family At the time most people shook After his tears came his silence THEATER REVIEW BENEFITS A man for all seasons a man of many tunes O'Neill's wish comes to life with fine point playing piano at age 6 Now you're a keyboard player who cranks out compositions that span the gamut New Age rhythm and blues boogie-woogie jazz semi-classical pop-tinged You name It "Bored is not something that's in my More on BREWER on Page 6 ft 'c By CONNIE BENESCH FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM Spencer Brewer Talk about multidimensional You have to be if you: Can fix any kind of piano old or new Sew the hems on your son's pants when they need shortening Have helped instruct handicapped people to ride horses and one went on to win in the Special Olympics Work as a counselor who talks to kids about the dangers of drugs and alcohol Live in a house licensed as an emergency foster care home for runaways Relocate several times so your wife can pursue her education Study reflexology and massage and give foot massages to your record company's employees Have worked as a piano store owner record label owner steamboat cook ginseng and herb wholesaler and Central American antique clothing importer And on top of all that you started By PERRY STEWART FORT WORTH STAR-TELEGRAM hen Ah Wilderness! debuted in troubled 1933 Depression-era audiences must have welcomed this nostalgic comedy about small- town life at the turn of the century Now have a look at today's headlines A play in which the wickedest sin is getting drunk and flirting with a "tart" seems astonishingly therapeutic Our drinking flirting young hero is Richard Miller son of the newspaper publisher in "a large Art small town in Connecticut" On the summer before his freshman year at Yale Richard is torn by emerging passions His bookish side is enflamed with romantic poetry and social justice His hormones are fired up by Muriel Mc Comber When Muriel's stuffy father happens to read Richard's love letters which borrow I Art it to pa Jude Johnson in Ah Wilderness! 1--- 4 4 I I '4" 11' A I Lip) liberally from Swinbume's steamier verses he forbids his daughter to see the young man again and demands that Richard's father give him "a hiding" Well there it is That's about as grim as it gets in this gentle play invariably referred to as "Eugene O'Nellrs only More on WILDERNESS! on Page 3 Spencer Brewercbeneit gig is Sunday.