The Miami Herald from Miami, Florida • 52

Tf arjW- gTWiWriEFytii j)i 1 rpni 2E THE MIAMI HERALD FRIDAY OCTOBER 2 1992 Debt-saddled couple should keep focus on future billboard that says: AM My advice is to start looking around school for someone in your age bracket who is a legitimate candidate for romance The sooner the better You need a substitute to divert your interest And please resist the temptation to tell that dreamboat how you feel Such a confession would surely make him uncomfortable and be embarrassed every time you saw him together in style One year later I found out that Steve and his parents had financed the greater part of his education through credit cards and the debt was astronomical He said it never occurred to him to tell me about it and admitted he know exactly how much it was He thought he could handle it That was three years ago but I still feel resentment I have tried all my life to make practical decisions and assumed met a man who did the same Steve is the kindest person ever known and he loves me dearly but having a hard time forgiving him I hate owing money and it will be years before we can pay off this enormous debt I feel overwhelmed and have no Dear Ann: and I were married four years ago Before our marriage we made all the right decisions we finished school I get pregnant and we had a good time I went to a small college on a scholarship and worked two jobs to pay my bills Steve felt it necessary to attend a more prestigious university He received a few hundred dollars in grants took out a large student loan and worked part-time He moved into a fraternity house which cost another few thousand dollars After college he went to law school We had an elaborate wedding and a beautiful honeymoon in the Orient No expense was spared I felt that after all the years of sacrificing we deserved to begin our life enthusiasm for the future Please give me some advice that will help me get over this No Name No City Granted Steve should have told you about the debt before you married him but he So are you going to hang on to the anger and let it ruin your life together? I hope not Thousands of other couples who are saddled with heavy debt from financing a college education pay it off eventually and so will you Stop picking at this wound or it will never heal Think positively about your future together so you can be a helpmate instead of a millstone Dear Ann: There is an older man very attracted to who works at the school attending He wears a gold band on his left ring finger so safe to assume that he is married Every time I see him my insides turn to jelly He has a very nice outgoing personality and whenever I run into him in the corridor he is polite and friendly I would just love to strike up a conversation but the only thing been able to say so far is tried my best to stop thinking about this person but I He is on my mind constantly Would it be a good idea to be perfectly honest and tell him how I feel? never been so hung up on any man in my entire life Please help me out on this Ann Totally Confused in Fort Worth That gold band should serve as a red flag a neon sign and a 10-foot LANDERS Ann Landers welcomes letters from readers Write to her in care of Living The Miami Herald LHerald Plaza Miami Fla 33132 Enclose a stamped self-addressed envelope for a personal reply PARENTING Legacy in Song is a treasure for all ages Being an only child has pluses and minuses CAMOUiHELim Child Life is a forum for parents to ask child-rearing questions and share tips with other parents If you can help these parents or if you have questions of your own call our recorder 24 hours a day at 995-8181 in Miami In Broward dial 764-7026 and ask for extension 8181 Elsewhere in Florida dial (800) 688-6472 ext 8 1 8 1 Or write to Child Life in care of Living The Miami Herald 1 Herald Plaza Miami Fla 33132 Jealous of Nursing: 3-year-old starts acting out when I sit down to nurse the new FR says wants attention and he care how negative that attention is as long as I put down the baby Any V- vySi COUNTRY CHIPMUNKS: Alvin and his gang unveil a Nashville sound in Low Places The Music of Disney: A Legacy in Song Walt Disney Records Available as three cassettes or CDs in a deluxe boxed set By HOWARD COHEN Herald Writer If ever a recording deserved its space in a time capsule The Music of Disney: A Legacy in Song This exquisitely packaged three-disc set features 78 songs (over three hours worth) a 60-page book offering behind-the-scenes glimpses of finest works (Pinocchio Dumbo Snow White and the rest) and several musical rarities including Turkey in the Straw from the 1928 Silly Symphonies short film that first introduced Mickey Mouse But best of all the musical memories love from this set Walt Disney has said: a terrific power to music You can run any of these pictures and be dragging and boring but the minute you put music behind them they have life and vitality they get any other And the power here As you listen to Give a Little Whistle your mind help but conjure little Jiminy Cricket tagging alongside the happy-go-lucky puppet Pinocchio Or visualize mama tear-glistened eyes as she sings Baby Mine to her lovable misfit son Dumbo The music included here is arguably some of the finest ever written for film The best songs came from the pens of Richard and Robert Sherman Just try and not hum Mary Poppins' A Spoonful of Sugar or (my favorite) Chim Chim Cher-ee Ned Washington and Leigh tunes from Pinocchio also stand out Hey the list is endless Legacy also features material from recent Disney hits The Little Mermaid and Beauty and the Beast so kids will also get a kick out of this set Legacy is a recording all generations can enjoy together the healthiest upbringing includes lots of interaction with both adults and peers Potential problems are not limited to only children but these parents do need to make more of an effort says Susan Newman of New Brunswick NJ author of Parenting an Only Child (Doubleday $995 $1295 Canada) highly necessary that parents of only children go out of their way to give their child opportunities to be with peers as often as Newman says because children learn different social skills from peers such as how to approach a group and get involved negotiating for territory and coping with someone who nice says Suzanne Bronheim a pediatric psychologist at Georgetown University Child Development Center in Washington DC make allowances for children that their peers Bronheim says children are together the environment is much more For a slightly older child who may need some brushing up on these social skills Bronheim suggests starting with one-on-one encounters and working up to groups good first step is to make it a family activity like inviting another child to come along for miniature she says A final consideration for parents when children are involved in their conversations is to monitor whether the topics are appropriate for youngsters who spend a lot of time with adults are probably very bright and Bronheim says that mean processing information on an emotional or social level like an adult QOur 7-year-old is an only child and we worry that around adults too much much rather sit around and listen to adult conversation than play with her toys or with peers Could this be harmful? BG Fort Lauderdale A The only real danger of a child too absorbed with adults is that a small person will miss out on one of most precious timeS One woman still remembers feeling like a when she was just 7 grew up knowing everything the adults talked says JW of Hialeah who is now 21 worried about things that a child even know It got to a point where I relate to kids my age I always saw them as And this from another only child who is now 1 8: around adults let me be very mature and know how to communicate with my elders but I also lost my childhood which I can never While there are things to be lost there also are things to be gained Spending a lot of time with adults often produces children who are articulate aware and at ease in a grown-up world daughter had the same environment and at age 22 today she still remarks about how privileged she was being around adults so AM says MUSIC was taken to many interesting and grown-up functions and acquired a degree of sophistication and emotional maturity that rivaled those in her age One reader who grew up in an isolated area only saw other children at school were encouraged to listen to adult conversations and to participate as long as the talk was A Larkin says could talk to adults with ease and with maturity beyond our years am dismayed these days when I talk to kids They have difficulty conveying ideas and even pronouncing Many factors undoubtedly contribute to why one immersion in an adult world turns out positive and negative But regardless of the details experts agree that Alvin! I want my gum Nature Frog Heaven World Disc Productions For information call World Disc Productions (800) 228-5711 Talk about odd recordings Frog Heaven is nature recordists Richard Hooper and Jeff hourlong project devoted to the sound of frogs Yes you r-r-r-read that r-r-r-right Frogs As in r-r-r-ribbet But not Kermit With cutesy titles like Just an Aquatic Velva Man So Bufo to Me and of course Your Pad or Mine the release features nothing but swamp sounds (the Florida Everglades is one) and the ever-present croaking of an amphibious choir of bumpy green swamp hoppers I suppose this CD could serve as an educational experience for youngsters who never imagined that frogs like peepers could sound so much like birds And who knows? It may foster an appreciation for nature As for the rest of us I guess the CD could be used to drive our poolowning neighbors crazy at night Caren Glasser Nobody Else Like You Kid Rhino Available on cassette or CD 198) at most record stores Self-esteem good values positive attitudes and a healthy dose of sweet-natured adult contemporary music characterize former music teacher Caren Nobody Else Like You But that is music Glasser reinvented the wheel here what she has accomplished is a likable blending of soft rock and spunky vocals centering on childhood concerns The song titles tell the tale best: Give a Little Love One Step at a Time and Make Your Own Kind of Music Glasser may not be doing the latter but onto a good thing nonetheless Alvin the Chipmunks Chipmunks in Low Places Epic Available at most record stores I always enjoyed 1 The Chipmunk Song Ross funny introduction of do well overachieving rodent Alvin and his equally high-pitched pals Theodore and Simon The record was unique inks time and inspired a whole generation of kids to turn other records on Mom and turntables up to 78 rpm to approximate the squeals But death 20 years ago left the Chipmunk franchise in the hands of son Ross Jr Alas hard to imagine Ross Sr enjoying the new Alvin-goes-country tape Chipmunks in Low Places Parents of siblings will know exactly what I mean when I say the sound of squabbling kids ranks up there with the thrill of listening to fingernails on a chalkboard Throughout Low Places you will be treated to the shrill sounds of Alvin and sister Brittany shrieking insults at one another while country novelties like Achy Breaky Heart (featuring Billy Ray Cyrus on guest vocals) play amid the chatter Other country artists on the project include: Charlie Daniels Alan Jackson Waylon Jennings Tammy Wynette and Aaron Tip-pin (whose There Nothing Wrong With the Radio becomes grammatically correct after Simon substitutes Anything for Nothing) Accompanying my tape is a cute press release written in long-hand by He writes: listen to this album if you love it buy you a brand new car! Oops Make that a pack of bubble So yo Children require parents who want to take command Children do not know what is in their own best interest If they did they would not need parents or teachers You cannot tell therefore from your child's reaction to any decision you make whether the decision is in his best interest or not EX-TEACHER: Caren Glasser blends soft rock spunky vocals Parents can zap Nintendo addictions therefore you want your child to know you love him act like you know where you stand and know also where you want him to stand Under these circumstances testing and stress are held to a minimum releasing the full potential for affection Children do not know what is in their own best interest If they did they would not need parents or teachers You cannot tell therefore from your reaction to any decision you make whether the decision is in his best interest or not A child will respond ecstatically to decisions that are clearly not in his best interest (ie I will buy you a and with great distress to decisions that are in his best interest (ie you will not get a Again children do not know what is in their best interest Repeat this parenting mantra 100 times Children learn to take responsible control of their own lives through trial and error In other words a child must make mistakes in order to become responsible Your job therefore is not to always prevent error but to contain it and make sure it conveys a valuable lesson John Rosemond is a family psychologist in private practice in North Carolina Questions oj general interest may be sent to him at The Charlotte Observer PO Box 32188 Charlotte NC 28232 His column appears in The Herald on What follows is a collection of musings on child-rearing They derive not from psychology books but from the real life of raising two children now 23 and 20: Children will not pay attention to adults who are acting as if their foremost obligation is that of paying attention to those children Unless your children pay more attention to you than you pay to them you cannot be either an effective role model or an effective teacher You cannot demand a attention You can only command it Self-confidence is the secret to this commanding which is the secret to successful discipline Your job as parent is to always pretend you know what you are doing This is also the primary function of the president of the United States When the president fails to convince people that he knows what doing we feel insecure So it is with a child when his parents act like they know what they are doing It is said that horses and dogs know when a human is even the least bit insecure around them When they sense insecurity they refuse to obey How much more perceptive and intelligent is a human child GAMES FROM IE something else climbing a tree for instance have no problem with a game like Provenzo explains should kids be spending hours playing it? Furthermore part of the problem parents have with video games is that they neither play nor understand them It could very well be the only thing a child can beat an adult at This is of course a putoff hear complaints from parents that their kids want to play this all the says Jason Rich author of A Guide to Video Games the parents have a clue what their kids are What to do? Start by learning about the systems and the games Experiment with a or If your child already has one at home learn from her always telling parents to take time to play a game with their child I think it does a lot for parent-child Rich says Then set a limit on playtime Rich suggests two hours maximum on any given day and only after homework and chores are completed Playing a video game should be an earned privilege partial to lowering the limit even further For example when we got our first Nintendo system the children were forced to abide by one rule: They had to read for as long as they played with a video game The time limit was an hour So if they spent one hour with the control in their hands they had to spend one hour with a book In addition to a time limit experts suggest you carefully choose the game a child will play Rent the game at a local store before purchasing it and play it together Read reviews in video magazines (Gamepro Mega Play Electronic Gaming Monthly) or in the local paper (The Miami Herald runs weekly reviews on the video page of the Weekend section on Fridays) with your child the why or why not of a Provenzo says games like Double Dragon II are very inappropriate It is a ve7 violent noncooperative sexist game Your child should know The best guidelines can be found right on the game box The description offers clues on the type of game it is Stay away from those that use a lot of or or in the description for games that say and things like of hidden places to says Rich want something that is very challenging has little or no violence and is Rich likes Sonic the Hedgehog II game which will be out this fall and the Super Mario Paint a Mouse for Nintendo He also suggests Sesame Street and Mickey Mouse educational games for 4- through 6-year-olds than a horse or a dog? The term implies that disobedience is a matter of some inherent temperamental trait While it is true that some children are more difficult from Day One than others persistent disobedience is always a matter of parents who fail to communicate that they know where they stand and know as well where they want the child to stand If you act like you know where to stand and know where you want your child to stand your child must test and test and test until the proverbial cows come home Testing raises the level of stress in the parent-child relationship Stress in turn interferes with the free flow of affection between parent and child If JHSSBS I ml 1 i A A A TT.