GRASSROOTS GLEANINGS by Bill Stokes This one is from the New Ulm (Minn.) Daily Journal: The young school teacher was being interviewed for a job and the superintendent asked, "Is the world round or flat?" "I can teach it either way," replied the eager applicant. '.."-' • '•'•.•.-'-. -..';.-'. . "Some people are like wheelbarrows," says The Posl-Telegraph of Princeton/ Mo., "They have to be pushed and are easily upset." '.:.•'• ' . • • • The Osceola County Tribune of Sibley, Iowa offers this'riddle: What has four legs and flies? Answer: The backyard picnic table. • " .... ; ' ' •" '.'"••••'•.• * " / "Courtship is when a man spoons," says The Chamberlain (S.D.) Register, "but marriage is when he forks over.'" ' • ,-•• - • • • " .'•;.. The Angola (Ind.) Herald defines a parking meter as a device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can't get back before the red flag,pops up. = . • '•••-' •"', ' •••'.• A second story man is one whose wife didn't'believe his first one, says The Brookings (S.D.) Register. '••" -..-;••.' .., • • • . . •; ' - . . ."Temptation bothers some folks most when they can't find any,"" comments the Renville (Minn.) Star-Farmer. •. ••'..' ' •'.'•••'• '•• •" ; '•"•.••'" '" : The Aplihgton News of Parkersburg, Iowa tells about-the .young, bride who .quit, buying .T-VLdinnerslbecause it. took so Jong to heat; -..them 1 oh ..the set. • • • ••.'.•••'. ; 12.......:.:....' The following report is from the Decorah (Iowa) Journal: "It isn't too hard to tell when a youngster is growing up. There ; are bbvious*signs. Such as when he tries to steal a kiss instead ^of second base. Another is when he stops asking where .he came from and refuses to tell- where he is going." : : •.'••;'.••• . •''•./ The Fulton County News of Lewistown, III., says there is nothing like a salesman to convince us that we've already bought what we don't want, Particularly if he is trying to .sell . us a replacement for it. ••' ••-.••.• • -• • •• .,'-'The Daily Belle Fourche (S.D.) Post says that a lot of gardens turn into "sites to be hoed/ 1 ; , . . . : - ' ••-••. " • ' . •. The Clay City (Ind.) News tells about the fellow who read so much about the bad effects of smoking that he decided to give up .reading. • -. " • A teen-ager is a person who thinks a family circle is made up largely of squares, says The Cannelton (Ind.) Tuesday News. "If the safety pin had been invented this year, instead of years ago, it would Have six moving parts, and two transistors, and require a service man twice a week," comments The Guttenberg (Iowa) Press. ' " ''•'' ••''••• Television has opened many a door — especially on refrigerators, says the Holt County Independent of O'Neill, Neb. The Review of Plymouth, Wis., says "When Eskimos meet they rub noses; when Americans meet, they rub fenders." Jhe Chaska "(Minn.) Weekly Valley Herald claims that inflationary prices are producing . a new fashion trend — see-through wallets. It is reported in the LeSueur (Minn.) News- Herald .that the fastest beer drinker in the .world drank 3.62 pints in 11 seconds t bettering the previous record of 2.6 pirits in 7.9 seconds! Unfortunately, there, is. no Olympic competition, because we know a fellow who... . . . The following item, comes from The Jour nal of Rockport, III.: "A San Bernardino, Calif., judge.ruled that a narcotics search in a baby's diaper by police was unconstitutional be cause the baby didn't consent." "Nothing is so sure to make a long story short as quitting time," comments The Times Record of Aledo, llh "Government controls are.like thistles in a cornfield," says the Free Press of Greenfield, Iowa. "Jhey grevrfasrand. are hard to get rid of." •'* The"Eclipse-News-Review of Parkersburg Iowa defines arthritis as "twinges in'the hinges,",arid a wrinkle as "the nick .of time.' . ':' ... .;. : -. .».'•' „• '.. / ' '.'••'. "If it's so noisy that you can't hear yoursel talk, you probably haven't missed / much," says The Jamestown (N.D.) Sun. ; The Wishek (N.D.) Star reports this one: Steve: I made a hundred in school today Mom. . ; Mom: Good! What did you make it in? Steve: Well, I made a forty in reading, thirty in spelling and thirty in arithmetic. . "Every man needs a wife, because there are still many things that go wrong that can not be blamed on the government," says the Wayne County Press of Fairfield, III. Ideas for Tomorrow home economists say begins with saltwater . \ .-.. Lindsay's Central Water Conditioning RUTH,.ANNEj "Whenjhe;. : meaMs jjnished, it's always back to the kitchen to do dishes. U!s so wonderfui to have soft water for sparkling glean china, flatware and glasses!" DEL RAE: "HFor flavorful coffee of any water-based drinks you'just have to have sweet tasting iron-free water hvyour: kitchen.",^ ; '-.--'.:• ..-'.[-••.' ' ..'. JOYCEL"And how about the bane of .'every housewife's.exis- tence — washing clothes? Unless you stari^ with soft -water you'll have to .add a fortune in soaps or detergents. Did you know that a/Lindsay .water conditioner can virtually pay for. itself in detergent savings?" . •-- . .--„ •- ••-. : -.'.. '•'--••KAY: "There's another, beautiful thing about Lindsay's concept of Central Water Conditioning. It helps make you beauti-' full That's right— hands .are smoother,' hair is cleaner and more lustroysr-it's Lindsay's kind of Beauty Water. "• That's only the .beginning,-ladies. .There are lots more benefits from Lindsay's new. concept of Central Water Conditioning. This 'simply means one .water conditioning center tailored to'your family, your home and your needs. Why not find out more? Call your Lindsay dealer. He's in the Yellow pages. / rjl . . ' Ecodyne Corporation ...'.. Lindsay Division '..•'•• St. Paul,'Minnesota 55101 '• -•• '-- Ah affiliate of Trans Union Corporation ..
What members have found on this page
Get access to Newspapers.com
- The largest online newspaper archive
- 11,100+ newspapers from the 1700s–2000s
- Millions of additional pages added every month