1 , '.. I '.' PAGE SIX THE TWICE-A-WEEK DISPATCH, TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1914. DORIS BLAKE SAYS: o "Girls Sometimes Kiss With the Lips of Memory and Close Their Eyes to Help Them Imagine That it is the Other Fellow." I hate to have to admit it but woman is a contradictory creature! Son... time ago I was staying in a household the father of which had "retired." From what he "retired" I never perfectly understood, for, as far as I could ascertain, he had never done any work in his life. But at any rate lie had "retired" from whatever he hac been doing, or not doing, before he began to do what I found him ill when I moved into the household eating heavily, smoking far too .much, .nd , the rest of the time grumbling KAiffly about everything and against everybody especially his wife. T.-ere was no "retiring" for her. I noticed she kept up her household duties' always and excellently spurred to efficiency in them by his perpetual presence about the house. She felt it I could plainly see-l e was so obviously and so objection ably there, He never went outdoors because he . held on no evidence thr.t his heart was weak, and he was always threatening to "drop down i!ea(". where he stood at any moment But he didn't curry out the threat. How 1 and all the other people in the hou!c pitied that poor wife! o Well, one day this plethoric indi-vioual was seized with a violent at-laci. of indigestion and v. doctor was .uninioned. The doctor prescribed golf." My golf be praised because the circuitous game removed this hus - ba.irt from the household. He went completely enzy about it. He talked about it ceaselessly and was so absorbed he had no time to interfere in the affairs of the household. The truth was his wife seldom saw him now. . - " o ll was then that au intimate friend o.'ie in whom the wife had confided her ..domestic burdens ventured in UNINVESTED FUND For further Real Estate, Fire, life and Live Stock Insurance. CAPITAL $50,000.00. J. M. BROWNING, Pres. W. W. BROWN, Mgr. A. V. RAY, Sec. & a tactful way to congratulate her up on ihe change. But she was inter rupted by a flood of tears. The wife sobjed miserably. Between the sobs she complained of never seeing the husband now. She spoke of his hav ing "deserted" her for golf. Sha "missed" him. The friend, stupefied, coulo only stare at her in amazement. Verily the affection of faithful harassed women passeth all understanding! Woman is a contradictory creature there's no denying it! More often thc'i not a woman with a husband who i "painfully trying" when he is around will miss him dreadfully when he is not. O , NO RACE SUICIDE IN THIS FAM ILY. ' 'Squire R. I. Mitchell, who visited hi-- old home near Ridgeville this week, brought back a bit of news that is rare, to say the best. The wife of West Graves, a negro of that section, has just presented her husband wiih the 8th consecutive set of twins. The young couple have been married aoout 13 years, the knot having been i t:"a by 'Squire Mitchell when he was i .notice of the peace. A remarkable ! circumstance thereof is the fact that eacn set of twins was a boy and a I girl. There are 8 children living one of each set havii.g died. Had the story come from another source, it mirrht be doubted. Caswell Sentinel. O ' . In a certain machine shop an apprentice was one day swinging his hi.n.mer somewhat languidly when alonp came the boss. An angry ex-prci'sion o'erspread his countenance ar. he observed the performance of t'.it lad. He took the hammer from thv boy and delivered himself of the fallowing: "When I see a man that takes his I'.immer by the end of the handle, like this, and strikes fine,- hard blows like that, like that I pay the man ar.yvhere from $18 a week up. But when a man takes his hammer by the n-.Uale, like this, and strikes gentle taps like this, like this he gets on If you are at a loss to know where to place them, will not a First Mortgage loan on Real Estate appeal to you? This is the only kind of security we handle, therefore, if you wish to loan your funds at the highest lawful rate of interest, with absolute security, then place them with us, for in addition to the real estate security, our company GUARANTEES the payment of principal and six per cent, interest, and we pay the interest promptly Semi-Annually. We have at this time Several Thousand Dollars m first mortgage real estate bonds in denominations of $100, $200, $250, $300, $500 and $1,000 information, write NTRA ly ?9 a week, and he's the first to be laid off when work's slack." Then the boss returned the hammer to the apprentice, thinking that he hai taught him a good lesson, but tli-; shrewd lad came back with: "Would you mind showing me, sir, where I ought to hold the handle for $3 a week?" o A Tampa minister advises girls to beware of the lover who gets down on his knees to propose. Yes, the safest way these days is to secure the proposal in writing duly signed. "The head of a Chicago mail order house died the other day and left an estate valued at seventeen million dollars, and the same week a man who had been doing all his trading with Ihe mail order house died and didn't leave any estate at all," says an exchange. The moral is! TRADE AT HOME. It will help build up your own community and that will give you more facilities for accumulating something for yourself. O Sheep will follow an old bellweath-er through an opening in the fence in regular order, but human beings all want to get on the street car at the same time. Toledo Bdale. : o - r'--y . AN EASY REQUIREMENT. The following notice recently ap i peared outside the office of a busy Boston firm: . ,' 0 "BOY WANTED One who knows tae city well." Presently a bright youth presented himself for the job. "Do you know the city well?" asked the manager. "No, sir," replied the young hopeful, "but I can find it." Boston Globe. -o- Bed sheet at a special sale at Bu-chr.nan's 72x90, only 25 cents while they last. Two to a customer. Bed sheet at a special sale at Buchanan's 72x90, only 2" cents while trey' last. Two to a customer. Med sheet at a special sale at Buchanan's 72x90, only 25 cents while they. last. Two to a customer. HOW ABOUT YOUR or call on ,0AN "HE NEEDS THE MONEY." The dealer who tries to sell something "just as good" in place . of a standard advertised article "needs the money." Your satisfaction is not so im- " portant as his profit. . It is short-sighted policy of course something the wise and the reputable merchant would not sloop to. . ; Purchasers should be on their guard against the "I need the ' money" men. When you ask for a standard advertised article, "GET IT." ' ' Don't take something the other man wants to sell. . T Scan the columns of The Dis- patch for your wants. ' ' ' ' .' . !ft ' . - THE STRAIGHT ROAD. "On a straight road no one can " be lost." i " i ' There is am essage in that sen- , tence for every national manu- ; fr.cturer seeking a market for his " product. ;" There are not "pitfalls" on the " straight path, no gaps to be fill-' cci in. ',. Turn this thought to your own ' advertising and merchandising problems. The straight path. is. the news- ' P-per. ';..,. 1"' It not only reaches the consum- & TIRUST ei s who buy the goods but influ- ences the dealers who sell them. Newspaper advertising not only citates demand, but it makes the sales. . . . .. . Mrs. Hitch was having some trouble with a little fellow in her spelling class. "B-e-d spells bed," she explained over and over again; "b-e-d, bed. Do you understand?" "Yess'm." "Well, c-a-t apells cat, d-o-g spells dog, and b-e-d spells what did I tell you b-e-d spells?" "Dunno." "Don't know! You don't know what b-e-d spells after all I've told you?" "No'm." "Well, once more, b-e-d spells what you sleep in. Now what do you sleep in?" "My pajamas!" triumphantly exclaimed the youngster. '. ; o Mr. Gladstone used to tell how an English lady, a friend of his, char tering a cab for a day in Dublin, said lo the driver:," You won't mind if I take you for the day?" "Is it me mind, me lady?" was tha gallant reply. "Sure, I would not mind if ye tuk me fur life." : "No one but an Irishman could have said that without giving offense," wa;' Mr. Gladstone's invariable comment on the story. ' ; O- ' Whenever You Need a General Tonic Take drove's The Old Standard Grove's Tasteless chill Tonic is equally valuable as a General Tonic because it contains the well known tonic propertiesof QUININE and IRON. It acts on the Liver, Drives out Malaria, Enriches the Blood and Builds up the Whole System. 50 cents. o ALL BENCH MANAGERS. "This war seems to have no like1. i-hoo 1 of producing a Napoleon." "Well, he managed his campaigns from the field. These nionarchs are managing from the bench." Louisville Courier Journal. :';'..; THE SOUTHERN PLANTER Gets up at the alarm of a Connecticut clock. Buttons his Chicago suspenders to I .etroit Overalls. Washes his face with Cincinnati Soup in a Pennsylvania pan. Sits down to a Grand Rapids table. Eats Chicago meat and Indiana hominy fried in Kansas lard on a St. Louis stove. Puts a New York bridle on a Kentucky mule fed with Iowa corn. . 1 , j ; . I f lougns a iarm coverea uy an umo mortgage with a Chattanooga plow. When bed time comes he reads a chapter from a Bible printed in Boston. .. Says a prayer written in Jerusalem. Crawls under a blanket ' made in New Jersey, only to be kept awake by a North Carolina dog the only home., product on his place. And then wonders why he cannot make money raising cotton. O- Employe Mr. Brown, I should like to ask for a raise in my wages. I've just been married. Employer Very sorry, my dear man, but for accidents to our em- ; ployes outside of the factory we are no', responsible. London Opinion. :.Kv;'. . : O "Sl irt.i will be fuller . " In 1915." More girl or more goods? Which, Dame; do you mean ? Boston Transcript. o- -: "Wombat needn't be so mat because th? teacher criticised his boy's com-poBition. The boy will improve in time." ... "You don't understand. Wombat wrote the composition." Louisville Courier-Journal, ..-' - 0 This country will certainly have much to be thankful for three weeks from Thursday by way of comparison at any rate. ; : o "V What Villa really ..meant; was that he would see to it that peace came "r ' thu.se who disagreed vith him. Treas.
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