The Charlotte Observer from Charlotte, North Carolina • 45

3E SIS mm Get in on the ground floor with a sturdy pre-owned religion THE CHARLOTTE OBSERVER Thursday January 27 OutFront DOUG ROBARCHEK Letters-to-the-editor writers keep telling us that the way to fix everything is for us all to adopt their religion whichever it may be But how can you commit to a religion until sure The One True One? Well OutFront has learned of a special opportunity for some comparison shopping in the religion marketplace Missionaries keep converting people but what happens to the old religions these people give up? Well many nations actually export old secondhand religions at discount prices and they make excellent starter religions Our cousin spent seven years as an ant-worshiper while he was saving up to become a Presbyterian Many religions come from poor countries and have very low overhead no expensive waterslides to maintain no partnerships to buy and none asks for large cash gifts in exchange for blessings So before investing heavily in a main- Carolina will do something about crime NC Commerce Secretary Dave Phillips was in Charlotte this week telling the Chamber of Commerce we have to do something about crime and fast because this is not a joke bad for business Right Too much crime could dissuade companies from coming Oh sure been speaking against crime and its effect on the people who live in the state But now at last we have a real good reason to combat crime: it can cost money Watch our fearless leaders mobilize the troops now that something important is at stake not just a little matter of lives and safety any more Quote: in Room 123 Go up and write a column and a sidebar Sportswriter Woody reply to a woman in a hotel bar who offered to do anything he wanted for 1 00 famous: The old OutFront Guy will be a co-host of the annual Addy Awards honoring the best advertising of the year at 7:30 pm Saturday at Founders Hall Well actually radio guys John-Boy and Billy will be the hosts and be one of several unimportant co-hosts But still a thrill to share the stage with those WRFX du-deskis We only hope resident Fox Inflamed Carbuncle Robert Raiford is there You know some people say Raiford is just a sour bigoted mean-spirited bad-mouthed ugly misogynist To which we can only reply your point?" But these people forget that underneath his homophobic racist rhetoric Raiford is a gifted radio man Hey not easy to enunciate clearly through that sheet stream religion you may want to look into a primitive low-maintenance religion Honk if illiterate: Reader Ellie Jordan of Lititz Pa spotted this sign near the emergency exit in a USAir Express plane: "Please contact a USAir Express crew member if you are unable to read speak or understand English or unable to understand the graphic directions or crew And let us know if you read this At last: At last we get the feeling North Edited by DAVE WHITE best Cooking: The Cholesterol provides examples of Washington Oregon and Northern California cuisine Noon Discovery Channel Prime best Comedy: On Apu is blamed for food poisoning that lands Homer in the hospital fired by Kwik-E-Mart and Homer generously accompanies Apu to company headquarters in India to plead for his job James Woods is a guest voice 8 pm Fox (WCCB channel 18) Comedy: Carol Kane guest stars on as an innocent bystander maimed in one of those wacky accidents that could only happen to Elaine (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) Meanwhile George (Jason Alexander) masquerades as a marine biologist 9 pm NBC Drama: On Dianne (Connie Seltecca) weighs (Matt Salinger) offer to help her out now that she's pregnant Melinda (Jennifer Lopez) appears headed for trouble as she decides to enter a beauty contest to pay her way through college And Kate (Megan Porter Follows) tries to unravel the death of Emily Howell 10 pm CBS Late best Will anthem be live or Memorex? Edited by KENNETH JOHNSON Natalie performance of the national anthem at the Super Bowl this Sunday is taking on super proportions According to her husband MCA Records executive Andre Fisher they're a music track with a 35-piece orchestra" in Los Angeles then rushing the result to Atlanta where Cole will be taped with the 100-voice Morehouse College choir Uh we got a Milli Vanilli situation here? can't say for said Fisher lip-synch or sing a story Baby Boomers know all the words to the Bunch" theme song but the actress who played Marcia is singing a different tune Maureen McCormick is taking a stab at a country music career has always been my favorite kind of music" she said love songs that tell stories Words to me are the most important thing" McCormick 37 played the oldest daughter on Brady TV show She recorded a solo album in the 1970s Big mouth bio Your suspicions about Mark Harris when he married entertainer Martha Raye after a 22-day courtship two years ago appear to be true peddling an "authorized" biography about Raye one of the first women to make it big on TV that details his sex life with her and other intimate details In "Take It From the Big Mouth" the ex-hairdresser 44 recounts his first meeting with Raye (whose nickname is "The Big noting she really He also throws in stuff about an alleged affair Raye 77 had with Joan Crawford John John on TV John Kennedy Jr who has been known to harbor theatrical ambitions will be a host on a series of television programs celebrating unsung heros of New York to feature both individuals and organizations The series called of the City" will run on WNYC-TV in New York for six Wednesdays starting March 23 Each half-hour program will consist of three or four segments with Kennedy introducing each segment already taped a few of the introductions" Judith Weiss a spokeswoman for WNYC-TV told The Associated Press been terrific made suggestions happy to be able to help people who are helping others" One of the segments will feature Transportation Alternatives a citywide organization that promotes bicycle transportation Kennedy is often sighted traveling around town on his bike On Natasha Richardson actress daughter of Vanessa Redgrave says List" star Liam Neeson has promised marriage to her probably this spring But first she needs to finalize her divorce from Robert Fox An escaped convict embarks on a vicious campaign of vengeance against the police officer-turned-district attorney who put him away This 1991 suspense tale stars Denzel Washington and John Lithgow 1:10 am Cinemax talking: Donahue: Black women talk about marrying within their own race Regis Kathie Lee: Actress Holly Hunter Advice for women seeking jobs Maury Povich: Prenuptial agreements Sally Jessy Raphael: Domineering husbands Jane Whitney: Twins who have lost their siblings Bertice Berry: Child custody problems Jenny Jones: Children who feel their mothers act or dress in too sexy a manner Leeza: "Addicted to Plastic Geraldo: Men who date younger women Ricki Lake: Twins competing for the affections of the same person Rolanda: The welfare system Oprah Winfrey: Law officers talk about their jobs Jerry Springer: Tips for parents who feel they have lost control of their children Late Show: Actress Laura Dern and stunt mancomic Super Dave Osborne (Repeat) Tonight Show: Pro football player Jim McMahon and actor Joey Lawrence Arsenio Hall: Actor Mario Van Peebles Late Night: Actor Robert Culp Montel Williams: A woman confronts her three daughters about their sex lives Bob Costas: Movie directors Oliver Stone Sydney Pollack and Tim Burton Howto use our cable guide The Observer provides a cable channel guide for the systems listed below Find your cable company in the diagram The channel your cable system uses will always be in the same position in the prime-time grid (See TV Week in Observer for other cable Vision Cable (Charlotte) Cablevislon Prestige Rock Hill Palmetto Monroe York -Clover 1 Lancaster River Hills Chester Great Falls So TV Week in Sunday'! Observer for complete 24-hour listing! and VCR Plus numbers oc Closed-captioned for the hearing impaired Home shopping shows on MTV VH-1 Nick at Nile? 37th-largest market been a very quiet thing" Cohen says "If we were a large market it would be considered a real affront to NBC I told NBC that if the show gets better keep an open mind" Paramount Network growing The upcoming Paramount Network now has 21 affiliates including stations in seven of the top 10 TV markets In Charlotte Paramount has signed up WJZY (channel 46) The new network will take off in January 1995 TV Radio Writer Tim Funk and Knight-Ridder Newspapers contributed to this article drama is already showing in every major TV market except Dallas "NYPD Blue" which broke TV taboos against nudity and rough language is a ratings hit nationally In Charlotte it airs Tuesdays at 10 pm on WSOC (channel 9) And the opposite of picking up a show is dropping it And what WGRZ-TV did to Night" with Conan It was the first but maybe not the last NBC affiliate to drop the show Late last month WGRZ General Manager Steve Cohen replaced Conan with paid programming (ie infomercials) in the am slot At the time "Late Night" was a Nielsen blip seen in fewer than 6600 homes in the like 93 home shopping networks on cable now? Freston again: capacity is still an issue We hear about 500 channels but still talking about 35 in real life That will change and when it does home shopping channels will be easier to sell through because they pay the cable operator money (about 5 of gross sales) and under the new regulatory environment not looking to spend any more (for pure entertainment Showcase for Kerrigan Those clever chaps at CBS have jumped on the Nancy Kerrigan bandwagon big-time On Feb 5 the network will air an exhibition of the Olympic skater's "return to the ice" as the network calls it after her injury be called Kerrigan Friends" Pickups: "The Late Show with David Letterman" is now airing at 11:35 pm in 80 of the country up from 67 since his new CBS show debuted last summer The latest sign-ups are in Dothan Ala Chattanooga and Omaha Neb Charlotte's WBTV (channel 3) has aired the show at 1 1:35 pm since its beginning Speaking of pickups: ABC is saying it expects 97 of the 50 stations that refused to show Blue" will have started airing it by February The cop By VERNE GAY Nowaday Imagine a day when you turn on the set and discover that every channel is a home shopping network No news no entertainment no commercials just hucksters pitching arm loads of junk With this unpleasant thought consider the following bit of news: MTV will test home shopping shows on MTV VH-1 and Nick at Nite starting this April If those tests which will last anywhere from three to six months are successful the network may launch an MTV home shopping network in early 1995 At first we were aghast at the awful prospect of seeing someone like Jon Stewart pitching the latest Madonna CD (the test shows will hustle videos CDs etc) but then we got a call from MTV Chairman Tom Freston and our suspicions magically melted away First of all Stewart or the VJs handling the sales chores Second Freston says "our audience has told us interested in this This is not going to be MTV meets QVC It will have a very different creative approach (per network) and will look like it belongs on those networks" So how will MTV launch a network? Aren't there something I.